Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

55. Distance

A/N: Hello everybody! How are you today? I hope everything is alright and excited as I am to see the new Glee season. I'm still very happy to know there will be two episodes of The Beatles tribute, and then it comes Cory's tribute. And have you seen "Kangaroo Court" video? What do you think about it? Finally Darren being a literal puppy, well, actually a bulldog, but it's almost the same, right? No? Okay. Anyways, guys, I'll start replying your reviews as usual!

alicegursk: Holy guacamole! I'll add it to my everyday expressions; in my mind, it sounds funny; like I picture myself screaming it with a mustache and a Mexican sombrero and maybe also with maracas on a colorful striped poncho. Aww, I know the last chapter was kinda sad, when I wrote it I didn't think it was that sad, but when I read the reviews I noticed it was sad. Well, this one is sad too, but not as much as the other one. Soon things will get better and Freckles and Darren will start interacting more. So excited for that part! So it's a male, eh? I'm starting to think I totally suck at guessing things. It's not my thing, I always lose in those games in which I have to guess things, except in Pictionary; I'm good at Pictionary. All in all, what I'm trying to say is that I'm the antithesis of Sherlock Holmes; I would come to be like Scooby-Doo or Shaggy, who solve mysteries just by luck. And I'm not precisely a lucky girl, so I have no chances to guess about who you're thinking of. See what you're doing to me, Alice? I'm in sorrow! But I'll forgive you only because of holy guacamole.

Vcriss: Actually, you won't have to wait till chapter 65 for them to express how they feel, that will happen in previous chapters; chapter 65 will be when they start like taking action in a less messy way, because things will happen before chapter 65. Yes, I know! It's super obvious, but they're cowards; when it's not Darren the one who's unsure it's Freckles and vice versa; they can never agree! Yes, I think I saw that picture of Darren with the buzz cut; he's playing the guitar, right? I think it's kinda funny, it looks weird on him; I personally like his curls so very much, not the terribly bushy and frizzy afro; but I do love his curls, like the afro but not so bushy, I don't know if you get my point. I'm not good at explaining, I know. You started writing a fanfiction? That sounds amazing! Sadly I'm not a directioner; it's not that I don't like them, it's just that I don't know them to be honest. I mean, of course I know who they are, but I'm like an old-fashioned girl because I like old music, like The Beatles or Queen if we talk about rock, or Nina Simone or Aretha Franklin if we talk about jazz; then I like Coldplay and indie music and rock, maybe. I feel like a weirdo in that aspect because everybody likes One Direction and I don't know their songs, maybe someday I'll listen to them! Anyway, the great thing is that you're writing a fanfiction and you enjoy doing it! It's awesome, isn't it? Like you suddenly are immersed in this other world you create the way you want and you can feel everything you write as though it was real and that's amazing; one of the best things about writing! I hope you keep doing it!

PotterHead62: I wouldn't be so sure of Freckles being in love with Brian, maybe she's just confused because she's feeling bad. But the story will keep going with the ups and downs and the comings and goings I love so much, until things stabilize and everything is beautiful for Darren and Freckles. Darren at Coachella is the best thing ever; I love the way he paints his nails, his face and just his entire body; maybe I also love that he's always shirtless at Coachella; and instead of behaving like a celebrity, he behaves as a normal person even as a fanboy and I adore that. My thoughts about Darren at the VMA's... I loved the suit just as you, but the first thing I noticed was his shoes... At first I remember I thought 'Oh my god, Darren, you cannot be wearing that'; the shoes, as I see it, are ridiculous, but I must say I'm not a person who's into fashion so I don't understand anything of it, so I don't know if the shoes are the new trend or something; I'd never ever wear sparkly shoes... But, he rocked the shoes and I loved his attitude of 'I'm wearing sparkly shoes at the VMA's and I don't give a shit'; I even thought it was cool, he does that to me. And the nails were just a little detail he added to his awesome look that night; he always thinks about the little details and I like that about him. He's quirky and confident, so he can always rock what he decides to wear. All in all, I'll use this known phrase said by Brad Falchuk: Darren is the gayest straight man alive. And I ain't even mad. Aww, you read Playtime! Thank you for doing that! I'm really glad you liked it! It was an experiment of writing in a different way, completely different of what I've written so far; also, I always wanted to write about the little Darren, I have some sort of weakness for kids and just picturing Darren when he was a little kid with a childish voice is cute to me!

AmritSoomal: Of course she loves and will always love Darren! Darren was her first love, and you never forget your first love, that's a fact. Maybe Freckles is not really in love with Brian, you'll have to wait to see if it's like that or not! Yes, I didn't notice it was so depressing when I wrote it, but after reading your reviews I realized it was indeed sad. But, you know, I love drama; I don't even know why I love drama so much. You're starting to hate Brian again? Oh, then, wait... Maybe you'll hate him even more or maybe you'll love him again; let's see! Oh, but you can hug him and he can be your friend. Don't worry about Brian being near Freckles, something between them is gonna change; that's all I'm gonna say. Okay, I'll let Brian be happy, after a long time, though; not with Freckles, noted. Yes, Darren can really rock whatever he wears! His shoes were amazing, funny and weird, but I'll never wear them! I mean, I don't have the attitude to wear sparkly shoes. I loved the suspense you added when you told me what I'd get! I do love brownies, so thank you! It's been a while since the last time I ate one! Can I be a zombie too? I really am one; I sleep only four hours a day, every day; yeah, it's crazy! If I had to live my life again, I'd never choose to study architecture again; no way; this thing of not sleeping, having permanent dark circles, looking like a dead person and stuff like that is not so cool. Gcse year? That means you have to do your best! I completely understand you won't be able to keep reviewing and it's totally fine, but I hope you can read the chapters when you have time! Anyway, I'm gonna miss you and I'm gonna miss you saying what food reward I get! But you gave me unlimited access into your virtual kitchen! Muahaha! I'll find that jar of Nutella! I'll eat, eat, and eat! Maybe it was a bad idea of giving me unlimited access into your virtual kitchen considering that food is one of my weaknesses; but now you can't take your words back! I'll make sure to make everybody happy, maybe it'll take time, but when it comes to happen, it'll be wonderful! Bye and good luck in your new school year! Promise me to be a good student! PS: I won't forget about the song you asked me to include, so I'll mention you in a future chapter!

Charleygyrl: Hi, Marianne! For starters, I don't know if you're reading this right now, because I don't know if you kept reading the story and I don't know if you already read all the chapters; but I'll answer you anyways! First off, thank you a lot for reading my story; it really means a lot and I hope you enjoyed it. It's weird to know that a friend told you about this story, it'll always seem weird to me to hear something like that; like it's unreal to me to know that maybe people suggest others about my story! So I'm glad you said you were liking it! I hope I didn't disappoint you. And it's great to know that you can relate to Freckles! It's great to know that you were like Freckles in high school! Thank you for saying I did a good job. Once again, thanks for reading the story and thanks for your reviews, I honestly appreciate that you let me know what you think about the story!

raniagleek: You're back! I'm really glad to know you kept reading the story! Yes, 100 chapters! I hope I can keep my word; I promise I'll try my best, even if it takes time to reach the 100th chapter! For now, it makes me so happy to know you'll stick with this story and read it until the last chapter, despite my obsession for constant drama, plot twists, comings and goings and ups and downs! Yes, too many bad things happening to Brian, he will start showing his weak side more and more day by day; maybe he will forgive Freckles and his mom but it'll take time! But I promise there will come a time when you will no longer feel sad for him!

MeMi83: I couldn't ignore that review! haha. I received and answered your email; let me know if you got it!

Okay, that was all guys! Now, I hope you enjoy this new chapter despite everything. I must warn it is kind of sad too, not like the last one, but also a bit depressive. I promise soon things will get better, or not. Anyway, thank you a lot for reading this story and thank you for being patient, I hope I'm not boring you! Alright, I'll stop talking! I wish you all a very nice week full of candies and cakes! Warm fuzzies and until next time!

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Teenage Dream – Chapter 55 –Distance.

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It was already late October; two weeks after Brian met his mother again and felt disappointed in you. It's been two weeks since Brian and you were distant as you've never been before. It's been already two weeks in which you wouldn't stop apologizing and Brian wouldn't stop saying that, unfortunately and as much as he wanted; he couldn't forgive you this time. It's been two weeks since Brian has been acting very weird: Not waking you up in the mornings, not spending time with you all day long, not kissing you goodnight. It's been two weeks since Brian didn't talk to you because the only times you could get to see him was when he came back to your room late in the night, only to sleep; you couldn't even see him in the morning because he was always already gone. You didn't even know where he used to spend all day long, but certainly not with you. Yes, he still made breakfast for you; but it wasn't the same because now he wasn't there to have breakfast with you; he wasn't there to have lunch and dinner with you; he simply wasn't there with you all day long. If Brian exchanged words with you were only to ask you where his books were, if you could hand him a soap or toilet paper, if you knew where he left his pen or sweater, if you could turn off the lights when it was late in night, or to comment about the weather. You bugged him by constantly sending him text messages or calling him when he wasn't around, that was most of the time, but he never texted you back or picked up your calls. You were constantly trying to talk to him, but he always refused doing that with the lame excuse that he was tired and wanted to sleep or that he was busy and needed to attend a course or study. He was very distant and what hurt you the most was that he wasn't even rude with you; he was still being nice and polite. What hurt you the most was that he didn't even argue or yelled at you; he was always silent. And silence sometimes was worse than yelling; because yelling meant that he was angry, and silence meant that he was hurt and sad. It was easier to apologize if he was angry, and it was hard to apologize if he was hurt for something you've done. But what hurt you most was seeing how sorrowful he was: he was haggard, he had dark circles and puffy eyes, he never smiled, he had a sad expression in his face all the time, he seemed to be deep in thought all the time, he barely spoke, his eyes lost their brightness and were now empty eyes, he was barely eating, he was barely sleeping, and the worst was that he didn't cry. He was really bummed and depressed but he didn't shed any single tear; and this only meant that maybe he was tired of crying, that he had cried already too much that he didn't have any other tear to shed; or maybe that he turned his tears into emptiness and dejection, which was even worse. And you couldn't endure this situation; it was hurting you too much and you didn't know what else you could do to get his forgiveness and return to be what you used to be. 14th day since Brian has felt disappointed in you: Brian wasn't there when you woke up, the usual. You were still in your pajamas, you didn't even woke up to train this Saturday, you didn't went to the bathroom to comb your hair and put on your make-up; you just put on one of Brian's hoodies and walked to the kitchen. As usual, breakfast was on the table: a mug of coffee and French toasts. You sat on the table and started drinking the coffee, without even heating it, in the empty and silent room. You weren't even feeling like eating the French toasts that Brian's has made; you rested your elbow on the table and propped your head on your hand, feeling lonely without Brian's presence. He hasn't even left a note telling you where he was, as usual lately. Could you really miss too much someone who was living in the same place than you? You missed Brian; you missed all you used to do together, you missed spending time with him, you missed talking to him, you missed being in his arms, you missed hearing his voice and looking at his bright eyes, you missed everything about him. And he was living with you, but you missed him. And you realized that you haven't appreciated the enough all that Brian has ever done for you; you haven't appreciated the enough all the times you spent time with him when you still had the chance. To have realized this made you start shedding tears in silence in the empty room. He was your best friend and you lost him; and you knew you lost him because each day was getting worse and each day you were more and more distant. You were still shedding tears in silence when you heard the sound of the keys in door lock. You wiped your tears away by the time the door was opened. It was Brian. He entered the room and when he noticed you were already awake, he looked at you.

"Good morning, Sunny." He greeted and he walked to his desk, looking away before you could answer him. "I forgot something... Have you seen my Michigan Review of Prisoner Creative Writing book?" Brian asked without even looking at you.

You didn't answer; you just stood up and walked to his desk to take the book he was searching. You handed it to him and Brian finally looked at you; actually he didn't look at you, he looked at your hands and grabbed the book.

"Thanks." Brian said politely, still not looking at you.

"You're welcome." You said softly and sadly while he was putting the book in his backpack.

"Well, I have to go." Brian said.

You looked down, pursed your lips and frowned, trying your best not to cry because of his indifference. But you failed; you started shedding tears in silence. Brian was about to turn around, but apparently he finally decided to look at you because you felt his hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, are you crying?" He asked softly as you wiped your tears away.

"No." You lied.

You looked away, pouted not to cry and wiped one last tear away with the sleeve of Brian's hoodie. You knew Brian was looking at you while he was still placing his hand on your shoulder, you knew he had sad eyes while looking at you, you knew he knew you were lying because it was obvious; and it felt tough that he didn't hug you as he used to do when you were feeling bad. Maybe those little things were the ones you missed the most, like that simple comforting hug from your best friend when you weren't okay. You needed that hug, so you stepped closer and wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your head on his toned chest, feeling very little next to him. But Brian didn't hug you back right away as usual; instead, he got strained and kept his arms on his sides. You felt bad when you didn't feel his firm arms holding you to give you comfort as before; so this made you shed some tears in silence; you were feeling like now it was wrong to hug him, that you were a needy girl hugging a random guy, this was feeling like something strange and foreign to you, something you weren't allowed to do now; and that felt rough. But after a while you finally felt his embrace, his arms wrapping around your neck, one hand caressing your hair and other hand rubbing your back.

"Don't cry, Sunny." Brian whispered softly, still rubbing your back and caressing your hair. Somehow this made you cry harder. "You know I don't like when you cry." He said kindly and then he kissed your head.

You wiped your tears again with the sleeve of Brian's hoodie and then you parted the hug to look into his eyes. Brian finally, after two weeks, looked into your eyes. You remained looking into his eyes and you placed your hands on his broad shoulders as he placed his hands on your waist. You stepped closer and Brian didn't move, he remained looking into your eyes. His eyes were still not the same as always; there was still emptiness in his eyes, but at least you noticed a very fleeting twinkle in his green eyes when you stepped closer. You stood on tiptoe to rest your chin on his shoulder and touch his neck with your nose. Brian shivered slightly at your touch but he didn't move and he kept placing his hands on your waist. You closed your eyes and smelled his perfume, realizing how much you missed this.

"Please, Brian, don't leave. Stay with me today." You whispered in his ear with chocked voice, almost in a supplicant way.

Brian shuddered again and he moved his hands away from your waist and stepped back what didn't allow you to keep placing your hands on his shoulders. You looked at him in a distressed way when he looked away, biting his lower lip and clenching his jaw.

"I'm sorry... I have to go." Brian answered still looking away.

You looked at him very afflicted while he was still avoiding your gaze. This hurt you, so you looked down, frowned and gulped, again trying your best not to cry. He was going to leave again as you suspected, but you had a slight hope he could really stay.

"I just want to talk to you, Brian. Please, let me talk to you." You begged with cracked voice, trying to hold back your tears, still looking down.

"I'm sorry..." Brian answered and you bit your lips as you were starting to feel that painful lump in your throat.

"Why?" You asked with cracked voice, struggling to speak because of the lump in your throat. "Why do you always leave?" You asked.

Brian remained silent for a long time. You looked up at him to see why he was so silent. He was looking down with his eyebrows downwards and a sad face, biting his lips. You finally could notice in his eyes something different from emptiness, and it was dreariness and a hint of muddle.

"I just need time... I need time to be alone." Brian answered in a whisper still avoiding your gaze. "I'll come back later... Maybe we can have dinner together, I don't know."

You looked down again, bit your lips and nodded silently. You really couldn't talk because if you dared to talk, surely tears would start falling down your face again. Brian remained silent and when you glanced at him furtively, he was also looking down and biting his lips while nodding silently, apparently nervous or uncomfortable. Then, without looking up and without saying anything, he turned around to start walking to the door and leave; but you took his hand to stop him. When Brian felt your hand holding his, he didn't move his hand away but he didn't look at you either.

"You don't love me as before, do you?" You asked with choked voice and almost in a whisper because of the lump in the throat. Brian didn't look at you and he remained silent for a while.

"I still love you, Sunny. I just want to be alone." Brian answered avoiding your gaze.

"Nothing will ever be as before, right?" You asked distressed, looking at him with teary eyes as he was still looking down. Again, Brian remained silent for a while.

"I don't know." Brian finally replied in a whisper.

His response made you feel really bad, Brian always used to answer in a positive way; he never answered you with a dispirited and gloomy 'I don't know'. Yes, he didn't answer you with an ultimate 'no', but his 'I don't know' meant that most likely it was like things wouldn't be as they used to be.

"See you later, Sunny." Brian said after the abysmal silence, finally letting out your hand.

You remained standing right where you were, seeing how Brian walked to the door and left the room, without even greeting you with a slight kiss on your cheek. You knew you needed to be strong, you knew you once mentioned that now you were able to endure any kind of situation; but you never imagined you could ever lose the person who helped you to be strong, the person who helped you to see the light after the storm. You walked to the couch and lay down, hugging one cushion. This time you didn't cry, you just felt empty, you felt like a hole in your heart for something that was missing; and you thought that maybe this was the way Brian was feeling... Maybe he also felt that he lost someone, that he lost you; and this was your fault. You spent hours laying down on the couch, hugging that cushion, staring a random point of the floor, still feeling empty; it was as if your mind was blank. Something made you come back to your senses, when you heard someone knocking the door. You weren't expecting anyone and it couldn't be Brian because he had his own keys; and you weren't feeling like seeing anyone, so you ignored it. But the person insisted, so you stood up and walked to the door, not even minding about looking terrible with your hair messy, your pajamas and Brian's hoodie. You opened the door slowly.

"Surprise!" A man's cheerful voice greeted in a very loudly way.

You couldn't see his face because it was hiding behind a huge box of chocolates and the collection of Harry Potter movies. Anyway you recognized the man's voice and there was probably one person in this world that would show up with the collection of Harry Potter movies: Darren. He popped his head and he looked at you with a huge and bright smile. You smiled slightly when he looked at you in that goofy way and also because of the way he's shown up.

"I thought that maybe we could have a very Potter afternoon. What do you say? Can I come in?" Darren asked very joyfully and you smiled again, stepping aside.

"Yes, you can come in." You answered gently. Darren entered the room and greeted you with a noisy kiss on your cheek.

"Looking good today, Freckles. Is that the new trend?" Darren said looking at you from head to toe while you were closing the door.

"Oh yeah, this new trend is called 'I don't feel like wearing presentable clothes today'. Isn't it cool?" You asked with a short giggle, maybe a sarcastic one.

"Presentable clothes or not, you'll always look cool." Darren replied with the same goofy smile.

He walked to the couch, left the box of chocolates and the collection of Harry Potter movies on the coffee table and then he basically ran to you again. He took you by your waist and pulled you to him to wrap an arm around you and lead you to the couch, still smiling.

"So, I was thinking we could spend an afternoon together since it's been a while since the last time we've done something together. And considering you haven't been texting me back, I decided to show up with this totally awesome surprise." Darren spoke in a really fast and cheerful way while leading you to the couch.

You were looking at him in a curious way with a smirk. Then he practically forced you to sit on the couch next to him as he was still wrapping an arm around you. He looked at you with a bright grin. He didn't seem to be mad because you haven't been texting him back, maybe he understood that you weren't doing so well lately because of Brian.

"I'm sorry; Dare, for not texting back." You said apologetically looking into his hazel eyes.

"Oh, forget about that, Freckles." Darren answered with a kind smile, pulling you closer to him. "Thing is today we're gonna have a blast. What do you think?" He asked in an enthusiastically way.

"Sounds good." You answered grinning softly.

"Okay, now try with a 'Huzzah! We're gonna have a blast and it's gonna be totally awesome! I'm so excited!'" Darren exclaimed in a very animated and joyful way and you looked down and giggled softly. "Come on, try it, it's not so hard. After all, it's Harry Potter!" Darren exclaimed again in that animated way.

"I'm sorry; I guess I'm not in…" You started apologizing but Darren covered your mouth with his hand and you looked at him frowning.

"Do not say anything. Let's do something… We're gonna watch the first three movies of Harry Potter, so for 7 hours, we won't think about anything else and we're gonna eat chocolates and pretend we're in the magic world of Harry Potter. I'm Harry and you're Hermione. What do you say?" Darren proposed heartily and you giggled when he uncovered your mouth.

"But there's a problem…" You said a bit amused and Darren looked at you curiously, frowning slightly. "I can draw and Hermione can't draw." You said and Darren laughed.

"I can come up with a song right now..." Darren said amused. "I'd be something like..." He said a bit thoughtful, still amused, as you were looking at him intrigued. "Hermione can't draw, Hermione can't draw, Hermione cannot draw. She only reads books and she cannot draw, even if she's reading a how-to-draw book." Darren sang and, for the first time in days, you laughed out loud because of his randomness.

"You're a dork, Darren." You said still laughing. "It's so good and silly."

"Hey, I'm offended. What happened with the adorkable thing?" Darren said pouting and frowning and you giggled.

"Let me correct myself... You're adorkable, Darren." You said amused and Darren grinned brightly with all of his teeth.

"Now it's better." Darren said smiling victoriously. "Okay, come on! Let's watch the movies!"

You turned on the TV, put the first movie on dvd and you and Darren started watching the movie on the couch while eating chocolates. You were snuggled up to Darren and he was wrapping an arm around you; you were trying to find that comfort you couldn't get from Brian now. And Darren's plan about watching movies and eating chocolates to forget about everything only for a few hours was actually working. You and Darren wouldn't stop making silly and hilarious comments about the movies, like honoring the nerds you were when it came to Harry Potter. Darren was more nerd than you, though. He practically knew all the lines of the movies and he even remembered exactly what he read in the books, so he was saying all the time that it was such a shame that they didn't add certain things in the movies that were in the books. It was really nice to spend the Saturday afternoon with Darren, just watching Harry Potter movies. If Darren's plan was to cheer you up, it was really working, because you were feeling good and you missed spending time with him; as he said, it's been a while since you and he have done something together, alone; you were usually with other people around; not that it annoyed you, but sometimes you wanted to be alone with Darren. When you were watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, you fell asleep in Darren's arms. You were just feeling tired because of the way you cried in the morning, so it was nice to fall asleep in the arms of someone.

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At the beginning of the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie, Freckles fell asleep, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping an arm around my waist as I was wrapping an arm around her. I didn't wake her because she seemed to be really tired; of course, I saw her puffy eyes when I arrived here, she was crying, she wasn't going to fool me. And I knew perfectly why she could have been crying, it surely involved Brian. I knew that she and Brian were very distant lately, she mentioned it once or twice the few times we talked in the course she shared; she didn't want to talk about it too much because she felt sad whenever she mentioned it. I knew she used to spend the days alone in her room because Brian was almost never here; at least that was what she mentioned. I knew she needed some company, she couldn't be alone all the time or she would sink into a deep depression; and I knew she wouldn't leave her room, just in case Brian would come back and she wasn't there. So I decided to come over here to be with her, to accompany her; besides, I really wanted to spend time with her. But I came for the purpose of cheering her up and make her feel a bit better. And what better way to do it than appearing by surprise with the collection of Harry Potter movies and a huge box of chocolates, two of the things she loved most? Yes, maybe she wasn't as excited as she would be if nothing bad was happening; but at least I made her smile and giggle; and that was enough for now. I knew she wasn't doing well and I knew that her lack of excitement had nothing to do with me, so I didn't push her too much to smile and laugh; I could understand that she couldn't do it, so I preferred her to be honest than faking she was alright. Now she was asleep in my arms as the movie was still playing. I didn't pause it but I didn't watch it either. I remained seeing how Freckles was sleeping peacefully as I started stroking her hair smoothly, trying not to wake her. She now moved and placed her head on my lap, wrapping her arms around me, still asleep. I let her doing so and I held her in my arms, still looking at her face and still stroking her short hair. I only wished she could get better soon, I wanted her to be the girl she used to be before all of this that happened with Brian and his mother. I was still feeling guilty for what happened; even if Freckles wouldn't stop saying it wasn't my fault. The movie ended and I didn't watch it at all; all that time I was looking at Freckles, thinking about what happened, about the way I could make her feel better, and also thinking that maybe I was feeling something more for her. I didn't want to feel this way because Freckles was a good friend and I wanted her as my friend, and also because two weeks ago she confessed me that maybe she was in love with Brian. When she heard the soundtrack of the end of the movie, she slowly opened her eyes, with a sleepy and disoriented face.

"Hey." I whispered softly with a warm smile, caressing her cheek with my thumb.

"Hey." She whispered back with a slight grin. "Sorry, I fell asleep." She said rubbing her eyes, still resting her head on my lap.

"Don't worry, I bet you watched the movie before." I said with a soft giggle and she chuckled softly.

"Yes, I did; but it'd have been nice to watch it with you for the first time. So sorry." Freckles said yawning.

I didn't answer right away, instead, I stroked her hair and she closed her eyes with a warm grin. Apparently she enjoyed when someone stroked her hair, so I kept doing it. As for me, I really enjoyed being with her like this; I loved the fact she was snuggled up to me, resting her head on my lap as I was holding her in my arms. I haven't realized how much I missed being with her like this. Usually we were always with other people, and only few times I got the chance to be alone with her; and almost never I had the chance to be this close to her.

"Oh well, I know a way you could make up for it." I said smiling and she frowned and opened her eyes to look at me curiously.

"How?" She asked.

"You could come with me to the movies to see the premiere of the film Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, next year." I said and Freckles grinned kindly.

"Okay, it's a deal." She answered with a sweet smile. "What time is it?" She asked curiously, frowning and yawning.

"Around 9pm." I replied softly. Freckles sat on the couch abruptly, disturbed and frowning.

"9pm? It's really late!" She exclaimed apparently dumbfounded. "Hasn't Brian arrived yet?" She asked and I looked down.

"No, he hasn't." I replied, thinking how much she worried about Brian.

"Really?" She asked anguished, now looking down. "He told me he was going to come to have dinner together. I guess it won't happen."

Now I looked at Freckles again. She was sitting on the couch with her legs bended, wrapping her arms around her legs, looking down with a sad expression. I really felt bad when I saw her like this, so I moved closer and I wrapped an arm around her again.

"Maybe something delayed him and he's gonna arrive soon." I said softly, as trying to cheer her up.

"Maybe, but I hardly think that." Freckles answered shrugging still looking down.

After a while she sighed, looked at me and smiled slightly. I knew what kind of smile that was, and it was that fake smile to pretend she was fine when actually she wasn't; only to not make me feel bad or worried about her. I didn't want her to act that way; not because she was somehow lying to me, but because she was lying to herself.

"Freckles, there's no need to pretend you're feeling good around me. You can count on me, and if you feel bad, you can unburden your sadness on me. You can talk to me about everything you want; I'm willing to listen to you." I said friendly, looking into her eyes. Freckles looked into my eyes with her bright eyes for a while, and then she rested her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me again.

"Sometimes it's a bad thing the fact you know me too much." Freckles said giggling softly and I smiled slightly. "But thank you." She said and kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder again. "I just... Have you ever had one of those days where you miss everything?" She asked looking deeply into my eyes.

"Uh... What do you mean with everything?" I asked confused, frowning slightly and looking into her eyes.

"Everything. Starting with San Francisco: the mix of different cultures and ethnic groups; the warm summers; its steep streets with beautiful views of San Francisco Bay and the surrounding mountains; Haight-Ashbury and its bohemian ambiance with independent restaurants and bars, as well as clothing boutiques; walk along the shore of Baker Beach; walk across the Golden Gate Bridge; the Golden Gate Park and the Japanese Tea Garden; the Fisherman's Wharf and its restaurants on the docks and sea lions that lie down near there; Marin Headlands and its beautiful landscapes." Freckles started saying deep in thought with her gaze lost. "Don't you miss it all sometimes?"

I was picturing in my mind all the places she was mentioning, smiling almost melancholically while thinking about all of that. As she was mentioning those places, I started remembering each moment and experience shared with her in those specific places. I remembered the warm summer with her, at least the little part of summer I could share with her before the Prom; I remembered those steep streets I walked through with her and the steep street in which Freckles fell down from the bike once I lent her, right after the day we started dating; I remembered the day I went with her to Haight-Ashbury to have a drink in an independent bar, one random day after school; I remembered the time we met in the Golden Gate Bridge when she lost her memory, the talk we had there; I remembered when we went to the Japanese Tea Garden, right when we had the talk about what we were going to do when I start college and she would be in San Francisco. Most importantly, I remembered Marin Headlands, that place full of meaning, our place; I remembered all the things we shared in that place, our talks, our secrets, our first hugs and kisses, our first nights of watching the stars, everything. Yes, I was definitely feeling melancholic. I looked at Freckles straight in her eye and I smiled warmly at her.

"Yes, of course there are days I miss all of that." I answered honestly. "There are so many memories; no matter where I am now or where I will be, San Francisco will always be my place in this world."

"Yes, exactly. And what about your family? Don't you miss the hug of your mom, the proud smile of your dad, and the jokes with Chuck? Don't you miss those things that you can do only with them? The routine and the simple life of being with your family? The little and simple habits that you had when you were living with your family? Don't you miss the fact of arriving at your home after a strenuous day and not have to worry about cleaning the apartment, cooking lunch or dinner, or pay some bills? Don't you miss the fact that when you were sick it didn't matter because your mom, dad or brother were going to take care of you and now if you get sick you have to deal with it by yourself, knowing that there's no one that is gonna spoil you? Don't you just miss them and the life you had with them?" Freckles asked still deep in thought, with a gloomy voice and face.

I started thinking about all the things Freckles mentioned. She was suffering a stage that I've already suffered last year, when I started college and I was forced to start a completely different lifestyle, away from my city and my family. I knew exactly what she meant; and yes, it was very hard for me. And yes, sometimes I needed them, sometimes I missed them so much, sometimes I missed all of those things I had and now I didn't, sometimes I just wanted to come back and be with them in my city. I didn't miss it all as much as last year; but I still missed it.

"Yeah, sometimes I miss them so much and I miss the life I had with them. It happens, Freckles, but it's all part of growing up." I answered softly, looking into her eyes and stroking her hair.

"You make it sound as something easy. I just miss so much everything; I miss my city, I miss my mom, I miss Mandy; I miss spending time with them, I miss the life I used to have. I just feel so lonely here without them." Freckles said sighing, with despondent voice, looking down in a gloomy way.

"No, Freckles, it's not easy. Of course it's not easy, it's really hard and sometimes you just want to throw it all to hell and come back with your family where everything is familiar, simple and happy. There are times when you'll want to get back to what you already know with your family and city, and there are other times when you'll want to venture out and feel encouraged to live a different and independent lifestyle. It happens; it happened to me, it happened to my friends, it surely happened to Brian, and it's happening to you. To start being independent is really difficult, but it has its good side, like all things that happen in our lives. But you shouldn't be afraid and you shouldn't feel lonely, because you have friends here in this new life you have; and in case you miss your family too much; you can always take a free weekend to see them. But you are not alone; do not confuse missing someone or something with being alone, because they're two different things, Freckles." I said very softly and kindly, still looking into her eyes and caressing her hair in a reassuringly way.

"Thanks for what you said, Dare." Freckles said with a half-smile but a warm one, before resting her head on my shoulder again. "I guess that I'm only feeling like this because nothing is going right lately. Maybe it's just that; maybe it's just a matter of time, I don't know." Freckles said sighing.

"Freckles, let me ask you something..." I said frowning, trying to sound as soft as possible. "Is really nothing going right or is it just because Brian and you are distant that you cannot see anything right?" I asked gingerly.

I noticed how Freckles frowned, moved her head away from my shoulder, and shifted uncomfortably on the couch. She was now looking down, very serious, and pursing her lips. She was faintly playing with her fingers, she was nervous and uncomfortable. I didn't utter a single word; I just remained looking very intently into her eyes. She had to answer the question; she needed to find out by herself if this all only had to do with Brian or not. Maybe I was wrong, but I was almost sure that everything she was feeling was because of how her friendship with Brian was weakening.

"It's not only because of Brian. Yes, Brian takes a big part of this mess I'm feeling; but he's not the only reason, I don't even know why you asked something like that." Freckles said frowning, on the defensive. "I miss my mom and I miss Mandy; I need them. Besides, this term is ending and everything is getting hard and I feel like I can't make it because I have no time for all the assignments and exams. Then there's the fact I still can't get used at this city, it's not like San Francisco or Los Angeles; I don't like here; I don't like this room, I feel like I have no space, like all I can do is to move from the bedroom to the living room or kitchen; I don't have a garden, I don't have a yard, nothing. I don't like the fact that if I leave my clothes on the floor, no one is gonna put them in my closet if I don't do it; I don't like the fact that if I leave dirty dishes in the sink, they'll be dirty until I wash the dishes; if I don't clean the room is gonna be dirty and untidy until I decide to start cleaning. I hate the fact that nobody is gonna wake me up if I don't hear the alarm; nobody is gonna make the bed for me if one day I don't feel like doing it; nobody is gonna cook for me when I don't want to do it; nobody is gonna buy all the groceries if I don't remember to do it. When I was living with my family, when I was alone in my bedroom, I knew that Mandy or my mom were around if I needed company; now here if I'm alone in my bedroom, I'm really alone and nobody is out there. I'm all day, every day, completely alone and nobody is here." Freckles exclaimed really loudly and exasperatedly.

She was a bit annoyed, and this only proved that she also knew that Brian was the reason, but she didn't want to admit it for some reason. Probably because she knew that if she admitted that fact, she'll feel even more down because she was thinking that the chances of getting Brian's forgiveness weren't so many. Maybe for her it was easier to think about other things that she missed instead facing the fact that all she needed was to get back the friendship she had with Brian. So I didn't say anything, I just remained looking fixedly into her eyes. She glanced furtively at me several times, in nervousness because of the abysmal silence, until she sighed and shook her head; that was the time I decided to speak.

"Freckles, now be completely honest and answer this... How many of the things you mentioned are like that because Brian hasn't been with you the last two weeks?" I asked looking deeply into her eyes. Freckles looked at me with a distressed expression, but she remained silent and she didn't have intentions to answer. "Alright, if you don't wanna answer it, you'll have to answer me other things only with a yes or no..." I said very serious, still looking at her even though she was looking down. "When you were with Brian, did you miss your mom and Mandy as much as you miss them now?" I asked and Freckles didn't answer. She remained silent for a long time and so did I. Then she sighed and finally spoke.

"Well, yeah… Yes, of course I missed them even when Brian was with me. Maybe not as much as now that he isn't here…" Freckles answered almost in a whisper. At least she admitted something; maybe these kinds of questions were the way to make her realize why she was feeling like this.

"Okay…Now, you really don't have time for all the assignments and exams or you don't have time for that because you cannot focus on that because you can't stop thinking about what is happening lately?" I asked softly, still looking deeply into her eyes. Again, she took a long time to answer. She was uncomfortable, or sad, but I knew she was going to answer.

"I can't focus on that; I waste my time thinking over and over about what is happening." Freckles answered honestly and I nodded in silence.

"You really don't like Ann Arbor and this room? Or do you say it only because right now this seems an empty place because something is missing?" I asked.

"Because it seems an empty place now." Freckles answered sadly, looking down.

"I thought so… Now, in those times when you weren't feeling like doing anything… Has Brian ever done those things for you?" I asked and Freckles remained silent, looking down, frowning slightly and biting her lower lip, creating a sad expression in her face. "Has Brian ever done those things like putting in the closet the clothes you left on the floor, like doing the dishes for you, cooking for you, cleaning the room for you, making the bed for you, waking you up when you didn't hear your alarm, or buying the groceries when you forgot to do it?"

When I asked this, Freckles looked down with her eyebrows downwards. Her eyes began to fill with tears, but she didn't shed tears, her eyes were crystalline and her gaze was looking at a fixed point, as if it was lost. She wrapped her arms around herself, maybe as trying to comfort herself. I knew the answer even before hearing her response; I knew it only by observing her.

"Yes, always." Freckles answered with deep and drab voice, still with her gaze lost and the sad expression.

I remained silent just observing each of her features, thinking that there was a different kind of sadness in her face that I haven't seen before. I was thinking that this kind of sadness wasn't the one of wanting to cry because of desperation or sorrow. It was the kind of sadness of remembering something melancholy, something that was and it wasn't now; the kind of sadness of admitting that something is lost and cannot be recovered. It wasn't the kind of sadness of feeling pity for herself; it was the kind of sadness of feeling repentant for something, the kind of sadness you feel right when you admit that your mistake changed something very treasured in your life, something that you couldn't appreciate before.

"So, do you still think that nobody is going to do it for you? Or do you think that way only because Brian and you are distant?" I dared to ask, even if I knew it'd be a rough question. But she needed to be honest with herself.

"Because Brian and I are distant, so it's not gonna happen again." Freckles answered gloomy after a long silence, staring blankly at that random point.

"So, does it mean that he has stopped doing those things for you now that you're distant?" I asked frowning slightly, confused for what she answered about that's not gonna happen again.

"No, he still does it." Freckles replied droningly, still with her teary eyes and her gaze lost.

At this point I didn't know what kind of answer was the best to hear. If Brian has stopped doing those things he used to do for her, it could mean that Brian really wanted to be away from Freckles because he was mad at her for what she did and this was one of the ways to show her that she has done something really bad. If he was mad at her, it was something bad, but there were big chances that he could soon forgive Freckles, because anger is something that sometimes doesn't last too much when it comes to someone you love. But if Brian, instead, was away from Freckles but he was still doing those things for her; it was something more complicated. For me, it meant that he still cared about her but he couldn't be with her because he was truly disappointed in her. And disappointment is not something that lasts a short time. When you're feeling disappointed in someone, you can forgive that person, but something won't ever be as it used to be; it'll take days, months or even years to build back the trust that they used to have. Freckles was probably aware of this, so maybe this was the reason of her different kind of sadness. But I had to keep asking her things, so she could realize why she was feeling like this.

"Okay… And do you really think that you're alone and nobody is here with you? Or is it that you feel alone because lately Brian hasn't been in the room during all day long even if you are aware that Brian lives with you?" I asked softly, looking deeply into her sad eyes.

I really wanted to hug her and see her smiling again, see her bright eyes again; but I knew I had to keep asking her these kinds of things. Freckles took a long time to answer and I respected her and the time she needed. Freckles' lips started trembling slightly; I knew this was the consequence of holding back the tears she wanted to shed.

"I know that I'm not alone, but I feel as though I were alone because Brian used to be here with me always and now he isn't… And it's hard to lose all of a sudden that special person who used to be with you all the time, supporting you when you needed most." Freckles answered with cracked voice and her distress made me feel really sad. I moved closer to her but I didn't touch her, I remained looking deeply into her eyes.

"I get it." I said gently and delicately, looking at her maybe in a reassuringly way, but she wasn't looking at me. "Now let me ask you again, and be honest, not with me but with yourself… Is really nothing going right or is it just because Brian and you are distant that you cannot see anything right?" I dared to ask without taking my eyes off her.

Right after I asked this, Freckles broke into tears; she shed all of those tears she was holding back, finally. She covered her face and tried to cry in silence, but she couldn't. I could notice that she finally admitted the truth of her feelings. And I knew this was something hard to admit; so I wrapped an arm around Freckles and kissed her head as I was reassuringly caressing her hair. She was breathing heavily and her body was shaking because of the heartrending mourning.

"Why are you doing this, Darren? Do you wanna make me suffer?" Freckles asked, uncovering her face and finally looking straight into my eye. I froze when she asked me this with her eyes full of tears of sadness. Why would she think I wanted to make her suffer?

"No, the last thing I want is to make you suffer, Freckles." I answered really mildly, still looking deeply into her eyes. I took her hand with mine and I held it tightly; her hand was kind of cold. "I'm doing this because you need to be honest with yourself; because only when you are honest with yourself is when you can stop suffering to start figuring things out and solve the problems you have. People can help you, but you're the one and only who can make decisions, and you'll only make the right decision if you're honest with yourself." I said blandly, still looking into her eyes which wouldn't stop shedding tears.

"Yes! I admit it. I cannot see anything right because I miss Brian, because I need him, because he was my support, because he's the one person who made me feel like I'm not lonely. Without him I feel lost again, without him I lost my balance, without him all the things that seemed to be okay aren't okay. That's the truth!" Freckles exclaimed loudly in an exasperated way, still sobbing disconsolately. When I heard her talking that way about Brian I felt kinda bad because I wished I could be Brian in this moment; something I shouldn't have felt, I should focus on what was happening, on making Freckles feel better.

"And I'm really proud that you admitted it, Freckles. That's a big progress." I said with soft and tender voice, still holding her hand.

"Progress for what?" Freckles asked disturbed, frowning and still shedding tears. "I don't see it's a progress; I'm just like an hour ago, if not worse. Can't you see it, Darren? I've just realized that I cannot be without him; and he is distant, he's not here, and he's not gonna be here; because I've tried to talk to him, I've tried a lot of things, I've been doing my best to get his forgiveness, but nothing works out. What am I gonna do now if I need him not to feel that everything is falling apart while he does not even want to see me?" Freckles asked exasperatingly, panting with her eyebrows downwards, looking into my eyes. This time I took a long time to answer, because seeing her so desperate made me feel really bad; and also because I couldn't take off my mind her words about Brian. She really seemed to be in love with him and I didn't want it. Maybe I was selfish. Enough; I was here to make her feel good again.

"Freckles…" I started saying slowly, almost in a whisper, looking down. Then I looked intensely into her eyes. I needed to put aside my confusing feelings for her and focus on her and Brian. "If I believe that you and Brian are gonna get better... Why cannot you believe it too?" I asked frowning slightly.

"Because, unlike you, I'm being realistic, Darren. You only want to cheer me up, and I thank you for that; but reality is it's not gonna get better any soon." Freckles answered, wiping her tears away and looking away again. Her eyes remained teary, but she didn't shed another tear; instead, she had the sad expression in her eyes.

"Oh, no. No, don't misunderstand what I'm doing or saying. None of what I said was for the only purpose of cheering you up. Everything I said is because I believe it." I said firmly because this was the truth. Yet, Freckles remained looking away. "Brian and you have an extraordinary friendship; no matter what you say that now it isn't the same; for me, you still have that totally awesome friendship. What is happening right now, it's only a stage that it's gonna end sooner or later. Do you really think that a friendship like yours is gonna be fucked up forever only for one mistake or unfortunate event?" I asked looking deeply into her eyes, but she didn't answer, she only pouted and looked down. So I sighed and answered the question for her. "Of course not. One way or another, you and Brian are gonna find the way to get better, and it's gonna be better than before; your bond is gonna grow after this shit that is happening right now. I truly believe that, so should you; because this victim position you're taking right now is not gonna help you." I said firmly, still holding her hand, as Freckles glanced at me. I looked intensely into her big beautiful but teary eyes. "You, more than anyone, should know that giving up is one of the worst things you can do. If you want something, go for it; no matter how hard and distant it seems; if you really want something, nothing and no one will stop you; because the only person who's gonna stop you from doing what you want is you." I said in a very firm and round way but with soft and gentle voice, holding tightly her hand and still looking straight into her eyes. Freckles looked at me in silence for a while, as her lips started trembling again and her eyes filled with tears.

"But it's hard." Freckles said with choked voice, looking down with her eyebrows downwards. I placed my thumb on her chin and I lifted it, so she would look into my eyes.

"Yes, I won't deny that it's hard; but it's not impossible, Freckles." I assured firmly, with a slight but warm smile. Freckles fixed her gaze in my eyes in silence for a long time.

"Would you help me not to fall apart while trying to fix everything, Darren?" She asked full of hopes, looking at me as a little scared kid. I placed my hands on her cheeks to caress them with my thumbs as I smiled yearningly at her.

"Always, Freckles." I whispered while looking fixedly into her eyes, before placing my hand on the nape of her neck to pull her head closer to me and pull her into a comforting hug.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Freckles said sobbing while wrapping her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"There's no need to thank, Freckles." I whispered kindly before kissing her forehead. When I kissed her forehead, I noticed she had elevated body temperature. "Hey, Freckles, you're burning up." I said slowly, moving away to look at her face, frowning and feeling concerned.

"It's nothing." She answered, wiping her tears away, trying to calm down.

"No, seriously, you're running a fever." I said in all seriousness while placing my hand on her forehead to take her temperature. She was undoubtedly burning up and she even looked really pale but she had flushed cheeks. "Freckles, you should seriously rest, you're burning up; I'm not kidding." I said concerned, standing up.

"I'm fine, it's really nothing." Freckles said frowning, looking away.

"Why haven't you told me you were feeling bad? Come on, take my arm, you should go to bed and rest." I said while handing her my hand.

"Darren, it's nothing, soon it's gonna disappear. I know that, I've been feeling like this the last days and in the morning I'm better. You shouldn't worry." Freckles said still frowning, as if she was a bit annoyed, but I wouldn't stop feeling worried.

"So, have you been having fever for days? Freckles, that's bad! Haven't you taken any meds?" I asked concerned, taking her by her arm, as forcing her to stand up. She really needed to go to bed.

"No, I haven't taken anything. Darren, it's alright." Freckles said standing up. When she stood up, she almost fell because of her weakness, but I held her in time.

"You're not fine!" I exclaimed kind of alarmed after she almost fell. "I'll take you to bed now, okay?"

"Okay." Freckles answered weakly.

She could barely maintain her balance, so I took her in my arms and like this I took her to her bedroom. I've never been before in her bedroom in this room, but I didn't even have to ask her which one of the beds was hers, because I recognized the colorful wool quilt she once lent me; that surely was her bed. I walked to there and I gently left her in the bed. She was very weak, so I took her shoes off for her and I covered her with the blankets as she was shivering. When I looked at her face, she already had her eyes closed and she was sweating in cold. I fondled her cheek softly, still feeling worried about her. Would she be sleeping?

"Hey, Freckles, do you have any kind of pill for fever?" I asked almost in a whisper. I didn't even know what kind of pills you had to take while running a fever. I felt so ignorant in that moment.

"No, I don't think so." Freckles answered weakly.

"Uh, I… Maybe I could go and buy something, but I don't know… I don't know what kind of pills you have to take… Uh… Maybe I could ask the pharmacist." I babbled like an idiot, because I was nervous and because I was feeling ashamed because I had no idea about this.

"No, please, don't leave me, Darren, please." Freckles begged with her eyes closed, grabbing my wrist as I looked at her stunned.

"No, I won't leave… I'll just go to buy any med and then I'll come back." I assured still looking at her even if she wasn't looking at me.

"No, please, don't." Freckles begged again and grabbed my wrist even tighter.

"But…" I started saying.

"Please." Freckles interrupted me in a supplicant way, now finally looking at me in a desperate way.

"Okay, I'll stay." I agreed while sighing. I couldn't go anywhere if she was begging me that way. "I… I don't know…" I started babbling like a fool, not knowing what to do now.

"Lie down in bed with me…" Freckles said and I looked at her stunned, raising my eyebrows. I wasn't expecting to hear something like that; and Freckles noticed my surprise. "I won't do anything, don't worry. I just need someone to hold me right now." She said sadly, looking down.

"Fine." I said softly as I sat on the bed and I took off my shoes.

Freckles moved to make room for me and I finally lay down in bed, right next to her. It was pretty weird to lie down in bed with her; it's been a while since the last time we were in this kind of situation. Actually I was in this kind of situation with her only once, the first day I met her in college after a year; and well, that time in Munising, but that wasn't a bed. I was kind of uptight, not wanting to make a bad movement that could lead to an awkward situation; even if I was dying to move closer and snuggle up to her; I knew that wasn't appropriate now. But Freckles did move closer and she turned on her side to wrap an arm around me.

"Darren, would you hold me?" Freckles asked in a whisper.

I looked at her face; she already had her eyes closed again. I only turned on my side to wrap my arms around her and hold her as she buried her head on my chest. She was truly burning up and she wouldn't stop shivering, even if she was covered with the quilts. I remained looking at her face in silence until I noticed she fell asleep, because her face relaxed and she had now a peaceful expression. I started stroking her hair very smoothly, as trying to reassure her because, although she was asleep, she wouldn't stop shaking. I just wanted her to get better. She was so beautiful. Her face, though it was pale now, was perfect; I always loved her face. Damn, I wasn't supposed to feel like this; but we were so close and we were sharing a bed and it's been a while since the last time. I caressed her cheek with my thumb very softly while looking at her closed eyes, her nose, and her lips. Why was she so beautiful? Why did I stop her when she kissed me that night when I moved to my new apartment? I should have kissed her back, maybe by this time we would be together; but she was now having feelings for Brian. I needed to stop looking at her; so I turned to stare the ceiling, yet still holding her. When I stared the ceiling I finally realized that there were shiny stars painted all around; but my gaze fixed on a particular point: There were few stars that spelled 'Sunny and Brian'. I frowned when I looked at it and, inevitably, I felt kinda bad. Who would have done it? Brian or Freckles? What did they have actually? Were they simply best friends or was there something else? I didn't know and I didn't like this fact of not having anything clear. The only thing I knew was that I needed to do something to see Freckles happy again and I was aware that the only way to get it was if she could be with Brian again as they used to. And I perfectly knew how I could get it; I had to talk to Brian. Freckles said he wouldn't listen to her; but maybe he'd listen to me. I knew that I could get it; the fact was that after talking to Brian, maybe he and Freckles would be together, and more as friends, and I didn't want it; that was why I was trying to avoid that conversation with Brian. But I needed to do it, for Freckles. Like this, I fell asleep, holding Freckles in my arms.

"Sunny? Where are you?" I heard a voice in the distance, yet I kept sleeping. I was tired and I was feeling comfortable sleeping this way with Freckles. "Sunny, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it in time." I heard the same voice saying in the distance.

I heard sounds of keys, steps, the sound of something heavy that was placed on the table, the sound of water pouring on a glass, more steps. I kept my eyes closed and I didn't want to wake up, for some reason my eyes were heavy and I couldn't open them. I heard more steps, the sound of leaving the glass on the sink, the sound of... a barking? What was going on? Why couldn't I open my eyes? Was this part of a dream or not?

"I swear I have an explanation, I didn't want to stand you up." I heard the voice, still in the distance but clearer. "Sunny? Are you in the bedroom?"

For a few minutes I heard nothing but the silence. Then I started hearing steps walking over here, the sound of steps were clearer. Then I heard the sound of the bedroom door opening; but what really made me open my eyes was when someone turned on the lights, making my eyes ache because of the sudden illumination of the bedroom. I frowned and I looked in the direction of the door, squinting because my eyes were still heavy and they weren't yet used to such sudden light. But I did recognize Brian standing, looking from the door right to where Freckles and I were sleeping. He seemed to be puzzled and agape, and he did not move from where he was; it was as though he was stunned. I sat on the bed and I rubbed my eyes.

"Oh... Uh... Err... I... I didn't know you were here... Uh... Sorry, I..." Brian started stammering.

I was still rubbing my eyes, still frowning, and still trying to really wake up. Then I looked at Brian, still squinting; he seemed to be uncomfortable and he was now looking down, frowning slightly and still with that perplexed expression on his face.

"Umm... I think... Er... I think I'll leave you alone..." Brian mumbled uncomfortable and he attempted to turn around but, instead, he glanced at me and Freckles again with that serious and puzzled expression.

Why would he be mumbling? Why would he look at us that way? Why would he feel uncomfortable? What the devil was going on? Then I realized in what kind of situation I was. I was sleeping in the same bed than Freckles, holding her in my arms, very close to her. Of course Brian would feel like that; he was surely thinking something that wasn't. Dammit, this was the last thing that I needed, to screw things between Brian and Freckles even more.

"Hey, no, Brian, wait." I exclaimed before Brian could leave, trying not to speak so loud not to wake Freckles up. Brian stopped, yet he didn't look at our direction. "Man, don't misinterpret this; I know it may seem kind of... messy; but Freckles was feeling bad and well, I just fell asleep." I started explaining while running my fingers through my hair, feeling a bit awkward. "I really…"

"It's alright; you don't owe me any kind of explanation, Darren." Brian suddenly interrupted me. "You both are free to do what you want; I was just surprised because I didn't know you were here. I think... I should just leave." Brian said uncomfortable, attempting to go away again.

"Hey, no! Wait, man!" I exclaimed again and Brian, one more time, stopped. "I... I was actually waiting for you to arrive." I said and Brian turned to look at me frowning. "I actually thought about texting you, but I was tired and I fell asleep before I could do it." I said and Brian looked at me confused. "Umm, Freckles was feeling bad. We were watching a movie and, I don't know why, but I touched her forehead and I noticed she was burning up, like really. And then when she tried to stand up she almost fell on the floor; so I took her here because I thought she needed to rest, but... I couldn't do much, because I suck at this, but I think she's sick."

"What? Is she really sick?" Brian asked very concerned.

He walked quickly to the bed, looking at Freckles. I finally stood up and moved away to let Brian be closer to Freckles, so he would check her. Brian placed a hand on Freckles' forehead with a very serious face, frowning. Then he leaned over to kiss her forehead and when he did this, he frowned even more and then he ran a hand over her cheeks and looked at her lips. He then grabbed Freckles' wrist and pressed lightly the pads of three fingers below her wrist creases at the base of her thumb.

"She's running a fever; she's definitely burning up, her skin and lips are dehydrated and she has a rapid pulse... Has she been having chills?" Brian asked worried.

"Uh, yeah... Yes, she wouldn't stop shivering." I answered looking at Freckles and at him.

"And has she been experiencing hallucinations?" Brian asked while looking for something in the nightstand.

"No, I think that she hasn't. I don't know, I fell asleep; but when I was awake, she hasn't experienced hallucinations." I answered, looking at Brian frowning.

"Good, that's good. Has she had seizures?" Brian asked, still looking for something as I was starting to feel nervous and worried again.

"No. She was only feeling weak; she was burning up, sweating in cold and trembling. But she has not had seizures or hallucinations. Oh, and she mentioned she's been feeling like this for days now." I said looking at Brian who was now walking to the closet and pulling out a white box. He was so edgy that was making me feel very nervous as well.

"For days?" Brian asked alarmed, looking at me. I suddenly felt very intimidated and jittery, so I just nodded. "Crap... That's not good." Brian said frowning, opening the white box.

He pulled out a thermometer and walked to Freckles' bed again. I was silently looking at him and looking at Freckles, still feeling nervous. Brian turned on the thermometer and leaned to open softly Freckles' mouth to place it under her tongue. He waited until the thermometer started beeping, then he checked it and his face reflexed fright.

"Oh shit." Brian exclaimed alarmed, still watching the thermometer.

"What? What's going on?" I asked edgily because Brian's face made me feel really worried.

"Her body temperature is 104.3 degree. Damn! She has high-grade fever. I can't believe she hasn't mentioned anything at all, I can't believe she's been having this high-grade fever for days now. This is bad; this is a symptom of a serious illness. Stupid Sunny! This is bad, so bad." Brian exclaimed really jittery and altered, leaving the thermometer on the nightstand. Then Brian turned around and started walking out the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" I asked very edgy.

Brian didn't answer, but I heard sounds coming from the kitchen. I looked at Freckles very worried; I had no idea what I could do. Brian returned after a while with a glass of water and wet cloths. He placed those things on the nightstand and she uncovered Freckles. Freckles started having chills and she curled, but she didn't wake up. I was feeling completely useless; I was just seeing what Brian was doing.

"She shouldn't be covered with blankets, these may help her feel less cold but they can also increase body temperature." Brian started explaining while he was gently raising up Freckles' body.

I walked to Brian to help him to do it, even if I wasn't sure of what I should do; but I knew that probably he needed help. When I placed my hands on her back and I raised her up, Brian started to take off the hoodie she was wearing. Then he took off her long sleeve t-shirt and I looked away because she was now only in her bra and this was awkward. Then Brian made a gesture as if I could stop raising her up; and so I did it and stepped back again as Brian started to take off her pants. What the hell was he doing? Freckles was now in underwear and she wouldn't stop shivering; but Brian seemed to know what he was doing. He walked to the nightstand and grabbed one of the wet cloths and placed it on her forehead. Then he placed the other wet cloths on her chest and arms and also on her legs and torso.

"Alright... Umm... Darren..." Brian said looking at me. "These cool compresses will help to lower body temperature. They have to be re-applied every 10-15 minutes as the cloths will heat up quickly due to the high body temperature. She also has to drink a lot of cold fluids, they will help to hydrate the body and reduce likelihood of dehydration; so she needs to drink at least that glass of water." Brian explained and I nodded, feeling kind of amazed by the way he was managing this situation as though he was an expert. "Now I'll try to find an open drugstore to buy some meds. Please, I need you to re-apply the cool compresses and I need you to make her drink that water. Can you, please, do it?" Brian asked and I looked at him perplexed.

"Yeah, sure." I answered while nodding.

"Thank you so much, Darren. Oh, by the way, if by chance she asks you to cover her; do not do it; she must not be covered with the blankets or get dressed again; even if she insists, do not do it." Brian warned looking at me fixedly.

"Okay, I get it." I said nodding.

"Thanks. Be right back." Brian said and before leaving, he looked at Freckles for a while with a twinkle in his eyes.

There was something certainly weird in the way he was looking at Freckles. When he noticed I was observing him, he turned around and quickly left the room. Now I was alone in the room while Freckles seemed to be still asleep. I grabbed the only chair that was in the bedroom and I moved it next to Freckles' bed. I sat and I remained looking at her. She wouldn't stop shivering and she was still sweating; yet she didn't talk and she didn't open her eyes. It was kind of disturbing to see her like that; I really wanted to cover her because of the way she seemed to be very cold, but Brian told me not to do it. Brian arrived just in time and I was still amazed by the way he managed this situation. How would he know so much about this? Or I was a total idiot or he was very educated on the subject. Even if he knew too much about this and even if he managed the situation, he was very jittery and altered. He was really worried and this only meant that he really, but really cared about Freckles. The way he looked at Freckles, the way he treated her gently while doing all the things he's done, the way he quickly checked what was happening to her as soon as I mentioned him that she wasn't feeling good; only meant that things weren't so much as Freckles thought they were. As distant as they could be now, Brian would never ignore her and he'd never leave her; their friendship would never be as fucked up to the point they walk away from each other. Freckles made clear what Brian meant to her; and for what I could see minutes ago, I could notice what Freckles meant to Brian. Nobody was going to fool me; I was a guy, so I knew perfectly what Brian was feeling for Freckles. I always suspected that there was something weird in Brian whenever he was close to Freckles; and minutes ago, I finally could be sure about my suspicions. I was sure that Brian was feeling something more for Freckles than only a friendly feeling. Brian was surely in love with Freckles and it made much sense; it explained everything: all the weird reactions he had when Freckles was around, all the weird ways to look at her, the way he was always defending her, the way he always used to do what Freckles wanted; he was surely in love with her, that was a logical explanation; because somehow Brian reminded me of myself when I was dating Freckles in high school. I was going to play dumb, of course. Freckles shouldn't know that Brian was feeling something more for her; just as Brian shouldn't know that Freckles was feeling something more for him. Yes, I was selfish; but I simply wouldn't be able to stand seeing them dating; although they were two cool and amazing people, I just couldn't. I hated the fact that probably I was falling for Freckles again while she had feelings for Brian and Brian had feelings for Freckles. What would I do? This was worse than what I thought it'd be. Damn shit, I shouldn't be falling for Freckles; I needed to stop feeling that way and I should let her be happy with a good guy as Brian was; but I knew I was going to do something not to let it happen. Did it make me a bad person? I was deep in thought when I heard the sounds of keys coming from the front door. After few seconds, Brian appeared in the bedroom with a plastic bag.

"How has she been? Has she done something weird?" Brian asked walking to the bed, looking at Freckles.

"No, she hasn't. Everything was all right." I answered while Brian nodded.

"Good. Thank you, Darren." Brian said while pulling out a bottle of Tylenol.

I observed him while he took a blue and red caplet and opened Freckles' mouth. He placed his hand on the nape of her neck, raised up her head and placed the caplet on her tongue; then he grabbed the glass of water and moved it to her mouth.

"Drink the water, Sunny." Brian whispered softly. Freckles was still with her eyes closed and she was asleep, but somehow she did what Brian asked. "Good, very good, Sunny." He said yearningly, leaving the glass of water on the nightstand and kissing her temple.

I just remained observing him, thinking that in the past I was the one to look at Freckles and talk to her that way. I looked down and I kept thinking that maybe I should stand aside and let them feel free to be together if they wanted to; maybe it was time. Brian really cared about Freckles. He re-applied the cool compresses on her forehead, chest, arms, legs and torso; while I was silent, looking at that situation. Then Brian looked at me.

"Thanks, dude, for being here when she started feeling bad; and thanks for letting me know that. She surely wouldn't have mentioned it to me because... well, because we are... it doesn't matter. Just thanks." Brian said looking down, apparently feeling guilty because of this. I knew what he tried to say was that she wouldn't have mentioned it to him because they were distant.

"No problem. After all, you're the one who has done everything, right?" I answered looking at him. Brian didn't say anything; he was still looking down, biting his lips and running his fingers through his hair. I knew he wouldn't admit that he has done everything, so then this would be an uncomfortable situation for both of us. "How did you know exactly what to do? You seem like a sort of an expert." I asked and Brian looked at me surprised then he looked down.

"Well, I had to know those things. I was the only one who had to take care of myself, and I also had to take care of my dad. So I know things." Brian answered kind of uncomfortable and I felt awkward. I was such an idiot, of course he had to; he never had his mother.

Now the awkward silence begun. I thought that maybe this was the perfect time to talk to him about Freckles... Not about what they were feeling for each other, but to talk about what happened when Brian saw his mother two weeks ago. I was going to do this for Freckles.

"Maybe we should let her rest." I commented to start, subtly, this talk.

"Yeah... That would be the best." Brian, fortunately, agreed. "Uh... Do you want something to drink or something? Or do you want to go? As you prefer."

"Yeah, it'd be cool to drink something. Maybe a coffee? If it's not too much to ask." I replied. I didn't even know why I was acting formally around him if he was a friend like my other friends; maybe because I was nervous for this talk I was going to start.

"Of course not, buddy." Brian said and I nodded.

Brian and I left the bedroom, and before leaving the bedroom, I glanced surreptitiously at Brian who leaned over to kiss Freckles' cheek and then he glanced at her before leaving completely the bedroom. I played dumb, and I walked straight to the couch, without paying attention around me. Brian went to the kitchen and he started making coffee for both of us. I was too distracted, thinking how I could start the conversation until I felt something in between my legs that made me jump in fear. I looked down and I saw a little puppy trying to climb my legs. It had long and fluffy white hair, its ears were small and pointed upright, and the muzzle tapered slightly; it had large oval eyes that were dark and slightly slanted, and the nose and lips were black. I chuckled softly when the little puppy wanted to climb my legs again and failed because it was too little. I leaned to caress its long, soft and fluffy hair. Man, this puppy was adorable.

"Hey, man, I had no idea you had a puppy!" I exclaimed while Brian was still in the kitchen. He looked at my direction and when he saw the puppy he laughed softly.

"Oh yeah, I found it hours ago. It was hurt when I found it, apparently a car ran over it and it seemed it was a lost puppy; nobody walked to it while it was crying; so I took it to the vet." Brian started explaining while making the coffee as I placed the little puppy on my lap to pet it. "The vet told me it would get better soon. He said it was a male purebred dog, a Japanese Spitz. He gave me instructions to take care of it until it gets to recover. Tomorrow I'll publish that I have a lost puppy, because it might have an owner who is looking for it."

"Why don't you keep it? It's adorable!" I said giggling when the little puppy started licking my hand. Brian laughed when he heard me.

"I'd love to. But I can't; first because it's not allowed to have pets in this residence; then because it's a purebred dog, so it surely has an owner who must be desperate to find it." Brian explained, now walking to the couch with the two coffee mugs. He handed one to me and he sat on the couch, looking at the puppy with a grin. "It's really cute; I wish I could keep it."

"Ah! Just keep it, it'd be like the pet of everybody and we'll help you to hide it, so nobody would find out that you have a pet here. I always wanted to have a puppy dog." I said with a goofy smile, petting the puppy that was still on my lap.

"Well, if the owner doesn't claim it, you could keep it in your apartment. There you are allowed to have pets." Brian said while caressing the puppy dog as it started to walk to Brian and rest its head on Brian's lap.

"Oh, I'm starting to think that the puppy already found a new owner." I said chuckling softly when the puppy stood on Brian's lap and rested its front legs on his chest to lick his face, while wagging its tail as Brian was chuckling and petting its fluffy hair. "Besides, I think I have no chances to keep it in my apartment. I mean, as soon as Freckles gets to see it, I'm pretty sure she'll beg you to keep it; she'll be a pain in the ass until you agree to keep it. Buddy, I think you'll have to get used to having a puppy in your dorm room."

"Yeah, maybe. I have to think about a name." Brian said looking at the puppy with a wide smile, still petting it. Maybe he was now really considering keeping it.

"Maybe Freckles could help you with that. I'm sure she'd want to take part in choosing the name; it's something important, I guess, like when you choose the name for a toy or for a baby." I said shrugging, seeing how the puppy now smelled Brian's ear. Brian kept grinning but not as wide as before; maybe he didn't like something of what I said.

"Yeah, maybe she could choose a name." Brian commented, still petting the puppy. Apparently he really liked pets. "I used to have a pet when I was little; it was called Anakin. Yeah, big fan of Star Wars." Brian said chuckling as I laughed.

"That's a totally awesome name, actually. I'd call mine Chewy, as a nickname for Chewbacca. Did you know that in high school my yearbook quote was in honor of Chewbacca?" I asked amused when I remembered it.

"You gotta be kidding me..." Brian said looking at me just as amused.

"No, not kidding. I remember that my yearbook quote was something like... Aarrhhhhunnngh!" I said imitating Chewbacca's sounds as Brian burst out laughing.

"That's a good one, dude. I should've chosen something funny too, so right now I'd laugh at it; but it wasn't like that." Brian said still laughing while caressing the puppy that was now curled up in Brian's lap.

"So, back to your pet Anakin... What happened with it?" I asked curiously and suddenly Brian's gaze turned gloomy as he looked down, yet he kept grinning faintly.

"Umm... My mother took it with her the last time I saw her, when she abandoned me and my dad. I've never seen Anakin ever since." Brian answered shrugging, still looking down and petting the puppy that was now asleep on his lap. Now that he mentioned his mother, I thought it was time to start talking to him about what I wanted to talk.

"Umm, Brian... Eh, I want to talk to you..." I said in a hesitant way as Brian looked at me, frowning slightly.

"Yeah? What about?" He asked. I knew he was playing dumb; I knew he knew what about; he wasn't precisely a fool person.

"About your mother and what recently happened." I said looking fixedly at him, feeling intimidated for some reason.

"Umm... You know? I really don't wanna talk about it." Brian answered frowning, uncomfortable and a bit annoyed, looking away.

"Man..." I started saying with a sigh.

"Stop, Darren. I won't talk about it." Brian interrupted me in an imposing way. Now a profound silence invaded the room.

"You know, buddy? You can keep postponing this conversation, but sooner or later, you'll have to talk about it. And if you don't want to talk about it now, it's fine, you can remain silent; but I want to say some things." I said firmly after a while. Brian didn't answer, but he didn't object either. "I want to apologize for what happened. I had no idea that you could feel bad by seeing your mother; I actually thought it could be something cool for you. Of course I didn't know that you thought she was dead. I want to explain you how I happened to meet your mother and why she was there that day."

So then I started explaining him everything since the beginning. I told him how she appeared all of a sudden and followed me and Joey to our apartment after we left the Blind Pig one night. I told him she had a gun and she forced us to get into the apartment. I told him the conversation we had, the photo she showed me, the agreement we had. Yes, I knew Freckles asked me not to mention Jim in front of Brian; because he shouldn't know that Jim was still messing with us and Brian couldn't get worried about something else because he already had too much problems. But Brian needed to know to understand everything, and most importantly to forgive Freckles. So I told him about Jim and how he threatened his mother. The only thing I didn't explain him was the reason of why his mother was here if she was supposedly dead; because I still didn't know that. Brian remained silent and he didn't look at me, not even one time; he was looking down, frowning, with a confused and disturbed expression. I didn't know if he was sad, scared, upset or worried; but it wasn't a good sign for sure.

"So I'm sorry for what happened. I want to apologize because I honestly didn't know that seeing your mother would be something bad. If I'd known it, I'd have never brought your mother that day." I apologized honestly as Brian kept looking down, frowning. "And Freckles has nothing to do with this; I basically forced her to bring you to my apartment that day; I was the one who forced her not to tell you that you mother was there; Freckles didn't want to do it and she refused strongly, but I forced her. It was entirely my fault. So if there's one person with who you should be mad at, that's me and not Freckles." I said with all my courage, looking down and biting my lip.

I knew that probably Brian would want to punch me or yell at me, and I didn't want it because we were friends; but I needed to do this for Freckles, because she wasn't doing well and she didn't deserve feeling that way. After all, this was the truth. But Brian didn't do any kind of brusque movement and he didn't seem to attempt to yell. He remained looking down, frowning with a very serious and disturbed face, with his hands on the puppy that was still sleeping on his lap. After a very profound and abysmal silence, he ran his fingers through his hair, still with that serious face. He was fraught.

"I take your apology, Darren. And thanks for being honest." Brian said almost in a whisper, yet his deep voice echoed in the very silent room. I looked at Brian, frowning slightly. I frankly wasn't expecting his forgiveness so easily; this was weird.

"Aren't you mad at me?" I asked gingerly, looking fixedly at him.

"No." Brian answered while shaking his head, still looking down.

"Don't you want to punch me or kick my ass?" I asked gingerly again.

"No, why would I want to do it?" Brian answered while frowning. "I might look like one but I'm not a violent person, Darren."

"Yeah, I know... But... Are you really not mad at me? Not even a bit?" I asked feeling confused.

"No, I'm not mad at you." Brian repeated.

"Are you... disappointed in me?" I asked gingerly because I couldn't believe he wasn't mad at me or something. There was no way he wouldn't feel a kind of anger or disappointment; he was for sure feeling something.

"No, I'm not." Brian replied curtly.

I looked at him frowning because I really couldn't get anything. He was disappointed in Freckles who had nothing to do with this, but he didn't feel disappointed in me, he wasn't even mad at me. Why? What was he exactly feeling or thinking?

"Why? I mean... I told you everything. I told you that I was the one who brought your mother to my apartment that day and I was the one who forced Freckles. In short, I was the one who screwed everything up, who caused too many troubles; it was my entire fault. Then, why wouldn't you feel mad or disappointed in me? I don't get it." I said very confused, looking at him fixedly while frowning as Brian was still looking down with the serious face.

"Umm, I know why you're wondering that; so let's spare any attempt to play dumb and let's get straight to the point..." Brian said slowly as he raised an eyebrow. "You might be wondering why I'd forgive you so easily and why I'd not be mad or disappointed in you while I can't forgive her."

"Well yeah, that's exactly what I'm wondering." I admitted honestly.

"Alright, and I'll tell you the reasons." Brian said roundly and I looked at him surprised by the way he wouldn't play dumb as before. "There's a subtle difference between you and her. Whereas I'm now aware of how things were, I still can't forgive her, even if I'd like to, I can't. But I can forgive you and I do forgive you. You know why? Because you were honest with me; and yeah, she was also honest with me." Brian started explaining as I was looking at him even more confused. I couldn't understand anything; either I was a fool or Brian was a mess. "The difference is that you had no idea about my situation between me and my mother. Yes, you knew that my mother abandoned me when I was eight because I told you. But that was the only thing you knew. So I believe you when you say that you wouldn't have done it if you'd known. You made a mistake, yeah, but you didn't know it could be a mistake. So I see no reasons why I wouldn't forgive you. And I see no reasons to be mad at you, because you were honest; and I see no reasons to be disappointed in you, because you didn't have bad intentions. You have made a mistake as any other human being; and you were kind of forced to do it, I understand that; so that's why I take your apology and I forgive you." Brian said looking at me. He was serious and frowning, but he was quiet. "But with Sunny it's something completely different. She knew everything; and when I say everything, I mean absolutely everything. Before she took me to your apartment that day, she knew why my mother abandoned me, she knew how I felt when she did it, she knew how I've been feeling all these fucking years since she abandoned me; she knew all the things I had to do, all the things I had to give in, and all the things I had to hold back when my mother abandoned me; she knew all the troubles that her abandonment caused me, troubles that I could never overcome, not even after 12 years. She knew everything; she knew things that nobody else knew, because I told her things that I've never ever told anyone in my entire life. I'm not one of those people who say out loud his thoughts or feelings, I never do it; but I decided to change it with her, only with her. It was hard, but I trusted her." Brian said sadly, still looking down with his eyebrows downwards.

His voice cracked while saying this, but he quickly cleared his throat; anyway he wouldn't fool me, I knew he was feeling bad and I knew this was making him feel like crying; I knew it because I've been there, feeling that way, wanting to cry but not wanting anyone to find it out. I was looking intently at him, very serious; now I was starting to understand why Brian was feeling disappointed in Freckles. I didn't utter a single word; I just remained looking at him to just listen to him.

"Point is she knew everything about me and my mother; yet she took me to your apartment that day; without even giving me a hint that there was something awaiting me that was obviously going to hurt me. She knew it was going to hurt me, yet she didn't say a damn shit. Now I know she was forced to do it, but still; if she had to do it and she couldn't talk, she should have given me at least a hint. How would you feel if the only person in the world you can trust and the only one who knows absolutely all of your deepest secrets takes you to somewhere you're gonna find another person that caused you too much pain in your life, too many problems you could never overcome?" Brian asked, finally looking at me.

His face expressed distress. I've only seen Brian distressed when someone broke into his room, breaking all of his belongings and stealing the money he was saving for his father; and now it was the second time I saw him distressed. So this was for sure something really bad for him; something hard; because he was never sad, he was always joyful.

"Hurt... And disappointed, I guess." I answered in all honesty, looking down.

"Exactly." Brian said sighing and nodding. "You know? I actually can forgive her; but it'd take me months, or even years, to trust her again; so our relationship will never be as it used to be; because something in between was left behind: the trusting we used to have. I wish I could simply forget everything, forgive her and trust her again, because she's my best friend and she was the only person with who I shared things that I haven't shared with anyone else. But I can't; she's hurt me deeply and made me loose the little ability to trust people I gained in 12 years, everything that happened was a huge setback for me." Brian said sadly, looking down and biting his lips. "And don't get me wrong; I still think she's an extraordinary person; I know she's truly a warm-hearted person; she has only made a mistake, but unfortunately I can't forgive that mistake, even if I'd like to."

Brian was with his gaze lost, as if he were deep in thought, petting the little puppy that was sleeping on his lap. I was looking at him fixedly, thinking about all he said; I've never expected he could be distant with Freckles for those reasons, I never thought it could be this complicated. He was hurt and for that he was distant with her; but it wasn't because he thought Freckles was a bad person. By the way he said Freckles was an extraordinary person, I could notice he was probably still feeling something more for her, despite how hurt he was now. But mostly, I was thinking what I could say to him now; I still wanted to make Brian see that Freckles was really repentant and she wasn't doing well because he was acting differently with her. I was still convinced that I could do something to make Brian forgive Freckles for real. I was still thinking that I needed to do this for Freckles, to see her smiling brightly again. I knew what I had to say… I didn't want to say everything, but I had to say what Freckles did for him and what she said about him; even if this wasn't going to help me and my confusing feelings for Freckles. So I took a deep breath before looking at Brian again and start saying what I had to say.

"Yes, she's made a mistake, maybe a terrible mistake; but she's just another human being." I started saying and Brian glanced at me, frowning slightly, maybe because he wasn't expecting me to talk. "I wish you had been there when Freckles faced your mother, so you'd have realized that there are few people who can love someone the way she loves you. And if you'd seen the way she stood up for you when she faced your mother; you'd surely have understood that you can find a friend like her once in a lifetime; a real and true friend who's willing to give away everything for the person they love." I said softly while looking down, remembering the way Freckles stood up for Brian that day. I glanced at Brian and I noticed he was looking at me very fixedly, very intrigued to hear what I was saying. His face was a mix of sadness, confusion and curiosity. "I know it's hard to forgive a friend who has disappointed you and who has hurt you deeply; but when that friend risks everything for you when you aren't even seeing or hearing what that friend is doing for you; I think that friend deserves a second chance; because any friend who isn't completely honest and devoted would have done what Freckles has done while you weren't there to see her defending and protecting you, showing the real love she feels for you." I said with my gaze lost, looking down.

This was the truth; Freckles was really that and she really has done it; she really felt that for Brian. Yes, it was hard to say because I was almost sure that both of them had more feelings for each other, and maybe this was going to make Brian react and tell her his feelings, then Freckles would tell him her feelings; and I wasn't ready for that. But I knew this was what I had to do; just tell the truth, for Freckles… Maybe also for Brian who was my friend, but mostly for Freckles. Brian was looking at me stunned; he was looking at me but I knew he wasn't paying attention to my face, he was deep in thought; with that stunned gaze, surely this was messy for him. Suddenly he didn't seem to be so intimidating and strong; suddenly he seemed to be very vulnerable, like that day he saw his mother.

"Has she faced my mother? What has she said?" Brian asked almost in a whisper, still with that stunned gaze, now looking at me eagerly and maybe I could notice a hint of hope in his eyes.

"A lot of things; but most importantly that she's the person who's gonna do whatever it takes to protect you from all the people who ever dare to hurt you." I answered in all honesty, but omitting certain things she said, like what she said she maybe was in love with him. He looked down as his eyebrows were pulled in and up and he parted his lips; still with that confused, stunned and afflicted gaze. He remained silent for a long time.

"Has she asked you to tell me this?" Brian asked in a gloomy way, still with that face expression. Why would he think she has forced me to tell him this? It was the opposite.

"No. She even begged me not to mention you this because she was afraid you could be even more disappointed in her for facing your mother the way she did." I answered frankly.

"Then why are you telling me this?" Brian asked finally looking at me, with that troubled gaze, still with his eyebrows pulled in and up.

I looked down and bit my lips, taking a long time to answer this; so the room was invaded by an abysmal silence. I was trying to choose carefully each word; this was being hard for me to say and Brian seemed to be afflicted and confused, maybe he was realizing that Freckles was feeling something more than just a friendly feeling for him; and I could tell that he longed for it. I really wanted them to have what they used to have, for the sake of both of them; because they were going to feel good again if they could forgive each other; but I didn't want Brian to find out that Freckles was confused about her feelings for him; I didn't want Brian to think that he had chances to be with her as he probably was desiring. Maybe he'd find it out, maybe Freckles would tell him her feelings; but I didn't want Brian to find it out by me, because I still couldn't picture them together. I only wanted them to be best friends. Brian was still looking at me eagerly, so I took a deep breath before answering.

"Because I thought you should know everything that Freckles is willing to do for you; and because I think it'd be a shame seeing how a genuine friendship falls apart because of one mistake made by one of the people who love you in a way few people can love someone." I answered now looking at him.

When Brian heard my response, he looked away as though he was processing and assimilating everything I said. He was very silent, still with that face; it was as though he was feeling bad for something, maybe as though he was sorry for the way he has been acting around Freckles, now that I told him everything Freckles has done for him. Would he have noticed that Freckles had deep feelings for him, more than he thought? Would he be thinking that he had chances to start a love affair with her? Hopefully, he wouldn't. Still, Brian was confused and maybe what I said wasn't enough; and I just really wanted to leave now, because I couldn't keep talking about Freckles in front of him. I frowned and bit my lips before sighing.

"I have to go now…" I whispered while sighing and standing up.

Brian didn't answer; he remained looking blankly at a fixed point, with the same expression on his face. He just nodded, without answering, without looking at me. He probably couldn't talk or move right now because he was deep in thought. So I just assumed that I had to go alone to the front door to leave; and so I did. I opened the door and I glanced at Brian, who was still sitting on the couch.

"Would you let me know if Freckles gets better?" I asked.

"Sure, thanks for everything." Brian answered and I nodded.

I was about to walk outside and leave, but there was something else I needed to say, even if I didn't want to mention it, I had to. For Freckles, I repeated in my mind. So I frowned and looked at Brian, who was still not looking at me.

"Brian…" I said and he finally turned his face to look at me. "I thought that maybe you should know that Freckles said you mean everything to her. I wish you could consider forgiving her."

I didn't even look at him while saying this, because I couldn't, because I knew which face Brian would have and I couldn't see it. I finally walked outside and before closing the door, my gaze fixed on Brian. He was with his lips parted and his eyebrows downwards, with a look I could recognize: the look you get when you realize there's hope for something you've been longing for a long time to hear. He was in love with Freckles… Shit.