Hey guys. I'm back and so is Pisses Me Off. There's a new story I've written. A Guide of The Portal and all the annoying things it pitches out. Mainly dealing with Naruto Mary-sues. No one is safe from that bahahaha….

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Jeff Dunham and co nor do I own Naruto


Gaara of the Socially Awkward

"So are you going to get me those files or what?" Gaara sat staring straight at Kankuro. Kankuro was still slightly freaked out as he rolled out of bed without a word and pulled on his clothes. They both left without a word, but Kankuro gave his girlfriend a look that said he would be back soon. Gaara gave him a look that said no you won't.

"What all do you need Gaara?" Kankuro grumbled. He would much rather be back in bed with his girlfriend.

"Papers. Now. And why are you upset about me being in your room? I'm in there all the time."

"Gaara. There are limits." Kankuro sighed.

"On what?" The redhead tilted his head not unlike a confused dog.

"On when you come in to people's rooms. If there's someone else in the room or in the bed with them." Kankuro mentally kicked himself for even bringing it up. Of course Gaara wouldn't understand. No one had really explained it too him. It was too awkward with his never blinking stare.

"Why?"

"Because you don't Gaara." Kankuro groaned.

"Why is that?"

"The same reason you don't interrupt people while they're talking. It's not polite and it's invading their privacy." Kankuro dug through the desk to retrieve papers as Gaara watched.

"But what if it's an emergency?"

"Then you may interrupt. But if it isn't, then don't."

"So what were you two doing before I got there?"

"None of your business Gaara."

"I am Kazekage. I think I have the right to know."

Shit.

Hell no we won't go!

"What exactly is this ya dumbass!" Walter snarled as Jeff instructed them to hold still.

"Indeed Jeff. What are you attempting to do?" Melvin inquired nervously.

"I'M NOT GOING JEFAFA!!!!!!!" Peanut screamed.

"Will yew calm tha hell down!" Bubba snapped at the woozle. "Now make yerself useful and go get me another beer." He grumbled.

"Hey, chill. Now." Jeff snapped.

"Si." José agreed with the cockroach simultaneously.

"Is this going to hurt?" Melvin cringed as Iruka set up the scrolls.

"It shouldn't.."

"Will we suffocate and die?" Peanut squirmed.

"No. I've been in a scroll before. It doesn't hurt and no, you don't suffocate." Iruka tried to explain calmly.

"How long will we in in there?"

"Can I bring beer?"

"I ain't going you dumbasses." Walter growled.

"Fine. You first." Iruka made a rapid succession of hand signs as Walter yelled in protest and was sucked into the scrolls with a poof sound. Kakashi smirked at the kanji "Bitchy old man."

Akatsuki, meet your pimp

Sweet Daddy Dee gazed around the room that was being lent to Achmed. Dungeon-like, no bathroom, no air, no heat.

"My client will not live like this! Tch." Sweet Daddy stated. "Boy how the hell have you been living in this?:"

"Well, you see, I have no need for a bathroom." Achmed shrugged.

"Bitch! You are getting a better room!"

"But I thought you were 'da ho' now?"

"Well, I'll go and talk with people. Tch." With that, Sweet Daddy Dee stormed out of the room.

He kept walking until he heard voices from a room.

"Deidara-Sama! I can't wrap this unless you hold still!"

"Well, I rolled off the top of a freaking thing that that skeleton calls a Prius! The Skeleton wasn't lying Fi-chan! It hurts like a bitch yeah."

Sweet Daddy barged in to see three young women surrounding a blonde male with mouths on his hands and stitches on his chest in a tattoo. One of the girls was attempting to bandage his arm. The mouths were snapping.

"Tch! What the hell is this freak show!" Sweet Daddy exclaimed. All four turned around.

"Who the hell are you, un?" Deidara commented. The girl took his distraction to make progress with the bandaging.

"Yo new pimp bitches! HAHA! Tch."

Screwed over

"Ugh…Toilet?" Suigetsu gave Sakura puppy dog eyes as his stomach gurgled. She motioned her head towards the bathroom and he bolted. They heard the door slam.

"So, I am so happy to see you again." Sasuke reached over and began playing with her pink hair.

"I am too."

"Which is why you'd never turn me in, right?" Sasuke stroked her cheek.

"Nope. I already called ANBU when you came in the first time." Sakura smiled demonically at the look on the nin's face. "They've been outside the entire time. You really think you'd get off that easily for abandoning us like that? COME IN BOYS."

Within seconds, her front room was swarmed with ANBU.

Bitch.

Busted

Hinata hummed merrily as she prepared snacks for her father and Neji. She had finally kissed him! Well, on the cheek, but that counted for something! Plus, he had said he wanted to go out again! Oh she was in such a good mood! Not even Hanabi in one of her foul moods could ruin it! She was walking on air practically as she set the tray down outside and scurried away.

Naruto walked into town, resisting the urge to sneak past the Hyuuga complex. Two bowls of ramen later, he gave in to temptation and ran to the complex. He shimmied up a tree in the back and saw Hinata in the Garden.

"Hinata-chan!" He hissed. Hinata's eyes grew wide as she saw the boy in the black t-shirt hanging over the wall. "Hey Hinata! Let's go somewhere!" He hissed with his wide grin. She blushed before nodding and walking over to the wall before scaling it. They both dropped on the other side and turned to come face-to-face with Hinata's father.

"Is there a particular reason you are sneaking away with my daughter?" He asked coldly with a raised eyebrow.

Dammit.

Review! And don't forget to check out The Curious Case Files of the Mysterious Portal!