A/N: Hello guys! Here it is a new chapter as promised! I'm sorry I couldn't update earlier, but I had a party, I came back home at 6am, and I woke up and I didn't have internet connection till now. So yes, I couldn't update earlier! So, here's the thing: I am sleepy. Therefore, you may find a lot of typos. But... I wanted to update today because I want to wish you a Happy New Year. So, the year comes to its end and people start feeling emotional... So, I wanna say a few words. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being part of my life this year. One can be part of the life of somebody else in different ways;well, you were 'virtually' part of my life, and no less important for that reason. I shared with you this story that only you know about its existence, and you read it and shared with me your opinion; even shared with me things about you and your lives. You told me a lot of nice things, you made smile, laugh and shed few tears sometimes. You encouraged me to keep writing. You've been very supportive and I never expected something like that when I made the decision to start writing a story; because I love writing but people in the past told me I wasn't good at it, so I gave up that dream. You're not just 'readers', you're the people who encouraged me to resume my dreams. So you see, you are a very important part of my life this year, even if we don't know each other in person. And I really hope you got something positive of me or this story this year; I really hope I gave you something in return for what you've done for me, even if I'm not aware of it just as you weren't aware of what you did for me. All in all, I want to make a toast to all of you and this amazing year full of bad and good things; and I want to wish you not a 'happy' but a 'totally awesome' New Year! I hope this New Year to come is far better for you than this year that is ending. Thanks again to each of you. Now, after this emotional outburst, I'll start replying your reviews!
MeMi83: First off, don't be sorry because you couldn't read the chapter before the other was posted! I completely understand that you couldn't because you were busy. This time of the year always keeps us busy. These are lovely times, but also rushing times! You didn't have time to read, I didn't have time to write; so the thing to blame here, is only time! It's a lame joke and rhyme, isn't it? Then, I did have a great Christmas with all my family! It was one of the loveliest Christmases; I ate a lot but I did not get many gifts, just only one because none of us had money to buy gifts to everyone; so, considering it and trying to do something funny, we played Secret Santa. I got a T-shirt and chocolates! How was yours? Now, about the story... Never give up guessing because you might get it right! haha, you said it! You'll find it out in this new chapter! I had to write something nice after all the drama of the last chapter! Besides, I missed Jen, I missed writing about the whole group of friends reunited, and I missed writing about Darren/Freckles interaction! February being possessive and insecure, yes, she is that kind of girlfriend, the thing is: why is she like that? Oh, and I agree, something bad always happened between Darren and Freckles and it's time for them to finally be able to enjoy their friendship; they deserve it. Well, someday that day will come!
eternityforklaine21: Aw, I'm glad it was one of your favorite chapters, Jodie! I had to bring Jen back to the story! I missed her and that group of friends reunited! But what really made me smile is the fact that you liked the interaction between Joey and Freckles. I wasn't sure if you'd like to read something like that, but I guess I wanted to write about a deeper connection between them, now we know it's only a friendly connection. I wanted to make it cute and innocent, with something good coming out of it. Yes, February really acted in a wrong way there, it was unfair and senseless what she did; but sometimes some people are just possessive and jealous and that is something that can bring too many troubles. Oh, Darren will realize it soon, don't worry. Something will happen; maybe only between him and February, or maybe Freckles will be involved, maybe someone else, too. Don't whine at me, please Jodie! I am so sorry! I know I screwed it up with the cliffhanger and I ruined the cute moment! I just can't help it! haha. Thank you so much for saying this is one of your favorite stories! I hope you never change the smile to a huff of annoyance saying 'Argh, again this stupid notification!' when you get an email saying I've posted a new chapter. You took my advice? I didn't have time to read these last days, so I'm gonna read your update if my stupid internet connection let me do so! I really wanna read it and I'll totally let you know what I think! I'm sure it'll be great as always! LoveLoveLove for you, Jodie!
Zahra Ayoub: I missed you, too, Zahra! I understand you were busy and I like the fact that it was because you had an english course and know that you rocked the exam! I think I should take an english course, too! It's been years since the last time and I feel like I cannot speak it, which is something really bad. You have exams on Sundays? Oh geez! That's not a good thing; I mean, I'd be totally pissed off if I had an exam on a Sunday! Then, I really wish your exams go well! I know how stressful they can be, but you're gonna make it! And I really hope that reading a new chapter could be like a good kind of break and not a completely waste of time! Because breaks are to enjoy when you're studying hard! Aww, I'm glad you liked the chapter! I really missed writing more about Freckles and Darren and how they interact, alone! In future chapters, more interaction between them will happen! I totally agree with what you said about February! No matter if she has trust issues, she should understand, as you said, that in our hearts there's a place for lovers and a place for friends and both of them are just as important; and Darren should understand that you can live without a love but not without friends, as you said! Maybe he will realize it someday. I missed Jen too and I also wish I could have a friend like her! I mean, it's not necessary to tell her what's going on with you because she just notices it, and sometimes we need that when we feel we cannot talk; not only that, but she gives advices... I totally need a friend like her! And she ships Darren and Freckles! I'll keep in mind the bridesmaid thing! I think it'd be really nice. When you're free, do not doubt to tell me all you want! I'll be willing to give you advices, I love it! You know where to find me! haha. Oh, a dialogue between Faust and the Devil, eh? Ah, yeah, I can imagine that studying theater is not all about fun! It has its boring side, too, it happens in all things of life. But, despite that part, isn't theater one of the best things? I believe you really enjoy it!
santana12226: Another cliffhanger? I really don't know what you're talking about, Santana! I don't know anything about cliffhangers! haha. January or February? It is actually March! Yes, I know you hate her and you have accurate reasons! Making him choose is something not cool, and he agreeing, that's a bit stupid, in my opinion. But yeah, he might be that desperate for love; imagine she's the first girl he really likes after Freckles... He'll soon realize that mistake. Joekles! haha, it sounds funny! Maybe we can keep Joekles as a bromance, because Freckles is like a 'bro'! Gal pals? No... I like more bromance. But Dreckles for the winning! Something borrowed? I haven't watched that movie! I need to watch it now! I'm like that kind of girl who likes romantic movies, so yes, I'm gonna watch it! Oh, I wanted to write a romantic thing happening between Darren and Freckles, and one day I was in the cheesy mood and came up with all of that; besides, I wanted to make the moment of 'not alone' perfect, because that will always be my favorite Darren's song! Oh my god! I never thought about that thing of the Golden Gate Bridge part! You're totally right, it totally looks like Titanic! Geez! I guess I got that idea from that, of course unaware of it! How about that, eh? Darren and Freckles are the new Jack and Rose, my life is complete! haha. Yay! I'm glad you liked the fact that Jen is back! I missed her, too! I missed writing about Darren, Freckles and Jen together, now also with Joey! And yes, no Brian! It's been a while since the last time I didn't write a chapter in which Brian wasn't even mentioned! He'll appear again, don't worry! I like Greg too and he'll become someone important in the story, but in the very future chapters! Alright, ship queen! Greakles! Sounds like greek, I like it! Maybe there will be more Greakles interaction! They could be good friends, I think! And yes, you had to wait one week and a little more to read who the hell was at the door! But you didn't have to wait three weeks, that might be something good! Aw! Did you see me under your Christmas tree? I was there like in the blink of an eye! Oh, that was so sweet, Santana! You had me smiling like a fool!
alicegursk: I told you fuckfebruary would become something bigger! She's a real bitch, isn't she? I don't why Darren would agree with what she was asking him to do, though. That was stupid and hopefully someday he'll realize that. And maybe it's February the one who's at the door, who knows? Yes, I understand your anger, I hate those kinds of girlfriends too; they destroy the relationship rather than making it work. 'Crying like I'm on my period' wins the award to the best phrase ever! It's too good, too accurate! I just love it and I'll start using it daily, unless you decide to get royalties out of it, which would make me feel as sad as it is to see a sad panda. They will be together in different ways! And Team Jen? Hell yeah, I like it! I'm on that team, too! Okay? It is a big and free team. And nothing hurts.
Alright, guys! This is the last thing I'll say this year! I hope you have a wonderful way to end the year and a totally awesome to start the new year! Lots of love and… UNTIL NEXT YEAR, GUYS! Warm fuzzies! 2014... HERE WE GO!
TEENAGE DREAM
Chapter 62
A phone call
You were too shocked to move, too stunned to talk. You just could look into his eyes as your body was slightly shivering while your heart was beating really fast. It's been a while since the last time you saw him. What was he doing here? How did he find you? He smiled shyly but he didn't say anything. You just remained looking into his deep green eyes. You haven't seen him since that awkward encounter a week ago, when you forgot it was his birthday. You never apologized to him, even if you wanted to do so. You just forgot him and now that he was there, you couldn't talk to him. You didn't even want to see him because his mere presence made you feel bad again when you were feeling really great before seeing him. You looked down and pursed your lips.
"Hi." Brian greeted timidly. You didn't answer. You didn't look at him. "How are you?" He asked and you ignored him again.
The profound silence invaded the space between you and him. He was waiting for you to answer and you wouldn't answer; so it felt awkward. Why was he there? Why did he look for you after he heard the songs you dedicated to him in the Blind Pig? You looked at him through your lashes, in a very sly way. He was now looking down and his timid grin turned into a half-smile. Then he looked up and you shifted your gaze so your eyes wouldn't meet; however, before your shifted your gaze, you could see that twinkle in his eyes that always captivated you.
"I really don't wanna make you feel uncomfortable, so I won't take so long." Brian said almost in a whisper. "I just wanted to give you something." He said and you looked at him on the sly. He was grinning kindly, handing you a bag. Nevertheless, you didn't take it. "I just... I know we... I know we're distant now and I know... that now it seems that... we're not friends. However, it's Thanksgiving, so... I wanted to get you something to thank you for the time we shared, for making me happy and for being part of my life. It's not a big deal because... Well, because I couldn't, you know... I didn't have so much money to buy you something better... But... But you might like it and it could be useful..." He said very shyly, yet still with the kind smile.
He insisted with handing you the bag, but you, over again, didn't take it. You couldn't even look at him and your body began to shiver even more. It was really nice the fact that he got you something and that he, despite everything, thought about you and had the guts to find you just to wish you a happy thanksgiving day; but you just couldn't... You frowned and bit your lips, your hands clutching the doorknob.
"The kids of the orphanage also wanted to give you something for Thanksgiving, so here's also a book of drawings they made for you." Brian said warmly and you, finally, looked into his eyes. He grinned sweetly and you just remained serious. "Neal is still infatuated with you." He commented with a giggle, looking deeply into your eyes. You didn't even smile. "You'll see, you'll recognize his drawing. He still thinks he's gonna be your prince and he drew a lot of hearts in his drawing." He laughed softly and you looked down again. He extended his arms to hand you the bag, but you just couldn't take it. "Please, Sunny, take it." Brian whispered supplicant. You took the bag but you didn't speak and you didn't look at him. "Thanks." He whispered and the only you could do was to nod, avoiding his gaze. Again, the abysmal and awkward silence. He should leave now, but he was still there. "I got a job!" He suddenly exclaimed. You looked at him again and you saw his bright smile and eyes. "It's a job in the customer service area for the Ann Arbor District Library at downtown. So it's a cool job... you know, I like books and... well, I think this is a good job." He commented with a big grin, but you remained serious. You wanted to speak, you wanted to say something, at least to congratulate him, but you couldn't. "Also, they told me that after this midterm, they'll consider giving me a full scholarship due to my dedication. So, I think things are getting better." He said while shrugging, still grinning widely. You tried to, at least, force a smile, but you couldn't. He noticed your very serious face, so he looked down and his wide smile turned into a faint smile. "I also moved... Now I'm living at downtown, not so far from here." He commented and you looked down again and frowned, trying to understand why you couldn't speak. "It's an apartment..."
"Freckles, who is it?" You heard Darren's voice asking. You looked inside, and then looked down again.
"No one." You answered, talking for the first time since Brian arrived. You noticed how Brian looked down, frowned and pursed his lips in a distressed way. You didn't talk again. When he looked up, you noticed his sad green eyes.
"Well... I guess... I guess I shouldn't keep wasting your time..." He murmured and looked down again. He was expecting some kind of answer, but he didn't get it, so he looked up again and smiled sadly at you. "Happy Thanksgiving, Sunny." He said looking deeply into your eyes. You looked up but you didn't talk. You should tell him something, but instead, you remained silent and serious. "It was... It was really nice to see you." He said grinning faintly as you bit your lips. Again, he was waiting for you to utter at least a single word, but you didn't, so he looked down and nodded slowly, pursing his lips. "Bye, Sunny." He said and turned around.
You observed how his tall and athletic silhouette was walking away with his head pointing down and his hands on his pockets. Your body began to shiver again, you pouted and your lips began to quiver as your eyes filled with tears. You entered Darren's apartment and you closed the door. You noticed how everybody looked at your direction, but you didn't look at them. You ran to the bathroom and locked the door, sitting on the floor and resting your back against the wall, with the bag that Brian gave you. Once there, you began to shed silent tears.
"Freckles, is everything alright?" You heard Darren's voice asking.
"Yes. Yes, I just... I needed to use the bathroom." You lied, trying to control your choked voice.
"Alright." Darren answered and you heard how he walked to the living room again.
You bent your legs and wrapped your arms around your legs, resting your head on your knees to keep crying silently but dolefully. You were feeling terrible because you weren't even able to tell him 'thanks' or 'happy thanksgiving'; you just remained silent. Also, you couldn't believe you couldn't even smile at him when he told you he got a job and maybe would get a full scholarship; you knew this was super important to him, yet you didn't say anything and you looked at him really serious. And he just came to give you a present, despite the rude way you treated him in that awkward encounter in his birthday, despite you didn't even greet him in his birthday, despite you didn't even call him. You thought you'd be ready to see him again, to talk to him, to just apologize to him; but no... Right when you saw him you felt uncomfortable and nervous. Why? Why something like this was happening? Brian was always your best friend, you never felt uncomfortable around him, not even in those times when you shared very deep secrets and you were very close to each other. But now it seemed you couldn't even stay in the same room than him. But the saddest thing to see was how hard he was trying to get you to talk and how rueful he seemed when you said it was no one. More tears streamed down your face while you were biting your lower lip so strongly to not make any kind of sound. You wept for a while until you got to calm a little, then you grabbed the bag that Brian gave you. You first grabbed the book with drawings that Brian mentioned. In the first page, as a cover, was spelled 'Happy Thanksgiving, Sunny', it was Brian's handwriting. Around the title, they did handprints with acrylic paints of different colors; so there were a lot of tiny hands and only one adult hand. Then you opened the book. Each one of the kids drew something for you. You smiled in between tears when you saw those cute drawings; in most of them appeared circular images and lines which seemed to suggest a human or animal figure, they were more like heads without any body at all, so the arms and legs sprang straight out of the head; they also included houses, cars, bikes, flowers, trees and suns with no perspective or scale involved; all of them very colorful. You recognized Brian's handwriting in each one of the drawings that spelled the name of the kid who drew it, and it seemed that the kids tried to copy their own names, their handwriting was really adorable. You indeed recognized Neal's drawing even before reading his name; as Brian said, the drawing included a lot of pink and red hearts and he also tried to draw a castle, a princess and a prince, and Brian wrote your name next to the princess and Neal's name next to the prince. You wiped your tears away and you giggled softly when you saw this, it was just so cute. Then you came to the last page and you saw a drawing that did not look like a kid's drawing, but which wasn't good either. There was drawn a huge sun with a smiley face inside it; and the figure of a boy was drawn only with lines representing the arms and legs, with a big circle representing the face; that boy was smiling and trying to touch the sun. At the top left of the paper was written the name 'Brian'. He also drew something for you. Right below his name, there was a written text.
All plots of my life have something of yours.
When I say all plots, I mean that besides that sweet cataclysm, you're also rewriting my childhood, that age when you say adult and solemn things and the solemn adults celebrate them, and you instead know that isn't useful.
I mean that you're rearming my adolescence, that time when I was an old man full of misgivings, and you instead know how to extract from this moor my seeds of joy and water it by looking at it.
I mean that you're shaking my youth, that pitcher that nobody ever took in their hands, that shadow that nobody brought close to their shadow, and you instead know how to shake it until the dried leaves begin to fall, exposing the carcass of my truth without feats.
I mean that you're embracing my maturity, this mixture of stupor and experience, this strange confine of anguish and snow, this spark plug that lights the death, this precipice of poor life.
As you can see, this is more serious, much more serious, because with these and other words, I mean that you're not only the lovely girl you are, but you also are the splendid or cautious women I ever wanted or want.
Because thanks to you I figured out (you'd say that it was time and rightly) that love is a beautiful and generous bay which illuminates and darkens according comes life, a bay where the boats come and go, arrive with birds and omens, and leave with sirens and clouds. A beautiful and generous bay where the boats come and go. But you, please, do not go.
You read that text two or three times, feeling kinda bad. You knew it wasn't Brian's intention to make you feel bad, the poem was beautiful... Only if it was just dedicated to someone else. You bit your lips and looked at his drawing sadly, until you noticed he wrote something in parentheses at the bottom of the paper that made you giggle.
Please, don't laugh at my drawing! I know it sucks.
When you closed the book, you noticed there was a photo taken in the playroom of the orphanage. Brian was in the middle, sitting on the floor with a huge and bright smile, surrounded by all the kids who were also smiling brightly. They all had the tip of their noses painted with acrylic paints, even Brian had the tip of his nose painted. And they were sitting behind some Lego blocks that were assembled and constructed the words 'Happy Thanksgiving Sunny'. After you saw this you couldn't help pouting, feeling tears forming and pricking in the corner of your eyes, your throat tightened, your chest aching and your lips trembling. The tears began to run down your cheek slowly, thinking how wonderful and nice this was, thinking how horrible you were for not having seen those kids again even if you promised to return, and feeling how awful you were for having treated Brian as though he was a complete stranger that meant no one to you. You did not deserve this. You did not deserve the love of those little kids and you did not deserve the nice gestures from Brian to you. Although you were feeling bad for this, you were feeling thrilled because probably this was one of the sweetest gifts you've ever got. You pressed the book of drawings against your chest and you cried more tears, always in silence. Then you left the book inside the shopping bag and you saw the other gift. You took it and you noticed it was wrapped in wrapping paper and was held closed with ribbon and topped with a decorative bow, accompanied by a gift note which noted your name. You unwrapped it with care. The first thing you saw was a letter in an envelope and then a plywood case. You opened it up and you figured out it was a portable creativity kit with a set of watercolor paints, a brush, an artist's sponge, 5 graphite pencils of different grades, a graphite stick, a blending stump, a pencil sharpener, an eraser, a brush pen, a fineliner drawing pen, and pocket sketchbook. And there was something written in ink by Brian on the inside of the lid of the box.
"Now the artist within yourself can be creative anywhere and everywhere."
You remained looking at it, feeling very thrilled and contented. You always wanted a portable creativity kit, but you never bought it. You remembered that last year you and Brian went to a beautiful place. You and he were lying on the grass on your stomachs one sunny and warm afternoon, just watching the sunset and you told him you wished you had a portable kit to paint that breathtaking landscape and he mentioned he, someday, would buy it for you. And he told you that you would be able to be creative anywhere and everywhere, just what he wrote on the box. He remembered. He always loved seeing you drawing or painting, he always told you with a tender smile that you'd be an extraordinary talented artist and that you would become one of the best artists in world. This was one of the best gifts someone could give you, and he knew that; he knew you too much. And this... This was very expensive, you knew that; yet he bought it for you because he knew this would make you feel happy... He just spent his money on you. And you didn't even tell him thanks. You closed the box and put it aside, so your tears wouldn't hit the box. Your body was slightly trembling and you covered your mouth with your hand so you wouldn't wail loudly. Damn, these pains in your chest. But you did need to read that letter in the envelope. You took it and carefully you opened the envelope and grabbed the letter. It was handwritten on an embossed and textured paper. You wiped your tears away because you didn't want to ruin that precious paper with that magnificent and neat handwriting of Brian. You took a deep breath and you began to read the letter.
You were there when no one else was.
This is a 'thank you' from me to you. It's the best I can do so I'm going to try to express it.
Everyone else bailed. I expected them to, if I'm being honest. Times were getting tough. I wasn't going to be fun to be around for a while. People don't want to be around you when you're like this. It's a burden. And soon enough, the fair-weathered friends take their leave, as I knew they would. It's hard to stay when things look so bleak.
But you stayed. You were the only one who did. You held my hand and said you weren't going anywhere and you asked me how 'we' could confront this. We! You were part of my life in the good times and you felt we were a unit in the bad. I couldn't believe it. No one had ever seen the darkness approaching and instead of leaving, just opened an umbrella and got ready for the downpour.
You stayed. You stayed and you helped me. You were selfless and accommodating. You let me talk if I wanted to talk or not if I didn't. You let me cry. You made sure I ate. You let me call you at all hours and you always answered. You went above and beyond, or perhaps I only think it's above and beyond because I've never known caring like this.
I've always expected people to bail. They're busy. They have their own lives. They like being your friend when you're flush but as the song goes, 'Nobody knows you when you're down and out'. Once the fog clears and you need to be serious for a second, they jet. They don't want the realness, the dirt or the grime. They don't want to see you hurt or upset but not in a loving way, in a sort of ew-don't-look-at-that-person way. Maybe it makes them uncomfortable with themselves. Maybe they just don't do emotions. Either way, that doesn't serve the person who needs them. When you sign up to be a good friend, you sign up for everything.
And you did. You were there when no one else was. You were a light and a champion. You took the time to make sure I was okay. You took me out to dinner and drinks and you worked really hard to cheer me up. You were a friend, through thick and thin. Through ugly periods and times I thought it would never get better.
You shouldn't be the exception to the rule but frankly, you are. You're a true friend among a bunch of people who were nowhere to be found during all this. You deserve way more than this little letter, but I don't know that I'll ever be able to repay you except by returning the favor and I hope that you never suffer. So for now, this will have to do:
You were there when no one else was. No one else would have been. You stepped up and you surprised me, someone who thought they knew what people were like. Someone who was cynical about friendship. You proved me wrong. You showed me that someone will stay and that someone will care. There will never be a big enough 'thank you' for that.
Happy Thanksgiving, Sunny.
When you finished reading you broke into tears. This was very unfair. He wrote all of those wonderful words to you that actually weren't so true. You weren't there for him always, you didn't stay. When he needed you, when times were tough for him, you didn't stay, you didn't hold his hand, and instead of not going anywhere and confront his troubles with him, you went away. Instead of being selfless, you were selfish and you kept distance from him because you thought only about yourself when he confessed he was in love with you. You let him cry, but then you mocked him for crying, somehow, with the song you sang to him in The Blind Pig. You let him call you at all hours, but you never answered since you and he grew apart. You bailed; you did not stay, you were not there for him. You did not show him that you'll stay and that you'll care; even if you knew this was very valuable for him, even if you knew he needed to feel that. You just disappeared from his life. He shouldn't thank you... Thank you for what? You should be the one thanking him, for being always nice to you when you least deserved it. For always caring about you, for always thinking about you, for always wanting to see you happy and give you his best. You should have written that letter to him; but you have not. You have done nothing to him. You even forgot him. You forgot him and you treated him like a stranger, like he was 'no one' when Darren asked who it was. You were so unfair with him. You should have given him a second chance to let him prove you that he only wanted to be your friend, even if his feelings for you were deeper. You should have been more understanding with him; you should have understood why he fell in love with you and how hard he was trying to remain just as a friend. You should have understood how hard this all was for him, keeping his real feelings for you inside only for fear of losing a friend like you, listening to you talking about other guys when he wanted to have a little chance like those other guys, advising you when your feelings for a guy were confusing, comforting and supporting you when a guy broke your heart, even encouraging you to not be afraid of falling for Darren again. All of that surely broke his heart. Yet he stayed, unlike you. You just should have helped him to stop feeling all of that for you as he wanted instead of pushing him away, as if your friendship never mattered, as if your friendship was never real. You told him your friendship was never real... How could you? He was the one who was always there through thick and thin. You shook your head and wiped your tears away. You left all the gifts on the floor of the bathroom, you stood up and you finally left the bathroom. Your body was trembling, your heart was beating fast and you were desperate. Darren, Joey and Jen looked at you when you entered the living room, yet you didn't look back. You ran to the front door, opened it and left the apartment without saying anything at all.
"Hey, Freckles! What's going on?" You heard Darren yelling from the front door, but you did not stop.
You ran outside and you almost slipped on the steps, but you managed to maintain your balance and keep running with difficulties because of the snow. It was really cold and you didn't have any kind of coat or shoes, you were actually still in your pajamas, but that didn't matter; it didn't matter that people were looking at you as if you were insane for being running in downtown in your pajamas without even wearing shoes, it didn't matter that your feet were now wet and cold and that you were freezing; you needed to find Brian. He couldn't have gone so far... Or yes, you spent too much time locked in the bathroom; but that didn't stop you, you'd find him one way or another. You were looking all around to see if by chance you could see his tall body. You were running at full speed. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight blocks and... You saw him. He was three blocks away. You ran faster, even if it seemed impossible. You yelled his name but he didn't hear because you were still too far. When you were just few miles away from him, you shouted again.
"Brian!" You yelled your lungs out.
This time Brian heard it because he slowly turned around. You didn't give him time to answer or to do something because you ran to him and pounced on him, throwing your arms around his neck and wrapping your legs around his waist. You buried your head on his shoulder as he placed one hand on your back to hold you and one hand on the back of your head to run his fingers through your hair, resting his head on yours. You couldn't help shedding tears for feeling his warm embrace once again, after weeks of being away from your very best friend. You wanted to tell him so many things, yet words wouldn't come out your mouth. So you just sobbed on his shoulder as he kept stroking your hair in that smooth way. You didn't know how much you stayed like this, you sobbing, he stroking your hair and both of you very silent; but you did not want to separate from him, you did not want to stop feeling his embrace. You felt his heart beating fast against yours, yet he kept holding you firmly, now grazing his nose across the top of your head. Then you felt his gentle buss on your temple and this was the time when you looked into his pretty green eyes, still up in his arms.
"Happy thanksgiving." It was the only thing you could say with teary eyes. Brian's eyes twinkled and he giggled softly, looking deeply into your eyes. Then you buried your head on his shoulder again. "I'm so sorry, Brian. I was an idiot." You apologized with cracked voice.
"You were not." You heard Brian whispering while fondling your hair. "You were just hurt because of my fault." He said and you shook your head and looked at him again.
"No, Brian, stop blaming yourself. It was my fault that I couldn't understand you and stay with you when you needed me and when I needed you." You said while shedding tears. "I just want you to know that I was wrong when I said our friendship was not real. It was the realest thing I've ever had and I hope it keeps being like that, despite everything." You muttered with choked voice, shedding even more tears.
Brian moved the hand that was on your head to wipe your tears away, then he placed both of his hands on your waist to keep holding you and he smiled warmly. It was good thing he was strong enough to hold you up in his arms for this long time.
"I really hope I can be your friend again." He said with the same grin and shiny eyes.
"You never stopped being my friend, even if we were distant. You'd never stop being my best friend." You said smiling kindly at him.
He smiled back and nodded slowly, looking profoundly into your eyes. Then he looked down, closed his eyes, bit his lower lip and frowned, breathing slowly and heavily. Why was that? You noticed how he gulped and then opened his eyes to look at you again, with bright eyes and a warm smile. He seemed to be very moved but he was not shedding tears. Oh. Maybe that was why he reacted in that weird way. He did not want to cry and he was trying to hold back his tears, because you sang that song to him in his birthday that he was acting like a girl. Oh no, dammit. You felt really bad for that.
"I..." He babbled with choked voice, so he looked down again, frowned and cleared his throat. Then he looked up again. "I missed you." He murmured with his normal voice.
"I missed you, too!" You exclaimed, burying your head on his shoulder again as he rested his cheek on your head.
He held you in his arms for a little more, then he kissed your temple and put you on the ground again; yet still placing his hands on your waist and you placing your hands on his shoulders. When your feet touched the cold snow, you shivered, bending toes. Brian, who was looking into your eyes, looked down to see why you shivered and then he frowned.
"Sunny, you're not wearing shoes, are you insane?" He asked.
"Yeah, I know... I just... I wanted to find you and well... I didn't even notice I wasn't wearing shoes and I was in my... pajamas." You answered awkwardly, looking down and feeling your feet, and now also body, really cold.
"Jeez! You must be freezing!" Brian exclaimed. "Let me... Here..." Brian said taking off his jacket and putting it on you. You smiled warmly when he did this. He also took off his scarf and wrapped it around your neck. "And... Umm... Take this too..." He said while crouching and untying the shoelaces. You looked at him and frowned.
"What are you doing, Brian?" You asked. He looked up and then looked down again.
"Giving you my shoes... They'll be big for you, but at least you won't be cold." Brian responded and you placed a hand on his arm to stop him.
"Brian, no!" You said firmly and he looked up again, raising his eyebrows. "Stand up! Don't do that, I'm fine." You said and he did so.
"But you..." He started saying.
"Yeah, I know... Just... Could you... Could you please lift me up in your arms again?" You asked shyly, looking at him.
"Sure." Brian answered right away.
You threw your arms around his neck again as he leaned in, wrapped one arm around your back and placed his other arm on the back of your knees, then he lifted you up in his arms. He looked at you again and you smiled gently at him, grateful.
"Do you want me to walk you to Darren's apartment so you can warm up?" He asked and you shook your head.
"No, I want to talk to you." You answered.
"But you're gonna catch a cold, Sunny. You need to change your socks and wear shoes and..."
"Brian, please." You interrupted him.
"Well, we can talk later. We can meet later, somewhere. You have to return to Darren's apartment and..."
"I want to talk now, Brian." You said firmly, interrupting him again.
"Well, but..."
"Brian." You interrupted him and he finally stopped talking. "Can we go to the place you moved to talk? Now?" You asked pleadingly.
"Umm... Uh, I'm not sure..." He answered uncomfortable, looking away.
"Please, I wanna talk to you now and I want to do it in a quiet place, only the two of us... Also in a place where I can warm up." You said and he sighed.
"Okay." He agreed. "But first we're gonna find a bench, so you can wear my socks because yours are wet and you'll catch a cold." He said and you nodded with a kind smile.
As he said, you found a bench, he took off his shoes and gave you his socks. You took off your wet socks and put on Brian's socks that were extremely big for you, but it felt nice. Brian put on his shoes and he lifted you up in his arms again. Like this, he began to walk and some people around looked at you in a weird way, as if you and he were crazy, but you didn't care. Gosh, he was really strong to hold you in his arms for so long. He walked like seven blocks until he headed to a very dilapidated house. Why was he heading to that place? Still with you in his arms, he fumbled in his pocket for something and he pulled out the keys. Oh no, seriously, Brian lived in this place? He placed the keys in the lock and opened the door. The door creaked when he opened it, because the wood was rickety. He stepped inside and he finally left you on the floor. The place was very dark even if it was daylight; you couldn't see what was inside the place until Brian fumbled in the wall for the light switch and turned the lights on. Then you looked all around and when you saw the place where he was living, you felt afflicted. This was a horrible place, a very lugubrious and shabby place. It was tiny, it had brick walls with falling off plaster and it seemed it combined all rooms in only one room. When you looked at your left, you saw two small windows and one of them was covered with some books.
"Well, umm... Please... sit." Brian said uncomfortable, moving to you the only worn wooden chair he had. You looked at him and you nodded, while smiling faintly and sitting, carefully, on that chair. "Well, welcome to my apartment." He said smiling. "It's a multifunctional apartment." He said, grinning even more widely. You just pursed your lips and looked down. "Really, look at this..." Brian said walking to where the stove was and he turned on the stoves and the oven. "The stove functions as stove and also as a heater! Now in a few minutes the room will be warm and you'll feel better." He exclaimed with the same wide grin and you frowned and felt even worse. "Then, take a look of this!" He exclaimed cheerfully and walked to where the table was and he opened a sort of a wall mounted drawer, showing up a mattress. He placed the mattress on the table and looked at you with a big smile. "The table serves as a bed too!" He exclaimed and you tried to smile. "I find it particularly interesting. I mean, using the table as a bed saves a lot of space and I have the benefit that no one will spy on my bedroom and see the mess that a bedroom always is." He giggled softly and then he put the mattress in its place again. "Besides, I have the benefit that I don't have to clean a big place, that's exhausting, so this is great." He added and you just nodded silently, looking down. Both of you remained silent for a while and when you looked up, you found Brian looking down in a sad way, scratching the nape of his neck.
"I think it's great to have a multifunctional apartment." You said to try to cheer him up. It worked, because he looked up and grinned.
"It really is!" He exclaimed joyfully again and you forced a smile. Dammit, why the hell was he living in this horrendous place? "So... I'll give you a dry hoodie and also some shoes, even if they're big for you... Just wait a minute." He said and you nodded.
He walked to one corner where there were boxes stacked. He took one of them, opened it and took one of his U-M hoodies, a pair of slippers, and he also took a blanket. He had his clothes on boxes? He didn't even have a wardrobe. You took off the jacket he lent you and when Brian walked to you, you put on his hoodie and the slippers as he wrapped the blanket around you. He smiled kindly at you and you smiled back.
"Thank you, Brian." You whispered and he nodded.
"Well... It's noon... Do you want me to cook something? Maybe we can talk while having lunch... What do you say?" He asked merrily.
"That would be great." You answered with a bright grin.
He nodded and walked to the kitchenette. He opened the cupboard and looked inside. You also looked inside and you noticed he had almost nothing. You'd invite him for lunch or you'd order something to eat, but you didn't bring your wallet and you were aware that Brian didn't have the money for that.
"Umm... Do you like rice?" He asked, still giving you his back and looking at the cupboard.
"I love it." You answered right away. He turned his face and smiled brightly. Why? Why was he smiling so brightly?
"I'm gonna make sure to cook the best rice you've ever eaten." He said, taking out the cupboard a rice packet.
"Everything you cook is delicious, so I'm sure it'll be the best rice I've ever eaten. And I'm pretty sure it'll be better than my mom's rice recipe. I mean, everything is better than my mom's meals." You commented with a chuckle, to try to joke a little.
"Oh, yeah! I forgot about that little detail." Brian laughed.
Then Brian began to cook as you got distracted looking all around. He didn't have enough furniture, the apartment didn't have good lighting, and he didn't even have space to study, you thought. He just couldn't live here, even his house in San Francisco was better than this place and that was too much to say. Although the apartment was dilapidated, he managed to keep it clean and tidy. After a while, you noticed he placed on the table the dishes, cutlery and glasses and he looked at you with a cheery grin in silence, then he returned to the kitchenette. Again you thought it was impressive the way he could keep smiling for real despite everything. You stood up and walked to where he was cooking, standing right next to him.
"That looks delicious indeed." You commented with a warm smile. "Do you need any help?"
"Oh, no! Go and sit, this is almost done." Brian answered gently. "Put on some music if you want... There's a radio on my original coffee table." He said giggling.
"Okay, I will do it." You replied.
You turned around and you saw books stacked on top of each other, that was for sure the 'original coffee table' because there was the small radio he mentioned. You walked to there and turned on the radio. Then you sat on the chair again and you wondered where he'd sit because that was the only chair he had. After a while, he came to the table and placed a bowl with simple rice with beans and a bottle of water. Then he took a pillow, placed it on the floor and sat on there.
"You know? Japanese traditionally eat sitting on cushion placed on tatami floor; these tatami mats are woven straw mats closely associated with Japanese culture, where they have been an enduring feature for centuries. In Asian culture, floor is like part of extended bed. It is an ancient tradition; they believe that sitting at low tables aids digestion." Brian commented while serving the food on the dishes.
"In that case, I wanna eat on the floor as well!" You exclaimed and Brian looked up and laughed.
"Well, this is your lucky day because I have a cushion." He responded while looking for a cushion for you. He handed it and then you took it and placed it on the floor.
"I saw in movies that they kneel to eat." You commented while kneeling on the cushion.
"That's for formal situations and I do believe this is a casual situation... So men sit cross-legged and women sit with both legs to one side." He corrected and you nodded.
"Oh, okay... Let's see... Like this?" You asked once you sat with both legs to one side. Brian chuckled and nodded.
"That's perfect." He answered and you grinned widely. "Itadakimasu." Brian said and you frowned. What the hell has he said? When Brian noticed your face, he laughed. "It's what you have to say before starting a meal. It means I gratefully receive." He explained and you nodded.
"Well... Itakidasuma." You tried to copy him and he laughed loudly. "What? I pronounced it wrong?"
"Yeah, it's itadakimasu." He repeated slowly.
"Itadakimasu." You said very slowly and he nodded. "Okay, can I start eating now?" You asked and he chuckled.
"Yes, you can." He answered amused.
Then Brian and you began to eat silently. You complimented his meal and he thanked you. Even if it was simple rice with beans, it was the only thing he had for cooking and he managed to make it tasty. You weren't talking about anything important yet; just about random things, and you thought it was as though those old times with him returned; he did not make you feel uncomfortable and you were really enjoying being with him again. When you were eating, you received a text message.
From Darren: Freckles, where are you? You left the apartment running, without saying anything at all! What happened? Seriously, we're worried.
To Darren: I'm sorry, Dare. The person who was at the door earlier was Brian and I left the apartment because I wanted to find him to talk. I'm at his apartment right now, so don't worry. And I'm really sorry I didn't say anything.
From Darren: Oh, it's alright Freckles. I hope you can talk and I really hope you can forgive him. Take all the time you need, and invite him to hang out with us this afternoon; that would be cool.
To Darren: Okay, I'll do it. Thanks, Dare. See you later!
Brian noticed you were texting with someone, yet he didn't mention anything; he didn't even ask who it was. Maybe he was feeling weird around you, as though he had no rights to ask you something. Hopefully your friendship wouldn't be screwed up to that point because you would know it was your entire fault. When you finished eating, Brian stood up with the dishes and took them to the sink. You insisted to do the dishes but he refused, saying that you were a guest and his dad taught him that guests do not do the dishes. After lunch he offered you a cup of tea and you accepted. So now you were there, still sitting on the floor, now drinking a cup of tea, very silent. You wanted to apologize for all your mistakes, but you didn't know how to start the conversation. Why was it so hard to apologize?
"So, how have you been these weeks, Sunny?" Brian asked politely.
"Good!" You answered with a grin, but then you looked down and your smile vanished. When you looked up you found Brian frowning slightly. "To be honest, no... They weren't good weeks. They were more like crappy weeks, except from this last one, only because Jen is here." You answered with a sigh.
"Is Jen here? That's good for you! You always said you missed her, so you should be exploiting your time with her, instead with me." He exclaimed, chuckling softly.
"Yes, it is something great, that's why I was at Darren's apartment." You answered with a faint smile. "But no, I want to be with you here. I... Damn, this is hard." You whispered frustrated. Brian just remained looking at you fixedly, still frowning slightly. "I want to apologize to you."
"You already did, Sunny." He replied with a gentle grin.
"Yes, I know... But... It was a lame apologize. I want to really apologize for every single thing I did wrong." You said, biting your lips and feeling nervous.
"You really don't have..."
"I want to do this, because I want to admit my mistakes and I want you to really forgive me. Just... Just let me talk." You said and Brian nodded. You looked down, sighed and looked into his eyes again. "I hurt you." You stated and Brian opened his mouth but you made a grimace to ask him to let you talk, so he nodded and stayed silent. "I hurt my best friend, the one person who was always there for me unconditionally. I hurt the one person I should never have hurt, the person who made me see that life was beautiful and that life is always worth living, even when everything seems as though can't get better. You literally saved my life, yet I hurt you. You deserved the best of me, yet you got the worst of me. And there are no enough words to express how sorry I am for this." You said with cracked voice, placing both hands on your heart, looking deeply into his eyes.
"Sunny…" Brian murmured with sad eyes.
"No, wait, Brian. I have a lot of things to say, please." You said softly and Brian nodded, looked down and bit his lips. You took a deep breath before talking again. "You always gave me countless chances to make up for my mistakes, you always forgave me when I was wrong, even in those times I didn't deserve your forgiveness. And when you made a mistake, instead of forgiving you as you always did with me, I walked away and told you I didn't want to see you again." You said frowning, feeling very ashamed for your poor behavior. Brian was still looking at the ground, frowning slightly and pursing his lips. "You always tried to understand me, to support me, to comfort me. You always thought about me before yourself. Instead, I couldn't understand you. I couldn't understand why you fell for me and I couldn't understand how hard this was for you. I didn't support you and I didn't comfort you when you needed it. You needed me, you needed a hug... and I didn't give it to you. I thought about myself before you. In my feelings, my confusion and my pain; ignoring that you had the worst part, you were feeling worse than I was." You admitted sorrowful as your eyes began to fill with tears. You tried to hold the tears back, but a tear, inevitably, ran down your cheek and ended in the corner of your mouth. "You always trusted me, it was very hard for you to do, but you did it anyway. You told me things you've never told anyone else because you trusted me. Instead, I didn't trust you. I slandered you saying that you were W, a hideous person, when you are the less hideous person I know. I slandered you, I lied to you, and I treated you like crap when you were worried about me and you were just trying to protect me."
When you said this, you made a dramatic pause. You looked down, closed your eyes and bit your lips strongly, feeling completely ashamed for having thought that about Brian, the most warm-hearted person you knew. By this time tears were falling down your face uncontrollably, yet you had to keep talking. You had to admit your mistakes with your head held high if you wanted him to forgive you. You didn't want him to forgive you as he always forgave you; you wanted to win his forgiveness, you wanted to feel worthy of his forgiveness, and for that you had to forget about the humiliation of admitting you were not a good person but you were willing to change. So you opened your eyes, looked up, and started talking again, not minding the tears.
"You were always trying to make me smile with all of the nice things you've ever told me. Instead, I made you cry with all the horrible things I said when you confessed you're in love with me. You wrote me so many beautiful texts; and I dedicated some rude and awful songs to you." You said this time feeling upset with yourself, reminding the day of his birthday and the songs you sang in public. Brian was still looking down and he wouldn't stop swallowing. "When I needed to talk to someone, you always listened to me, you always answered my calls, you always cared. But when it was you the one who needed to talk to someone, I didn't listen to you, I didn't answer your calls, I didn't text you back... I didn't care." You said and your voice was choked. You noticed how Brian shook his head and was about to deny it, but you looked at him pleadingly and he did not say anything at all. "When I needed someone, you were there for me, you stayed with me and you helped me. When you needed someone, you begged me to stay, yet I walked away. I walked away and I abandoned you when I promised you I'd never do that. And instead helping you, I caused you too much pain." You stated with teary voice.
This time you were sobbing and covering your face with your hands. You couldn't believe you abandoned him, after all the things he did for you, and after knowing that his mother and practically all people in his life abandoned him. Suddenly you noticed that Brian moved next to you and he wrapped an arm around you. You rested your head on his shoulder, yet still covering your face and sobbing. You bit your lower lip and tried to calm down. You had to admit more things. Thus you uncovered your face and wiped the tears away. Still resting your head on his shoulder, you looked up to see his green eyes. And your eyes did meet his green and sad eyes.
"Regardless the way you love me, you always gave me everything for the sole purpose of seeing me happy; I just pushed you away. And the worst part is that I told you that our friendship was never real and I made you feel worthless when you're the most magnificent and worthwhile person I know; when our friendship is the realest friendship I've ever had, one of the best things that ever happened to me. I made you feel like you are nothing when in fact you are everything." You said with cracked voice, looking deeply into his green eyes which were full of tears. It seemed he was holding his breath not to cry, it was evident the hard effort he was making not to shed any single tear. Then you looked down and pouted. "And we made a pinky promise that we would always be best friends and we would never break this special bond we have; and I totally broke that pinky promise, and that's terrible." You commented while frowning, still looking down.
When you finished saying this, you heard Brian chuckling softly, so you looked at him again. He was shaking his head, with a faint smile and eyes filled with tears; yet he was not looking at you. When he sensed your gaze, he looked at you, smiled softly and pulled you closer to him. You wrapped an arm around his waist and rested your head on his shoulder. You just remained silent for a while, shedding tears in silence. Then, for the first time in weeks, you placed your head on his lap, looking up into his eyes as he began to stroke your hair, looking down into your eyes. He was being really sweet, even if you were saying all the terrible things you have done to him; so this thought made you cry even more.
"And in spite of all the shit I did to you, you came to me and you wrote me that precious and soulful letter that I did not deserve, by no means. You were still seeing me as though I was a good person when I'm clearly anything but." You said with teary voice, shedding more tears and biting your lips again. Brian looked at you sadly and his fingers brushed your cheek in a smooth way. You wiped your tears away and then you took the hand with which he was caressing your cheek. "And you, Brian... You're overflowing with kindness and affection that you always give to people and it hurts me deeply that you couldn't receive it from me as you deserve. Walking away from you and hurting you was the biggest mistake I've ever made. For all of that, I am so sorry." You cried.
You rolled on your side to bury your head on his stomach and wrap your arms around his hip. Brian leaned over and enfolded his arms around you, resting his head on yours. He rubbed your back for you to calm down and stop weeping. When you were shedding your last tears, breathing heavily, inhaling and exhaling to calm down; Brian tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, so you looked up and you saw him smiling at you.
"I forgive you, Sunny." Brian whispered while twiddling a strand of your hair. You swallowed and tears formed in the corner of your eyes again. "I want you to know that you're not a bad person. How can you think that?" He asked frowning.
"But... The things I've done..." You mumbled with choked voice, looking away. Brian placed a thumb on your chin to make you look at him.
"The things you've done don't make you a bad person; they just make you an imperfect human being, as all of us are. You said something very true, though: I was still seeing you as if you were a good person, because you really are. Just because you erred or made some mistakes, doesn't mean that you're a bad person or that you don't deserve anything." Brian stated softly, looking straight in your eye. "You took the courage to come to me and talk open-heartedly, you were brave enough to admit and face your mistakes for the sole purpose of feeling worthy of my forgiveness; and it's really hard to swallow our pride and admit mistakes." He pointed out and you shifted your gaze. "And that, Sunny, is something that only extraordinary good people do; because being a good person is not about the amount of mistakes we don't make, it's about admitting that we do make mistakes and apologizing for them, it's about learning from our mistakes. And that's exactly what you've done, Sunny." He said kindly and you looked at him again, feeling moved. "Also, I want you to know that the letter I wrote to you is sincere and I just wrote down true facts about you. So you did deserve that letter, because that's what I really think about you and not about someone else." He added and you shook your head and looked away.
"No... Brian, I just admitted that I wasn't there for you always, that I didn't stay, I didn't answer your calls, I didn't help you, I wasn't selfless, I didn't show you that I cared. I wasn't a friend through thick and thin." You whispered sadly. When you looked up, you found Brian looking at you frowning.
"There you are wrong. While it's true that these last weeks we were distant and we weren't for each other, you were always there for me when no one else was. These last weeks don't define what we had before growing apart. I don't know if you understand how important you are to me, I don't know if I've ever made you see that. In case I haven't, I will tell you..." He stated, looked away for a while and then sighed and looked at you again. "I want you to forget, for a moment, that I'm in love with you, because I'm gonna speak as a friend now, as what you mean to me as my friend." He requested and you nodded. "You were my first real friend, then you became my only best friend. Before you, I didn't have friends. Yes, I used to hang out with some people, not many, just few, when I became the quarterback on the football team in my Junior year. In place of being true friends, they just spent time with me because they thought they'd be popular for hanging out with the quarterback, due to the fact that the quarterback must be popular." Brian commented, looking away and frowning, as though he was disgruntled. Then he sighed and looked at you again. "Despite the fact that I was a quarterback, I wasn't popular. They wanted to have fun, but when I tried to tell them some of the things that were happening to me, they just ignored me in such a way that they really never cared. So, in view of the fact that I was not popular, they just... walked away. From the time that they walked away, I was alone, like in elementary school, like in my Freshman and Sophomore year." He murmured with his blankly stare.
He paused for a while and you noticed a faint grin on his face before his gaze fixed on yours and his green eyes twinkled. Why was he grinning? What he was saying wasn't something he could smile about.
"Moreover, you were there. You didn't know you were there, but you were there for me." He grinned and you frowned in confusion. What he just said just made no sense. "I told you I met you in my Sophomore year, when you were just a Freshman. I also told you I met you when you asked me something in English class. We shared that class; we shared English 100, English 200, English 300 and also English 103H, English 203H and English 303H. We also shared Spanish I, Spanish II and Spanish III, I was there because of you because; to be honest, I always sucked at Spanish. I'm pretty sure I was the worst at that class." He tried to joke and you giggled softly. "Well, that's not the point. Thing is I was like a creep... Yeah, that's the word, I was a total creep." He said laughing and you giggled softly, but frowning slightly. "From the moment that you asked me if the seat was empty, that was your question, I began to observe you. You were not like others, that's what I noticed after observing you for days, even months. You were alone, you seemed to be kind and generous, you didn't dress up in a provocative way like other girls, you were simple and it seemed you didn't care about material things, you were smart and you didn't mind that people called you nerd behind your back. I thought I was the only one in high school who felt as though I didn't belong to there, like I couldn't fit; but then I saw you and I thought that maybe you and I weren't so different, that maybe you were like me. Thenceforth, I felt as though you were with me, as though you were accompanying me in that hell namely high school. You didn't even know, but you were there for me; therefore school didn't suck too much inasmuch as you were there. That was the first time I felt you were there for me when no one else was. And it felt good." Brian said with a sweet smile, looking deeply into your eyes.
You grinned faintly and you felt thrilled. You never knew that. You never knew that you meant that to someone you didn't even know by that time. By that time, you never thought that someone was really thinking something good about you; you just thought that no one in high school could stand you. But Brian was there and you never noticed him. How come you never noticed him? How come he never talked to you? Things would have been different; you wouldn't have felt so bad in high school with him next to you.
"I knew that most likely it'd have felt much better if I had dared to talk to you. Maybe we would have been two instead of alone. But I've always been a coward of this nature. I always admired your whole person, always secretly. I never talked to you because I didn't want you to be like the others, who always walked away when they got to meet me. It was safer to look at you in the distance than to approach you and ask your name. I knew your name, though, but... Well, you know what I mean." Brian said a bit uncomfortable, scratching the nape of his neck. "You were there, with all your splendor and magnificence; and I was there, with all my shyness and insecurities. Why would you want to know who I was? Why would you want to know that a weirdo like me was thinking about you and dying to get a 'hi' from you? That would be creepy. I was aware I was not worthy of good things, so I was aware I was not worthy of you. But you were still there." He stated and then he paused. He was not looking at you, he was thoughtful and he was grinning as you were looking deeply into his eyes. "As I mentioned, I was a creep, I was a stalker because I was all the time observing you and listening to you. I think you never noticed me when I was behind you, just observing you, or when I was sitting at the back of the classroom, eager to listen to the texts you wrote for English class. I always loved your way to write and I felt we shared that passion of reading and writing. One more thing to add to my list of the things I admired of you. You don't know it, but that helped me. It helped me not to be afraid of writing, and you already know what writing means to me. There... You were there for me, helping me even when you were unaware of it. That was the first time you helped me." He smiled and looked at you in a tender way. Of course you smiled back at him. "The time came when you finally noticed my existence and it was none of what I dreamed it'd be like. I remember it perfectly, August 2004, first day of school, first class, Spanish III. I yelled 'nerd' when you were answering a question... You walked towards me in a rage and you asked: 'What did you say, you idiot?' and then you punched my face. Ever since, you noticed me, but always as the damn bully. You hated me and I couldn't blame you, because I was a disgrace and I loathed myself." He said frowning, in disgust, looking away. You took one of his hands and when he looked down at you, you smiled softly.
"I know that you were forced to do that. And I'm sorry for the way I always saw you in high school." You said and he grinned faintly and nodded.
"I know... You shouldn't apologize, though. You didn't know who I really was by that time; you only knew what they forced me to pretend I was." He answered and you nodded. "Well, those were hard times for me. And even though you hated me, I still loved you secretly because you never changed. I still admired everything of you and I still loved hearing your voice reading in English class. You were still helping me, you were still there; even if things weren't as I wanted. Then I found out you were dating Darren. I'd lie if I say I didn't want to be Darren; nonetheless that helped me too, oddly enough. It helped me to realize that it was possible for someone who was misunderstood and lonely, like you and like me, to love and be loved. Seeing you happy with someone gave me hopes. I thought that maybe, someday, someone would love me back and would see who I really was. Again, you were there helping me." He said in a whisper, now his eyes teary but not shedding tears.
You were looking fixedly into his green eyes and you couldn't control the tears which were now streaming down your cheek. The things he was saying were just too deep and too touching. You couldn't believe you did so much for him, unaware of it, when you hated him. And it broke your heart when you heard him saying that someday someone would love him back, because you knew he hasn't been in a relationship since his Junior year, so that meant he never got to feel that someone loved him back. And you knew that the person he loved was you and you couldn't love him the way he loved you. When Brian saw your tears, he wiped them away and he smiled warmly.
"Months later the day you noticed me, you lost your memory on account of the way they forced me to punch you. I... I just... That was the worst thing I could have ever done." He stammered while looking away in a distressed way. You caressed his hand with your thumb and he nodded and took a deep breath. "If there's a positive aspect out of that, it's the fact they let me act like your friend, and I always wanted to be your friend. You thought I was your friend, you were spending time with me, you were talking to me, you laughed at my silly jokes; and I was overflowing with joy. It was like in my dreams, too good to be true. You listened to me; you were the first person who ever listened to me. Not only you listened to me, but also you comforted me. You held my hand, looked at me as though you really wanted to know what was happening to me and you told me I could count on you. I told you a little thing about my dad and his Parkinson's disease and about my mother and how she abandoned me when I was eight; and instead of walking away, you comforted me and you stayed... You showed me that you cared. No one ever cared about me, but you did. And that... That helped me immensely." He said and his voice cracked, yet he did not cry. You looked at him and you couldn't help shedding tears. "After that, you recovered your memory, you remembered the way I always treated you. And you, instead of punching me, instead of hating me even more; you believed in me, you trusted me and you told me that you knew what kind of person I really was. You forgave me. And no one ever could see who I really was, except you. You were the only one who could see the good on me and you made me feel a little bit worthy of good things. You were still helping me." He said with a warm smile and eyes full of tears that never escaped. "Then you let me be your friend and later on, your best friend. I couldn't believe that someone really wanted to be my friend. You let me talk to you, you let me comfort you, you let me spend time with you, you let me watch movies with you, you let me help you... You even invited me to your place, and nobody ever invited me somewhere. You hugged me and nobody, apart from my dad, hugged me. You supported me, you held me, you listened to me, you comforted me, you made me feel that I wasn't worthless. I was feeling weird, but it was a good feeling... I was feeling, for the first time for real, happy. You were the one person who showed me what being happy is and you were the first one who showed me that someone really cared about me. For the first time, I was feeling loved." He said with choked voice.
He was smiling very affectionately as his lips were quivering. A tear escaped from the corner of his eye and he quickly wiped it away. Meanwhile, you were sobbing uncontrollably. Not only this was a thrilling confession that you never heard before, but also you were starting to understand the possible reasons of why Brian fell in love with you; even if he told you he would speak as a friend. You were crying so much that you buried your head on his stomach again to try, somehow, to stop crying. Brian, in the meantime, was rubbing your back and stroking your hair.
"All in all, I wanna apologize for the long explanation..." He joked with a short giggle and you chuckled on his stomach, now wrapping your arms around his hip. "No, really, all in all, the letter I wrote you tells nothing but the truth. Even when you were unaware of it, you were there for me when no one else was. Accordingly you do deserve that letter and you do deserve much more. And you are very important to me because thanks to you I can now smile for real... I can now believe that not everybody will walk away, because there are special people like you, especially like you, that are here to stay to be friends through thick and thin. And that's something I'll be eternally thankful for. On the whole... Happy Thanksgiving, Sunny." He said and you chuckled in between the tears.
You wiped your tears away with the hem of the sleeve of Brian's hoodie and then you looked at him. He was looking at you with a wide and perhaps amused smirk. You smiled at him and you automatically kneeled and threw your arms around his neck. It was such the sudden movement you made that you almost made him fall on his back; but he maintained balance and enfolded his firm arms around your waist.
"Happy thanksgiving, Brian... I loved your presents and I'm sorry I didn't get you a present." You whispered and he laughed.
"Please, having lunch with me and talking to me was the best present you could have ever given me." He responded and you sobbed. No, he couldn't answer something like that. Then he made you look at him. "Now that we're having this kind of open-hearted conversation... I'd like to apologize to you." He stated and you frowned. "I'll try not to make you feel uncomfortable..." He whispered while looking away. He bit his lips and then he sighed. "I want to apologize because I was an ass. I've been in love with you for four years and I never said a damn thing; I haven't been honest with you when you were. I proclaimed to be a good best friend when in fact I was hiding you a very important thing. While it's true I didn't choose to fall in love with you, I chose not to tell you. I should have come to you long ago, but I never did; and you ended up finding out my real feelings for you in a very unfair way for you. And I hurt you when that's something I swore I'd never do. So I'm so sorry. Not because I'm in love with you, because although we will never be together and I accepted this fact since the beginning, I like this I feel for you and I'm terribly happy with it. I'm so sorry because I didn't tell you so in all the chances I had to do it and I hurt you for that. And you did not deserve to suffer because of me and my stupid decisions." Brian said almost in a whisper, looking down in a sad way.
Well, yes, maybe it made you feel a bit uncomfortable when he reminded you that he has been in love with you for four years; but mainly it made you feel anguished now that you knew the reasons why he loved you and now that you could understand how hard it was for him to tell you this. Thereupon, you held both of his hands and when he looked at you, you grinned kindly.
"You don't have to apologize, Brian, for I understand that admitting you're in love with your best friend is one of the hardest things to do. Although it's true you hurt me, it hurt because by that time I couldn't understand you and I refused to believe that I had to say I didn't love you the way you loved me, because the last thing I wanted for you was you to be rejected by the person you loved. I hated to be that person due to the fact that you deserve to be loved back because you're an outstanding person." You said gently, running your thumbs on his hands. Brian's eyes twinkled and filled with tears as they were looking yours. "Now I don't know what will happen to us because we don't feel the same; but I'm willing to stand by you and figure out the way to keep being best friends, together. And I'm willing to stay and never leave, because I learned from my mistake... And thing is... I could not possibly live without you." You stated sweetly and Brian swallowed as his lips were quivering. "And Brian, please, you're allowed to cry and that won't make you look like a girl; that would make you look like you really care and like you're in touch with your feelings."
This was all you had to say for him to break into tears as he wanted but was holding back. When he started crying, you placed a hand on the back of his head and you softly pulled his head to your chest. Brian curled up and enfolded his arms around you as you began to run your fingers through his soft hair and rub one of his arms in a smooth way. For how long has he been holding back his tears? Instead of saying something, you decided to sign something to him; considering the situation and that it was thanksgiving. You had the perfect song, so you began singing in a whisper.
You know my soul
You know everything about me there's to know
You know my heart
How to make me stop and how to make me go
You should know
I love everything about you, don't you know?
That I'm thankful
For the blessing
And the lessons that I've learned with you
By my side
That I'm thankful
For the love that you keep bringing in my life
In my life
Thankful, so thankful
You know my thoughts
Before I open up my mouth and try to speak
You know my dreams
Must be listening when I'm talking in my sleep
I hope you know
I love having you around me, don't you know?
That I'm thankful
For the blessing
And the lessons that I've learned with you
By my side
That I'm thankful
For the love that you keep bringing in my life
In my life
Don't you know that I'm thankful?
For the moment
When I'm down you know just how to make me smile
Thankful for the joy you're bringing to my life, in my life
For the lessons that I've learned, for the trouble I've known
For the heartache and pain thrown in my way
When I didn't think I could go on
But you made me feel strong, with you I am never alone
Thankful, so thankful
So I'm thankful
For the blessing
And the lessons that I've learned with you
By my side
That I'm thankful
For the love that you keep bringing in my life
In my life
That I'm thankful
For the moment
When I'm down you know just how to make me smile
Thankful for the moment, joy you're bringing to my life
In my life
Thankful, so thankful
He wept for a really long time until he had no tears left to cry; then he remained silent, huddled close to you, still resting his head on your chest and wrapping his arms around you, until he fell asleep like this. While he was sleeping you were leaning against the wall, caressing his soft hair and observing his face with tenderness. It was good to have your best friend back and not feel uncomfortable about being this close to him.
Freckles left the apartment after being for minutes on locked in the bathroom. I was with Joey and Jen in the living room, still trying to understand why Freckles would leave that way without saying anything at all. She acted in a really weird way since someone showed up, someone who according to Freckles was 'no one'. At one point, Jen went to the bathroom and she called us. Joey and I entered shyly because we really didn't know why Jen could have called us to go to the bathroom. When we entered, we found Jen squatting with some things in her hands. She looked up at us and showed us a book, then a letter and then a plywood case.
"Umm... Guys, maybe this is the reason why Freckles left..." Jen said hesitating, handing us the book.
Joey and I observed the book and we saw a lot of kids' drawings, I recognized one of them which was from Zoey, the little girl that Brian saved when Jim harassed us; so I assumed that all the drawings were made by the kids of this orphanage where Brian was volunteer. The last page was a drawing of Brian, next to the drawing there was something written. Joey read it out loud and then we saw a picture of Brian with the kids with some Lego blocks that formed 'Happy thanksgiving Sunny'. Right after that, we all remained silent. So the 'no one' who showed up earlier, according to Freckles, was Brian.
"What does that mean?" Jen suddenly asked and both Joey and I looked at her. "I mean... Darren, I remember you once told me that Brian was friends with Freckles; and I couldn't believe it, but well, it was true. But... This doesn't seem like something you write for a simple friend." Jen pointed out and both Joey and I looked down, pursing our lips. "Hey, come on! I demand some kind of explanation!"
"Well, Jen... Umm..." I babbled uncomfortable. I didn't know if I had rights to explain the whole thing. "Okay, here's the thing; Freckles and Brian lived together, they were best friends, they had the best friendship you can ever imagine. But... they had some sort of dispute weeks ago and well... They are no longer friends. Freckles moved out, that's why she's Meredith's roommate, and she told Brian that she didn't want to see him again; she was hurt because of something that Brian did. Brian, on the other hand, has been trying to talk to her all this time, but Freckles never answered. So... Now that it's thanksgiving, he just wanted to do something for her... And since he's trying to apologize to her, he wrote that thing and he gave her that book of drawings. That's it... In short." I answered, talking really fast, as Jen was frowning.
"Well, that is weird... Because then you have this letter that Brian apparently wrote." Jen responded and handed us the letter.
Joey, again, read it out loud. The letter expressed a lot of nice things and I understood why Jen thought that was weird, because the letter said that she was always there, that she stayed and that she let him call her at all hours and she always answered; and that's none of what happened. So, when Joey finished reading, Jen was again looking at us as though she wanted an explanation, so I sighed.
"I don't know, Jen. Maybe what he meant on that letter is what their friendship used to be... As a way to remember the good things one last time, before the definitive farewell. Things between them are really fucked up, therefore maybe he just wanted to end their friendship in a nice way as it deserves. Or maybe he just wanted to thank her for all the things she has ever done for him, because it's thanksgiving." I explained while shrugging as Jen was still frowning and she nodded slowly.
"So, Brian Clerk, the dude who was a badass and totally rude, wrote this." Jen stated and I squinted.
"Uh, yeah..." I responded, not completely sure what the point was.
"Impressive. He's good." Jen commented while nodding and I frowned.
"Well, duh. He's studying to be a writer, Jen." I replied, shrugging.
"Makes sense." She said thoughtful, then she shook her head and sighed. "Whatever... Point is, where is Freckles now? She left the apartment in her pajamas." She said and Joey and I couldn't help giggling softly.
"I haven't realized that till now." Joey commented.
"Yeah, me either." I added, and then we both got serious. "Umm... I don't know, Jen... I'll text her."
We all returned to the living room and I texted Freckles. Minutes later, she texted me back. Naturally, she was with Brian as I suspected. To be honest, part of me was glad that she was with him. Hopefully they would talk about everything and she would forgive him; because he was a good guy, I never forgot what he did for me the day Jim appeared. Although I did not want them to be together like dating, I did want them to be best friends again. I explained Jen and Joey where Freckles was and then we had lunch without her. During lunch, Jen brought Brian back to the conversation.
"How come Clerk wrote something as nice as that letter? There's no way he could have written something like that. He is just... The guy who was an alpha asshole." Jen asked, thoughtful.
"It turns out that Brian is not an asshole, Jen. He's totally awesome." Joey answered and Jen looked at him and raised her eyebrows in surprise.
"Do you know him, Joey?" She asked curiously.
"Yeah, he's like my bro." He responded and Jen frowned, then looked at me.
"Joey is secretly in love with Brian." I joked and Jen burst out laughing, and so did Joey.
"He's my man." Joey joked while winking. "He is smoking hot; as manly as I love." He said with shrill voice, in a flirty way and we laughed loudly.
"I don't know how he looks like now, but what he wrote wasn't so manly; sorry to disappoint you, Joey." Jen commented amused and Joey frowned as if he was alarmed.
"How you dare!" He exclaimed shrilly, placing a hand on his heart, pretending to be offended. "You're the less sensitive person I know! For guys to write cute things is nowadays considered as manly as hell." He added and Jen raised an eyebrow, bit her lower lip and nodded amused. "If your boyfriend is an ass who cannot even write one cute word, it's not my fault." Joey stated.
I looked at him abruptly, frowning. Did I hear well? I shifted my gaze to Jen and she was looking at Joey with eyes wide open. Joey gulped, made an uncomfortable grimace and looked down.
"Your boyfriend?" I asked looking fixedly at Jen, narrowing my eyes. Jen looked away and blushed.
"Yeah, my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend, by the way." She answered and I dropped my jaw.
"When were you planning to tell me? And why does Joey know and I do not? Hey, I'm offended!" I complained incredulously.
"Well, stop it, Darren. I was gonna tell you, eventually..." Jen answered frowning.
"Eventually?" I snarked in disbelief.
"Yes, eventually. Now shut up if you wanna know." Jen stated in a dominant way. I crossed my arms, slid on the chair and looked at her fixedly, frowning. "His name's Jack and we've been dating for seven months."
"Seven months?" I asked almost shouting.
"Yes, seven months... But it wasn't anything committed until four months ago. We're kinda... Living together." She said and I widened my eyes.
"You... What? You're living with that dude?" I asked astonished.
"Don't call him dude, he is my boyfriend and his name is Jack. And yes, he lives in my house in NYC. He had a dispute with his roommate and I offered him to live in my house. No big deal." Jen answered while shrugging as I shook my head. "I met him thanks to Lucy, you know, Chuck's girlfriend." She added and I nodded. "He'll be an entrepreneur and he's really nice and lovely. We are really fine and the living together is pretty amazing. He's older than me, though. He's 25."
"That's like...5 years apart, Jennifer." I pointed out, serious.
"Yes, so what?" She asked provocatively. "Age means nothing. We have a great relationship and I'm happy. Cannot you be at least a little happy to know that I'm being happy with someone? Because I try to support you with this February girl, but it seems you don't do the same with me." Jen added, a bit annoyed, looking away and crossing her arms.
"Well, yeah, sorry, Jen... It's just... I cannot believe you didn't tell me about it!" I exclaimed loudly.
"If I didn't tell you, it's because I still wasn't sure if this guy was the right guy for me... I wanted to be sure, first. I'm sorry, okay?" Jen responded.
"Yeah, I'm sorry too. I am happy for you. Yet, I do hope I can meet this dude... sorry, Jack... soon. You met February, I wanna meet this du... Jack... too." I said and Jen nodded.
"Well, I invited Joey and Freckles to my house in NYC for Christmas and New Year; I'd be glad if you join, then you can meet him. After all, my house in NYC is pretty big." Jen replied with a big grin.
"Really?" I asked, suddenly very interested in her offer.
"Yeah, if everything goes right, we'll go for Christmas but maybe not for New Year." Joey answered.
"Well, yeah, I'd love that!" I exclaimed excited.
"That's amazing! You can also tell February to join." Jen said and I nodded.
"Sure I will!" I exclaimed merrily. "Damn, it's gonna be super fun!"
Then we started talking about random things, mostly about Jen's new boyfriend. She explained what kind of relationship she and her boyfriend and Chuck and his girlfriend had and I thought it was really cool. I thought that maybe, someday, I'd get that with Freckles and her future boyfriend and me and February. That would be great. Then we started planning what to do in the afternoon. We would definitely go ice skating; hopefully Freckles finished talking to Brian, so she could join us. After a while, I received a text message from her.
From Freckles: Dare, sorry it's late... But the plans of hanging out are still standing?
To Freckles: Of course, Freckles! Are you joining us?
From Freckles: Yes, I'd like that. Only that I need a favor. Today I was in a rush and I left the apartment in my pajamas... So yeah... Could you pick me up and bring me some clothes, shoes and my wallet?
To Freckles: Only if you let me take you a picture in your pajamas without shoes on snow, then post it on Facebook.
From Freckles: Hey, that's so cruel! But, fine. You can do it, dork.
To Freckles: Adorkable, Freckles... How many times do I have to remind you so? We'll be there in a matter of minutes. Everything cool with Brian?
From Freckles: Everything great. It was a very positive talk. Later I'll tell you, but thanks.
To Freckles: It's really good to hear that, Freckles! So, is Brian joining us?
From Freckles: Umm... I don't think so. He says he's tired.
To Freckles: Tell him if he doesn't join us, I'll kick his ass.
From Freckles: He says and I quote: Don't you dare to do that, it's big but also sensitive.
To Freckles: Tell him either to get a cushion or to join us if he doesn't want to rub his sore ass tonight.
From Freckles: Why don't you text him? I really don't wanna read this sort of man-to-man conversation. Jeez.
To Freckles: Party pooper! We'll pick BOTH of you, so get ready. See ya soon!
From Freckles: Fine, but Brian won't go, he says he's determined. So, see you soon!
"Alright, guys, listen up!" I exclaimed loudly with a bright grin as Joey and Jen looked at me. "Jen, go to the bedroom and get clothes and shoes for Freckles. Joey, go for the keys of the car. We're picking Freckles up to have a blast out there!" I exclaimed and their faces lit up.
"Hup! At your command, general Criss!" Jen exclaimed in a silly way and went to the bedroom.
Joey stood up to look for the keys of the car and I looked for Freckles' purse and wallet. Once ready, we all got into the car Jen rented and I was the one who decided to drive, as Jen sat on the passenger seat and Joey on the back seat. Apparently Brian moved and now he had his own apartment, because the address Freckles gave me wasn't the same as before. After minutes we arrived to one dilapidated house; I checked the text message Freckles sent me to corroborate that was the right address; and apparently it was. The three of us remained looking at that house in silence, frowning.
"Brian lives here now?" Joey was the first to ask.
"Yeah, it seems so." I answered while shrugging.
"What kind of person can live in these inhuman conditions? I mean... It seems the place is gonna collapse at any time." Jen commented a bit disgusted, frowning and looking fixedly at that house. "I thought Brian was a wealthy guy?"
"He's anything but, Jen." I answered and Jen frowned confused, so I elaborated a bit more. "His father has a disease and he cannot work, he does not have a mother and he is looking for a job to pay college, bills, food, and his father's meds. He is... poor." I added a bit uncomfortable.
"Certainly, I didn't see that coming." Jen commented in a whisper. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go give Freckles these clothes and let's have fun!" Jen exclaimed and we all nodded.
We got out of the car, Jen with the clothes and shoes for Freckles and I with the purse for Freckles, as Joey stayed in the car. I climbed the steps very carefully because they were rickety wooden. Then I knocked the door and we waited until someone opened the door. It was Brian and he was smiling widely.
"Hi, man!" I greeted cheerfully, shaking my hand with his.
"Hi, Darren." He said and then he looked at Jen. I noticed how Jen looked at him from head to toe and then she looked into his eyes and smiled faintly. "Hi, Jen." Brian greeted shyly with a slight nod.
"Hello, Brian." She answered politely. "Long time no see, eh?" She asked and Brian let out a short giggle, scratching the nape of his neck. "What do you eat, by the way?" She asked. What the hell? Why would she ask something like that?
"Excuse me?" Brian asked confused.
"I mean, look at you! You're hot as hell!" Jen exclaimed looking at him from head to toe again.
I dropped my jaw and raised my eyebrows, looking at her in disbelief. What the fuck, man? Brian also raised his eyebrows, widened his eyes and parted his lips, then he chuckled nervously, again scratching the nape of his neck, now looking down.
"You have a boyfriend, Jennifer." I pointed out and she finally stopped staring at Brian.
"Uh, yeah, I know... But that doesn't mean I cannot compliment someone who looks really sexy. I still have eyes, and eyes are to admire the panorama, dumbass." Jen answered and I bit my lips as Brian let out another nervous giggle. Dammit, Jen, shut up.
"Umm... Do you wanna come in?" Brian asked, obviously to change the topic of conversation.
Both Jen and I nodded, so he stepped aside to let us come in. When we entered I felt kinda bad. This place was horrendous and ridiculously tiny; I felt like I was cramped in between four ruined walls in which all the rooms were combined in only one room; and I also felt like the roof would fall on my head and crush me. When Brian closed the door, I noticed the place was very dark and he had to keep the lights turned on. I leered at Jen and noticed she was also looking at this place in disgust, and also a bit sadly. Freckles was there and as soon as she saw us, she smiled brightly and greeted us. Then Brian joined us and he looked at us with a faint smile.
"Did you bring me clothes and shoes?" Freckles asked.
"Yes, here it is." Jen answered, showing her the plastic bag.
"Cool! I'll go to the bathroom to change!" Freckles exclaimed merrily. It seemed she was in a very good mood. We all nodded in silence as Freckles walked to the bathroom. "Umm, Brian?" Freckles suddenly asked and Brian looked at the direction of the bathroom door.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"Umm... I can't close the door. It has no doorknob." Freckles said and Brian nodded and walked to there.
"Yeah... You... You have to put that pile of books to keep it closed." He responded uncomfortable while pointing Freckles that supposed pile of books.
"Oh!" I heard Freckles exclaiming awkwardly, then I noticed how Jen was looking down and frowning. "Great. I'll be ready in a few minutes." Freckles exclaimed and closed the door. Then Brian looked at us and grinned faintly.
"Umm... You... You can sit..." Brian said while placing a pillow and a cushion on the floor. "Sorry, I don't have chairs... I still have to buy new things." He commented with a short giggle and I noticed how Jen pursed her lips and pointed her eyebrows downwards. "But... Well..." Brian babbled uncomfortable. To avoid any kind of awkward situation, I smiled widely and I sat on the pillow; and Jen did the same. "Do you want something to drink? I don't have coffee, but I can offer you water or tea." He said while walking to the kitchenette.
"I'm fine, thanks." Jen answered politely, smiling softly at him.
"Yes, I'm fine too. Thanks, man." I responded and Brian just nodded. "So... What's new, buddy?" I asked and Brian grinned.
"I got a job!" He exclaimed happily and I grinned brightly. I noticed how Jen smiled slightly too.
"Really? I told you, man! Tell me about it." I requested.
"Well, it's a job in the customer service area for the Ann Arbor District Library at downtown." He commented excited, still smiling widely. "It is great, because I'm like there, suggesting books to people who want to read, or to help them find certain book for college... And my coworkers are pretty amazing. Besides, it gives me time to attend all my courses and to study at night. I really like this job, it's like it's somehow related to what I'm studying." He explained very cheerfully. I saw how Jen was looking at him with a gentle smile.
"That's really cool, buddy! Congratulations on your new job!" I exclaimed.
"Thank you, man." He answered. "Also, the vice president of the University, Sally J. Churchill, told me that after this midterm they will consider giving me a full scholarship due to my dedication, scores and extracurricular activities." He commented very happy. I saw how Jen raised her eyebrows in amazement.
"That is... That is totally awesome, bro!" I exclaimed.
"You must be super smart to get a full scholarship." Jen commented and Brian looked at her astonished and chuckled nervously.
"I... I'm just... I'm just a kind of nerd... Just... I'm just dedicated." He replied timidly.
"He's the most intelligent guy I know, Jen. If you don't believe me, ask Joey who admires him." I said and Brian just giggled uncomfortable, looking down and scratching the nape of his neck. "Seriously, man, you should admit proudly that you're the best at your program."
"I... I just..." He mumbled while biting his lips and avoiding our gaze.
"Okay, guys, I'm ready!" Freckles suddenly exclaimed, coming out the bathroom. "Let's go?"
"Sure." I said while standing up just as Jen. Freckles headed to the door and so did I.
"Brian, why don't you come with us?" Jen suddenly asked and both Freckles and I looked at her surprised. Then Freckles looked at me frowning and I shrugged.
"Uh... No... Thanks, but no... I have things to do. But you guys have fun!" Brian answered uncomfortable and Jen frowned.
"I'm sure you can do those things later. Come on, it's gonna be fun, we're gonna go ice skating! Have you ever ice skated?" She asked and Brian shook his head as a response. "So, come with us!" Jen exclaimed with a gentle smile.
"Umm... I really... Umm..." Brian stammered awkwardly.
"Come on!" Jen insisted and Brian looked at her dumbfounded.
"Umm... Alright." Brian agreed and both Freckles and I dropped our jaws as Jen grinned triumphantly. "Just... Let me go get a jacket." He said and Jen nodded.
When Jen saw that Brian was looking for a jacket inside a box in a corner where he apparently had all his clothes, I noticed she looked at him sadly. Aha! Now I knew why she was doing this. She was feeling pity for Brian. She forgot about that idea he was an alpha asshole and she was now realizing that he was actually a nice and modest dude. When Brian looked up, she stopped looking at him in that sad way and, instead, she grinned softly. Brian put on his jacket and then a beanie and a scarf and we all headed outside. He closed the door and then we walked to the car. When we were walking to the car I noticed Jen was staring Brian's ass and I frowned and bit my tongue not to laugh, but she noticed something weird was happening to me, so she looked at me and frowned.
"What?" She asked in a whisper.
"Brian is gonna catch you, Jen." I pointed out, also in a whisper.
"I can't help it! Look at his ass, gosh! No guy on earth has that ass." Jen answered, turning her gaze to his ass again. "You should have warned that he is a fucking sex god before coming, my body wasn't ready for this!" She exclaimed, always in a whisper.
I couldn't help laughing out loud, so Freckles and Brian looked at us and Jen quickly looked up, swallowing and blushing slightly. When they got in the car, I looked at Jen very amused.
"I told you to stop staring his ass." I mocked her and she giggled. "And here goes a little reminder that you have a boyfriend."
"Thanks for reminding me, Darren, you're a good friend." Jen joked and I shook my head, chuckling softly. "Although I really feel like pushing him against a wall and just touch him everywhere, I won't do anything." Jen commented and I frowned and parted my lips.
"Jen! Dammit, I don't wanna hear about your sexual fantasies!" I exclaimed and she laughed.
"Well, deal with it... I told you, you should have warned me that Clerk turned into the hottest man alive... Anyway, I won't do anything, I have a boyfriend... But I'm allowed to stare that masterpiece that his body and face is, aren't I?" She asked amused and I shook my head.
"Shut up, Jennifer." I demanded and she giggled again.
We got in the car and I drove to the Buhr Park, because there was a large outdoor ice rink and it was the cheapest ice in the city to rent. When we arrived, all of us, particularly Joey, Freckles and I, ran like little excited kids to the ice rink. We quickly rented skates and paid the skating fee. Brian and Jen, the two who knew how to behave like sane people, finally reached us. Jen asked for some skates and Brian just remained looking at us amused, seeing how Joey and Freckles were helping each other not to slip on the ice. Then I joined Freckles and Joey and I began to skate in circles around them, mocking them because they couldn't maintain balance.
"Brian, come on, ask for some skates." I heard Jen telling Brian. Then I looked at them in the distance. Brian looked at her amazed and then looked down with a weak grin.
"Uh, no... I think I'll just watch you, guys." I heard Brian answering. Then I saw that look on Jen: Pity.
"That's lame! Come on, I'll pay the skating fee and the skates. What's the size of your shoes?" Jen asked and I smiled.
"Thank you, but I really don't wanna skate." Brian responded and Jen frowned.
"Okay, here's the thing... I'm one of those annoying girls who always gets what she wants... So, you either bring your ass here to skate or you bring your ass here to skate. Is that clear?" Jen asked and Brian looked at her with his lips parted, raising eyebrows and then he chuckled and shook his head.
"Do I have any other option?" He asked amused.
"No, you don't... So come here right now." Jen demanded.
Brian, surprisingly, walked to where Jen was. Crap, she was good; she really knew how to convince people to do what she wanted. I saw Brian telling something to the dude who rented the skates and then the dude gave him a pair of skates. I saw Brian pulling out his wallet and then Jen slapping his hand, so he looked at her perplexed, puckering his brows.
"Put that shit in your pocket again, Brian. I said I pay." She said firmly and I saw him shaking his head, but Jen was faster and paid for it.
"Thank you." Brian said amazed with a grateful smile.
"You're welcome... Come on, let's skate!" Jen exclaimed joyfully and Brian tried to step on the ice rink.
Fucking genius, that was what Jen was. I forgot how kind she was; although she didn't know him, she was kind with him. Good people, Jen was in that team. Then I got distracted because I heard Joey's boisterous laughter: Freckles was laying on the ice, frowning, but also laughing. I quickly skidded to them to join Joey and mock Freckles. Yeah, man, this was going to be a totally awesome day.
BRIAN'S POV
Things were getting straight for me. Right when I was about to have a meltdown, good things started happening to me and I began to mellow out. I got a job, there was the possibility that I could get a full scholarship, and Sunny forgave me. Not only that, but also I felt like I had friends, like people really wanted me to hang out with them. And that felt weird and really good. Yes. There were no reasons for me to feel bad. Moreover, there was Jennifer... We never talked before, only in high school and the few times we exchanged words were to say rude things, mostly on my part. Nonetheless, she was very nice to me. At first I thought she loathed me and rightly, in view of the way I acted in high school. Next I felt like she was ashamed of me, because I noticed the way she looked at my apartment, the way she looked at the way I was dressed and I noticed the way she looked at me with pity. And at last I felt like she was a nice person. In the end, she was the one who asked me to join them when I was at my apartment, something I was certainly not expecting; something that made me feel like someone wanted me to be part of a group of friends that wanted to have fun. I was part of that group and I never had a group of friends before. And now she was there, paying for me the skates and the skating fee as though she really wanted me to be part of the fun and not a spectator of the fun as my role in everything always has been. Why would she do all of those nice things for me?
"Come on, let's skate!" She exclaimed joyfully.
I tried to step on the ice rink, but I've never ice skated before, so one of my feet slipped and I moved my arms to maintain balance. I laughed at myself and sighed in relief because, luckily, nobody saw me.
"Alright... Um... How do I say this?" I stated, still chuckling and Jen turned her face to look at me. "I really think I can't make this." I stated a bit ashamed and she laughed loudly and glided to me.
"You can make this, I'll help you." She said gently and then she took me by the arm and helped me to skate forward. "First off, try not to stiffen your body and keep your body loose and relaxed, you will find it much easier to glide along." She explained while looking at me and I just nodded and tried to relax. "Good, now bend your knees slightly and lean forward." She said and I did it. She giggled softly and then she held my hand. "Okay, now we'll start gliding along, okay?"
"Umm... Uh... Okay..." I said feeling nervous, stiffening my body again.
"Cool down!" She laughed and I nodded. Then she glided and I glided along with her, feeling how my legs were beginning to open.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! How do I stop this?" I exclaimed alarmed and she laughed and let out my hand. "No! No! Take my hand again!" I exclaimed terrified as she stood in front of me and placed her hands on my waist, helping me to maintain balance.
"No other guy has ever begged me this much to hold their hand!" She joked and I laughed nervously, trying my best not to fall. "Bend your knees again and relax!" She requested and I did so. "Now, move slowly and avoid jerky movements." She said and I tried to move slowly. "Good!" She exclaimed, now taking both of my hands. "Let's try to move faster. If you feel like you're going to fall, bend your knees and put your arms out on the side of you." She explained and I nodded. Then we started moving faster and I was freaking out. Dammit, I didn't like this, I was not enjoying this. "If you anticipate needing to fall, bend your knees and squat into a dip position. Put your hands out to break your fall, quickly clenching your fingers into a fist so that you don't run the risk of losing any fingers from a passing skater."
"Losing a finger?" I asked horrified, widening my eyes. Jen burst out laughing. "What is this shit? Where is the fun of this? It seems to me I could die at any time!" I exclaimed loudly and she laughed again.
"Well, there's the fun of it. It's risky and adventurous. You gotta do the best you can, so that you'll survive." She joked and I huffed.
"I wanna return to the safe area!" I replied disturbed and she giggled.
"Come on; at least let's make a full turn in the skating rink." She proposed.
"Okay. Just one." I agreed and she chuckled and let out my hands. "No! Please, hold my hand!" I screamed while wobbling. She glided next to me and held one of my hands. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now, if you want me to hold your hand, we gotta move faster." She challenged and I shook my head.
"Please, no! Have mercy!" I exclaimed loudly but she began to move faster... Like really fast. "Fuck!" I cursed in a yell. "Holy crap! Stop! Stop! I'm gonna die!" I shouted scared and she just laughed, increasing the speed. "No! No!" I yelled again and then I noticed that Darren, Joey and Sunny approached us. "Stay away! Stay away! I'm gonna stumble upon you!" I yelled while panicking and Jen increased the speed and I closed my eyes in fear.
"Open your eyes, Clerk!" I heard Darren yelling and laughing.
"Hot damn! You go, Brian! Woo-hoo!" I heard Joey yelling, also laughing.
"Boo-ya! You got it, Brian!" I heard Sunny laughing and I finally opened my eyes. Jen was looking at me very amused.
"Ready for a little trick?" She asked.
"What? What trick are you talking about? I don't want any kind of trick!" I answered very frightened.
"We're gonna dance!" She exclaimed excited.
"What the fuck are you talking about? I can barely skate like this and you pretend..." I started complaining, but it was too late.
She stood in front of me, face to face, and she placed a hand on my shoulder as she held one of my hands with her other hand. Then she gestured me to place my free hand on her waist. When I did it, she started making some weird movements and she began to spin and twirl with me, as I started feeling dizzy. Then she let out my shoulder and when I let out her waist, she extended her arm, still holding my hand, and she gestured me to extend my arm as well. Like this, she began to glide fast until she started twirling, wrapping herself on my extended arm, to then finish facing me, very close to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. When she did this, I could no longer maintain my balance and I caused her lose her balance as well. We began to wobble until I felt my head crashing fully into the ice, falling on my back as she fell on top of me, hitting my face with her head. Goddammit, that was painful! I noticed how Darren, Joey and Sunny glided to us and Sunny helped Jen to stand up as Joey and Darren helped me to stand up.
"Are you guys okay?" Sunny asked worried as I was running a hand over my face.
"Yes, I'm fine." I heard Jen responding, then I felt hands on my shoulders. "Brian, are you okay?" She asked and I opened my eyes to find her looking concerned into my eyes.
"Yes, I'm fine." I answered with a slight, yet painful, smile.
"I'm sorry I forced you to dance!" She apologized and I just smiled.
"No, it's alright, I had fun." I replied amiably.
"You guys were rocking the rink!" Joey exclaimed in a hyper way and I chuckled. "Are you sure you're a beginner, Brian?" Joey asked and I looked fixedly at him in an are-you-fucking-kidding-me way as he laughed.
"Do you wanna go and sit?" Jen asked and I nodded. "Okay, I'll go with you. We need to recover." She chuckled softly and so did I. "You keep having fun, guys."
"Will do!" Darren exclaimed and then they began to glide while laughing.
"I'm so sorry, Brian." Jen apologized again while taking one of my hands.
"No, it's fine, really. I honestly had fun, even if I was panicking and yelling like a madman." I joked and she giggled softly as she helped me to glide to the extreme of the rink.
We got out the rink and took off the skates to put on our respective shoes. Then we walked silently to one of the benches near there with full view to the rink. We sat and observed how people were skating... For real, not like me. Dammit, I was a sucker. But I did have fun.
"I could notice you're a good dancer." Jen suddenly commented and I looked at her and grinned.
"Well, I know some tricks." I answered while shrugging. "Of course the tricks are only applicable to other surfaces but ice." I added while raising an eyebrow as she laughed loudly. Could she think I was a funny person?
"Then maybe you could show me one of those tricks on a solid surface." She said with a very amused smirk.
"Gladly!" I exclaimed while chuckling. "Just... Not on ice again."
"Not on ice again. Noted." She accentuated.
Then we remained silent. It was not like one of those awkward and horrible silences, it was more like a pleasant silence in which we were both watching people skate, laugh and play in the rink; feeling the cold breeze in our faces and small snowflakes landing on top of our heads, but feeling warm enough because we recently skated. My gaze focused on Sunny and I smiled affectionately when I saw her laughing in a peppy way with Joey and Darren. She was so full of joy and vitality that it was heartwarming to see. I doubtlessly did miss her bright smile and her briskness, few of the things of her that could make me feel wholly grateful for having her in my life. I giggled when I saw her slipping and tottering when she tried to make a scratch spin and then ended up falling down. Then I saw how Darren helped her up and they began to skate together, holding hands, spinning together and laughing. They seemed to be happy, like in those times they were together in high school when I wished I could be that happy sometime. I grinned faintly and, without premeditating it, I sighed.
"You love her, don't you?" I suddenly heard Jen asking.
I looked at her and I found her looking deeply into my eyes, in a very curious way, frowning slightly and narrowing her eyes, as though she was examining me. I wondered why she asked such a thing; maybe she observed me when I was looking at Sunny and she found it weird and freaky. I just grinned and looked at Sunny again.
"Yes, I do. She is my best friend." I answered.
"Yes, I know that. But what I meant... You're in love with her, aren't you?" She asked.
I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. Why would she ask that? Was it too obvious? Or maybe Darren told her. Yes, surely Darren told her because they were very close friends and he was Sunny's ex-boyfriend as she was Sunny's friend in high school. I pursed my lips and looked down.
"Darren told you that, didn't he?" I asked while rubbing my knees. When I turned my face to look at her, she was frowning.
"No, he didn't tell me that. He just told me you were best friends and now you weren't going through a good moment because you had some kind of dispute. But you just answered my question." She responded.
I parted my lips and let out a short chuckle, looking down again and shaking my head, raising an eyebrow and thinking how stupid I was. So she didn't know anything, but I just gave it away.
"Well, yes. I'm in love with her." I admitted while sighing.
For the first time, I admitted it in front of someone without feeling guilty, without feeling ashamed and without feeling like I was some sort of creep for being in love with her. And it just felt... nice. I looked at her again and I grinned faintly as she looked fixedly into my eyes and grinned back.
"Is it too obvious?" I asked, making fun of myself. She chuckled softly and shook her head.
"Um... It depends on who looks at you. A simple person won't notice it right away, but a person who studied psychology one year will totally notice it... That's me." She answered with an amused smirk and I raised my eyebrows in surprise; I thought she was studying journalism.
"How did you notice, may I know?" I asked intrigued.
"Just for the way you look at her. There's something particular in your eyes..." She replied and I frowned, intrigued. She smiled and looked straight in my eye. "Your eyes shine in her presence or when you look at her; they become moister and so they reflect more light thus appearing shinny." She explained and I frowned slightly.
Really? I looked at Sunny again as trying to notice if my eyes indeed shone more when looking at her, but I couldn't notice anything unusual. Then I saw her laughing boisterously and I raised my eyebrows and smiled.
"Then there's that micro gesture when you look at her, it's that you raise your eyebrows at the moment you see her; that's a sign you like her." Jen added and I looked abruptly at her, frowning again and pursing my lips. She nodded and chuckled softly. "Your pupil dilates when you see her, and people's pupils dilate when they look at anything they like." She stated and I just parted my lips... How did she know this stuff? "Then, normal people would look in your eye for some time then shift their gaze away each few seconds, a person who likes you will keep looking into your eyes for longer periods of time; you do that with her. Yet, when she catches you looking at her, you look away; and this happens because you want to show her that you are not that interested in her in order to protect your ego." She finished and I was looking at her stunned, raising my eyebrows. Then I chuckled and shook my head, looking down.
"I'm pathetic, right?" I asked rhetorically.
"Why do you think so? Because of the way you look at her or because of being in love with her?" She asked curiously and I sighed.
"Both reasons." I replied, shrugging.
"I don't think it's pathetic." She answered and I glanced surreptitiously at her. She was still looking into my eyes and she was frowning. "The way you look at her is something nice. Not all men can look at a woman in that way, and it's always something wonderful to see, because I do believe that eyes are the reflection of soul; so it just shows that beautiful part of your soul. It just shows you love her in a selfless way, sheer love." She elaborated and I looked at her steadily. "And it's not pathetic the fact you're in love with her. Why would it be something pathetic? Love should never be pathetic; instead, you should feel proud because you're capable of loving and feeling the beauty of being in love with a person."
"Sometimes being in love with someone is not as beautiful as you stated." I responded, looking down and biting my lower lip.
"Why do you say that?" She questioned while narrowing her eyes.
"Have you ever been in love?" I asked and she nodded. "Horrible, isn't it?" I asked again and she parted her lips, frowned and shook her head, looking at me a bit disturbed. "It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it." I started explaining, now looking away and frowning. "They did something dumb one day, like kiss or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." I exclaimed while sighing in frustration and maybe also in despair, still looking away and frowning; now clenching my jaw.
Whoa. I couldn't believe I just said that out loud. I couldn't believe I said that in front of someone who didn't even know me and I didn't even know. Why did I say that? She just... She just made me forget I was talking to someone, how did she get to do that to me? I was feeling so ashamed right now. I should have never spat out my feelings with someone. This never happened before, it only happened with Sunny but because she was my best friend and it took me a long to tell her some of my feelings. Crap, I was a jerk. When I dared to look at Jen, I found her looking at me open-mouthed, raising eyebrows with eyes wide open, in a thunderstruck way. She was surely thinking I was a demented guy. So I looked away out of shame.
"What if we go for a coffee?" She suddenly asked and I frowned.
"Uh..." I hesitated. I did not have money for a stupid coffee.
"Come on, it's cold and I need to warm up." She insisted and I bit my lips, still avoiding her gaze. "I invite."
"Uh... No... No, I don't want you to do that." I responded, feeling really ashamed of everything.
"Please?" She asked insistently.
"Alright... But I invite, you paid for the skates and the skating fee." I finally agreed.
Jen and I left the Buhr Park and we headed to the nearest coffee shop we could find. We looked for an empty table in the crowded place and we found one next to a large window with views to the street. We sat in front of each other and waited for the waitress to arrive.
"Hello, what would you want to order?" A grumpy young waitress asked.
"A cappuccino and a hazelnut crescent roll for me." Jen answered.
"Make it two cappuccinos and two hazelnut crescent rolls." I said and the waitress took down the order. Then the waitress left without saying anything at all.
"Do you really like cappuccino or have you just ordered it because I ordered it and you wanted to look like a gentleman?" Jen asked amused and I chuckled.
"I really like cappuccino. It's my favorite coffee order." I answered.
"Mine too... Not many people have cappuccino as their first option. My boyfriend, for instance, in our first date ordered a cappuccino because he knew I loved it, but he hates it... He just wanted to look like a gentleman, stupid thing to do." She commented while laughing, so I giggled softly.
"Well, maybe he just wanted to impress you and gain your attention." I said while smirking and shrugging. "And it seems it worked."
"It worked, yes." She laughed loudly.
Then there was a moment we remained silent in which the waitress brought our order. We both sipped our respective coffees and smiled in pleasure. Yeah, nothing better than a hot coffee in a very cold day. Then Jen looked at me and narrowed her eyes with an amused smirk. What? Did I have coffee on my mouth? I sneakily ran my hand on my mouth but I didn't have anything.
"Do you know what's funny?" She asked with the same facial expression.
"What? Do I really have coffee on my mouth?" I asked a bit alarmed, running my hand on my mouth again.
"What?" She asked while laughing out loud. "Oh my god, no! No, there's nothing weird on your face." She added and I nodded, perhaps feeling a bit awkward. "So, I'll ask again... Do you know what's funny?"
"What's funny?" I asked suspiciously.
"For me you were always the alpha asshole." She answered and I choked with the coffee, raising my eyebrows and widening my eyes.
"Wow, such honesty!" I exclaimed amazed.
"Yeah, I'm brutally honest." She responded while nodding, with a thoughtful expression. I just pursed my lips, nodded and sipped my coffee again. Not that this was the first time someone thought I was an asshole. "Seriously, you were always this douchebag who thought that ruled the world; this nasty and insufferable guy who was super rude, insolent and brainless who deserved nothing but shit. Holy crap, I loathed you." She said as I was looking at her puzzled, with my lips parted.
"Ouch." I exclaimed with a hurtful grimace and she just nodded. Why was she saying those things? Again, not the first time I heard someone saying that of me, but why now?
"Yeah... But it turns out that you're anything but." She voiced while looking curiously into my eyes, still squinting and frowning, as I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "You astounded me and you acted like a wake-up call for me to remind that I do not have to judge a book by its cover." She added and I frowned slightly. "You're accommodating and kind, you treat people with respect and you seem to be really smart and humble. Instead of being insolent, you are shy. And instead of thinking you rule the world, it seems you think you don't have place in this world." She stated, still looking fixedly at me as though she was analyzing me. I just looked away and swallowed, wondering why she would notice I thought such a thing. "You're intriguing, Brian." She voiced, propping her chin on her hand.
"Trust me, I'm not intriguing." I responded while chuckling, shaking my head. "But thank you, what you said is really nice and not many people think that about me." I added shyly.
"Well, maybe those people cannot see what's inside you. You're kind of inscrutable and some people can't handle that. I wonder why you built up all these walls so that people don't see how you truly are." She wondered, still looking deeply into my eyes, propping her chin on her hand.
"How are you so sure I built up walls so that people don't see the way I truly am?" I asked intriguingly.
"Again, I studied one year of psychology and I'm studying journalism, thus I know certain things and I have a sharp eye." She answered and I nodded.
"Events of my past made me be the way I am." I replied.
"Do you live in your past?" She asked.
"No, I don't. I live the present and this reality in which I'm immersed, and I worry more about the future rather than the past. But I am what I am because of my past... Aren't we all part of our past, present and future?" I asked, also looking deeply into her eyes as she smiled as though she was contented to hear that answer.
"Yes, I think we are. Yet, you forgot to mention that we also are our dreams. All things combined are what we are." She added and I smiled.
"Good point." I said while nodding.
"So... We were having a pretty interesting conversation outside. I asked you if we could go for a coffee not because I really wanted a coffee, but because I wanted to talk to you somewhere else." She suddenly said.
"So you lied to me." I said, playing dumb.
"Yes, I think I did. Sorry for that. But I did want a coffee too." She joked and I chuckled, shaking my head. "You seem to be very disappointed when it comes to love. Does Freckles contribute to your disappointment?" She asked and I felt really uncomfortable. I was not one of those people who used to speak out about feelings.
"I really don't talk about my feelings. Sorry." I answered shortly, looking away.
"Why?" She asked curiously.
"It just makes me feel uncomfortable." I responded, now biting my lips.
"Why?" She asked again and this time I looked at her and frowned.
"Why do you ask so many things? Are you trying to analyze me?" I asked kind of harshly, even if that wasn't my intention.
"I'm sorry, it's just I'm a journalist and I can't avoid questioning people." She apologized and I just nodded. "And I'm sorry, I'm not trying to analyze you. I'm just trying to understand you because when I first saw you I had the feeling you don't have so many people you can talk to and maybe you need it."
"No, I don't need it. I'm fine with myself." I answered, avoiding her gaze.
"That's a lie. Everybody needs someone to talk to. Sometimes being so self-contained and reticent is not good. You need to release your feelings and thoughts somehow." She said softly.
"Well, I've always been all by myself; and even if sometimes I feel like I need someone, I'd never talk about my feelings with someone I don't know, like you. So stop trying to meddle because I won't talk to you." I replied harshly, again if it was not my intention. When I looked at her, I saw her looking down and pursing her lips as though she was embarrassed or afflicted. And I felt bad, she was only trying to be nice and I acted like a douche. "I'm sorry, Jen." I finally said gently and she just nodded, still looking down. "I didn't mean to treat you bad, it's just I'm not used to people wanting to know how I feel or what's happening to me. So I just felt weird and I said rude things because that's my way of self-defense... I have this stupid tendency to push people away when they're trying to get close. Sorry." I apologized again and this time she looked at me distressed.
"It's okay, Brian. I understand. So, if this conversation makes you feel uncomfortable, we can talk about something else. But I do really hope someday you can find someone to talk to. It'll help you and it'll feel nice." She said gently, smiling faintly.
"I just have troubles when it comes to trust people." I confessed ashamed, looking down.
"I understand, really." She replied amiably.
"Yes, Sunny, the way I call Freckles, contributes to my disappointment; but she's not to blame... It's my problem, there's nothing bad about her... She's just amazing; I'm the stupid one here." I said in a sigh.
I noticed how Jen looked at me astonished because I was talking to her. Maybe I should stop being always so reticent and think that it was possible for some people to really care about what was happening to me. Maybe she did not want to make fun of me, maybe she did not have bad intentions, maybe she just wanted to understand and help me as she said. And maybe this conversation could help me, because she was right... I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't believe I was gonna tell her my feelings, I never did this; but I should give it a try to try to change myself in a positive way. So I explained Jen my whole situation with Sunny and how I felt about her. I even explained her some things about my past, some of those things that made me be the way I am; I told her about my dad, my mother and how I was always lonely; I told her about my troubles. We finished our coffees and crescent rolls and we ordered two more cappuccinos. It was impressive the way she was just listening to me, without interrupting me or without assuming bad things about me. And I was feeling good, like more relieved, like the burden upon my shoulders was easing.
"Life goes on, they say, but that's not always true. Sometimes life does not go on. Sometimes is just days passing by." I finished saying, looking down in a distressed way.
"I think sometimes it feels like that because we rarely think about what we have, but we always think about what we lack; and that makes us unhappy." Jen said, but in a gentle way. I thought about it for a while and maybe she was right.
"True... But don't misinterpret me. I am very grateful for all the things I have. I always try to remember all the good things I have and feel blessed because I understand there are people who have it worse. It's just... that sometimes the bad things are much more than the good things and when that happens... it's just hard to see the positives." I answered while looking down.
"Brian... In this moment in your life, are you feeling depressed?" She asked and I looked at her startled.
She was looking at me as though she really wanted to get a straight answer. She was not looking at me in disgust or as if I was a disgrace for feeling bad; she was looking at me curiously and compassionately, as though she wanted to understand me. So I looked down, bit my lips and thought about the honest answer. I grinned sadly.
"I'm not depressed." I answered with the same half-smile, looking down. "I can still smile at pretty things and laugh when jokes are funny. I can still talk to people and enjoy nice days." I began to explain as I felt her gaze fixed on me, yet I didn't dare to look at her. Then my half-smile vanished and I sighed. "But when I go inside, when I'm alone, there's something broken. And I fall into sadness so sweet that it engulfs me. I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see, and the tears always fall when I'm falling asleep. And I miss something that doesn't exist." I confessed and I had to make a pause because I began to feel the annoying lump in throat. I cleared my throat and I finally looked into Jen's eyes. "I'm not depressed. I've just been sad for a while. But I can still find the light; I can still smile." I added with a faint smile and my eyes moist.
I've never been so honest and outspoken, only with Sunny, but not with someone else; and it felt weird that it was with someone like Jen, someone I didn't know so much and who didn't know me as well. For the first time in my life I felt proud of myself; I could never feel quite proud of myself, but this time I did; this was important for me, this was like a huge progress for me. She was looking intensely into my eyes. Her eyes were teary and they showed compassion; yet she was grinning warmly at me. Then something I was certainly not expecting happened. She moved her hand and she placed it above mine, to squeeze it softly. No one apart from Sunny ever held my hand... Yeah, Jen did it when she was teaching me how to skate and the kids of the orphanage held my hand several times... But no one did it as a gesture to show me some kind of affection or reassurance. And, oddly enough, I let her doing so. Then I noticed how a tear escaped from the corner of her eyes, so she chuckled softly and wiped it away.
"Oh, I'm sorry..." Jen apologized and I just smiled. "I'm not one of those people who cry... But... I just can't believe how much of a good person you are." She added while frowning slightly and grinning softly. I just smiled shyly and looked down. "Thank you for being honest with me."
"Thank you for listening. I haven't realized how much I actually needed to talk to someone." I answered looking at her with a grateful smile. "Now, may I ask you something?"
"Sure." She answered, finally moving her hand away.
"Um... I don't wanna sound ridiculous or stupid... Or like one maudlin dude." I said a bit uncomfortable and she frowned.
"I won't think that." She assured and I nodded.
"What do you do when you think you can't fall in love with anyone else because that person means everything to you?" I asked timidly, pursing my lips. She frowned and reflected about the question.
"Then, in those moments, you have to fall in love with your own existence. After all, there's no one who is more worth of your love than yourself." She answered with a kind smile; shrugging and I grinned and nodded, looking down, still a bit sadly. "Hey..." She called me up and when I looked at her, she smiled nicely. "The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn't hurt now." She voiced and I nodded, biting my lips. "And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you're doing yourself a disservice. Don't do that." She said gently, frowning and looking steadily into my eyes. "The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it mattered or matters. And that's an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn't mean that it won't end, that it won't get better. Because it will." She said sweetly and I smiled at her.
"Thanks, I guess that's something I needed to hear." I admitted in all honesty. Her words were really helping me and that was good.
"So, Darren texted me where we are... Do you wanna come back?" She asked and I nodded.
"Sure." I answered and then I called the waitress to ask for the bill.
"Four cappuccinos and two hazelnut crescent rolls. That's $40." The waitress said and I raised my eyebrows. $40? Dammit.
"Oh, okay." I said while looking for my wallet. I took from my wallet the only $50 bill I had that I earned the last time I worked.
"Here." I heard Jen saying and I abruptly looked at her.
"No, what are you doing? I said I invite." I said strongly. "Take this." I said, handing the bill to the waitress. She took it, gave me the change and then left.
"Thank you, Brian." Jen said grinning and I smiled while nodding.
Then we left the coffee shop and we returned to the Buhr Park, walking slowly and talking about random things. It was good to have talked to her... Even if this didn't mean so much to her, it did mean a lot to me. I thought that maybe I could have a new friend. So I smiled.
I was with Freckles and Joey, taking a break of skating because we all were exhausted. It was one of the funniest things I've ever done. Freckles, initially, couldn't stop wobbling and falling down; but I suspected she was just pretending it, because afterwards she could maintain balance, spin, and perform on figure skates. How if this was the first time she was in an ice rink? She confessed she took classes of skate, not ice skate, but skate; besides she took dancing classes; so it wasn't so hard for her after she got used to the ice. Now we were looking for Jen and Brian who gave up skating hours ago. It seemed they were no longer there, so I texted Jen to ask where they were because we were freezing, so we wanted to return to the apartment to warm up. Oh well, they were in a coffee shop. That was weird... The way Jen was acting around Brian was weird; after all, she thought he was an alpha asshole... But they were together in a coffee shop, like what the hell?
"Is really Jen with Brian in a coffee shop?" Freckles asked suspiciously.
"Yes, it seems so." I answered while shrugging.
"I thought Jen didn't like him at all?" Joey questioned.
"She didn't like him?" Freckles asked.
"Like really, man, she said he was an asshole and then she was there like holding his hand while skating and dancing and just bullshitting and now they are in a coffee shop alone?" Joey asked.
"Jen thought Brian was an asshole?" Freckles asked.
"And yeah, it's weird... She was talking to him and she was even laughing! And then she was there... looking at him in that way...Not that she though he was not manly?" Joey asked.
"Jen thought Brian was not manly? And what way was she looking at him? Why is it weird?" Freckles asked.
"Seriously, why are they in a coffee shop together?" Joey asked.
"Alright, shut up you two!" I exclaimed loudly. They looked at me stunned but they did stop talking. "Yes, Jen thought Brian was an asshole and that he wasn't a manly guy, she did not like him; but that changed when she finally saw him again and noticed he was anything but. She felt pity for Brian so that's why she was talking to him, and holding his hand and whatever. I don't know what way you think she was looking at him, Joey... She just thinks he is kind of attractive just as you think, Joey... But she has a boyfriend, just reminding you so. And they just went to a coffee shop to warm up, that's what she told me. And they'll be here in a matter of minutes. All questions answered?" I asked while raising an eyebrow and they just nodded.
"Alright, so we should just sit and wait for them." Joey suggested and we did so. Once we were sitting, Freckles looked at me and smiled.
"Dare, I wanted to thank you." She said softly.
"What for?" I asked confused.
"Well, because you were the one who asked me to try to forgive Brian, and if it hadn't been for your encouragement, I wouldn't have talked to him and he wouldn't be my friend again. So thank you, that was nice from you." She said kindly and I grinned at her.
"No problem, Freckles. I'm glad you talked to him and I'm glad you guys are friends again." I replied. "How... How do you feel about knowing he... like he is in love with you and you... well, you don't feel the same?" I asked awkwardly. Freckles raised her eyebrows and then she frowned as though she was thinking.
"It feels kind of weird... But then I think he has been in love with me all of these years, yet he never intended to be more than my friend. So I guess, despite he is in love with me, he was always just my friend and he acted as such. That's why I think we can keep being friends." She answered.
"Don't you think... Don't you think you could, unintentionally, hurt him?" I asked awkwardly again, remembering the conversation I had with Brian that night Jim appeared. Freckles looked at me and frowned.
"What do you mean?" She asked suspiciously.
"Umm... Nothing. Just nothing, forget it." I answered while looking away, thinking that maybe this question would screw up their friendship again.
"He just wants to be my friend, Darren." She said.
"Yes, I know." I responded while nodding.
"And I don't want to hurt him." She added kind of distressed.
"Yes, I know, Freckles." I replied.
"Do you think we can't be friends because he feels something more?" She asked afflicted, looking deeply into my eyes as I felt Joey's gaze fixed on me. Now I felt kind of awkward and somehow under pressure.
"Hey, no..." I answered looking deeply into her eyes. "No, I think you can be very best friends. Just forget what I asked, okay?" I requested gently.
"Yes, that's right... You two can be best friends, despite the way he feels for you. It's been always like this, right?" Joey asked with a friendly smile and Freckles grinned and nodded.
Freckles was about to say something, but we all saw Jen and Brian walking towards us, so she remained silent. Even in the distance I could notice the bright way they were smiling and I wondered why they would be smiling that way. Apart from that, there was nothing weird. When they reached us, Jen asked a random girl if she could take us a photo. So we all posed in front of the ice rink and Jen stood right next to Brian. I saw how she wrapped an arm around him and how he did the same as I frowned like... what the hell. Yes, what the hell? Jen didn't like him, why was she doing such a thing? I noticed how Freckles, who was also next to Brian, looked at them and frowned slightly. And the girl took the photo... Fortunately she took it while I was posing for the photo and not observing them.
"Great! Thank you!" Jen exclaimed and the girl nodded and left. I saw how Jen looked at the photo with a huge grin. "I'll post it on Facebook! It's amazing!" She exclaimed and then looked at us. "Well, what are we doing now, eh?" She asked excited.
"We were thinking that maybe we could return to the apartment so we can warm up, and maybe later we can go to the Blind Pig." Freckles answered.
"That sounds good!" Jen exclaimed cheerfully.
"You gotta go to the Blind Pig, Jen. It's totally awesome!" Joey exclaimed excited and she nodded.
"Well, let's go, shall we?" I asked and everybody nodded in agreement.
So then we all started walking to the car. We all got in, again I was the one who was gonna drive and Jen sat on the passenger seat as Joey and Freckles sat on the back seat. But Brian just remained standing outside.
"Umm... I'll just return to my place. It's not far from here, so I'll go walking." He announced and I saw how Jen looked behind to look at him frowning.
"What are you talking about?" Jen asked and Brian just raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Get in the car." She demanded and Freckles looked at Jen frowning and chuckled softly when Brian did what she requested. "Come on, Darren! Start the car! We need to get ready to go to the Blind Pig."
"At your command, boss." I joked and everybody laughed.
"You just sound so like my sister, Jen." Freckles commented and I nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, it's kind of scary." Brian commented amused. "Umm... Darren, you have to turn on the left and there's my apartment." He indicated and I nodded. When we arrived, he smiled. "Well, it's been fun, guys. Thank you. I hope you have a good time at the Blind Pig." He said and then he opened the door.
"Yeah, hurry up, Brian. Bring some clothes to wear tonight and then we can have a snack at Darren's place before heading to the Blind Pig. We'll wait here." Jen said and we all looked at her frowning. Brian raised his eyebrows and parted his lips.
"Uh... I think you misinterpreted me, Jen. I'm not gonna join you tonight." He replied shyly.
"What? That's absurd. Freckles, go and help him choose something to wear. You can also make sure he's not gonna lock himself in his apartment." Jen said looking at Freckles and Freckles sniggered amused.
"I can totally do that." She answered enthusiastically. "Come on, Brian, move your ass."
"I really don't..." He began to complain.
"Shut up and just let's choose something cool for you to wear. Come on, hurry up!" Freckles demanded firmly.
"Fine." Brian sighed in resignation.
Brian and Freckles got out the car and I observed how Jen was looking at them with a triumphant smirk; so I looked at her very but very suspicious. What was on her mind? Why was she interested in Brian all of a sudden? And why was she smirking that way when she saw Brian and Freckles walking together?
"Okay, Jennifer, tell me what the devil is going on." I demanded, looking intently at her, narrowing my eyes in a suspicious way.
"I don't know what's going on... What's going on?" She asked, playing dumb.
"Come on, Jen! You know what Darren's talking about!" Joey exclaimed and Jen frowned and shook her head.
"Why are you treating Brian so nicely?" I asked suspiciously.
"Well, I didn't know it was a bad thing to treat someone nicely." Jen responded.
"No one said it's a bad thing... We're just saying it's weird." Joey said and I nodded in agreement.
"Why is it weird? Being nice to someone shouldn't be considered weird, being rude with someone should be considered weird." Jen replied while looking away and frowning.
"Uh, yeah... Yeah, you're right. But this morning you were saying that Brian was an asshole and now you act around him as if you're friends or some shit like that." I pointed out.
"Well, I was wrong about him." She answered while shrugging.
"Are you nice to him out of pity, Jen?" I asked suspiciously.
"Partly... But no, it's because he's gentile and polite." She responded. "And maybe because I was wrong and I feel guilty, so that I'm trying to make up for it."
"But you went for a coffee with him. Alone." Joey pointed out.
"And you're insisting him to join us everywhere." I pointed out.
"Uh, yeah... What's the big deal?" She asked confused. "I thought he was your friend as well."
"And he is." Joey answered.
"But he's not yours." I added. "So that's weird."
"What? Cannot I be friends with him too? I didn't know I need your approval for such a thing." Jen responded kind of annoyed now.
"It's not about that." Joey replied.
"Do you like him, Jen?" I asked bluntly, looking fixedly into her eyes in a suspicious way.
"Yes, I like him." She answered, shrugging indifferently.
"Really? Like... Are you attracted to him?" I asked.
"What?" Jen asked loudly, widening her eyes. "Okay, I'm getting your point, Criss..." She said painfully slowly. "I won't deny he is attractive and yes, I like him. But I like him because he seems to be a good person, not because I feel attracted to him or because I'm interested in him. Just because I'm nice to him doesn't mean that I want to get in his pants." Jen answered a bit upset. "I love Jack and I'm not interested in any guy other than Jack."
"Okay, sorry, no need to get mad. I just wanted to check." I answered.
"Fine. Besides... Brian is in love with Freckles; something that you haven't told me, by the way. You bastard!" Jen exclaimed moody.
"Hey! I just thought I wasn't the one who should tell you that. Only Freckles or Brian were allowed to say so... And well, it seems they did." I stated while shrugging.
"Yes, Brian did." Jen replied and I nodded.
"What did you talk about?" I asked very intrigued.
"Just about things." She answered while shrugging and I narrowed my eyes.
"What? Do you have secrets now?" I asked in suspicion.
"Ah, Darren! Secrets, really? Stop acting like a little kid! We just talked about several things." She responded and I nodded while sighing.
After that we all remained silent, looking through the car windows, until Freckles and Brian left the apartment and walked to the car. They got in and I drove to my apartment as they all were talking about random things. Then we had an afternoon snack with coffees and cookies as Jen was talking about her experience in NY. But I couldn't focus on what she was saying, because all that I was doing was to look at Jen and Brian, trying to decipher what they could have talked about... Mostly what Brian told Jen about Freckles. I also wanted to know what exactly was going between Jen and Brian because that was making me suspicious too; but they didn't show any kind of suspicious sign. Jen mentioned several times her boyfriend and Brian was constantly glancing at Freckles and smiling; everything as usual. After the snack we all got ready for going out, well, except Brian who was already ready.
"Alright! Let's go! I really wanna drink some beers at this Blind Pig place." Jen exclaimed excited. So that we all headed to the front door and before leaving I heard Brian talking to Freckles in a whisper.
"You look really beautiful." Brian said and Freckles giggled.
"Thank you, Brian." She answered and I glanced at her.
She indeed looked beautiful with that skin-tight white dress and that red double-breasted belted trench coat. But the most appealing were her long lashes and her furious red lips. Dammit, I should stop staring at her, but I couldn't help it, she just looked so hot. Right when I was about to shift my gaze, she said some things to Brian that I didn't mind to hear because all I was seeing now was how her lustful lips were parting in a painfully slow motion. Shit, her lips had me fully enthralled. Enough, it was enough. I shifted my gaze but then I took a peek at her and I saw how she linked her arm with Brian's. I just headed outside where Joey and Jen were. They looked at me with narrowed eyes in suspicion, so I just shrugged, playing dumb... I knew they saw me devouring Freckles with my glare, but I'd never admit it. We walked to the car and when I was getting inside, I saw how Brian was helping Freckles down the steps not to slip. Anyways, we all got in the car and Joey was the one who drove. After few minutes we were sitting at a table in The Blind Pig.
"Oh, I think I like this place." Jen said smiling brightly.
"You'll love it later. Guaranteed." Joey assured with a wink and I couldn't agree more.
"Well, I'm not sure I'm gonna love it because nightclubs in NY are the best nightclubs." She answered. "But I'll give it a chance." She said shrugging. "Well, here's the thing... One of us won't be allowed to drink alcohol so that someone can drive all of us back safely to the apartment. In view of the fact that I am new here, I won't be the person who is not consuming alcohol."
"I can't drive, so I am allowed to drink alcohol." Freckles said with a soft snicker. Then Joey and I exchanged looks.
"I won't drive!" Joey and I exclaimed in unison.
"Hey, no man, I said it first!" I said quickly.
"Bullshit! I said it first! You're driving, Darren." Joey complained.
"I won't fucking drive! You're driving, Joey!" I complained.
"I can drive." Brian suddenly said and all of us looked at him. "I can drive you to your apartment and then I can walk to my own apartment, it's not so far." He added while shrugging and we all kept staring at him in silence. "Besides, I hardly ever drink alcohol. I'll be fine just with a coke."
"What do you mean with 'I hardly ever drink alcohol'?" Jen asked while narrowing her eyes as Brian just shrugged.
"He just hardly ever drinks alcohol; it's been always like that." Freckles answered for him.
"Are you saying that you never got drunk, dude?" Joey asked stunned and Brian just shrugged and confirmed that he's never got drunk.
"What? What about the random parties you have ever attended? You never got drunk, not even tipsy?" I asked and he just looked down.
"Well, I never attended a party." He answered and I frowned. Really, man? How old was he? 20? And he never attended a party?
"Well, you surely attended any kind of party, not necessarily a kickass party..." Joey stated, but it was more like questioning. Brian just shook his head, so that we all looked down. "Then you gotta get drunk for the first time. And your first time will be today."
"Yeah, totally." Jen said while nodding.
"So... Joey, are you driving?" I asked and he shot me a withering look, yet I didn't take my words back.
"Fine, I'll drive. And you, buddy, will experiment what is to be drunk." Joey said while looking at Brian.
"I'm really not into that." Brian answered while frowning slightly. "I really prefer to drink a coke." He added and Joey, Jen and I looked at him frowning.
"Brian, it'll be fun. It's not like you'll be a drunken ever after. Besides, it's not like you have to drink too much alcohol to the point you get drunk, it's just to feel the effect for the first time. And if by chance you get drunk, you're with friends who will take care of you." Freckles suddenly spoke in a soft way as Brian looked at her and sighed.
"I think Freckles is right. And you could stay at Joey and Darren's apartment tonight, just in case you get drunk." Jen said and both Joey and I looked at her abruptly. "That is okay, right guys?" Jen asked looking at Joey and me.
"Yeah, sure. We don't have many beds, but you can sleep on the couch." Joey responded.
"Totally." I added.
"Come on, Bri." Freckles insisted and Brian sighed again.
"Fine. Just for tonight." He answered and we all cheered.
So we all ordered Long Island ice tea and Joey ordered a coke. I saw how Freckles whispered something at the bartender and he smiled and left. What the hell did she say? After few minutes, the bartender returned with our drinks and... a cake with a candle? What? We all were confused, except Freckles. When the bartender left, Freckles looked at us very excited and she clapped.
"You are surely wondering why there's a cake." Freckles began to talk and we all nodded. "Well, it turns out that it was someone's birthday about a week ago and I didn't have the chance to say happy birthday to that someone, so I thought we could celebrate it now." Freckles exclaimed loudly with a bright smile as we all looked at her confused.
"Whose birthday was it?" I asked.
"Brian's birthday!" Freckles exclaimed loudly.
Automatically, we all turned our gazes to him. He was looking down and biting his lips, as though he was uncomfortable. Oh holy crap. Why no one told me it was Brian's birthday a week ago? I didn't know it, goddammit. I was feeling kind of ashamed because I considered him as a friend, yet I didn't know when his fucking birthday was. Apparently Joey was thinking the same, judging by his facial expression. This was an awkward situation.
"So, Brian turned 21 last week and I thought we could sing happy birthday to him." Freckles said.
"You really don't have to do this." Brian suddenly spoke. "Sunny, you know I hate it. You know I hate my birthday. Besides, it was a week ago." He whispered while clenching his jaw; yet all of us could hear him.
"Well, if we're celebrating a birthday... We should totally leave these drinks for later!" I suddenly exclaimed because I was feeling bad for Brian. Now all the gazes turned to me. I called the bartender. "Can you bring us a bottle of champagne?" I asked.
"Sure." He answered and few minutes later he returned with the best champagne. "The champagne is on the house." He said placing the 5 glasses on the table and pouring champagne on them. What? This never happened before. Sure, all of us were really stunned. "Enjoy the birthday." He said with a polite nod in Brian's direction and then he left.
"Well, you're allowed to drink just this glass of champagne, Joey, because we have to make a toast!" I exclaimed loudly as Brian was like shocked.
"But first..." Freckles said while pulling a lighter out her purse. "We have to sing happy birthday and Brian has to make a wish and blow out the candles!" Freckles exclaimed joyfully while lighting the candle. I noticed how Brian frowned and looked down, uncomfortable and puzzled.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..." Freckles, Joey, Jen and I started singing loudly while clapping. Then people around looked at us and some of them stood up and started singing and clapping as well. "Happy birthday dear Brian..."
We sang as people kept singing along with us. Even more people joined and stood up around our table. I glanced at Brian and I noticed he was with eyes wide open, parted lips and raised eyebrows in astonishment, looking all around. Surely he could not understand why strangers were crowded around the table singing happy birthday to him. For a moment I thought he wasn't enjoying this because he was just too perplexed, but then a slight smile spread across his face as he looked at the cake and the candle.
"Happy birthday to you!"
Everybody in the nightclub, it really seemed it was everybody, sang, clapped and cheered. Freckles ruffled Brian's hair as he laughed and blew out the candle. Again, everybody cheered and even some strangers patted his back as he nodded with a bright smile. Then Brian looked at Freckles straight in her eye and muttered 'Thanks' as she leaned and gave him a small kiss on his cheek.
"Well, it's time to make the toast!" I exclaimed while standing up and raising my glass. Jen, Joey and Freckles also stood up and raised their glasses. "Freckles, would you have the honor to say a few words?" I proposed, considering she was his best friend.
"Of course." She responded with a wide smile and then she looked at Brian deeply into his eyes. "How can you thank someone for the thousands of things they have done for you day in and day out? You are one of a kind, so full of love and joy. You have been such a delight to everyone here today. Having you in our lives is such a blessing. You're one of the most generous, hospitable, encouraging and kindest people I know. You are a very precious person. As we celebrate your birthday, I hope we can show you how much we appreciate everything you do for us." She said sweetly as Brian was looking at her with a kind smile and bright eyes. "On your special day, I would like to make a toast. It goes not just to the real friend you are, but also to another year filled with fine times, magical adventures and great memories! I raise a toast not just to your birthday, but also to our friendship. I'm glad I found someone like you, whom I can call a true friend. So, today and every day, may all your joys be pure joys and all your pain champagne." She exclaimed with an amused smirk, so that all of us laughed, including Brian. Then she raised her glass. "Glass held high to a man who is a true inspiration to the rest of us. Happy birthday, Brian!" She exclaimed loudly while waving her glass to all, then clinked Brian's glass as he was looking at her with bright eyes as though he was touched by her words. Then we all clinked our glass with Brian's and we all sipped our drinks.
"I'll say some words too." Joey said and we looked at him. He poured the glasses with champagne again, then raised his glass. "On behalf of all your friends here for your birthday: here's to the brilliant, warm, handsome...company that you keep. Just kidding..." He said and of course everybody laughed. "Cool, friendly, clever, beautiful... but enough about me. Here's a birthday toast to you, bro!" Joey exclaimed loudly, clinking his glass with Brian's as he was laughing loudly. We all drank our champagne. Joey and his toasts were the best, man.
"Well, my turn to say some words." I said pouring the glasses with champagne again. I raised my glass and I looked at Brian who was now overflowing with joy. "You're not as young as you used to be. But...You're not as old as you're going to be; so enjoy your special day. To a great birthday, a great year and a great guy! May this day be your greatest! Have a mind-blowing birthday, buddy! Cheers!" I exclaimed while clinking my glass with his and again, we all drank our champagne.
"Well, I wanna say some things too, even if we don't know each other so well." Jen suddenly said and we all looked at her surprised. I didn't see that coming. She poured the glasses very delicately and then raised her glass and smiled at Brian. "If you're feeling a little down about your life at this juncture, adhere to the words of Mark Twain, no slouch in the life department: Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. May the clouds in your life be only a background for a lovely sunset. Here's to your birthday!" She said and Brian looked at her, smiled and nodded thankfully. Yeah, of course Jen would say something clever like quoting someone. They clinked their glasses and we all drank our champagne.
"Okay…" Brian suddenly said and he silently poured all the glasses with champagne as we all looked at him confused. He looked up, raised his glass and smiled at all of us. "It's my birthday… Well, it was my birthday… so I would like to say a few words to you, too." He said and we all looked at him curiously. "To all my friends, who know the worst about me but refuse to believe it. Thank you very much for doing this, guys." He said with a thankful and wide grin while waving his glass to all.
We all clinked his glass and drank the entire glass of champagne in one shot. Then we left the glasses on the table and all of us ran to Brian to give him a group hug. We were patting his back and arms, ruffling his hair, pulling on his earlobe for each year he's been alive, as a real group hug, while he was chortling loudly.
"Okay, stop, stop!" He exclaimed in between giggles, so we all stepped back. "Who's the one who pinched my ass?" He asked and Joey burst out laughing.
"Oh, that was me. I couldn't resist the temptation." Joey answered and all of us laughed out loud.
"Happy birthday, man." I said while patting and squeezing his shoulder.
"Happy birthday my very best and adorable friend." Freckles said while standing on tip toe to peck his cheek while throwing her arms around his neck as Brian placed a hand on her waist and looked at her with one radiant smile.
"Thank you, Sunny, for making one of my birthdays worth being remembered." I heard Brian whispering as Freckles smiled and hugged him.
"I'm sorry it was a belated celebration." She whispered as Jen and Joey sat on their respective seats. I also returned to my seat and I kept looking at them.
"It doesn't matter. It is still a celebration and you know I never got it. Thanks." He whispered and kissed her forehead before they parted and sat. Well, I kinda felt bad for him.
We finished the bottle of champagne, well, except Joey who was drinking his coke. Those were like 7 glasses of champagne for each, so go figure... Jen, Freckles, Brian and I were already tipsy. I was very intrigued to know what kind of tipsy person Brian was... I knew Jen was like the one who laughs and jokes all the time; Freckles was like the one who is most likely to pull out her sexy side and make body shots and dance wildly, judging by the way she acted at the frat party; and I was the one who just wanted to go on stage, sing and talk nonsense. But Brian? I wasn't seeing anything weird yet; only that his cheeks were very rosy, his hair was disheveled and he was laughing and talking more than usual. Then we all decided to taste the Long Island ice tea. When we took a sip, I didn't know what happened to others, but my throat literally burned.
"Holy crap! What the hell is this fucking shit?" Brian exclaimed while coughing.
We all looked at him stunned, with eyes wide open and parted lips; but then we burst out laughing. He never cursed so much, so it was hilarious. Maybe that was his tipsy type. He was rubbing his throat and frowning while looking at his drink.
"Long Island ice tea, my friend. Vodka, tequila, white rum, gin, triple sec, sweet & sour mix, and a splash cola." I answered while laughing.
"What the actual fuck, man? This is gonna fucking kill me!" Brian exclaimed, leaving the drink on the table. "I won't drink that shit because I'm already a little bit dizzy and I don't wanna get smashed. Goddammit."
"Drink the whole shit, Brian Thomas Clerk! Or you will have to drink two more of those as a punishment!" Freckles exclaimed almost yelling, with her cheeks totally flushed. I forgot she was kind of bossy when tipsy.
"Hell yeah! Drink it, Brian!" Jen exclaimed while laughing boisterously.
"Oh, man! I cannot believe I am missing the fun!" Joey complained while sipping his coke.
"Drink, drink, drink! We're celebrating your birthday, dude! So you gotta down that drink!" I exclaimed very loudly as Brian sipped his drink again and frowned.
"Ah, shit!" He screamed while rubbing his throat. "That fucking burned!" He complained, yet he took a longer sip of his drink this time. "Fuck!"
"This is gonna be a real riot!" I exclaimed while laughing and everybody laughed along with me. "Get down that booze, pal!" I encouraged and I saw how Brian drank the whole drink in only one shot as we all were looking at him astonished. "You fucking did it!"
"Dammit, I'm gonna die." Brian spoke with shrill voice, coughing and rubbing his throat.
"I'm blown away by Brian's ability to fucking drink that booze like a boss, man!" Joey exclaimed very impressed, looking at him with eyes wide open.
"How do you feel?" Freckles asked slowly, looking fixedly into Brian's eyes.
"I'm totally hyped up! Hey, you!" Brian yelled at one random bartender. "Bring us another round of this booze!" He yelled and we all looked at him stunned. Seriously, man? The guy who hardly ever drank alcohol was asking for more drinks. No one complained, though. "Come on, guys! Get down your drinks so we can have more!" He insisted and we all giggled and did what he asked.
So like that our night began. Each one of us, except Joey, got two more of those drinks. By this time, all of us were laughing at stupid and senseless things and I guess we all were feeling that it was very hot in this place. We wouldn't stop talking about hundreds of things all at once as Joey was looking at us very amused, surely enjoying our very tipsy condition.
"Hey, Freckles!" Jen suddenly shouted. "I heard you're a good singer now! You gotta prove it, girl!"
"Oh, she's fucking amazing. Like seriously, she can kill ever damn guy in a room just watching at her moving and singing on stage." Brian responded while slurring his words. Of course everybody looked at him raising eyebrows, even Freckles. "Like... guys would get boners and ladies' ovaries would explode." He added and we all parted our lips. Was this Brian talking? Did he really say that? Joey burst out laughing and I also laughed... But Freckles remained looking at him puzzled.
"Okay, darling... I think it's time for you to stop drinking." Freckles said while taking his drink away. I saw how Brian moved his face closer to hers with a mischievous smirk.
"I love it when you call me darling." He intended to whisper but it sounded loud and slurred. "You're a knockout, did you know that? You're totally bangable." He added while looking at her lips and placing his hand on the nape of her neck to pull her closer as Freckles froze and widened her eyes.
Alright, I was totally wrong about Brian. He was not the kind of person who cursed while being drunk; he was the unleashed I-will-fuck-you-with-my-gaze-and-flirt-with-you-shamelessly sassy guy type. Seriously, he was a shy guy; but he looked none like that right now. I think I've never seen him flirting before. He was so gonna regret in the morning. Jen, Joey and I were perplexed, looking at this situation, very unsure of what he could do now.
"Alright..." Freckles said while moving Brian's hand away. "No more drinks for you." She stated firmly. "So... Yes, I'm an amazing singer now." She said with an amused smirk, looking at Jen.
"Oh, so conceited." I commented amused and she looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "You're a good singer, I won't deny it. But I am still better than you."
"Who's the conceited now, eh?" She asked provocatively. "I'm pretty sure I am better than you, Criss."
"Oh-oh!" Joey exclaimed and giggled. "This is gonna be fun." He voiced while looking at me and Freckles very intently.
"You'll never be better than me, sweetie. I was born for this." I replied in a very amused way.
"I am way better than you now. And I dare you to prove me wrong." She said challenging.
"I will prove you wrong. Right now, that stage is waiting for us. I will sing one song and you'll sing another one. The one who gets more applause is the one who wins." I responded, also looking at her in a challenging way.
"What's for the winner? Because every good competence must have some kind of reward and if you're so sure that you will win, then you must not be afraid to bet something." Freckles said very provocatively, looking so fiercely into my eyes that I swear I had to make a big effort not to feel turned on.
"The one who loses has to pay a new round of drinks for all of us." I said and Freckles hesitated.
"Deal." Freckles said and I smirked. "You go first. I'll watch you from here."
"Alright, then. Guys..." I said looking at Joey, Jen and Brian. "You'll be the jury. You'll have to say who of us got more applause, okay?"
"Okay, just go there, Darren!" Jen exclaimed eagerly.
I walked firmly to the stage, feeling more self-confident than ever, very excited to sing something. It was time for me to rock it, and that always made me hyper. I took the electric bass and I walked to the microphone. I looked at the whole audience. The place was already too crowded and that was totally cool.
"Hey, people!" I greeted and waited till everyone got silent and looked at my direction. "I was thinking that this place needs a little rock n' roll to make this night a fucking blowout night! What do you think?" I asked with my entire attitude as people cheered, so I took it as a positive sign. "So get up and sing with me! Let's rock and roll!" I screamed and people did what I said.
That was great. I looked at the audience, I smirked and I began to play the bass. People recognized the song, so I smirked again. Fuck yeah, I was ready to rock this shit.
This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down
"Come on, sing with me, guys!" I screamed while pointing the microphone to the audience.
It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
The whole audience sang out loud and I was nodding and singing, super excited, still playing the bass. Everybody was now standing up and throwing their fists up. I looked right to where Freckles was. She was also singing out loud and throwing her fist in the air; just as Jen, Joey and Brian were doing. As for me, I was really feeling like a rock star. This was totally awesome.
It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life!
I finished singing while kneeling on the floor of the stage, playing the last chords of the song. It was crazy when people cheered, clapped and threw their fists in the air when I finished singing. This was insane! I stood up and looked at the audience again, running a hand over my forehead because I was sweating. I was totally gonna win Freckles.
"Thank you, guys! You totally rock! Huzzah!" I shouted and they cheered again.
I walked out the stage and I walked to where our table was, with a cocky smirk. Yeah, man, I was totally proud of myself. The way people sang the whole song along with me as though they were having a fucking great time was totally awesome. I reached Freckles, I looked at her straight in the eye, and I smirked in a naughty way.
"I hope you have a kickass song prepared, otherwise you're totally screwed." I said in a sassy way. "You have so little chances to beat me, Freckles."
"Oh, shut the fuck up. I'm gonna kick your ass, Criss." Freckles said very competitively, also smirking in a cocky way. "Be ready to be defeated, Criss; and watch what it is like to shine on a stage." She said and she stood up.
I sat on my chair, I crossed my arms still with that cocky smirk and I observed how she walked to the stage in that very hot white dress. Well, I wouldn't deny she walked with determination. She whispered something to the man who played the piano and then she walked to the microphone. She looked at the whole audience and she smiled brightly.
"Hello, guys! How are you doing tonight, eh?" She asked and people answered, of course, they were still hyper because of the song I recently sang. "Let's all thank my friend Darren who sang such a great song!" She said and looked at me in a mischievous way. People looked at my direction and cheered again, so I nodded in a thankful way. "However, I am here to prove that we don't necessarily need a rock song to have a fucking great time. What do you think, guys? Should I sing something completely different to prove that it's not the song but the attitude what matters?" She asked and people cheered, agreeing. She looked at me and winked. Fuck, she knew how to play dirty and provoke me. Nonetheless, I wouldn't deny she had a great presence on stage and she definitely knew how to introduce herself. "Great! Just let's get started!" She screamed and people cheered again. The piano man began to play something I recognized, but not completely.
There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever
She began to sing while looking down with a distressed face. She was actually acting the song while singing. And I couldn't believe she picked that song. She shouldn't have picked that song. It was Celine Dion, man. No one in the fucking planet was able to sing a Celine Dion song and rock it. She was so screwed. She was not gonna get it, she was not gonna be capable of hitting and sustaining high notes for long amounts of time and make it sound natural. Stupid Freckles! She just lost.
"Celine Dion song? Oh goodness." Jen whispered stunned.
"How brave!" Joey commented.
"She's gonna fuck it up." I commented while shaking my head.
"If I were you, Darren, I wouldn't say it. She's gonna leave you speechless. She'll totally rock that song, you'll see." Brian responded with an amused smile, then turned his gaze to Freckles.
Yeah, sure, he was just saying that because he was in love with her so he just admired everything of her. But I was absolutely sure that she would screw it up and people would not like it at all, because she was not Celine Dion. She was a good singer, yeah, but she could not get something this level. Nevertheless, I observed at her again. She sure had a fucking great stage presence, and she was acting it which added some points... But just, no. She made a dramatic pause and then looked fixedly at the audience, with a very vehement glare.
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
'Woo-hoo' I heard the audience yelling, but not so loudly. Then she looked down and smiled in a very pleasant way, placing her hand under her breast.
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
It's all coming back
It's all coming back to me now
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby
She sang and people cheered again. I raised my eyebrows slightly, just slightly. She looked straight at the audience and smiled brightly. One thing I wouldn't deny: She looked fantastic on stage. She had some attitude to be standing there alone as though she was freaking enjoying to sing this song.
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back
She sang, hitting the high note and sustaining it; and this time I raised my eyebrows because... Holy fuck! People who were sitting stood up and clapped and people who were already standing cheered loudly. I saw Joey, Jen and Brian standing up and cheering. And I couldn't help standing up as well.
"What the fuck?" I yelled very loudly and Brian looked at me and laughed.
"Told you. And wait... There's more." He commented as I was shaking my head.
Freckles was smiling as brightly as never before, looking at the whole audience. She walked out the stage and started to sing in between the people, always looking at them in a fervid way and always smiling radiantly. Shit! She fucking knew how to rock this shit! Singing amid the audience? That was totally cool.
There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
"Oh crap!" I yelled again, totally amazed, with my eyes wide open and parted lips.
The whole audience cheered again, apparently also amazed. Freckles looked down and smiled, still in the middle of the audience. She looked up and kept walking, singing to certain people who were near her.
But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
It's all coming back
It's all coming back to me now
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby
Fuck, no this was not possible! She smiled very brightly and returned to the stage, running. She stood in the middle of the stage and looked fixedly at the audience with all her splendor and attitude. Hell, she was shining! It was obvious she loved performing songs because she was doing it very passionately.
When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
She sang, throwing her head back and extending the arm with which wasn't holding the microphone. I could swear her voice echoed and in that very moment she dazzled absolutely everyone in the nightclub. She fucking got the highest note and she fucking sustained it and it sounded so damn natural that I was completely blown away! I dropped my jaw.
"Fuck my life! What the hell was that?" I yelled my lungs out, completely stunned as I cheered very loudly.
By this time, the entire audience, literally everybody, was standing up, cheering very loudly, clapping and shaking their heads, obviously they were also blown away. Fuck, she took everybody's breath away. Jen, Joey and Brian were with eyes wide open and open-mouthed, also cheering very loudly and with huge smiles on their faces. Jen was even covering her mouth now. Freckles made a dramatic pause, looked down and smiled slightly, now singing almost in a whisper with that fucking amazing voice she had.
If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me now.
And if we...
She finished singing in a whisper, smiling brightly and looking down. For few seconds, there was an abysmal silence. But when she looked up, people cheered, clapped and yelled the loudest I have ever heard. Her eyes twinkled when she saw this and she smiled very brightly, she even giggled. Jen, Joey and Brian were the ones who were cheering the loudest. I was speechless, I was stunned, I was blown away; she totally took my breath away. Goddammit, she fucking got it. She hit the highest notes, she sustained them, she shone on that stage. She was definitely at that level. She sang passionately and she interacted with the audience... She was a fucking amazing performer and I didn't know this of her. I could definitely consider myself as defeated.
"Thank you very much, really." She said in a very humble way as people began to ask for other song, so she giggled. "Maybe later, guys!" She said and she left the microphone and walked to the piano man to thank him.
"Holy fuck, man. What is she?" I voiced very puzzled.
"Crap! That was the most awesome performance I've ever seen. I didn't know she was that good." Jen commented.
"I'm pretty sure that Freckles is not human." Joey stated while looking at Freckles very amazed.
"She shone." Brian simply whispered and I looked at him. He was looking at Freckles as though he was mesmerized, completely admiring her, with a proud grin.
"I couldn't agree more, buddy." I said while patting Brian's shoulder.
We all sat and observed Freckles while she was trying to walk towards where we were; but she was constantly stopped by people who wanted to congratulate her or tell her some things, surely about her performance; and of course there were the typical assholes who were trying to seduce her, but good thing was that she knew how to stop them in a polite way. After long minutes, she finally arrived and she smiled brightly, showing all her teeth and rocking.
"So?" She asked. She was hyper. "What will the jury decide?" She asked while standing behind Brian, placing her hands on his shoulders as Brian turned his face and smiled.
"I'm sorry, Dare… I love you and I love your singing and you were stupendous…" Jen started saying while pouting and then looked at Freckles. "But Freckles… You were extraordinary! You surprised me and just… What a voice!" Jen exclaimed as though she was fangirling, so Freckles chuckled and thanked her. "I think Freckles got more applause."
"Freckles… Are you even human?" Joey asked and we all burst out laughing.
"I think I am." She responded while pinching her arm. "Yeah, I think I am."
"Good thing, otherwise you'd be disqualified from the competition. Yes, Freckles is the one who got more applause. I'm sorry, buddy…" He said looking at me. "Freckles… I'm a big fan. Your biggest fan, okay?" Joey said looking fixedly at her and we all laughed again.
"Yes, she got more applause than you, Darren. Yet, you were really good and you rocked the song. We all had a great time." Brian said, slurring his words and looking at me. He was totally blitzed. He turned his face so that he was now looking at Freckles, and he placed a hand above hers. "You were mind-bending. You're overflowing with talent and you absolutely shone. You have no idea how radiant, grandiose, self-confident, exceptional and sexy you looked on stage. I strongly believe you stole everybody's heart." Brian flattered her in a very excessive way. Freckles raised her eyebrows and parted her lips, then she chuckled a bit uncomfortable as she moved her hands away from his shoulders.
"Well, Freckles... Since you got out the stage and after hearing you sing the whole song... I must admit you totally suck." I joked and she narrowed her eyes, yet kept smiling amused. "You totally suck because now I have to pay the next round of drinks, because you totally proved me wrong. I kneel before you." I said gesturing with my head. "You're a talented performer and I know you'll have a brilliant future, because if there's one thing I noticed it's that performing is your passion and fills you with absolute joy. Everybody noticed it." I said and she grinned sweetly.
"Thank you, Darren. You were also really good. To be honest, I was afraid I could not win you." She said and I thanked.
"Well, let's keep drinking! I pay." I said laughing and Freckles sat next to me and next to Brian.
So I called the bartender, but this time I wanted to taste another drink called Mojito that apparently had white rum, sugar, lime juice, sparkling water, and mint. I ordered 4 mojitos and a coke for Joey. We all drank those and I fucking loved it, so I invited them a second round of mojitos. Then a third and a fourth round. Alright, I was definitely dizzy and tipsy. 7 glasses of champagne, 3 Long Island ice tea drinks and 4 mojitos. Of course I was feeling tipsy, dammit. I decided not to drink anything else for the rest of the night. I looked at my friends and they were also tipsy, except Joey who was looking at us amused and was recording us with his phone... That asshole was going to upload them on YouTube or something, I was sure.
"I feel so weird." Brian suddenly stated.
He was with his gaze kinda lost, frowning slightly as we all burst out laughing; like we laughed louder than normal; but the effect of alcohol was making us laugh for nothing.
"My whole body feels a little numb." He kept saying while moving his hands and observing them, moving his head closer to them. "And everything seems a little bit fuzzy." He said while frowning and moving his face away from his hands. We looked at him and laughed out loud as Joey was snickering and recording him.
"Hey, Brian!" Joey called up, pointing his phone to him, and Brian looked at him. "Hey, buddy, tell me how you feel."
"Almost seems as if I am a spectator of my own actions. Things seem slow-mo. It's like I'm listening to my brain but my body isn't listening to my brain." He answered still frowning and then he giggled. "I feel like I just went on a child's merry-go-round for an hour, man." He said while giggling as we all were laughing boisterously and Joey was chuckling.
"Let's try something, buddy. Try to send me a text message." Joey said and Brian nodded. Then he fumbled in his jacket for his phone and frowned; he looked on the table and it seemed he couldn't find it.
"Why is it really hard to find my stuff?" He asked and finally fumbled in his jeans pockets. "Oh, here it is! Umm... Password... Umm... I can't remember... Oh, yeah, yeah, I know." He said and finally unblocked his phone. Then he looked at his phone frowning and blinking several times, moving it closer to his eyes and blinking again. "Whoa, man! My vision is so blurred I can't read or type out any message. I can't focus, man, I'm seeing double!" He exclaimed kinda disturbed and we all laughed.
"Hey, Joey, stop! You'll make him feel panicked." Jen suddenly commented a little bit serious and Joey nodded and put his phone aside.
"I am so woozy." He said frowning but then he started giggling. "I really like this song." He said and bop his head a little to the left and right.
"What if we go to the dance floor, guys?" I proposed and they all nodded excited.
We stood up and headed to there, but I observed Brian when he stood up and placed his hands on the table, perhaps to maintain the balance. He was feeling off balance, I knew that. I walked to him and I placed my hand on his shoulder.
"Everything okay, buddy? Do you wanna stay here instead?" I asked and he shook his head.
"No, I wanna dance." He said surefire and then looked at me and sniggered. "We're here to have fun, right?" He asked and I nodded.
"Then let's have a blast, pal!" I exclaimed and he nodded.
We walked to where Joey, Jen and Freckles were already dancing and we joined them. It was being pretty fun and it was quite funny to see Brian dancing in an oh so very uninhibited way; he seemed to be crazy, throwing his fist up in the air, moving his head up and down and jumping around like he just didn't care. Was this Brian? Like, really, man? He was always the reserved guy, the one who knew how to behave in a polite way, the most 'normal' in the group; but now he was like the wildest and most insane guy between all of us. However, I wouldn't deny he knew how to bust a move, even if his moves were a little bit clumsy and wobbly because of the alcohol.
"Hey, nice footwork, bro!" Joey suddenly exclaimed while looking at Brian.
Brian just looked at Joey and laughed, now moving his head to the left and right, still jumping. We all were just very entertained looking at him dancing and being so outgoing like never before. It seemed he was really having a blast, which was cool. Then the song changed and he stopped to recover his breath a little and looked at Freckles straight in the eye with a mischievous smirk. Oh, not again... the 'I-will-fuck-you-with-my-gaze-and-flirt-with-you-shamelessly' look. Freckles was distracted, laughing and dancing with Jen, so she didn't see him walking towards her. He stood behind her and placed his hands firmly on her waist; she got surprised and turned her face to find him looking at her in a seductive way, she giggled a bit uncomfortable; but it seemed that Brian didn't notice she was not feeling so comfortable, because he made her turn around so they were now face to face. And like this, Brian began to dance with Freckles. He was very close to her, still dancing to the music, placing his hands on her waist as Freckles just had her arms on her sides. Brian was looking deeply into her eyes, but Freckles was looking everywhere but at Brian; it was obvious she didn't want to look at him. He made her spin several times while laughing, so Freckles finally relaxed and laughed when she realized it was just a playful and innocent dance. Thankfully.
"Hey! It seems someone stole my dance partner." Jen suddenly said giggling when she reached me and Joey.
"Then, dance with us." Joey said and Jen nodded.
"And be grateful because you'll be dancing with the hottest guys in the venue." I added jokingly, so Jen laughed out loud.
"Uh, I think you should be grateful because you'll be dancing with the hottest girl around." Jen joked so Joey and I cackled.
Jen, Joey and I started dancing maybe as wild as Brian was dancing minutes ago; so we were having real fun. This was a ball! I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun and it was great to be dancing with Joey and Jen.
"This beat is off the hizzle, man!" I shouted while jumping and laughing.
"Totally!" Jen yelled while throwing her fist up in the air.
We kept rocking the song, dancing like never before until my gaze shifted to where Freckles and Brian were. Brian was now placing his hands on her hips, he pulled her closer to him and he had his face very close to her as she was looking away, very uncomfortable, apparently trying to get away from there.
"They're so close." Jen suddenly said and I noticed she was looking at them as well.
"Should we stop Brian?" Joey hesitated. "I mean, I'm sure he's gonna regret in the morning. He's just not acting like himself."
"Freckles looks uncomfortable. Maybe we should stop him." Jen commented.
But no one moved, the three of us just remained looking at them. Brian was now running his hands over Freckles' sides and his body was almost pressed against her body. I saw how Freckles struggled to get away from him, but Brian was holding her too tightly. He was now whispering some things in her ear and Freckles didn't look contented; he was probably flirting with her with no filter. Then Brian moved one hand and placed it on the back of her head, pulling her head to his; and he placed his other hand on her lower back. Oh-oh, this didn't look so good. I knew this wouldn't end in a good way; but I couldn't move from where I was; I was just too shocked looking at Brian acting that way. He was really out of himself and I didn't like this so much. He tilted his head and moved it to Freckles' neck; he smooched her neck as he moved his hand right to her ass. What the hell? This time Freckles pushed him rudely, looked at him in a rage and she slapped him hard. Jen, Joey and I gasped and widened our eyes in shock as Brian was looking down, still with his head turned to one side because of the slap. Then he looked at her kind of hurt and she just looked at him furiously before walking away to the ladies restroom. This was something I was certainly not expecting. Brian leaned his back against a pillar while rubbing his cheek.
"Wow." Jen gasped again.
"Dude, that surely hurt." Joey exclaimed while biting his lower lip, still stunned.
I didn't comment anything at all. Although I didn't like the way Brian was acting around Freckles, I knew it was only because he was totally drunk. So I walked to where Brian was and I placed a hand on his shoulder. He did not look at me, though.
"Hey, buddy, are you okay?" I asked gently as he shook his head and ran a hand over his face.
"I'm feeling so dizzy and fuzzy." He said weakly, slurring his words. Then he leaned his torso, resting his hands on his knees.
"Hey, do you wanna sit, buddy?" I asked and he shook his head, but then he began to strain and retch. "Hey, man, let's go to the restroom, okay?" I said and he just nodded.
He tried to stand upright, but he wobbled, so I held him. Dammit, I needed some kind of help, he was like a huge dude. Yet, I managed to keep him standing. I led him to the restroom as he was wrapping an arm around me as a way to maintain his balance. He wouldn't stop retching. When we entered the restroom, all the bathroom stalls were occupied. Dammit! I began to knock them because Brian was already pale, he could poke on me at any moment.
"Hey, I need a stall! Come on!" I yelled.
Suddenly a dude got out and looked at me and Brian with a disgusted expression. Screw that dude. I led Brian to the stall and I made him kneel. He placed his hands on the toilet and pointed his head to the bowl; yet he did not throw up.
"Come on, mate. You'll feel better if you throw up." I said while rubbing his back to help him vomit. He retched again, but nothing more than that. "Come on, you can do it."
I kept rubbing his back until he finally threw up. I looked away, yet I stayed next to him. Some dudes were looking at us very disgusted as if they were looking some kind of monster or something.
"What? You've never been in this situation? Get on your own business." I said leering at them and they just looked away.
I kept rubbing Brian's back until it seemed he was done, then I helped him stand up and I pressed the flush handle. I led him to the lavatories and I told him to wash his mouth and face and he did so. Then I handed him toilet paper so he could dry his face.
"Are you feeling any better?" I asked softly, looking intently at him as he just nodded; yet his gaze was kinda fuddled. "Look at me." I requested gently and he tried to do it, but he just couldn't focus his sight. "Okay, we'll go to the table and you'll wait there till I find the guys, then we'll return to the apartment." I said and he shook his head.
"No, I don't wanna screw your night." He said while looking down, dropping his weight on the lavatory.
"You won't. It's late anyway, and we should return." I answered. "Come on, let's go." I said and he nodded.
"I'm sorry... This wasn't supposed to happen." He said slurring his words.
"Don't apologize. We all had fun, right?" I asked and he just shrugged. "Let's go." I said again and he nodded.
I helped him walk to the table where we were before dancing and I asked him to wait for me right there. He nodded weakly. I knew he wouldn't move because he just seemed to be very dizzy and weak to walk. I looked around to find the guys and I saw Jen, Joey and Freckles dancing. I walked straight to Freckles, feeling a bit upset to be honest. I took her by the elbow and she laughed when she saw me; she was happy as though nothing happened.
"Why did you slap him, Freckles?" I asked a bit annoyed, then her smile vanished.
"He deserved it. He was whispering me some dirty things, he touched my ass and he smooched my neck!" Freckles answered also a bit annoyed. "I was uncomfortable and he wouldn't let me go."
"He is drunk, Freckles!" I answered back.
"So what? Do you have any idea how creepy it feels when your best friend tells you he wants to kiss you all night long?" She asked while narrowing her eyes.
"Oh, come on! Is that the dirtiest he told you?" I asked and she looked away, clenched her jaw and crossed her arms. That only meant that I was right. "I'm pretty sure other guys told you dirtier things than that. And that's not even dirty! He's in love with you, Freckles... Of course he wants to kiss you."
"Well, guess what? It's creepy the fact that your best friend is in love with you. I hate it." She said and I looked at her in disbelief.
"But you knew he is love with you! You knew it, Freckles, and I want to remind you that you told him that you could keep being best friends! He's not gonna stop loving you all of a sudden, that's impossible! You have to understand that he needs time and you should have known that you'd have to deal with something like this. As I see it, he always respected you..." I started saying annoyed but she interrupted me.
"Always respected me? He fucking touched my ass and he smooched my neck! I even think I have a hickey right now!" She yelled angry as Joey and Jen were looking at us puzzled.
"Shut the fuck up, Freckles! They guy always respected you! He's been in love with you since years yet he never did anything to you, he never touched you, he never kissed you, he never flirted with you! And for a guy it's so fucking hard not to flirt and seduce the person he loves!" I yelled, also furious. "And when he, for the first time in his fucking life, decides to flirt a little with you as any other guy would do, tells you that he wants to kiss you instead of telling you he wants to fuck you as any asshole would tell you; you slap him! The guy was just trying to do what any other normal guy would do! And he is drunk! He's fucking drunk and you knew it, you knew he's not so conscious of the actions he does; yet you slapped him so damn hard! He did not deserve it, Freckles!" I said very choleric.
"Yes, he did deserve it!" She yelled madly.
"Why? Tell me why! Because he just wanted to get one fucking kiss from the person he loves since years? Because for once in his life he was feeling good enough to be worthy of you? Tell me how many assholes who only wanted sex with you have pushed you against a wall and touched and smooched you with no respect and you didn't slap them, but you slapped one guy who loves you for real and who only touched your ass for few seconds, eh?" I yelled out of myself, feeling very rabid.
Freckles was just looking at me furiously, but she looked down and clenched her jaw; she knew I was right. Meanwhile, Joey and Jen were looking down, biting their lips as if they were feeling uncomfortable. Other people were looking at us as well, but I didn't give a shit. I didn't even know why I was defending Brian this way if I didn't like the way he was flirting with Freckles. Maybe because I felt really bad for him and I finally understood how damn hard this was for him, to be close to the person he loves and never do anything about for respect and when he decided to try to get one damn kiss he was slapped. Yeah, I totally felt bad for him because I wouldn't like to be in his place.
"We are leaving this place. Brian is not feeling good and I'll take him to my apartment. And Freckles, if you don't feel comfortable of sleeping in the same apartment than him, you can go to your dorm room, because Brian is coming with me." I stated angry and then I turned around.
"Darren, calm down." Jen said serious, taking me by the elbow.
"To calm down? How? If she's a fucking fake friend who tells him that she loves him and she supports him, yet she is not even able..." I started yelling again, pointing at Freckles.
"Shut up, Darren!" Jen cut me off in a very authoritative way. "You're pushing the envelope!" She said a bit upset and I bit my lips. "Yes, it was rude that she slapped him and yes, he did not deserve it. But Brian also acted wrong, he made her feel uncomfortable and he flirted with her when he swore that he only wanted her as a friend. So, this is their problem and no one other than them should mess." Jen pointed out and I huffed.
I hated to admit she was right. I glanced at Freckles and I noticed she was now shedding some silent tears. I walked towards her very slowly and I placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Freckles, I've overreacted. I still think he did not deserve that slap, but he also did his part. But in any case, I'm not one to mess in between whatever you guys have. I just want you to understand him, this is hard for him, Freckles... And he is just drunk." I said very gently and she nodded, still sobbing, though. So I pulled her into a soft hug. "We should return right now, he's not feeling good at all." I said, parting, and she nodded again, wiping her tears away.
"You were right, Darren. He did not deserve it and thank you for having the guts to tell me all of that in my face. I needed to hear that." She said and I just nodded.
Then I turned around and I walked to the table, but Brian was no longer there. I frowned and looked all around, alarmed. Where the hell could he be now? I told him not to move, goddammit! The guys noticed my face, so they all started to look for him as well.
"I'll look for him in the restroom." Joey said.
"And I'll look for him in the dance floor." Jen said.
"I'll just look over other tables and the bar." Freckles said.
"I'll just check outside." I said.
Thereby, everybody went separate ways. I headed outside and I found Brian leaning against the brick wall, sitting on the floor with his gaze lost and wrapping his arms around his legs. I walked to there and sat next to him.
"You are one elusive dude." I said while giggling.
"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I just thought that some fresh air would make me feel better; it just got worse."
"Yeah... Especially when it's very hot inside and freaking cold outside." I commented and then we remained silent.
"Have you ever felt very rejected?" He asked almost in a whisper and I looked at him sadly.
"Yeah." I answered in all honesty. Yes, when I saw Freckles again and she didn't even want to talk to me when all I was trying to do was to get close to her.
"It hurts." He whispered and I sighed.
"Yes, it does." I said, biting my lips with a blank stare.
"I hope you don't feel it again." He said and I looked at him, yet he was looking right ahead.
"And I hope the same for you, buddy." I said, patting his shoulder and he just smiled faintly.
"Unfortunately some of us, for certain reasons of life, are gonna feel rejected ever after and there are only few things that can change that fact." He said and I knew he was talking about Freckles and how she will always reject him. "But life is still cool, isn't it?"
"It really is, man. Only because this is not a good moment for you, doesn't mean it will never be." I commented and he nodded.
"But this is a good moment for me. I have a job, I may get a full scholarship, I have friends, I have my own apartment and I can pay my dad's meds. This is more than I could have asked for. So, this is probably one of my best moments." He said smiling and I bit my lips strongly. Dammit. I should stop feeling pity for him. I kept staring at him, thinking that he deserved more than that.
"Here you are!" I heard Joey's voice shouting, so I looked at him and I stood up. Then I extended my hand, so Brian took it and I helped him stand up.
"Yes, we needed fresh air." I answered as Jen and Freckles walked behind Joey. I noticed how Brian saw Freckles and he quickly looked down.
"Well, I think we are ready to go." Jen said and we all nodded.
We walked in silence to the car, Joey and Jen ahead, Freckles in the middle and Brian behind. I just tried to walk next to Brian, just in case he lost balance or something. Freckles, from time to time, looked behind, but Brian walked with his gaze down all the way. Joey sat on the driver seat and Jen on the passenger seat; Freckles was the first who got into the car and I gestured Brian to get in, but he shook his head and looked away, I frowned and sat next to Freckles and finally Brian sat next to me. The way to the apartment was very quiet and silent.
"Could you drop me to my apartment, Joey?" Brian asked, slurring his words, as Joey nodded.
"No, Joey. Brian is coming to our apartment." I said firmly.
"I don't think it'll be a good idea." Brian whispered.
"Yes, it'll be the best. Just in case you feel bad again, there will be someone. In your apartment you'll be alone and that's not good." I said determined and he just nodded and looked through the car window. However, I heard him saying 'thanks'.
We arrived to the apartment and Jen said goodnight and went to my bedroom she shared with Freckles. Joey helped me to get some blankets, a quilt and a pillow to make a sort of bed on the couch while Brian and Freckles were in the living room. Joey said goodnight and he stayed in the bedroom, completely dropping in the bed. I walked to the living room with the blankets and the pillow and I saw Freckles sitting on the couch and Brian still standing near the front door; Freckles was glancing at Brian sadly and Brian just seemed to be embarrassed, so he was looking down with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. I walked to the couch and left the blankets on the floor. Brian walked slowly to the couch, surely to help me prepare the couch, yet he remained kind of distant, still avoiding Freckles' gaze.
"I'll help you prepare the couch." Freckles offered, standing up.
"It's alright, Freckles. You can go to sleep." I responded softly.
"But I really want to..." She started saying.
"Freckles, really, go to sleep." I repeated gently. I really thought that would be the best, otherwise it'd be an awkward situation.
"Okay. Goodnight, Darren." She announced, giving me a small kiss on the cheek. Then she looked at Brian in an afflicted way. "Goodnight, Brian." She said in the distance and Brian, for the first time, looked at her.
"Goodnight and sweet dreams." Brian said softly and then he quickly looked down.
Freckles smiled faintly and she finally turned around and walked to my bedroom. When Freckles was walking away, Brian followed her with his gaze while biting his lips; and when Freckles closed the door, he looked down again. I took one of the blankets and I started to place it on the couch. Brian walked towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder, so I looked at him.
"It's okay, buddy, you can also go to sleep; I'll prepare the couch." Brian said and I frowned and shook my head.
"No, you're the guest and my mom taught me to be polite with guests." I joked while extending the blanket on the couch.
"Well, she's not here to check if you're being polite or not, right? You've been way too polite already. Just go to sleep, I can manage this." Brian said and I chuckled softly. "And thanks for all you did for me today."
"It's the least I can do for you, man." I said frankly, remembering the night he saved my life. "I'll help you prepare the couch, then I'll go to sleep." I said and so that Brian and I prepared the couch in silence. I placed the pillow on one of the extremes and then I looked at him. "If you need any other quilt or if you're feeling bad again, do not doubt to go to Joey's bedroom and wake me. You know where it is already."
"Yes, thank you a lot." Brian said politely and I nodded, patting his shoulder.
"Before leaving... Um, I know I'm not supposed to meddle... But don't be ashamed of being near Freckles... You did nothing wrong and she now understands that." I stated and he looked down and bit his lower lip.
"I acted like a real asshole. I really screwed everything up with her and her slap was a wake-up call to show me I am not doing the right thing." He whispered and I frowned.
"It's not like that. It is not wrong that you wanted to get close to her; actually it's something I believe you should have done long time ago." I responded.
"Why? It'd have had the same result. She doesn't feel the same for me, it was more than obvious that she would reject me. It was stupid of me to think I had a slight chance to be with her." He replied while sighing and shaking his head.
"You should have more faith on yourself, man; and you should start believing that you are good enough. Yeah, sometimes things don't go as we wish or sometimes people simply don't love us the way we want and that truly sucks, but that doesn't mean that you don't deserve anything, because it's not like that. You should start doing the things you want to do and you should start thinking more about yourself and not always about others, dude." I said while looking fixedly at him as he was still looking down. "Anyway, in the morning you surely won't remember any of what happened this night, but I do hope you remember this advice." I voiced while patting his back and he nodded and grinned faintly. "Goodnight, bro."
"Goodnight, buddy; and thanks again." He said and sat on the couch.
I turned around and headed to Joey's bedroom. I walked in and I saw Joey already snoring, fast asleep. I took off my shoes and, without even changing my clothes, I jumped into the bed to fall asleep right away. This was such a long night.
Next morning you woke up with a slight headache, not as terrible as the one you had after the frat party, but a headache after all. You drank too much. You slowly opened your eyes and noticed that Jen was no longer in the bedroom. You closed your eyes again and you started remembering the things that happened last night, especially the things Brian whispered in your ear while dancing.
"You're so gorgeous and sexy; and you're so beautiful inside. I know we're best friends but I love you so much it hurts. You're always in my dreams, you're always in my mind and you're always inside me. I always wished I could hold you like this, I always wished I could touch you like this, I always wished I could kiss you like this. I know we're best friends, believe me, I do... But I just wish I could kiss you all night long and just be with you, just have you every day and every night. I just wish you could be mine and let me give you everything of me, every single piece of my body and soul. It's all yours and I long for the day you'll take it. I am so in love with you."
He whispered in your ear, then he kissed your neck and moved his hand down to your ass; then the hard slap. You really thought he deserved it because he was overstepping; but then Darren said all of those things and he was right. Brian actually didn't say anything dirty as you stated; other guys told you worse things and other guys just treated you with no respect as though you were a sexual object and you never slapped them; yet you slapped Brian who really loved you. Even though you knew he was drunk and he was probably saying those things as a result of the alcohol, you slapped him. And he looked at you so hurt when you slapped him, yet you ignored it. After Darren pointed out all of those things, you were feeling regretted; you tried to talk to Brian, but he wouldn't stop avoiding your gaze and keeping distance with you, perhaps because he was ashamed or hurt. You opened your eyes again and you decided to get up. You changed your clothes, went to the bathroom to wash your face and teeth and comb your hair. You took a look in the mirror and saw the big hickey that Brian left on your neck, then you walked to the kitchen. Joey, Jen and Darren were already there, talking in whispers and having breakfast; then you glanced at the couch and you saw Brian there, still asleep.
"Good morning, guys." You voiced when you reached the breakfast bar.
"Good morning, Freckles. Do you want a coffee?" Darren offered in a whisper.
"Yes, I'd like that." You said while sitting next to Jen.
"Let me guess, you have a hangover." Joey asked in a whisper, amused.
"Yeah... But not so bad." You answered, also in a whisper because it seemed that everybody was forced to talk in whispers, maybe not to wake Brian.
"Uh, yeah... All of us have a hangover; well, except Joey, of course." Jen replied. "I don't wanna imagine the terrible hangover that Brian will have. The poor guy is gonna die. I'm glad not to be him right now."
"Here you have, Freckles; and there you have some toast and bagels." Darren said, handing you the coffee mug.
"Thank you, Dare." You grinned, sipping your coffee.
"When do you think he's gonna wake up?" Joey asked while looking at Brian.
"I don't know... By the way he drank, I'm afraid he's gonna sleep all day long." Jen answered.
"He was out of himself last night. I wasn't quite sure that was the real Brian." Joey whispered.
"Hey, guys, stop it." Darren suddenly said. "Let's not forget we're the ones who insisted him to get drunk, he didn't want it. So whatever he did last night, at some point is kind of our fault. So stop talking bullshit."
"We were just opining, man. We never said he is some sort of asshole for having been drunk. We all have been drunk at least once, right? So we all know that what he did last night was because of the alcohol. I was just saying it was weird to see Brian like that. Just that." Joey responded while shrugging.
"Whatever. Anyway, we don't have anything for lunch and I really wanna have lunch. We should go buy some groceries, Joey... We also need to buy a toothpaste, toilet paper, shampoo and soap. Oh, and also detergent and floor cleaner." Darren said and Joey nodded.
"We also need a new sponge for dishes, dude... The one we have looks totally gross." Joey replied and Darren agreed.
"Well, let's go right now, pal." Darren said.
"Do you wanna help us, ladies?" Joey asked looking at Jen and you.
"Sure!" Jen answered while standing up.
"I'll stay, if you don't mind... Just in case Brian wakes up and he doesn't know where he is." You said trying to joke.
"Yeah, that's totally fine for me." Darren replied. "Well, we'll come back soon."
They left and you took your time to finish the breakfast. When you finished, you did the dishes and glanced at the couch, he was still asleep. It was like 2 pm already, so down to the fact that he will definitely have a terrible hangover, you thought that you could prepare a breakfast for him as the one he made for you after the frat party. You prepared a tray with a glass of orange juice and with scrambled eggs; then you walked with the tray to the living room and placed it on the coffee table. You sat cross legged next to the couch and you observed him for a while. He was fast asleep, frowning slightly and snoring softly, which was weird because you never heard him snoring; his hair was completely disheveled, he had sheets marks on his face, and he was curled up in a ball. You weren't aware of how long you've been staring him, but it was long enough until he grouched and frowned, moving his head a little, then opening his eyes very slowly and blinking several times as though his eyes were heavy and he couldn't fully open them. He rubbed his eyes, still grouching and frowning, and then he pressed his fingers in his temple, grumbling with closed eyes. He half-opened his eyes as if the sunlight was hurting him and then he finally shifted his eyes and met yours.
"Hi." You whispered softly with a warm grin.
"Hi. Oh." He growled while frowning and pressing his hand on his forehead.
"How are you feeling?" You asked gently, still looking fixedly at him, even if he had his eyes closed again.
"I feel like crap. I feel like someone just hit me in the head with a brick. I wish I was dead." He answered hoarsely. Then he tried to open his eyes again, but he just squinted.
"That's called hangover." You said, trying to joke a little.
"Why are you speaking so loud?" He asked while closing his eyes again, frowning and placing his hand on his forehead again.
"I am whispering." You replied.
"It seems to me you're screaming at the top of your lungs." He growled a bit moody. "I'm sorry, it's just this terrible headache. I am so thirsty."
"It'll pass in a couple hours. And... That's the reason why I made breakfast for you." You said smiling softly, showing him the tray. He half-opened his eyes and grinned faintly when he saw it.
"Thank you, Sunny. That's so very nice of you." He said hoarsely.
"Well, you once made one for me when I had a hangover, so I'm just returning the nice gesture." You said kindly while taking the tray. "So, what if you sit, so you can have breakfast?" You asked.
He nodded and lifted his head, grouching softly because of the sudden movement; yet he managed to sit on the couch, still covered with the blankets and quilt. You carefully placed the tray on his lap and he grinned. You remained sitting on the floor while observing him having breakfast, still with half-opened eyes and disheveled hair.
"Do you remember anything of last night?" You asked intrigued and Brian frowned as he swallowed the piece of bagel he was eating.
"Just few things. It's like most of the things I remember are just inconsistent and no correlative flashbacks of images; and I can't even tell what was real and what is just in my mind. It's awful." He answered, now his voice sounding less hoarse.
"What do you remember?" You asked again and he frowned while sipping the orange juice.
"Well, we were at the Blind Pig and we were discussing about who would be the one not drinking alcohol, we agreed it'd be Joey. Then the bartender came with four drinks and a coke, and also a cake... You sang me happy birthday and you made a toast to me... Which was really nice, by the way." He said looking at you with a tender smile, so you smiled back. "Then we drank champagne and that awful drink called Long Island ice tea that literally burned my throat and stomach; yet we drank more of those. Since that moment I remember I began to feel dizzy and super weird; then Darren sang a cool rock song, but you beat him with the lovely Celine Dion song you sang. I remember everybody loved it, including me. Then... We drank other kind of drink, I don't remember which one, though... And then I just remember a series of images." He added while frowning and narrowing his eyes.
"What are those series of images?" You asked. You really wanted to know if he remembered the things he told you and the way you slapped him.
"Umm... I remember... I remember I was dancing alone and I was feeling like I didn't care about what people could be thinking about me because I was having fun... Then there's like a huge lack of memory... Right after I was dancing, the next thing I remember is me looking at the toilet and feeling like I was dying while someone, I don't know who, was rubbing my back... Then I remember I was sitting and feeling like I was choking, so I needed fresh air... I remember how I was outside and how I was feeling even worse, as though everything was blurred and the music was blaring in my head, like my head was throbbing. There's a huge lack of memory again... Because the next thing I remember is how I was looking through the car window, feeling even more dizzy and sick, seeing how everything was passing by at fast speed. Then I remember being lying on the couch with my eyes closed as I was feeling how everything was spinning and I was feeling kind of panicked. That's it, that's all I remember." He responded while frowning, apparently very disgruntled with himself. You looked at him for a while, but he was just looking down, grazing his finger on the glass.
"Do you remember any of the things you said when you were already drunk?" You asked and slowly shook his head.
"No, everything seems to be like a distant memory... Like the voices were distant and unclear. I don't remember anything." He answered and he seemed to be honest. You sighed and he looked at you.
"You remember you were dancing with me?" You asked and he shook his head. "Well, yes, we danced together... Very close." You said looking fixedly at him and he seemed to be trying to remember but apparently he couldn't. Well, he needed to know what he did. "Yeah... You were constantly trying to pull me closer to you... You kinda clutched my hips and you began to run your hands over my sides... It's like you were desperate for some kind of physical friction with me. Then you placed one hand on my lower back and other hand on my head and you kinda pulled my head to yours. Then you moved your hand down right to my ass as you smooched my neck, leaving me this hickey..." You said while tilting your head to let him see the huge hickey you had. You looked at Brian and you saw his terrified face: he was widening his eyes, raising his eyebrows, tensing his jaw and parting his lips.
"Please, tell me that's not true. Please, tell me I did not do that." He whispered with trembling voice.
"Well, you did, Brian." You answered while sighing. Yet, you didn't want to reproach him; you just wanted to tell him what happened. "And you also told me some things... You were flirting a lot with me... You said some things like I was gorgeous and sexy, that you wanted me to be yours, that you were all mine, that you wished you could hold me, touch me and kiss me all night long and that you were so in love with me." You said while looking intensely at him, even if he was now with his head pointing down, eyes closed and biting his lips.
"I am so sorry." He whispered and looked into your eyes as if he was very ashamed. "I don't remember telling you all of that... I am very sorry, Sunny... Damn!" He voiced with a moan, running his hand over his face.
"It's okay." You said while shrugging as he looked at you with shame. "I slapped you." You stated and Brian raised his eyebrows in surprise, but then nodded and looked down.
"I deserved it, I guess. I am sorry, Sunny." He said in a whisper.
"If I'm telling you this is because I thought you had to know it. And also because I realized you didn't deserve that slap." You said and he frowned and glanced at you confused. "You just flirted with me for the first time in four years and you didn't even say nasty or dirty things. You always respected me and you just touched my ass for few seconds and the hickey on the neck wasn't because you kissed me fiercely, it was just a kiss on the neck. You were just trying to be with me as you want for the first time in four years. And you did it only because you were drunk, therefore you weren't aware of your actions or words. In view of the fact that you were drunk, you actually acted in a very moderate and mild way, in regard to someone who has been in love with me since so long." You said mildly as he was looking at you stunned and confused. "It's just that sometimes I don't wanna admit the fact that you're in love with me because it just freaks me out when I think I may be hurting you when you see me and you know that we won't be more than best friends. I don't wanna hurt you." You said while looking down as your voice cracked. You noticed that Brian leaned and placed a hand on your shoulder.
"Listen, Sunny. You are not hurting me. Now, I don't quite know what I told you last night... But you mentioned I said you're gorgeous and sexy, well, yeah, I do think so. And it's also true when, regarding what you mentioned, I said that I want to hold you, touch you and kiss you, that I want you to be mine and I am all yours; I won't deny it. And it's completely true that I'm in love with you." He said with a sad smile, looking deeply into your eyes. "But that is what I wish. I am not expecting to be more than your friend. I want to be your friend. And I swear I am trying hard to stop feeling this way about you, but it's not so easy, so it might take time. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, and I don't want to make you think that you're hurting me. I came to terms with the fact that I'll never be with you long time ago and all I'm trying to do is to be your friend. I'm sorry that last night I acted like an asshole who... gave you that hickey. I am just trying to be a good friend." He said softly and you nodded and looked down. "And right now I wish I could hug you and kiss your temple as before... But maybe the best would be if we don't do those kinds of things for a while, in order to avoid some confusion and in order to not make you feel uncomfortable or awkward."
"Shut up." You said and you sat on his lap to give him a clinch. He shyly enfolded his arms around you when you rested your head on his shoulder. "Kiss my temple, Brian." You requested and he chuckled, but he did give you a small kiss on the temple. "I know you're trying hard and I want to support you. I want to keep acting as before I found out you are in love with me, because in that moment we were best friends and I knew you were acting like a best friend. I don't think that hugging, cuddling or showing affection would make us feel uncomfortable... At least not for me... Would it make you feel uncomfortable?" You asked now moving your face to look at him. He was looking deeply into your eyes with a sweet grin.
"No, it wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable." He responded and you grinned and kissed his cheek.
"Good, because I really enjoy when you're cuddling up with me." You replied while chuckling, resting your head on his chest as he giggled and began to stroke your hair.
After a while, you took the tray to the kitchen and did the dishes while Brian was in the bathroom, surely washing his face, teeth and combing his hair. By the time he left the bathroom, you were already sitting on the couch, he walked to there and reproached you because you didn't tell him he looked like a monster, and then he sat next to you. You started talking about his new job and then you heard the front door opening, so both of you looked in that direction.
"I told you, I fucking told you that we were forgetting something!" You heard Darren complaining while entering with lots of plastic bags.
"Well, you shouldn't have listened to me, then." Joey answered, also entering with lots of plastic bags.
"Can you stop complaining? You wouldn't stop since we left the supermarket! It's nuts!" Jen exclaimed a bit irritated while closing the front door.
"Well, thanks to Joey now we don't have noodles!" Darren answered moody.
"Hey! You didn't remember either!" Joey grouched.
"Yeah, Darren, you'll die because you don't have noodles!" Jen snarked while chuckling and shaking her head.
"Uh, yeah... Noodles are like the daily and basic meal for college students." Darren responded while raising an eyebrow.
"Then you should have remembered it." Jen replied while shrugging.
"I'm gonna kick your ass, Jennifer." Darren threatened and you giggled softly as Brian was also looking at them amused. That was when they noticed you were there. "Hey, man, you're awake! How are you?" He asked while looking at Brian.
"Getting better." Brian answered while shrugging, with an amused grin. "Thanks for letting me stay here last night."
"No problem, buddy. Actually..." Darren said while leaving the plastic bags on the table as Joey did the same. "Joey and I were thinking..."
"That you can stay with us." Joey finished the sentence, also looking at Brian.
"Joey! Do not interrupt me! I was the one who was talking!" Darren complained.
"Whoa! Mellow out, chum. I said I'm sorry I told you that you are a hysterical woman who wants to buy more things than we need, okay?" Joey exclaimed and Darren huffed.
"You never apologized!" Darren pointed out.
"Well, I just did..." Joey said while raising his eyebrows and looking down.
"Whatever, I'll punch you later..." He said looking angry at Joey as Joey snickered. Then both Darren and Joey looked at Brian. "We were thinking you could stay in our apartment until Jen leaves... We in fact bought a new mattress that will soon be delivered, so you don't have to sleep on the couch. And well..."
"If you like the experience of living with this totally awesome and funny guy, that's me; and this totally idiot and annoying little shit, that's Darren... Maybe you can move in, we have two bedrooms and now plenty of mattresses, well... actually 5 mattresses... but count it as a plenty..." Joey interrupted Darren and Darren was now looking at him as if he was crazy. You looked at Brian and Brian was like frowning in confusion.
"Shut the fuck up, pal." Darren cut Joey off.
"How rude!" Joey exclaimed loudly, so everybody chuckled a little.
"Argh! Brian, ignore this jackass..." Darren said and Brian frowned. "All in all, what we're trying to say is that we think the place where you live now doesn't have the adequate conditions for someone who needs space and lighting to study and write as you do; thus we're offering you to move here with us." Darren said and you raised your eyebrows in surprise because of that offer. You glanced at Brian and you noticed he was a bit uncomfortable, but also amazed. "You won't have to pay expenses, it'll be all on us; and we can condition that spare desk in order to give you the space you need for your books and your laptop; and also we can fix one wardrobe we have, so that can be your own closet." Darren said and you smiled because you were thinking this was a great idea.
"And if you snore, you can share the bedroom with me; and if you don't, you can share the bedroom with Darren... Because the little shit cannot stand someone sleeping peacefully with their snores." Joey added and everybody laughed, except Brian who was stunned.
"And well, maybe we're not the best company and we tend to act like insane people... But you'll be comfortable and you'll get the space you need." Darren added.
"We promise not to freak you out with our rehearsals... And we know you'll most likely feel like some sort of asshole for not helping with the expenses and that shit, we know you'll most likely reject our offer because you feel uncomfortable... So we thought about a way you can contribute..." Joey said mysteriously with an amused smirk. "You'll cook for us, you fucking cook genius!" Joey exclaimed loudly and excitedly as everybody giggled, including Brian. "And you can also help us out with our playwriting courses and all that involves writing due to the fact you're the god of the writers."
"Yeah, and you can also help me when it's time to go shopping the groceries, in view to the fact that Joey is a sucker who forgets everything and gets entertained with a sponge pudding called Spotted Dick." Darren said and everyone looked at Joey.
"That sponge pudding was glorious, man! I wanna have a Spotted Dick right now." Joey joked and everybody burst out laughing.
"Whatever, Joey... Brian... I also think it could be cool to have you around as our personal doctor... I did not forget that you're good at that and both Joey and I are suckers when it comes to decide what kind of pill we must take when we're sick." Darren added and Brian chuckled. "So, what do you say, buddy?"
"I say that I'm still blown away by your ability to convince people." Brian answered and Darren and Joey smiled proudly. "However this time I won't take the offer. I just... I can't accept it. I really don't like it when people pay things for me, I wouldn't like at all living here while not paying anything and if I have to be realistic, I can't afford paying part of the rent of this apartment. Thanks, but... No. I can't accept the offer." He said while looking down and you saw how Darren and Joey frowned, discontented with his answer.
"I think it's a great idea." You suddenly said, looking at Brian and placing a hand on his knee. "It's not like you'll live here for free... Darren and Joey already settled a series of conditions... You'll cook, you'll help them with the things they have to write for their courses, you'll go buy the groceries... Really, you'll have to take the role as a personal cook, college assistant and doctor. Besides, you'll be living with friends and not alone, and that's always something good."
"No... I... I don't know." Brian said very uncomfortable, but at least he hesitated.
"Well, let's do this... You'll take your time to decide whether you want to move here or not... But just don't discard the offer right away. We'll be really glad if you accept it, buddy; but well, we'll respect you if you decide to reject the offer... Just think about it a little more." Darren said gently.
"Alright, I'll think about it." Brian agreed.
"Cool! What if we start restoring the desk? If you stay, you'll have it ready... And if not, well, it'll be our gift to you for your birthday." Darren exclaimed joyfully and Brian chuckled.
"Hell yeah! We all can help to restore it while having lunch... We bought sandwiches because we were too lazy to cook and we didn't know if the genius cook would be up by the time we returned." Joey said and, again, Brian giggled as everyone.
"Freckles, we can use your talent and your acrylic paints to paint the desk in a very merry way!" Jen exclaimed and you nodded energetically.
"Yeah, but before that we need to fix one of the table legs." Darren pointed out while walking to the desk.
"Let's get started!" Joey voiced excited.
Thereby, you spent basically the whole afternoon trying to fix the desk while eating sandwiches. It was really fun, a very unusual day. You were thinking that you really wanted Brian to move in Joey and Darren's apartment, because that way he wouldn't be alone, he wouldn't live in that horrible apartment where he was living now, and because you'd be able to see all of your best friends more often. When Brian was very concentrated hammering a nail into wood, his phone that was on the coffee table, began to ring. Brian looked up but he did not move, actually, he couldn't move from where he was because he was in a very weird position.
"Um... Sunny, can you pick up the call and put it on loudspeaker? I'm kinda busy right now." Brian requested and you nodded. You took his phone and without even looking who it was, you picked up the call.
"Hello, wanker." A man's voice said wickedly.
Brian's face went pale and it reflected horror while looking at his phone. You saw his face and you frowned in confusion. Why would he look so frightened? Then you looked at Joey and Jen and they had just the same expression than you. When you looked at Darren, you noticed he had the same terrified facial expression than Brian. What was happening?
"You know who I am, don't you, wanker? Oh yeah, did you think I'd make things easy for you? Did you really think you scared me? No, friggin faggot... If I didn't play with you the last weeks it's because I was very entertained making plans to fucking destroy and kill you, wanker." The man's voice said and you widened your eyes and parted your lips as you looked at Brian, who was frowning and breathing heavily. "You're gonna fucking die for the things you've been doing; both you and the little fucker named Criss who decided to help you." The man said and everybody looked abruptly at Darren, who was slightly trembling in fear. What was this all about? Why would someone threaten both Brian and Darren? Was Darren helping Brian? With what, though? "Are you there, wanker? You have to answer 'Yes, I am here, Jim.' Come on, it's not so hard to do."
When you heard that, your heart skipped a beat and you gasped in horror. A feeling of dread crept up from the pit of your stomach; a cold wave embalmed you as the hairs rose on the back of your neck and your mouth ran dry. You were paralyzed to the spot, the menacing aura holding you in a tightening grip. Jim? The damn Jim Adams? You looked at Brian completely freaking out and you noticed that Jen also looked completely terrified, as Joey couldn't understand anything. So Jim was back for real.
"What the fuck do you want, Jim?" Brian asked with trembling voice.
With shaky hands and a very serious expression, Brian gestured you all to remain silent. You heard Jim's vicious laughter. Sweat poured down your body as you stayed still and silent as possible. Your teeth chattered in fear but you tried to keep your mouth shut.
"I knew you were there, wanker! It's a pleasure to hear your voice... I need to enjoy it before you die, wanker." Jim responded and you flinched again. You got a tight congestion build up in your chest like you couldn't breathe as you were feeling your heart pounding really fast.
"Shut the fuck up and tell me what the hell you want, asshole." Brian said defiantly, yet his voice faltered a little bit.
"We're having a civilized conversation, wanker! Do not be rude, I thought your retarded father taught you that... Oh right, I forgot that retarded people don't have the ability to teach things to waif boys like you." Jim said vilely and you closed your eyes tightly and balled your fists in anger as you felt a lump in your throat but ignored it. "Anyway, you should be more respectful of the person who will kill you."
"Do you think I'm scared of your shit, asshole? You're pure bullshit. Remember who is the one who's gonna imprison you, douche." Brian answered defiantly and a bit arrogantly as you looked at him stunned, too dumbfounded to try to find a consistent logic to all of this.
"Oh, you should be completely scared, wanker. Let me tell you a little story. Last week I decided to go to San Francisco, you know, to visit certain places... And guess where I ended up! Yeah! In the skid row of San Francisco! Yes, I visited certain house... Your house, wanker!" Jim exclaimed and that left Brian numb shaking, breathless and gripped by fear. "Unfortunately, your retarded father wasn't there, so I couldn't shoot him." He added and you shrieked, but fortunately it was more like a muffled sound, so Jim didn't notice anything. "But I did get something very interesting... The doctor's number! Oh yes, yes... And I have great plans, you know that, right? I intercepted his phone calls... And there's one that you'd like to hear, because the dear doctor called you and talked about your father. Do you wanna hear it?" Jim asked with a perverse laughter. Brian did not answer, he was just staring the phone with eyes wide open and moist because of the fear while you all were looking fixedly at him in absolute silence. "Of course you wanna hear it... Wait, I'll play the recording."
"Hello Mr. Brian Clerk, this is Dr. Moore." Another man's voice said politely. That was the recording. Brian looked down with an appalled face and bit his quivery lower lip. "Unfortunately I'm calling because I have bad news about your father's health condition. The physical and speech therapy is not working, just as well the new high-dose of medicines. The tremors, the difficulty maintaining balance and gait, the stiffness of the limbs and trunk, and the slowness of movement are getting worse, his central nervous system is basically degenerated, and he practically can't walk; this only means that the deep brain stimulation previously performed didn't have the expected results. We can't add more doses of his medicines because it's already very high, therefore the medicines will start having a negative effect instead of a positive one." Dr. Moore was saying and you saw how Brian covered his face with one hand and pointed his head downwards as all of you were looking at him in a distressed way. "I'm afraid to inform that the chances of your father getting better are very low and we'll require a palliative care due to the fact that all other treatment strategies have become ineffective; so your father is now in the final stages of the disease. The palliative care is to relieve suffering in all areas of your father's life in the final months of his life."
When you heard this, you gasped and you covered your mouth as you felt a deep hole in your heart and a great grief filled it. You looked at Brian and although he was covering his face, you saw tears running down his cheeks that dripped into the desk he was working on minutes ago; he was slightly shivering and you could hear his heavy breathing and gasps due to the fact the room was in complete silence. Darren, Jen and Joey were looking down in a sorrowful way.
"For the palliative care, we need you to be urgently in San Francisco to sign a series of legal papers; because the longer the wait, the worse his health will get. And if your father begins with the palliative care, there will be hopes he can live for a year instead of few months. I hope you can come here as soon as you can, Mr. Clerk. Have a good day." Dr. Moore said and then he hung up.
"Recorded message on Wednesday November 23 at 8 am." A machine's voice said.
November 23... Now it was November 28. After that, there was an abysmal silence and a completely fraught situation. You could feel your pulse beating in your ears, blocking out all other sound except the breath that was raggedly moving in and out of Brian's mouth at regular, gasping intervals. Brian could no longer control his hands; they were shaking in an odd trembling rhythm as the color drained from his face; he wouldn't stop crying as silent as he could, covering his face and curled up in a ball. You couldn't help shedding tears as well because you knew what Brian's dad meant to him and you knew all the extraordinary effort Brian was making to help his dad and his health. Brian's dad was all the family he had.
"So, wanker! There you have your news! It turns out that I won't have to waste a bullet in your retarded father, after all. He's gonna die in a matter of months, because you obviously don't have the money to fly to San Francisco and less to afford the palliative care, because you're a fucking poor bastard. I'll make sure to bring flowers to your father's funeral, wanker. Oh... If there's even a funeral, because in view of the fact that you're so poor, you won't be able to afford the expenses of a funeral. Don't worry, we can always throw his body in a polluted lake, where retarded people belong. You are destroyed and I win, wanker." Jim blurted in the most atrocious and nefarious way. Brian got into a ball and started crying and whimpering loudly. He couldn't stop shaking or crying as his nails started digging into his skin. And Jim let out the most vicious and deranged laughter before he hung up.