YEEEEAH! spoilers for chapter 500 and on!

CHAPTER ZERO: THE PROLOGUE OF THE PROLOGUE

In which we begin with the meeting of the Tomato and her son

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"Mom…"

"Naruto, I'm going to tell you my lfie story. Well, really I'm just going to have a very long flashback, and then when we get back you will understand everything and it will be very emotional. Okay?"

"Awesome!"

"I know, right? Okay, so this one time, I was pregnant. Okay, well, it was the only time I was pregnant. And I'm pretty sure it's the last time, too. Unless, you know, you can get pregnant in heaven. Which would be kind of weird, considering. But anyway, like I was saying…so I was going to have you, and I saw good old whatsername Uchiha, who I was really good friends with…you might know her son, Sasuke…?"

"Ugh. Don't remind me."

"Ooh. Rocky relationship?"

"That sounds really gay, Mom."

"Riiight. Whatever. Anyway, so we went to this cave…which is a really strange place to give birth in by the way, and Minato was going to watch over the seal so the kyubi didn't jump out of my stomach when you were done getting your fat head out of my womb…"

"Hey! Too much information! And I don't have a fat head!"

"Maybe not now. But, like, then this creepy guy with a swirly mask showed up and was all like 'dude, you're going to either let me kill the kid, or you're going to let me have the Nine-Tails' but the seal wasn't done resealing sooo Minato was all like 'no way, biatch you should totally calm down' and the swirly guy says 'speak for yourself, I'm perfectly calm' and he throws you up in the air and Minato goes all flashy and saves you and the next thing I know I'm totally somewhere else on an altar thing and the swirly guy's all like…"

"MOM!"

"…Yeah?"

"You're turning red in the face. Take a breather, and stop talking in so many run-on sentences."

"Geez, since when is my son monitoring my grammar for me?"

"Since…now? 'Cause you haven't aged in sixteen or so years?"

"Like, I know! It's so cool! Everyone is gonna be sooo jealous of me. So then the swirly guy takes control of the Nine-Tails and he's like 'destroy the village! Ahahahaha!' except he didn't really laugh like that. And then Minato came and we totally sealed the Nine-Tails in the dead demon seal in Minato's body and then also in your body, and I impaled myself on the Nine-Tail's claw because he was so going to kill you and I told you to make friends and don't worry, be happy and respect your teachers and stay away from Jiraiya and…here we are!"

"Wow, that was really fast."

"Well, it seemed that way."

"I just wanna say, Mom…you're the best parents I could ever hope for."

"N-naruto…you're not mad at us…? Even after knowing we sealed the Nine-Tails in you? We weren't there to love you."

"No, don't apologize. I've had a hard time growing up, but just seeing you guys now makes it all more meaningful somehow. I never blamed either of you, you know."

"Thanks. Thank you, Naruto."

/\/\/\/\/\

Naruto grinned to himself, and to his surprise tears started to slip down his face. He felt blissfully happy, like everything in the world was going to be all right. Like, as if Sasuke suddenly turned completely around and had given him a big hug.

Don't worry, Mom. I'll become a bigger badass than my father, and a stronger shinobi than my mother! HELL YEAH!

But…something felt wrong. Naruto blinked open his eyes and looked around wildly, grabbing Yamato's shoulder and shaking him wildly back and forth. "Hey! Heyyy! You feel that?"

"Feel what? Naruto, are you on something? Are you all right? Did the Nine-Tails do something to your brain?"

"No! No, I can sense something. Like…something really big. Really, really big."

In the darkness, under the bandages, Kisame breathed a curse that even Tayuya wouldn't have uttered. Have I been found out? That's impossible! …And I'm not that fat.

Yamato grabbed Naruto's shoulders in turn and started shaking him wildly back and forth. "Is it the Nine-Tails? Are you going through post-traumatic shock?"

Naruto managed to shake his head while being rudely yanked around like a rag doll. "NO! Stop doing that! Listen, it feels like…like…well, I'm not too sure, but it feels really bad. I think I've experienced it before, though."

"That's it. It must be the Nine-Tails. Naruto, brace yourself! I'm gonna use…"

"Bee! Help me out, here. It's not the Nine-tails, I swear!" Naruto implored, looking at Bee pleadingly. Bee shrugged and grinned.

"I got no idea what's up, but let Yamato freeze the pup."

"AARGH!" Naruto smacked his forehead. "Come on, I know it's not often that I know things before other people do, but can't you guys believe me here? I REALLY DO…feel…funny…"

But it was too late. Suddenly, the world was shaking and Naruto wasn't sure which way was up and which way was down…it being a completely white room made it all the more confusing. There was a violent crumbling sound and it appeared that the temple was beginning to break…and then there was this horrible silence, like a shadow had passed over the sun.

"Guys? Are you…?"

And then Naruto keeled over.

Here it is, the new first chapter!

I dunno, Kushina seems like a really fun, hyperactive chick to me.

So..ah...yeah. That italics part is mainly Chapters 500-503-ish summed up in like three long sentences. Thanks, Kushina.

It just seems like she'd explain things like that, don't you think?

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By the way, sorry for the inconveniences! Oh, and reviews are certainly welcome.

~ins