So…I'm not going to lie, I completely forgot I was actually writing this story as you may tell from not updating in literally half a year, but I was flipping through the files on my computer one day and I found the folder with this story in it, and I was surprised. I reread it and decided to continue it.
If you need a recap, Freddie is making Carly jealous with the help of Sam. That's pretty much it actually…
I don't own iCarly
…
Freddie trudged up the stairs of Bushwell Plaza, his perfectly pressed clothes wrinkled and dirty from spending hours trying to bury Ms. Briggs' car with a spoon. He was only able to cover the front hood with dirt before she came running out and took the spoon away from him, and gave him so many detentions she had to make up a new number.
He looked at his watch and saw that his Mom would leave for the hospital in a few hours, and he didn't really feel like explaining to her why he was covered in dirt, sweaty, and has more detentions that Quaker has oats. He's fairly certain Ms. Briggs' was abusing her power by assigning him "Two kagillion detentions".
So he decided he would lay low at Carly's until she leaves, then go home and try to find a noose and a ceiling fan.
He walked into the apartment, seeing Carly and Sam sitting at the kitchen counter, drinking smoothies and talking. When he closed the door, they both looked up at him. Carly had a confused look on her face, and Sam was laughing obnoxiously. "Hey Dirty Dan, I heard what Briggs did to you." She said.
"You tried to bury Ms. Briggs' car with a spoon?" Carly asked. "What possessed you to do that?"
"Um…I was protesting. She really shouldn't be driving a SUV around, what with those gases…and stuff." He said lamely, sitting at the counter, slamming his head against the counter.
"Really? I never pegged you as a green guy." Carly replied.
"Oh I'm full of surprises." He grumbled out, and then realized that he and Sam still had to tell Carly that they were dating. "Hey Carly, can you go get my laptop from the studio? I need to update it." He lied quickly.
"Why do I have to go get it?" she asked, but started to make a move towards the elevator.
"Because you're young and spunky." He said and she laughed.
"Fine, be back in a second." She said and the elevator closed. Freddie turned to Sam, who had a bored look on her face, leaning against the counter.
"How do you want to tell her?" he asked quickly before she came back down.
"I don't know, maybe something like 'Hey Carly, were dating' but I guess that might be too complicated for you." She replied and he rolled his eyes.
"You know what I mean Sam, how do we break it to her?" he asked.
"You let me handle that little Fredly. Just sit there and let me do the talking." She said, and he was reluctant, but decided he was too tired to fight with her.
"Fine, but don't be too blunt about it. I know that's like asking a horse not to gallop, but I'm serious." He said and she snorted.
"A horse not to gallop? You couldn't come up with a better analogy than that?" she asked.
"I did, but you would hit me if I said it." He said and she shrugged, and then hit him.
"I was going to hit you regardless." She said over his yelp of pain.
"Noted." He said, grimacing when he touched the place on his arm she hit.
"Sam play nice."Carly chided lightly when she came out of the elevator, and handed Freddie his laptop, to which he thanked her. She went around to the other side of the counter and sipped some more of her smoothie and watched her two friends.
"We have something to tell you Carls." Sam said suddenly.
"What is it?" she asked. "Does it involve the Seattle Police Department?" she asked, eyeing Sam.
"Not this time. For once." She said and Carly nodded. "It's about me and Freddie." She said.
"Freddie and I." Carly corrected, which received a glare from the blonde.
"Watch it Shay." She said and Carly chuckled, putting her hands up in a form of surrender.
"Carry on." She replied.
"Anyway," Sam proceeded. "Freddie and I…are going out." She said awkwardly, like the words were poison in her mouth and Freddie glared at her, telling to her to sell it better.
"Going out?" Carly asked. "Where?"
"No, not like that Carly." Freddie said. "Going out, as in dating." He clarified and Carly eyes widened and she looked taken aback.
"Dating, like boyfriend and girlfriend dating?" she asked and for reassurance and they both nodded, faces unreadable. She stayed stock still for a few moments, seemingly processing the information. Freddie was holding his breath, hoping, somewhat idiotically, that she would right away scream her love for him to the heavens in a fit of extreme jealousy and they could ride off into the sunset.
"Cool. I'm happy for you guys." Was her only reply, with a smile on her face. That threw both people off completely, and Freddie stood up, unable to control himself.
"We drop a bombshell like that on you and all you can say is 'cool'?" he asked frantically. "Aren't you shocked? Surprised? Jealous?" he asked and she rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
"I'm with Fredward on this one actually, shouldn't your reaction be bigger than this?" Sam asked.
"Not really. I kind of saw it coming anyway, everyone did." She explained, and this time the blonde jumped up.
"Whoa wait a second, not shocked is one thing, but saw it coming? You can't be serious." Sam said and Carly shrugged.
"Everyone can see it. I'm just glad you finally did it before I had to get involved." She said.
"But, but-" Freddie spluttered.
"Calm down Freddie, I'm okay with this." She reassured, clearly not understanding that he wasn't upset because she wouldn't be okay with, but that she is okay with it. "I'm glad to see you finally moved on. Your love for me was starting to get really creepy." She said and he was silent, ashamed and Sam just laughed and laughed.
"It is creepy alright." She said and Freddie just glared at her, but was unable to speak.
"But honestly congrats guys, I'm happy for you. But I have to run, I have to pick up Spencer. Apparently he didn't realize that he couldn't fit a five hundred pound cow on his motorcycle and it broke." She said and was met with confused stares from her friends. "Don't ask, because I didn't. See you in a few."
She made her way to the door and turned back briefly for a moment, a smirk on her face. "Don't get too comfortable." And with that she was gone, leaving two confused friends in her wake.
Finally Freddie was able to speak, and he hung his head. "She wasn't affected at all. At all! What the hell?" he exclaimed.
"I'm kind of hurt that people think we like each other, I mean do they even know us?" Sam asked and Freddie nodded.
"Yeah, but that isn't the point Sam. Carly was totally cool with it! She isn't supposed to be cool with it! She's supposed to get jealous, slap you, make out with me, and we all live happily ever after!" he exclaimed.
"First of all, if anyone is getting slapped, it's you Dorktron. And second of all, I told you this was going to happen. You ready to give up yet?" she asked with a smirk and he glared back.
"No, you signed up for two weeks and by God, were going for two weeks! I'm going to just have to step my game up and prove to her that she is jealous, and in no way shape or form, is happy that were a couple. She is disappointed and I will make sure she knows that I will go the ends of the earth to-" he said but was cut off by a jab to his ribs.
"Come off the soap box Fredward, no one cares about your nerd love." Sam said. "Plus, you need to be at my house in like ten minutes."
"Wait why?" he asked.
"My gutters aren't going to clean themselves, and my mom sure as hell isn't going to do it. Number thirty six on the list." She said and he sighed.
"If my mom comes looking for me, tell her I jumped off a bridge."
...
"All she said was 'cool'?" Gibby asked Freddie the next day at school. Freddie nodded grimly "That sucks man."
"That wasn't even the worst part though. She said she expected it. That she knew we were going to date, how ludicrous is that?" he asked with a bitter chuckle.
"Well it isn't as crazy as you may think. I mean the dynamic of your relationship if perfectly acceptable as an easy transition from that of a hate relationship, to that of a love-hate relationship, then eventually evolving into a love relationship altogether. In the terms of your current relationship, it isn't a stretch to believe that you two would form a bond based upon your arduous friendship that could survive the rigors of a normal relationship if indeed you were to form those romantic feelings, according of course to psychological nomenclature." Gibby replied, while Freddie just gaped at him.
"Gibby." He finally said and Gibby shrugged.
"Sorry man, it must be these new pills I'm taking. I'm still trying to get used to them." He replied and Freddie shook his head, trying to focus on what they were talking about before…that, whatever the hell that was.
"Anyway, Carly was completely unaffected, but I will not be deterred. Maybe if she sees Sam and I together she will understand why she should be jealous. I mean I'm a great guy!" he exclaimed.
"I know! You're awesome! If you were a chick, I would totally date you!" he exclaimed and suddenly everything became quiet and Freddie shook his head.
"Gibby, remember when I told you about that whole, 'awkward friendship' thing?" he asked.
"Yeah. You said not to say anything that would make you cringe…did I just do that?" he asked and Freddie nodded. "Oh…my bad. I got carried away for a second there."
"No problems, I knew what you meant. I think. You know what, just to be safe, let's never talk about what you just said ever again. Especially to Carly and Sam." He said and Gibby nodded.
"What did I say?" he asked and Freddie grinned.
"Good."
"No seriously what did I say, I kind of blacked out there for a second." He replied and Freddie shook his head, looking past him to see that Carly and Sam had entered the school and were heading his way.
"You said you love long walks on the beach and Galaxy Wars." Freddie said distractedly.
"Well I do love both those things." Gibby replied.
"Awesome, now get out of here, Sam and Carly are coming." He replied.
"Okay, see you later Freddie." He said, waving as he walked off down the hallway. Freddie turned to Carly and Sam, and Carly smiled at him while Sam rolled her eyes, not even pretending to be happy to see, like she should be. He shot her a glare for a second without Carly noticing and Sam glared back, but then gave the reluctant "Alright, I'll do what you want loser" look he was hoping for. But he definitely didn't like the evil glint in her eye.
"Hey Freddie." Carly greeted cheerily, opening her locker.
"Freddie!" Sam yelled and Freddie cringed. "How's my darling doing?" she asked and he was taken aback as she hugged him tightly. He looked down and saw her grinning at him. He mouthed that she was going over the top with it and she just smirked and continued to hug him.
"Hehe, um hi Sam." He said awkwardly, looking at Carly, who looked on with a mixture of disbelief that Sam was acting this way, and humor because Sam was acting this way. She also looked a little uncomfortable, but then again, who wasn't?
"Um, Sam honey, you're crushing my lungs." He breathed out and he could've sworn he heard her laugh at him.
"Oh I'm sorry Freddiebear, I just missed you so much!" she exclaimed, breaking the hug, in favor of a side hug on his right side. He tried to glare at her blonde hair, but didn't want to do it in front of Carly so she wouldn't get suspicious, so he just nervously laughed, staring at the floor intently.
"Freddie, do you want your text book back? Thanks for letting me borrow it." Carly said and he looked up to see her holding his book.
"Oh yeah, just let me." He tried to move, but Sam refused to let go of his side. "One sec Carls." He said, trying to reach his backpack on the ground, but unable to bend over and he huffed, growling lowly. "You know what, just keep it. I don't need it until third period anyway." He told her, glaring at Sam, no longer caring if Carly was there.
"Um okay." Carly replied and an awkward silence hit the group, Carly trying to busy herself in her locker, Freddie glaring at the floor like it wrong him in some way, and Sam still hugging his side. Freddie felt Sam's hand drift down his eyes widened and he stood up straight, trying to knock Sam's hand away.
But she was determined and soon enough her hand landed where it shouldn't and he was more than a little uncomfortable as he tried to squirm away from her hand, but with her latched onto him, he couldn't do very much. He just looked at Carly with a horrified look, but she made no move to do anything about it.
"Sam, hey don't…" he trailed off throwing glances between the two girls. "Don't touch my…you know you shouldn't do that…" he laughed, trying to make it sound sincere. "Sam that's my ass…my ass Sam…You're touching my ass!" he yelled, finally getting her hand and pulling it away.
"Yeah…I'm just going to go over and touch-I mean talk, to those people." Carly said and walked briskly off and when she disappeared around the corner he glared hard at Sam, who pulled away and just smirked back.
"What in the blue hell was that?" he exclaimed and she just laughed in his face.
"There, there's your girlfriend activity." She replied.
"Molesting me in public isn't girlfriend activity!" he yelled back.
"I know, I did that for kicks." She smirked and he growled.
"Tone it down Sam seriously. You actually have to be believable or this won't work." He said.
"You said for me to help you make her jealous. Whatever I do in this 'relationship' is purely up to me, and today I felt like embarrassing the hell out of you, like I do everyday anyway." She said and he sighed.
"Please Sam, just tone it down, I'm begging you here. For once in your life help me out and when this is over I won't ask for another favor again." He pleaded and she glared at him, and then huffed and rolled her eyes.
"Fine, I'll actually try to help you this time. I'll tone it down." She grumbled through gritted teeth.
"Thanks Sam." Freddie replied.
"Whatever. Just go write my essay and leave me alone." She said.
"What essay?" he asked.
"The one for English. Write it before fourth period or you'll be sorry." She said and he sighed.
"What number is that?" he asked.
She started to walk away from him "It isn't on the list, but do it anyway. It'll make your girlfriend happy." She said, laughing all the way down the hall.
…
If anyone actually remembers this story, I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm not holding my breath. But anyway, read and review. Rinse and repeat.