Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter. I'm really trying to work on updating in a timely manner, but like most things I work on, it's all eventually going to fail. It's how Pandastriker works baby, take it or leave it.
I don't own anything
…
Freddie kicked a rock on the sidewalk and watched as it clattered and skipped against the pavement, before hopping into the street, and he didn't feel like going to get it, so he spotted another one and kicked that in front of him.
He glanced at Carly directly to the right of him who was walking home with him. She stayed after school to study while he had detention, and Sam had already gone home, or wherever she goes after school, and now they were walking back to Bushwell. He kicked the rock again, searching for something to say to break the silence between them.
But she broke it first. "So…" she began softly. "I had to run yesterday and I didn't get the chance to ask. How did it happen?" she asked.
"How did what happen?" he asked back.
"Don't play dumb Freddie. How did…you and Sam, you know, get together?" she asked.
"Oh." He paused. He hadn't thought about having a back story to a relationship out of the blue. He quickly racked his brain for a story that was believable, without sounding like he made it up on the spot. He laughed nervously "It wasn't all that special. I liked her, she liked me, insofacto, were dating." He came up with, instantly realizing that it sounded like a heaping load of bullshit.
"As much as you would like me to believe that, I'm not stupid. You and Sam don't, well didn't now I guess, have a relationship like that. You can't go from enemies to dating like that." She punctuated her point with a snap of her fingers. "So how about you tell me how it really happened."
He silently cursed the fact that Carly wasn't as gullible as he hoped she would be. But what could he possibly conceive that would make her believe that he and Sam are dating? It was such a convoluted idea that he and Sam would have feelings for each other past pure unadulterated hatred, that even the thought of coming up with a story in which that they confessed hidden romantic feelings for each other hurt his brain.
But then again, she said she expected it, and Gibby went on that odd rant on how they could possibly foster hidden feelings for each other, and it be perfectly acceptable. Therein lies the answer.
"I liked her for awhile now, and I was tired of waiting around for someone to get to her before me." He lied quickly. "I told her how I felt, and she felt the same way. I swear there is nothing more than that." He pleaded, hoping that his mother's lessons on how to lie to people just in case he was in a terrorist hostage situation paid off.
She eyed him with skepticism and he tried his hardest to sell it, and eventually her stare softened "Okay Freddie, I believe you for now. But you do realize that if I find out there is more to it than that, I will be very disappointed in you. Remember the whole telling each other the truth thing? I meant it."
"I know Carly, but I'm not lying." He said with false conviction and she accepted it.
"So does this mean you've given up on me?" she asked and he paled.
Shit.
"No! I mean yes. No I mean…" he trailed off, frantically trying to come up with something, anything, that would get them off of that topic. Of course he hadn't given up! But he can't say that, or she'll be super pissed and think that he was just using Sam to get to her, which in actuality, is exactly what he's doing. He just pushes down that pesky voice in his head that tells him even if Sam is in on it, it's still wrong to use her as a means to get to another more desirable, in his opinion, girl.
"Well, she is my girlfriend." He said simply, deciding to just let her draw her own conclusions, instead of just saying a flat out "Yes".
She seemed to ponder this, and Freddie couldn't help but foolishly hope it hurt her just a little bit to see him move on. That maybe she is actually jealous that he won't be falling over himself to compliment her and tell her he loved her. She didn't reply to him right away, which he chalked up as a point for him.
"It will be weird to not have you hit on me anymore." She teased, keeping her mood lighthearted and Freddie decided that he needed to turn up to heat for her to crack. She has to be disappointed or hurt he chose Sam, and damn it all if he isn't going to make her admit it!
"A good weird or a bad weird?" he asked.
"A good weird." She replied instantly and he grimaced.
"Are you sure? This means I won't call you pretty anymore, or offer you my coat, or hire a plane to write 'I love you Carly Shay' in the sky, or buy you flowers or any of that. I'll just be Freddie Benson, technical producer extraordinaire, without absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever." He said and she chuckled softly.
"Call me crazy, but it sounds like you want me to be disappointed that you're taken." She replied, eyeing him and he reacted in a way only a Benson can. He freaked the hell out.
He stuttered "Pssh no." he said. "Why would I want you to be disappointed? Sam is my girlfriend. How dare you accuse me of such an offense Carly!" he pointed an accusatory finger at her and she just laughed.
"Calm down Freddie, I was joking." She replied, but he started panicking anyway.
"I can't believe you would think that! I don't like you like that anymore Carly! I moved on! Sam is who I like now! Yeah! I can't believe you think I'm using Sam!" he yelled this time Carly looked infinitely confused.
"Freddie, I didn't…" she started but he paid no heed.
"Shame on you Carly Shay! I can't believe you think so little of me to think I would use Sam to get to you!" he yelled.
"Freddie, I don't think…" but he continued.
"I'm a good person damnit! There is nothing wrong with me! Ask Gibby! He said he would date me if I was a girl!" he shouted, no longer in control of what he was saying.
"Freddie you're seriously starting to- wait Gibby said what?"
"I mean what's wrong with me! I dress nicely, I don't smell bad, I'm not ugly, and I'm smart! I always take others feelings into consideration, I don't get into trouble, why wouldn't someone want to date me? Sometimes I think…" but he trailed off when his mind caught up with his mouth. He froze, looking over at Carly who had an appalled look on her face.
"What?" was all she asked.
"What?" he repeated. "Um…there was a bee in my…hair."
"And you tried to get it off by yelling at it?" she asked, amusement back in her eyes.
"You need to be tough with these insects or they'll never learn." He replied.
"Freddie?" Carly asked. "Shut up."
"Yes ma'am."
…
"You can't be serious."
"I'm serious. I panicked and pretty much yelled all my insecurities at her without any regard for what I was saying." Freddie replied and Sam fell to the floor laughing at his expense.
"That's so hilarious I could cry. But I'm not going to, because I'm not a little bitch, unlike some people in this room." She prodded and laughed harder, her face starting to turn red.
"It isn't that funny Sam." He said and she shook her head, finally getting to her hands and knees, but still laughing at him.
"It's wonderful is what it is." She said, her laughter dying down as she got up off Carly's apartment floor.
"Maybe from your view point, but not mine." He glared at her.
"You have to admit, when you freak out, you go all the way. No half assed freak outs with Fredward Benson, not at all. It's one of the many reasons berating you is my favorite past time." She replied and he rolled his eyes.
"Trust me, you've done irreparable damage to me." He replied.
"I know right?" she said, sounding proud. "With a mother like yours and friends like me, it's a wonder why you haven't shot up the school yet."
"Probably because I have self-control, something you don't even know the definition of." He said.
She scoffed "Who needs self-control? Live life to the fullest Fredward, isn't that what all those songs that sound alike say?"
"Yeah, and they're all sung by rock stars who get doped up on heroin and kill strippers. They sound like wonderful people with a message." He replied sarcastically.
"It's the American dream Fredders, of course you wouldn't know that, you communist." She replied and he just rolled his eyes.
"Anyway, to get us back on track." He said, shoot her a look. "I may have taken a step back in the whole 'Make Carly jealous' plan with my little outburst. But I will not be discouraged. We'll just have to try harder."
"I don't want to try harder." She complained, flopping onto the couch.
"Then we'll not try harder, but try smarter." He replied and she gagged.
"That was such a corny and cheesy line that I threw up in my mouth a little. With motivational lines like that in your arsenal, you'll make a wonderful desk jockey you nerd. You might as well tell me to 'think outside the box'" She prodded.
"Think outside the box? How about this, screw the box and just think." He said and she laughed. "What I'm talking about is actually doing something couple-y and maybe she'll realize what she's missing."
"She isn't missing much." Sam replied.
"We should go on a date." He said, pretending he didn't hear her insult. "That way, she'll know were serious and she'll get jealous."
"I'm not spending any more time with you than I have to Freidiot." She replied.
"Then what do you call this?" he asked, gesturing to them in the empty apartment.
"We're waiting for Carly and Spencer to get back from the store, so it isn't voluntary on my part. So about your date idea, count me out. I have plenty of other things I can do besides hanging out with a sweaty nerd." She replied.
"Okay first and foremost we need to have a talk. There are differences in geeks, nerds, dorks, dweebs and every other slanderous term you refer to me with. I enjoy computers, but I do not sweat a lot. Sweaty nerds are fat guys with neck beards who go into fits of nerd rage when a new video game comes out, and I definitely do not fit into that category." He said and she just laughed at him.
"That's a great story and all, but I couldn't care less. You all look alike to me anyway." She replied and he rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. But we need to do a date at least once in these two weeks or she'll probably get suspicious." He said and Sam groaned.
"Can't you just tell her were on a date and go hide in your nerd cave while I live my life?" she asked, sitting up on the couch, placing her hand on her stomach. "I'm hungry, make me a sandwich."
"Absolutely not." He replied and she narrowed her eyes.
"Number 128." She growled and he groaned, making his way to the kitchen.
"Anyway, we can't just tell her were on a date and just avoid her. There are too many pitfalls, most of them expressed in the form of bad 1980s sitcoms." He said from the kitchen, making her a ham sandwich.
"No, I already ruined my reputation by agreeing to be your 'girlfriend', and I draw the line at being seen in public with you." She said, getting up to make sure he was making the sandwich right.
"All I'm asking you for is one fake date, dinner and movie or something where you actually look like you want to be there." He said to her when she appeared behind him, peering over his shoulder.
"But that's the thing, I don't actually want to be there." She said. "Put more mayonnaise on it." She instructed and he did.
"You think I want to be there as well? It's something we have to do though. You agreed to help me Sam, and this is just another way to help me." He said.
"And I agreed back in seventh grade not to rip your arms off and beat you with them, but it looks like both might be broken tonight." She glared at him when he turned around and gave her the sandwich.
"One date is all Sam. One date in which I pay for your food and your movie ticket. Just think of it as a free meal and free entertainment." He reasoned.
"But I have to spend it with you, and that's a deal breaker my friend." She said, walking back over to the counter and putting the plate down.
"One date to see how Carly reacts." He said, trying to will her not to be extremely stubborn.
"She's going to act the same exact way Fredesperate when she learned we were dating. She'll be surprised, a little uncomfortable, then be okay with it. Have you ever heard of just cutting your loses and quit? I'm sure there's a beautiful, slightly retarded, girl out there you can con into loving you." She replied, taking a bite of the sandwich. She looked at it and shrugged "It's alright, had better though." She said, mouth full of food.
"One date." He repeated.
"No." she replied simply.
"Oh come on, I won't even make you wear something nice!" he said and she shook her head.
"Not good enough." She denied.
"You know I can relentlessly annoy you until you agree to it." He said.
"And you know I can put you in an arm bar until the bone snaps." She shot back and he sighed, hanging his head.
"Come on Sam, you've helped me up to this point, can't you just help now as well?" he asked and she laughed at him. "Alright listen. We do dinner, wherever you want and you can order whatever you want, how much you want. You can choose the movie and the seats and the snacks and everything."
"I have to admit, watching you grovel at my feet is rather entertaining." She mused. "And order anything I want?"
"Anything, absolutely anything." He replied.
She mulled it over for a second, before finally shrugging "Fine, whatever. One date and only one date. And were going to the most expensive sounding place I can think of, and I'm ordering the lobster, wrapped in a steak…with curly fries."
He let out a breath "Thank you Sam." He said, then sighed. "I'll just have to think of way to pay for it all."
"Not my problem." Sam replied.
"I'm sure my aunt can afford a second mortgage."