Teenage Dream

by Lucy Samb

You/ Darren Criss fanfic. The story is about your life with Darren in high school, college and professional life among friendship,love,fights,comings and goings and how you both go through serious stuff such as bullying,suicide,discrimination and life itself. It starts when you meet Darren, a guy of your school in St. Ignatius College Preparatory who never noticed you, a loser.

68. Life purpose

A/N: Hey there, guys! I know it's not Friday/Saturday and it hasn't even been 3 weeks... But today is a very special day for me because today I was finally told that I'm ready to present my final thesis on April 23 at 6PM and that the project is already approved. So I'm a ball of excitement/nervousness/stress/happiness and damn! A lot of feelings going on right now! It's crazy! So, I wanted to share this with you and what better way than updating the story? I hope you're enjoying the story and forgive me for taking so long or if it's turning boring. Please, I beg you to have patience because I have to do a lot of things and I basically haven't written anything in a month, roughly speaking; so... I have this chapter and another one and then I have nothing at all and I don't know when I will be able to write again! Now, about this chapter... well... It's a rough chapter, but I wanna think it has nice things, too. And well, I hope you enjoy it! And the end... I wanna apologize in advance; some things happen. But enough, I'll let you read it and as for me, I will reply the reviews!

Andrea: Wow! What you told me... It was precious. You made me feel very touched and you had me smiling broadly. I feel very flattered, in the good way. I honestly, wow! I never thought that someone would think that way about my story! I don't know how to convey you this, but your comparison of this story to a piece of art was one of the most wonderful things someone has ever told me. I personally think that the concept of 'piece of art' is too big, too important, too complex for this simple and silly and non-professional-written story; but hearing -actually reading- someone saying that makes me feel very happy and moved. And saying that my writing style is a piece of art, makes you feel real emotions and you admire it just left me amazed and it made me feel accomplished, somehow. I always wanted to make the readers feel the emotions and I think that's a hard thing to do and I honestly never thought I could manage to get it; because I -as a reader- know that a book is good when it makes me feel real emotions and make me feel like I'm living inside the book. So, picture how meaningful and moving what you said is to me! And thank you a lot for noticing that every character has unique characteristics that I try to stand out throughout the entire story; I'm still working on that and learning how to make the characters be different and not all the same. I'm actually all the time trying to improve my writing, because even if I will never be a professional writer, I enjoy writing and creating a different world. And I'm so sorry for rambling and about explaining or telling you things that maybe you're not interested in knowing; I tend to do that a lot! Now to answer your question: I'm in the -3 hours time zone. In my time zone I usually update on Fridays at midnight, or Saturdays from 1AM to 3AM (I go to bed really late at nights!). Thank you very much for wishing me good luck on my final thesis, that's very nice of you! I will really need it! Don't worry about your English grammar, English is not my first language either and I make a lot of mistakes, so really, don't worry! And you conveyed your ideas pretty well!

Guest 1: Aw! Thank you very much for saying it was for favorite chapter! And huge thanks for telling me that I've improved! That makes me feel very happy and accomplished as well as the fact that I made you feel all of those emotions! Thank you for your nice words, it's really nice to know that you enjoyed the last chapter and I hope you enjoy this new one as well! I'm so sorry about George! But at some point of the story it was gonna happen; at least he lived his life to the fullest and all of the people who loved him will always remember him (To be honest, that part was actually very sad for me to write).

Zahra Ayoub: Zahra! Don't apologize for not writing, I understand you may be busy. I'm really glad to know you are still enjoying the story! Recently -not so recently, but actually ever since I stopped writing- I had like a breakdown because I thought this story was sucking too much and it was getting boring as hell, so you must know it means a lot to me to know you still enjoy it. What gladdens me the most is to know that I updated the story right when you needed it the most; I think that I might indeed have magical powers (If only!). But are you doing okay? How are things now? You know where to find me if you need me someday! Aw! Thank you for saying that last chapter was one of your favorite ones! I know pretty well what part you meant when you said you've cried. I remembered you when I wrote it. I just hope it didn't make you feel bad or anything like. And what you said about the way I have with words? That's truly beautiful, Zahra! It is super nice and wonderful to know that my words can be touching and that they even touched your friends who didn't know anything about the story! But what made me smile the most is when you said that even with our culture difference, I still had you feeling related to every word and emotion! That is wonderful. I think we're all equals but different, and feelings and emotions are what connect us; the day everybody gets to accept and value that, it would be the day when wars and discrimination about different cultures would end. I'll quote John Lennon and his precious song: "Imagine all the people living life in peace... Imagine all the people sharing all the world." I wish the world could live as one. Anyhow! Geez, I went off topic! I'm sorry! Thank you for all you said and thank you for your encouragement, Zahra!

AmritSoomal: Because I'm a cruel bitch, worse than Voldy when someone gives him snickers! How about we give Jim some snickers, eh? I don't know, I just suck when it comes to joking. Everyone broke up! Maybe -thoughtlessly- I remembered the episode of Glee when everybody breaks up at the moment when I wrote that part of last chapter. Who knows? My mind makes those connections. It's okay you didn't like February! Good thing that she won't appear again, and if she does, it won't be a regular character, how about that? I didn't kill everyone, please! Lot of them are still alive, aren't they? And maybe they'll eventually become a big and happy family, only that not in the conventional way! I didn't want to tell you before... But you were right all along! Jen indeed has a crush on Brian; now let's see what happens to Brian... You were also right about Jack! Honestly? When you told me all of your assumptions, I was just like 'Oh my god! Amrit can read minds! That sneaky girl!'. Oh geez, imagine if Jack and Jim wipe off the map forever! Yes, I killed Brian's dad. Please, don't make me feel even worse than I already feel! It was hard to kill him. I really liked that character, but he was sick and it had to happen sooner or later; good thing is that he didn't suffer and he lived life to the fullest. Those guys need to find magic somewhere and use it! That's the key, the solution for all problems! Oh, I'm afraid Jim won't be defeated so easily... BUT, the interesting thing is how Darren, Freckles, Brian, Mandy, Jen, etc. will deal with Jim... And they may even find Jim's weak point. Now, you got the next chapter earlier than expected! What kind of reward (It must be food) will I get in return? Can I also have my Millie's cookie cake now that I've waited and updated the new chapter? Pretty please? (I am making Darren's puppy dog eyes right now).

Guest 2: Thank you very much for saying you like my story! It makes me feel really happy and it means a lot! Now you don't have to die because I updated earlier than usual! I hope you like this new chapter!

MRSDARRENCRISS589: I spent like several minutes trying to understand if what you wrote means something good or something bad. But... Yay! I'm sorry, what I said was super lame. Uh, I hope you enjoy this new chapter and thank you for reading! Eeeppp!

Alright, that was all for now, guys! Today I'm so happy that I want to hug each one of you for reading this story! (And please, note that I'm not one of those people who hug other people too often). Oh! One last thing... I won't update in three weeks. No... I will update in two weeks! Yay! By then, I will be an architect and I will let you know how my thesis was! (I am that annoying). Really, in anticipation: I am very sorry for how this chapter ends! I know it is a horrible, hideous and very mean for me to do; but please, don't kill me. I'm sorry. Now, I wish you two weeks full of colorful balloons, and cakes, and lots of presents, and Rumbleroar with a party hat. I don't know, I guess I want to attend a birthday party. Until next time, guys! Warm fuzzies!

---

TEENAGE DREAM

Chapter 68

Life purpose

---

I couldn't breathe, my ears were ringing, my heart was pounding, my body was shaking and the only I could hear was the sound of rain and thunder merged with the sound of a howl of pain and suffering of someone agonizing, and the sound of someone weeping and lamenting in the distance. When I dared to open my eyes, the first I saw was Brian kneeling on the floor, covering his face with his hands, slowly rocking back and forward, crying in abject misery with great heaving sobs. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the large pool of thick and dark red blood on the floor. I saw a shaky arm lying in the pool of blood, but I didn't dare to look at the person who was shot and was now agonizing and striving to breathe, making a sound as though the person was choking with own blood. I was disturbed and agitated, I needed air, and I was feeling queasy and nauseated, wanting to throw up. And all of a sudden, a steady stream of tears flowed its way down my cheeks, releasing the sorrow and tumult I was feeling. I wasn't able to look at Freckles' body lying in the pool of blood; I couldn't see her struggling to breathe, I could no longer stand hearing how she was choking with her own blood. I wanted to save her but I couldn't move from where I was. I was feeling powerless.

"Oh! I'm blown away, wanker!" Jim suddenly exclaimed.

It was such the anger I felt that I opened my eyes to look at that asshole, wishing I could move to hit him to death. And when I did this, I finally saw the body lying on the floor and I gasped and widened my eyes. Freckles was crying hysterically and her body was trembling fiercely while looking at Jack struggling to stop the bleeding and survive.

"I seriously thought you wouldn't be able to shoot someone, wanker. I thought you were against violence. But you shot Jack. Wow." Jim said and Brian let out a sharp wail. "Anyway, you didn't kill him, wanker." Jim said while moving Jack's body with one foot. "Let's end with this, shall we?" He stated and, without warning, he shot Jack in the head and his body stopped shaking and the sounds he was making ceased as Brian looked at it completely aghast. "Now he is dead, as you chose, wanker. You killed a person! Doesn't it feel gratifying, wanker?" Jim laughed macabrely and Brian curled up in a ball to continue sobbing. "Ladies and gentlemen!" Jim exclaimed with a sinister smirk, lifting one of Brian's arms, looking at all of us. "Brian Thomas Clerk, a murderer." He voiced, smiling with satisfaction, as I looked at him furiously; I was out of myself. "As I said, I'm a man of words, so your friends won't die. Sad thing is that you won't see them again, because you're gonna be thrown in jail." Jim started saying with high-pitched voice, making Brian touch the rope he was holding.

Jim extended Brian's arm to make him touch the jacket that was around Freckles' leg as Brian was devastated, too weak to move, still weeping with sorrow. Then Jim tied the rope he was holding to a pillar, so that he now had his hands free. After that, Jim made Brian touch another rope and gag and he put the gag on Jack's mouth and tied the rope to Jack's hands and legs, making Jack look as though he was a hostage, just as we were. And I realized that Jim was wearing gloves; so it was evident that he was planting false evidence to incriminate Brian of crimes he did not commit. The gun with which he shot Jack, the rope that was tied to the plastic container that was full of sodium hydroxide above all of us, the jacket on Freckles' leg, the gag and rope on Jack; all of those things had now Brian's fingerprints. Jim planned this all to make Brian look as the only one guilty of the crimes that Jim himself committed; and we didn't have any evidence to prove Brian's innocence.

"You'll be a lot of years in jail, wanker. Being charged with first degree murder, kidnapping, assault and battery, extortion, inchoate crime of attempted murder is equivalent to mandatory sentencing of life without parole. And let's thank you're not in California where you should be, because then you'd be punished with death penalty." Jim laughed viciously and I felt a chill running through my body. "From now on, you'll never live outside the jail, but at least your friends are alive!" He snickered ominously. "Now, wanker, if you excuse me... I have to call the cops because I cannot let a criminal free!" He laughed derisively, pulled out his phone and dialed a number as Brian was still curled up in a ball, crying and sobbing.

I couldn't understand why Brian wasn't doing anything at all to stop Jim, why he wasn't defending himself, why he was letting this happen. If Brian didn't do anything now, Jim would accomplish his goal and Brian would really be sentenced of life without parole of crimes he did not commit. Damn, Brian! He should do something!

"Hello. I wanna report a crime." Jim spoke. It was too late. "I heard shots coming from my neighbor's house; and earlier I saw a man breaking into the house. A man 6'3" tall, athletic body, straight light brown hair, green eyes, wearing um... simple dark blue jeans and a white and green striped pullover. Yes, I've seen this man entering the house before, but his presence was never reliable and I've witnessed a violent demeanor on his part. Okay, thank you, sir." He said and finally hung up and looked archly at Brian. "So, that's it, wanker. The end of the game. I won." He snickered and Brian seemed not to be able to do something other than crying. "I'll wait here until I hear police sirens, so I will make sure you won't do anything stupid." He announced and I looked at him in a rage. Then he looked at us, very serious. "You, fuckers! You surely know that the wanker will be prosecuted and you will be witnesses. If for some reason you state in court he is innocent, I swear that I'll kill each one of you and I'll kill the wanker as well. I have friends in prison that would be happy to kill him. So, this is what you're gonna say..." Jim threatened, looking intently at each one of us. "There was a storm and a power outage. You went to the screened porch to be around the fireplace, the only room that could be illuminated and warm. And suddenly you heard a sound coming from outside and even before you could understand what was happening, a man broke in. That man is the wanker and you've seen him before; he used to be friends with you, he even came here with you on vacation, but one day you had a harsh dispute because he was acting violently and he was acting violently because he wanted to fuck the whore but Jack was in love with her and he wouldn't allow the wanker touch her. The wanker punched one of you in the stomach, causing him an aggravated injury." He said while pulling up Jack's shirt, showing the cut and bruises he had in his stomach. "You kicked the wanker out the house and he got really mad and threatened to kill each of you; he said he was gonna take revenge. You didn't believe him until he broke in and captured each of you. He first tied you under the plastic container with sodium hydroxide, then he shot the whore's leg, and finally, he murdered Jack, between threats and aggression. He took revenge as he said." Jim said and I was feeling sheer hatred for him. Then he walked to Freckles, placed his hands on her waist and began to smooch her neck as she was clenching her jaw and looking away, feeling very rabid. "About you, whore... You're a bit dangerous." He whispered hoarsely, running his hands over her sides until he touched her ass and pulled her to him. "You won't do anything stupid, will you?" He asked, nibbling Freckles' lower lip as she looked at him with absolute despise. Brian finally stopped crying and was now looking intently at Jim. "Because if you dare to stand up for the wanker and if in the court you dare to deny the story I've recently told... I will kill him. No, not just kill him... I'll talk to my friends the inmates, and I'll command them to mutilate, disfigure and dismember your beloved wanker; I'll order them to cut him to pieces. And after that, I'll send you his dead dick in a box, so you can remember him as a dude who was once in a single piece." He said cynically, slipping his fingers underneath the waistband of her jeans. Brian, slowly and carefully not to make any sound, stood up, clenching his fists. "Besides that, I'll come for you and I will tie you to a bed; I'll lick your juicy pussy and I'll fuck your ass and your cunt so hard and so wild until you start bleeding, then I'll force you to suck my dick and I'll make you choke with my cum." He said in a very perverted and wicked way, fingering Freckles' clit as she was shedding tears and shaking because of her anger and fear. I saw how Brian's eyes were flashing and closing into slits due to his wrath and indignation. "And you'll die as the whore you are." Jim whispered, inserting another finger.

Brian harrumphed and roared before pouncing on Jim in a very wild, violent way. Jim didn't see him coming, so he was not ready to defend himself; therefore, Brian was punching Jim's face very hard and he was already bleeding.

"Touch her..." Brian yelled, his voice gruff and threatening. "And it'll be the biggest regret of your life."

Jim fumbled in the floor for the gun that was near him; but Brian was faster and he took the gun and began to hit Jim's face with the grip of the gun. We all were terrified, seeing how Brian was punching him in that brutal way; Brian wasn't used to hit people, but now it seemed he wanted to hit Jim to death, because he didn't stop not even for a second. Brian needed to stop because the police was going to arrive soon and he had to escape; Brian needed to escape, and we needed to get rid of all these false evidence. This was our chance to do all of that and to imprison Jim. But Brian was out of himself; he was not thinking, he was just acting according to what he was feeling that was pure hate and resentment for the asshole who ruined all he had, who ruined his life and his friends' lives. And no one could move and speak, so we couldn't calm Brian, we couldn't stop him, we couldn't help him. And I heard the police sirens, but it seemed Brian didn't hear it. I was desperate and so fucking frustrated because I couldn't do anything. And four policemen entered the house in a very rowdy way, running straight to Brian. One of them pulled Brian's arms to his back and clutched him tightly; other policeman hit Brian's stomach with a baton to keep him quiet, and other policeman handcuffed his hands. I was looking at all of this very disturbed and shaken. Those policemen were catching the wrong guy. They should catch Jim, not Brian.

"You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?" The fourth police officer said while showing his badge. Brian closed his eyes, frowned and nodded.

My heart started pounding when I saw that police officer taking Brian to the police cruiser. One of the police officers helped Jim to stand up, another police officer untied all of us and the other police officer began to secure the room with a yellow crime scene tape. Jim wiped his blood away and looked at the officer who helped him.

"Are you the one who reported the crime?" The officer asked and Jim nodded.

"I am, officer. I had to come here. I was afraid the criminal could hurt my neighbor and her friends." Jim answered and I looked at him with contempt. Fucking liar. "What will happen with the criminal, officer?"

"We're taking him down to the station to book him, and then we'll take him to the interrogation room. In view of the crime scene and the severity of the crimes that he apparently has committed, he will be considered guilty until he is proven innocent; so we'll have to keep him in a cell until the day of the trial." The officer answered while untying Freckles who was looking at Jim with absolute detestation. "The ambulance will be here soon. Who's the owner of the property?" He asked, looking at all of us.

"I am, officer." Jen spoke with shaky voice, her face reflecting commotion. When she glanced at Jim, I saw her eyes blazing with anger.

"You will have to stay outside the yellow tape because this is a crime scene." The officer said and Jen nodded. "All of you will be surely contacted. A detective is going to ask you a few questions about the facts of the crime." He explained as the other officers were bagging all the evidence in security bags. "Surely you will be contacted to testify in court, too." He said and all of us looked down as Jim smiled triumphantly. The officer looked at Jen. "A police cruiser will patrol the neighborhood in the next 48 hours. Thankfully you have a caring neighbor who called us and prevented further deaths. I'm sorry for your loss." He said and Jen looked fixedly at the officer, trying to remain expressionless, but her eyes filled with tears of frustration, she clenched her fists and made a big effort to nod.

"Officer?" Freckles spoke with throaty, shaky voice. All of us looked at her a bit alarmed because she was risking her life, and also Brian's life. "I... I... The person you took to the station..." She stammered nervously as Jim looked at her menacingly.

"Yes, miss?" The officer questioned. Freckles glanced at Jim and then looked down, troubled.

"Please, use a polygraph during the interrogation." She whispered with trembling voice and Jim clenched his teeth. The officer frowned but nodded.

The ambulance finally arrived and two doctors entered the room. They first took Jack's dead body. Another two doctors entered the room and they took Jim and Freckles to the hospital; fortunately in different vehicles. After a long time, the police officers left the house and all of us went to the living room. We all were sitting on the couches in silence, still very disturbed and shocked for what happened and how Jim tricked all of us, especially Brian. Jen was the only one who was standing, looking for something in a very hasty way.

"I'm gonna get back at Jim." Mandy was the first to talk. She was absent-minded, clenching her jaw with tears in her eyes.

"I'm gonna kill Jim." I harrumphed with anger. Chuck looked at me abruptly.

"You won't do anything, Darren." He said and I huffed.

"Who is that Jim?" Lucy questioned with brittle voice, very scandalized.

"Is he the bully you had to stand in high school?" Joey asked and I just nodded.

"Here it is." Jen said, holding a card. Then she looked at us. "Listen, guys... None of us will talk. If we talk, Jim is going to kill Brian, we cannot risk. None of us will get back at Jim. If we do so, he'll manage to make us look like the guilty as he did with Brian. None of us will do something stupid only because we are mad and frustrated because of what happened." She said and I narrowed my eyes.

"Are you saying that we'll let Brian be sentenced of life without parole? After all that Brian has done for us? After he saved our fucking lives? After he risked his own life and was arrested in order to protect us? Are you saying that we will do nothing to take him out of jail? Are you saying that we will do nothing at all while the fucking criminal of Jim is at large, running free?" I asked in a harsh way owing to my incredulity and wrath. Mandy looked at Jen in the same fierce way.

"Come on, Darren! Do you really think I'll stay idly? Of course not." Jen responded, also harshly and a bit irked. "I'm just saying that we must not act in a stupid, impetuous and hasty way. We must act cleverly, cautiously, and in a legal way. We must do everything in a legal context; that way none of us will be deceived by Jim, Brian will be proven innocent and Jim will be proven guilty. Jim bamboozled us, now we will bamboozle him; but in a legal and clean way. He'll pay for all he has done because we'll recover all the information that Brian has found about him and that he has stolen." Jen said determined, her eyes blazing with fierceness.

"What is your plan?" I asked curiously.

"For starters, I'll appoint an attorney for Brian. The best attorney in the state: David Boies. He is friends with my dad and he owes me a favor; it's time to ask for that favor. Then I'll hire the best private investigator, Joseph W. Biondo; he'll follow this case and will help gathering the evidence to prove Brian's innocence, and I'll also request him to investigate Jim; that way we will recover the information that Jim has stolen. Once that we gather all the information about Jim, I'll hire David Boies again, this time to start a lawsuit against Jim. And fuck, that asshole will die in jail." Jen clenched her teeth and made a furious grimace. We all were looking at her stunned. "Now, if you excuse me... I'll call David Boies."

---

It was the day of the final judgment, the day of the verdict. All of you have already testified, including Jim. Despite the suggestion of the counsel that Jen hired, and forgetting about Jim's threats, you testified in favor of Brian's innocence. You declared everything that happened in fact, not what Jim testified. Jen, Darren, Chuck, Lucy and Mandy testified in favor of Brian's innocence, but they didn't dare to tell what happened in fact; they took the counsel's suggestion and you couldn't understand why. Things got worse when the director of the crime laboratory testified, saying that the only fingerprints he found in the evidence matched perfectly with Brian's. Now you were very afraid that you'd lose the case and Brian would be found to be guilty. It was 10 am and all of you were in the courtroom. Mr. Boies of the defense counsel came in and indicated that Brian was already on the way from his cell. At 10:30 Brian was brought in. The police officer in charge of Brian and another police officer led the way. Brian's gait was unusual as he appeared in the doorway; it was because he was brought into court manacled and the police officers had held him by each arm. Walking through a crowd inside the courtroom, Brian looked ahead, his head bowed slightly and his eyes now up and now downcast. His face was very white, and there was even then a look of terror in his eyes. You smiled half-heartedly at him, and he looked at you without smiling; so you bit your lip in an effort to keep from tears. The jurors took their seats. There was a long wait, in deep silence, while the judge remained in his chambers. Brian sat dejectedly in his chair. He watched the jurors for a few minutes, apparently looking into every face as if in search of some hope. Then he turned his eyes away and sat staring straight ahead. Finally the police officer went into the judge's chambers. At last, after a wait of eight minutes, during which the mass reaction of those in the room to the suspense was apparent, the judge came out of his chambers.

"Oyez, Oyez!" The court orderly intoned and everybody rose until the judge was in his place.

"You may be seated." The judge tapped gently twice with his gavel and sat down. The jury was polled by a court attendant, each juror answering "Here!" as his or her name was called. "Brian Thomas Clerk." Began the judge in his quiet yet firm tone, looking down from the bench at Brian through his horn-rimmed glasses. "You have been convicted of murder in the first degree, kidnapping, assault and battery, and extortion."

Brian followed the judge closely with his eyes throughout the charge, without showing any sign of its effect on him except for the rapid blinking of his eyes. You also watched the judge intently without any show of emotion, but feeling extremely nervous and worried; you could feel your heart pounding as you were playing with your fingers, your hands sweating.

"Let the record reflect that the defense is present with the counsel for the defendant. Both sides ready to proceed. It has been brought to my attention that the jury has reached a verdict. State?" The judge asked.

"State is ready to proceed, your honor."

"Defense?" The judge asked again.

"Defense is ready, your honor." Mr. Boies answered.

"To those in the gallery please do not express any signs of approval or disapproval upon the reading of the verdict." The judge requested. "State recognizes the jury?"

"We do."

"Does the defense?" The judge asked, looking fixedly at Mr. Boies.

"Yes, sir, we do." Mr. Boies responded gently.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?" The judge asked, looking at the jury.

"Yes, your honor, we have." The foreman of the jury responded.

"Will the defendant rise along with counsel?" The judge requested and Brian and Mr. Boies stood up.

You looked at Brian with red-rimmed eyes, but you did not weep. You could barely take in the stress you were feeling. Your body began to tremble and Darren, next to you, placed a hand on your shoulder to calm you.

"Mr. Foreman, you may publish the court verdict." The judge ordered and the foreman nodded and stood up. He cleared his throat and read the verdict.

"We, the jury, find the defendant, Brian Thomas Clerk…" The foreman read with absolute clarity. You closed your eyes and your heart increased its pace in those seconds of extreme tension in which time seemed to have stopped. "To be guilty of first degree murder, kidnapping, assault and battery, and extortion, as charged in the indictment and assess his punishment at imprisonment in the State Penitentiary for life without parole." He finished reading and you opened your eyes abruptly, dropping your mouth and looking at him in complete horror and incredulity, your eyes filling with tears.

"Members of the jury, listen to your verdict as it stands recorded. You say you find the defendant Brian Thomas Clerk guilty and so say you all?" The judge asked.

"Yes." The jurors answered in unison. Your felt a pang in your heart, a twinge in your stomach, and your lips began to quiver as few, quick tears fell down your cheeks.

"My opinion is that your verdict is a correct verdict, and what I was particularly pleased about was the time which you took to deliberate in this case. I will judge the defendant Brian Thomas Clerk to be guilty of those counts and order that he must be fingerprinted in an open court at this time." The judge voiced. You propped your forehead in your hand and widened your eyes in disturbance and fear, feeling very dizzy. "Considering the origin of the defendant, the sentence of the court is that you, the said Brian Thomas Clerk, suffer death at the time and place, and in the manner provided by law." He added and your heart stopped beating and your bowels suddenly churned as a chill ran throughout your body. "And the court will hand to the police officer a warrant appointing the week beginning Monday, the twenty-two of January, 2007, as the week within which such sentence must be executed in the manner provided by law. You are now remanded to the custody of the police officer." He sentenced.

There was a murmur in the court and a rustle of papers as you began to gasp for air because you were choking owing to your shock and consternation. You placed a hand on your chest and applied pressure on it, your body shaking fiercely and tears flowing down your cheeks. It was as if the judge's words had knocked every wisp of air from your lungs, and you were struggling to inhale, to exhale, to do anything. Darren embraced you to try to reassure you, but he was also shaking. You felt your world falling apart, you felt queasy and nauseous; your ears were ringing and your vision was blurred. Your throat tightened and you started shaking your head. Brian stood silent and motionless, his face ashen white and terror in his deep-set green eyes, while he heard the jury state its verdict and the judge pronounce sentence.

"No, no! He is innocent! Innocent!" You yelled with strangled voice as Darren pulled your face to his chest and stroked your hair. "He is innocent!"

"Quiet, please!" The courtroom guards kept shouting as a murmur swept through the spectators. The judge tapped twice with his gavel and everybody got silent.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, on behalf of everybody concerned, I would like to express my sincere thanks and appreciation for your service as jurors. You are excused now." The judge said while looking at the jury. "Court is adjourned."

It was exactly 11:10 when his guards led Brian out of the courtroom in the same way as he had entered, one man holding him by each arm. His face was white as a death mask, his eyes sunken. With teary eyes, Brian gave a half-nod and a half-smile to you as he walked past you and went through the door to his cell with his head down and his eyes lowered. The jurors were still sitting in their places as Brian disappeared from view. You dropped your weight on the floor and burst out tears, crying in abject misery with great sobs, covering your face with your shaky hands. Darren squatted next to you, helped you to stand up and held you tightly to reassure you. But there was no enough reassurance for this. Brian was sentenced at death of crimes he did not commit. Brian was condemned at death when all he did was to save your lives while Jim, the real guilty, was free. Jim. You looked rabidly at him through your tears and noticed he was looking at you with a wicked smirk; and before you could approach him to attack him, he left the courtroom. You began to pant and whimper, feeling frustrated, angry, but above all, grief-stricken. Darren and Chuck helped you to walk out the courtroom, Lucy followed you, and Joey was trying to reassure Mandy who was weeping disconsolately. Jen, instead, walked towards Mr. Boies. When you were outside, you finally dared to look at Darren. He was looking at you with sorrow, his own eyes shimmering with tears.

"Why?" You sobbed and wrapped your arms around him, burying your head on his chest as he enfolded his arms around you.

"I don't know." He responded with brittle voice, his body trembling against yours.

"This is not over!" You suddenly heard Jen's voice shouting with absolute indignation and conniption.

You and Darren parted to look at her. She was huffing and roaring, her face was reddened, her nostrils flaring and her eyes flashing. But after a few seconds, her huff turned into panting, and her eyes blazing with anger became moist before she started crying with deep sadness. If Jen was crying in that despondent way, it could only insure that the sentence was definitive and Brian was subject to capital punishment. There was nothing that could mend the hole that appeared in your heart in the moment you came to terms with the fact that your best friend was going to die because he chose to save you.

---

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, my head bowed down, staring at the drumsticks with which I was playing between my fingers, the drumsticks that Brian gave me. I remembered the verdict the jury stated and the sentence the judge pronounced yesterday morning. Since that morning, I never stopped playing with these drumsticks. Ever since that morning, the hollow in my chest and this sense of dismay continued engulfing me. It was such the dejection I was feeling that I couldn't leave my bedroom since that morning; all I wanted to do was to hold these drumsticks because they were the only thing that could make me feel that my best friend was still here, that he was never sentenced at death. I was feeling mournful, but I couldn't cry, even if I tried to cry to release this pain in the chest; I simply couldn't. I was feeling the kind of sadness that seeps into your bones rather than explodes in a cascade of tears. I couldn't deal with the fact that he was for real sentenced at death; that it was a definitive sentence and that the case was over. It was a miscarriage of justice and it was so unfair; they were going to execute an innocent man. Where was the justice in that? That judgment had nothing of justice. My brain was desperately scrambling to make sense of it all.

"A letter has arrived. It's from the attorney... Apparently the court has already settled a time, place, and manner to execute the sentence." I heard Jen's frantic voice coming from the living room.

When I heard that, my heart skipped a bit and I felt a cold chill. I put the drumsticks in the pockets of my jeans and, for the first time since the trial, I left the bedroom. I silently walked to the living room, where everybody was; I noticed how Mandy followed me, she was also locked in her bedroom and, unlike me, she was tear-stained and had puffy, reddened eyes and mottled skin. She glanced at me, but quickly lowered her gaze out of shame and walked towards Joey who embraced her. Chuck and Lucy were sitting, looking at Jen who was standing with the letter in her shaky hands. Freckles was sitting on the floor, with a laptop, lots of papers around her and a bunny teddy; apparently she hasn't stopped searching for something that could free Brian and could imprison Jim.

"Freckles..." Chuck called up and Freckles finally stopped typing something and looked at him.

"What?" She asked absentminded. She was clearly not aware of what was happening around her. Chuck gestured in the direction of Jen and she looked at her. "What is it?" She asked with wobbly voice, looking at the letter.

"A letter from the attorney. It's about Brian's sentence. Shall I read it?" Jen asked and Freckles was white as chalk. Her eyes and her mouth were frozen wide open, and although she was staring straight at Jen, she appeared not to notice her at all. Then she gulped and nodded. "It is ordered by the Court that the sentence of the defendant, Brian Thomas Clerk, shall be carried into execution by the San Quentin State Prison located in unincorporated San Quentin, Marin County, California, United States, the 12th day of February at 6 pm by intravenous injection in a lethal quantity sufficient to cause death and until such convict is dead, in accordance with the statutes so provided by the direction of the San Quentin State Prison. It is further ordered that the defendant shall be transported to said prison the 18th day of January where he will be confined until the day of execution. Now, in witness whereof, I have affixed the Official Seal of this Court on this the 16th day of January, 2007. Clerk of the Circuit Court." Jen finished reading with breathy voice.

I heard Mandy's high-pitched wail and how she buried her face in Joey's chest as I was seeing how Freckles ran a shaky hand over her face that turned ashen, face stuck in an incredulous expression. Jen left the letter on the coffee table, her fingers were jumping rhythmically, as if in spasm, and she started walking around with stiff gait due to her agitation. I looked down and put a hand in the pocket of my jeans to hold tightly the drumsticks, biting my lips strongly.

"He will be transported to San Quentin State Prison the 18th? That is in two days." Lucy commented in a whisper, frowning and looking down.

"Isn't that date too early to execute the sentence? I mean, I don't know so much about this stuff... But I've been researching on the issue and... well, um... I read that the execution date shall not be less than 60 days from the time of making the order." Joey commented troubled.

"That is right, Joey." Jen answered and sighed. "But Mr. Boies said that being that Brian was charged and sentenced of many crimes of first degree, he is considered a highly dangerous inmate; therefore, the time period was reduced." She explained distressed.

"A highly dangerous inmate?" I heard Freckles' voice asking in a very cold, frigid way, her eyes darkening and blazing with anger as she looked at Jen. "What is that attorney you hired, Jen? The best in the state my ass! He has done nothing but impair Brian's situation. Not only he did nothing when Brian was sentenced at death, but he also did nothing to appeal to not reduce the time period to execute the sentence after making the order. He has done a terribly mediocre job; he did not make any effort to search for evidence that could prove his innocence, and he even suggested you not to say what happened for real that day! What kind of asshole attorney have you hired Jen? You've hired the worst attorney because you really didn't care about Brian! You never cared a damn shit and now he is sentenced at death!" Freckles yelled madly, her voice husky, her eyes glistening with tears, and her face reddened owing to this sudden outburst of rage. All of us gasped and looked at Freckles astonished as Jen looked at her deeply distressed, tears shimmering in her own eyes.

"I understand your frustration, Freckles. But this is not Jen's fault. On the contrary, all Jen has done was to help Brian because she does care about him." I talked for the first time, my voice sounding guttural. Freckles turned her face to look at me in a very rabid way.

"No, she doesn't care! None of you care about Brian! You're just pretending to be sad now that he was sentenced at death! But you don't really care! None of you!" She shouted, pointing at each one of us. "If you'd really cared about him, you'd have testified in favor of his innocence in the court as I did! You'd have told the truth of the events and not just a poor version of reality as the damn attorney suggested! You were too coward to tell the truth! You care more about yourselves than for Brian, so don't you dare to play the good friend who cares card with me! You had the chance to show that you cared in the trial, but you've dismissed it! And now, thanks to all of you and your testimonies, Brian is gonna suffer the lethal injection in less than a month!" Freckles yelled with brittle voice while weeping out of anger and sadness. And I felt angry as well. I held the drumsticks tightly to try to decrease the anger, but I failed.

"Don't you ever dare to say again that I do not care, Freckles! Have you heard me? Don't you fucking dare!" I screamed insanely, pointing at Freckles with the drumsticks as she gasped in stupor and others looked at me dumbfounded. "If I did not tell the whole truth in my statement in court, it is not because I don't care about Brian! On the contrary! It is because I care about him too much that I was freaking out that if I told the truth, Jim was gonna order his inmate friends to kill him! And it is for that same reason that none of us told the whole truth; so don't you dare to blame us now and say we don't care!" I screamed with wobbly voice, my body trembling because of the fury.

"Guess what, Darren? Brian is gonna die anyway thanks to that fear!" Freckles answered back in a yell. I saw Jen and Mandy looking down, letting their tears fall. "Nobody stood for him in court, nobody said anything, nobody did a damn thing! You just bowed your head down and accepted the sentence, not even attempted to fight for his innocence when he fought for us to save us!" Freckles' voice cracked as frantic tears were streaming down her face. "My friends is gonna die because of crimes he did not commit! My friend is gonna die because he chose to save our lives!" She wailed and cried heartrendingly.

"Do you really think you are the only one suffering because of that?" I asked with strangled voice as I felt how tears were pricking the corner of my eyes. "Brian is my friend, too! He is my bro friend!"

For the first time since the sentence, I broke into tears, letting myself drop on the floor, holding the drumsticks to my heart. I've never cried this hard in my life and I didn't care that others were looking at me; I just didn't know any other way I could face the fact that my friend was sentenced at death very unfairly. Nonetheless, the crying didn't bring any sort of release; it just brought more pain and despair. My hands tightened on the drumsticks as I was wishing this could be just a bad dream. I felt a pair of arms embracing me as I curled up in a ball.

"I know he is your friend, too." Freckles whispered in my ear, stroking my curls. "And I'm so sorry for all I said. I know all of you care about him and I understand why you didn't tell the whole truth in court. You are not to blame, you never were. I was just trying to release all the anger and frustration within me and I just vented it out to you, accusing you of things that you're not guilty. I'm so sorry. I just don't know what to do to reverse this nightmare and it's driving me nuts. I'm sorry." She explained with choked voice and began to let out distressing tears as I enfolded my arms around her to share this same pain we were feeling.

"I don't want him to die, Freckles." I whimpered, tightening my hold onto the drumsticks as Freckles let out a wail.

"He's not gonna die. We will find something; we'll find a way... We won't let him die." Freckles whispered with strangulated voice. "We're a team, remember? And Brian is part of the team." She tried to say encouragingly.

I smiled slightly at it. But both of us knew that most probably we wouldn't find anything too crucial to undo the sentence.

---

It was January 23 and Brian was already transported to San Quentin State Prison in Marin County. You decided to miss this month of the second semester in college to be near Brian and thoroughly investigate any evidence that could prove his innocence and undo his death penalty. Hence, you were now staying in the Extended Stay Deluxe hotel in San Rafael, just few miles away from San Quentin State Prison. Joey and Darren returned to Ann Arbor and they were trying to find Kelly, Jim's twin, so that they could find the information that Brian knew; Mandy returned to LA because she had a company to run, but she was researching about Jim by her own; Jen, Chuck and Lucy stayed in NYC, still working with the attorney about Brian's case and working with the private investigator to find any clue about Jim and where he was. Now it was 8 am and you were at the Visitor Center of the prison, waiting to the time you would be processed to visit, with your numbered pass. This was your first visit, so you were a bit impatient being that you haven't seen Brian since the day he was sentenced. When your number was called, you had to fill out a pass and the staff checked with a computer Brian's file, to make sure you were an approved visitor. After a while, the staff marked the pass with the Brian's housing and noted the visit was non-contact.

"Non-contact visit? Really?" You asked in disbelief.

"Yes, miss. Non-contact visit owing to the prisoner's crimes. No physical contact is allowed between the inmate and visitor." The man answered.

"Come on! This is my first visit. Cannot we, like, stretch a point?" You asked, looking deeply into his eyes.

"I'm afraid we can't, miss." He answered roundly.

"Please, sir, I beg you. Just this once." You said supplicant, looking desperately at him. He stared fixedly at you and then he sighed.

"Just this once." He replied and you grinned thankfully at him as he changed the pass to 'contact visit'.

After that, you had to show your ID and take off your purse to place it on a conveyor belt for an x-ray search as you had to clear a metal detector. After clearing the metal detector, the man stamped the back of one of your hands with an ultraviolet ink stamp as you frowned, not getting why you had to do all of these things. Then you finally arrived to the visiting room that was indicated in the pass. You had to turn in the pass to one police officer and then you had to surrender your ID. The police officer used the information on the pass to call the housing unit and advise Brian that he had a visit and should come to the visiting room. The police officer led you to a small table where you sat and waited for Brian to arrive. You observed the room and you felt very uncomfortable because of the continuous surveillance by several correctional officers with firearms and batons, walking throughout the room. When you turned your gaze absently, you saw Brian in an orange jumpsuit, being escorted by two correctional officers, his hands and ankles handcuffed. Your eyes suddenly swam with tears and you hurried to scrub them from your face, a smile crossed your lips and your heart began to beat faster as Brian was approaching you. When he reached you, he grinned faintly and you stood up quickly and threw your arms around his neck as he briefly kissed your temple.

"You shall part now." One of the correctional officers spoke with gruff voice.

You frowned and shot him a withering look, but then you looked at Brian again and smiled sweetly at him. Nevertheless, the smile didn't last too much when you noticed that his face was bearded and looked haggard, as if he hadn't slept in days, and also bony, as if he hadn't eaten in days; and that was when you noticed that he had lost too much weight. Despite your anguish, you tried to smile again and you held his hand.

"Let's sit, shall we?" You suggested and he just nodded. You helped him to sit on one chair because the handcuffs were making him make awkward movements.

"Distance." A correctional officer commanded and you looked at him upset.

"Perhaps if you didn't have him handcuffed, I wouldn't have the need to do this, officer." You answered back. "I would like some privacy now." You requested coldly and the officer leered at you and let out a scornful chuckle, shaking his head.

"Sunny..." Brian finally spoke, his voice sounding humdrum. "He has to stay. Those are the rules."

"Well, in that case, I'd politely ask you if you can recede a few steps. It is not part of rules to stand too close; so, if you don't do it, I'll file a complaint." You stated very firmly, looking fixedly at the correctional officer. He leered at you with contempt, but he did step away. You sat in front of Brian, looked at him and held his hands as he looked around a bit nervous. "Don't worry, it is allowed to hold hands." You said and Brian nodded. You smiled kindly at him as you brushed his hands with your thumbs. "I missed you." You whispered.

"I missed you, too." He whispered with a weak smile; his eyes dull and sunken. You felt a pang in your heart when you noticed that the captivating twinkle in his eyes was gone. He looked really dejected. "It's really nice to see you again; not one day went by that I didn't feel you missing from my life. I wasn't expecting you to be here." He added, looking deeply into your eyes, intertwining his fingers with yours.

"Well, you'll see me more often, because I'm staying in San Rafael." You answered with a wide smile.

"What about college?" He puckered his brows.

"I'll miss the first classes of this semester. No big deal. I want to be here near you rather than to attend those classes." You shrugged and he looked down.

"You shouldn't miss those classes because of me, Sunny." He whispered and you frowned, trying to make sense of what he said. How could he say something like that?

"If it was me the one imprisoned, would you choose to be near me or attend your courses?" You questioned as he looked down. "There you have your answer, Bri. You're way more important than millions of silly courses." You squeezed his hands, trying to find his pale green eyes. "Tell me, how are you?" You asked, trying to cheer up the mood. He looked up and gave you a slight smile, yet his eyes were expressionless, weird on him.

"Fine. It's not so bad." He shrugged but you noticed he was lying. You didn't say anything, you remained scrutinizing his eyes, trying to find out what was wrong. Then you leaned to get closer to him.

"Brian, is someone threatening you?" You whispered.

"Keep the distance!" The correctional officer shouted and you huffed and sat upright.

"Brian?" You repeated and he looked away.

"No, no one is threatening me." He responded, his voice slightly trembling. Another lie.

"Is someone abusing you, whether physically or emotionally?" You asked in a whisper and his eyes lowered.

"No." His voice was barely heard. He lied again.

"Who is bullying you? Other inmates or correctional officers?" You asked bluntly. Then Brian finally looked up at you.

"Sunny, this is a maximum security prison; it means it holds notorious and very dangerous inmates, especially murderers and rapists. There are gangs, homemade weapons, and much corruption. And I'm a newbie here, so yeah, intimidation happens... among other things." He looked away as you were looking terrified at him, though you were trying to hide your horror. He looked at you again and grinned softly to ease you. "But I am here, talking to you; that means I am fine. I'm still alive... Well, at least until February 12." He tried to joke but you didn't laugh because that was a morbid joke that brought you nothing but sorrow.

You were about to say something, until you heard a squeal that made you jump and look at that direction. A young girl who was sitting at a table —not far from where you were— was pointing at your table, smiling widely as though she was excited about something. You frowned slightly and looked at the inmate who was with the girl; he was looking at your table amazed. The young swarthy girl with dark curls and dark eyes ran with hops to where you and Brian were.

"You are Brian Clerk!" She squealed excited and both you and Brian raised your eyebrows in surprise. "Your picture is in one of my favorite books of all times! You're the writer of Hiding My Heart Away, aren't you?" She asked very animated as Brian dropped his mouth and you frowned with an amused grin.

"Yeah... Yes, I am..." Brian babbled, stunned; but seconds later he smiled at the young girl.

"I am a big fan!" She exclaimed in a squeal, grinning with all her teeth. "Can you give me an autograph?" She requested cheerfully and Brian puckered his brows, disconcerted.

"It is not allowed to talk to the visitors of other inmates!" A correctional officer yelled with throaty voice.

"I'm sorry, sir. I just want to get an autograph from him." The young girl excused herself.

"You are not allowed to do so. Return to your place or I will terminate the visit." The officer ordered strictly and the young girl rolled her eyes and huffed. However, she looked at Brian again and grinned broadly.

"Your book is simply lovely and you are a very talented writer. I'm sure that after serving your sentence, you'll be a success!" She grinned and bounced as you pursed your lips and Brian looked down with a faint smile and sad eyes, nodding slightly, probably thinking that there wouldn't be an 'after serving the sentence'. "Well, I have to go now... But it was really nice to meet such an inspiring person." She giggled happily and returned to her table. You returned your gaze to Brian and noticed his eyes were glazed with tears.

"It is so crazy what just happened." He let out a strangled chuckle and you looked sadly at him when he looked up at you with his teary green eyes. "Sometimes it is crazy to imagine there's a whole world out these prison bars and these handcuffs. Sometimes it feels so crazy to think that outside this prison I had a life, I had projects and dreams for the future. It is all gone now." He said with choked voice as he finally let escape the tears he was holding back. Your eyes filled with tears and you felt your heart breaking when you heard what he said.

"Don't say that, Bri." You whispered gently, squeezing his hands. "I swear that I'll take you out this prison. I swear that I'll undo your sentence. You will resume all of your projects and dreams; so don't give up, because I won't give up. I'll do whatever it takes and I won't rest until I get it. I swear on my life, Bri." You stated with brittle voice as few tears raced down your cheeks. You tried to encourage him, but he just shook his head as more tears fell down his face.

"I killed a man, Sunny." He let out a muffled wail.

"You didn't kill anyone, Brian." You frowned and looked at him troubled as he looked down, bit his lips and tilted his head while wiping his tears away, his hands trembling slightly. "Hey, listen to me." You squeezed his hands to get his attention. "You didn't kill anyone. You've been convicted of crimes you did not commit because Jim made sure to plant false evidence. You didn't kill Jack, Jim did. You shot him in self-defense; not only in self-defense, but also in defense of a group of 7 people. You've been forced to shoot because you've been threatened; it was against your will. You shot him, but you didn't kill him. Jim was the one who shot Jack to death; if Jim hadn't shot Jack, Jack would have been alive by now, because you shot him in the stomach and Jim shot him in the head. I want you to understand that, Brian." You said with absolute clarity, trying to look into his eyes that were avoiding you.

"Sunny, it doesn't change the fact that a man is dead because of my fault. I am a murderer." He uttered with strangled voice and what he said froze your blood.

"You are not a murderer. You are a victim of the real murderer." You said with wobbly voice, but in a very convinced way. "And all I've told you is gonna help to undo the sentence; all of us are working with the attorney, the private investigator and other resources to get you out of this damn place. So I beg you to understand that you are not guilty of those crimes; and if there's anything that you're guilty of, is to save us all." You said assertively, not taking your eyes off him. "I'll take you out of here, it is a vow." You stated surefire and he finally looked up at you, his green eyes reflecting bleakness.

"Sunny, I don't want you to waste your time and energy on something that it is not worth it because it is too late to change. We're less than 3 weeks away from the day of my execution and I don't want you to feel a huge disappointment and frustration when that day comes. I don't want you to stop living your life in order to find any kind of evidence that won't be enough to change this fact. Don't do it, Sunny." He said pleadingly and you stared at him fixedly, trying to hold back your tears as your lips were quivering.

"Give me a little credit. I need you to believe in me, Brian." Your voice cracked as tears rolled down your cheeks. "I need you to believe that I'll get it. I need you to believe that you're gonna be free again because you are not guilty. Please, believe in me, in us." You looked at him in complete despair and sorrow as he tilted his head and grinned sadly at you.

"I believe in you; I always did and will always do till my dying day. I believe in us." He whispered gently as his eyes were moist with tears. "But just as I know you way too much to believe in you; I also know you way too much to know that you're not gonna sleep, eat, take care of yourself and enjoy your life for the purpose of undoing my sentence." He added and you lowered your gaze, aware that he was telling nothing but the truth. But you didn't care about yourself. You wanted to do it for him. "I beg you, Sunny; I beg you not to do it." He implored and you shook your head, biting your quivering lips. "I love you so much to let you do it. I love you so much to see how you miss out on your chance to be happy with your loved ones just because you are trying to do something to undo this sentence."

"I love you so much, too. And you are one of my loved ones, Brian." You blubbered with you gaze down, feeling the lump in throat and how the tears were dripping from your chin. He squeezed your hands so you looked at him.

"I know, Sunny." He gave you a sweet smile. "Do you remember how I asked you to promise me that in another life we will do everything that in this life we didn't get to do together? Well, maybe that another life will come sooner to me." He whispered softly, the affectionate smile still on his face as you wailed and closed your eyes, letting fall more tears. "I also told you that your happiness means everything to me; and that I will listen for your voice in the distance and I will carry your smile with me everywhere; I'll add that I'll do it even after life." He continued saying lovingly and you wished he could stop saying those things because it was breaking your heart. "And I want you to remember that you promised me that you'll be happy. Do not break that promise."

"Don't play with me like that, Brian. It hurts." You tried to utter, your voice sounding wheezy. He puckered his brows and looked at you sadly.

"I'm not playing with you, Sunny. I'm just reminding you that you already have a commitment to me; and it is not to undo this sentence, it is to be happy." He replied.

"Why are you doing this, Brian?" You questioned, frowning and shaking your head while looking intensely into his eyes. He grinned as though he couldn't get that you were confused and distressed.

"Because I wanna make sure that when I'm not here anymore, you'll still be happy; because that is all I want. I wanna make sure that you'll paint more of thousands landscapes, that you'll get your own art exhibition in one of the best museums, that you'll make it on Broadway, that you'll sing in front of an audience in your own show, that you'll get married and have a family." He answered and, for the first time, a twinkle appeared on his pale green eyes when he let out a short giggle. "I wanna make sure you won't live for me, but you'll live your life, with your own dreams and projects." He finished saying, looking fondly at you, stroking your hands with his thumbs.

"I wanna share all of those moments with you." Your voice cracked as you were already dissolved in a puddle of tears.

"And you will as long as you think about me when it's happening." He beamed kindly and you just shook your head, trying to scrub the tears from your face.

"No, it is not the same. Please, Brian, do not give up. Please." You begged desperately.

"I'm not giving up. I'm making plans for the future; because now my future depends on you and all you're gonna do." He grinned widely as a way to cheer you up; but you just looked down and scowled. You felt how he leaned to plant a kiss on your hands. "Would you smile for me?" He requested in a whisper and when you glanced at him, you noticed his hopeful stare.

"I can't smile, Brian." You responded afflicted and he nodded and shifted his gaze.

It was followed by an abysmal silence, so you glanced at him again and you saw he was staring blankly through one of the barred windows of the visiting room as a silent tear was making its way down through his bony and pale face. You couldn't dismiss the pain you were feeling, but you tried to smile for him because that would make him, at least, a bit happy. When the tear dripped from his chin, you squeezed his hand and he returned his glare to you. In that moment, you made a big effort to smile affectionately at him.

"Thank you." His brittle voice came out as a whisper as he curved his lips upwards. You nodded, thinking it was worth it to make the effort to smile. "Sunny, I know you're working on finding evidence that could prove my innocence just to help me because you care about me." He said and you nodded in affirmation. "But if you really wanna help me, you have to do something else..." He added and you opened your mouth to refuse the obvious thing he was gonna say, but he interrupted you. "No, listen to me. I won't say that you have to forget everything so that you can be happy, though that is what I wish. I know you, so I know I won't convince you. Therefore, I'll make you a deal." He proposed and you looked intently at him. "I will let you help me." He said and you grinned in relief and gladness. "Provided that you won't help me by finding something that can undo my sentence." He added and you frowned, ready to complain about it. But, once again, he interrupted you, this time leaning to whisper in order not be heard by others. "The way you will help me is by finding all the information I had of Jim so that he can be imprisoned. I wanna clarify something... That information won't help to undo my sentence; but I don't want my sentence to be undone, I just wanna make sure that Jim is gonna be imprisoned for life and he won't ever mess again. It is on what I've been working this last year and I wish it can be done; I won't be able to finish it, but my last wish is that someone can finish it for me." He whispered and you frowned and looked down. You were not so contented with this deal. "Listen to me very intently, Sunny. Jim stole all the information I had of him; but what he didn't know is that I have it somewhere else." He whispered and you looked at him abruptly, your heart beating fast. "You must look in Darren's apartment, where my bedroom was. Under my bed, there's a hole under a loose parquet block. There's the last USB flash memory device in which I have all the information about Jim. I beg you to be careful about it. Tell my attorney to stop working on my lost case and ask him to work on Jim's case. You'll help me greatly if you do that, Sunny." He whispered with wobbly voice as you were looking at him stunned, open-mouthed.

"Are you telling me there's all the information necessary to imprison the asshole of Jim?" You asked loudly with wheezy voice.

"Quiet, Sunny..." Brian looked around a bit nervous, then returned his gaze to you. "Jim has contacts in here, we must not talk loud." He whispered and you nodded, also looking around nervously. "Yes, there's all the information." He grinned softly and you felt a huge relief. Not everything was lost. "Will you work on that?" He asked and you nodded energetically.

"Most definitely." You asserted and he gulped and smiled thankfully. "I'll work on both cases, yours and Jim's." You added and Brian scowled.

"No, Sunny. We have a deal." He spoke with absolute clarity.

"I never said I agreed to that deal." You pointed out and he sighed and looked down. "Brian, you must know that I'm not the only one who is working on your case. Darren, Joey, Mandy, Chuck, Lucy and Jen are also working, besides the attorney and the private investigator. Do you really think we cannot manage working on two cases at the same time?" You questioned with an encouraging look. Brian shut his eyes and sighed again.

"Sunny..." He opened his eyes again and looked at you with great distress. "I believe in you, but Jim has made a good move in his favor and you won't find enough evidence to undo the sentence. You'll feel highly disappointed and I don't want you to feel that."

"No, I'm not gonna be disappointed. I'll know that I did not stay idle when I could have done something, that at least I tried my best. Let me feel that." You responded, looking deeply into his green eyes that were now looking down as he was shaking his head. "Why is that you seem not to want the sentence to be undone?" You questioned, scanning his eyes to try to find the answer. "I know it's not because you think I cannot get it. Moreover, I think it's because you think I can get it and you don't want it. Why is that?" You questioned and he pursed his lips and looked away, troubled. "Brian?" You hurried him.

"Because I deserve to die!" He blurted and you gasped, dropped your jaw and widened your eyes, aghast. Brian, realizing he said something he apparently didn't want to say, looked away. "It doesn't matter if that murder was the result of self-defense, I killed a man. I was the one who caused his death. I am a damn murderer and I completely despise the person I became. I cannot go about a day without having nightmares, without feeling remorseful and full of guilt and shame over my actions, without thinking that I've deprived someone's right to live his life and that I've robbed Jack's family of the most precious thing in life." He started confessing with choked voice as tears began to fall from his disturbed, frightened eyes. You were staring fixedly at him through your own tears as your body was slightly shivering and your lips quivering. "The sound of his scream, his crying, the sounds of his struggle to breathe, his body lying on the pool of blood, and the image of the life coming out of his eyes stays with me; it comes out all along during the night and the day." He sobbed with breathy voice, his face reflecting sheer perturbation and turmoil as you were shocked, feeling a sharp pressure on your chest. "I feel that I've done the world a great disservice, and that I owe a debt that I can never fully repay; not even by forfeiting my own life." He panted as though he was lacking air, while a steady stream of tears were flowing down his bony cheeks from his tear-stained eyes. You were staring at him agape as a seemingly endless flow of tears were coming out your eyes. "I can't keep living; that is why I don't want the sentence to be undone." He whispered as he let out your hands to wipe his tears away.

As an explanation to your question, you were expecting him to tell you that someone was bullying him or something similar, but not this. This took you by surprise and it devastated you. Jim not only managed to imprison Brian of crimes he did not commit; he managed to steal from him his soul and his little light of happiness that remained on him. He stole from Brian his life, even before the day he would stop breathing.

"I won't rest until I get to undo the sentence." You stated roundly and he looked up at you afflicted, letting out a frustrated wail. "And then, I won't rest until I get to make you see the real lovely person you are and not the person you think you are right now." You held his hands tightly, looking intensely into his despondent eyes. "I won't rest until I get to bring you back to life." You insured firmly, your voice cracking a little. "And don't you dare to attempt to change my mind, because you know that I'm the most stubborn person you've ever met." You added with a soft grin as he let out a muffled chuckle. At least you got to make him laugh. "Besides, your dad told me to smile because you and I were given the chance to be the greatest and lifelong best friends; and you see, we can't be lifelong friends if you're not here next to me. Therefore, I shall fight for you and you shall fight for me. And that... That is our deal." You smiled sweetly and he looked at you with tears in his eyes, but this time grinning grateful. Then you pulled out your pinky finger. "Probably we shouldn't be doing this because we're in a prison and this is not manly as fuck as you're supposed to act..." You tried to joke to cheer him up and it worked because he giggled softly. "But screw that!" You exclaimed and he giggled again, pulling out his pinky finger. You intertwined your pinky fingers and looked deeply into each other's eyes. "Pinky promise that we are gonna fight for each other and nothing, nobody, never, is gonna bring us down and separate us."

"Pinky promise." He replied as a twinkle appeared on his eyes for a split second; but that was enough. You took his hands to your lips and kissed them. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life. I love you, Sunny."

"I'm the lucky one. And I love you, too, Bri. And I need you. I want you to notice that's the reason why the sentence must be undone." You said and he grinned faintly and nodded. At least he nodded.

"Your time for visits is over, Clerk." A correctional officer voiced next to your table. Brian looked at him and nodded.

"Would you give us a minute of privacy to say goodbye, please?" You asked politely and the officer looked at you in a cocky way.

"No, the time is over." He answered arrogantly and you felt irked.

"I requested a minute of privacy to say goodbye; and I'm still thinking about filing a complaint if you don't do your job properly as set out in the regulations, officer." You answered back in a very cold way. "And hugs and kisses are allowed to say goodbye, so I suggest you not to interrupt us if you don't want to risk your job." You added in a frigid way, looking fiercely into his eyes. He clenched his jaw with fury and walked away. Fortunately you read the regulations before coming here.

"You should be a manager, you know, the kind of manager who is in charge to check the employee development." Brian commented a bit amused and you laughed.

After that, you helped him stand up and then you hugged him tightly. He couldn't hug you back, but he leaned to rest his chin on your shoulder and give you a small kiss on the neck. You didn't want to stop hugging him and you didn't want to leave him alone in this horrid place.

"Thank you very much for visiting me, Sunny." He whispered in your ear and you felt the lump in throat. You parted, placed both hands on his cheeks, and made him lean his head to kiss his forehead.

"I heard tomorrow is close custody count day; so I'll come visiting you the day after tomorrow. Is that fine?" You asked with a kind smile and his eyes twinkled.

"Of course that is fine. That would be really nice." He answered with a cheerful smile, despite the sad grimace he had since he was sentenced.

You smiled happily, stood on tiptoe and gave him your cheek to force him to kiss it. He chuckled and gave you a small kiss on the cheek. After that, the correctional officer came, took Brian by his arm and forced him to walk to his cell. You remained looking at Brian as he was going away until he disappeared from your sight. Then you allowed yourself to shed the tears that you were trying to stop all this time in order to cheer Brian up. When you were wiping the tears away, your gaze focused on the table where the young girl who approached Brian was; and you remembered the way that inmate looked at Brian, as though he knew him and he was surprised. Without hesitating, you walked towards there. Once you were there, the inmate and the young girl looked at you.

"You know him, don't you? The person I came to visit. You know him?" You asked with shaky voice, knowing that you weren't allowed to do this. The inmate looked at you astonished and nodded. "Is he in the same housing than you?" You asked and he nodded again. Your lips began to quiver and your eyes filled with tears. "Could you keep an eye on him? Could you, please, take care of him? I beg you, I desperately beg you to protect him. There are people who want to hurt him, so I'd do anything for you if you can protect him. I beg you." You implored with strangled voice as a puddle of tears poured out from your eyes. The young girl looked at you sadly and she held one of your hands, so you looked at her and she smiled gently.

"Don't worry, he'll protect him." She said softly and then she turned her face to the inmate. "Verdad que lo harás, Carlos?" She asked in Spanish and the inmate looked at you and grinned softly.

"I will." He asserted and you sobbed and smiled.

"Miss, you are not allowed to do that! Your visiting time is over!" A correctional officer shouted.

"Ugh, stupid officers." The young girl huffed and rolled her eyes as she let out your hand and you giggled softly.

"Thank you very much, Carlos." You tried to utter properly and then you turned around. But when you were about to walk away, he spoke.

"He is a good guy, one of the nicest people I know. I'm not quite sure why I met him here." He said and you turned your face to look at him distressed.

"He's innocent and has been convicted of crimes he did not commit." You responded and Carlos nodded.

"I will protect him. You may go in peace because my word is my bond." He assured and you grinned grateful at him.

You finally left the prison and arrived to the hotel room. You had to take a time to lie in bed, close your eyes and try to erase from your mind that image of unhealthy, haggard and bony version of Brian. You tried to picture him as that guy you knew, overflowing with kindness, always looking at you with bright eyes and an affectionate smile; but it was hard to picture now. Incarceration and his death penalty have already changed him too much; not to talk about the reasons why he didn't want the sentence to be undone. You still had to call Darren and tell him to look for the information of Jim; but you decided to do it later and just relax a bit now, otherwise, you'd explode out of stress. You were starting to doze when your phone rang. It was an incoming call from Jen. You picked up the call, decided to tell her what Brian told you about the information in Darren's apartment.

"Hi, Jen." You said with unusual cheerless voice.

"Freckles!" She basically squealed, her voice sounding extremely high-pitched as if in anxiety and excitement. "Tomorrow Darren, the attorney and I will arrive at San Rafael." She announced and you puckered your brows. Change of plans pretty much? "We found evidence that will undo Brian's conviction right away!" She screamed and you sat abruptly in bed, wide-eyed, your heart pounding, as a feeling of sudden relief engulfed you.

---

BRIAN'S POV

---

I was walking through a dark corridor, the silence was extreme. I had a gut feeling that nothing good could come after opening the door at the end of the corridor; however, I could not stop walking forward; it seemed it was the only direction I could go. When I touched the door handle, I heard a dreadful, traumatic scream that chilled me; and it was such the trepidation I felt, that I got goose bumps and the blood running through my veins froze. Nonetheless, a push against my will made me open the door. The room was deadly dark; all my senses were numbed, except my sense of hearing. I could hear a gruesome and tormenting sound of someone choking. Those sounds together with a gut-wrenching wail brought me a sense of desperation and angst. I had to find the person who was choking, otherwise the person was gonna die. Panicked, I began to search in the darkness until one of my feet slipped and I fell on the floor, on some sort of thick liquid that soaked my clothes and body. When I looked at the back of my hands, I noticed the liquid was dark red colored. All of a sudden, the room lit up and I found myself soaked on a pool of blood and I flinched and became hysterical. Terror-stricken, I looked all around, trying to make sense of where this pool of blood came from. I found a motionless, deadly pale body with a hole in the head; that was the man who was suffocating from breathing in his own blood. The gunshot blasted part of his skull off, leaving him dead on the floor with brain and blood flowing down through the floor. I felt nauseous and dizzy and I began to strain and retch, consumed by horror due to this torturous moment. I looked all around to find the person who has shot the gun, until I looked down at my own hands and found myself holding the cold gun. My hands began to tremble fiercely, consummated by abject fright out of realizing that I was the one who killed the man in front of me. I couldn't figure out how this happened. Suddenly, I found myself looking my reflection in a mirror; my face ashen and livid with shock, lips white with terror, my eyes sunken and my stare blank; my complete head and hair covered with blood. I was the atrocious murderer. I saw a hand that was injecting me some kind of liquid that stung like hell. I experienced asphyxiation, a severe burning sensation, massive muscle cramping and cardiac arrest. My veins were feeling as though they were being scraped with sandpaper, I was slowly suffocating and I could see my own eyes shutting before I fell into total blackness and my heart stopped beating.

I woke up abruptly with a guttural scream, shivering and sweating. It took me several seconds to understand it was just a nightmare and that I was not in a room full of blood. I curled up in a ball in the moldy mattress of the metal bunk, rested my back against the concrete and cold wall and buried my head on my knees, fiercely rocking back and forth, sniveling and panting. It's been the same since the day I was arrested.

"We have a cry-baby in this prison!" A correctional officer mocked derisively.

It was the same correctional officer who has been making my life miserable since my arrival, the same correctional officer who bothered me and Sunny during all the visiting time. Griffin was his last name.

"Get up, piece of shit!" The officer demanded, but I did not do what he asked. Instead, I tried to calm down. "Have you also cried like a baby when you kidnapped 7 innocent people and put them under a plastic container with lethal chemical, shot one innocent girl in the leg and murdered one innocent young boy?" He scoffed in a scornful way and I let out a muffled wail, digging my fingernails in my legs. "Fucking murderer, kidnapper and sociopath." He spat in my head and finally walked away, hitting his baton in the bars of all the cells to wake everybody, making a disturbing sound.

When I got to calm down, I looked at my cell and I stood up and washed my face. The San Quentin cells just had bars with concrete walls, with one double bunk and a toilet and sink on the back wall; it didn't even have a window; it was like a tiny cage. I was feeling like a caged animal. It was claustrophobic and maddening. Being locked up in this cell was painfully boring, but it was either that or go to the yard and potentially get caught in the middle of a major riot; because in the prison yard the basic coping skill in dealing with chronic anger, fear, frustration, peer pressure, abandonment, loneliness and hopelessness was through violence. It was psychologically wearing me down, because I couldn't even step out for fresh air. All I'd do would be to watch my cell's TV, see all the events and activities going on in society, and get depressed because I made myself an outcast from the outside, a banned human being. All I could do was the best I could to live within those tight walls. I began to brush my teeth and then I started smelling the typical smell of a prison. San Quentin was a very old prison and the ventilation system was non-existent. A door was left open during the day-time to allow fresh air into the building. Prison smelled like a microcosm of pungent smells, like the corpse of a dead animal used to house the lost souls of unwanted men. Besides the sewer smells, smells of smuggled in marijuana and tobacco, disinfectant and smells of funk and dirty clothes; I could also smell neglect, corrosion, and decay mixed with the fear, oppression, and loneliness that comes with incarceration, not to talk about the smell of the blood, sweat, and tears that stained the moldy mattress where I was sleeping minutes ago. Over time, it had become very necessary to desensitize myself to the nefarious odors of prison life. After washing my face, brushing my teeth and peeing; I sat on the mattress and stared blankly at the dirty concrete floor. I was all alone, without much to do or occupy my mind, while I was exhausting myself with thoughts about the traumatic day I was arrested and about the day of my execution. Some of those thoughts would help me to accept my fate, but the fear would always stay and it would never fail to eat me up slowly. Soon enough, my thoughts were interrupted by the direful noise of steel gates being slammed shut and the disquieting screams from other inmates. A noise that was always deafening and excruciating. After a while, the officer Griffin came to my cell and unlocked the steel gate.

"Stand up and come here, piece of shit." He ordered and I did so.

He handcuffed my legs and hands as every day before breakfast. Then he looked at me and spat my face as I remained looking down, biting my lips. Before turning around, he punched the pit of my stomach and such was the harshness with which he hit me, that it took my breath away. I could not help bending to try to get some air, as the officer Griffin laughed viciously and left the cell. I was sent to an extremely violent world where men were brutalized by others for no apparent reason. This world was scary for me, but I had to forget my fears in order to make another day of survival in here. Thus, I stood upright and left my cell to head to the chow hall. Walking through the Death Row block wasn't safe. I had to be in constant alert to dodge some sort of mischief not to find myself in trouble; because that was the problem with the Death Row block: All of us were going to die; it didn't matter what kind of crimes you could do inside prison, you were going to die one way or another, sooner or later. Ever since I arrived here, I witnessed horrible and tormenting events. Once I saw an inmate maiming four inmates, stabbing them in the neck with a pen. Another was a guy who was clearly paranoid schizophrenic; his cell was opposite mine. He started screaming one night and barricaded himself in. He then stripped off and covered himself with baby oil, and started setting fire to his cell. The guards came in riot gear to tackle him, but he was so slippery it was like trying to catch an eel. And he died. Then I saw how a correctional officer shot an inmate to the head when he was trying to escape. Lastly, another time in the yard, I saw how an inmate made a hole as fast as he could to another inmate's stomach with a rusty bolt; he stabbed the other inmate as fast as he could, and then he got a grip inside his stomach and just started pulling out his bowels. All things considered, I've had to develop two sets of eyes. One set for being vigilantly aware of whom I was surrounded by and what they were up to. The other for putting my blinders on and remaining diligent in my mission of doing whatever it takes to attain the ultimate prize of being safe. When I arrived to the chow hall, I decided to sit at a table alone; that would be the best. The quality of the food was the lowest quality available. But the distastefulness of the food had more to do with the unsanitary conditions in which I was forced to eat: birds flying around in the chow hall, usually pigeons, with droppings on the tables or falling from the overhead steel railing on which the birds perch themselves; and preparation, with unclean food trays and overcooked food. Breakfast consisted in cornmeal mush, hard bread with butter, dry and hard beans, and boiled eggs that were cold and had a piece of eggshell laying around. Prison food was horrible as it should be; because it wasn't meant to get a prisoner full, just enough to maintain survival. Therefore, the quality was low, the portions were small, and the preparation was foul, but it was still better than nothing. I just ate the tasteless cornmeal mush and left the other food, because I wasn't feeling good enough to eat.

"Hey, can I get your food portion?" Someone with weird accent asked and, without even looking at the person who talked to me, I nodded.

"Sure." I answered while staring blankly at the floor.

"Cuate, you look like shit. Probably you should eat a bit more because you look so fucking frail and gaunt." The same person said and I just shrugged.

"Does it even matter? I'm gonna die in less than three weeks." I sighed and pursed my lips. "Enjoy the meal." I said politely before standing up and walking away, not even minding to see who the person was.

To be honest, I didn't want to talk to anybody during my time in here, because I didn't know how to recognize if someone was talking to me because they were nice or because they wanted to inflict a violent action on me. I inevitably created an atmosphere of constant paranoia, constant suspicion, knowing I was alone and if someone happened to attack me, no one would help me. I took advantage that everybody was at the chum hall to go to the yard and take fresh air and peace out in solitude. Few inmates were there as well as correctional officers; nonetheless, I sat on a bench, making sure to be away from both, inmates and correctional officers. I made sure of it owing to the fact that the environment in prison was very oppressive and the infrastructure was staffed with non-professional professionals. The correctional officers typically introduced the majority of "drama" into the system. Left to their own devices, the prisoners usually created havoc on their own, out of sheer boredom. Yet the correctional officers made matters worse, on a regular basis. Therefore, the physical assault was regular and usually it resulted in someone's death. The worst was that these deaths were normally swept under the rug, and kept out of the normal media stream by savvy correctional officers. When most of the inmates who were at the chum hall came to the yard, I stood up and decided to return to my cell, where I could be by my own and not get in any kind of trouble. I walked past some inmates who followed me with their gaze in a menacing way; but they remained where they were, exercising and talking, also making derisive comments about me and the way I used to wake up every morning; however, I tried to turn a deaf ear to those comments. I increased my pace to arrive as fast as possible to my cell, because one of the gangs has already came to the yard and nothing good could come out of it; that gang whose members wouldn't stop looking at me in a threatening and furious way ever since I arrived, as though they had a personal problem with me. I tried to pass unnoticed, avoiding any kind of eye contact but trying to be aware of what was happening around me; just in case some of them decided to punch my face or my stomach as they've been doing lately. I finally made it to inside the block; nobody was there, fortunately; so I sighed in relief. My cell was at the end of the corridor, so I had a long way to go. The only I could hear was the sounds of my handcuffs while I was walking, until I heard steps behind me. Stealthy, I glanced back to see who it was and I saw two of the inmates of that gang, their gazes fixed on me in a steady, intent way. I looked down and gulped, increasing my walking speed, but trying not to make it obvious that I was scared and agitated, otherwise they were going to strike me because I was vulnerable. The faster I walked, the faster they walked. My heart was now beating fast and it was already pounding and my breathing became ragged. I glanced back again and noticed two more dudes joined the others; they were smirking in a wicked way. I was spooked as fuck, I knew something bad was gonna happen and I was just trapped in a cage with no way out. When my body began to tremble slightly and I began to sweat in cold, I started running as I could with these damn handcuffs. And for some reason, those dudes did not have the handcuffs on, a corrupt correctional officer surely took them off; assuredly, the officer planned with those inmates all of this, I've been duped and ambushed. They quickly approached me and I tried to keep running, but when I looked ahead, I ran into the officer who has been bullying me since I arrived, officer Griffin. I looked at him horrified as he was looking at me with a perverse smirk while walking around me. He was swinging the baton in his right hand, there was a swagger in his walk and a glint in his eyes as the four inmates cornered me.

"Look who we have here!" The officer laughed viciously, eloquently swinging the baton.

I tried to look for a gap in between the round that they formed around me, desperate to escape from there; but there was no way out. I was open to attack, handcuffed, and I didn't have anything to defend myself. I looked fearfully at all of them as the officer's baton was swinging more vigorously now and the glint in his eyes was brighter.

"The cry-baby of the prison!" Officer Griffin laughed archly and so did the inmates.

"What should we do with him, officer Griffin?" The leader of the gang questioned with a nasty smirk, looking fixedly into my eyes.

"Leave him to me, first; then you can do with him whatever you want." The officer responded in a despicable way, stepping closer to me. "I wanna show this piece of shit what murderers, kidnappers and sociopaths deserve." He brandished his baton and I looked down and gulped, panicky.

"Whatever we want, officer?" One of the inmates asked mischievously.

"Whatever you want due to the fact that nobody is gonna enter because the closed count is being performed at the yard." Officer Griffin answered and another kind of fear came over me. I could sense that if I lived out of this, it would be a miracle. "Look at me, piece of shit. I wanna see how your face is disfigured as I strike you with my baby." He ordered, caressing his baton. I diffidently looked up and saw his haughty smirk.

The baton wielding behemoth was suddenly in front of me, swinging the baton with a new passion as the other inmates waited, with bated breath, for the baton to perform its duty. Before the inmates' fiery looks could scald me and the baton could perform its duty, I closed my eyes and I felt helpless in the instant that dread engulfed me and all hope died away. The first blow was in my stomach and it left me breathless and made me shrink; when I shrunk, the baton hit my chin and made my face flip backwards; before I could react, the baton hit my nose and caused it to bleed. Then I felt a hard baton strike in my groin that made me stoop onwards with a wince and shrill howl in the same moment I got punched in my left eye. I fell on my knees and curled up in a ball as I started getting bumps and kicks on my back.

"Tell me, piece of shit… How does it feel to have the community judge you as deserving to be killed?" Officer Griffin asked with infuriated, gruff voice as he hit the back of my head with his baton.

Such was the ache I was feeling that I had no strength to defend myself, not even to utter a word or let out a moan. All I could do was to think when this torture was gonna be over and when I was gonna wake up from this nightmare. Two inmates took me by the arms and forced me to stand up; then they pushed me and crashed my face against the cold concrete wall. Such was the intensity of the crash that it left me numbed and woozy. I was already weak and I couldn't stand on my own, but those two inmates were clutching me tightly by the arms to keep me standing against the wall. Then I sensed the other two inmates and the correctional officer behind me. One of them, I didn't know who, covered my mouth and other one pulled down my jumpsuit. When I became aware of what their intentions were, I gathered all the strength I had left to struggle to get away with desperate muffled whimpers; but the ones who were clutching me, crashed my face against the concrete wall again and clutched me harder. I began to shed tears out of the despair and helplessness I was feeling as one of them pulled down my underwear to my ankles. One of them squatted and took me by the ankles to separate my legs; another one kneeled in front of me and closed his hand around my dick and I heard how someone behind me unzipped his trousers. I let out a wail out of my turmoil, but no sound echoed because of the hand that was covering my mouth. I tried to bite that hand, but when I attempted to do it, they crashed my head against the wall one third time and then gagged my mouth with a belt. The one who was clutching my dick started to stroke it up and down and I tried to move, but the one who was taking me by the ankles, tightened his hold, as well as the ones who were taking me by the arms.

"What a nice cock you've got, wanker." The one who was touching my dick said. Then he licked the tip of my dick as I whimpered and shed more tears. "It also tastes good..." He laughed and sucked my dick up and down. "But what a problem you have got! It wouldn't get hard... Come on, show me an erection!" He said again and began to suck my dick while stroking it up and down and as I was crying desperately. Then I felt how someone began to brush my ass with a dick and I flinched and let out another wail.

"And what a hot and soft ass you've got, piece of shit!" I heard the officer groaning as he grasped my hips and rubbed the crack of my ass with his cock. "Fuck, I'm already rock hard." He moaned and circled my ass hole with the tip of his dick. "Hmm, people who are gonna die turn me on so hard." The officer groaned in my ear as I let out a high-pitched howl. I felt how the tip of his dick was circling my ass hole and I shed more tears, feeling very hopeless now. Then he pushed his cock inside me, but it didn't go in. "Argh, you're so fucking tight. I can tell you've never been fucked before." He groaned and I wailed in complete dejection.

He pushed his cock inside me again and this time it slid all the way as he gave a deep moan and I felt a sharp pain that rushed through my body, so I winced and cried out. I began to weep in a harrowing way as the officer pumped his dick in and out of my hole. I could feel his raw skin rubbing in and out of my hole, I could hear his tormenting moans in my ear, and I could feel his mouth sucking my earlobe as the other dude was running his tongue up and down the underside of my dick and sucking on my balls. I just closed my eyes and tried not to concentrate on the pain and what was happening; I tried to think about something else, something nice, something that could take my mind to another place and another situation. I thought about Jen's rooftop, watching the sunrise with Sunny next to me, holding her. It was working so far, until the officer held me in a neck hold, very tight, and it was choking me, I couldn't breathe; so I began to feel very desperate, very agitated and very scared. Suddenly, after about two minutes, he made one final thrust and I could feel him spurting something inside me, finally releasing my neck, so I took a deep breath to catch some air. It was finally over.

"So fucking good, piece of shit. Jordan, wanna try this hole, too?" The officer asked and I paralyzed again, feeling absolute fright again.

"Fuck yeah." The dude responded and I teared up again when I felt how his cock touched my hole and it made its way up inside me, wildly and harshly. He pumped it in and out really fast.

"Tell me, piece of shit..." The officer suddenly whispered hoarsely in my ear as the other dude was fucking me. He closed his hand on my neck again and I let out a desperate squeal that sounded muffled. "What have you learned from reflecting on your coming death?" He laughed wickedly in my ear and I whined.

"I'm done. Phil, you can have this hole now. It is so fucking tight." The Jordan dude snickered.

The third time I was abused was the roughest one. I could no longer stand the pain, but the Phil dude didn't care, he continued fucking me in a harsh and fast way. I tried to think about Sunny and sunrise, and how the morning sun made her face look completely gorgeous, I pictured her smile and her affectionate gaze.

"What meaning do you find in your life?" The officer asked again, this time digging his nails on my neck.

"You know who told us to do this, don't you? Of course you do, wanker…" The Jordan dude whispered in my other ear as I was struggling so hard to catch some air. "Jim Adams… Or should I call him Everett Sunder? Perhaps by his real name... Wade Whitfield." He laughed haughtily and I flinched and felt even more powerless.

I could not stop wondering what I've done to deserve this. I wanted everything to stop, I wanted to stop breathing and be painless and in peace once and for all. I could no longer wait three weeks for my life to be over. So I stopped trying to struggle to catch some air. I was suffocating and I felt a pressure in my head. My temple was throbbing, my throat was very tight, and I felt very, but very weak. I felt numb and my whole body felt like anesthetized; little by little, all my senses began to lessen. There was no more pain, just this need to reach that peace that was awaiting me.

"What are you doing?" Suddenly someone screeched.

A sudden quiet descended on the inmates; his shrill screech having the potential to make everybody stand back. When they all stepped back, I fell on the floor, unable to move. I felt life coming back to me and I felt frustrated. I felt the pain coming back to me, the sadness, the dejection, the hopelessness. I was right about to stop breathing, but death slipped away from my hands as all things in my life. Now I was nothing but a dead alive. I opened my eyes and through my blurred vision I saw the man who stopped the rapists. It was the inmate who the day before was with that young girl who asked me an autograph; I knew that inmate was the leader of another gang, probably the most recognized gang.

"How dare you?" His screech had now assumed the confidence of a bellow, the hand on the collar of the leader of the gang, Jordan, shaking vigorously.

"How dare you? You'll be confined!" The officer screamed, but his voice sounded shaky due to his nervousness.

"Will you do that?" The inmate who helped me asked aggressively. "I'm going to report the illegal activities you've done, I'll sue you for being a corrupt officer and your life in this prison as an inmate won't be pleasant." He threatened. Suddenly the uxorious officer's face went completely blank, and his head started whipping from side to side. The hand of the inmate who helped me fell off from the collar of the leader of the gang. "Now, get the fuck outta here!" He hollered and the inmates and the officer, completely shaken, ran away.

Then I saw how he walked towards me and I felt scared because he could hurt me now, considering he was the leader of the biggest gang; yet it didn't matter how scared I could be, because anyway I couldn't move. He squatted next to me and when he moved his arm, I closed my eyes and gasped, and when he placed a hand on my shoulder, I flinched and let out a muffled, low whimper. Suddenly, he put on my underwear and my jumpsuit, he pulled me up and held me tightly to keep me standing. I was shivering because I was expecting the blow in my face or the punch in my stomach.

"Are you okay?" He asked and when I heard his throaty voice in my ear, I began to tremble more fiercely, remembering the voices of the other inmates in my ear. "Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you, cuate." He added softly.

But at this point I couldn't calm down, I couldn't trust anyone, I couldn't tell what people wanted from me; so my lips began to quiver out of fear. No matter how much I wanted to lock myself up in my cell, I couldn't move, so I had no other option than letting this guy hold me, regardless if he wanted to help me or hurt me.

"Let's take you to your cell." He said and placed one hand firmly on my waist and the other on my shoulder as I placed my handcuffed hands on his shoulder to maintain balance.

He carried me to my cell and he lay me down on the mattress of my bunk. I automatically curled up in a ball, having chills, afraid that he could hit me here, in my own cell, or perhaps abuse me or kill me. He kneeled next to me and pulled down my jumpsuit, so I began to snivel, shuddering. When he ran a hand over one of my bruises, I whined because of the fear of being abused again, but also because I was sore.

"What have they done to you, cuate?" He asked with a frown, his voice sounding hoarse, apparently disturbed. "We have to heal these wounds." He stated.

The inmate stood up to look for something in a bag that wasn't my bag but which was in my cell. He pulled out a bottle and walked towards me again. I looked at him very frightened, and in a way to ask for mercy; I didn't want to be hurt again.

"This is gonna be painful, but it must be done." He said while opening the bottle.

He applied on my bruises a liquid that burnt and hurt like hell. It was rubbing alcohol. He applied it on each one of my bruises that were all along my stomach, chest, face, back, head, groin and thighs. I was looking at him stunned for what he was doing and grateful because he did not comment anything nasty about the self-inflicted cuts on my thighs; then I observed my pale, bony body full of dark bruises and cuts. But those physical wounds didn't hurt more than my mental wounds.

"We're done with the bruises. The best would be if you don't sleep with clothes, at least for tonight. You don't want your wounds become infected." He said while closing the bottle and putting it aside. Then he pulled out other things from that bag. "Now, I need you to trust me and lie on your stomach." He requested and I looked at him suspiciously, frightened again. "I'm not gonna hurt you. You need to be cleansed and you are surely sore, so this is gonna relieve the pain." He said but I kept looking at him scared, with extreme suspicion. "Have you ever heard the expression 'My word is my bond'? Well, I give you my word, I'm not gonna hurt you, cuate." He said and I gulped.

Nonetheless, I tried to lie on my stomach, but I was aching so much that I needed his help to do it. Once I was lying on my stomach, he pulled down my underwear and I jumped in fear and turned my face abruptly to look at him in fear. He showed me what he had in his hands and I calmed a little and rested my head on the mattress again. He first slid a moist towelette along the skin of the crack of my ass and the anal area. This was super weird and I was feeling highly uncomfortable, besides having chills because of the memories of those inmates and officer raping me; but I tried to think about that something nice again: Sunny fondling my cheek, stroking my hair, caressing my chest, kissing my neck and lips. I felt how the inmate rubbed in a cream and then how he applied talcum powder.

"How many of them have abused you?" He asked and I felt a cold shiver running through my body.

"Three of them have... you know... And one of them has... that..." I babbled with shaky voice, closing my eyes and letting out a whimper when the image of three of them penetrating me and one of them touching and sucking me popped into my mind.

"Chill out, cuate." He said and blew my anal area; then he moved away. "It's done. I suggest you to remain laying on your stomach, so that the pain will be less. Did you see if they were wearing protection?" He asked and I shook my head.

"I know the police officer wasn't because he… he came inside… inside me." I wailed and tears formed in the corner of my eyes and fell down my cheeks.

I haven't thought about it, but right when he asked that question I realized why he asked such a thing. They penetrated me without protection and we were in prison, where this kind of stuff happened on a regular basis; that meant I could have got a STDs, including HIV. I cried at the idea; but I felt a little better when I remembered that I wouldn't have to worry about it because in less than three weeks was my execution.

"I'm sorry I didn't find you on time, cuate." He said and I wiped my tears away to look at that guy. Why was he doing this? Why was he helping me and saying he was sorry? And what the hell 'cuate' meant? "I was supposed to protect you." He added and I frowned as he pulled out a slice of bread with butter and gave it to me. "This is part of the breakfast you gave me this morning. Eat it, cuate. You need to eat." I took it and ate all of it, almost desperate.

"Who are you?" I asked with trembling voice. "And why were you supposed to protect me? What does cuate mean? And why are you doing this?"

"I am Carlos. I am doing this because I have to protect you. I have to protect you because I made a promise and my word is my bond, as I already mentioned. My little sister, Alejandra, the one who approached you yesterday to ask you for an autograph, has read your book and she admires you; she made me promise that I'll protect you after your woman, when your visiting time was over, begged me to protect you." He explained and I looked at him astonished, trying to take in all he said. Sunny asked him to protect me? "And cuate is the Spanish way to say chum. I am Mexican."

"I always sucked at Spanish." I let out a short, bitter chuckle as he laughed and patted softly my back.

I remembered I took all the Spanish courses in high school; nonetheless, I never learned anything owing to the fact that I never paid attention because all I could do was to look at Sunny and hear the sound of her voice answering all the questions. She was the one who was good at Spanish. That was a nice memory and it helped to cheer up my mood, just a little. The nice memories were all I had inside this prison and the only thing that would allow to make bearable the time here.

"Cu… Cua… Cuate." I tried to utter and he laughed again.

"It'll get better, cuate." He said, but not in a mocking way. "As your new cellie, I will help you learn some Spanish words." He added and I looked at him, puckering my brows. "I am your new cellie. Being the leader of a gang has allowed me to gain certain privileges and I asked to share this cell with you in order to protect you."

"I know you've made the promise to protect me and I know your word is your bond; and I thank you for that; as well as I thank your sister and my friend for asking so. But it is pointless to protect someone who is gonna die in less than three weeks." I said and looked away, feeling bad again.

"As I'm concerned, you're innocent. You've been sentenced at death of crimes you didn't commit." He replied and I looked at him, wondering how the hell he knew that. "Your woman told me so. And judging by the desperate way she begged me to protect you, I can tell she is working hard on trying to undo the sentence. Therefore, it's not pointless to protect you, since your sentence can be undone, you may as well live." He explained and I lowered my gaze and shook my head.

"She is not being realistic. I admire her and I am very thrilled and thankful for what she is doing for me. But she cannot admit the real deal. I am incarcerated because I've been tricked; the person who really committed the crimes has done a good move in his favor and left no evidence to prove my innocence and his guilt." I answered despondent.

"And you're not being positive about your possibilities of being released from prison. I know you don't want to make up your mind with hopes of something that probably won't happen and then feeling disillusioned. But sometimes, in prison, holding onto hopes is what allows you to keep living your life and not just survive days; because it gives you a reason to fight for another day in your life." He said and I frowned slightly, reflecting on it.

"You may be right… But thing is… I don't wanna be alive. And I am waiting for the day I will finally die." I confessed in a whisper, staring blankly at the concrete wall. "And no one seems to understand that."

"It's because that's a stupid thing to think. Life can be such a bitch, I know that. I've had a shitty life and many times I wished I could die. And now that I am here, at the Death Row, I realize I never meant that because I learned one important thing…" He started explaining and I listened to him very intently, even if I was still staring blankly the concrete wall. "No matter how shitty, unfair and hard your life can be; you are always on time to make a change, starting by exploiting the few good things you have. My sister is my reason to live; and I'm pretty sure your reason to live is the woman who visited you yesterday. So, when you feel like you cannot live your life, you gotta live for them, for those who can see the good on you and who want to share their lives with you; and then they, without being aware, will manage to make you live for yourself."

"Yes, you are right." I responded in a whisper.

Truth was that I answered that because I didn't want to continue talking about it. Before being locked up in this prison, I'd have made a big effort to forget about my pain in order to live for them as he said; as a matter of fact, that was what I've been doing for years, living for them because they were what made my life worthy of being lived. But I could no longer do that because in this prison I've had to witness and experience a lot of dread and traumatic situations: the officers' sinister celebrations when a human being was killed for their sentence, all the inmates who were killed in atrocious ways and those who committed suicide, the brutal riots and threats, the disturbing sounds of bars being slammed and screams of horror and rebellion, the constant paranoia of being assaulted, the chronic anger, fear, loneliness and violence; and then how I was mercilessly beaten and strangulated. And the worst of them all: How I was sexually abused; I would never be able to forget and overcome the way they touched and sucked my privates and the pain and trauma of being raped with all things involved: The feeling of being penetrated by strangers in a harsh and forced way, the smell of their sweat and cum on my skin, the sound of their hoarse voices whispering ominous things in my ear, the vicious laughter out of the pleasure of abusing me; my vulnerability, fear, hopelessness, desperation, sorrow, pain, madness. I'd never forget my desire to die. All of those things together with the torment and remorse I was feeling for causing a man's death; the death of my dad, the only family I had left; the sorrow of having to let go the girl I loved most in this world; the mental stress of being bullied almost every day of my life; the shame I brought on my friends for being a criminal; my mother's abandonment, my poverty, my misfortune, my tendency to lose all the good things I had; being an outcast, a disgrace, an orphan, a good for nothing guy. This time, not even cutting myself would allow me to replace this pain in order to make another day in my life. This was much more than having a shitty life; this was more like being dead while you were still breathing; this was a dead life and a dead life was much worse than being dead. Therefore, nothing, ever, would make me come back to life, because you cannot revive a dead man, much less when that dead man is still breathing. I was a dead man. And nobody could understand that; nobody could understand that was the reason why I was desperately wishing to die. Because death was the only way I would, finally, feel peace. But I still had to wait three weeks to die; so I decided to do the only thing I was good at: Ever since I was incarcerated, I grew my fingernails long and wrecked them on the concrete so they were sharp enough to cut open my thighs. Consequently, when I made sure my cellmate was asleep, I started cutting my thighs with all my strength, feeling that sweet pleasure of seeing my thighs bleeding and the blood dripping from my fingernails, aware that this kind of pain was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling inside, but still had the sweet, pleasant effect of pain release.

---

"Freckles!" I exclaimed loudly, beaming broadly, when she opened the door of her hotel room.

There was no room to pretend; I was overflowing with happiness for three reasons: We got the evidence who was gonna undo Brian's sentence and he was gonna be freed; I found the information about Jim that Brian told Freckles that was in the bedroom he shared with me, under his bed, so the asshole of Jim was gonna be imprisoned; and I was seeing Freckles after days of being away from her, I've missed her as hell. I quickly hugged her very tightly and I spun with her in my arms, giggling merrily. She laughed a little, too; maybe because she knew we were here for a terribly good reason. When we parted I gave her a noisy kiss on the cheek and she giggled before she was hugged by Jen, who was also smiling widely. I haven't seen Jen happier than this; and she's been this happy ever since the day she found that evidence.

"Come in, guys!" Freckles exclaimed excited, stepping aside. Right after Jen and I entered the room, we eagerly pulled out the laptop off the backpack. We could not wait to show Freckles which the evidence was.

"Come closer, Freckles!" Jen squealed happily when she turned on the laptop. "I'll show you the evidence who is gonna undo Brian's sentence!" She clapped and giggled.

She placed the laptop on the bed and the three of us sat on the floor, in front of it. I could notice Freckles was absolutely eager, nervous and happy, all at once. Without really wanting to take advantage of the situation, I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer to me; when she glanced at me, I grinned cheerfully. She smiled back at me and placed a hand on my thigh to maintain her balance. Jen looked at Freckles and started explaining everything.

"So, here's what happened... After Brian's sentence and once you were gone; some police officers came to my house and took off that awful yellow tape of crime scene. I finally had my screened porch back and, the day before yesterday, I decided to give the room a thorough cleaning. And in one of the ceiling joists I saw something that got my attention. It was a sort of camera and I must clarify that I don't have security cameras in my house. I thought that maybe the police had put it there and they forgot to take it off." She started explaining as I was grinning widely and Freckles was listening intently. "I took it off, decided to give it to them the next day. But I was very curious about it, so I decided to take a look. When I played it, this is what I found..." Jen said excited and looked at the laptop and played the video full screen.

We all watched the video since the beginning: Jack was looking at the camera with a smirk, making it obvious that he placed it on the ceiling joist. It was dated on Christmas Eve. We watched the night when we sang, made a toast, and exchanged gifts. We shared a moment of profound silence while watching it, enjoying seeing George again, his smile and the sound of his voice; I saw how Jen's eyes filled with tears and how Freckles let escape a tear with a soft smile across her lips, and I'd be lying if I said that my own eyes didn't become moist. Before the part Brian started explaining about his book and how Freckles looked at him completely mad and then left the room, Jen made sure to press the forward button in order not to make Freckles feel bad about it again. We saw in fast motion all the moments we shared in the screened porch since Christmas Eve; my heart skipped a beat when I saw in fast motion the moment when I closed the doors to talk to Freckles the day she and Brian started dating, we were so close to each other and I kissed the corner of her lips before leaving. We saw cute moments, funny moments, moments of laziness, weird moments; some of us talking, laughing, crying, hugging, kissing, sharing secrets; moments of group conversations and games, moments of someone in solitude, and moments when absolutely nothing was happening. I haven't realized how many things have happened in that screened porch before watching this video. Then Jen stopped the video and played it at normal speed; it was the stormy night when everything changed. We saw the moment when Jim and Jack, both of them wearing black balaclavas, broke in. They entered through one of the sliding glass doors that connected the screened porch to the backyard. Jim took off his black balaclava and he and Jack walked to the electrical service panel and they pulled down the main breaker and it cut off power; so they were the ones who caused it. Everything was dark, but the camera could shoot in the dark, so we could see everything. We saw how they placed the plastic container with the chemical and then how they got in their positions to catch us. Mandy and Joey were the first they caught; then they caught Chuck and Lucy and when Jim caught Jen, Jack caught Freckles; then Jim caught me. Jim put a gag in our mouths and tied all of us as Jack tied and put a gag in Freckles' mouth and took her near Brian. Then Brian finally got to light the fire and we watched all that happened that night. There were things that, owing to my shock and fear, I didn't remember that happened or things that I didn't remember to have heard. We saw how Brian shot Jack's stomach and how Jim shot Jack's head and the three of us closed our eyes; it was a perturbing experience and we most definitely didn't want to experience it again. Then we finally saw how Jim was touching Freckles and how Brian, rabid, pounced on Jim to hit him before the cops arrived and arrested him. And Jen stopped the video and we all remained silent, perhaps a bit disturbed for having re-experienced that horrible night. I glanced at Freckles and observed a hint of disruption in her eyes; her face was frozen and her mouth slightly opened while staring the screen of the laptop; then, all of a sudden, her eyes sparkled and the corners of her mouth rose.

"Brian is gonna be freed." She said in a whisper, her voice wobbly. Jen and I grinned when she looked at both of us, her eyes radiating joy. "We have to show this!" She squealed, her excitement and happiness increasing.

"Mr. Boies is already working on it. Before coming here, he made an appointment to see the judge of Marin County. He already presented a motion to reopen the case with the evidence and all the legal papers. Now he is waiting for the judge's order to reopen the case." Jen grinned with all her teeth and Freckles' smile grew wider. "At the same time, we gave him all the information about Jim's past crimes and he started working on it, because he said that with this video, Jim would be imprisoned but his sentence wouldn't be the one he deserves if we don't show all this information that Brian had. He has time to work on it, because Jim is still missing and we still don't have any clue of where he can be." Jen informed and Freckles frowned and nodded, but the smile was still on her face. "However, Mr. Boies said that we must be patient, because reopening a case, and more when it's about a death penalty, is not so easy to get. He said something that judges are like so full of pride to admit they were wrong, or worse yet, to admit they sentenced an innocent person at death. Besides, he also suspects that the jury and judge who sentenced Brian possibly accepted a bribe from Jim." Jen added and I saw how Freckles' nose wrinkled as she scowled, narrowing her eyes.

"Why would Mr. Boies suspect that? Not like that idea hasn't crossed my mind before; but, for an attorney to state such a thing is like a big deal." Freckles said, looking fixedly at Jen.

"Well, he said that it is insane the fact that they sentenced Brain at death for the crimes he supposedly committed. Nobody in their right mind would have done that for death penalty is for those who commit capital crimes or capital offences, not the kind of crimes Brian was charged." Jen answered quietly and Freckles looked away and nodded slightly. "However, Mr. Boies said if this is that case; instead of being something negative, it could be something positive if you know how to act over the issue. A judge who accepts a bribe may be sentenced at life without parole; and depending on what that bribe has involved, it can be a sentence at death. So no judge will risk their freedom and reputation. Hopefully, this will be a positive factor." Jen said as Freckles was looking at Jen intently, her mouth slightly parted.

"But Brian will be freed, right?" Freckles questioned, apparently trying to rectify her hopes because she was a bit confused now.

"Let's pray he will." Jen answered and Freckles scowled.

"I don't understand... Does it mean that there's a chance that he won't be freed? But this evidence... I mean, look at it! There's no way in hell someone can deny Brian is not innocent! Come on!" Freckles exclaimed confused, slightly altered and upset too. Jen looked down and bit her lips a bit uncomfortable, so I rubbed Freckles' arm.

"Freckles, listen..." I finally spoke and she turned her face to me abruptly. "She's not saying that Brian won't be freed. All Jen is trying to say is that we must be patient if we want Brian's sentence to be undone, because we're talking about undoing a death penalty, so that's a big deal."

"Yeah, I understand the part that we have to be patient. But for fuck's sake! We don't have all the time in world! You're aware that Brian's execution is in less than three weeks, aren't you?" She exclaimed with wheezy voice, looking at me wide-eyed, exasperated.

"We are aware, Freckles." I answered slowly and gently, squeezing her arm to try to calm her. "The attorney is also aware of it." I added and she took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, looking down and nodding slightly. "We have to be patient if we want the sentence to be undone, but that doesn't mean that the day of execution can't be postponed. As a matter of fact, since the moment Mr. Boies presented the motion, the day of execution will be postponed until the order of the judge, who is gonna decide if the execution will be done or not, if Brian will be freed right away or if he has to serve some years in prison owing to the fact he shot a man and he physically attacked another man." I explained and Freckles frowned again, looking at me upset.

"Serve years in prison for what he did? It was in self-defense and in defense of us, who were kidnapped! He was assaulted and extorted by Jim! How can Brian even be sentenced for that?" She asked in disbelief.

"We know that, Freckles. But, possibly, the judge won't see it like us. That is why the attorney is right now in that appointment; to clarify all of this and to do everything he can to demonstrate Brian's complete innocence. Nonetheless, we must be aware of all the possibilities that may come to happen so that nothing takes us by surprise. It's the only way we will know how to face obstacles. So, don't get us wrong, Freckles. We're not being negative; we're being realistic in order to be able to do everything we can to get Brian out of prison for real and forever." I responded very quiet, looking deeply into Freckles' eyes.

"Yes, you are right. Sorry, guys, for being such a hysterical bitch right now. It's just that I am so nervous and worried... I can't..." Freckles babbled with brittle voice, looking down as her eyes glimmered with tears. "If only you had seen Brian..." She added, her voice cracking. "I wasn't even sure if the guy I saw yesterday is the same Brian we all know. He looks so... worn out and gaunt. It is killing him." Freckles blubbered and let fall the tears in her eyes.

Jen and I looked at her sadly and we hugged her to comfort her, maybe to comfort all of us. This was the first time I heard something about Brian and how he was doing since the verdict. I knew he wouldn't be fine because prison wasn't precisely a nice place; but the naive part of me was thinking, more like wishing, that he was completely fine. On the sly, I put a hand in the left pocket of my jacket and I firmly held the drumsticks that Brian gave me; it always helped me in those moments when I was about to succumb in despair or deep distress. It was my amulet. All of a sudden, the hug was interrupted by the sound of Jen's phone ringing.

"I must pick up this call." She announced and stood up to walk away. "Hello?"

Jen left the room and Freckles tried to wipe away the tears that wouldn't stop falling as I was looking intensely at her. I leaned in and helped her to wipe her tears away as she looked at me with a kind grin. Then I gave her an affectionate smile and I cupped her chin with my hand and began to fondle her cheek with my thumb.

"I wish I could have visited Brian." I confessed and Freckles lowered her gaze and shook her head.

"Trust me, you wouldn't have wished that." She responded, her voice sounding guttural.

"He is my friend, regardless the way he looks. So yeah, I wish I could have visited him... I wish he could be here with us." I whispered and looked down, pulling out the drumsticks to play with them. I noticed how Freckles saw them, but I no longer minded that. "I guess I... I miss him." I confessed while staring the drumsticks. Suddenly, I felt Freckles' hand on my thigh. "It's insane... I can't believe I actually miss the same guy I completely loathed in high school." I chuckled while wiping away one tear that escaped the corner of my eye. When I looked up, I found Freckles looking deeply into my eyes with a sweet grin. "I never thanked you, Freckles."

"What for?" She frowned slightly.

"For having been able to see the good on Brian and having kept him in your life. If it hadn't been thanks to you, I wouldn't have given him the chance to show me how he truly is and I wouldn't have had one of the greatest friends one can have." I answered with teary eyes, pursing my lips.

"You know? I did nothing. You yourself gave him the chance to show you how he truly is; you could have decided to stay away from him, but you didn't. And Darren?" Freckles said and cupped my cheek with her hand. "I am not supposed to tell a secret... But George told me that Brian confessed him that you are his best male friend and he is very lucky to have met a guy he can call brother." That was all Freckles had to say for me to break into tears when I was fighting to hold them back.

"He is my bro, too." I tried to utter and Freckles pulled me into a very comforting and warm embrace.

"I know, Dare." She whispered in my ear while I was crying on her shoulder. "Your bro used to be your biggest enemy in high school. How does it feel?" She asked, as trying to cheer me up, so I tittered and parted to look at her, wiping my tears away.

"Crazy as fuck!" I responded with another chuckle. "It's one of the few things I would change during high school; I'd not judge him for what he seems to be, I'd see him differently... We all could have been friends since so long ago; but I'm glad we got it at the end. George taught me not to regret the past, but to value the present; he taught me that it's not about the amount of time you've shared with someone, but about the quality of the time shared with them." I said smiling and this made Freckles grin broadly and nod. "I'm really happy for the fact that we were given the chance to be all together again."

"Me too." Freckles smiled fondly, looking deeply into my eyes.

And I got lost into her beautiful eyes, finding all the reassurance I needed in them. And feeling her thumb brushing my cheek made me feel mild. Suddenly, I began to loosen up and unwind. We didn't break eye contact and I started feeling my eyes heavy owing to this rare serenity I was feeling. Without asking, I rested my head on her shoulder and I closed my eyes; she started running her fingers through my curls and my calmness increased when I smelled the scent of her hair. I pressed my lips to her neck, but I didn't kiss it, I just wanted to feel her warm skin; I noticed how she shivered and chuckled softly because of the tickle; so I opened my eyes and looked up to see her eyes with an amused smile; I found her looking down at me, her eyes shining and her face reflecting a mix of amusement and placidity that captivated me. I lifted my head a little to reach her jawline and leave a trail of small kisses as she was chuckling softly. I placed my hands firmly on her waist and I chuckled when I kissed her chin and she giggled. Then I looked straight in her eye and leaned in to rest my forehead against hers; when the tip of my nose touched hers, I closed my eyes and moved my face a little closer. I was amazed by the way she was letting me do this. When I felt her breathing against my face, her lips became like a magnet to mine; so I dared to go a little further, not thinking about the consequences. I slightly touched her lips with mine, and when I made sure she was not resisting, I tilted my head to kiss her. But we were awfully interrupted.

"Guys!" Jen exclaimed while entering the room. Freckles and I parted abruptly, avoiding any kind of eye contact due to our awkwardness. I could swear I was slightly blushing, not as much as Freckles, though. "You won't guess what!" Jen squealed and I noticed that, fortunately, she didn't see what Freckles and I were about to do. Freckles coughed and looked at Jen.

"What?" She asked with a soft smile, pretending to be calm, but her voice trembled a little.

"Mr. Boies just returned and he wants to have dinner with all of us to tell us the news... That's like... Right now." Jen answered; apparently she was anxious and a bit excited. "We will have dinner right here, at the restaurant of the hotel."

"Well, let's get ready, then." I said while standing up.

We actually didn't change our clothes or anything, we just stood up and headed to the hotel restaurant, very eager to hear those news. Hopefully, they would be good news. Mr. Boies was already there, waiting for us. Once we ordered something to eat and drink and once the waitress brought our respective orders, the attorney finally spoke.

"Well, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" He said and all of us stopped eating to look at him. None of us dared to answer for a while.

"Oh, give us the bad news first. I want to end on an upbeat note." Freckles answered, her voice shaky.

"The case of Wade Whitfield cannot be opened because the Office of Vital Statistics has a death certificate, certifying the deceased state of Wade Whitfield. Same happens with the fake identifications of Jim Adams and Everett Sunder. All of them declare the date, location and cause of his death and they have already entered in an official register of deaths. Therefore, there's nothing we can do to imprison him until we find what his new identity is and where he is." He explained and I felt irked and very frustrated. How the heck could Jim always find a way to escape law?

"What?" Freckles' voice sounded dangerously wrathful. "How is that even possible? I mean, come on! What the fuck is wrong with this justice? Cannot they be more efficient in checking that a document is false? This is a joke!" She exclaimed upset, throwing her hands up and shaking her head in disbelief.

"I have to agree with her, Mr. Boies." Jen said, but in a quiet way and he nodded and pursed his lips.

"I know and I understand your frustration, I had the same reaction when I've been told this. I want to make clear that I'm not saying I'll give up on Wade's case, I'll still work on it but it's gonna be more difficult and the process will be slower than what I thought." He asserted and all of us nodded, calmer now. "In fact, I have already presented a motion to corroborate the validity of those death certifications. In the meantime, the private investigator is searching Wade and his new identity. He found some clues, but nothing too important. As soon as he finds something crucial, he'll let us know, so don't worry." He assured and we nodded again. "And that was the bad news."

"What about the good news?" I asked impatiently. Jen and Freckles looked piercingly into Mr. Boies' eyes, also as impatient as I was.

"The good news is..." He smiled widely and made a dramatic pause that seemed eternal to me. He pulled out a note and read it. "Upon consideration of the unopposed motion for reopening the case of Brian Thomas Clerk and upon consideration of the evidence presented, it is ordered and adjudged that the motion be granted. It is further ordered and adjudged, on the court's own motion, that the sentence of Brian Thomas Clerk be reversed and it is further ordered and adjudged that the inmate Brian Thomas Clerk be released from San Quentin State Prison the 25th day of January, 2007. It is ordered and adjudged that Brian Thomas Clerk be freed of all charges, ensuring his innocence of first degree murder, kidnapping, assault and battery, and extortion, as charged in the indictment. Done and ordered by the Supreme Court of California, Marin County, California this 24th day of January, 2007." Mr. Boies read with absolute clarity and then looked at us with a broad smile as I was feeling my heart beating really fast, agape by this news, still flurried and confused. But, slowly, I came to terms with the news and I couldn't help letting out a triumphant scream.

"Fuck, yeah!" I yelled, throwing my fist up and grinning widely. I could not possibly explain the happiness and relief I was feeling. Suddenly, I was filled by this great sense of adrenaline and excitement.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" Freckles squealed with brittle voice, her eyes filled with tears of joy as Jen was covering her mouth, wide-eyed, also teary-eyed. "Brian's gonna be freed... Tomorrow! Oh my god, thank you so much, Mr. Boies. Thank you so much!" Freckles repeated incessantly, shedding the tears, smiling brightly.

"This is like... a dream." Jen commented softly, also shedding her tears, completely thrilled. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh, after holding her breath for too long, releasing all the stress and preoccupation. After all, Jen was the one who worked the hardest to reverse Brian's sentence. "I really appreciate all you've done, Mr. Boies. I wasn't expecting it to be as good and positive as it was. Gosh, he's gonna be freed and he's not charged of any other crime. You can't even imagine the relief... Oh god." Jen covered her eyes and I saw some tears dripping into her quivering lips. Freckles placed a hand on her shoulder and kissed her cheek, so that Jen uncovered her eyes and finally beamed radiantly. "Brian is gonna live." She said while looking at Freckles and she nodded and held Jen's hands.

"Thank you for working so hard, Jen." Freckles whispered and embraced her.

After that, the attorney explained how the court happened to order all of those things; I understood half of the things he said, because he spoke in a very professional way and I was not familiar with the legal terms. However, the important matter was that Brian will not be charged again of the crimes he was sentenced; he was safe now, and clean. We talked for hours and on until the staff of the restaurant told us that they had to close. The attorney headed to his own room and so did Jen; but I decided to accompany Freckles to her own. She didn't tell me not to do it, but we walked in silence and when, surreptitiously, I tried to grab her hand, she moved it and in order to avoid feeling awkward, I pretended I wanted to put my hands in the pockets of my jeans. Once we arrived to the door of her room, she turned to face me and played with her keys, swinging and chuckling a bit nervous.

"Well..." She uttered and I quickly realized she wanted me to say goodnight and leave, so I spoke before she could say goodnight.

"What a day, eh?" I let out a titter and ran a hand over my curls. She raised her eyebrows and nodded.

Fuck, I was a sucker when it came to flirting with Freckles. I could flirt bluntly, seduce with no filter and put the moves on other chicks with any kind of problem and it usually worked; but with Freckles everything was different, I was somehow intimidated by her, perhaps because I cared about her way too much, she wasn't just a cute and hot girl, she was Freckles. In my fantasy, I was the kind of cool and perky guy who could flirt with her in a charming way and this flirting game was reciprocal; but in real life I was a dork who tried to flirt with her in a very foolish and lame way, making a fool out of myself and freaking her out. Damn me!

"I'm super happy about the good news, aren't you? I mean, those are totally awesome news! I was like freaking out before the attorney told us the news; it's unbelievable the level of stress I was suffering. But now it's like I can breathe again." I said, trying to start a conversation. That was the truth, though. I was really feeling that.

"Yes, I am really happy; I still cannot believe it. I'm excited for tomorrow." She answered with a big smile. "It was such a crazy and exhausting day!" She exclaimed while chuckling. Again, I quickly realized she wanted to say goodnight in an implicit way.

"Yeah, I have to agree with you." I responded while nodding and grinning. "So, what do think about how Brian will take this news?" I asked to make her talk, but also because I wanted to hear that response.

"Oh... I think he will be... shocked. I don't think he will believe it at first, he will think this is unreal or a trick... But when he gets to see all of us, without the handcuffs and the awful orange jumpsuit, I think he will be overflowing with joy." She answered with a radiant smile, her eyes sparkling. "And I think a lot of more things... But right now, honestly, all I can think about is bed." She tittered, playing with her keys again, glancing at the door. Oh no, shit... I had to say something; I had to make an effort to flirt with her just to show her I wanted to be with her.

"We're sharing the same thought." I looked intensely into her eyes, making a mischievous smile curl my lips.

"You're thinking about bed too?" She raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes, a smile of naivety and innocence on her face. I took a step closer.

"I'm thinking about you in my bed." I whispered huskily, a seductive and steady glare in her direction. She widened her eyes and parted her lips; then, slowly, she raised one provocative brow and the corners of her mouth curled down in an expression of dislike. Bad move, I thought. I broke the eye contact and I felt completely awkward; so I filled the silence with a loud laugh. "I was totally joking." But I was not. "Lame joke!" I widened my eyes and shrugged as she nodded slowly.

"Yeah…" She narrowed her eyes. "Well… I think I'm gonna get some sleep now. Thank you for accompanying me here. Goodnight, Darren." She said, kissing briefly my cheek as I gulped and nodded, looking down.

"Freckles?" I voiced, looking up to look at her while she was putting the keys into the door lock. She turned her face once she opened the door. "Do you think I can stay with you tonight?" I asked, this time softly and humbly, with no failed attempt to flirt, looking at her in a supplicant way. She looked down and did not answer. "Can I stay?" I repeated, stepping closer.

"It is a single bedroom." She responded, still avoiding my gaze. Hesitantly, I took a step closer.

"Is that a yes?" I asked, pushing my fingers through her hair, searching her face intently. "Please, let it be yes." I whispered with throaty voice and with a hint of plea. "Let me stay with you tonight. Let me hold you, even if that's all it is." I whispered and finally her big eyes looked into mine. I kept my unblinking eyes fixed on hers for the long time she remained in silence, until I lowered my gaze and stepped back, knowing that she wouldn't let it be a yes. "Sweet dreams, Freckles." I gave her a faint grin and turned around.

"Seriously? I thought you'd be more insistent and maybe flirt a little more, or perhaps make another sweet comment." She joked and I turned my face to look at her amazed, then a smile crossed my lips. "I was about to say yes, but you just screwed it up. What would you do now to make it be a yes?" She asked with a mischievous smirk. I couldn't explain how much that cheered me up.

"Well..." I said while looking seductively at her, a sexy smile on my face while stepping closer. "All I can say is that if you let me stay, you won't regret." I winked and she giggled and shook her head. I placed a hand on her hip and shot her a sensual look. "It will be the best night of your life." I whispered in her ear with husky voice. I parted and pierced her eyes with mine.

"Okay, you can stay." She replied with an amused smile.

"Really? Are you that easy?" I asked and she automatically made a wince.

"Ouch, bad move, Darren. So bad." She answered while shaking her head and frowning. "You'll have to sleep on the floor. Without a blanket. And without a pillow."

"But why? I think you've misunderstood me. I was wondering if you're that easy to give an awkward guy the chance to be with the most beautiful girl in this world." I winked and gave her a very provocative smile.

"Maybe I'll give you a pillow, provocative boy. But you're still sleeping on the floor without a blanket." She bit her smiling lips. Oh, she was in the mood to play. That was interesting.

"Oh, sorry... I didn't hear what you said. I was too distracted looking at your lips. Do you know that your lips look provocative when you say provocative?" I flirted, staring her lips, the sensual smirk still on my face.

"I'm thinking about giving you the blanket, too." She smirked and I looked into her eyes. I took a step closer and I placed both of my hands firmly on her hips before pulling her to me. She, as well as me, shivered when our bodies brushed. It's been a while since the last time I was this close to her.

"That's so sad..." I whispered and I lowered my gaze to her lips. "I mean..." I whispered hoarsely, moving my lips closer to hers. "It is a very cold night and we could be so warm if we stay close." I whispered in front of her lips, without touching them but close enough to make her feel my breathing against her lips. I felt an urgent need to kiss her, but I held my desires in order not to ruin this. I observed how her lips parted and I knew I won even before I returned my gaze to her eyes. "But I'll do what you say if that means I can stay with you tonight." I bowed my head in a gentlemanly way; I let go her hips and stepped back. She tilted her head to one side, raised an eyebrow and smiled in surprise.

"Alright... If you behave mannerly, maybe I'll consider letting you sleep in bed." She responded with an amused smile as I chuckled and nodded.

We entered the room and she walked straight to the closet, surely to search for her pajamas. I walked to the bed and sat there, realizing that I didn't have my suitcase here to put on at least a sweatpants and I didn't want to leave to go for them because, maybe, she could regret her decision to let me stay here. Therefore, and without asking, I took off my jacket, my shirt and my jeans to be only in my underwear while she was still too distracted looking for her pajamas. I sat on the bed and when she turned around and looked at me from head to toe, I smirked.

"I hope you don't mind if I sleep like this. I didn't bring my pajamas." I said and she looked away and shook her head, grinning softly.

"You always do the same, Darren." She commented and I giggled.

"Hey! That's so unfair! I only did this one time before and it was because, like now, I didn't have pajamas and sleeping in jeans is so fucking uncomfortable." I pointed out with an amused smile and she shook her head again and tittered.

"Alright, whatever, Darren. I don't mind." She said. "Okay! I'll put on my pajamas. Turn around." She requested and I raised my eyebrows and smirked mischievously.

"I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter." I responded, raising an eyebrow, with a provocative glare. She looked at me puzzled, but then shrugged.

"Alright, do whatever you want." She said and without even warning, she looked away and took off her pullover sweater.

I took advantage that she was not looking at me to stare her intently; I placed an arm over my groin, just in case. And sweet merciful lord, thankfully I placed my arm over my groin because this was the first time I saw her in her bra since the time we went to Munising. I forgot how sexy she was and how hot her underwear was. She was not as skinny as she was that day, so she looked even more sexy. I observed her perfect upper body, her smooth skin with all of those cute freckles and some freckles in provocative spots, her toned stomach, and her firm boobs which could been seen through her bra because it was kind of transparent. I dropped my mouth and I observed her like a fool, regretting so much to have taken off my jeans; at least the jeans would have dissimulated a bit more the bulge that was getting bigger. I tried to look away and think about something else in order to prevent my dick from getting stiff; but she started unbuttoning her jeans and she took them off, exposing her semi-transparent panties; I couldn't take my eyes off of her ass that captivated me since the first time I saw her again, even before knowing she was Freckles. Now I was literally feeling my dick throbbing and I felt something warm, so I glanced at my bulge and I noticed that my white underwear had a spot of pre-cum, making that spot transparent. I cursed inside and I felt nervous; I crossed my legs and made sure to place my arm in a position that could effectively hide it and then I looked up again. By the time I looked up, Freckles already put on her pajamas, which was a fucking silk short nightgown. Fuck my life, man. Couldn't she wear a damn flannel long nightgown? Something that a granny would wear, something that could be a big boner-buster? Freckles, unaware of the World War III that was going in my mind and body, grinned friendly at me, slowly walking to the bed to accommodate the pillows. I remained sitting at the edge of the bed, not wanting to move until I could manage to get rid of my unwanted erection. This was awkward as all heck and the more I tried, the worse it seemed to get.

"Darren, what are you doing? Aren't you planning to lie down?" I heard Freckles asking and I bit my lips.

"Yeah, just in a minute." I let out a shaky chuckle. Alright, let's try with a complicated math problem... What is the product of a pair of two-digit numbers, like 23 x 57?

"Darren, is there something wrong?" Freckles asked, walking towards me. Fuck, no. She was totally going to see what I was trying to hide. I needed to keep her away from me right now.

"No, no! I was just... Uh, I was wondering if you could show me that dress I saw in your closet. Could you?" I asked quickly, I glanced at her and I saw her frowning.

"What? Like... right now? I'm really tired and I want to sleep, Darren." Freckles complained and I huffed. When she stood next to me, I leaned forward to make sure to hide it pretty well.

"Oh, please! I really wanna see it, because it seems familiar to me and I wanna know why... Please? Would you want me to be too tormented to the point I can't sleep because I'm trying to find out why it seems familiar to me?" I asked trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"Alright... Fine." She sighed and I felt relieved. "Let's see what dress looks so familiar to you." She said, giving me her back to walk to the closet and look for the dress.

I quickly stood up and, trying to be as quiet as possible, I started doing jumping jacks to move the blood flow from my penis to my feet and arms as I was biting my tongue to cause pain to myself and that way distract myself from focusing on the erection. When she pulled out the dress, I quickly sat on the bed again, crossed my legs, and placed my arm above my erection.

"This one?" She asked, turning around to show me the dress.

"Uh, no... Not that one... The dress is kind of hidden at the back of the closet." I responded and she sighed and turned around, giving me her back again.

Considering that I wouldn't get rid of this erection so easily, I took advantage that Freckles wasn't looking to put my hands under my underwear to adjust my penis. I stuck my erection straight up and tucked it under the elastic band of my underwear, but my erection was so hard and enlarged that it was poking out of the waistband of the underwear. Fuck, what now? I thought about getting my shirt to put it on and cover it, but I stood up before checking what Freckles was doing, so when I looked ahead, I saw her looking at me... Well, not looking me, looking at my cock poking out of the underwear, raising her eyebrows, her lips slightly parted. I blushed all of a sudden, looked away, and covered the head of my penis that was poking out, feeling as embarrassed as never before.

"Oh, I understand now..." Freckles spoke and I wished I could disappear. "So, uh... I'm assuming that this whole dress thing was just a sort of excuse..." Freckles commented and I blushed even more. I gulped and I avoided any kind of eye contact. "Can I give up on searching that dress?" She asked and I ran a hand over my face.

"Yeah..." I babbled before biting my lips strongly.

"Oh, good, because I wasn't in mood to look for that dress." She commented and I scratched my head.

"I am so sorry, Freckles." I said with a pleading look. Then I made an awkward grimace. "I should have turned around when you requested." I added and this made her giggle.

"Yes, you should have." She responded with a wink and walked towards the bed as if nothing embarrassing had happened.

"Maybe I should sleep on the floor, after all." I commented while looking away, raising an eyebrow and pursing my lips.

"Why? You think I'm uncomfortable because you have a boner?" She asked and I scratched the nape of my neck, looking down and blushing again. "Don't be concerned with it. I know they happen and sometimes without being aroused, for no reason at all." She added and I bit my lower lip. This wasn't that case, this time I was aroused because I was looking at her half-naked; but that was something I was definitely not going to tell her. "And if anything, sometimes girls don't feel upset while looking at a guy with a boner in front of them... Sometimes we just feel flattered; it means they may find us attractive. I don't know, sometimes it just feels nice." She shrugged, talking as if we were talking about the weather. Then she lay down on the bed and tucked into the blankets, yawning. "So what are you gonna do? Stand like a fool, sleep on the floor or lie down next to me? Make a decision and please, would you turn off the lights?" She asked and I dropped my jaw, still amazed by the way she was taking this all with total naturalness. Maybe she was trying to save me from my embarrassment.

"Uh, yeah, sure." I answered and walked to the light switch and turned the lights off.

The moonlight was still illuminating the room, so I had no trouble to walk towards the bed. I lay down next to Freckles and tucked into the blankets, but making sure not to touch her. She was giving me her back as I was staring the ceiling, trying to picture my parents giving me a stern talk. It was the less sexually stimulating thing I could think about, and so it would help cut off the lingering feeling of desire I was having. It wasn't working, not while Freckles was next to me and her warmth and aroma was engulfing me. Therefore, trying to be as furtive as possible, I put a hand underneath my underwear and I squeezed gently below the tip of my penis, and then I increased the pressure. It was painful, but finally it was working. After a few minutes, my erection was gone.

"That's a good method, eh?" Suddenly Freckles' voice echoed in the room and it made me jump and blush at the same time. Has she seen me? The least I needed, man.

"Please, tell me you didn't see me." I whispered, my voice sounding gruff.

"If that would make you feel better... I didn't see you." She answered and I heard a low chuckle.

"Oh shit, this is the most fucking embarrassing day of my life." I huffed and shook my head in frustration and shame.

"Come on, Darren. Let it go. That shit just happens. It is completely normal, natural and uncontrollable; it is just an autonomic response of the male genitalia and everybody knows that. Same case is when women get wet for no apparent reason, unable to control it. Just let it go and let's get some sleep, okay?" She requested and I nodded. I stayed motionless, trying not to touch her in order not to make her feel uncomfortable, even if I was dying to move closer. Apparently, she noticed my tension. "You can cuddle up to me if you want, Darren. If you get another boner, I'll not comment anything… if it makes you feel that uncomfortable." She made fun of me, letting out another low chuckle.

"Look who's in a sassy mood!" I exclaimed in disbelief, but giggling. "You're lucky I'm not in mood to tickle you as a way to get back at you owing to your sass." I commented amused before turning onto my side.

I moved closer to her and I placed a hand on her waist. I stayed like this for a while until I felt more comfortable to move even closer and wrap an arm around her waist and move my face to the back of her head to smell the aroma of her hair. She placed her arm above mine and held my hand. She felt warm and familiar. I wanted to cling to her nightgown, bury my face into the warm curve of her neck, and never let go. But I did not do it in order to avoid another awkward situation. Nevertheless, when she started running her fingers through my arm, I felt a tickle that had nothing to do with a ticklish feeling, but more to do with a feeling of desire to feel her even closer. Therefore, in order not to make her feel what could happen down there, I adjusted my penis, pointing it upward, before snuggling up to her with my crotch to her butt like two spoons, to get some physical friction. I curled my toes under the backs of her toes as our legs intertwined and I dared to nuzzle my lips against her neck and shoulders. I didn't know if she was already asleep or not, but it was more likely she had her eyes closed but was wide awake. I closed my eyes and planted a kiss on the curve of her neck, and then I left a trail of slight kisses across her neck to her earlobe. I knew I had to stop when, instinctively, my hand moved from her stomach to the outer side of her thigh to rub it up and she, apparently astonished, shifted and moved my hand away. I opened my eyes and moved my face away; I really wasn't trying to feel her up or to touch her because I was aroused. I placed my hand on her arm and briefly kissed her shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I whispered because I knew she was awake.

Instead of saying something, she turned around to face me, now with her eyes wide open and her gaze steady in my eyes. A strand of hair was covering one of her eyes, so I tucked the strand of hair behind her ear, then I softly brushed her cheek with my thumb, with a kind grin. When she smiled back, I felt confident enough to wrap my arms around her waist and move my face a bit closer to hers, just to observe more clearly her face and eyes in the moonlight. She placed her hands on my chest and closed her eyes in complete relaxation as I was slowly running my fingers through her back. The more time I looked at her face, the more I knew the feelings weren't going away. I was in love with her, as I've always been. She moved a bit closer to rest her forehead on my chest as she mumbled some incoherent words; now she was asleep. I gave her a kiss on the top of the head and I rested my cheek on it, holding her tightly. When I started feeling her breathing against my bare chest, I started feeling my heart beating fast.

"Freckles?" I whispered in her ear and she just mumbled. "Freckles, are you awake?" I whispered again but the answer I got was a profound silence. "Baby?" I asked again, my voice wobbling a little. It's been a while since the last time I called her 'baby' and it felt good. She was the only person I'd ever call 'baby'. "Baby, I need to tell you something very important and I feel like I'm gonna explode if I don't say it." I whispered again and she grumbled.

"What?" I heard her voice husky with sleep. "Are you getting another boner or something? Let it go." She grumbled and frowned and I rolled my eyes.

"You won't forget that ever, will you?" I asked and moved my head away to look at her face. She slowly opened her eyes just a crack and gave me a weak but amused grin. "It's about us." I murmured, looking deeply into her eyes.

"What about us?" She frowned slightly. I gulped and cupped her jaw with my hand.

"I want to be with you..." I muttered, my eyes shimmering. I quickly corrected myself. "I need to be with you. Just with you."

"I can't get why you're so interested in me, Darren." She lowered her gaze as I puckered my brows.

"Interested? We're talking about you, Freckles. I'm infatuated." I replied, my voice sounding a bit croaky. I placed my thumb on her chin and lifted her head. I grinned sweetly when her eyes looked into mine. "I love you." My voice was straightforward, affectionate, intimate. "You make me remember who I used to be. You make me want to be that man again. Right now, holding you, I feel like we have a shot at beating all odds and making it together. I'm yours, if you'll have me."

I saw her face reflecting bewilderment, immobile, as the brightness of her eyes were highlighted by the dim light that the moon was throwing in her face. I rested my forehead in hers, cupping her cheek with my hand, looking intensely into her surprised eyes until I slowly closed them and leaned forward to brush her lips with mine. I tasted them and felt their sweet warmth before kissing them delicately, tentatively, timidly. I twirled a strand of her hair around my fingers and then, gently, I pulled her face closer to mine. I kissed her a second time, this occasion more confident, with no hesitation or fear of not being reciprocated, intensely but still tenderly. I intertwined my legs with hers and with my legs I pulled her body closer to mine. My bare stomach slightly touched the fabric of her nightgown and my thighs touched her bare thighs as I deepened the kiss. I moved my hand to her lower back and I gently pulled her closer to me, so our stomachs pressed together. Slowly, I began to roll with her to get on top of her while licking her lips to get access to inside her mouth. She buried her fingers in the back of my head and entangled her fingers on some of my curls as she parted her lips and let me massage her tongue the tip of mine. When I managed to get on top of her, I placed my hand on her thigh and, gradually, I started moving it up, lifting her nightgown so my skin could touch more of her skin. I circled her tongue with the tip of mine and she echoed the pattern back to me; then I sucked her lower lip as soft moans escaped from within; when I managed to lift her nightgown till her breasts and my stomach touched hers, I shivered while thrusting my tongue in and out in a rhythmic movement. In my attempt to move up to keep lifting her nightgown, my erection touched her pelvis and so that I let escape a loud moan that echoed at the back of her throat. I was no longer thinking, just acting with this sort of animal instinct; so, consumed by my arousal, with one hand I desperately grabbed the elastic band of her panties and pulled them down, as I grasped my dick and pulled it out with my other hand. When the head of my dick touched her clitoris, she abruptly pushed me. When I opened my eyes and saw her severe frown, her face reflecting puzzlement and her disturbed eyes, I finally came to my senses and became aware of what I was doing. I winced, pursed my lips and quickly tucked my cock under my boxers, rolling away from her. An awkward, abysmal silenced filled the room along with the shame and repentance I was feeling. What meant to be a sweet and loving moment turned out to be a fucking arousal moment, inflicted by me. I ran a hand over my face, cursing myself for ruining this moment. I just wanted to tell her that I wanted to be with her because I was in love with her, and I made it look as if I wanted to be with her just to have sex.

"I'm so sorry, Freckles." My gravelly voice broke the silence.

I waited, hopeful that she would say something, but she didn't. I turned my face to glance at her and I noticed that silent tears were escaping the corner of her eyes and dripping into the pillow while she was steadily staring the ceiling. I felt even worse. I couldn't quite understand why she was weeping, but I was sure it was something related to what I just did. And I didn't know what to do, if I should play dumb or if I should comfort her, with words or with a nice gesture like holding her. I bit my lower lip and then, shyly, I turned onto my side and moved closer to wipe her tears away with my thumb.

"Hey..." I whispered gently and she turned her face so that I couldn't see her crying. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to go to that point, I just... I couldn't control myself. I don't want you to think that I wanted to... you know." I whispered awkwardly, not knowing how to convey what I wanted to say. I felt I was making it worse and I needed to find another way. "Okay, I'll go with the truth. Would you look at me, please?" I implored softly, stroking her short hair; but she shook her head and held back a whimper. "There's no one else in this room but just you and me; and I've seen you crying before as well as you've seen me crying before. There's nothing to be ashamed of, Freckles." I whispered, my thumb brushing the nape of her neck. She slowly turned her face and I saw her reddened eyes glimmering with tears and I gave her a sad, weak smile. "I always get this feeling of self-hatred when I make you cry." I confessed while wiping her tears away, her gaze down and shy. "Because I hate the idea of you suffering; but perhaps because I'd love to be the guy who makes you smile, not cry." I kept saying until I wiped all of her tears away. "There's nothing more beautiful than seeing you smiling for something I said or did." I added with a gentle grin before looking deeply into her big, teary eyes. "I'm really sorry for getting carried away. I swear, Freckles, I swear..." I said while holding her hands, not taking my eyes off her. "That I didn't kiss you because I wanted to try to get in your pants. That didn't even cross my mind when I kissed you." I said slowly as she lowered her gaze. I searched her eyes again. "No words describe how I feel towards you, that's why I kissed you, to make you feel them. And, lamentably, instead of making you feel how much I love you, I made you feel something completely different. I'm aware I made you feel like all I want is to get laid with you; and it's anything but. You must believe me." My voice sounded throaty and a bit wobbly as she glanced at me furtively. "And yeah, I won't deny that, uh, I'd like to make love with you; the word says it all, I want to make love with you, not have sex with you; but not just right now, I want you to be sure you want the same... And that's highly contradictory considering what I recently did." I raised an eyebrow and gulped, then searched her eyes again. Once I made sure she was looking at me, I continued explaining. "I want you to know that the reason why I did what I did is because it's been so long since the last time I had the chance to hold you, kiss you, and feel you so close to me without having to worry about a damn thing, that I felt extremely consumed in you, in all those feelings and friction with you, I felt chills in my body and a sensation of warmth inside that I haven't felt in a long, long time, that my body responded to these stimulations and my ability to think was clouded, so I acted on instinct. I respect you and I wasn't trying to use you to satisfy my sexual needs; I just couldn't control myself. I'm so sorry." I apologized, looking fixedly into her eyes.

"It's okay." She whispered, her gaze down, nodding slightly. "In any case, I didn't stop you before getting to this point, even if I was noticing where this all was leading."

"Well, but that doesn't justify the way I treated you as if you were just a hook up." I replied, biting my lips and shifting my gaze. "You're not a hook up, Freckles." I looked up, my voice sounding candid. "You're the girl with whom I dream spending my life with. Simple as that." I fondled her cheek with my thumb, but she slightly turned her face, so I nodded and shifted my gaze, uncomfortable. "Freckles, I love you. I want to start something with you. I know it can be something wonderful, like in the old days."

"It is not like in the old days, Darren." She responded and I felt terrible, like all my hopes were, gradually, fading away. "And yes, I know the feelings never went away and, in fact, they grew stronger. I know you have feelings for me, and you know I have feelings for you. I'm not trying to deny it." She added and I looked at her through my lashes. Then why wouldn't she give me the chance to start a relationship with her? "But in the old days we were very young and dumb, we didn't have a previous relationship that left us heartbroken; we didn't need time to mend our broken hearts. It hasn't been so long since Brian broke up with me and that made me feel heartsick; I'm sure you also felt like that when February broke up with you. And, sadly, I'm not the kind of person who can get over something that inflicted too much pain so easily. It takes me time, a lot of time, to feel ready to start a whole new relationship with someone else. It took me nine months to start a new relationship when we grew apart because you were very important to me. And Brian wasn't a random person, I loved him. I'm not trying to push you away, Darren; but, please, try to understand that I need time. I'm not ready yet, and I don't want to ruin what we have just because I wasn't ready." She said with brittle voice, looking distressingly into my eyes, her eyes glistening with tears.

"I can help you mend your heart while being together. I can help you mend it with hugs, caresses and kisses. Just give me the chance to be your man and I swear I'll never make you feel like you're not ready." I said pleadingly, looking at her in an almost desperate way, holding both of her hands. But she let out my hands.

"It is wrong." She gulped and shifted her gaze. I placed my hand on her jaw and lowered my gaze to find her eyes.

"Being with you never felt wrong. It's the one thing I did right. You're the one thing I did right." I responded, looking deeply into her eyes as my eyes twinkled. She looked at me fixedly, but not in a severe or disgusted way, more in an afflicted way, with a slight hint of affection.

"I love you, Darren. But I really hope you can understand me." The sound of her voice allowed me to realize it was really hurtful, and perhaps frustrating, to be saying this. I looked down and pursed my lips, feeling more terrible when I thought it couldn't get any worse. "I am so sorry." Her voice cracked as I glanced at her and noticed her eyes were teary, looking at me sadly.

"It's gonna be hard, but I'll try to understand you just as long as you promise me that you'll let me be by your side, that you won't push me away and that you'll understand that just as you need time, I need to hold you. No kisses allowed, that's clear; but let me, at least, hold your hand when I need to." I requested in all seriousness. She hesitated a bit, but then gave me a faint grin.

"It seems fair enough." She replied and I nodded and looked away, without saying anything else. I wouldn't pretend I was completely satisfied with this whole 'pact'. "Darren..." She twirled one of my curls, clearly noticing my slight dispiritedness. I didn't look at her, though. "I don't wanna be selfish; and I don't wanna be a heartless person who doesn't care about what you feel and what you need. I care about you. You can hold me whenever you want, you can hold my hand, stroke my hair, caress me, hug me; you can kiss me on the cheek, temple, forehead, arms, hands, just not on the mouth, not for now. You can do all of those things, just as long as you don't push it until the point I start feeling uncomfortable... and insecure. This is not a good moment for me; and by seeing how you're taking this, I can tell this is not a good moment for you either." She said, her voice sounding gentle and mellow while she was running her fingers through my hair. "Maybe... Maybe we can figure it out together. Little by little. It's not like I don't want to be with you, but baby steps seems about right in this moment." She finished saying in a whisper and I looked straight in her eye.

I could see honesty in her eyes; I could see she really wanted to be with me and she wanted us to work, but she couldn't let it happen all of a sudden. So I changed my disgruntled face and, instead, I smiled at her, softening my stern gaze.

"In the future..." I spoke and she listened intently. "Will there be an 'us'?"

"The 'us' was never gone." She simply answered, a sweet grin lighting up her face. "There was always an 'us'; different, constantly changing; but it was always there." She continued saying and then she took one of my hands and placed it on her heart as she placed one of her hands on my chest. "It was always here." She added and I couldn't help grinning fondly at her.

---

Next morning you woke up really early; not because you were no longer tired, but because you heard a thunderous sound that made you jump and open your eyes widely and abruptly. You saw Darren on the floor, near the door, rubbing his head, the sleeve of his shirt covering his face. Apparently, he stumbled upon the door because he couldn't see and he hit his head. You frowned, looking at him confused and a bit disturbed. Then you saw how he managed to take his shirt off, exposing his reddened face, gasping for air; all in a surreptitiously way. When he glanced at your direction, you pretended to be asleep. Then, with your eyes half-opened, you saw how he put his shirt on, this time correctly, and how he, quietly and furtively, stood up, walked to the door and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Seriously?" You spoke, your voice husky with sleep, now sitting on the bed, looking fixedly at him. He jumped, closed his eyes and clenched his jaw; the typical expression when you're undesirably caught. "Are you really trying to sneak out before I wake up?" You asked, bewildered. He bit his lips strongly and opened his eyes, slowly turning his face to you. "I didn't know you were that kind of guy." You added, half-seriously, half-jokingly.

"I, uh, no... Um..." He babbled, his face reflecting nervousness. You stared at him very intently, raising an eyebrow, yet biting your tongue not to laugh. "It's not what it seems." He said with eyes wide open, gesturing something with his hands. "I'm not the kind of guy who would run away in order not to wake up next to a girl after some sort of intimate moment..." He explained awkwardly, his cheeks slightly rosy. "I, uh..." He stammered again, running a hand over his curls, getting to mess them up, as you were fixedly and silently looking at him. Then he let out a loud sigh. "Basically, the plan was to sneak out to go to my room to shower and get some clean clothes and then sneak in your room again, so that I could be here by the time you wake up, clean and ready to start the day. Obviously, it was an epic fail." He huffed, looking away out of shame.

"Obviously." You emphasized and he glanced at you very troubled.

"Why the fuck did you have to wake up this early? Dammit!" He complained in frustration.

"Well, it's not my fault that you don't know how to properly put on a shirt and that you're so clumsy to stumble and hit your face against the door, making such a rowdy noise that would wake up even the Sleeping Beauty." You pointed out and he rolled his eyes.

"Do not joke about it! I think I have a bump on my head." He pouted, rubbing his forehead.

"That's the price you have to pay for wanting to sneak out like the damn Road Runner!" You exclaimed, widening your eyes in an expression of skepticism, trying hard to hold your laughter back.

"Oh yeah, certainly... I just forgot you're such a wicked witch! You'd make a good Elphaba, probably the best one humanity has ever got to see. You'd be praised!" He widened his eyes and made a very theatrical grimace of incredulity and amazement, throwing his hands up, clapping. "I kneel before you, oh you great Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West!" He fell on his knees and bowed his head. "Oh, you're causing such a commotion!" He exclaimed theatrically.

"I don't cause commotions, I am one." You raised an eyebrow and smirked in a very mischievous way.

"It seems the artichoke is steamed." He looked away, raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips. "I know you don't want to hear this, but someone has got to say it! You are out of control!" He exclaimed loudly, throwing his hands up and shaking his head. Then he sighed and looked at you as you were biting your tongue, very amused. "What can I do to get your forgiveness?" He asked and you, suddenly, stood on the bed, crossed your arms above your chest and leered at him in a condescending way.

"Well... No good deed goes unpunished..." You started answering with a scornful facial expression and you noticed how Darren's eyes sparkled as an amused smile appeared on his face. He clearly liked all of this role-play game mixed with reality. "You will..."

You started saying but you stopped when he ran to you, jumped into bed and took you by the waist to make you fall on the bed before he started tickling you while kissing you all over your face as you were chortling loudly. Then he stopped to look at you with a pair of shiny hazel eyes and a very bright and broad smile.

"I love you so much. You're the best." He gave you a noisy kiss on the cheek as you giggled.

"I can tell you are in a very good mood." You pointed out, looking at his perky face.

"How wouldn't I?" He asked rhetorically, showing all of his teeth. "I got to wake up next to the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world and my bro friend is gonna be freed in a matter of hours! This is like... the best day ever!" He exclaimed joyfully and you couldn't help smiling widely, with abject happiness. "Aren't you like... totally happy?"

"Yes, I am." You replied merrily, lifting your head to kiss his cheek, also in a noisy way. "What about that shower now? I need one, too." You suggested and you saw his eyes darkening.

"A shower... together?" He wiggled his eyebrows and looked at you in a very perverted way. You just rolled your eyes, amused, though. "I guess that's a no."

"You guessed well, I'm blown away!" You responded with a chuckle.

"Well, it was worth the try." He shrugged and finally stood up, not before kissing your cheek again.

After that very-early-in-the-morning conversation, Darren left your room and you showered and got dressed to start this day that, as Darren accurately stated, was the best day ever. You met him, Jen and Mr. Boies in the restaurant of the hotel to have breakfast as Mr. Boies was explaining us how it'd be the procedure of freeing Brian. During the entire breakfast time, Darren's knee would 'accidentally' rub your knee, his arm would 'fortuitously' brush your arm, and his fingers would 'unintentionally' touch yours; something that made hard your ability to listen attentively to what Mr. Boies was saying; however, instead of being something annoying, it was something that made your morning weirdly better. You liked whatever game Darren was playing, if it even was a game. What you didn't expect was when Darren, deliberately, placed a hand on your thigh and squeezed it when Mr. Boies said 'After that, your friend will be free to start all the adventures he has missed and all the adventures you've got left to experience together'. You were happy for hearing that, but that happiness was mixed with this kind of uneasy feeling owing to be concentrated in the warmth of Darren's hand on your thigh. You looked at him askew, and the only you could see was a big excitement on his face due to the great news, no ulterior excuses to be touching your thigh; so you enjoyed the pleasure of the great news as well. At 8 o'clock, the three of you were in San Quentin, waiting for the moment they would free Brian and you'd get to see him again; it was needless to say how eager and animated all of you were. After a while, Darren shook your shoulder energetically, so that you looked up. In the distance, behind the depressing electric fence, a correctional officer was escorting Brian to the gate. Brian was no longer wearing the horrible orange jumpsuit, but he still had his ankles and hands handcuffed. Once they arrived to the gate and before crossing it, the officer took off Brian's handcuffs and Brian took a time to examine and move his hands and feet freely, with no handcuffs to restrain his movements; his face reflecting amazement and surprise, as if doing this was something completely new that he didn't know he could do. After that, the officer hurried Brian and he finally crossed the gate, looking down to see how his feet were taking normal steps. When he looked up and his eyes saw the three of you waiting for him, he stopped abruptly. Underneath his unusual stubble, you saw a smile; and above his dark circles and underneath his puffy and reddened eyes, you saw a twinkle of happiness; making his bony and haggard face look, somehow, radiant. Jen, Darren and you did not hesitate to run to him and pull him into a very tight group hug. You heard Brian's gruff chuckle of joy and then all of you parted to look at that pair of green eyes which recovered the brightness that was lost during his time in prison. Nonetheless, you saw something dark and gloom very deep in his pale green eyes that not even when you visited him was there. Then you examined his face and you noticed he had fingers marked on his neck, as though someone had strangled him; yet you played dumb, you didn't want to ruin this moment of joy. You alone embraced him once again, softly rubbing his back; you noticed he strained and held back a wail, as if what you did inflicted pain on him, so you stopped rubbing his back.

"I love you." You whispered in his ear and he flinched, not in the way he was thrilled, but in the way he seemed to be horrified.

"Please, don't whisper in my ear." He requested, his voice sounding hoarse. You scowled but nodded before parting.

You stepped back, yet remained next to him. Darren, on the other side of him, let fall his hand on Brian's shoulder to pat it as Brian got a bit strained. Jen, in front of him, held one of his hands and Brian, once again, shivered slightly. No one seemed to have noticed this, except you. Despite this, Brian grinned faintly; you could notice he wanted to smile for real, but it ended up being a weird grimace instead.

"I already told this to Freckles, but I want you to know... This is the best day ever, bro!" Darren exclaimed with an ear-to-ear grin. Brian just smiled with a corner of his mouth.

"Speaking for everyone, we are really happy, Brian." Jen said in a gentle and sweet way as Darren and you nodded, then she squeezed his hand and he just gave her a faint, crooked smile. "We are aware that prison food is a real shit..." Jen started saying, a bit jokingly, and Brian let out a chuckle; but it sounded kind of dull. "So we thought about celebrating this important event with a super delicious breakfast for you in the best coffee shop in San Rafael. How about that, eh?" She asked in an enthusiastic way, but Brian just forced a grin and lowered his gaze. And you knew exactly why.

'Prison food is a real shit' was equivalent to 'You lost too much weight, so we want to do something about'. And Brian noticed this, he was not a fool. And, judging by what he told you when you visited him, he wasn't not eating because prison food was a real shit, but because he couldn't eat, because every time he was eating and the image of Jack's body popped into his mind, his stomach churned.

"You don't have to do it, guys. I already had breakfast at 6 am." He answered with gruff voice, his gaze still down.

"Well, but we're talking about a real breakfast, bro. Coffee and orange juice, scrambled eggs, sliced bacon, toast with jam and pancakes with syrup. Fucking delicious, man. You won't refuse that breakfast, will you?" Darren asked, looking cheerfully at Brian who wouldn't stop looking at his feet.

"Bri, this breakfast will be a good excuse to pig out, but also to talk to you. We all have missed you." You said with mellow voice and a kind smile.

After that, you did something that led to a fraught situation. You placed your fingers on the nape of his neck and softly ran your fingers across his neck, to caress it in a sweet way; but Brian, all of a sudden and as a defensive reaction, turned around and brutally took you by the wrist and, without even hesitating, he twisted your wrist and threw you on the ground, making you shrink in pain as some tears, inevitably, fell down your cheeks accompanied with a moan owing to the pain. You looked up with tears in your eyes and you saw Brian panting, his eyes lost and perturbed, as though he lost his mind and was acting on instinct. You observed how his lost and perturbed eyes, slowly, reflected disturbance and concern, as he, slightly, dropped his mouth and his face went pale, quickly releasing your wrist. You stood up as he ran a shaky hand over his face while Jen and Darren were looking at Brian in shock, the same way you were looking at him. You looked at your wrist and saw his fingers marked on it due to the pressure he applied, it was throbbing and it was still hurting.

"I am terribly sorry, Sunny. I am so sorry." His brittle, trembling voice came out as a whisper; while you took a deep breathe to dissipate the sudden fear to try to understand that it could be normal the way he reacted.

"It's okay, Brian. Don't worry." You responded, your voice trembling but trying to make it sound gentle. However, you didn't dare to touch him again. Brian shook his head and you finally saw his agitated and moist green eyes.

"I am really sorry, I didn't mean..." He gasped and bit his quivering lips, lowering his gaze, leaving his response unfinished.

"I know, Brian. I said don't worry about it. Let's just forget it, okay?" You said, forcing a smile as Darren and Jen looked down. "What about that breakfast, eh? I bet it's not gonna be as good as your breakfasts, Bri; but it'll be good enough." You suggested, trying to sound cheery to revert this sudden uncomfortable situation. "I'll make sure to order a Cappuccino for you." You winked, still trying to smile brightly. But Brian was still tucked inside his bubble of concern and turmoil; so the silence that followed was inescapable.

"Hell yeah!" Darren exclaimed to fill the silence and you thanked him inside. "Just let's go! I'm sure all of us are starving." He said to hurry this business, also trying to leave behind this uncomfortable situation. Brian did not move a single muscle.

"Brian?" Jen called up gently and he, finally, looked up. She extended her arm and looked at his hand. "May I?" She asked, not daring to touch him.

He looked at her hand stretching out to his and he nodded slightly. Jen, carefully and looking deeply into his eyes, took Brian's hand. When she made sure he was not gonna react in an instinctive and violent way again, she held his hand firmly. Jen glanced at Darren and you to let you know she could manage this, and then she started leading Brian out this place. You stood still for a while, looking how Brian and Jen were walking, and Darren stood next to you, also looking at them.

"Are you okay, Freckles?" Darren whispered and your eyes filled with tears and your lips began to quiver.

"Yes, I am." You replied with strangled voice.

You looked at them, trying to make sense of why Brian reacted that way when you whispered in his ear and when you touched his neck. He didn't react in a harsh way with Jen when she took his hand, or with Darren when he patted his shoulder. You thought that maybe the problem was yours, that maybe you, somehow, did something wrong or you hurt him. You looked at your wrist and rubbed it to try to ease the pain; you took that thought away from you. Probably what you were thinking was a silly thing; what really mattered was that Brian was freed, that he was gonna live; and those were the reasons why you were happy.

"May I?" Darren suddenly asked, looking at your wrist. You nodded and show it to him. He grimaced. "It doesn't look so good. It's swollen and purple."

"Yeah, the blood circulation was cut off, that's why. But it'll get better." You shrugged.

"Why do you think he did that? That reaction is unusual on him." He wondered and you felt a bit irked because you wanted to forget this and you didn't have the answers; but you calmed when you understood he was just asking because he was still astonished.

"I don't know. I guess it is the side effect of being locked in a place where you have to deal with violence at all hours." You replied trying to sound quiet, but inside your heart was aching. Darren nodded slowly.

"When you said that Brian doesn't look like the Brian we used to know... I never thought you meant it literally." He commented and you pursed your lips, looking down. "He looks really bad... Not just his outward appearance, but also he seems to be mentally affected."

"Yeah, I know. He looks even worse than the day I visited him." You whispered and let out a sigh. "Nonetheless, I believe that, deep inside, he is happy to be released from prison." You added, trying to grasp the positive.

"Yes, and we're happy too, aren't we? He just needs help and we'll help him recover the normal life he was carrying before prison. We can make it, Freckles." Darren said, grinning nicely, also grasping the positive. You looked at him with a kind smile and nodded.

"Yes, we can." You replied and kissed his cheek. "Let's go join them or I'm afraid they'll disappear from our sight."

Darren chuckled softly and nodded before holding your hand. You trotted toward them and finally approached them; however, you and Darren walked a few steps behind them. You arrived at the coffee shop you searched on Google before going to San Quentin and you all ordered something. Brian wasn't very talkative, even if you overwhelmed him with questions and jokes to make him feel better. He would respond only just enough to answer the question without pretense to engage in conversation, he would joylessly chuckle at jokes, and he would just listen to your conversations, with his gaze blank. He was physically there, but he was mentally away; in another gloomy dimension where only he had a free pass. He drank all the coffee and with the fork he played with the food to make you think he ate something, but he did not eat a bite. Taking advantage of the fact that most of the time Brian was looking at his dish, Jen, Darren and you exchanged looks. This was none of what you thought it would be like to be with him again. Brian was saved from death; but it seemed he caused his own inner death and you couldn't save him from it on time.

"Would you excuse me?" Brian suddenly asked in the middle of a joke that Darren was telling. You all looked at him by the time he stood up. "I want to get some fresh air." He announced and turned around to leave.

"Oh, uh, we can leave and go to the hotel on foot if you want." Jen said and Brian shook his head.

"No... No, I wanna stay here a little more but... I need some fresh air." He replied and you all nodded, concern reflecting off your faces. "And, uh, I would want to be alone, please." He added and you nodded, even if none of you approved this. "Thanks." With this final word, Brian walked out the coffee shop.

"What's going on with him?" Darren asked worried.

"I think he is depressed. He feels the need to feel happy for being freed, but his depression is not allowing him to feel good, so he feels frustrated; therefore, he wants to be alone to try to solve his troubles." Jen stated her point of view, which could be pretty accurate. "Besides, let's do not forget that being in prison can be a quite lonely life and if you talk to somebody, you have to be on guard in case they want to hurt you; so, he's no longer used to talking to people in a friendly ambience." She continued saying and you had to agree to this. "I'm afraid he spent too much time in the Death Row and that clearly affected him in an absolutely negative way."

"But he's happy to be with us again, right?" Darren questioned doubtfully.

"Yes, I think he is." Jen answered, but irresolutely. "I just have this feeling... This feeling that he thinks we're ashamed of being with him because he is an ex-inmate."

"That's stupid. I'd never be ashamed of being with him, no matter what. I mean, he is our friend and he kinda saved our lives, not just once but several times. Why would he think such a thing?" Darren asked skeptically.

"I don't know, I just studied one year of Psychology and never graduated. But the human mind can act in a very strange way and differs according to every human being." Jen answered.

You were feeling like you could no longer listen to this conversation full of guesses and assumptions; you wanted to get to the heart of the matter and find out what was happening with Brian. Therefore, you stood up and they looked at you.

"I'll get some fresh air, too. And I'd also like to go alone. Excuse me, guys."

You left before they could ask something. You heard Jen saying 'Give them some time alone, Darren'; and then you walked out the coffee shop. You saw Brian standing, leaning on his side against the brick wall near the service door of the shop, giving you his back. You couldn't see his face, but his posture spoke volumes about how he was feeling. He had a closed posture, hunching forward and keeping the arms and legs crossed. You approached him slowly until you were standing behind him. He seemingly didn't notice your presence, so you placed a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there. All of a sudden and before you could react, or even blink or breathe; he closed his hand around your neck and pushed you against the wall, causing your head smash into the cold bricks. With all his strength, he pulled you up against the wall, so that you could not touch the ground; and such was the force with which he was closing his hand around your neck, that you could not breathe. You fought to gasp for air as your throat closed in and you began to feel an intense pressure in your head, your temple throbbing and your face reddening as you were struggling to touch the ground with your feet. You started scratching your neck, trying desperately to remove his hands so that you could breathe, but he added pressure as you were almost clawing your neck to shreds, just trying to get your fingers under his hands. No one was near to see this and help you, and your desperation was making things worse; your eyes were hurting like the bases wanted to pop and you were getting sleepy, your vision darkening and turning blurred, your ears deafening. Nonetheless, you tried to fix your gaze on his eyes and when you did, you saw that lost and blank stare he had when he twisted your wrist; he was not conscious of this and who you were. You were weakening and you felt you were about to black out; therefore, with your last breathe, you struggled very hard to speak.

"Brian... Sunny... Me..." Your strangled voice came out from your mouth before your vision completely darkened.

All of a sudden, you felt your body crashing into the ground and the pressure in your neck disappeared; however, you could not move and you could not gasp for air because your throat was closed off. You literally felt your life escaping your body until you felt how someone was providing you oxygen by breathing in and out through your mouth and pressing your chest from time to time. After a while, you felt the oxygen reaching your lungs, so you inhaled deeply and finally opened your eyes just a crack. The first you saw was something green and as your vision became clearer, you distinguished a pair of green eyes, and after a while you perceived extreme consternation and fright in those eyes that were looking at you. Your heavy eyes were shutting again until you felt warm drops of tears hitting your face and how a hand was moved to the nape of your neck to lift your head and, finally, your deaf ears recovered their hearing.

"Please, Sunny, do not close your eyes, do not close your eyes, do not close your eyes." A man's wheezy voice repeated endlessly. You wanted to please him, but truth was you were very sleepy and you didn't have the strength to keep them open. "No, listen to me, you have to keep your eyes open, please."

But your eyes won you. Your eyes shut and you felt weak again, and cold. You felt very cold. Once again you felt someone applying pressure on your chest from time to time, you felt someone breathing for you through your mouth; then the deep inhalation when you felt air reaching your lungs. You fought to open your eyes again and saw a light brown hair, then lips parting from yours, then the green eyes searching yours.

"Stay with me, Sunny. Show me you can breathe." You heard his wobbly voice.

With all your strength, you tried to breathe and your lungs inflated and deflated as you observed your chest rising and falling in long, deep cycles. The cold you were feeling decreased and your vision was getting clearer. The hard effort you had to make to breathe when the boy with green eyes requested you, became less hard after a while until you managed to breathe without thinking you had to breathe.

"Am I... doing it... right?" You asked with breathy voice, feeling your throat hurting with each word pronounced. You heard a wail and then the boy embraced you while sobbing.

"Yes, you're doing it right, Sunny." He whimpered in your ear. You finally recognized it was Brian. "I am so sorry! I don't know what happened, I didn't know... I wasn't aware... I am so sorry, Sunny."

"You saved me." You responded, again feeling your throat hurting.

"I caused you this! I caused you to black out and... if I hadn't realized it was you on time... You... You... I almost kill you." He sobbed. You felt his body trembling and you wanted to hug him back, but you were still feeling weak.

"But you saved me. That is what counts." You replied, trying to smile. "I... I need to return... to the hotel... please."

"Yes, yes." He said hurriedly, kissing your forehead.

"I can't..." You tried to continue talking to tell him you could not walk; but you felt if you did so, you'd faint again.

"Yes, I know... Don't force yourself to talk... I got it." He said, his voice still trembling.

You noticed he took you in his arms as you buried your head on his shoulder and let your arms and legs fall freely. He put your arms around his neck as he placed an arm on your back and his other arm on the back of your knees. Then he started walking slowly, so that you didn't suffer too much the constant movement. You allowed yourself to close your eyes now that you were feeling safe. You heard the sound of the bell when someone opened the door of the coffee shop, then you heard a conversation, more like a questioning.

"Oh my god! What happened?" You heard Jen's altered voice.

"What the fuck?" Darren's voice almost screaming. "You did this?"

"I am so sorry!" Brian's distressed, choked voice. "I lost my mind and I didn't know who she was and... I am so sorry."

"How could you? Look at her neck, goddammit!" Darren's yell.

"Stop!" Jen's imposing voice. "Let's take her to the hotel room. Now."

"Leave her, Brian. I'll be the one taking her in my arms, not you." Darren's voice sounding harsh.

"Brian is stronger than you, Darren. And he won't hurt her."

"Fuck it, Jen! He strangled her!" Darren's furious voice.

"It was a mistake. Enough. Let's take her to the hotel room." Jen said with determination.

"I'm really sorry." Brian's teary voice was the last you heard before you sink into a deep sleep.

---

I was truly happy that Brian was released from prison; I really was; until he did those violent things. He was not the same guy I knew; he changed too much. I didn't want to push him away because I could understand he wasn't doing this on purpose and I could understand he was not in his right mind, but if he continued behaving this way... I just couldn't let him be near Freckles, otherwise, one day in one of his unconscious fits of anger, he was gonna end up killing her before realizing what he was doing. I knew, I truly knew that Brian wasn't a criminal; but this time it was pure luck that Freckles survived. From the edge of the bed, I looked at Freckles sleeping, I looked the fingers marked on her neck that had now red and purple bruises and some of them were turning black, the fingers marked on her wrist, a strand of hair falling on her left closed eye. She's been sleeping for five hours and I skipped lunch just to take care of her. I leaned to tuck the strand of hair behind her ear and she slowly half-opened her eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I asked gently, fondling her cheek. She gave me a faint smile and closed her eyes.

"Fine." She responded, her voice sounding gruff and sore.

"Can I get you anything? Maybe a glass of water?" I asked politely.

"No, thanks." She responded and half-opened her eyes again. "What happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked cautiously.

"Uh... Leaving the coffee shop and seeing Brian alone, leaning against the wall." She responded and I bit my lips and nodded. She couldn't remember that she was strangled. "Wait..." She suddenly added, her face thoughtful. "Hold on, I remember... Yes, I remember I scared him and he reacted in a... well, in an unusual way."

"He strangled you. And you almost die. I'm not even overdoing things." I stated, looking intently into her eyes.

"Well, that's unfair..." I could notice the hint of annoyance in her voice. Of course she would get steamed up. Sometimes she could not understand the severity of a certain situation when it came to someone she loved. "He wasn't aware of what he was doing, but then he realized and stopped. He saved me, you know?"

"Yeah, well, fortunately he came to his right mind before he could strangle you to death." I whispered, looking away and raising an eyebrow. "And fortunately he stopped twisting your wrist before he could break your bone."

"You know he doesn't do that on purpose, don't you?" She asked, her voice sounding a bit aggressive. "He just came out from prison, what do you expect? You think that life in prison is all pink, love and peace, come here and give me a hug and oh I love you and let's fart rainbows and live happily ever after?" She began to ramble, almost yelling, as I was looking at her disgusted, frowning. "Hell no! Life in prison is like living a nightmare, or being in middle of a horror movie you can't escape, where you're constantly threatened with death, and the only you can witness is violence. I could not possibly imagine what shitty and traumatic things he has had to experience and see for him to be this traumatized! Not to talk about the fact that he is traumatized for causing someone's death! He can't sleep, he can't eat, he can't talk because he is all the time picturing Jack's body lying in the pool of blood. And all of this happened before he could have the enough time to grieve his dad, who was, I'd like to remind you, the only family he had left. What the fuck did you expect?" She asked in a yell and I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip in order not to blow a fuss. "Could you be a little more understanding? Because you're judging him very unfairly and I would like to remind you that if Brian is like this now, it's partly because of our fault, because he'd have never had to suffer all of that if he hadn't chosen to save our lives."

"Freckles, stop..." I said trying to remain calm.

"I thought he was your bro friend! That's what you said... Or were those just empty words?" She asked, apparently she was in the mood of attacking me.

"Shut the fuck up, Freckles, goddammit!" I shouted and she finally shut up. "Yes, he is my friend, but he is not the same person he used to be!" I clarified, gasping to calm down again. "I understand why he may be acting this way and I want to help him, but I can't do it if we'll have to worry all the time about his unconscious fits of anger, being on guard all the time, thinking that in any moment he can kill us unintentionally."

"Darren, what are you saying?" She asked, but this time her voice didn't sound harsh, it sounded as though she was disappointed in me, very distressed. "You're talking about him as if he was some sort of ax murderer." I looked away and pursed my lips.

"Maybe he is." I whispered and I regretted automatically when I saw Freckles' afflicted eyes. "Unintentionally." I added as a way to fix it. But it got worse. "Listen, I... I'm just saying that it's dangerous to be around him now." Getting worse. She was now looking down, frowning slightly and parting her lips. But damn, it was the truth. "Freckles, come on... The things he did to you... He is not in his right mind and he, unfortunately, turned into a dangerous person. I swear I try to see him as the super nice guy he was... But there's nothing left of the person he used to be. Something dark and violent took over him and took away all his goodness." Freckles looked at me with a pair of teary eyes. "I hate to admit it... But he's no longer a good guy. Prison has changed him."

"Is this the way you face the hard moments? Pushing people with trouble away in order to make your life easier?" She questioned.

"This is not about a hard moment. We're talking about a guy who almost kills you." I answered, avoiding eye contact.

"He is your friend." Her voice cracked and I looked down.

"He was my friend." I corrected her.

"He saved your life, not just once but at every opportunity." She reminded, her voice still brittle. I felt my throat tightening; I was feeling like a nasty, ungrateful guy… But I couldn't help feeling this way about the new Brian.

"I know, and I'll always be grateful for that and I'll always be indebted to him. But I'm not like you. I can't... I can't be friends with him, because that is not... not the person who was my friend. This is like... another person and I feel like... I don't know who he is. I can't be friends with a guy who could kill me because he is... out of his mind. I'm sorry for saying this, but it's the truth." I finished saying, my gaze fixed on my lap. But then I decided to add something else. "And you know this, too. And you're in a terribly danger if you continue being near him." I dared to look at her and I saw a tear rolling down her cheek and dripping into her mouth.

"I prefer being in danger rather than pushing away the one person who gave me the chance to be having this conversation right now. I'm sorry you think like that about the person who gave up his life in order to give you the bless of having your life." She replied. I could feel the huge disappointment she was feeling and it hurt me, but I couldn't do anything about. I wouldn't lie to her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too. But there's nothing I can do about. I cannot be friends with him while he's like this." I whispered and rubbed my knee, clenching my jaw. Everything was going straight to hell and I could feel it in the abysmal, oppressive silence that followed my final words.

"It's your decision, Darren. And I have my own decision. Sadly, they aren't the same." Freckles finally spoke. I glanced at her and found her looking away, her stare blank.

"Sadly." I sighed.

"Thank you for taking care of me while I was sleeping, but... Would you leave me alone now?" She requested gently.

That hit me like a ton of bricks, it truly hurt me. Right when things were going straight with her. But there were things to which we simply couldn't agree due to the fact that we were too different. I took a deep breath and, without glancing at her, I nodded and stood up. She could understand Brian... But why couldn't she understand that I was very worried about her and her safety? Why couldn't she understand that all I said was because I didn't want her to be killed by one of Brian's unconscious anger outbursts? Why could she understand Brian but she couldn't understand me? Thus, when I reached the door, I stopped and looked at her sadly.

"Be careful, Freckles." I said and she just pursed her lips and shook her head, very disappointed and crestfallen. I felt the lump in my throat as I headed outside, and before closing the door, I looked at her once again. "I love you."

I waited for her to say 'Love you, too'; but she just buried her head in the pillow and the only sound that came out from her mouth was her sobs.

---

After wasting the whole morning and part of the afternoon locked in your bedroom, you were standing in front of the door of Brian's hotel room, hesitating whether you should knock or not. Before heading to there, you talked to Jen and she told you that Brian didn't stop saying he was sorry until he locked himself in his room. However, there you were, wondering if you should enter his room and be with him completely alone with nothing to defend yourself if something bad came to happen. You had to admit that what Darren said was in part truth; but it was mostly hurtful. It really hurt your feelings because you weren't expecting something like that from him. Darren wasn't that kind of person and you knew that, that was why you didn't insult him; maybe this whole situation took him by surprise and he was just confused, and one doesn't make the best decisions when being confused. Perhaps with time he would realize that what he said was wrong and unfair; so you wouldn't draw away from him because he didn't deserve it and because he was very important to you, despite his hurtful words. After a while, you decided to knock the door because he was Brian, your best friend, the person to whom you owed your life. Oh, but you would have a serious conversation with him.

"Who is it?" His voice came from inside.

"It's me, Brian." You answered. He'd recognize you with just that.

"Just a minute." He responded. But you waited for several minutes, so you knocked again. "One minute, Sunny."

"I already waited a minute, more than a minute, in fact." You responded. Again, you waited for several minutes; so, impatiently, knocked the door. "Brian!"

"Just give me a minute, please!"

"Oh, come on! What are you doing?" You asked, already losing your cool. Hence, you made a big effort to calm down. "Brian..."

"I'm sorry." He said, finally opening the door. "I was... uh, getting dressed." He said and you saw his wet hair, so you nodded. "Um, do you wanna go for a walk?"

"No. I want to get in. Can I?" You asked bluntly and he raised his eyebrows. That was when you noticed that he had redness and swelling of the eyes, dark circles and under-eye bags.

"Yeah, sure." He answered, stepping aside to let you in.

His voice was croaky, as if he had a sore throat. You stepped in and then you observed how he put in a small suitcase the clothes that were on the floor. That was when you noticed he was wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, inside the room heated to 90 degrees Fahrenheit.

"Do you realize that it's very hot in here to be wearing a long sleeve t-shirt?" You asked and he looked at you a bit nervous.

"Well, yeah... It just feels nice to be warm." He answered and continued putting his clothes in the suitcase.

You noticed that part of his hair was dry, which meant he dipped his hair to make you believe that he was showering. Hence, you observed his entire room to find any kind of evidence that could prove why he didn't want to open the door right away and made up this whole story that he was showering and getting dressed. And you found it. The sheets of his bed had blood; he tried to cover it with the pillow, but he wasn't careful enough. You walked to the bed and sat near the blood, then looked at him very intently.

"I'm sorry, I'm almost done." He excused himself and you nodded.

"How was the shower?" You asked.

"Really nice. I forgot how nice is to shower with warm water." He answered and you looked down, a bit afflicted. Why was he lying to you?

"Can you put on that black polo shirt? I always loved how that one looks on you." You requested gently and he looked at you stunned, then shifted his gaze.

"Uh... I really wanna wear this shirt... Maybe another time." He answered, then you became more suspicious.

"Please, Brian. Put on that shirt, it brings out your green eyes." You insisted and he avoided your gaze.

"No, Sunny. Maybe another time." He replied.

"Can you take off that long sleeve shirt?" You asked, this time not so gently.

"Excuse me?" He asked confused and amazed.

"I said take that shirt off. In fact... Take all of your clothes off." You answered bluntly.

"What?" He asked, letting out a short chuckle, his face reflecting puzzlement. You knew he heard you pretty well, so, instead of answering, you looked fixedly at him. "I'm not gonna do that." He responded, now serious, getting entertained with something else.

"Actually, I'm ordering you to take off your clothes. Just stay in your underwear." You said firmly.

"I said I'm not gonna do that." He answered, even more firmly.

"Alright, you leave me no choice." You said, standing up.

He didn't see you coming, so you took advantage to tug his shirt up and he, all of a sudden, pushed you harshly, making you fall on the floor, hitting your head against the edge of the bed. You touched the back of your head, you saw your fingers with blood and then you looked at Brian with tears in your eyes, a bit frightened. He was looking at you horrified, wide-eyed, his lips quivering, very distressed.

"I am so sorry." He whispered with trembling voice. You thought this was another of his 'fits of anger' as Darren called it. You wiped your tears away and stood up.

"Forget it. It was a bad idea coming here." You said with wobbly voice, still frightened.

"I am really sorry, Sunny." He repeated when you were heading to the door. You turned your face.

"Your apologies won't stop you from killing me unintentionally. It's not safe to be around you." You blurted, without thinking.

You became aware of what you said when Brian broke into tears, falling on the floor. You felt terrible, so you walked towards him and kneeled next to him. He was covering his face, so you placed a hand on his back, but he shrank not to let you touch him.

"No, you shouldn't be near me. I'm a monster." He sobbed and that made you feel even sadder.

"You're not a monster." You answered softly. "You are my best friend."

"I used to be your best friend. Now I'm a fucking monster who only hurts you." He tried to articulate with his choked voice. "Run away from me, Sunny, now that you're still on time. I don't wanna hurt you, so please, run away from me."

"I'm not going anywhere." You responded with brittle voice. "Best friends are through thick and thin. Besides, we made a pinky promise." You whispered, rubbing his back. He winced in pain when you did this. "What do you have in your back?" You asked and he finally uncovered his face to look at you. "I want to know what has happened for you to act this way. Please, tell me, Brian." You implored and he sobbed and wailed. His face never looked so dejected.

"I'm ashamed." He responded.

"Brian, it's me." You said with sad eyes.

"I know... But..." He sobbed and bit his lips, looking away. "This... I am so ashamed."

"You don't have to feel ashamed with me, for any reason. We've shared our deepest secrets, Bri." You whispered, taking his hands. He shook his head and whimpered. "I don't know what happened to you, but nothing will make me feel ashamed of you. I'd like if you can tell me."

"It's really bad." He said with shrill voice.

"I still want to know, whatever it is." You asserted and wiped his tears away.

Brian looked deeply into your eyes, first to thank you, then to ask you if you were ready. You nodded surefire, but a bit scared of what it could be. He didn't speak; instead, he carefully took his shirt and jeans off. You gasped in horror when you saw it and tears pricked at the corner of your eyes; nonetheless, you held them back and made your biggest effort to remain expressionless. Brian wouldn't explain you anything if he happened to see you crying or aghast. He was hunched, his head pointing down and his lips pursed, ashamed of something he shouldn't be ashamed of, exposing his bare chest, back, arms and legs with dark purple and black bruises accompanied by swelling, besides the old and new cuts he had on his thighs. There was almost no spot in his body that wasn't bruised. He even had bandages in some spots, especially in his back and stomach; some of the bandages seemed to be recently changed, some of them were old and blood could be seen through them. Then you understood that the blood you saw in the sheets of his bed wasn't because he cut himself as you were suspecting, but because he was changing the bandages and that was the reason why he couldn't open the door. You understood why he was wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, it wasn't because he cut his wrists as you thought; you understood why he winced in pain whenever someone touched him, it wasn't because he didn't feel comfortable around you as you thought; and you were starting to get an idea of why he was acting in this aggressive, defensive and paranoid way; his 'fits of anger' that nothing had to do with anger, but more to do with a trauma.

"I was beaten." His guttural voice suddenly echoed in the silent room. You looked up into his eyes, but he was staring blankly his ribs that were clearly visible. "By four inmates of a gang and a correctional officer, the day after you visited me. Jim's friends." He continued telling.

Your feelings were confusing. On one hand, you were deeply grief-stricken for what happened to Brian; on the other hand, you were furious because Jim, who was still free, was the one who caused this. Again, you tried to hold back your feelings. You observed how Brian's eyes filled with tears.

"And..." He let out a wail, his face reflecting sheer pain and agony. "I was raped." Your heart stopped beating as he burst out tears. "Three times."

You were sure your face went pale and your blood pressure went down, you reminded to your heart that it had to keep beating and your brain that you had to keep breathing. But the horror and commotion you were feeling, increased as you realized that this was no lie. Brian was raped... three times. This time you had to claw your arm with your nails to inflict some kind of pain and distract yourself in order not to cry. Brian was devastated, succumbed in the most abject misery; this was what it was like to be crying your heart out, you thought; a kind of crying you haven't seen before. You covered your mouth, clenched your teeth and looked at the ceiling to stop your own crying; when you managed to get it, you, smoothly, placed your hand on the nape of his neck and, this time, he didn't react in a hostile way; you slowly placed his head on your lap and he continued weeping as you were stroking his half-wet hair.

"I was handcuffed." He spoke again, when you thought he could no longer talk. You knew he had the need to vent this all, so you let him talk. "I was cornered. They were clutching me. They beat me, I was weak. One of them sucked my privates as the other three... penetrated me. They whispered nasty things in my ear and strangled me when they were doing it. I couldn't breathe. I... I felt my life slipping away. He saved me, Carlos. He took care of me as you made him promise."

You were shedding silent tears while he was explaining all of this. You could have never imagined that something like this could have happened to him when you thought about the possibilities of why he could be acting in such a rare way. Now everything was making sense, starting from why he flinched when you whispered in his ear to why he became aggressive when you touched him when he wasn't expecting. He was traumatized, and for a damn hell good reason.

"And all of this..." He sobbed and turned his face to gasp for air. "Made me be a damn monster." He mourned with absolute pain. "Ever since I was released... I've done nothing but hurt you. Hurt you! And I almost strangle you to death... You." He wailed in frustration and sadness. "And the way... The way Jen and Darren looked at me as though they no longer know who I am. The way you looked at me... You are scared of me." He added with heaving sobs. "I lost my ability to control my own actions. I don't know what I'm doing. My instinct clouds my rationality. I lose my mind and my conscience. And you said it, my apologies won't stop me from killing you unintentionally." When he said it, you closed your eyes, regretting so much for saying that. You knew he would never forget those impetuous words. The worst to hear was what he said after that: "I am still breathing, but I'm a monster and I'm so dead inside."

That broke your heart. Although you couldn't compare the magnitude of the situations, you knew how it was like to be breathing but dead inside when you sank in depression the time Darren left you in the hotel room. During that time, Brian lived for you until he brought you back to life; he took your pain and turned that pain into strength before giving it back to you. That allowed you to reborn and that was what you were going to do for him. Consequently, you wiped your tears away and, even though a deep sorrow was piercing your chest, you gathered all your strength and became the strong girl you were when Brian brought you back to life. You cupped his cheeks with your hands and made him look at you.

"You are dead inside, but I can bring you back to life. And I will do it, because you're not a monster. You are my best friend, the one who taught me that it is possible to bring someone back to life." You said adamantly, giving him a steady and strong look to lessen the despondency of his pale green eyes.

"I can hurt you." He replied anguished.

"Then hurt me, the same way I hurt you in the past." You said looking at the scar of the bullet that pierced his stomach when you attempted to commit suicide. "I can take it because you made me strong. Now I want to make you strong. And nothing will change my mind." You looked into his eyes, even more decisively. But he was still reluctant. "I don't wanna be the kind of person who doesn't understand the promises they make. And I made two promises. I promised your dad that I'm gonna take care of you and I'm not going to let you fall apart. And I made the pinky promise with you that we are gonna fight for each other and nothing, nobody, never, is gonna bring us down and separate us. So, you'll have to deal with me for the rest of your life, regardless if it's a dead or alive life inside." You added resolutely with a kind grin.

He whimpered and closed his eyes, resting his head on your shoulder and putting his arms around you. You didn't know if you should touch him for fear of hurting him due to his bruises, but you ended up rubbing his back, very smoothly, somehow also proving him that you were not ashamed of him because of his physical and emotional wounds, and he shouldn't be ashamed of them either. After a long time, his tears stopped racing down, but he looked at you very distressed and concerned.

"Sunny..." He whispered, again with his gaze down out of shame. "There is... There's a high..." He babbled and you put your thumb on his chin to lift his head. "There's a high possibility I could have got an STDs." He confessed shyly and embarrassed as you bit you tongue not to show your feelings. You felt panicked, naturally, this didn't cross your mind when he told you he was sexually abused.

"Have you gone to a clinic to get a test?" You asked and he looked down and shook his head. "Alright, let's go now." You said trying to sound calm, standing up. "I'll accompany you, you'll get that test done, and then we can go to a restaurant to have dinner, or have dinner here, with Darren and Jen. Okay?" You asked, extending your hand to help him stand up.

"Okay. Thank you for doing this, Sunny." He whispered timidly when he stood up.

It took you less than an hour to find a clinic in San Rafael and now you were in the waiting room. Brian was nervous, scratching the nape of his neck and rubbing his knees; you were also nervous, but you decided not to show it. Instead, to calm yourself and calm him, you brought a book and started reading it to him. It helped, just a little.

"Mr. Clerk?" A rough voice sounded in the waiting room. It was a male doctor. Brian stood up abruptly and glanced at you frightened.

"It's gonna be okay. I'll be here." You assured with a polite smile. He nodded and entered the doctor's office. Not long after, you got a text message.

From Darren: I've been knocking the door of your room for 10 minutes. Where are you?

To Darren: Marin County Department of Health and Human Services clinic.

From Darren: What? What the hell are you doing there? Jen told me you were with Brian. Has he done something bad to you again?

You felt a bit annoyed when he assumed such a thing right away. Now he would suspect of Brian all the time, he would always think that Brian was going to hurt you. But right, Darren didn't know why Brian was acting that way, so you chose to calm down.

To Darren: No, he hasn't done anything bad to me. I actually came here to accompany Brian.

From Darren: Has something bad happened to him?

To Darren: Kind of.

From Darren: What has happened to him? Is he alright?

To Darren: Kind of.

Well, it seemed it was the day in which you'd be limited to answer 'kind of' to all the questions. But you weren't sure if you should tell Darren what happened to Brian.

From Darren: Freckles, tell me what happened to him.

To Darren: He is just getting an STDs test.

From Darren: What? Why now?

To Darren: Because.

From Darren: You're hiding something. Tell me right now what the devil is going on or I'll go there.

You hesitated whether you should tell him or not. Probably you shouldn't. But then he would come here and he was gonna find it out. Perhaps you should tell him, because although this was something private, Darren had the right to know what has happened to his friend and why he was acting in such a weird way. Maybe this way Darren would understand that Brian wasn't a bad guy as he was thinking. So —without wasting your time to sound delicate— you texted him back.

To Darren: Because he's afraid he could have got an STDs in prison. He was raped.

From Darren: WHAT THE FUCK? I'll be there in a couple of minutes.

To Darren: No, don't come. And please, be quiet about this. I wasn't the one supposed to tell you this.

From Darren: Freckles, what the fuck?

To Darren: Yeah, now you know why he's been acting weird.

From Darren: Fuck.

To Darren: Yeah.

That was the last text message you sent, and after that, you turned off your phone because you weren't ready to give an explanation yet and, if anything, you shouldn't be the one explaining this. As soon as you turned off your phone, you looked up and saw the doctor who was with Brian walking towards you. Without Brian.

"Excuse me, miss." He voiced and you tilted your head and frowned slightly. "The patient is... experiencing a panic attack..." He explained and you felt frightened and altered all of a sudden. "And he will not agree to perform the test if you aren't there with him. I'm really sorry for bothering you, but I'd want to ask you if you could come in and make him company." He requested. Seemingly, he was moody.

"Yes, of course. It's not a bother, doctor." You answered right away, following the doctor to his office. While you were walking, he explained some things.

"I've already interrogated him and his medical record and sexual history and practices, so I'm aware of his situation. I also performed the rapid blood HIV testing and the rapid oral HIV testing, but when I had to perform the other tests, he... started panicking and asking for you." He explained and you nodded.

He opened the door of his office and you saw Brian in the bed of the office wearing a light blue hospital gown, curled up in a ball, shivering, panting and completely pale. He was really experiencing a panic attack. You walked towards him and he was burying his head on his knees, so he didn't see you and you had to place a hand on his shoulder. He looked up in an abrupt and altered way and when he saw your face, he looked down and began to shake his head, still panting.

"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this." It was the only thing he would repeat with breathy voice. You sat next to him and stroked his hair.

"Yes, you can do this." You said softly, but encouragingly. "I am here now and I won't leave."

"Would you hold my hand?" He asked with brittle voice, his eyes reflecting the most utter desperation and entreaty.

"All the time." You ensured with a kind smile, holding one of his hands with both of yours. "Now, will you let the doctor perform the test?" You asked, looking deeply into his fearful green eyes. He stopped shivering and panting and nodded.

"Alright, I will start." The doctor announced impatiently.

He walked towards Brian and Brian winced in sorrow, but he kept his eyes fixed on yours, as though he didn't want to see what the doctor was doing. But you did see what the doctor was doing and you understood why Brian started panicking. The doctor was touching Brian's penis to find any abnormalities on the genitalia. Then he tried to stick a cotton swab up the tip of Brian's penis, right up his urethra; Brian whimpered and started shivering again, holding your hand so tightly that it was starting to hurt you, yet you let him do it. You leaned to kiss the top of his head and tell him that it was alright, that the doctor was a professional. The doctor took a sample of specimens and said they will be sent to a laboratory for testing.

"Well, the patient doesn't have genital herpes or HPV." He announced and you sighed in relief. "Chlamydia and gonorrhea will be analyzed in a laboratory with this sample, the results will be available in a week. HIV, syphilis and hepatitis will be analyzed with the blood sample. Results from rapid test done will be available in 15-20 minutes; if the rapid test is positive, it is still necessary to send blood to a laboratory for a Western blot to be sure the rapid test result is correct." The doctor explained and you nodded as Brian seemed to be away, still shivering and panting. "However, I must screen for rectal STDs to check chlamydia and gonorrhea, considering that the patient has suffered anal penetration." The doctor explained and you heard Brian wailing and saw him shaking his head, now shedding tears.

"No, please, no." He said weakly, clearly suffering.

"Hey, Bri, the doctor is a professional. The whole process is gonna be professional. And I'm here, with you. You don't have to worry." You whispered gently, stroking his hair. "Let the doctor do it. It's for your own sake." You added and Brian looked at you again and nodded.

"Alright, I need you to roll onto the left side and lean forward. The right leg must be flexed at the knee and hip and must be placed in front of the left leg." The doctor gave the instructions and Brian did what he said. You could no longer see his face or hold his hand, so he started letting out muffled whimpers until you placed your hands on his head and began to caress his hair. "Relax and take deep breaths." He requested while taking a cotton swab. "Okay, it's not gonna take so long. Relax." He said again and when Brian felt the doctor's hand on his butt, he turned around quickly and curled up in a ball.

"No, no, no." He began to mumble, sniveling.

You felt very afflicted when you saw him suffering that way, so traumatized. The doctor huffed and crossed his arms above his chest, evidently losing his temper. Couldn't he be more delicate? You shot him a withering look and then you leaned to kiss Brian's temple.

"I promise you that if you let the doctor do this, I'll buy you a cappuccino with a hazelnut croissant, your favorites." You said sweetly to try to make him think about something else. He shook his head and continued wheezing. "Do it and I'll recite you a poem while the doctor takes the sample." You suggested and Brian looked at you with teary eyes, but he got in the position again. "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it. Anywhere I go you go, my dear. And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling. I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful you are my world, my true. And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you." You recited with mellow and clear voice, making sure not to whisper in his ear, as the doctor inserted the rectal swab through Brian's anal sphincter and Brian let out a muffled moan and shivered, but relaxed by hearing your voice. "Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide, and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart." You continued reciting very sweetly as the doctor rotated one full turn and withdrew it. "I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart." You finished, kissing the top of his head as the doctor placed it in the specimen container.

"E. E. Cummings?" He asked while sniffling, wiping his tears away and finally calm. You gave him a kind smile.

"Yes." You planted a kiss on his forehead as he sat on the bed.

"Very well, we are done." The doctor announced. "Mr. Clerk, you may go to the dressing room to get dressed." He said and Brian nodded. "Miss, I was hoping to have a quick word with you." He said as Brian was walking to the door that led to the dressing room. "Would you mind following me?" He asked and you shook you head. He led the way to his desk and sat on his chair. "Please, take a seat." He said and you did so, not sure what he wanted to tell you. "As I said, you'll have to wait 15-20 minutes to get the results. Nevertheless, I'm more concerned by the patient's mental and emotional status. I'm aware he has been in prison and he has been sexually assaulted, and he's currently suffering from depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and other emotional problems. He is clearly experiencing lasting effects, such as flashbacks, numbness, shame and, mostly, hostility and aggression and tearfulness and fear. The worst is that it seems he is downplaying the impact of his experience and that may lead him to act out in sexually suggestive ways and have suicidal feelings. Besides this, I've noticed that the patient is underweight and is prone to self-harm, judging by the severity of the cuts on his thighs. It is clear that he needs professional help." The doctor spoke with absolute clarity as you were listening intently, but looking down, anguished. "For starters, I'd suggest you to give him freedom to choose a path to recovery that he's most comfortable with, even if the best option is counseling for him to regain a lost sense of control. Don't assume that physical contact, even in the form of a gentle touch or hug, will be comforting; give him all the space he needs, and try your best not to take his reaction personally." He clarified and you nodded, then he took a piece of paper and a pen and wrote something. "There's a National Sexual Assault Hotline on 1.800. , run by the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network organization. The caller's phone number is not retained, so the call is anonymous and confidential; it's not only for counseling but also for information about community resources and emergency protocols." He explained and gave you the paper with the number of the hotline. "But he should really find a local counselor or therapist who specializes in rape and sexual assault. There's also the option of finding a support group for victims of rape and sexual assault; but I don't think he will feel comfortable going there." He said and you nodded. Finally there was someone advising you what to do to help him; because you honestly didn't know how to handle this. "I could notice that you're one of the few, if not the only, people in whom the patient finds the support and reassurance he needs; and I also noticed you know what to do or say to calm him. All methods you tried to reassure him have worked in an impressive way. Therefore, it'll be a good idea to keep him constant company; sometimes just being there is enough." He said and you nodded again.

"Okay, I'm ready." Suddenly Brian said behind you, already wearing his clothes.

"Very well, Mr. Clerk. If you mind to wait in the waiting room, the results of the rapid blood HIV testing will be available in 15 minutes." The doctor said Brian nodded. "I'll call you by your name."

"Okay, thanks." He responded.

You stood up and walked towards Brian; you looked at his hand as asking him if you could grab it and when he nodded, you held his hands and he intertwined his fingers with yours before heading out the doctor's office. There was only one empty seat in the waiting room and you insisted he should sit; he sat, but then he pulled you to him to make you sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder.

"I'm scared." He confessed in a whisper, his voice wobbly.

You looked straight in his eye; yes, he was scared, more than the time he met his aunt, thinking it was his mother. The little scared child was back. You reminded yourself that you shouldn't feel weak and cry; thus, you hid your affliction under a bright smile.

"It will be okay." You said, cautiously placing a hand above his. "Think about the coffee we're gonna drink later; or perhaps an exquisite dinner accompanied by the poems I memorized and the poems you memorized." You added with a merry smile, trying to cheer him up.

He turned his gaze to you and he, for the first time, gave you an authentic smile. It was weak, and crooked, and it showed the emotional pain he was feeling; but he smiled and you realized there was still a little part of his joy that he hasn't lost.

"Thank you for all you've done, Sunny." He said heartily. Then, for the first time, he took the initiative to hold your hand. "And thank you for not feeling ashamed of me when I was... panicking."

"I told you, nothing will ever make me feel ashamed of you." You smiled and dared to fondle his cheek. He didn't feel uncomfortable, he grinned faintly again. "Bri, I want you to know that whenever you feel bad, you can count on me, okay? Talk to me, any day, any hour, okay?" You asked and he nodded. His nod was enough for now. After 20 minutes of waiting, the doctor came out from his office.

"Mr. Clerk?" He called and Brian approached him, holding your hand to make you go with him. "The result of the rapid blood HIV testing is negative. You don't have HIV, there are no risks to have AIDS." He, for the first time, smiled.

"Oh, thanks God." Brian's wobbly voice whispered. You couldn't have said it better.

Brian ran a shaky hand across his forehead before putting his arms around your back to embrace you tightly. You felt his body trembling against yours, but this time he wasn't trembling out of fear, he was trembling out of relief. And so were you. Now that was a great hidden weight off of you.

---

"No, no, no, no!"

A scream in the middle of the night constantly pronouncing 'no' woke me up, startled. It took me just a few seconds to realize it was the same ghastly scream that woke me up in the last four days. I rubbed my eyes and I got up to walk towards his bed, where Brian was screaming, violently twisting between the sheets, panting and sweating, completely asleep. I took the stress ball and I shook his shoulder to wake him. He abruptly tried to grasp my wrist and neck, so I quickly placed the stress ball on his hands and he squeezed it hard. We all decided to buy him this stress ball for relieving tension and his aggression or fear; besides, we figured out that he could clutch the stress ball instead of our necks in one of his outbursts. After he squeezed it several times, he came to his senses and looked at me horrified.

"It was a nightmare, buddy. Here, drink some water." I said, taking the bottle of water that we always left next to his bed, together with the stress ball and a book. He received the bottle of water and took a sip as I sat on the floor and opened the book on the page where I stopped reading the last time. "So that was the story of Dorian Gray's parentage. Crudely as it had been told to him, it had yet stirred him by its suggestion of a strange, almost modern romance." Brian, little by little, was calming. He was still panting, but he was no longer shivering and twisting between the sheets. "A beautiful woman risking everything for a mad passion. A few wild weeks of happiness cut short by a hideous, treacherous crime. Months of voiceless agony, and then a child born in pain. The mother snatched away by death, the boy left to solitude and the tyranny of an old and loveless man." Brian closed his eyes again and he started breathing at normal speed. It was Freckles' idea to read to him, she said it helped to reassure him in a strange and unique way and it was indeed like that. "Yes; it was an interesting background. It posed the lad, made him more perfect, as it were. Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic. Worlds had to be in travail, that the meanest flower might blow..."

"I'm sorry." Brian interrupted my reading.

"Am I reading too fast?" I asked, looking at him, who still had his eyes shut. He slowly shook his head.

"I'm sorry for being a bother." His husky voice echoed in the room and I looked at him sadly.

"You're not a bother, bro." I answered. We had this same conversation every night since we arrived to our apartment in Ann Arbor, days ago. "And how charming he had been at dinner the night before, as with startled eyes and lips parted in frightened pleasure he had sat opposite to him at the club, the red candleshades staining to a richer rose the wakening wonder of his face. Talking to him was like playing upon an exquisite violin. He answered to every touch and thrill of the bow..." I continued reading, but he interrupted me again.

"No, stop reading." He said, frowning slightly. "In the morning I'll look for an apartment to move out from here, so you'll be able to sleep well." He said the same thing he's been saying, so I answered the same thing I've been answering.

"I will lock you up in this bedroom if you dare to look for an apartment to move out. Would you really dare to leave me and Joey without your meals? We'll starve to death if you move out." I said with the usual jokingly tone. As usual, this made him grin faintly. "There was something terribly enthralling in the exercise of influence. No other activity was like it. To project one's soul into some gracious form, and let it tarry there for a moment; to hear one's own intellectual views echoed back to one with all the added music of passion and youth; to convey one's temperament into another as though it were a subtle fluid or a strange perfume..." I continued reading but I was interrupted again.

"I could move out, yet come here to cook for you. And you'll get rid of me and my stupid nightmares. You'll get rid of my vexing and creepy being, and you'll get your meals every day. Isn't it the best?" He asked and I looked at him again. This was something new he said.

"No, I don't think it'll be the best. I mean... I will never know what happens to Lord Henry Wotton, the sensitive artist Basil Hallward and his muse, the handsome young man named Dorian Gray." I responded, trying to joke.

"The novel ends, as it begins, with the painting. Dorian is finally forced to come to terms with his actions, and reaches a moment of crisis. Finally, Dorian attempts to destroy the portrait, the image of his disgustingly corrupted soul, which haunts him like a conscience. He slashes at it with the same knife he murdered his ex-friend, Basil Hallward. But the plan backfires dramatically; stabbing the portrait, Dorian inadvertently kills himself. The grotesque deformities of the picture come into being in Dorian's own body, while painted Dorian is restored to its original image of spotless beauty. In the end, Dorian gets everything that was coming to him; his choices brought about his own doom." Brian said and I dropped my jaw.

"Fuck you, man! Have you just spoiled me the end of this great story?" I asked in disbelief.

"Sorry." He said. "Now you don't have excuses to say that moving out it's not the best option." He added.

"I will start a new book. One you haven't read yet." I answered.

"Darren..." He said and he finally opened his eyes to look at me. "Seriously, you don't have to do this. Your life will be much easier without having to deal with me."

"Who said I wanna have an easier life? That seems pretty boring and lame. Sorry, bro... When you accepted moving in here, you accepted staying here for as long as Joey and I want... It is written and signed in the invisible contract that I have hidden in my invisible coffer, locked with some super difficult spells." I joked and this made him chuckle softly.

"Do you ever stop talking about magical objects and spells?" He asked a bit amused. It was outstanding to see him amused. This hasn't happened in this entire time.

"No, because I am a wizard and wizards talk about magic all the time. It is part of us." I responded and he chuckled again, closing his eyes. He chuckled two times, this was like a huge progress. "You muggle... You won't understand it."

"You're forgetting that I'm a Hufflepuff." He joked... he joked! "Get some sleep or I'll cast the Petrificus Totalus spell on you." He joked again, so I laughed out loud.

"Alright... I'll make you sleep faster... Stupefy!" I screamed and Brian pretended to be frozen, then unconscious; so I laughed again. "Goodnight, bro."

I returned to my bed and I quickly fell asleep, thinking it was great to have seen Brian joking and chuckling again. All the effort wasn't in vain. I woke up five hours later, at 6 am, with the sound of my alarm. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, then opened my eyes to see that Brian was already awake. This could mean that today he chose to get up and escape the bed. There were only two ways Brian would act during these days: He would stay all day long locked up in the bedroom, lying on his bed to stare blankly the ceiling for hours and on, skipping his courses and not talking to anyone; or he would get up and clean the whole apartment three times a day, fix all the broken objects and furniture, cook tons of meals that would last two consecutive days, do all of his homework and assignments and do all of our essays of the courses of History of Dress, History of Theatre, History of Theatre Architecture and Stage Design, and Shakespeare/Restoration; and not talk to anybody. I huffed and got up. First I went to the bathroom; it was already cleaned. I showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed and then headed to the kitchen. The first person I saw was Joey, who shot me an alarmed look, then I looked further and I saw Brian cooking sausages... In the breakfast bar were already coffee mugs, orange juice, cookies, pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs, croissants, donuts, cereals with milk and grapes and strawberries, and blueberry bars. I closed my eyes for a second and then took a deep breath before walking to the breakfast bar to join Joey who didn't know how to manage this situation.

"Good morning..." I said softly, sitting on the stool. Brian turned around and grinned.

"Good morning!" He greeted, bringing the sausages to the breakfast bar. "I'm about to make French toast." He announced.

"No!" I quickly yelled and he raised his brows. "Don't do it, Brian." I added, softening my voice. "We won't even eat all of this." I said and Joey nodded. "Why don't you just join us?" I asked.

"Uh... I'm not hungry. Are you sure you don't want anything else?" He asked and I clenched my jaw and looked down. He was not eating at all, just dinner.

"No, I want you to sit down and have this damn breakfast with us." I answered and Joey put a spoon of cereal with milk into his mouth, to get entertained with something and avoid this soon uncomfortable situation.

"I'm not hungry... If you don't want anything else, I could finish your essay of Shakespeare." He replied, attempting to walk away.

"No!" I yelled again, and he stopped and looked at me frowning. "Don't do that, man. I don't want you to do my essays. I don't want you to do any of that. I don't want you to clean the apartment, or to fix the broken stuff, or to stay all day long in bed. I'm fucking sick of that big shit. I want you to sit the fuck down and eat all of this shit with us, even if you're not hungry. You are gonna start eating, by hook or by crook." I said, my voice sounding bossy. Joey was choking with all the food he was putting into his mouth. "I want you to choke like this asshole next to me!" I said pointing at Joey who widened his eyes and looked at me, his cheeks inflated with food like a hamster. "Sit down, Brian."

"I'm not hungry." He insisted.

"I don't fucking care! Sit down and put some food down the hatch, goddammit." I commanded, very strictly. He slowly walked towards the breakfast bar and sat on the stool in front of me and Joey. I observed him steadily until he took a fork and played with the pancakes. "Food is to eat, not to play with it." I said and he clenched his jaw, avoiding my gaze, and then he cut a bite, but didn't eat it.

"Add some syrup, it will taste better, bro." Joey intervened for the first time and, without waiting an answer, he put syrup on Brian's pancakes. Brian glanced furtively at me and Joey and he, reluctantly, ate the bite of pancake.

"So, here's how your day is gonna be..." I said while Brian was chewing the bite of pancake, clearly not wanting to swallow it. "You won't return to your bed. You won't clean the apartment again. You won't cook anything at all. You won't write my essays or Joey's essays. You won't fix any object or furniture. You'll eat your breakfast, you'll have lunch with us, you'll have an afternoon snack with us and you'll have dinner with us; you will have to eat all on your plate. You won't skip another of your courses again, you'll attend all of your courses and you'll socialize with people and participate on class. Then, at night, you'll play videogames with me and Joey instead of locking up in the bathroom. Is that clear?" I asked with absolute clarity. He bit his lips and made a disgusted grimace. Joey, in the meantime, looked at me astonished. "Is that fucking clear, Brian?" I repeated the question.

"Yeah..." He whispered.

"I didn't hear you." I said curtly.

"Yes, it's clear." He answered loudly and coldly. He didn't talk for the rest of the breakfast, but he ate half of his pancake. "Excuse me, I'll take a shower before attending my course." He put his dish and mug on the sink and then locked himself in the bathroom. Joey looked at me a bit annoyed.

"Did you have to be that rough, Darren?" He questioned while shaking his head.

"Yes, Joey. He has to understand that what he's doing is nuts." I answered.

"Listen, man, if you're steamed up and moody because he doesn't let you sleep at night owing to his nightmares, let him sleep in my bedroom. There's no need to treat him that bad. And yeah, it's nuts what he's doing, but man! Come on! He acts that way to distract himself from all that has happened to him." Joey said and I shook my head.

"He doesn't have to distract himself, he has to face it. It's the only way he will be able to get over his traumas." I replied and I saw Joey rolling his eyes. "What?" I asked harshly.

"You're the less understanding person in this world. Your ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes is the same ability that a fish has to fly. Sorry for telling you the ugly truth." He answered, raising an eyebrow.

"There's a family of marine fish that are known as flying fish. Their flights are typically around 160 ft." I responded, sipping my coffee as Joey looked at me puzzled.

"You are a sucker." He said annoyed, but with a hint of amusement. "Brian is gonna sleep in my bedroom tonight."

"No, he won't." I refused roundly. "You don't know how to manage this kind of situation and you don't know how to calm him when he's screaming like a madman; you'll be paralyzed, not knowing what to do or what to say; and you're not trained to quickly give him the stress ball in order not to be strangled to death in one of his unconscious outbursts." I gave him a rational explanation. "Brian will sleep in my bedroom. End of this argument."

"Whatever. Just try not to get so steamed up and treat him as if he was crazy." Joey growled.

"Well, he is crazy." I whispered, raising an eyebrow. And Joey heard me because he was looking at me incredulous, shaking his head and frowning. "He is traumatized."

"I wonder if you'd like that your friends treat you the way you treat Brian if someday, and let's pray it never happens, you have emotional trouble because you lost the last family you had, you were forced to shoot a man and cause his death, you were imprisoned of crimes you didn't commit, and you were beaten, threatened and raped." Joey said coldly, looking fixedly into my eyes. I looked away and sipped my coffee. "What is wrong with you, Darren? If you can no longer manage Brian and his nightmares, let me do it, or let Freckles do it; but stop treating Brian in that way." He complained and stood up. "If you need me, I'll be in my bedroom having a video conference with Mandy." He announced and locked himself in his bedroom.

I sighed and ran a hand over my face. Joey was right. I was treating Brian way too badly only because I was tired and moody due to my lack of sleeping hours. I was feeling like the day I told Freckles that I could no longer be friends with Brian because he changed too much and he was no longer a good guy, and then Freckles told me that the reason of why Brian was acting that way was because he was raped and I felt awfully regretted for all the bad things I said about Brian and terribly bad for not being a good and considerate friend. But truth was that Brian was wearing me out. I didn't know how to help him feel better and how to convince him that he had to eat, talk to people and attend his courses to pass them. It was depressing to be with a friend who was truly depressed. I was even getting weepy myself. The black cloud of depression was spreading over me too, making me feel like I wanted to escape and be with anyone else but him. He was sinking and I was drowning with him. After a while even the most caring people can't handle depression, the negativity and hopelessness. He was causing me so much emotional stress, I almost wanted to cut ties with him to save myself. And yes, I was a horrible person for wanting to cut ties with him just so I wouldn't have to deal with all of this, but I had problems on my own, and I couldn't deal with it anymore. Yeah, I knew I shouldn't be this selfish; but what could I do? I simply didn't know how to deal with people with this level of emotional and mental trauma, regardless if that person was my friend. Brian entered the room and took his backpack that was on the couch to hang it on his shoulder.

"Well, I gotta go. Have a good day." He said and headed to the front door.

"Wait! I'll go with you; I have to attend a course right now." I said, quickly standing up to grab my backpack. "Let's go, buddy."

We walked together three blocks until we had to go separate ways: He had to go to the Central Campus and I had to go to the North Campus. But before going separate ways, I stopped him.

"Brian..." I said and he looked at me before he could go across the street. "I want to apologize for the way I treated you this morning." I said awkwardly.

"It's okay. Forget it." He said and attempted to move, but I stopped him again.

"No, it's not okay." I said firmly. "I woke up moody and I blew a fuse and flipped out and I picked on you because I messed up my moodiness with my concern for you." I explained in the best way I could.

"I'm sorry I'm making you feel worried about me. Maybe if you stop worrying about me, you won't wake up moody." He replied and I frowned. "You shouldn't be dealing with me. Seriously, I can be by myself and you won't have to wake up in the middle of the night, or deal with my insane outbursts, or just stand my constant presence in the bedroom. I really meant it when I said I can look for an apartment to move out; and I really think it'll be the best for you and for Joey. I understand I am no longer a cool guy to live with and that's okay." He said, his voice sounding straightforward and quiet.

I felt even worse and more selfish when I heard him saying that. I was honestly thinking it'd be the best if he moved out, but it wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't be right. I was looking down, not knowing what to say, until I looked up and saw he was grinning faintly, a bit sadly.

"I'll look for an apartment as soon as my classes finish today." He said after examining my face. "I hope you have a good day, buddy." 'Buddy'. I didn't deserve to be called like that. Nonetheless, I didn't say anything to stop him from looking an apartment to live alone.

"Yeah, you too." I answered. He nodded and finally went across the street as I continued walking ahead.

After I fell asleep in the Advanced Scene Study class with the boring explanation of the European classics of the 18th and 19th centuries; after I scribbled my notebook and my arms in the Fundraising and the Arts class while hearing the analysis of philanthropy and development in America's cultural life; and after I enjoyed my Physical Theatre class performing the Jacques Lecoq's techniques that included commedia, chorus, dance, mime, neutralist and clown; I was starving and it was finally lunch time. I said I was gonna have lunch with Joey and Brian, but I honestly didn't want to see Brian. I was in a pretty good mood thanks to the Physical Theatre class and I didn't want to come back to the depressing ambience; therefore, I texted Joey that I wouldn't be able to make it and I headed to the Blue Apple. The restaurant was crowded as usual, so I had to queue to get a Minute Maid Apple juice and Meat Lover's pizza, which included pepperoni, bacon, ground beef, Italian sausage, ham, mozzarella, provolone, and shredded parmesan. I looked for an empty table and sat alone to pig out with my fucking delicious pizza.

"Darren Everett Criss, what an adorkable way to eat a pizza!"

With my mouth stuffed with a big bite of pizza, I looked up to find Freckles looking at me with a broad smile, seeing how I was devouring my pizza as though I was a wild caveman who cannot eat in a sophisticated way because it's been months since the last time he ate something. I swallowed the big bite of pizza without chewing it a bit more, so, in order not to choke, I took a big sip of my apple juice, still looking at her.

"And this is how cavemen eat their food." I joked and she chortled.

She sat at my table with her tray with a poor and deplorable chicken vegetable soup, without even asking. I could have been waiting for someone, but well, I wasn't and I wouldn't complain because she was sitting at my table.

"Why do you always eat shit?" I asked looking at that soup.

"It is called soup... And I'm pretty sure this is chicken and not shit, and this liquid is broth not pee." She joked while taking a spoonful of her soup.

"Freckles, that's gross! And I'm eating!" I complained and she shrugged.

"So, how have you been?" She asked and I raised an eyebrow and my good mood went to hell. "Not pretty well, I can tell." She added. Dang, she saw me making that grimace.

"Well, same old story." I responded with a sigh, sipping my juice.

"Brian still having midnight nightmares and locking up in the bedroom or doing non-stop and useless activities?" She asked unconcerned, sipping her water. Of course, she didn't have to deal with that shit.

"Yes." I responded with my teeth clenched.

"And no news about Jim?" She asked, taking another spoonful of soup.

"No news." I responded moody.

"You look pretty tired." She said and I huffed.

"Naturally." I rolled my eyes.

"You know? Brian could move to my dorm room if he's causing you too much trouble, I already told you. Meredith wouldn't mind to spend some time in her boyfriend's dorm room." Freckles said and I shook my head.

"Whatever, I'm actually sick of talking about Brian." I blurted and Freckles looked up and raised her brows in surprise.

In that moment, I really didn't care what Freckles could think about me for what I said. Nobody actually could judge me. No one else was living the hell I was going through for being living with Brian. I was irked. Now all of my conversations with Freckles revolved around Brian and Jim; it seemed we couldn't talk about anything else and I was getting tired of it, like real tired. And mad. I wished that she could, at least once, talk about other than Brian.

"Okay, fine. Just one last thing... Tell Brian to pack his stuff to move to my dorm room tonight. I know how to deal with someone who is depressed." She said and I bit my lip and raised an eyebrow, almost scornfully. "What?" She asked, clearly catching me while I was making that grimace.

"I think there are no depressed people, just selfish people." I stated with my staring forward. Maybe I wasn't subtle, but what the hell, it was said. I noticed Freckles raised her eyebrows. I thought she would be upset.

"Well, that's... an uncommon theory. Would you mind to elaborate so that I can understand your point of view?" She asked and I looked at her amazed, because she didn't sound upset. She was actually interested in knowing.

"I'll start saying that depression is not real. It is something that exists in people's minds. Psychiatrists, in stereotypical attempts to make what they do look relevant, identify endless causes for depression, and for each cause there is an unnecessarily complex solution. That's pure bullshit. My contention is that there is but one true cause, and it has to do with your center." I said surefire. I've been thinking about this for a while now. She was looking at me intently, with no attempts to interrupt me. I could notice she didn't agree, but she wanted to know what I was thinking and not judge me for it. "Think about this... All that Brian has been saying these days is... I AM sorry for being a bother, get rid of ME and MY stupid nightmares, get rid of MY vexing and creepy being, MY insane outbursts, I AM no longer a cool guy, people don't like ME, I hate my life, I just feel bad. Those are typical comments that we hear from the depressed. Nowhere in there is there a mention of other people. It's all about you." I exclaimed a bit irked, raising my eyebrows. Freckles did not utter a single word. "Brian gets in this state of sadness over very real psychological issues and he thinks about them endlessly, feeding them and making them worse than they ever needed to be. This creates emotions and reactions in the body that doctors diagnose as 'depression'. Doctors see depression as an imbalance in the brain that causes negative thoughts; but, as I see it, these imbalances are caused by negative thoughts, not the other way around. Doctors will prescribe him medication to correct the imbalances, thinking it will therefore correct his thoughts. What Brian actually needs is to correct his thoughts, and he will in turn correct his imbalances." I continued explaining, very deep in thought and feeling something like adrenalin for finally being able to take it all out. Freckles —in the meantime— was frowning, staring her lap. "And think about this... Why in poor countries the rates of depression are less than in western countries? We have everything, they have nothing. Or to sample something more personal... Why was Brian feeling better when he didn't even have a dime because he had to pay for his dad's meds among other things? He didn't have anything, now he has something. It comes down to one thing: He didn't have the time to sit there thinking about himself. He used to spend his time trying to help his dad. This gave his daily life meaning, and it removed that infamous word 'I' from his thoughts." I said as if I was stating the big truth that no one wanted to admit. But really, I've been thinking about this since a while now, so this was the only logical explanation I could find. "And thus, I conclude that Brian's depression is all in his head. It isn't real. He was never actually depressed. He is just being selfish. And if he refuses to admit that he is simply being selfish, then he still is." I concluded, shrugging and crossing my arms. I stayed a couple of minutes avoiding Freckles' gaze, until I glanced at her. She was looking deeply into my eyes, expressionless. I totally knew she didn't agree with me.

"Oh..." She sighed loudly as if she'd been holding back her breathing during my whole explanation. "Well, that is certainly an approach about depression that I've never heard before. It is quite a peculiar position. I can't say I agree with it, because, as I said, this is the first time I hear this approach, therefore, I'm not familiar with it. But I'm not gonna deny that you conveyed good and rational premises and arguments; some of them accurate, some others manifesting that you've never been depressed for real." She said gently. I didn't feel annoyed because of what she told me; she was right, I was never depressed for real and, if anything, she said that some of my ideas were accurate, so she was trying to understand me. "I agree that possibly the negative thoughts are what cause the imbalances in someone, not the other way around. And I agree that, perhaps, the way Brian can revert his imbalances is if he changes his negative thoughts and he finds something that can give his daily life meaning, so that he stops focusing on those negative thoughts. I also agree that he is feeding his problems and making them worse." Freckles said and I looked at her astonished. I wasn't expecting her to agree to many of the things I imparted. "I also understand that the reason why you said that Brian is selfish rather than depressed is because you are feeling tired, frustrated, and angry because you can't deal with someone who is going through a really difficult moment, which doesn't mean you don't care or that you're a bad friend. It happens, even the loveliest person, sometimes, cannot cope with someone depressed. I understand that you think that Brian, by focusing on his depression, is making life harder on those who are his friends, including you. You have to deal with his self-inflicted pain the same way he does, he is making you feel his emotional trauma and you think it's not fair on you. I understand." She said and I looked away, clenching my teeth.

How was it possible that she could notice that? Nevertheless, I was glad she could understand why I was so annoyed with Brian, and I was glad she wasn't thinking I was a terrible person for thinking that, or for wanting to get away from Brian because I simply couldn't be near someone who was way too drowned. Actually, she was awesome. Not everybody would understand me and think I was still a good person.

"However, being that you've never been depressed, and I'm assuming it is like that due to some of the things you stated..." She said slowly, looking at me as a way to ask me if it was like that or not, so I nodded. "I must say, and I hope you don't take it in a bad way, that you overdid things and talked about Brian and his depression or negative thoughts, call it the way you want, as though he was in control of what pops into his mind or not, as though he wants to think about those negative things. As a person who has been depressed and who has succumbed to negative thoughts, I can say that, often, you don't get to choose what pops into your mind. You get flashbacks that you cannot control. The main cause of this depression are the flashbacks of the awful past events that pop into your mind when you less expect, and those flashbacks are the ones that make you succumb to negative thoughts, the negative thoughts that we feed. So, most of the time, you don't want them, but you cannot control them." She said gently, giving me a half-smile. I shifted my gaze and pursed my lips. Yeah, maybe she had a point and perhaps she knew what she was talking about because she has been depressed and I haven't, but this changed my whole theory. "I can tell you that Brian isn't selfish, and no one who is truly depressed is selfish. Yes, depressed people tend to think about themselves and what happens to them, but because they need to release the pain they are feeling and because they need to think about that in order to try to find a way to solve their problems. And I can assure you that the pain he admits feeling when he says it out loud is not even a quarter of the pain he is feeling inside; but he doesn't tell you so because he thinks about you and he doesn't want you to worry about him, or cause you feel his pain unfairly because you shouldn't be dealing with his own pain. Depressed people think about other people, that is why most of the time depressed people are too uncommunicative, unapproachable and reserved." She stated and I let out a long sigh. She found the weak spot of my theory that nothing said about why 'depressed' people were that way. She noticed my discouragement, so she patted my back. "Hey, I think that if we joined your theory with mine, we would have a badass theory about depression that nobody would ever be able to refute." She said with a cheerful smile, trying to joke to cheer me up, so I grinned faintly.

"Yeah, maybe." I shrugged and took a bite of my pizza.

I didn't want to keep talking about this, seriously. We remained in silence for a long time, eating my pizza and she taking her soup. Clearly, we lost the ability to talk about something else. Brian's 'depression' not only destroyed himself, but also destroyed everything around him. But I was not supposed to say it out loud because in the eyes of this compassionate society saying such a thing about a poor depressed person was wrong, insensitive, and self-centered; even if most of that compassionate society was thinking the same, deep down. Screw this compassionate and hypocritical society.

"Well, I should blow out of here now." I said once I finished eating my pizza in what was one of the most awkward and uncomfortable lunches.

"Oh, okay..." She said with a bummed facial expression. I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder. "Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could see each other more often."

"What for?" I asked and my voice sounded harsher than it was meant to be. But well, I got a little bent. "I mean, come on... What are we gonna talk about, eh? If Brian or Jim aren't part of the conversation, we cannot talk about anything. This lunch was so sad and I don't want to have another sad meeting. I have enough sadness obfuscating my apartment. I'm sick of being surrounded by sadness and I'm afraid that being with you is so sad now that Brian's sadness has spread to all of us." I ran off at the mouth and realized it when I saw Freckles' stunned face, evidently making a big effort not to make it look sad.

"Well, I was actually about to ask you if you'd want to see me acting for Greg's short film because he told me I could invite a friend. But well, I'll ask Joey or Meredith. Maybe Noah." She answered after a long silence. "You're free to walk away from my awfully sad presence, Darren. May your day be filled with happiness." She said with a sarcastic grin before taking her eyes off of me to keep taking her soup.

In that precise moment I understood that maybe Brian wasn't the one who was destroying everything with his depression; maybe it was me the one who was destroying everything for taking Brian's depression in the most negative way and later take it out on my friends. But I was feeling too proud to admit my mistakes. Letting my pride win me, I looked contemptuously at Freckles.

"Sure, any other place will be happier than here with you or Brian. Excuse me, I will find that happiness right now." I said and turned around, not before seeing Freckles shaking her head with her stare down.

I left the Blue Apple and when the cold breeze hit my face, I became aware of how immature of me that was. Not only immature, but also cruel. I entered the Blue Apple again and I saw Freckles still there, but she wasn't at the same table we were. She was four tables away, with a guy that I recognized as Greg. She was surely with him before joining me. Even though she was with that dude, I walked towards her and, before they could realize I was there and without asking, I sat next to Freckles, in front of Greg.

"Hey." I said with a grin, looking at Greg. Both Greg and Freckles looked at me and then exchanged suspicious looks.

"Hi." He answered politely with a nod. "Well..."

"Excuse me, what are you doing here, Darren?" Freckles asked with an extremely sweet voice that was denoting her irritation. "Weren't you looking for that extreme happiness that would free you from such sadness that only you are going through?" She asked with a very sarcastic voice and a saucy smile.

"Well, yeah, that's why I'm here." I shrugged, smiling back at her, also the kind of saucy smile. She let out an acerbic chuckle and rolled her eyes.

"Well... I think I'll leave you alone, guys..." Greg announced, pursing his lips.

"No, wait!" I said and he looked at me a bit cautiously. "Freckles told me..." I said and he chuckled softly, so I frowned.

"Sorry, I just forgot you call her Freckles. Again, it's a nice nickname." Greg said with a grin while looking at Freckles and I nodded as Freckles was looking away.

"Yeah, it's a nice nickname, isn't it?" I asked while putting an arm over her shoulder to show that dude where he was standing. Freckles turned her face and looked at me frowning. "Anyway, Freckles told me I could see her acting for your short film." I said looking at him, he returned his gaze to me.

"Yes, that's right. I told her she could invite a friend. But well, she just told me that you... well..." He babbled uncomfortable, glancing at Freckles.

"I'd like to go." I said quickly. Then I looked at Freckles with a smile. "Would you like if I go, baby?" I asked and Freckles dropped her mouth and looked at me in disbelief, narrowing her eyes. I saw Greg raising his eyebrows and looking down.

"Don't call me baby again." She said a bit coldly.

"But why would you...?" I started asking but she interrupted me.

"Just don't. Don't call me like that again." She responded a bit spleenful.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone now." Greg said, clearly uncomfortable.

"Why do you always want to make feel uncomfortable all the guys who are ever with me? It's infuriating." Freckles said clenching her teeth, shooting me a withering look.

"No, I, uh, I'm not uncomfortable." Greg said, and no one would believe that. "I just think you should get some time alone. Just that. And, uh, I'm busy anyway." He said and then walked towards Freckles. "I'll call you later to talk about the script, there's something I changed at the last minute. So, uh, maybe we should meet an hour earlier of the hour we've settled. Is that okay?" He asked and I raised an eyebrow... There was no better excuse to make her go earlier to get in her pants.

"It's totally fine. I'm sorry, Greg..." She said glancing at me.

"It's okay." He winked. The damn dude winked at her. "See you soon, beautiful." He kissed her cheek and then left. Beautiful? So lame.

"Again, what are you doing with a sad girl like me with whom you can only have a sad time because of our sad conversations in our sad meetings?" She asked, moving my arm away.

"I am sad because of the sad way I behaved earlier. Sadly, I can't take my words back. But I'll be super sad if you don't accept the apologies from this sad guy who makes sad mistakes." I responded and I saw how she tried to hide the amused grin that crossed her lips.

"Apologies sadly accepted." She said and I smiled at her, in a kind way, putting aside all this joking but serious kind of game.

"I'm sorry for saying all that, I barely remember half of the things I said because all I said, I said it because I was upset and grouchy, and also frustrated. I don't intend to blame on Brian for everything, I know I've made my own mistakes. I'm grouchy because I can't sleep at night. I'm upset because I'm grouchy and because I'm frustrated and I don't wanna talk about Brian because truth is that I don't want to admit the fact that I am not capable of making feel better someone who is depressed and has negative thoughts because of the flashbacks of the awful past events." I confessed and Freckles smiled proud of me.

"Now we are being honest." She said and I nodded. "You shouldn't feel frustrated because you can't make feel better someone who is depressed, because truth is that just a few people can get it. You shouldn't be upset out of your frustration, because you're not to blame. And you will stop feeling grouchy owing to your lack of hours of sleep now that Brian will live in my dorm room until he gets better." She beamed joyfully and encouragingly. "Now, we'll stop talking about Brian." She said and I nodded. "Tell me, what was that?"

"What was what?" I asked confused.

"That whole scene of calling me baby and putting your arms around me when Greg was here?" She asked and I noticed her amused smirk. "Were you marking territory?"

"Of course I was." I answered bluntly, trying to make it sound like a joke. But this was not a joke, that dude wouldn't get Freckles.

"Yeah, sure, especially because Greg is bisexual, more likely to like guys over girls." Freckles pointed out, raising an eyebrow, her amused smirk still there.

"Yeah, well, there's a chance he can like you. You're a girl with a boy's haircut. That is like winning the grand prize." I teased and she dropped her mouth, pretending to be offended.

"Well..." She looked at me mischievously, evidently trying to continue the joke. "But unfortunately for him, I don't have a dick."

"Good point. Be he does like pussies, too. And if anything, he can always choose your butt, which is clearly very tempting." I teased and flirted as she laughed and shook her head.

"So, are you admitting you're jealous?" She asked with an impish expression.

"Me? Jealous? Please, Greg is bisexual and he prefers guys." I shrugged indifferently, though this wasn't indifferent to me. She burst out laughing while shaking her head. "What about going for a walk?" I asked out of the blue.

"It seems a good idea." She answered.

We stood up and I saw her putting on a scarf and the weirdest hat I've ever seen. It had the shape of a shark, so when she put it on, it seemed that a shark was eating her head. I looked at her hat and bit my tongue not to laugh as she was grabbing her backpack. I noticed other people looked at Freckles and laughed. When Freckles looked at me, I beamed amused.

"Freckles, sweet, lovely Freckles..." I started saying amused and she tilted her head. "Couldn't you be a little bit more normal?" I asked and she chortled.

"Normal? What is normal? In my opinion, normal it's just ordinary, mediocre. Life belongs to those rare and exceptional human beings who dare to be different." She responded, adjusting her hat. I looked deeply into her eyes. This was why I loved her so much.

"Well, I must say that the irregularity, that is, the unexpected, the surprise or the stupor are essential and characteristic elements of beauty." I winked at her.

"Are you trying to say that I'm beautiful, Criss?" She asked amused and I chuckled and flicked my eyebrows.

"Not only beautiful, but also crazy." I responded, looking at her in a seductive way, stepping closer to her. "And you see, the only people that interest me are crazy, the people who are mad to live, mad to talk, wanting everything at the same time, people who never speak of platitudes, but burn, burn like totally awesome yellow rockets." I whispered with husky voice and I saw her eyes sparkling.

"Cool, because I'm a person who thinks that sometimes the best thing to do is just embrace the crazy. Life's too short otherwise." She winked and gave me a sexy, crooked smile. Was she flirting with me? I felt my brain exploding. Damn, I wanted to kiss her.

"Fantastic. Because you must know that I became a madman with long intervals of horrible sanity." I winked, also giving her a sexy smile. "Everything comes down to one thing..." I whispered in her ear, placing a hand on her waist, making a dramatic pause to make her think I was gonna flirt with her. "This hat now belongs to me." I said taking off her hat to put it on my head.

I made a terrified face as though I was dying because the shark was eating my head, and I left the restaurant while screaming and making this face, without giving a damn shit of what others would think of me because I was making Freckles laugh. She ran behind me while chortling until we both were outside. I held her hand and kissed the top of her head. We walked until we arrived to Gallup Park, which surrounded Geddes Pond, part of the Huron River. The loop around the lake was both picturesque and entertaining, with absolutely gorgeous views. I chose to come to this park because it wasn't so far from the North Campus and because I knew that Freckles enjoyed way too much watching wildlife and broad-leaved trees, together with the sound of water. We sat on a wooden bench near the lake shore and, for several minutes in silence, we observed people walking their dogs, running or biking on the asphalt or wood-chip paths along and over the beautiful Huron River. I put an arm over her shoulder and I pulled her closer to me, so that the sides of our legs and knees touched. We looked ahead and saw canoes and kayaks sailing on the lake and, a little further away, we saw the footpaths with arched bridges over the river. It was one of the most beautiful parks in Ann Arbor and I thought that maybe Marin Headlands was our place in San Francisco, Gallup Park could be our place in Ann Arbor, Miners Castle could be our place in Munising, and Central Park could be our place in NYC, just because both of us liked it, not because something remarkable happened there. The thought of having special places that Freckles and I could share and make them our own, made me feel happy. I thought that I'd love to travel with her to have a special place in every state of the country.

"Freckles..." I whispered, with a soft smile on my face. I noticed she glanced at me, so I turned my face to look into her pretty eyes. "Would you like to travel with me to every state of America?" I asked and she giggled.

"That is certainly a random question." She responded, her eyes shining owing to her laughter. "But yes, I think that would be really nice and an unforgettable experience. Though, we would need to save a lot of money to do it."

"Money doesn't matter. We can do it gradually. After all, we have an entire life to do it." I answered, grinning sweetly at her. The only that mattered was that she wanted to do it. I found her looking deeply into my eyes and I could tell she liked that answer. "We will have a special place, somewhere only we know, in every state of the country. And those places won't be just a beautiful landscape, they will be a representation of what we are; those places will be us and we will be those places." I added and her eyes twinkled when a fond smile spread across her face.

"It's really beautiful what you just said." She whispered, apparently she was amazed.

"You are really beautiful." I whispered and kissed her temple. When she rested her head on my shoulder, I started stroking her hair. "I wanna tell you a little secret..." I leaned my head to whisper in her ear. "A shark is eating my head." She laughed out loud on my shoulder. I grinned and whispered again. "So I must tell you one important thing before dying." I made a dramatic pause and I almost touched her ear with my mouth. "I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned." I rested my head on top of hers and expected no answer from her. I wanted to say it not to get her answer, but to let her know the truth.

"Darren?" She asked, interrupting the silence that engulfed us for a while. "I don't want the overflowing love between us, I don't want to waste anything and I want to seize everything. With you, I want to learn to love as slowly and unhurried."

"I can do it. I can learn to love you slowly and with no rush." I answered softly, caressing her hair.

"What happened with the whole thing that it's really sad to spend time with me?" I didn't feel offended because she brought it back; instead, I smiled.

"That's something I said to hide the real deal. And the real deal is that I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you." I responded and I could see a smile on her face before she kissed my jawline.

"Kicking back with me, eh? What kind of things you want to do when you're kicking back with me?" She asked curiously, her stare fixed on the Geddes Pond.

"That's a dangerous question, baby." I answered, aware that she didn't want me to call her baby. But she didn't complain about it.

"I want to know anyway." She shrugged. I held her with both of my arms and kissed the top of her head.

"I want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand." I said while searching her hands, then intertwined my fingers with hers. "I want to cuddle late at night. I want to watch stupid movies with you. I want to have a pillow fight." I chuckled and so did she. "I want to send you random and stupid texts. I want to play with your hair." I whispered as I twiddled a strand of her hair around my finger. "I want to laugh with you until I can no longer breathe. I want to drive anywhere and just have discussions about nothing. I want to dance with you." I said while making her shake her shoulders as she chortled. "I want to make you smile at random times during the day because I'm on your mind." I whispered and leaned to look into her eyes. I fondled her cheek with my thumb. "I just want you, because you give me the kind of feeling people write novels and songs about." I shrugged and a bright smile appeared on her face.

"Someday, someone is gonna write a novel about us." She commented and I nodded. "And we will have our own song that is gonna tell our story." I kissed the tip of her nose in order not to kiss her on the mouth as I was dying to do.

"How about we make a deal?" I asked and she looked at me curiously. "I'll write a song telling our story and you'll write a novel about us. How does it sound?"

"Perfect." She answered. "But wait... We already started writing a song about our story, remember? Once upon a time?" She asked and I remembered that piece of paper that I had in my box with things of her, so I nodded. "Well, we're gonna finish that song together. But you can write another song, perhaps telling your point of view of our relationship, and in the novel I'll write mine. What do you think?" She questioned and I smiled.

"I think it's a great deal." I replied and this brought her a broad smile.

"The title of the novel will be 'Words'. It'll contain all the words we shared, verbal and not verbal." She commented and her enthusiasm made me chuckle.

"Then the name of the song will be 'Words' as well." I said and she nodded in agreement.

"I'll start the novel with a fragment of Cape Cod Elegy by Cole that I know by heart. It goes... Now it is only words: that which once chastened us - the bloodstream's genetic war upon itself - words." She recited and I grinned because I really enjoyed the sound of her mellow voice. "Or perhaps one fragment of the Sonnet 76 by Shakespeare. It goes... O, know, sweet love, I always write of you, and you and love are still my argument; so all my best is dressing old words new, spending again what is already spent. For as the sun is daily new and old, so is my love still telling what is told." She recited with absolute clarity and I looked at her deeply into her eyes.

"I really like most the Shakespeare one." I said and she nodded. "But it's your decision: Shakespeare or Cole. And I'll try to write you a poem Shakespeare or Cole would have called their own." I winked and she giggled. "You know? I just realized a new fact about you." I suddenly said while seeing how the sunlight was filtering through the leaves of the trees, hitting high points of the water and glittering across the surface.

"Really? What fact?" She asked curious. I looked into her eyes and saw the sunlight glittering in her eyes, which was more wonderful than seeing the water.

"You are a complicated girl with simple needs. You need your books and time to read, and you need a few friends and you need someone, not to take care of you, but to care for you. If you have all those things, you'll always be alright. You see, nothing is more complicated than simplicity." I stated and she frowned but grinned.

"Then I guess I'm alright. I have my books and time to read, I have a few friends, and I have someone I need to care for me, that's you." She replied and I beamed when I heard coming from her mouth the words I was longing to hear: I was that someone she needed.

"This weekend." I said and she frowned in confusion.

"This weekend?" She asked.

"This weekend will be our first trip together and alone. It'll be on me. Destination: Porcupine Mountains Wilderness State Park in the northwestern Upper Peninsula of Michigan, one of the most breathtaking places of the country. So, get ready to see rivers, waterfalls, swamps, and lakes lying between the rocky outcroppings. And at night... get ready to see the most extraordinary and weirdest natural phenomenon: The northern lights." I said joyfully and Freckles was looking at me with a very stunned and excited face. "It's a long drive, about 11 hours. But... It's worth it."

"11 hours? That's a very long drive indeed. And I can't drive. Like... We won't have much time to enjoy there because we'll spend the whole weekend driving." She puckered her brows.

"Well, we can leave on Friday afternoon and we can skip our classes on Monday. Just for this once." I said trying to be persuasive.

"Okay, you convinced me. Yay!" She clapped and her teeth shone bright as she let out a smile. In view of my sudden happiness, I hugged her very tightly. "We will have another special place to add to our list."

"You got that right, baby." I kissed the dimple on her cheek in a very noisy way.

After a few hours, I returned to my apartment and Freckles came with me, so that Brian could move to her dorm room; she already talked to Meredith and she agreed to spend two weeks at her boyfriend's dorm room. I told her we could have dinner together with Brian and Joey and then she and Brian could go; to my delight, she accepted immediately. When we entered the apartment, we saw Joey lying on the couch, watching TV, eating some breakfast leftovers.

"Are you comfortable, Joey?" Freckles tittered.

Joey turned his face to us and then turned his gaze to the TV again, without saying anything at all. Weird, he was never mad at Freckles and he always joked with her. I noticed he was pretty angry for something. That was also weird.

"What are you watching?" She asked, walking to the couch. Joey just shrugged, his face still serious. "May I sit here?" She asked gently and Joey, again, shrugged indifferently. "Oh, Jeopardy! I like that TV show." She said and Joey changed the channel. I cautiously approached the couch. "I didn't see this movie." She commented and Joey changed the channel again. I was expecting him to burst into a fit of rage. "Am I bothering you, Joey?" She asked, looking at him and scowling.

"The problem is not with you." He finally spoke, his voice sounding dangerously wheezy.

"Okay... Is there something I can do for you to feel better?" She asked politely and he shook his head. "Hey, listen, we were thinking we can have dinner together. Maybe we could order pepperoni pizza. What do you think?" She asked and Joey raised an eyebrow in disgust and shrugged nonchalantly.

"Yeah... Where's Brian?" I asked and Joey turned his face abruptly to shoot me a withering look.

"You know where the fuck he is, asshole!" He blurted in a yell. Freckles raised her eyebrows and dropped her mouth in perplexity and so did I.

"No, I don't. That's why I'm asking." I responded carefully, trying to sound quiet.

"He moved out because of your fucking fault!" He yelled furiously, suddenly sitting upright, pointing me menacingly with his forefinger.

"What do you mean he moved out?" I asked, this time my voice trembling a little. He said he was gonna look for an apartment today, not move out.

"He moved out! He left! He decided to stop being a bother as you said! He disappeared from your life as you wanted! Oh, come on! Why the long face? Isn't this what you wanted, Darren? He to be fucking gone?" Joey continued yelling as I was looking away and Freckles was looking at Joey in puzzlement.

"Joey..." Freckles suddenly spoke, her voice sounding gentle. She placed her hands on his shoulders. "Joey, look at me." She requested softly and Joey turned his rabid eyes that were looking at me to look at Freckles. Then he calmed a little. "It's not Darren's fault that Brian moved out, I'm sure."

"You don't know anything, Freckles!" He gabbled. Freckles didn't take this personally and remained looking steadily and tranquilly into his eyes; so Joey sighed and calmed again. "Yes, it's Darren's fault that he moved out, and he knows it pretty well. Obviously, he didn't tell you this morning's rough conversation he had with Brian. He treated Brian as though he was a damn bothersome and he reproached him in a fucking harsh way for being depressed and doing certain things to deal with his depression. Darren is a fucking self-centered, ruthless and uncaring piece of shit!" He snorted, letting out a rabid roar. I looked down and clenched my jaw, not because I was upset for what he said, but because I knew he was telling the truth and I was feeling kind of guilty.

"Joey, don't talk like that." Freckles requested mildly. "Has Brian said that he moved out because of Darren?"

"We're talking about Brian! Of course he wouldn't blame on anyone but himself! But Darren knows pretty well that Brian left because he made him feel unwelcome." He snapped, clenching his teeth.

"Well, maybe you misinterpreted it and Brian didn't actually move out because of Darren..." Freckles said quietly and I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Freckles..." I finally spoke, opening my eyes. "Joey is right." I confessed, ashamed. But she had to know and I had to face my mistakes. "This morning I treated Brian like shit to the point I didn't have to say it explicitly for him to realize that I wanted him to move out. He even told me he was gonna look for an apartment to move out and I didn't even attempt to stop him; I just wished him a good day." I saw Joey looking at me skeptically and Freckles looking at me distressingly. Fuck, the amount of times I let people down in the last month was a new record.

"Well, in any case, it wasn't Darren's fault. It was just Brian's decision." Freckles said in a whisper, her voice not sounding so convincing.

I looked away and felt worse because she was still trying to defend the indefensible, just to find a way to revert the fraught situation and to make me feel not guilty and make Joey feel less angry. But Joey felt even more angry, and disappointed. He looked abruptly at Freckles, piercing her eyes with his disgruntled and incredulous gaze.

"You too, Freckles?" He asked with a frown, highly let down. She looked at him confused. "I can't believe that you, out of all people, could have said that after knowing how things actually are." He added and she was still clueless. "But right, you're in love with Darren, so of course you would defend him." Freckles looked away and scratched the nape of her neck. "But I can't believe you're doing it. You know how it's like to be depressed and suffering emotional pain, yet you cannot support your best friend. Your damn best friend who always supported you! Darren hurt him, he admitted he hurt him, yet there you are, saying that this all is Brian's fault and decision! As if he had any other option!" Freckles was now looking down, her eyes blending discontentment and affliction. I was looking at Joey puzzled, shaking my head slowly. I couldn't believe he was saying that. "Honestly? I never thought you'd be like Darren. I never thought you'd be that unconcerned and uncaring friend who doesn't give a damn shit about her best friend's feelings who's going through real shit. You're very important to Brian and I thought he was important to you, too; but clearly he isn't. Before this, it never crossed my mind that you don't care about Brian. Now that changed." He totally ran off at the mouth and burst out with a bunch of crap.

I knew he was out of himself and didn't mean it. But it was hurtful, even for me, to hear that. I saw Freckles biting her lips, her gaze down with her eyes glistening with tears. She stayed silent for a while, creating a fraught and uncomfortable ambience until she looked up, straight into Joey's eyes, her gaze reflecting nothing but fierceness. They stared each other steadily. This was the first time Freckles and Joey argued.

"I care about Brian." Freckles spoke, her husky voice echoing in the silent room. "I didn't come here to eat a stupid pepperoni pizza. I came here to take Brian to my dorm room to live with me so that I could take care of him." She blurted, her voice sounding firm and her gaze still steady. "Because I know how it's like to be depressed and suffering emotional pain and I know it's not a stupidity, so I want to support him. Because I care about him. Because he is important to me. You were wrong; I do give a shit about my best friend's feelings." She stated with absolute clarity, her blazing eyes staring fixedly at Joey. "Now I will pretend I didn't hear your bunch of crap. Do you have any complaints?" She asked severely and Joey looked down.

I looked at the two of them, not knowing what to do. I've never seen them facing each other and it wasn't something nice to see. Freckles stood up and grabbed her backpack; I could notice she was hurt by Joey's words, but she was hiding her sadness behind this mask of boldness and composure. With her serious face and quietly and civilly, she went to the front door.

"Freckles, wait." Joey stopped her, this time with serene voice. "I'm sorry. I was a dick." He apologized with a long sigh; oddly enough, he looked at both me and her. Freckles finally turned her face to look at him. "I was just mad, mad in general because of all that is happening. And I took it out on you... and on Darren. I'm still upset with you Darren, though." He said looking at me as I lowered my gaze and nodded while pursing my lips. "But I have no reasons to be upset with you, Freckles. You were actually being cool, trying to ease the crappy situation, and I took your words and misrepresented them. Only because this whole situation with Brian is beating me, not because he is the one to blame, but because I realize he is not okay and I don't know how to handle it. I wish I could be more like you, but I'm not." He sighed, looking down, discouraged. "And I was concerned and altered because I have no idea where the hell he is. I just arrived here, saw a note, and noticed that his belongings were no longer here. And he isn't here, his phone is off, and he's not okay." He panted and shook his head in exasperation.

"What do you mean that you don't know where he is and his phone is off? Does it mean that he is, like, out there in the middle of nowhere, alone, in his condition?" Freckles asked with shaky voice, frowning and just as altered as Joey was.

"I just... He was no longer here when I arrived and I've been calling him all this time and it just goes to the voicemail." Joey responded, his voice shaky as well. "I'm sorry..." He apologized as though he was guilty.

"No, no. It's not your fault..." Freckles shook her head, still frowning out of concern. "What does the note say?"

"Hey, guys. I arrived and you weren't here, so I wanted to let you know that I've been looking for apartments to rent and I found one. So, don't get scared if when you check the apartment you notice that my belongings aren't here. It wasn't a thief, it was me who moved out. Thank you for giving me a place to live, but I understand that sometimes what once was a good living as flatmates turns into a conflicting living; and I'd hate to think that I'm causing more troubles than benefits. Thank you for everything. See you around, I guess. Brian." Joey read and I closed my eyes and bit my lips while shaking my head. It was obvious it was my fault. "That's it all."

"Hold on..." I whispered, frowning. "He leaves this note, he takes all of his belongings and he leaves, turning his phone off... And he didn't even mention where his new apartment is. So he could be totally lying. He could be just out there, sleeping on the street or in a park in order to leave our apartment to stop being a bothersome as soon as possible." I said with my gaze lost. "Oh, shit."

I looked up and I saw Freckles and Joey agape, also manifesting 'Oh, shit' with their facial expressions. All of us knew this was so typical of Brian. I pulled out my phone and dialed Brian's number: voicemail. Joey gave it a try with no success and so did Freckles. The fucking voicemail. What now? I plopped down on the couch, thinking that none of that would have happened if I hadn't treated Brian like shit in the morning and if I had stopped him when he said he was gonna look for apartments. I ran a hand over my face and when I opened my eyes again, I saw Freckles hanging the backpack over her shoulder.

"I know where he can be." She announced. "So, I'll look for him."

"I'll accompany you." I said, standing up.

"Same here." Joey stood up.

"No. I want to go alone." She quickly refused. "I'll text you if I find him, okay?"

She didn't even give us time to complain. She just left. Joey and I exchanged looks, then he locked himself in his bedroom. I knew he was still mad at me and he will be mad at me for a while. He was rarely mad at me, but when he was, it was hard to get him talk to me again. I lay down in my bed and stared the ceiling, thinking about a way I could swallow my pride and let Joey know that I knew I made a mistake. I rolled onto my side and I saw Brian's bed; well, what used to be Brian's bed, and I felt guilty for making him feel worse than he was already feeling. I buried my face in the pillow to stop thinking, but Freckles popped into my mind and I began to wonder what she would be thinking about me now that she knew what I did to Brian, wondering if she would still want to travel with me and make more places our own. When I managed to stop thinking and I started dozing, my phone rang.

From Freckles: I found Brian. He's fine, already in my dorm room. See you soon! Sweet dreams, Darebear.

To Freckles: That's good to know. Sweet dreams to you too, baby. I love you.

I smiled and closed my eyes. Right when I thought my phone wouldn't ring again, I got another text message.

From Freckles: I love you, too.

---

After two days of living with the version of Brian who feels down in the dumps at all hours, you managed to convince him that going out would be highly positive for him. You persuaded him that after attending his classes he should come to see you acting for Greg's short film, that Darren would also be there and that Greg was a nice guy, so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. You gave him the address where the film set was and you told him that you'd be waiting for him. You knew he was gonna go because even though he was very low-spirited to do anything, he still used to do certain things to make you smile or not to make you feel disappointed in him. Your last class of the day finally finished, so you bought a grab-and-go salad, considering you had to be in the film set earlier to read the changes in the script. You decided to go there on foot to eat the salad on the way, until you felt someone putting an arm over your shoulder. You turned your face to see who it was: A total stranger. You frowned, but the guy with black hair was smirking in a cocky way, looking ahead with his gray eyes.

"Excuse me?" You finally spoke, trying to move his arm away, but he just tightened the hold.

"Oh, hi!" He exclaimed. His voice was gravelly and his smile crooked. "Did I just stumble upon the hottest girl in college?" He asked, looking at you in a sassy way. It didn't make you feel flattered, it made you feel irritated.

"Not sure about the hottest, but you sure stumbled upon the most aloof and frigid girl. So I'd really appreciate if you move your arm the fuck away from me." You said with a bitter smile.

"Oh, I'm afraid that my arm is attracted to your shoulder, as a sort of magnetism thing." He responded with the cheeky smirk. You raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? Well, I'm afraid that the back of my hand will be attracted to your face, as a sort of magnetism thing." You exclaimed in a scoffing way. He just laughed out loud. What a stuck-up dude!

"You are funny, frigid girl." He commented and you rolled your eyes.

"Listen to me, I don't like narcissistic and smug dudes, so you may as well get away from me. Let's do it the easy way, okay?" You asked, looking severely at that guy whose name you didn't even know.

"Well, it turns out that I was never fond of the easy way." He replied, pulling you closer to him. You looked at him rabidly. "I like risky things." He gave you a sassy wink. Who did he think he was? He wasn't even that hot to be flaunting that way.

"Well, but I don't." You answered sternly, pushing him away from you. He pulled you closer to him, harshly.

"But I do." He whispered in your ear and this time his voice sounded portentous.

Then you felt it. You felt the nuzzle of a gun pressed against your waist, in broad daylight, in public. Such was the closeness between you two and such was the harshness with which he was clutching you, that nobody around would ever suspect that right in that moment someone had you captured and was threatening you with a gun. You bit your lower lip and tried to keep your face expressionless, even if deep inside you were freaking out. That dude shouldn't know you were scared or things would get worse. It was the logic of a criminal: They're stimulated by people's fear. If you proved that you weren't frightened, they would leave you in peace, because you were not 'stimulating'. At least that was what you once read and it was all you could think in that moment. Although you were pretty good to make your face look expressionless, your tense body was betraying you.

"Tell me, frigid girl... Are you gonna walk with me now?" He whispered in your ear. His voice in your ear was disturbing. You forced a smile.

"I'm a frigid girl, what makes you think that I can change my mind so easily?" You answered defiantly, trying to show him that you didn't care about the gun. You even shot him a provocative look with an arrogant smirk.

"Then you say you don't like risky things." He raised an eyebrow with his saucy smirk, pressing even stronger the muzzle of the gun in your waist. You gulped and clenched your jaw, still trying to remain expressionless while your heart was pounding. "Let's take a walk, little whore." When you heard the word 'whore' you closed your eyes and bit your tongue, realizing who this could be. "I can tell you're cold. Let me help you with that."

He used that as an excuse to pull you even closer to him and clutch you in a way you couldn't move by your own, so he was manipulating all your movements. You started walking slowly, silently, in a way that was awfully tormenting because nobody was noticing that this dude next to you wanted to hurt you.

"We weren't properly introduced." You spoke, fighting not to make your voice sound shaky.

"You're right. Excuse my bad manners." He answered with a wicked, crooked smirk. You looked into his eyes, something on him that hasn't changed; despite he was wearing colored contact lens. "I'm Thomas." He said and you let out a derisive snicker, your face overflowing with sneer.

"Thomas, eh? Oh, so sad. You're getting worse when it comes to choosing names." You sneered, shaking your head and raising an eyebrow. "Thomas, Brian's middle name. Everett, Darren's middle name." You pointed out. "Really, Jim was a more inconspicuous name, Wade. Oh, sorry, I mean Thomas." You taunted, a snide smirk on your face.

"Oh, aren't you a smart girl, whore?" He asked, amused, not offended by what you said.

"Yes, I am." You replied flaunting yourself. "Unluckily, you don't have even half of my intelligence and cunning. Though I must admit that you stand out for your high ability to sneak through the crowd without being discovered." You spoke calmly, despite the gun threatening to pierce your waist.

"Thank you for the compliment. Doesn't it make me clever, though?" He asked arrogantly and you laughed derisively.

"You have a wrong concept of clever, deary." You scoffed.

"Hmm, your insolent side turns me on, whore." He whispered in front of your lips and you had to stand smelling his repulsive breath. "I can tell you've changed. You didn't have this defiant side years ago." He commented, enjoying this in a perverse way. Instead of making a disgruntled grimace, you smirked smugly.

"Oh yeah, I'm none like the fearful teen girl of years ago. And you are so blockhead that you cannot imagine of what this fearless young girl is capable of doing now. You don't have a damn idea with whom you're dealing right now; one thing I can tell you is that it's not in your favor, deary." You let out a disdainful chuckle, looking at him in a condescending way. "Tell me, Wade... I can call you Wade, right? I mean, there's no need of pretending between us." You asked provocatively and it worked because he looked at you bitterly, completely despising the way you were treating him, a way he wasn't used to be treated. "So, tell me, Wade... How does it feel to know that now all your plans fail? This is something new for you, seeing how you're failing as a damn loser. You became a loser, one of the things you loathe the most. How is the loser life treating you, Wade? Have you decided how your loser life is gonna end? Like the life of your alcoholic father or like the life of your junkie mother?" You asked provocatively and viciously.

You hated yourself for saying such nasty words, but it was the way to deal with such a perverse guy. It was truly working, his face was reflecting hatred, his eyes were blazing with anger, and his lips were pursed with bitterness. He was starting to get so bent out of shape and this was negative for him; he was showing that you were overtaking him and you were showing him that you were not scared of him, even if you actually were. When you gave him a saucy smirk, he smirked back, regaining his composure, ready to start the game of attack-defense-attack.

"How brave of you to act in a haughty way towards the man who could kill you right here with this gun!" He exclaimed with an ominous snigger. This didn't wipe the saucy smirk away from your face, which irked him. When you shrugged indifferently, his nostrils flared with anger. He pressed the gun in your waist as you made a big effort not to shiver in fear. "Listen to me, whore... I'm getting bored of the shit that comes out of your mouth and I hate when I get bored. So, I'll cut to the chase. You're gonna do what I tell you. Firstly, you're gonna tell the stupid private investigator and attorney you hired to stop gathering information about me, you'll tell them that I must not be charged of any crime. Secondly, you're gonna tell the wanker of Clerk to meet me when I say so, because he still has to die for killing an innocent man; besides, I want to provide him the death he deserves, it surely isn't cool to live the miserable life you live after being raped. Thirdly, you're gonna admit the fact that you're just a whore who doesn't have the ability to beat me, so you're gonna stop acting in a stupid way if you want to die with dignity. Fourthly, you're gonna keep in mind that I will come for you later for messing with me; I will kill you and all of your friends and I won't stop until I get to do it. Is that clear, whore? Because if it's not clear, I'm gonna shoot you right now, right here." He asked with ragged voice, looking steadily into your eyes in a spiteful way. You looked at him with a blank stare, then you narrowed your eyes and curled your lip in scorn. Briefly, a brash smile played about the corners of your mouth.

"Oh, please, you're more stupid than what I thought if you think that I'm gonna do what you ask." You provoked him, keeping your eyes fixed on his.

"And you claim to be clever?" He laughed scornfully.

"Yes, I am clever. Very clever." You spoke with absolute clarity and sheer superciliousness. "I'm clever enough to know you're just a spooked and weak-kneed little crybaby who's hiding under the guise of a tough and hooligan bully in order not to be considered a loser, the kind of people you hate just because you are one and you're frustrated because of that." You began to get his hackles up owing to your disdain and jeer towards him. Therefore, he buried the muzzle of the gun in your stomach and you looked at it and laughed contemptuously. "And I'm clever enough to realize that just because you're a wimp, and in view of the fact that we're in broad daylight in a public place, that gun with which you've been threatening me this whole time is a stupid water gun." You said very surefire, even if you knew it was a real gun. But when you saw his stunned face, you realized it was indeed a water gun; so you felt more confident. "And I'm clever enough to have let you say the bunch of crap you said for the sole purpose of getting you entertained and making you think that you had the control, when in fact I'm the one who has the control. Because while you were saying your shit, I was tranquilly managing to pull out my own weapon to attack you if I had to." You said with a wicked smirk, looking down to make him look the cutter that you were pointing to his kidney. Thankfully you were studying art and you always had a cutter in your purse. His face was starting to reflect his panic. "Not to talk about the fact that when you were playing to be the rude dude, I was playing with my phone and I accidentally on purpose dialed certain number..." You pulled out your phone to show him the phone call you started minutes ago. 9-1-1. His face was now pale and it showed the dread and fright he was feeling. "They got to hear the way you've threatened me. Oh, can you hear that? It's the sound of the police car sirens coming for you." You smirked viciously as he looked all around, altered. "So, yeah, I think I'm clever enough and I think you should stop underestimating me because, as I said, I'm no longer that fearful teen girl." You raised an eyebrow and looked at him triumphantly. He looked fixedly into your eyes, his eyes blazing with rage due to the fact that he knew you won and he was a 'loser'. However, he smirked.

"I'm blown away. That was a good move, whore. But not good enough to win me. This is just the beginning and you'll suffer so much because of this." He winked and after that, he ran away really fast in order not to be caught by the cops. He disappeared into the crowd.

"He went that way!" You yelled when a dozen cops approached you.

They ran to where you pointed and some curious looks looked at you and the cops. People were finally noticing that something wrong was happening, too late. You knew they weren't going to find him. But it actually didn't matter that he escaped or that the cops wouldn't catch him. What truly mattered was that you now knew how Jim looked like now, where he was and what his name was. What mattered was that for the first time you managed to be ahead of him and you made him think you were not scared of him. What mattered was that for the first time you made a really good move to scare him and show him that just as he would make your life miserable, you were also able to do it because you were no longer the teen girl you used to be. What mattered was that you made him think that you were at advantage, that you could play this game and that you had as good chances as he had to win. What mattered was that Jim was now scared of you, so he would think twice before messing with you and your friends. As quickly as possible, you went to the nearest building and headed straight to the restroom. You locked yourself in a bathroom stall and sat on the toilet to finally breathe. You began to gasp and your body started trembling with chills as silent and blatant tears began to race down your cheeks and drip from your wobbling chin, releasing the fear, stress and hysteria you've been feeling all this time when you were pretending to be brave and haughty. You had no idea what crossed your mind when you decided to provoke, challenge and face Jim; on one hand, you were glad you did because now he was scared of you, but on the other hand, you were very stupid, impetuous and imprudent. That gun could have been a real gun, the cutter would have just cut him a little, the plan of calling to 9-1-1 could have failed, and Jim was a demented psycho, so he could have killed you. You were not actually that clever; you were just lucky, very lucky. By a fortunate reason, the entire universe conspired in your favor. With your shaky hands, you pulled out your phone to text Greg that you were sorry you couldn't arrive on time and that you were about to go there. But someone knocked the door of the bathroom stall and prevented you from texting.

"Occupied." You said out loud, your voice shrill and wobbly.

Although you said it was occupied, the person opened the door and before you could react, the person clutched you before you could see the face and covered your nose and mouth with a damp rag. You began to feel weak and very drowsy until you could no longer keep your eyes open and, therefore, fell unconscious. Before you knocked out, you realized it was a damp rag soaked in chloroform.

---

"What if something happened to her?" Greg asked, tapping his phone against his chin.

"Freckles is unpunctual. She has always been like that." I answered with a sneaky sigh. He was starting to annoy me with his senseless nervousness. "Right, Brian?" I asked and he looked at Greg and nodded in silence.

"But it's been more than an hour!" Greg exclaimed alarmed. Geez. This dude was terribly jittery.

"Once we had to wait for her for two hours. She gets distracted so easily." I shrugged and looked away. I never wished more Freckles' arrival, this dude was nice but insufferable. "Remember that time, Brian?" I asked to try to talk to him for both reasons: I wanted to make him utter at least a single word and I wanted to ignore this Greg dude. But Brian just nodded, looking at his lap.

"I'm calling her and she doesn't pick up the call." Greg announced and seriously, I was losing my temper.

"Cut calling her. It's pointless. She almost always has her phone on silent." I told him very serious. It was driving me nuts the fact he wouldn't stop walking from one side of the room to the other. "Brian, you saw her this morning. She was fine, right?" I asked and Brian nodded again. "See? She was fine. Nothing to worry about. She probably got distracted talking to someone; she is very sociable and chatty."

"Or perhaps she got distracted seeing an ordinary tree that for her is a grandiose and breathtaking tree, she is very keen when it comes to nature." Brian added and I looked at him abruptly, surprised that he finally spoke. I felt happy for that, so I encouraged it to make him talk more.

"Yes, that's so right, bro!" I exclaimed loudly, a smile crossing my lips. "She could totally live into the wild, using a trunk as a table and a pile of leaves as a bed in order to breathe fresh air." I added while looking at him. I saw a faint grin spreading across his face.

"And in order to stargaze." He added and I nodded energetically. "It's her favorite thing to do in the world."

"Besides eating chocolates." I added and he chuckled.

"And besides drinking coffee, painting and acquiring more knowledge."

"And singing and acting."

"And discussing the origin of the universe." He added with an amused smile and I nodded while giggling.

"Geez, bro! What a quirky friend we've got!" I exclaimed loudly, raising my eyebrows.

"That's why we love her." He shrugged, still smiling. It was really cool to see him smiling, weird thing to see in these days.

"Damn right." I agreed roundly.

"Really, guys... I know you know her more than I do..." Greg said and I raised an eyebrow because that was obvious. He didn't know a damn shit about Freckles. "And maybe she is unpunctual as you said... But she never arrived late when we met to talk about the film. She's not unpunctual when it comes to work, at least that is what she proved me. I'm really worried that something bad has happened to her. She would let me know if she was delayed." Greg said and I looked at him very annoyed.

"Well... Not everything revolves around you for her to let you know that..." I whispered but he heard me.

"I know that. But you see, she would let me know." He frowned, looking at me a bit upset. "I don't know what your problem with me is."

"I just think you are a bit possessive of her, as though you own her or as though she owes you any kind of explanation..." I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes. "You're just a random dude she met and if she doesn't let us know when she's delayed, why do you think she would let you know so?" I asked a bit harshly and he huffed and shook his head.

"You're taking this on a personal level and you're forgetting that this is exclusively professional, despite that we get along. This is why I think she would let me know if she's delayed, because she's a very professional and responsible girl, if you didn't know." He replied and that made me feel very vexed.

"You don't know anything about her, so stop talking as if you did." I replied back, clenching my teeth.

"Maybe I don't know many things about her, personally talking; I'm not gonna deny it. But I know more things about her than you do when it's about work because I really doubt you've ever worked with her." The idiot dared to answer me.

"You have no fucking idea if I did or not." I snapped in a rough way. I noticed Brian was observing us in complete silence.

"Alright, whatever... I don't wanna argue with you. You are her friend and I am not. Happy?" He sighed, raising an eyebrow. "And for the record, you should know that you have no reasons to have a problem with me, because I'm not trying to steal her from you as you may be thinking. I told you, I like her but this is exclusively professional."

"So, you like her..." I clenched my jaw and looked at him angry.

"Yes, I like her. Everybody likes her. She's really nice." He shrugged as though he wanted to say it wasn't a big deal. "And when someone says they like her, sometimes it means that they like her in a friendly way; it doesn't necessarily mean that they're interested in having a love affair with her. You should know that, otherwise, you'll end up having a problem with every guy who talks to her."

"How you dare to tell me that?" I asked very irked.

"It was just a free advice. I like her in a friendly way." He sighed again. I was about to argue with him, but Brian placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I think he really likes her in a friendly way." Brian said and I looked at him and nodded.

"Yeah, sorry, Greg! I forgot you're gay." I blurted without thinking and it sounded harsh.

He glanced at me as if he was ashamed and then he looked away, gulping, nervous. I forgot that Freckles told me it was a secret and I should never comment about it because he's had rough times in the past due to his sexual orientation; so I felt bad, despite the fact that I didn't like him.

"And that's totally cool, of course." I added, this time with soft voice. "I have lots of gay friends... I mean, come on, I grew up in San Francisco..." I tried to fix it but I was just making it more awkward. So Brian intervened.

"Greg..." He said, but Greg kept looking away. "Darren is just trying to say that being gay, or bisexual or straight isn't something to be ashamed of; at least not around us. We won't judge you because for us it is okay and completely normal." He said calmly and I nodded. Greg bit his lips and nodded.

"Thanks." That was the last thing he said.

None of us talked again. We stayed minutes and on in silence; I was playing a game on my phone, Brian was reading a book for one of his courses, and Greg was reading the script of his short film, checking his phone from time to time. When I stopped playing the game, I noticed Greg was sending a text message and Brian was apparently calling someone, now both of them very concerned. I checked the time and I realized why they were so concerned: Freckles was supposed to arrive here three hours earlier. Regardless of what I told Greg, I knew Freckles would let us know that she was delayed.

"Are you calling Freckles?" I asked, looking at Brian.

"Yeah, I already called her four times and she doesn't pick up the call. It's weird." He answered, his voice a bit trembling.

"Yes, it's weird." I said now looking down, starting to feel as worried and altered as Greg was feeling earlier. "Try again." I requested and Brian nodded. "Put it on speaker, please?" I requested again and so he did. We heard four beeps before she finally picked up the call.

"Well, well, well, look who's calling!" I heard a voice that definitely wasn't Freckles' voice. It was a voice that made me flinch in complete horror. I saw Brian's pale and panicked face. "I was precisely thinking about you, wanker." Jim laughed ominously.

'Why the fuck did Jim answer Freckles' phone? Why he has her phone? What the hell does this mean?' Those were some of the questions that popped into my racing mind while my heart was pounding in abject fear and consternation. 'Jim caught Freckles' was all I could think as he was snickering. If I had listened to Greg when he said he was worried about her, perhaps none of this would have happened, perhaps we would have found her on time.

"Why are you so quiet, wanker? Oh, you may be wondering why I have your whore's phone, right?" He let out a grating snicker. "I'll tell you the story, but first let me congratulate you, wanker! You've managed to get out of prison and undo the death penalty for killing an innocent man!" He exclaimed with low and rough voice. I saw how Greg looked at Brian abruptly, wide-eyed, stunned and perhaps a bit frightened. "I hope you liked the little present I gave you to make of your time in prison a time for new experiences. You surely enjoyed being raped; how those sweaty, smelly, and devotees of sadomasochism guys got your virgin ass fucked. They told me you were tight as fuck and wailing like a crybaby. Did you like it, wanker?" He whispered with gruff voice on purpose.

That worked for Brian to frown and close his eyes with an odd grimace, showing his mortification and trauma. Greg was now looking at him in a disturbed and pitiful way. When Brian opened his eyes again, he didn't dare to look at anyone with his eyes glimmering with tears and his lips pursed strongly and I didn't dare to pat his back because I knew that would end in a bad way as it always happened whenever he was remembering what happened to him. I wanted to punch Jim for making Brian remember that just when earlier he'd managed to forget it for a couple of hours.

"You are no longer an ass virgin, wanker! Congratulations!" He laughed in a deranged, loud way. Brian's lips began to quiver, but he held his tears back. "Now that I've already acted as a polite gentleman and congratulated you as it should, I'll tell you the story of how I happened to have your whore's phone." His gruff voice denoted a hint of perverse amusement. "Hours ago, your whore and I encountered on the campus. I think she was going somewhere important, considering she was walking in a hurry. However, she decided to be polite and take a walk with me, a long walk with an old friend." He commented tranquilly as though he was talking about an ordinary thing. That made me feel rabid.

"What the hell have you done to her?" Brian asked with clenched teeth, his voice throaty and wobbly.

"Despair not, wanker!" He giggled like a maniac. It was disturbing to hear that wacky laugh echoing in the extremely silent room. "We were having a quiet, pleasant conversation until the whore decided to face me. Oh yeah, the little slut acted in a very impertinent and arrogant way, as if she was more skillful than me, as if she was of a higher rank. I must admit that her defiant side turned me on at first, but then her scornful side started blowing my cool. She was not behaving in a proper way. She acted high and mighty and nobody likes it. She bragged about her cleverness, and I don't like boastful people." He sighed, talking in a sarcastically sad way. "She played with me. She tricked me. She threatened me with a cutter and she dared to call 9-1-1 while we were quietly talking. And it's not cool to trick an old friend that way, if you know what I mean." He spoke in an acerbically afflicted way.

That asshole and his mocking sarcasm, I felt my inner body heat because of the rage. But stupid Freckles! Why would she face Jim alone? When I saw Brian's face, I noticed he was thinking the same thing; as Greg just looked very confused, though sensing this was something bad, real bad.

"Listen to me, you friggin' bully..." Brian suddenly blurted in an aggressive way, clenching his jaw. Greg and I looked at him bewildered, trying to keep silent. "You better cut with this damn crap and tell me where the hell she is or I swear, I swear on my dad's grave that I'm gonna find you and I'll beat the shit out of you before your body rots in jail until your fucking last breath. Did you hear me, you motherfucker?" He yelled madly, his jugular veins becoming visible and pulsating. Both Greg and I gasped and widened our eyes.

"I think someone is blowing a fuse." Jim laughed derisively.

"Cut with the shit, motherfucker!" Brian shouted again in such an imperious way that made Jim stop laughing.

"I'll tell you what... You will stop yelling at me in such an impudent way or I'm gonna shoot the whore's head without hesitating. Here's a little proof that I have this whore kidnapped." Jim spoke, this time serious and rabid. "Speak, fucking bitch!" Jim shouted and we heard a sound that sounded like a slap, then a whimper that gave me chills.

"Do not do what he says, Brian! It's a trap!" I heard Freckles' weak and shrill voice exclaiming in desperation and I froze. Brian dropped his mouth and his ashen face reflected panic and restlessness. Greg was looking at the phone disturbed.

"Enough, whore!" Jim yelled and we heard another slap. "Now hear the sound of my gun, wanker." He said, apparently pulling back the trigger of the gun. "Would you stay quiet now, wanker?" He asked and Brian did not answer. "I didn't hear you!" He screamed rabidly.

"Yes, asshole." Brian responded coldly, though his voice trembled.

"Great." Jim gritted his teeth. "Now listen to me and do not dare to interrupt me, wanker, because I can't stand when people interrupt my speech." He ordered and Brian clenched his jaw in anger, but he did not utter a word. "I will show you my mercy and I will free the whore safe and sound if that is what you want. You want that, wanker?" He asked but Brian didn't answer. "You have my permission to strictly answer the question."

"Yes, I want that." Brian responded with a growl, yet his voice showed the suspicion and fear he was feeling. Nothing good would come out from Jim's 'mercy'.

"Then we ought to make a deal." Jim replied and I could see his wicked smirk on the other end of the phone line. "I will free the whore safe and sound, but you have to come here for her. Completely alone, unarmed, with no phones, microphones or cameras. You must come with nobody and nothing, or I'll kill her." Jim said and I bit my lips. What Freckles said: 'It's a trap', popped into my mind. "And that's not all..." He snickered maliciously. "You know I like games, don't you?" His voice sounded shrill and wheezy. "You know the saying 'A life for a life', wanker?" He asked with guttural voice and it made my blood run cold. Brian's face became paler, even when I thought it was impossible; he really looked terrible. "Now let me ask you... How far are you willing to go for the one you love?" He asked with absolute clarity and I saw Brian gulping. He already knew what Jim was gonna ask. "So here's the deal... In return for her salvation, you must die, killed by me." He sniggered viciously and I gasped and felt a lump in my throat. I saw Greg agape in horror, looking fixedly at Brian who was looking down, his face stupefied. "So, tell me your decision right now. Will you come to face your death or will I have to kill the whore right now?" He hurried and I saw how Brian flinched, nails digging hard into his wrist. 'It's a trap', I thought.

"I will go. Tell me where." Brian's throaty voice answered and I closed my eyes.

"There's a large abandoned house at intersection of Dexter Ann Arbor Rd and Whitetail Trail. You'll recognize it. There's where your death is gonna take place. Remember, you must come alone or things will be fucked up for you and your whore." Jim spoke slowly and I could swear that psycho was enjoying this. There was a dramatic pause. "Think about this, wanker, your life ain't worth a fig, after all; and you'll be saving someone else's life. The only heroic and worthy thing you've ever done. Besides, if you stop to think about this, you will..."

"Is that it all, asshole?" Brian interrupted him rudely. "I will go to that abandoned house alone and you are gonna free her. I want to see with my own eyes when you free her safe and sound before you kill me. That's my condition of our deal." He spoke with determination, in a rigid way. I could see his bleak stare as his green eyes welled exuding the first tears, yet he remained silent. "You must say: Yes, Brian, I understand your condition and I will do my duty." He ordered with admirable control of his voice. Nobody would believe he was shedding tears if they didn't see him.

"Yes, wanker, I understand your condition and I will do my duty." Jim answered in a scornful way. However, I was surprised that Brian managed to make Jim say something he requested. "It's the least I can do for a bastard who is at death's door." He laughed out loud, savoring his victory. "You have one hour to come here, wanker. If you don't arrive on time, I'm afraid you're gonna find the dead body of your whore."

"Don't worry, I'll be there." Brian responded defiantly. In vain. What would be the point of being defiant now? "See you in less than an hour, asshole."

And Brian was the one who hung up first, not giving Jim the chance to laugh triumphantly and madly. And he broke, not into tears, but into despair so great that was maddening; and that despair had nothing to do with the fact he knew he was gonna die, but more to do with the fact that Freckles could be hurt; it wasn't so hard to realize it if you could see his face. And I was also in despair, but because I couldn't get why he wouldn't give a damn shit about himself. Greg, on the other hand, looked absolutely aghast, he was paralyzed, looking wide-eyed at Brian. I didn't like Greg, but fuck! He didn't deserve to be part of this, he didn't deserve to have experienced this.

"I gotta go." Brian spoke, now he allowed himself to speak with trembling voice. He looked up at Greg. "I'm sorry for this mess, man. I hope you can forget this happened. Nothing bad will happen to you, he doesn't know you." He said and Greg, taken aback, just parted his lips. Then Brian looked at me. "Remember the promise you made to me once. Take care of her, always." His voice cracked, yet he didn't cry. Then he closed his eyes and bit his lips. "Please, after this, try to do your best to imprison that asshole. Please." He implored in such a way that made me feel even more agitated.

"We are a team, bro." I replied, looking fixedly at him. He opened his eyes to look at me and nod, grinning weakly.

"We are a team." He asserted, but he didn't get my point. "Thank you for being my bro friend." He added and I shook my head.

"We're a team, Brian. That means we ought to act like a team. A team never leaves aside a member of the team, so I'm not gonna leave you alone in this." I said roundly, looking steadily at him who was shaking his head.

"Not this time. I'll not allow Jim to hurt more people." He answered, even more roundly.

"You heard what Freckles said. This is a trap." I reminded him.

"I don't know if this is a trap or not, but I ain't risking anything." He responded, with a breathy sigh.

"Okay, it may or may not be a trap. Either way, we're doing this shit together." I replied almost in an authoritative way. He was about to complain, but I made him shut up. "No! Don't dare to stand up against me! If you go, I'm gonna go, and you must go, so I must go. If you die, I die. Because that is how a team works. All that is done, is done in team."

"I'm not gonna let you do so, Darren! Not ever!" He basically yelled, so I dropped my jaw. Then he sighed to calm down. "Listen, in a team, each member has a purpose. Your purpose is to take care of her, so you must not go because you have to be alive."

"And what is your purpose, eh? To die?" I scowled as he pursed his lips and looked down.

"No." He shook his head. "My purpose is and it's always been to keep you safe and protect you all. It turns out now that to keep you safe I have to die. But I'm going to die doing my purpose, the same way I was gonna die when I was imprisoned because I did my purpose of keeping you safe." He explained and I looked away because I wasn't expecting that answer. Fuck, he left me speechless. What I was supposed to say now?

"Alright, fine..." I finally spoke. "Your purpose is to keep us safe and protect us. And my purpose is to take care of you. You see, you have to go because you have to keep us safe, but I also have to go to take care of you." I said and looked up, feeling very astute.

"No, please, don't distort this." He sighed in frustration, running a hand over his face.

"I'm not distorting this. I'm trying to do my purpose." I answered, raising an eyebrow. "And we should go because we don't have much time. We'll think about a plan to beat that asshole on our way to that abandoned house." I added quickly so he wouldn't find another excuse. "Come on, we gotta move!"

"Darren..." Brian huffed and I shot him a severe look. "Thank you." He whispered and I smiled.

"You got it, bro." I responded.

"Guys?" Greg suddenly spoke, so both Brian and I looked at him. "I'll go with you."

"No, no freaking way!" Brian answered quickly. "No. You have nothing to do with this bully and, trust me, it's better that way. No. You won't meet that bully. It's highly dangerous." He refused strongly.

"Yes, I agree with him." I added and Greg looked at us distressed and stunned.

"But... I wanna help." He responded shyly. "I know how's like to deal with a bully. I had to deal with bullies all my life. And I hate when someone is being bullied. So I wanna help." He actually sounded very honest.

"Okay, you're gonna help us." I said and Brian looked at me abruptly, altered. "But you won't come with us. You'll help us another way." I added before Brian could start arguing. "You heard the address of the house he gave?" I asked and Greg nodded. "Cool. This is how you're gonna help... If we don't come back here after an hour, you'll call the police and you'll give them the address, telling that three people are being assaulted by a deranged man. It's very important that you do that." I said looking fixedly at him and I noticed Brian was surprised by what I said, and he apparently thought it was a good idea.

"I will do it." Greg affirmed. "Be careful." He said and it sounded more like a plea. Maybe he wasn't the jerk I thought he was. "I will be waiting for the three of you to come back. The three of you." He emphasized and Brian and I nodded. "You can do it."

After that, Brian and I went out running to go for Freckles. We just had 20 minutes to arrive and think about a plan; we had 20 minutes to figure out if this was a trap or not, to take Freckles out of there, and I had just 20 minutes which could be the last minutes with Brian. So many things going on in a short time. We took a cab that left us in the intersection of Dexter Ann Arbor Rd and Pratt Rd, because we didn't bring much money and that was all we could afford. As the crow flies, we still had 0,9 mi to go and 10 minutes to make it; therefore, we began to run and Brian, who was faster than me, reduced his speed to run next to me and talk.

"When we were in the cab I came up with a plan." He said with breathy voice, but trying to speak loud so that his voice wouldn't be muffled by the sound of cars passing by at fast speed. "Jim must not know you came with me or he's gonna lose his mind and he might kill you and her. That must not happen." He clarified and I nodded, feeling like an invisible creature was trying to tear off my lungs of my body. I've never ran faster than this in my life. "Now, I'm pretty sure this is a trap, it's the way he plays. He will kill me and he won't free her, it's more useful for him to keep her held for ransom and that ransom will be to ask you to stop with the investigation of his case. So, I think he will keep her hidden and I won't even get to see her..." He kept saying and I was frowning, panting, sweating, and running out breath; all of that as my heart was about to explode because of the upheaval going on my head. "So, here's the plan... I'll find Jim to face him and show him that I kept my word and I came here alone as he wanted. I will keep him entertained and I'm gonna make him talk as much as possible before he does what we agreed on our deal. In the meantime, you're gonna sneak in, very carefully and very sneakily, and you will go through the house looking for her. You must be quick and sneaky and you must find her; you're good at it." He explained and I nodded, thinking it was a good plan so far. "You're gonna free her, and then the two of you will get out of there, also quickly and sneakily. You will not, by any means, look for me. You must run away from there. Here, I didn't say it, but I saved some money for you to take a cab, so you can quickly get away from there before Jim realizes she's not there." He said handing me two Jacksons. I scowled and shook my head.

"Wait, what?" I finally spoke, my voice sounding breathy and wheezy. "We're not gonna leave you behind!" I disagreed soundly. "He is gonna kill you, Brian! For fuck's sake! There's no way we're gonna leave you behind!" I objected with a growl. "Besides, Freckles won't leave without you. And you know how she is, she won't stop until getting what she wants."

"That's why you have to lie to her. It'll be a little white lie. You have to tell her that we decided to trick Jim, that I was not going because I was aware this was a trap just to kill me, and that you went in my place to free her. You have to make her believe that or she will make the biggest mistake of looking for Jim and Jim is gonna kill her." Brian answered and I looked at him in disturbance, shaking my head.

"No, Brian. Goddammit, I fucking hate you!" I yelled rabidly and he frowned. I took a second to gasp for air before continuing running. "I fucking hate the fact that you are the only person I know who doesn't care a damn shit about his own life! And fine, you don't care about your life, but we do care! And we care a lot! Dammit, we've done a lot of things to undo your sentence for you to be alive, and now you're throwing your life to hell again! It's so fucking unfair and frustrating and totally infuriating!" I continued yelling madly, running even faster due to my anger. He also increased his speed while looking at me stunned. "You're a fucking dickhead if you think we're gonna let Jim kill you after all the shit we did to keep you alive!" I suddenly pushed him and he tottered but managed to keep his balance. I continued running, but he stopped there, looking at me shocked. So I stopped as well and walked towards him to push him again, punching his chest several times. "You are a damn jackass, you friggin scumbag!"

I punched his chest and pushed him again, this time I made him fall on his ass on the dusty ground. He was looking at me puzzled, his lips parted. I took a deep breath to calm down and then I stretched my hand to him and helped him stand up. I dusted his pants and then looked at him.

"You are gonna die, but not today. You are going to die of old age, having lived a wonderful life, in a warm place, surrounded by all your loved ones. You still have got a lot to share with us and we've got a lot to share with you." I said with soft voice, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking fixedly at him. "We're not gonna leave you behind, bro."

"You have to do it." He said and I huffed and bit my lips. "Listen, I'm not gonna let Jim kill me. I don't wanna die yet. I want to live many more years to share with you a lot of experiences that I'll be able to tell to my grandchildren when I'm old. I've been in prison and I know how to defend myself, so I will be fine. You and Sunny must run away and I promise you'll see me again." He said and I remained silent, scanning his eyes.

I knew he wasn't being completely honest; I knew he was aware that there were high possibilities for us not to see him again; but I saw in his eyes that he wanted to believe that he will see us again. For the first time, I saw in his eyes that he wanted to live.

"It is a promise, Brian. Freckles and I will run away without you, but you'll return safe and sound because it is a promise." I spelled out with absolute clarity. He nodded in accordance; so I nodded and gulped, patting his shoulder. "Yeah. Okay."

We kept running, this time faster because we were running out of time owing to that little offhand conversation. We finally arrived to the Whitetail Trail, it was a dirt trail surrounded by many mature trees that wouldn't allow seeing what was down the road. After a while, we arrived to the large abandoned and dilapidated house, isolated from everything. That was such a good place to have someone kidnapped; nobody would ever notice a damn thing if an assault was done there. The more we approached the house, the sneakier we walked. Brian gestured me to go to the rear of the house while he was gonna enter the house through the front door and will keep Jim entertained. So we went separate ways and like that begun my lone mission. There was no rear door, so I entered the house through a broken window. I heard Brian speaking.

"Where is she?" He asked and I heard Jim's vicious laughter.

"I'm not trying to bust your balls, but… Did you really think I would free the whore? You're so naive, wanker."

Brian was right. Jim was planning to keep Freckles held for ransom and this was a trap, as Freckles said. There was a staircase, but I had to go to the same room where Brian and Jim were to climb it. Jim was giving me his back when I sneakily entered the room; I could hear the rapid beating of my heart, terribly frightened that Jim could see me. I saw that Brian looked over Jim's shoulder and noticed I was there, so he did his best to keep him distracted.

"We had a deal." Brian spoke in a fierce way. "Look into my eyes, asshole!" He ordered quickly when Jim moved his face to mock him. I started climbing the staircase, trying my best not to make any noise.

"And you're so stupid to think that I fulfill my deals. I backed out of the deal. After all this time, wanker, you trust what I say?" He snickered scornfully. I clenched my jaw in anger, but I tried to go on with our plan.

"Even the Mafia and gangs keep their word, because they are real men and they have this motto that goes: A man, without his word, is nothing. Look into my eyes while I say this..." Brian commanded in a defiant way as I was climbing the stairs, freaking out. "You are nothing, asshole." When Jim sniggered in a deranged way I finally arrived to the second floor and headed to a dim corridor, disappearing from Jim's sight. "Why don't we go to the kitchen? I'm thirsty. The least you can do is to give me a glass of water before killing me." Brian requested very loudly so that I could hear him.

He wanted to free the room, so later Freckles and I could sneak out the house through the front door without being seen. He was clever; I knew he would make it to leave this damn place alive. There were like six doors in the walls with cracks and plaster falling off. I didn't want to open all the doors because I could notice the wood was rickety and the opening of a door would make a very loud noise. So I began to peer through the door locks to catch a glimpse of inside of each room. There were three doors which had the door locks covered with cobwebs, preventing inward look of the room. I looked at the three of them, trying to guess in which room Freckles was. I was pretty aware that I had only one shot and it had to be the right one, otherwise, we'd be fucked up. When I made a decision, I opened the door very carefully and it creaked as I previously assumed. A single broken mirror was in the dusty and cold room; and Freckles wasn't there. I began to feel desperate and shaken, and fearful. I was completely freaking out and Freckles wasn't there. At this point, I was panting and sweating, and I stayed paralyzed as my body was shivering. I was almost sure that Jim would come to me, but I heard rabid yells coming from downstairs and I realized that Brian and Jim were in middle of an aggressive battle, too occupied to pay attention to other sounds. But then I heard another sound: Sound of steps walking down the corridor. As yet, it never crossed my mind that Jim could be accompanied by one of his helpers. There was no place to hide in this room, so I hid behind the door. The steps were coming closer and I bit my lips and held my breath in order not to be heard. My body was shaking and I felt a pressure in my chest, the rapid beating of my heart was driving me insane; I thought that the person could hear my heart beating. I heard how someone stepped inside the bedroom and stood quiet next to the door; I could hear that person's ragged breathing. I closed my eyes and made a big effort to hold back the whimper that was about to come out my mouth. I felt that this was the end, there was no way out.

"Fucking wind." A hoarse voice of a man roared.

He walked inside the bedroom and I opened my eyes to see a robust, tall, bald man in his 30s walking to the window. He was armed to the teeth. I couldn't hold a candle to that dude. He closed it in a bang, then he turned around as I shrank, trying to step back in the dark. I saw his face: a bushy black beard, a gold tooth, a nose piercing. With heavy steps, he walked to the door again and I looked down and my lips began to quiver. I was scared as fuck. The silence and the time going by was dreadfully agonizing and it come to the point I wanted to him to finally catch me to put an end to this torture. But he stepped out the room and closed the door. I heard steps getting away and I was able to breathe easily again, it came out as a desperate panting, my shaky hands resting on my knees. My head was spinning and I was feeling dizzy. I needed air. But I was stuck in this room; I couldn't leave it because the dude was going to catch me, and I still had to find Freckles. What would I do now? I didn't even know in which of the other two bedrooms Freckles could be, I didn't even know if she was here. Maybe she wasn't in this house; that was another thing that never crossed my mind until that moment. No, I wouldn't let despair and fear win me; Brian was still facing Jim to cover my back and to get me a leg up; I could not throw away his effort. I had to abide by our plan, according to Hoyle. I looked the window and I thought that was the only escape. I opened it trying not to make any noise, and then I looked around. There was a horizontal stone banding where I could put my feet, but it was very narrow and the height from where I was to the ground was very high. In any case, I had no other option; therefore, I started walking very carefully through the narrow string course below the sash windows, trying not to look down in order not to feel vertigo, clutching to every sill of every window and to the recessed joints of the bricks. One of my feet slipped and I quickly clutched firmly to a sill, getting a mini heart attack. My fear increased and I was panting heavily, but I tried to keep my mind busy with other stuff. I searched the house through the windows from stem to stern for Freckles, and then found her. She was in a dark, empty and dusty room, tied to a chair, her mouth covered with a gag. She was completely alone, not even the robust dude was there. I carefully opened the window and Freckles looked abruptly in my direction, her face reflected horror and disquiet as she was shaking her head energetically. That dazed me; I thought she would be relieved that I was there to help her. As soon as I put my feet inside the bedroom, I understood why she was so alarmed. The robust guy was hiding next to the window and he clutched me.

---

You had no idea why Darren was here if Brian was the one supposed to be here; however, you tried to let him know that this was a trap, that he should immediately leave, that a man was there, waiting for him to enter to catch him, that he wasn't safe here; but, apparently, he didn't understand, because he entered and the man clutched him. Now he was tied next to you, with a gag on his mouth.

"I thought Wade made it clear when he said that nobody should come with the wanker of Clerk." The man spoke, his hoarse voice sounding scary. "The wanker knew the consequences if he disobeyed Wade's orders." He added, placing the muzzle of the gun under your chin with a wicked smirk, showing his gold tooth. Darren tried to kick him, but the man reacted on time and hit his head with the grip of the gun. "Don't do anything stupid, arsewipe." He threatened and Darren looked away. "What should I do with you two? It'd be so tormenting to see how Wade kills you merciless." He pouted and faked a distressed face. "But I have no other option." He shrugged with a perversely sweet smirk. "I'll have to let him know that you are here. He will make the decision of what to do with you two."

"Gary." Another robust man appeared out of nowhere and entered the room. He was blonde with a medium length haircut with a half shaved style on the sides of the head and his eyes were blue and scary. He looked at you and Darren. "We have to bring them to Wade." He ordered. Then he walked to the Gary dude to whisper something. "We have a problem. I don't know why, but it seems the wanker is the only person who knows how to manipulate Wade and he's getting it. He is convincing him to free the whore and keep him alive. So we must bring them now and Wade will come to his senses. He will get furious again and, therefore, do what he has planned." He whispered and Gary clenched his jaw.

"That fucking wanker." He growled. "Few weeks in prison and he already thinks he can control someone." He complained in a whisper. "Maybe raping him again will teach him not to mess with people our level." He roared and you gasped, looking at them with dread. "Let's go for a walk, motherfuckers." He commanded, this time loudly and in a bossy way. "Luke, you go get the whore and leave this fucker to me." He said looking at Darren with a malicious smirk. "You don't remember me, do you, fucker?" He asked and you frowned as the Luke dude was untying you. When Gary uncovered Darren's mouth, Darren smirked in a spiteful way.

"I remember you peeing your pants when Brian aimed you all with a gun, and then how the two of you and your beloved Wade ran away like little scared kids." Darren responded contemptuously. You thought those were the same guys who once caught Brian, Darren and Zoey, when the bastard of Jim killed Sawyer.

"Oh, aren't you a snide little bitch, fucker?" Gary mocked him as Luke uncovered your mouth and clutched you tightly. "I think you forgot how we deformed the wanker's face, how we crashed your face against the wall, and how Wade murdered that annoying animal." He added, raising an eyebrow.

"How pathetic of you to argue for the sake of arguing! You are just lame-ass dudes." Darren challenged, with a derisive laugh. Geez, he should stop doing that.

"I would bet my bottom dollar that you will be the one who's gonna look pathetic now." Gary snickered disdainfully. "Come on, Luke. Let's get this shit done." He ordered.

The two dudes forced you and Darren to start walking as one and began to lead the way downstairs. The more you were getting closer to the place where Brian and Jim were, the clearer their argument and rabid yells were getting. You arrived to the kitchen, where Jim was strangling Brian, who was looking at Jim in a challenging way.

"Don't fucking play with me, wanker!" Jim shouted furiously. "You won't have me with your smartass speech."

"Wade!" Gary suddenly spoke, his throaty voice echoing in the room. Jim clenched his jaw and turned his face but not enough to look at you. "Sorry to interrupt, but we were at a loss about what to do with these two little shits."

That was when Jim let out Brian's neck and turned around abruptly. You knew that the situation was off to a bad start when you saw Jim's face when he looked at you and Darren, and when you saw how Brian looked at you two terrified and then closed his eyes and bit his lips, gulping, apparently anticipating how everything would go straight to hell. You saw Jim's eyes blazing with anger and how his tense jaw was trembling owing to the rage he was feeling. Then, dangerously slow, he turned around to look at Brian, who had opened his eyes again, and was looking at Jim fixedly, trying to hide his preoccupation. Jim took a step closer to Brian and he placed his hand on the nape of his neck, pulling Brian's face closer to his.

"You brought the fucker of Criss with you, eh? You had the chance to make this right, wanker; but you were asleep at the switch and now I have to make a rough decision." He shook his head and then spat Brian's face, who closed his eyes and gulped before clenching his teeth. Jim turned to look at Gary. "As to your question, I will answer it right now…" He announced, his voice sounding very threatening. "What we are gonna do with those two little shits? I'm afraid we will have to kill one of them. I made it very clear when I said the wanker should come completely alone…" He growled, looking rabidly at Brian, then returning his gaze to Gary. "I made it clear that I'd kill the whore. So I think we must kill the whore." He said with a sigh and your heart skipped a beat, sensing how a cold chill ran throughout your body. "Wanker, I will let you see with your own eyes how I kill your whore because of your stupid decision to disrespect me." He said and you looked down as your eyes filled with tears because of your fear.

On the spur of the moment, Brian started laughing in a boastful way; so you looked up at him in confusion and also feeling hurt because he was laughing at something like that, as if he didn't care that Jim was gonna shoot you.

"Why the fuck are you laughing, wanker?" Jim asked suspiciously. Apparently, Brian's laughter was driving him mad. Brian stopped laughing to look at Jim in a defiant and fierce way.

"Be that as it may, you're all talk and no action." He smirked in a cheeky way. Jim, rudely, closed his hand on Brian's neck.

"You're gonna bleed like a stuck pig if you dare to say that again." Jim bawled out Brian. Brian let out another derisive snicker, this time muffled because Jim was strangling him.

"And there you are again, just blowing smoke." Brian challenged Jim despite he was choking him.

There was much bad blood between Jim and Brian and you could tell it by the way they were staring at each other. And Jim was more than upset. He blew his top and strangled Brian so harshly until you saw Brian's face turning red and how he was desperately gasping for air. Both you and Darren tried to yell or do something to stop Jim, but the dudes were covering your mouths and were clutching you very tightly. Suddenly, Jim let out Brian's neck and Brian breathed deeply in between coughs.

"I'm sorry, wanker. You just know how to blow my cool." Jim sighed and looked at Brian afflicted as Brian was coughing, his face slowly returning to normal. "You said again that I'm not capable of killing someone, but you forget that I killed your stupid animal and Jack in front of you. Nevertheless, if you still think that I'm not capable of doing it, let me bear it out." He said calmly, pulling out his gun.

Brian looked up alarmed as you shut your eyes, very frightened, helplessly waiting the moment Jim would shoot the gun and kill you. You heard Brian's exasperated yell, but it was muffled by the thunderous sound of the gun being shot. You thought you'd feel any kind of pain, but you didn't feel it. Instead, you felt how the dude who was clutching you released his hold. You dared to open your eyes, very confused and befuddled, and you saw blood on your clothes. But that wasn't your blood. Luke, the guy who had you, was lying dead on the floor, blood pouring out from his forehead that was pierced with the bullet. You let out a terrified squeal as your body was fiercely shaking owing to your daze. Then you looked up to find Darren and Brian looking at the body with a stunned expression, wide-eyed; as Gary was looking at Jim absolutely puzzled, frowning. Jim blew the muzzle of the gun, very calm, looked at Luke's body sadly, then turned to look at Brian and place a hand on his shoulder.

"See? Don't be so bull-headed next time, wanker." Jim spoke to a shocked Brian, patting his shoulder with a vicious smirk. "And you have to bear in mind that he was my friend, so you shouldn't doubt that I won't hesitate to kill any of you if I have to." He raised an eyebrow and Brian looked at him in a despicable way.

"You are a fucking monster!" Brian roared and pounced on Jim, acting on instinct.

But Jim had quick reflexes and he pushed Brian, making him totter and fall, hitting the back of his head against the corner of the counter. Then Jim beat the living daylights out of Brian with his fists and the grip of the gun until Brian's nose was bleeding as well as the cuts on his forehead. You tried to run towards Brian, but Gary, while still clutching Darren, tugged your shirt and pulled you to him, preventing you from moving. When Jim stopped, he let out a rabid growl. He forced Brian to stand up and aimed him with the gun to make him stay still.

"You're asking for trouble if you do another stupid thing." Jim threatened and Brian looked at him angry, his teeth clenched. Jim smiled with all his teeth and his eyes wide open, making him look completely maniac. "Now, back to square one! What are we gonna do with these three fuckers, Gary?" Buy Gary didn't answer, it seemed he was holding a grudge because Jim murdered his friend. "I think I should kill the wanker as I originally planned."

"Why don't you kill this fucker who tried to take advantage to free the whore when you were dealing with the wanker?" Gary finally suggested, looking at Darren, who looked down, his face reflecting fright and affliction. Jim frowned slightly, thinking about it.

"Good point… But I'm undecided." Jim finally responded, then smirked archly and for some odd reason, he looked at you. "We are at cross purposes, therefore, in order not to argue about what to do, it'll be very big of me to give the whore the chance to decide who she wants to save." Jim stated and you gasped and widened your eyes in abject perplexity. You were not expecting this. "You're gonna be at fault for who is gonna die today, whore." Jim added fuel to the fire when he put you on a plight. Gary smirked with great satisfaction; Darren and Brian looked at Jim agape; and you looked down troubled. "Gary, set her free and come over here with the fucker. And whore, you better not move if you don't want to see how the two of your friends die before you can make a decision." He threatened and Gary let you out before he forced Darren to walk next to Jim. Jim placed the muzzle of his gun on Brian's temple and Gary placed the muzzle of his gun on Darren's temple. You looked at them with great anguish and concern. "Why are you so troubled, whore?" He asked with a mocking chuckle and you looked down, feeling even worse. "Listen to me… At any rate, I'm gonna kill someone. It's your decision if it's the two of them or just one of them." He conveyed and you began to freak out, feeling very distraught as your chest was experiencing a sharp pain. "Come on, tell me, whore, who of them is gonna die today?" He asked and you remained silent for a long time. Then you looked up in a pleading way. You looked at Darren and Brian, both of them looking at you in a sorrowful way.

"None of them, please." You implored with strangled voice as a stream of tears made its way down your cheeks.

Jim let out a deranged snicker. You knew you were banging your head against the wall when you asked him for that, but you had to give it a try. Thus, his response was kind of what it was expected.

"You are asking for the moon, whore! You must choose one of them." He smirked with pleasure as you let out a whimper. You didn't answer because you couldn't answer. "I'm fed up with waiting for your decision!" Jim's voice sounded guttural and aggressive. You looked at Darren and Brian again; they seemed to be as troubled as you were.

"My decision…" You spoke with wobbly voice as Jim was looking at you expectant. Both Darren and Brian looked down; you could hear their ragged breathing. You made a pause to gulp, then continued talking. "The one who is gonna die today…" You said and you could notice Jim's impatience. "Is me." Your voice echoed in the room and Brian and Darren looked up at you very alarmed. "Kill me." You added, this time with determination, even if you were in abject misery.

"Hmm…" Jim hesitated, frowning, pretending to be thoughtful. He looked piercingly into your eyes. "It'll be better off if I get to see you grieving one them or the two of them." He responded with the same wicked smirk. "So, the answer is no. I'm not gonna kill you today." He stated roundly. You saw how Darren and Brian felt more relieved as you looked down and let out a muffled wail, more tears falling down your cheeks. "Think, whore, think who of them deserves to die." He started to hurry you. "Hurry up, whore! Tell me now. Tell me right now."

You were at a loss for words; you just couldn't make a decision about that. You were between the devil and the deep blue sea. Your body was shaking, your heart pounding, and your thinking clouded. You couldn't even look at Darren or Brian. Darren was the love of your life, you were in love with him; and Brian was also the love of your life, he was your best friend.

"Make a decision right now!" He yelled and you started feeling how the panic was engulfing you. "If you don't do it now, I'll kill both of them!" Jim's annoying voice was making you lose your mind. You were about to explode, you could feel it. "Come on, who are you gonna save? I'm all ears!" He hurried but you just wailed completely stressed out, feeling the bomb in your heart marking the final seconds before exploding. You wanted to save both of them. "Enough. Let's kill both of them, Gary." Jim howled enraged. You heard how they pulled back the hammer of the gun. At the eleventh hour, you exploded.

"Darren!" You blurted in a yell. You shouldn't have looked up, because the first thing you saw was Brian closing his eyes and gulping.

"Sorry, what? I didn't hear you." Jim asked ominously.

"I choose to save Darren." You cried in abject misery, looking fixedly at Brian as trying to tell him that you were extremely sorry.

Brian finally opened his eyes and his pale green eyes looked into yours. Tears were pricking at the corner of his eyes, but he gave you a faint smile and nodded, as letting you know that it was okay. But it was not okay, you were feeling horrible, you were feeling hollow, heartbroken, very remorseful because you would be the one guilty of Brian's death. Then you looked at Darren, who was looking at you astonished and deeply anguished, yet a bit relieved.

"The whore is all sweetness and light until she decides to kill one of her friends. Interesting, isn't it?" Jim added insult to injury when he said that. He looked at Brian, who was now with his gaze down. Jim pouted in a derisive way. "Oh, are you sad because she will never choose to save you? After all you did for her, she still chooses the fucker of Criss. But think about this, wanker... It's all to the good that she chose to kill you. You have the worst life that a human being can have, you don't even have something to live for." He said contemptuously, standing behind Brian and placing his hands on his shoulders. You looked at Brian feeling really bad, but he was just looking down. "I've been beating my brains out with your stupid need to be all things to all people, but I just can't get it. I told you, you will never amount to anything if you do not change your behavior; good never wins, wanker. Are you beginning to see the light? Too bad is too late. It is curtains for you." Jim continued talking, forcing Brian to kneel. Jim pulled Brian's hair when he was already on his knees. "Come on, wanker, look at the whore you love, the one who decided you deserve to die. And you whore, look with your own eyes at this wanker for the last time, look with your own eyes how I shoot the guy you decided to let die."

Brian looked up and his dismal and sunken green eyes met your mournful and remorseful eyes. Once again, his lips curled up into a faint smile, causing you all kinds of pain as you felt your heart breaking slowly, agonizingly, fully. Jim pressed the muzzle of the gun on the top of Brian's head and you gasped in dread as Brian took a deep breath and lowered his gaze.

"Game over, bid adieu to the wanker!" Jim yelled with absolute excitement. You closed your eyes and started crying your heart out when Jim pulled back the hammer of the gun.

As luck would have it the sirens of police cars were heard. Fortunately they arrived to bail you out. You opened your eyes abruptly and a lot of things happened in a short time. Jim got distracted to look outside through the window, completely choleric and edgy. Gary also got distracted and began to feel very afraid. Darren took advantage that Gary released him to punch him and snatch his gun; he started struggling with him, so Darren threw the gun and kicked it to your direction.

"Take it, Freckles! Take it!" Darren yelled desperately and you squatted to grab it.

When you squatted and when Jim noticed that you were about to grab the gun, he aimed the gun in your direction. When Brian saw what Jim did, he quickly stood up and ran to you. Brian embraced you very tightly, covering your body with his own. The thunderous sound of the gun being shot deafened you. A second later you heard another shot, and a millisecond later, you heard a third shot. You heard the sound of people breaking in.

"Ann Arbor Police!" You heard screams of men.

"Go, go, go!" Jim's shout. You heard steps running away: Jim and Gary beat a hasty retreat after shooting the gun.

"I'm gonna find you at all costs! You will be imprisoned before long!" You heard Darren's furious yell.

"Follow them!" A roar of a stranger.

"We need an ambulance!" A scream of another stranger.

You finally dared to open your eyes as your heart was pumping with rapid pulse and your body was sweating and shaking. Brian was still holding you tightly, breathing raggedly in your ear, his body also shivering. You parted a little to look at him and you saw his pale face and his moist green eyes.

"Are you okay, Sunny?" He asked with wheezy voice, very concerned. You nodded.

"You?" You asked with brittle voice, still appalled. He made a great effort to bring a smile before nodding.

You smiled widely, feeling very relieved, then you pulled him into a tight hug. At first blush Brian seemed to be okay, until you saw Darren looking at Brian with a petrified face, and until you felt something wet and thick in the back of your hands. You parted again, this time to look at your hands. You panicked when you saw your shaky hands covered with dark red blood. Aghast, you looked into Brian's green eyes that were swimming in their sockets. You frowned and your eyes glimmered with tears as he tried to force another smile. When you were still trying to understand what was happening, two men dressed as emergency physicians, took Brian by the armpits and moved him away from you. Then you saw it. The three shots you heard pierced Brian's back. He was not okay. They were taking him away from you and you had to be with him. You stood up and one of your feet slipped due to Brian's blood on the floor, you tottered but you managed to maintain balance and run towards Brian. Darren tried to stop you, but you dodged him.

"I want to be with him! You must let me be with him!" You yelled while the physicians were taking Brian inside the ambulance.

"Sorry, only close relatives can." One of them answered and you scowled.

"He has no family!" You complained with a howl. "I... I am his girlfriend! You must let me go with him! I beg you!" You implored in abject misery.

"Fine, only you." He responded, looking at Darren who was behind you. You looked at him desperate and he nodded.

"I'll go there by my own. What hospital are you taking him?" Darren asked.

"University of Michigan Health System." The physician answered and Darren nodded.

"I'll see you there, Freckles. He will be alright." Darren said and you just whimpered.

You got in the ambulance and the physicians closed the doors. Brian was lying on a stretcher and the doctors started checking him. Brian's half-opened eyes were looking at you as you were weeping desperately. You took his hand and kissed it. He gave you his last smile.

"I fulfilled my life purpose." He said with weak voice, his eyes looking fondly into yours.

You didn't understand what he meant with that, and you couldn't think about anything. You were just seeing how the physicians were trying to stop the bleeding and how Brian was weakening, his eyes losing their brightness by each passing second. You tried to do something that could make him feel better, something perhaps a bit absurd that popped into your clouded mind. You began to recite him a poem, with wobbly and breathy voice, firmly holding his hand.

"Give me your hand. Make room for me to lead and follow you beyond this rage of poetry. Let others have the privacy of touching words and love of loss of love. For me, give me your hand." Your voice cracked and your vision became blurred owing to the tears that would endlessly stream down your face. Brian never ceased to look into your eyes.

"Love... you." He mumbled and his green eyes shut.

"We're losing him! We're losing him!" One of the physicians exclaimed desperate.

Your face froze in shock and your heart stopped beating as you were wrapped up in sweet stupefaction before you fell apart and succumbed to great bleakness and grief. You were biting your nails as you were seeing how the physicians were trying to keep Brian alive. What happened after that was something blurred, a blend between reality and flashbacks of your shared experiences with Brian. Brian was fondling your cheek and looking fondly into your eyes with his breathtaking green eyes when he told you for the first time that he loved you and he never met someone as special as you were. You were getting out the ambulance as two other emergency physicians came running to Brian's stretcher. Brian was laughing heartily when he put whipped cream on the tip of your nose one afternoon you were baking a cake when he was trying to distract you from your pain when you were depressed, before you started a whipped cream war that ended up in a mess and with the two of you laughing out loud till tears came. You were running down a hallway with fluorescent lights, behind the emergency physicians that were taking Brian somewhere you didn't know, talking with medical terms that you didn't understand. Brian and you were in your first dancing class, he was complaining because he didn't want to do it and you knew he was doing it for the sole purpose of giving you a reason to smile, therefore, you giggled when he stumbled while performing a difficult dance step, he looked at you with a pair of bright eyes and chuckled before telling you he was the best at it. The emergency physicians took Brian to a room and they didn't want to let you in, but when they focused on Brian, you sneaked in anyway because you needed to be with him, and you stood next to the bed. Brian was covering your eyes, telling you that he prepared a surprise for you and when he uncovered your eyes he placed his hands on your waist, kissed your cheek, and rested his chin on your shoulder as you were seeing the whole room decorated with colorful balloons, your favorite songs playing in the background, a small gift box on the table, and a huge chocolate cake that spelled 'Happy 18th birthday, Sunny'. The emergency physicians connected Brian to a medical monitor that measured vital signs and cardiac rhythm, you started hearing a rapid and constant beep. Brian was wiping your tears away with his thumbs when you were telling him that you couldn't make sense of your life and he told you that every day from that moment on he was going to give you a new reason of why your life was very important; he started saying that if you were gone, the world would be an empty place for him because you were the reason of his living days. Some of the emergency physicians were removing the bullets, one of them was ripping his clothes off, some of them were trying to get IVs in and placing an Arterial-line, and another one was connecting him to a BiPAP and nasal mask. Brian was lying down on bed next to you for the first time, suddenly you felt his toned arms enfolding around you to hold you firmly and comfortingly, with his sweet voice he whispered in your ear that as long as he was alive he was going to love and protect you and that was now his purpose in life. You were looking at Brian's body, seeing how life was slipping away from him. The beep increased its speed until it turned into one continuous beep, you looked at the monitor and saw the flat line that it was indicating.

"He's not breathing. Call the code! We need to resort to defibrillation right now!" A physician ordered.

Seconds later the rescue team arrived and ordered defibrillation. You closed your eyes as a way to take your mind away from this horrible moment and place; you focused on the nice things and tried to remember everything about Brian. A lot of images and memories popped into your mind in a matter of seconds, cherishing every single moment shared with your best friend. You pictured his beautiful pale green eyes and the captivating twinkle in them, his fond smile that always made you feel like the most loved girl in the universe, his catchy laughter, his sweet caresses and hugs that never failed to make you feel safe, his tender kisses that could take your breath away, his pleasant smell, his silky hair, his soft skin, his toned body, his hand scratching the nape of his neck when he was nervous, the tears in his eyes that had the ability to break someone's heart, the mellow sound of his voice, his always lovingly and encouraging words to you, his wonderful big heart that was beating to show people that the world still had the most kind-hearted man alive. "I love you, Sunny. You are my life."

"Clear?"

"Clear!"

You opened your eyes and saw how the physicians were sending him electric shock to Brian's heart and you saw how Brian's chest raised as the continuous beep was maddening you. "Your happiness means everything to me, Sunny. I will listen for your voice in the distance and I will carry your smile with me everywhere. I'll do it even after life."

"Let's try it again!"

Another electric shock, the continuous beep still deafening you, the flat line on the monitor. Third electric shock, fourth electric shock, continuous beep, flat line, tears that were making your vision blurred of Brian's pale, covered with blood, and motionless body on the bed connected to a lot of medical devices which failed to make his heart beat again. "I fulfilled my life purpose."

"Stop. We lost him. Time of death?"