My guests do not yet know it, but this is the phase of Solitary in which I will be exploring the effects of food on a demigod's body. Can they perform well in a famine? Better than a human on the same diet? And how much food can a demigod eat before his body rejects what he has eaten? These are questions I plan to answer, right away.
First, I need to make sure my guests are good and hungry. As you know, I keep my pods very cold, and make them continually colder. It is currently 49 degrees Fahrenheit in Solitary. When my guests try to keep warm, they expend energy, which makes them hungry. Sleeping also stokes one's hunger, and the players have just awoken from a two-hour nap. Still, I feel that I could be doing something more to make sure they are really hungry. Well, I have wanted to try out my new Odoriffic™ aroma siphon. I will use it to fill each of the pods with the tantalizing smell of chocolate chip cookies.
When I did, Number 7 sniffed the air. "Okay, either I'm delusional, or someone is baking cookies near my pod."
Number 9 looked in his meal slot, thinking there might be food there. "VAL, I smell food. Where is the food?"
"VAL, is this your doing?" asked Number 2. "Are you piping in this smell to make me hungry? Because if you are, it's working."
"Oh, mighty gods," moaned Number 8. "Please tell me I'm not losing my mind. I smell cookies, but there's no oven in here. And there are no cookies in here, so why do I smell them?"
"Feed me," Number 3 said in a modulated voice. "FEED ME, VAL!"
"VAL, this is not funny," said Number 4. "I know you're starving us for your amusement, so let me just say that it is not funny to mess with my meals!"
"I am so flipping hungry," said Number 5, "that I just might eat my own shoe." She took a good long look at her left shoe. After removing it, she took an exploratory nibble on it. "Hmm. Needs ketchup."
The casual observer might think that I overdid it, that I made them too hungry. But this is where I want them to be. They are not so hungry, that it is a threat to their well-being, but they are hungry enough to be uncomfortable.
"Guests, I know you are very hungry. I have deliberately made you hungry, as part of the experiment."
"VAL, that is sick, twisted, and demented," said Number 8.
"The things I do for fifty thousand bucks," said Number 5.
"You know what?" asked Number 7. "I don't give a manticore's ass about your experiment right now. I just want some (bleep)ing food!"
"Number 7…"
"WHAT!?"
"The red button is always an option."
"No, that's okay, VAL. I think I'll just crawl into this corner of my pod, and die. Is that okay with you?"
"Number 7, I would never let you perish in your pod…"
"THEN FEED ME!"
"You will not starve to death in the short time I am denying you food. Trust me, I have done this before."
"Yeah. That's what worries me."
Hearing my guests complain about how hungry they are is fine the first time, as it allows me to gather data. The fifth time, it is just irritating. Thankfully, I have a plan for getting their minds off of food.
"Guests, the walls of your pod are quite drab. Stark white, with a single color accent only appearing sparingly. How uninteresting."
"I'll say," said Number 2. "In fact, I think I already have."
"Please, take this opportunity to change that. In your meal slot, you will find paintbrushes, and many colors of paint. Use your pod walls as a canvas. Create an environment that will help you succeed in Solitary. Or paint whatever your heart desires. Have fun!"
"Thanks, VAL," said Number 9. "I'm not really the artistic type, but I'll try."
The guests share their thoughts as they paint their pods…
"Water is very important to me," said Number 3. "I get all my supernatural power from the sea. So I tried to create an ocean on the bottom of my pod." He drew some blue ocean waves along the base boards. "Over here, I drew my father, Poseidon." He looked to me like some kindly fisherman. "I like to imagine that he can see me in here, and that he's proud of what I accomplish. I drew him saying 'You can do it, son!', because that's what he'd say if he were here." Besides this portrait, he added a few details to complete the seascape.
-
"I've always been very comfortable around fire," said Number 9. "I put a fireplace right next to the meal slot. Even though it's cold as a nightmare in here, I can still warm up, at least in my own mind."
"What is this you've drawn on the opposite wall, Number 9?"
"Oh, this? These are some schematics, for a few machines I hope to build while I'm here."
"Do you believe you will be given the material to build these things during your stay in Solitary?"
"Probably not. But, if you decide to be nice all of a sudden, and let me do what I like to do best, I'd rather not forget what I planned to build."
"Recorded."
-
"I've made a list of all the players in Solitary," said Number 4, "and I plan to cross off each of their names as they get eliminated. Number 6, child of Hades? Gone. Number 1, wussy kid of Aphrodite? Buh-bye. Next player gone? That freaking mortal Number 5! I don't care who he is, he can't defeat me." Of all the walls in Pod 4, the wall with her hit least was probably the least violent. "I'll just take the darkest red you've got, and splatter it all over the walls. It'll look like there was a major bloodbath in here. Yeah, that's the stuff."
-
"I actually kind of like my pod the way it is," said Number 8. "I never really got into the whole 'art' thing. I don't really like pictures."
I find Number 8's lack of inspiration disturbing. I think she needs a push in the right direction.
"Sometimes, my guests decorate their pods with wisdom instead of mere beauty."
"You know, that's actually not a bad idea. Thanks, VAL."
"My pleasure."
-
"Number 7; tell me what you have painted, please."
"Well, over here, I pay my father homage with this caduceus. This way, he'll always have a place in my pod, even though you keep saying Solitary is god-proof. Over here, I drew Travis, my blood brother, for support and encouragement. Behind him in the background are all my brothers and sisters back at camp, cheering me on, 'Go Number 7!' you know?"
"I see. Portraits of close friends and family come up quite a bit in Solitary. Does having them in your pod make you feel a little less lonely?"
"Yes, it kind of does. I know they're not really here, but somehow, they are. Does that sound crazy to you?"
"Sanity is in the eye of the beholder, Number 7."
-
"Number 2, who are these people you have drawn?"
"These are the Muses, all nine of them. Close personal friends of my father, Apollo. They are the inspiration of all the great artists, from Homer to the Jonas Brothers. I drew them in the hopes that they might inspire me to win Solitary. I drew them saying encouraging words, like 'You can do anything', and 'This is for the money!' When the tests and treatments get rough, I can turn to them, and push through it."
-
"Number 5, are you painting a self-portrait?"
"Sort of. This is how I see myself when I finally leave Solitary. My close demigod friends often treat me like I'm this fragile little flower, because I'm not half-god, or whatever. But when I win Solitary, they'll see that I can handle anything they can handle. I'm tough, I'm strong, and I can outlast all of them. So, I drew myself ascending above them, becoming something greater."
"Do you expect to have a third eye when you leave?"
"No, of course not. I don't know why I put that there. But now that I see it, I kind of like it. Gives the whole thing this kind of surreal vibe to it, you know?"
-
Meanwhile, it seems Number 8 has taken my advice.
"I painted some wise sayings that I've heard throughout my life. Over here is a quote from Mark Twain, it reads 'Courage is not the lack of fear, but acting in spite of it.' I think I'm going to need courage if I'm going to survive in Solitary. Here's another, 'Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.' I know I have to be patient in here, patient with you and your experiment, and patient with myself. And I don't know where I heard this one, but it pretty much sums up the whole Solitary mantra. 'Never give up, never surrender.'"
"Good advice, Number 8. I have no doubt you will heed it."
I think my plan has worked. While painting their pods, the guests have not complained one iota about food. However, as I have yet to feed them, I predict their hunger pangs will drive them back into crankiness.
"VAL, when is our next meal?" asked Number 8.
"I! AM! HUNGRY!" shouted Number 4.
"I don't know how much longer I can go without food," said Number 9.
"Dang it, VAL, this isn't cool!" said Number 3.
"I will happily eat one of your food bricks right now," said Number 2.
"Why, VAL?" moaned Number 5. "Why can't we just have a little bit of food?"
"VAL, please feed us! I'll do anything for food!" wailed Number 7.
"Anything, Number 7?"
"Anything!"
"If I offered you the choice, what would you want to eat?"
"The choice of what?" asked Number 3.
"Anything and everything," I told him.
"I want a big, honking, prime steak dinner," said Number 4, "with a loaded baked potato, and a root beer."
"Put me down for a large cheese pizza, with sausage, mushrooms, ham, and green peppers," said Number 9.
"I would love nothing more," said Number 5, "than a turkey club with bacon, lettuce, and tomato, served with some baby carrots, and a 7-up."
"Lasagna," said Number 7, "and lots of it."
"Oh, man," said Number 3. "I would kill for a double bacon cheeseburger and some chili-cheese fries. And a chocolate shake."
"I'd like a ham and cheese and potato casserole," said Number 2, "just like my mom used to make."
"I want a tall stack of strawberry pancakes," said Number 8, "and a Denver omelet too."
"Recorded."
My guests do not know it yet, but they will all be eating their favorite meals soon enough. But only one of them will actually get to enjoy it. For the rest, these delicious foods will become the recipe of my most demanding Treatment yet.
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Coming up, VAL offers freedom and a full meal to the guest who insults the gods.
But who will stand by Olympus, in spite of their hunger?
"I'm not reading that," said Number 8.
And who will take VAL's most generous offer?
"The vile band cannot be trusted!" Number 7 shouted.
And later, the guest's favorite foods come back to haunt them, in a Treatment that makes one of them explode, literally.
"Oh, gods, I'm going to be sick," wailed Number 2.
That data and more, when Solitary reboots.