Chapter 45
Lucius was thoroughly unable to shake the feeling that he was two people. He was a cold man who was furious, and that persona seemed to dominate him. It was all that he could show to everyone. Including his dear heart.
And yet at the same time... well, once upon a time he knew he had been a doting father. Part of him wanted to talk to his son, to make a mends. But then the anger came. And then the depression.
Time seemed to pass even slower since he had lost Eliza. Her passing had been so hard to accept as it had dredged up so many memories from when he had lost his wife. When he had seen her there and she had been lying on the bed... When he had known she really was not going to return to him. He had been terrified. And he still was if he was being honest with himself.
For the first time in years, he had been unable to face the idea of going to France. He knew he would not find any joy in the trip. It seemed as if there was nothing to go there for. Not anymore. That had been a family place and yet it felt as if the family was utterly dispelled and they were never going to be together as they were once.
How could they ever be as they were once more?
Eliza was dead. Jane was gone. And Severus...
His heart was a stone weight in his chest and it was pulling him downwards.
-
A red cross marked off another day. Two week, four days and... fifteen hours till he could go back to Hogwarts. Draco did not think he would be so eager to get back. But the thought of the Ravenclaw common room called to him stronger than the Malfoy manor did. The manor was a shell of the place it had been, he thought bitterly.
He thought he would even be glad to see Mandy.
There was a knot in his stomach though. He did not ever remember waiting to run away from his father before. But he did not want to run away from him. He merely wanted to be with the dad he had always known once more. But he seemed to have died when Eliza had. That part of him was apparently gone now.
Since that night when he had asked him to sleep by his side, he had done his best to avoid his father. Lucius had not appeared to have a problem with that. They had lived as the never had done before, and it was not in a good way. Side by side but different lives. How was it that a hug had changed his life so absolutely? He had been showing affection. Not bullying any one.
But still, no matter how much he wanted the past back, the fact was there future had come to this. He had his breakfast by himself, then he read. For lunch he would seek out one of the maids such as Susan or Hannah who had begun working them that summer. They had needed staff and as of yet neither had tried it seemed to him to take the places which had been filled by Jane or Eliza, so he had accepted them. If they had tried to take their places he would have never had accepted there presence in the house. He'd of found a way of getting them out. He was part Slytherin after all.
After he had talked to them he would go out for some air, normally for a fly. He had stopped asking permission to go. He didn't think his father even cared and Lucius had certainly done nothing to the contrary...except. Dinner.
The part of the day he dreaded mainly, but also looked to with something that resembled hope. Hope one day he would go into the dining room and find his father had returned and this cold tyrant he had been living with was gone.
But no. That was not to be the day obviously.
Instead of trying to make conversation as he had tried so hard to do in the early days of summer, Draco sat wondering what it was going to be like to be back with his friends. He knew he had been an unsocial child at times when he had been young but when he had been at school it had been easy for him to integrate into in the end. He looked forward to returning.
Not only that but the castle held another welcome attraction. His uncle Sev. Not that he was really that eager to see him he told himself.
He had not even graced them with his presence on the day of Eliza's funeral. Why had that been? And he had not come to see him once that summer. Another change. He had never done that before.
As it always did when he found his thoughts had wondered to her his throat constricted painfully. He missed her more than he had even estimated he would. She would have been such a comfort to him then if she was still with them. Maybe she would have been able to talk his father round.
He still expected her to be there when he got up some days; to hear her call him her little dragon as she had so many times in the past.
In the past... that was where she was now, he thought mournfully. And she was to take no place in his future. It hurt.
A rage filled him towards his father, why was he being like this? The ache return.
"I'm sorry... dad, I'm sorry." He admitted as he put his cutlery down. Between the thoughts of Eliza and his father, the knot in his stomach had swollen and he did not think he was going to be able to get any more food down.
"I know you are." Said Lucius and Draco swore that he could hear some compassion in his voice. But it did not translate into affection.
Time passed. There was no show that anything was going to change.
"May I go back to my room?"
-
Not even Diagon Alley brought him any joy. All Draco saw when he looked down the street was his uncle and his father together. Memories of happier times seem to pervade him wherever he went…
But as it was, it was just him and his father that year. And they were both walking far enough apart so that there was no chance of them touching by accident. Something neither would have cared about before.
First of all, they went to the robe shop where they got new school attire for Draco. He had shot up over the summer despite everything. He had in fact being growing throughout the year. He was hardly the timid little whip of a boy that he had been before.
After that the two of them went up to the book store. New books would be a new escape for him, thought Draco. It would be most welcome.
"I am going to go to the bank, I'll see you in there. " his father said to him not for the first time that summer Draco found he was relieved, if anything, to be out Lucius' company and he went into the book ship happily alone...
Just to find throngs of people in there. He had hoped it would be less crowded. But then he had not taking into account Gilderoy Lockhart. And two weeks before school begun again.
Heading straight upstairs, he went to find his Potions book before he picked up the Defence one he knew he was going to need. How vain to put your own book on a book list, he thought to himself.
On his way, to the text book section though, he got way laid by the fantasy section. He supposed if he picked up a couple of books that were not strictly for school then his father would not say anything about it. He had never minded him reading that summer and had always allowed him to have books before.
He had been immersed in searching through the books when he had heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see who it was too late.
"Hello Draco?"
Hermione's voice shook as she spoke to him. She had been thinking about him a lot. She did not know how often she had started a letter to him only to tear it up before she had had a chance to send it to him, either because she was angry he had not even said good bye at the end of the year or because she had been worried she was going to get him in more trouble than she already had.
He looked less childlike than he had when they had last been together. He looked as if he was growing up. And it hurt... she didn't know why. He wasn't as friendly as he had been before.
"Hello." He nodded.
He had two books, he thought to himself. That was going to be enough to see him through the term, he thought to himself as he headed towards the stair. If it did not then he had the library.
She did not know why his coldness hurt her so much.
"Please."
But this time, he knew he was not going to be able to comfort her in all good faith.
If he had any chance of making it up with his dad...
He headed down the stairs. All the Weasley's were there. It was as if they had been waiting for him, but he did not want to talk to them as he might have done before. At least that was what he told himself.
He had been about to excuse himself when Lucius came in. Though there was the fear in Draco's heart that his would think he had been consulting with them once more it did not last long as he was sure that the look on his stony face told his dad that was not the case.
Lucius looked at his son before he turned to Weasley's.
Then Draco was forced to watch his father at his foulest.
-
Draco sighed. That was it then. His trunk was packed. He was going to go back to school and he and his dad were still not going to be on speaking terms.
He sighed once more.
Honestly, he did not know how things had got to this. Perhaps it was that he had dreamt his warm childhood. Maybe his father had always been like this.
They had not even been to France. He could not remember a summer when he had not been to the chateaux for a time. It was – it had been – a tradition.
His eyes feel on his desk.
Andromeda's latest letter.
He knew he was not such a good actor that she did not know there was something up with him. He had withdrawn from her and he knew it. As much as he told himself that it was irrational, in fact as irrational as the way his father was behaving towards him, he felt angry at her. It had been Andy who had put the idea in his head that his father had been wrong; she had got the ball rolling. If they had not had that conversation he wondered where he would be.
More than anything else, he knew that he had been in no mood for company since he had been home. The wound in his heart that was Eliza's death throbbed on. He didn't want to see Andy since the funeral. It was all he could do to reply to her letters some days.
No, he had wanted to be alone for a while over that summer. He supposed when he got back to school he would stop wallowing in self pity.
He would be able to pick himself up when he got there; when he had a routine to follow.
He would be so glad to be there.
When he looked back on the way he had been when he was young, he could not help think how naive he had been to think he had had such a great father. He replayed the way that his father had looked at the Weasley's when they had been in the book shop.
When he got back to school, he knew that things were not going to be as they had been between him and them Gryffindor's. He did not want them to be, he told himself. And they were not going to want him when he had just stood there and let his father speak to them as he had. Draco had not even tried to say a word in their defence. It had been wrong and he knew it.
But there was something else that was bugging him. He knew he was unable to say for sure but he could have sworn he had seen his father put something in Ron's little sisters' cauldron. He did not know what it was. Maybe in another time he could have asked what it was but not now. he'd have to figure it out for himself.
All he knew was that he felt as if it was something sinister.
His father was up to something.
He knew it.
He felt it.
-
Lucius felt tight as he walked on to the train station with his son. He tried to remember how he had felt the year before. All he knew was that he would rather feel as he did then rather than how he did now.
Summer was gone and whatever had happened he and his son had not talked about it. There had been some days when he had been so lost in his grief he had forgot what he had been meant to be angry with his son about....
Then he got an image of his son with that girl and –
He sighed.
Was it that important? They had lost Eliza. Surely he should hang out to his son?
Yet the fact remained that summer was gone and it was in reality too late for such thoughts.
"Goodbye father," said Draco formally to him.
"Son." Lucius nodded.
Draco turned, and it hurt Lucius' heart that he did not feel the need to look back as he might have when he had been young. Their relationship between them had changed beyond all recognition. And he knew he had done that.
Little did he know, his son was on a mission. To find Ginny Weasley and find out exactly was going on…
Please review!
Author note: I am so sorry this took so long guys. Uni was busy and then I did NanoWrimo, so I hold up my hands to neglecting FS of late. However, I am now off uni for three weeks now so I aim to get a few chapters up before I go back next semester and plan to get Chapter 46 up before New Year.
Review responses will be with you shortly. I know I normally send them out before uploading the next chapter, however I am going out to lunch now and did not want to wait to upload this any longer. They are at the top of my 'To do list' when I get back in. Needless to say though, thank you all so much for reviewing! You guys know how much it means to me.
Merry Christmas Everyone!