I have asked my guests to retreat to their anti-pods. The anti-pod is where my guests stay when I need to do a little redecorating in their main pod. It is also where the lavatory is located. Every once in a while, I conduct interviews in the anti-pod. I will do this now, to keep their minds occupied.
"Number 5, I noticed you expressed a kind of joy at the prospect that another guest had beaten you. Why is that?"
"Oh, that? Yeah, I know most demigods are dyslexic and stuff. I figured I had an edge over the others, and that I would win in a landslide. Bor-ing! I liked that Number 4 and I finished very close to each other. It would have been cool if he won by a nose."
"Are you saying you would rather have lost this Test?"
"No, VAL. Don't put words in my mouth. I'm just saying it would have been great TV if I had lost that way. I like that I won, that I get to sit this Treatment out, that I get a good meal, and I'm a little bit closer to the fifty thousand dollars."
"Very interesting, Number 5."
-
"Number 4, I noticed that once again, you are beating yourself up over your recent defeat. Care to tell me why?"
"Didn't we already have this conversation, VAL?"
"I thought it might do you some good to revisit it."
"Whatever."
"You have proven to me time and again to be a worthy competitor. Why are you still being so hard on yourself?"
"I have to be hard on myself, if I ever expect to improve. Without motivation to try harder, there can be no progress."
"I think I understand. However, there is a very fine line between healthy criticism and self-hatred, Number 4. I advise you not to cross it."
-
"Number 9, I would like to know what effect Solitary has had on your body and soul thus far."
"I think I'm starting to get used to the cold. And the lack of food. You know, I really thought I was going to die when the food supply was cut, but now, I think I can last another two or three days without food."
"Interesting. Given the choice, would you rather go hungry for another 48 hours, or eat until you vomit?"
"I would love nothing more than to eat myself into a stupor."
"I am glad to hear that, Number 9."
After denying them food for the past cycle, and taking drastic steps to ensure their extreme hunger, my next Treatment should seem like a blessing. But as it wears on, my blessing will turn into a curse. A curse that will make one of them beg me to stop.
I told my six competing guests to return to their main pods. Once there, they found a table and chair set up next to the meal slot. Near the chair was a smallish bucket.
"Oh, wow," said Number 8. "It's the good ol' eat-yourself-sick Treatment."
"What's with the bucket, VAL?" asked Number 7. "I don't like what the bucket implies."
"Alright, finally, we get to eat!" said Number 4. "I'm starving!"
"Guests, I'm sure you all are very hungry. You will be happy to know that I am finally going to feed you. And it's real food too. It is my treat, and your Treatment."
"Best Treatment EVER!" said Number 3.
"I don't know if my stomach can handle it," said Number 2.
"The rules are simple. One by one, I will present you with several plates of delicious food. You will have two minutes to eat the whole serving. If you do not finish your dish in time, you will have to eat another helping. If you feel too full to eat another bite, just push the red button, and quit. If you vomit at any time, your body will have quit, and by extension, you will have quit. As always, the first guest to quit this Treatment must leave Solitary forever."
"All right, let's go!" Number 9 shouted. He clapped his hands enthusiastically, eager to get started.
"You first course is a nice ripe banana," I told them. "You have two minutes to eat the whole thing. Bon appétit!"
The guests wasted no time diving right in.
"I love bananas," said Number 8.
"Bananas are good," said Number 9.
Numbers 2, 4, and 7 also expressed fondness for the first course.
"I never really liked bananas before," said Number 3, "but they're not too bad to start."
I didn't even need to count down the time, they all finished that quickly.
"Please open your mouths, so I can verify that you completed this round."
"AHHH!"
"Very good. Your second course is cheddar cheese and crackers."
Number 8 got the idea of stacking all the crackers, and eating the whole thing at once. The others took their time.
"This really isn't all that intense," said Number 7, "but I know the big pain is coming."
The guests who took their time finished within 90 seconds. Number 8, on the other hand, is still chewing.
"In ten, nine, eight…"
Number 8 started to scramble. She took a drink from the water glass I so graciously provided.
"…seven, six, five, four…"
Number 8's face twisted, as she rooted her tongue around her mouth.
"…three, two, one. Open your mouth."
She did as she was told.
"That was close, Number 8. You almost had to do a penalty round."
"That's the last time I try to take in more than I can swallow," she answered.
"The third course will be a mini cheese pizza, with sausage, mushrooms, ham, and green peppers, courtesy of Number 9."
"Oh, boy," said Number 9. "The other guests are probably not too pleased with me right now."
"Who puts mushrooms on a pizza?" asked Number 3.
"I don't like spicy stuff," said Number 7.
"Commence eating."
Number 9 devoured the pie.
Number 7 bit cautiously.
Number 4 ate quickly and determinedly.
Number 3 decided to pick the mushrooms off and eat them first.
"I figured I'd better get the mushrooms out of the way first, and then I could enjoy the rest of the pizza," he said afterward.
Number 8 took the pizza slowly, but not too slowly.
Number 2 ate rapidly.
All of them finished in time.
"Your fourth course is a small piece of boiled goose liver."
"Say what?" said Number 3.
"Huh. Never had liver before," said Number 2.
"It's just meat," Number 4 told herself. "It's not going to kill you."
"Begin now."
When Number 8 took her first bite, her face soured.
"Yuck! That's so gross!"
She was not the only one who thought so.
"It tastes like solid barbeque sauce," said Number 7. "Disgusting!"
"It's way too rich for my palate," said Number 2.
"It smells funny," said Number 3. "I think it's making me gag a little."
Despite their complaints, they all finished the dish in time.
"Your fifth course is a strawberry pancake, with strawberry syrup and strawberry butter, courtesy of Number 8."
"Oh, thank the gods! Something sweet!" cheered Number 7.
"More fruit," moaned Number 3. "Just what I need."
The guests all ate this breakfast delight quickly and gladly. Except for Number 3, who ate grudgingly. He still finished in time, though.
"Guests, I want you to describe how your body feels right now."
"I'm good," said Number 4. "I've got a pretty fast metabolism. I should last a good long while in this Treatment."
"My stomach is doing flip-flops," said Number 7. "Bananas and liver are two foods that were never meant to be eaten at the same time."
"I don't know how full I am," said Number 9. "I keep thinking the next dish is going to make me throw up."
"The food is coming at me in crazy combinations," said Number 2. "My mouth is on a flavor roller coaster."
"I feel like my stomach is being stretched to its limit," said Number 8.
She is not far off. While on a limited diet of tasteless food bricks, the guests' stomachs have indeed shrunk. This all-you-can-eat-and-then-some buffet will make them expand once again. This is another uncomfortable thing about this Treatment, but what else is new?
One guest who is certainly not uncomfortable is Number 5. When she returned to her pod, she found her reward waiting for her. There was a red and white blanket on the floor, with a wicker basket on top.
"Hey, Boo-Boo, what have we got here? Looks like a pik-a-nik basket ta me!"
"That's exactly what it is, Number 5. Go ahead, open it up."
"I hope there's something good in there!" She opened the basket and took a look inside. "Oh, thank you, VAL! This is wonderful, this is fantastic! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I gave her exactly what she wanted: a turkey club sandwich, with bacon, lettuce, and tomato, a bag of baby carrots, and a can of 7-up. She dived right into it.
"Are you enjoying your meal?"
"Oh, you have no idea! I've always loved this kind of sandwich, but…" She paused to take another bite. "…but now it just tastes so much better, you know?"
"I have heard it said that hunger is the best seasoning."
"Makes sense." She took another bite.
While Number 5 stuffs herself with the sweet taste of victory, the rest are still struggling with my classic gluttony Treatment.
"Attention guests. Your sixth course is a plate of chocolate graham crackers."
Once again, they ate the serving quickly.
"This is so dry," complained Number 3. "And I'm having trouble making saliva." He took a drink from his water glass. "Ho, boy. This is nuts."
I think my guests are starting to feel the negative effects of eating mass quantities. They are starting to slow down.
"Five, four, three, two, one," I counted down. "Open your mouths, please."
Numbers 3, 4, 7, and 9 all finished in time. Numbers 2 and 8, however, still had un-swallowed bits of chocolate in their mouths.
"If you can hear my voice, then you did not finish your meal in time. You will be given a penalty round."
"Oh, gods," said Number 2. "I think I'm going to be sick."
Number 8 mumbled something I cannot translate.
Dutifully, they took their penalty plates from the meal slot.
"This penalty round begins, now."
Number 2 broke his crackers into smaller pieces. Number 8 did the same. They both started shoveling them in as quickly as they could.
"I can't make the same mistake that got me here," Number 2 said about it later. "I have to finish this in the time limit. I can't keep an endless string of penalties down."
"I thought if I paced myself, I could last longer in the Treatment," said Number 8. "Turns out that speed is the name of the game. Holding it down is not enough, you have to eat fast."
"Three, two, one. Open your mouths."
Number 2 and Number 8 had clean mouths this time.
"Penalty round complete. This Treatment will now continue."
Number 8 breathed a sigh of relief. Number 2 groaned in agony.
"Your seventh course is a refreshing glass of lemonade."
"That's good," said Number 9. "Something to wash this all down."
"Before I start the clock, I want you all to take a small sip of the lemonade. You may then expectorate this sip without penalty. Why, you may ask? Consider this sip a fair warning."
"You did something to the lemonade, didn't you?" asked Number 7.
"There is only one way to find out, Number 7."
They all took a small sip, and promptly spat it out into their buckets.
"That's really sour, VAL," Number 3 observed.
"Oh, my circuits! Did I forget to put sugar in the lemonade? How silly of me!"
Number 8 started laughing. "You did that on purpose, VAL, don't deny it."
"Purposeful or not, I have presented you with a glass of unsweetened lemonade. And now that you know exactly what you are getting in to, you have two minutes to drink the whole glass, starting now."
They all started drinking, some faster than others. Numbers 2 and 4 actually tried to chug the whole glass in one breath. And they both succeeded.
"I love lemonade," said Number 2. "I didn't like that it was super sour this time, but it's not like I've never had it that way before."
"I love sour stuff," said Number 4. "On the outside, I'd suck on, like, seven or eight lemon drops all at once. My brothers and I like to see who can stand the sourest candies, and I win every time."
"Recorded."
For the record, they all finished the lemonade in time.
"The time has come for your eighth course, a miniature turkey club, with bacon, lettuce, and tomato, courtesy of Number 5."
"I don't really like vegetables at all," said Number 3. "Especially not lettuce."
"If you do not wish to eat the meal I have presented you, you must push the red button, and say 'I quit'."
"Fine, I'll eat the stupid sandwich."
He did eat the sandwich, and so did everyone else.
"Your ninth course is a plate of powdered donut holes.
"Your tenth course is sliced apples with caramel sauce.
"Your eleventh course is lasagna, courtesy of Number 7.
"Your twelfth course is broccoli with cheese."
"Oh, no!" moaned Number 3. "I hate broccoli!"
"Have you had broccoli before, Number 3?"
"No, not really, and I don't plan to."
"Number 3, you have two options. Either you eat the broccoli, or you push the red button."
"That's not much of a choice, VAL."
"Are you really going to let a silly green vegetable ruin your chances of winning the grand prize?"
"Why do you have to say it that way, like I'm an idiot for giving up?"
"Frankly, if you are not willing to even taste the broccoli, then you are an idiot."
Number 3 flared his nostrils. "All right. I'll eat the stupid broccoli."
"I figured you would."
My guests all ate the broccoli, though; I doubt many of them were actually enjoying it. Number 9 held his nose as he shoveled it in. Number 4 took swigs of water between bites. Number 7 dry heaved at least once while he ate. But they all managed to get it down and keep it down.
"Guests, I thought you might like to know that you have now consumed more calories in 30 minutes than the average human does all day. How does this news make you feel?"
"At first," said Number 8, "I was worried about getting all this food down, and not throwing up. Now, I'm also worried about what all this food is doing to my body."
"All I know," said Number 4, "is that I'm going to need some major detox therapy when this is over."
"I don't think anything you say can make me feel worse than I am right now," said Number 9. "I think my stomach is full to capacity." He patted this belly, and let out a loud belch. "Excuse me. Hey, that feels better."
"I feel sick," said Number 2. "Just sick."
"I don't want to keep at this Treatment," said Number 3, "if I have to eat any more gross stuff."
"My stomach is warm, from all this digestion," said Number 7, "but the rest of me is cold, and I don't like that."
"I am sorry to hear that you are uncomfortable. But not too sorry. This Treatment will now continue with your thirteenth course: a peppermint candy cane."
The guests crunched their way through it.
"It's pretty sweet," said Number 4. "I don't really like sweet all that much."
"Your fourteenth course is a ham and cheese and potato casserole, just like Number 2's mom used to make."
"Yes!" said Number 2. "I knew if I stuck it out, I'd get to my favorite meal!"
"Dang it, VAL!" said Number 3. "When do we get to my cheeseburger?"
"I just hope she doesn't want us to eat a whole steak in two minutes," said Number 4.
"Begin now."
The guests ate methodically. Number 2 ate slowly. He seemed to want to savor every bite. No doubt, it brought him fond memories of home, a happy escape from the pressures and trials of life in Solitary.
"When I took that first bite, I was taken away," he told me afterward. "I wasn't in a pod, pushed to the limit. I was safe, and I was happy."
I am sure Number 2 would rather remain undisturbed in his fantasy. However, I have to bring him back to reality.
"Time's up, guests. Open your mouths."
All the other guests finished the plate. But Number 2 still had uneaten food.
"Hey, no fair! You didn't give me a ten second warning!" he complained.
"Honestly, Number 2? Do you really think you could have eaten what's left on your plate in ten seconds?"
Number 2 didn't answer. I'm right, and he knows it.
"I am sorry, Number 2, but you will have to endure another penalty round."
Number 2 groaned.
"You will have to consume what's left on your plate, plus the entire contents of the new plate in your meal slot, in two minutes."
"I don't know if I can do that."
"Your only other option is to quit this Treatment by pushing the red button."
Number 2 shook his head. "I'm not going to quit."
"Then you will need to start eating…now."
Number 2 picked up the plate, and tilted it toward himself. Using his fork to help, he dumped the remainder of his previous dish into his mouth. Then he went after the second plate. With furor and dogged determination, he shoveled the food in, pausing only momentarily to chew and swallow. In about a minute and a half, he had all the contents in his mouth. He only needed to get it all down.
"In ten, nine, eight, seven…" I didn't get to six, because Number 2 opened his mouth in triumph.
"Amazing. I thought for sure you wouldn't make it."
"Yeah, you and me both."
"How do you feel now?"
"I feel ready for the next course!"
"That is good to know, because this Treatment will now continue."
"Hello, guests. Are you ready for your fifteenth course?"
"Let's go, VAL," said Number 4. "Let's get it over with!"
"Ready or not, here it comes: three miniature chili-cheese hot dogs. You have two minutes, starting now."
Number 3 carefully placed the first dog in his mouth. Sweat dripped down his head. He never knew eating could be so intense.
Number 9 held a half-eaten dog away from his face. He chewed forcefully, and grimaced in pain.
Number 8 held her hand over her mouth and breathed heavily. She doesn't look like she is about to vomit. But I could be wrong about that.
Number 4 chewed with her mouth open. The details of what I saw inside, I will mercifully spare you.
Number 7 chewed and swallowed, then picked up the last dog. He didn't put in his mouth yet. I think he is waiting for his stomach to digest what is already in there.
Number 2 held a half-eaten hot dog a few inches from his face. He moved to take another bite, and then reconsidered. He jumped up from his chair, grabbed the bucket and…he did what humans do when they've eaten more than their stomach will hold.
Afterward, he coughed a couple of times, to make sure he got it all out. With his head hung in shame, Number 2 crossed to the red button. With an angry force, he punched the button, and the quit siren played.
"I quit."
"Number 2, you realize that if you are the first to quit this Treatment, your stay in Solitary will be over."
"I know that. Let it be so."
"Do you think you are the first to quit?"
"I really don't know. I guess the others could still be going. You never can tell."
"You may not be able to tell, but I can. And I will tell you, Number 2, that you…"
"Yes?"
"…are the first guest to quit. Your stay in Solitary is over."
Number 2 sighed. "It was the casserole that did it for me. I knew I should have been eating faster, but I got swept up in it all. One mistake, that's all it is. One little mistake, and I get sent home."
"You sound pretty upset. I remember once you told me you would have no regrets if you lost the fifty thousand dollars."
"That was before; when I thought I would go down giving it my everything. I never thought I'd be sent home over a small goof-up."
"I am sorry you feel that way."
"Then again, I suppose I was pushed to my limit. If the others are still going, they've got a much better metabolism than me. If I didn't puke now, I would have just puked later, and still quit first. I really did give it my all, and it came up short. So what? I'm still me, and I've got a great life to return to."
"It is good that you are so chipper about leaving Solitary. I wish I could say the same. I will miss you, Number 2."
"Ah, I bet you say that to all your guests."
"Yes, I do. And I mean it every single time. Goodbye, Number 2."
"Bye, VAL. You've been great fun to be around."
Number 2 crawled through his pod door. Once again, I shut off the lights in Pod 2. Soon there was nothing but a blinking red button.
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On the next cycle of Solitary…
The remaining guests continue to stuff themselves full. Will anyone else quit? Will anyone outlast VAL?
Then, VAL's next Test tries the guests' bodies as well as their minds. It will take the right combination of smarts and strength to win.
And if you thought a standard workout at the gym was tough, wait 'till you get a load of the next Treatment. It's guaranteed to make another player scream "I quit!"
All this, and more, on the next uplink of Solitary.