God rest ye merry, gentlemen, Let nothing you dismay, Remember, Christ, our Saviour, Was born on Christmas day, To save us all from Satan's power, When we were gone astray, O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, O tidings of comfort and joy – Tidings of Comfort and Joy
Chapter 50
The quiet of the castle reminded Draco how it had been when he was young at home. Though he was not the only Ravenclaw in his house remaining it was a lot less crowded than it had previously been.
He had a chance to sit on the most comfortable seats and browse the book cases that donned there walls having already enjoyed the ones he had brought in the summer.
Over in Slytherin house he was well aware that while Blaise and Theodore had returned to their homes for the holidays Vincent and Greg had not. When he had returned to the castle after he had seen the train pull out it had not been long till they had found him and made it clear that he was more than willing to hang about with him. True, they were not as close as they had been before they had been at school but the gesture of friendship did cause the young Malfoy to smile.
Despite that, he knew the only other people who he could spend time with were the Gryffindor trio who had once got on so well with and while he did not want Harry to feel isolated, neither did he want to compromised his relationship with his dad any more than he already had. He wasn't willing to risk it further.
Predictably, the one who he seemed to spend the majority of his time with was his uncle Sev.
As soon as he had got up on the first day of the holiday he had got up and gone down to the dungeons. Severus it seemed knew him better than he already thought he did because he had been waiting for him and he had been in a clock already.
Together, the two of them had trod the snowy path in to Hogsmeade despite the fact that he was still a second year. He knew that Severus was eager to make the holiday enjoyable for him because he had had a rough time over the summer.
It was strange how the relationship between them had changed over the year though, he thought.
The more that the two of them were together the lets they seemed to discuss his father. He had become an issue between them that they knew upset the other and so they tactfully avoided it.
Draco, inevitably, could not help thinking about him over the holidays though and the things that they had done when they had been together. He knew he should be grateful for the Potions Master. When he saw Harry and what he was going through... he knew he had Hagrid but he did not think it was the same as having an Uncle Sev for some reason.
After all, he had known Sev long before he had come to Hogwarts and they had a sense of shared history.
The two of them had been to Hogsmeade when he had been young but there was something different about doing it when he was a student and he was not meant to be here until the next year. It was as if the two of them were sharing a wonderful prank or something. He was reminded of the way that he had felt when he had seen the trio leaving class. True, his Uncle Sev was an adult but he knew they had a bond between the two of them as well.
As he knew his uncle was in a good mood, on the way back to Hogwarts, Draco started a snow back fight between the two of them. Had any of his other students seen the Potions Master at that moment then he knew that they would have questioned if it was him or if it was someone else under the effect of the polyjuice potion he was that light hearted, (though for a couple of his better shots Draco was threatened, in a rather un-sportmanly way, with detention).
But then he also knew that it was not only Draco who needed a sense of fun in his life. Severus had had precious little to smile about since he had lost the love of his life but the boy by his side had always raised a smile to his face. And for that he truly treasured him.
The next day the two of them played wizards chess and Draco helped Severus brewing in the private lab.
The day after the two of them went for a walk (and for another snow ball fight which was again filled with laughter and quite good shots).
On the fourth day though, order presided as they prepared for Jane's arrival.
The two of them were both looking forward to it, Severus as much as Draco. She was maybe the one woman he could tolerate staying for the holidays. She was going to be staying for an entire week, in Severus's quarters. He had given up his room for her and his guest room was going to be taken by the little man. If it killed them, they were going to piece together some sort of family Christmas.
The ghost of both Lucius and Eliza were going to be over them though.
She came through the fire with a wide smile on her face for her boy though, and as soon as Draco saw her, he jumped into her waiting arms.
"Oh sweetheart," she said as she held on to him knowing that things were no better with his father than the last time they had been together.
"I am so glad you are here!" he said to her as he let her kiss him.
"Welcome Jane." Severus said as he came up with more formality, though not in a totally unfamiliar manner. She leant over and gave him a friendly kiss on his cheek, though not letting go of Draco.
"Thank you so much for asking me!" she said before she turned to Draco again. "Are you ready for Christmas? We are going to have so much fun."
She knew that she spoke to him like he was a child still some times when in fact he was a young man now but she could not help it. He was always going to be a baby to her.
Her baby.
"Yes," he said with great enthusiasm, as they sat down on the sofa. "Sev said I can stay down here for the holidays so we are all going to be together."
"Well that is just great, my darling." She said as she continued to beam.
"Why don't I go get us some tea?" suggested Severus pleasantly. "Then this young man can tell you all about his term – especially the Quidditch game!"
-
As much as he loved Jane and Severus though, being together with them all holiday Draco soon worked out was not going to be easy all of them time.
For one thing he knew that it was harder not to tell Jane things than it was Severus. She had shared so much with him in the past. Once more it was the shared sense of history that bound them. In a way bound all three of them together.
She was also a lot more in tune with him however. They had been together since he had been tiny for a decade and she knew he was holding something back he could tell.
For another thing, he knew that it was harder to write to Tom when he had the two adults watching him all of the time.
But then, perhaps they were both small prices to pay when he was with two of the people he loved most.
However, he did do as he had said in his letter to his father and go to the library too. He knew he should try to get his grades up and he had been, in the least, distracted since he had begun the term with so much on his mind. And having your grades slack when you were a Ravenclaw was somehow different to when you were in another house. It was not only the teachers who got annoyed at you. It was your peers too. You had to live up to the Ravenclaw name.
Sev was of course there to help him with his potions though and he was glad to accept that help though. It was other subjects he had to focus on when he went to study for a while. But when it was so close to Christmas he found it hard to concentrate on his work.
Because he had guests for the first time in years, Severus allowed his quarters to be decorated by Jane. Though he had to say their tastes did not exactly match all the time he was glad there was a tree there once more.
For Jane it was nothing short of a look in for all three of them of 'What if??'
What if Severus had found love and had a wife at Christmas? What if she had a husband? And what if Draco had a mother and a father?
As she put the star on top of the tree Jane turned to Draco. Severus was in the kitchen, making another round of tea two days after she had arrived. "Now are you sure you are ok, my dear? You know you can tell me everything and anything."
Draco nodded. "I know that Jane," he said as he thought of the diary that was hid under his pillow. If he could trust anyone then it was her. But it would be a betrayal to Tom. And he had lost his father when he had betrayed him.
Even if Tom made him bad things at least he had something of understanding with him.
"Really I am ok. It is just I am thinking a lot about dad. Sev said he was in a bad way when you went to see him."
Jane sighed. "I did not want you to know that."
"Jane, it is ok. I am old enough to know what is going on with dad."
"I know that deep down. Only it is so hard for me to see you as you are – nearly a teenager. You'll always be four to me, Draco."
She sighed as she took him into her arms once more. She knew she had to be upfront and straight with him. "He was quite tired and emotional, and I don't think he is very well. But he is going to get better. There is going to come a day when he sees the damage he is doing not only to himself but to you too. And then you're real dad is going to come back. I promise."
He had a look on his face that told her he was getting sick of waiting for him to return and she had to say she had every sympathy with him.
It had been months since they had lost Eliza and though Draco had disobeyed him, they all knew that he did not deserve the treatment he had got.
"I know." He said to her.
"Why don't we go for a bit of a walk?" she said clearly trying to distract him.
"No Jane, that's ok. I have to go and wrap up my presents."
When he had been in the village the other day, Severus had given him money to get some gifts for his friends and Jane. When he had not been looking he had even managed to get a gift for the Portions Master himself though he had been told not to.
He had picked out a pair of soft white gloves for Jane, an emerald scarf for Sev as well as a book on potions he probably already had.
For his father, he had got some chocolate he knew were his favourites as well as a scarf like the one he had chosen for Severus as he had been feeling rather uninspired by the shop and he had been unable to get to Diagon alley.
As for the rest of his money he had got sweets for the lads that he domed with as well as for the four Slytherin lads he had been friends with for so long.
With enough money for three more bags, he felt he could not walk out of the shop without them. Simply writing 'Merry Christmas' on them, later that day he snuck down to the kitchens to get one of the elves to deliver them to the Gryffindor's.
He wished he was able to work out his own head at times. He was not talking to them because he did not want to upset his dad and yet there he was getting them Christmas presents.
He confused himself sometimes.
-
"Merry Christmas sweetie," was the cry from Jane that greeted Draco on the 25th December when he came out of his room.
He had not bothered to get out of his pyjamas before he came out he was glad that neither had Jane or Severus who were both still pyjama clad knowing that Lucius had not been changed before eleven on every Christmas day for a decade. As much as they knew they could not make things normal, at least they were trying to he thought to himself.
"Merry Christmas." He returned.
Despite himself, as soon as he came out Draco could not help but look below the tree as he had when he had been a child and saw that it was flooded with presents and a sack sat next to it.
The sack his father always used for his gifts.
Looking at it, he soon walked over. On top of it was a letter from ... Jane and Severus who had made sure they were up before him, left the room for the kitchen quietly knowing this was a moment Draco most likely wanted for himself.
He wasted no time in opening the letter first, not caring for the gifts his father had left him as much as the words.
Was he here? Had he come?
Dearest Draco – my prince,
May I be among the first to wish you a merry Christmas this Yule tide?
This year I know has been hard. Not only for myself, but for you as well. We have had to face trials I had not anticipated us facing for years and those I did not anticipate at all. In fact, looking back, it has been a pretty poor year to say the least.
That said, if I am proud of one of my blessings, it is you. I know I have not been an ideal father to you over the years. But I do try. And you are maturing into a young man who I look on with great esteem.
As much as I would have enjoyed your company this Yule, I believe you did the right thing staying at school. There is no dragging you Ravenclaw's away, is there? Your grades I am sure going to be more than satisfactory at the end of the year.
I miss you darling boy.
This summer will be different to the last. I promise you.
Written by the hand of your loving father,
Lucius Malfoy.
If he was so damn loving then why had he not come? He thought with frustration.
Draco was torn between delight and upset. Delight that he had got the letter at all. And upset that he knew his father was one, clearly not planning on seeing him at all that day and two, was probably drunk when he had written it.
Yet even he knew the hand writing was bolder than it had been for weeks. And the letter was much more akin to the ones he had got the year before when he had been on good terms with his father.
He had been sitting there for a good while before he heard then door open.
"You ok dragon?" Severus said to him as her came up and put a gentle, paternal hand on his knee.
Draco nodded unsure if he wanted to laugh or cry as he looked at the letter.
He had called him 'prince' again. He remembered he had not said that word to him once in the summer and yet now he was his father's prince once more. He had to be on his best behaviour from here on in he knew.
"We're going to be ok." He said to him with a nod.
"I know that."
But somehow the fact that Draco knew it too made it more real.
The rest of the morning was spent as every other Christmas would be – laughing and exchanging gifts.
Naturally the adults were done a lot quicker than Draco was but they appeared happy enough to sit and watch as he undone all of his – as ever, he did very well out of Christmas
After he was done with his gifts, he went and washed and changed after he had had breakfast. They had breakfast together and then the three of them went on a walk of grounds before they were due in the Great Hall for lunch.
It was odd to have his Christmas dinner with such an odd mix of people, but Draco could not help but think yet the Hogwarts house elves as ever seemed to be on a mission to outdo themselves on every meal they did and as ever they succeeded.
He sat between Jane and Vincent.
He had, of course, wished the Gryffindor's a merry Christmas when he had come in and once more he seemed to miss them more than he had in weeks as he saw the way that the three of them were together.
And yet the thought of the warm letter he had got from his dad that morning kept his strong and he was able to enjoy the meal without thinking about too many of the regrets he had.
Hermione looked over at him as if she had something she wanted to say to him though throughout the meal and at the end before he had a chance to get out of the hall she went over to him.
"I just wanted to say thank you. It was unexpected."
"What was?" He said shrugging.
"The sweets; I know I am not a Ravenclaw like you are but a lot of the time I am credited with having an above average intellect." She said to him.
Reaching out she held his hand for the briefest of moment.
"I just wanted to say thanks," she said before she turned and run out after Harry and Ron.
His shock his head; he did not think he was every going to really like girls. Between her and Mandy he felt as if they were going to drive him mad.
For a while that evening he went up to the Ravenclaw common to see his house mates who were still there but without any only who he knew well being there, it was not long until he was on his way back to Severus.
It was about six o'clock as he walked past the Great Hall only to see a foot coming out of a closet door by it.
Opening it, he was shocked by what he found.
-
"Are they going to be ok?" asked Draco. It was odd these days for him to be in the position when two students had gone to the hospital wing and for him to know for a fact it was not his fault.
He had had no black out. His head had not hurt. He could account for every second of the day. All he knew was he had found Vincent and Greg when they had been asleep in the broom cupboard and he had had to go and find Sev.
The Potions Master returned to his quarters with a baffled look on his face. "It seems that they had had some sort of sleeping potion. Where or when remains unanswered but yes they are all ready coming about from it effects. Don't worry about them dragon, they are going to be fine."
It was not long until he had got his pyjamas on and brought a new book out, yet when he saw The Tales Beedle the Bard on Severus' bookshelf he had been unable to resist getting them off. He had not heard them in so long.
He had begun by reading them to himself but by the time he had got to third tale he found he was cocooned in Jane's arms and she was reading aloud to him as if he was still the child she looked after. If he shut his eyes then he was once more at home.
He had not felt so safe or loved in so long as when she was reading to him. It was a small thing, but he had long ago learnt that it was the small things she did for him were the ones that mattered the most.
Later that evening Jane and fell asleep with her young charge in her arms. She had never done that before but it was not just he who had found at extraordinary amount of comfort in that moment. When she had been reading, Severus had come and sat at the other end of the sofa, and had soon had Draco's feet in his lap. He too, had fallen into dreams as the fire burnt low. Contented spirits and full stomachs generally worked better as a sleeping draught than any potion.
It was this family scene that met the eyes of the blonde man as he snuck into the rooms, guessing that this was where his family had based there Christmas.
Lucius had not drunk so much that day as he had in the past's weeks – he had been able to apparate into the village quite successfully.
His gazed lovingly and regretfully at his son who seemed so small there in the arms of his old governess. Thank god he had employed her all those years before...
He wasn't proud of the way he had behaved of late, towards any of them.
He had been a fool. And he missed all of them. He wanted his brother, his friend and his son back. Tears stung. It wasn't till he heard a small voice that he realized he must have disturbed one of the three people sleeping.
"Father?" a bewildered but hopeful voice asked.
Kneeling down, he put a finger root his lips to tell Draco to be quite. He smiled lovingly at him as a tear fell at last from his eyes.
"Do not wake Jane or Sev. I just wanted to see you."
Slipping out of Jane's arms, being careful not to wake her, Draco took Lucius' hands and led him to the kitchen, where the two of them lost no time in embracing before Lucius knelt down.
"Sh, Draco." Said Lucius as he failed met his son's eyes. "I just wanted to come and see you. I did not mean to wake you that was why I came so late, but – now you are awake, I want you to know I meant what I said in my letter, every word of it." Having pulled back for a moment, Draco leaned towards his father and their foreheads kissed, and the young boy thoroughly enjoyed the first piece of affection he had had from his sire for months. He was not sure he wasn't dreaming. But if that was so then he knew he did not wish to wake up.
"I miss you." He said as his voice shook. He had to know how much he had missed him! How sorry he was and how much he needed his dad back.
"Oh, Prince – I miss you too."
Draco did not care if he could smell the alcohol on his father. He dived into him and shut his eyes. He didn't want to think. He did not want to remember. He just wanted his dad.
"Merry Christmas Draco."
Please review!
Author Note: Well, that chapter certainly had a life of its own – originally in my plan, I don't think there was even going to be such a detailed letter for Draco – certainly no visit – but Lucius rebelled against me here and demanded to see Draco. I think the seeds of his guilt were sown earlier on and he had to visit really. I toyed with the idea of Severus waking up to him being there, but in the end it felt right that it was Draco. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.