Chapter 16: "Useful Information"
The idiot twins came by and peered into my room through the open bars in the top half of the door. I had no idea which twin was which. They were the same height and wore identical clothes. Their voices were the same high-pitched whine.
"She didn't puke! Pay up!"
"Damn! I thought she would have exploded by now!"
The idiot twins sauntered off down the hallway and Nurse Dot appeared in front of my door with a key. The lock turned and she entered.
"Finally woke up from your trance, I see. You've been glassy-eyed all Sunday. You got the care package from the Reverend this morning and you just went into auto-consume mode for the entire day. You just kept shoveling and shoveling and shoveling. You started to look so swelled that I tried to take the box away from you, but you hissed at me like a very large cat. You didn't seem to recognize me at all. I thought it best to keep my distance and just let you continue. Can you sit up?"
"Nope." I swiveled on my back and let my feet dangle over the side of the bed. "Can you help me stand up?"
Nurse Dot came over and pulled me up as I tried to avoid bending my midsection in any way. I waddled into the bathroom and realized that I was going to have to pee standing up - and probably splatter like a man. In my own bathroom. Damn. I lifted the lid, dropped my asylum-issued granny panties to the floor,backed over the pot, and unleashed the torrent. Pity that women don't come equipped with point-and-shoot like men. When I finished and had hitched my granny panties back up with my leg, Nurse Dot came into the bathroom and leaned against the wall. She had some ratty carbon-copied sheets of paper stapled together in her hand.
"What are those?"
"This? Just Twilight fanfiction. I'm done with it if you want it."
I took the sheets and tore the corner with the staple off.
"Now it's toilet paper," I said. I used two sheets to wipe my splatter on the toilet rim. Probably the first time Twilight fanfiction was ever useful for anything. I looked at the floor and heaved a sigh of relief. I had managed to avoid splattering the floor like a man. Nurse Dot had some interesting information for me.
"Our administrator lives completely alone. No housekeeper. Doesn't trust anyone in his house when he's not there."
"Very interesting. And very useful. Does he see anyone outside of work?"
"I don't think so," said Nurse Dot.
"So if he disappeared, it would be days before anyone noticed?"
Nurse Dot put her fingers to her lips. It was obvious that she meant "Yes." I nodded to Nurse Dot and smiled. I waddled back to my bed and dropped on it. It didn't take me long to fall asleep.
End of Chapter 16
This story is based on the characters created by American McGee. EA (Electronic Arts) owns the copyrights.