Knowing You

a "The Time Of Our Lives" story

3. Wanting You

He was writing again. Really writing.

And it felt good. Really, really good.

It had been so long since he'd simply sat down at the small desk in the corner of his room at his mother's loft, and simply wrote anything, let alone something as amazing and exciting as what he was currently writing. She had inspired him, the woman he hadn't known, but now called Kate. She was simply… extraordinary. He had never met someone like her.

After the doctors had released him from the hospital, with instructions on home treatment and care, Castle had thought he might see less of her, now that he was out of the woods, so to speak. But the opposite happened. Captain Kate Beckett would come over for dinner and movie nights. She would take Alexis out shopping, and come back for game night. Somehow—someway—during those three months of recovery, Kate had become a part of their little family. And then when it was just the two of them, they would snuggle up on the couch and talk for hours on end. They were not together, neither had put a label on things, but it was clear that eventually there would be something more.

It was an odd sort of arrangement, but it worked for them.

She told him things, stories about her life that she swore she'd never told anyone else. And he did the same. Day by day, night by night, they grew closer. Until one day, she finally told him the story about the other him… the other Richard Castle. And the doubts began to seep in.

"He knew just how to get under my skin," she told him, staring off into the fireplace as they sat on the sofa, his head resting in her lap as her fingers gently stroked through his unruly hair. "It was annoying as hell. He kept insisting he knew me, that I should know him… that we had some sort of… relationship. I guess… it intrigued me. He intrigued me. It had been a while since any man interested me like he had." She paused, her lips tugging up in a smirk. "He even asked me out. I was so excited about finally going out on a date. It'd been so long. But then it turned out it wasn't a date. I'm almost ashamed to admit just how disappointed I was in that."

He swallowed and closed his eyes, trying to bask in the tender caress of her fingers as she continued telling him about this other Richard Castle, the semi-deranged lunatic from another world who managed to capture her heart in such a short time. How could he, a broken, washed up writer, even hope to compete with that? He would be lying if he said he wasn't envious. Compared to him, this other man had it all: A successful career, an adoring family, and the love of an amazing woman.

Castle didn't have the career he once had, but he did have the adoring family. Since his shooting that side of the equation had improved dramatically. Alexis had moved back to New York and was planning to apply to Columbia, declaring that she would finally get that law degree she'd always talked about getting. And his mother, the Broadway star, now looked upon him with pride, instead of the vaguely hidden disappointment in the squandering of his talent and life.

However, there was still one thing the other Richard Castle had that he wanted. And that was a real, honest relationship with the woman he loved.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked, after gently pushing him up to seating position, looking her directly in the eye.

She knitted her eyebrows together adorably, and pursed her lips, bobbing her head in consent. "Of course, Rick."

"Why are you here?" he blurted out.

Kate gave him a bemused expression. "Um, you invited me over, remember?"

"No, no," he shook his head, attempting to properly rephrase his question. "I mean, why are you here… with me? You're… God, Kate… you're amazing! The youngest woman in NYPD history to make captain! And me… I'm just this broken, washed up, has been. Clearly I don't deserve you, yet… here you are."

She frowned, giving him a pointed look he'd become familiar with over the last couple of months. "You done?"

He nodded, shifting nervously under her gaze. "Yep."

"Okay. That's all just bullshit, you know it," she declared.

"Really."

"Yes. And I think I know what this is really about," she asserted.

"Yeah, and what's that?"

"Him," she said, pulling her feet up and tucking them under her as she turned to face him. She grabbed his hands and stared directly in his eyes. "Look, Rick, I'm not going to lie to you and say I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. But he's not the reason I stayed. You are. Damn it, Rick, I'm here because I want to be with you. I… I care about you. A lot." She sighed, and released one of his hands to brush back some loose strands hair back from her eyes, averting her gaze for a moment. "To be honest, it's never really been about him. He just nudged me in the right direction. Pointed me towards you." She bit her lower lip and glanced back up at him. "I'm in love with you… you… not him."

Castle had no reason to doubt her, the conviction and sincerity in her eyes was enough to convince him. He let out a strangled gasp, the emotion impact of having this extraordinary woman love him almost overwhelming. "Really? You… you love me?"

"Yes," she bobbed her head, not even bothering to hide the tears of happiness in her eyes. "Yes. I love you, Rick."

A smile broke out across his face, and he looked up at her in awe. "I love you, too, Kate," Castle confessed, his healing heart pounding profoundly beneath this chest. "I've been falling in love with you since that day I woke up in the hospital. I know we've only known each for little over three months, but I already can't imagine my life without you in it."

She licked her lips and her eyes flirted down to his. "I feel the same. I don't want him, Rick. I want you. I… I just want you."

Gently, he untangled their clasped hands, and reached up to cup her face in his palms. He caressed her cheeks with the pad of his thumbs, and gazed into those gorgeous eyes that had intrigued him so much from the start. And then he kissed her, slow and tender, taking his time to explore the sensual curve of her mouth. Kate closed her eyes, and leaned into him. A delightful little sound rose up from her throat, and he moaned in reply. Her hands moved up to cradle his face, her fingers carding tenderly through the short strands of hair along the back of his head. She was the one that deepened the kiss, rubbing their noses together as she nipped at his lips and jaw, caressing the shell of his ears as she pulled him closer.

Afterwards, they cuddled together on the sofa, staring lazily at the burning embers of the fire, occasionally stealing a few more kisses. They didn't go any further that night. He was still recovering, and his doctors had advised against any strenuous activities, a point they had emphasized by casting a strong look in Kate's direction when they'd said it. But for now, this was enough. Knowing she loved him, and that she wanted him was enough.

And it inspired him. So now, when she had to be at work, Richard Castle found himself writing about a different her, with a different name. Nikki Heat. She'd probably hate the name, but he was positive that after Kate read part of his manuscript for Heat Wave, which borrowed plot elements from some of the cases she had told him about from when she'd still been a detective, she would come around.

After all, he had recently discovered that Captain Beckett was a closeted Richard Castle fangirl.