AN: Hey guys I'm back! I know I haven't been posting lately but I have sorta been falling in and out of depression… But enough of my sob story and back to my actual story.
Disclaimer: As always I wish I was but no way in hell will I ever be VRoth.
Tris POV:
Shit shit shit. That is the only word running through my head right now. My arms immediately fall to my sides and my eyes look up to see their horrified faces. I run out of the now silent cafeteria trying not to cry from complete humiliation and sorrow. I find myself behind the school by a large tree with an old swing attached to the branch. I gently place myself on the swing making sure it's stable and sob.
Why couldn't I have been more careful? How could I be so clueless? Now everyone's going to laugh at me. Everyone's right, I am stupid. I suddenly remember the hate page and pull out my cracked iPod.
I once again look up the hate page to see it now has just over 200 followers and a picture of me running out of the cafeteria. The caption reads 'You're a coward and a bitch. Cutting yourself to get attention you know you'll never get... Pathetic. Do us all a favor and cut even deeper next time'. Then underneath that are comments all agreeing.
Just as I am about to put my iPod away I come across four comments that catch my eye. The first comment by _Four_4 'Hey back off! Your calling her a coward when your creating a hate page and you don't have the courage to say all of this false hate to her face... If anyone's pathetic it's you'.
The second one by Chrissy_101 'Lay off jerk she's most likely to have been through hell and back so who are you to assume things. Lay off beotch!'
The third by Zekey_bear 'Who are you to talk about a coward when you know exactly who the actual coward is... You!'
Lastly the final one by Uri4_ever 'Back off! No one wants to hear your bullshit but the actual cowards behind this shit!'
I start to cry because no matter how many times they tell me this I will never believe it. Why do they try so hard?
I don't deserve this... this love I guess you could call it. I vigorously wipe away any tear stains on my face and walk into the music studio inside of the music class room.
Since Peter is pissed off at me as usual he's making me walk to my "house" so I have some free time on my hands. Once I'm in the recording studio I press record and start to walk to the piano prepared to play.
"You're the first face that I see
And the last thing I think about
You're the reason that I'm alive
You're what I can't live without
You're what I can't live without
You never give up
When I'm falling apart
Your arms are always open wide
And you're quick to forgive
When I make a mistake
You love me in the blink of an eye
I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you
You're the light inside my eyes
You give me a reason to keep trying
You give me more than I could dream
And you bring me to my knees
You bring me to my knees
Your heart is gold and how am I the one
That you've chosen to love
I still can't believe that you're right next to me
After all that I've done
I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you
I don't deserve a chance like this
I don't deserve a love that gives me everything
You're everything I want
I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
You take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you
And I don't deserve you"
Tears silently run down my face as I slowly remove my hands from the black and white keys. I can't remember how I learned to play piano or how I learned to sing and I might never remember. It's times like these that hurt the most. The wonder the curiosity of what could've been. I could be at home with my family laughing at all the happy memories that I can't remember with Caleb. My brother that I just barely remember.
I lay my head on the piano and sob. I sob and release all the pain and hurt that has been inflicted on me from the past years that caused my depression. I sob until a warm hand lands on my shoulder making me freeze and stop crying almost immediately.
I look up to see the sea blue eyes of Zeke I believe his name was. His hand cups my cheek and he quietly asks, "Who are you?"
"I don't know. I don't know."
I check the time on the clock on the wall and know I will be getting an immense beating tonight. I gather my iPod and stop the recording before rushing out the door. I run to the place I'm forced to call home and open the door to see Marcus and Peter. Marcus holding a belt, Peter holding a small package in his hands that I assume is a condom.
When I see Peter holding the package wearing a smirk I fall to the ground in sobs yet again.
"No! No! No Please Marcus you can't do this to me please!" I screech and plead with no avail. I continue to plead while Marcus drags me across the floor and throwing me into the wall like a rag doll. I groan in pain and Peter comes towards me crouching down slapping me in the face multiple times until Marcus pushes him aside saying, "Enough boy!".
Marcus then forces me to stand on my feet stripping me of my clothes and undergarments. He throws me onto the couch and begins to beat me each whip more agonizing than the last. I try not to scream for help as his whips are put down on me with more force.
"Shut up you bitch! Your parents left you on that curb because you were a disgrace! You deserve more than the punishment your receiving."
Marcus then takes out a condom of his own and I start to screech.
"Please don't know Marcus please! PLEASE!"
He pushes me over on my stomach and puts his hand on my mouth muffling my screams. Then all goes a blur.
******TIME SKIP*****************************TIME SKIP******
I wake up in the morning on the floor surrounded by my own blood sore, tired and extremely unfed, well more than I already am. I urge myself to stand up wincing with every step towards the mirror in the bathroom and brace myself for the horror.
I look into the mirror to see I have a black eye and bruises covering my frail body. My eyes carefully trail down my body and land on my chest where a hand shaped bruise cups my breasts. Lowering my eyes to my toned yet small stomach I have the words "ALONE" written on my side. Written deep enough to leave a scar. The worst part is I don't have any make up to cover up the bruises on my face or my black eye along with my cut lip.
My eyes daringly travel to my bare legs where once again my thighs are covered in bruises and I see the scars that I had inflicted on my self are now traced over and bleeding. This is done as well to my wrists. The almost faded scars that once laid on my wrists and forearms are cut over once again and bleeding.
I tear my eyes from the mirror and carefully grab the items I need to clean myself. I turn on the shower to a very hot setting and begin to slightly dab my wounds and wash my hair.
Once I finish showering I find some gauze to wrap my cuts so they don't unexpectedly begin to bleed. I then rewrap my self in the towel and walk into my room. I find some black leggings and wear a red skirt on top with an over sized black over the shoulder t-shirt with a hood. I lace up my combat boots and put on an under shirt underneath the shirt. I lastly put on my red and black beanie then I put my nose and multiple ear piercings back in then, once again carefully walk out the door trying to avoid Marcus and Peter.
I begin to walk to school kicking rocks and pebbles as I go. I left the house pretty early to avoid Peter and Marcus so I have plenty of time to be with my thoughts. When I arrive at school I sit in front of the school staring at the sky praying to meet my brother. Maybe if I became friends with those people I can manage to find my way out of that hell I call a house. I first need to get some answers from Four though that explains why he looks like Marcus. I intend to find out why and believe me I don't give up easily.
AN: Hey guys. Like I said in the authors note above I have been repeatedly falling in and out of depression and school drama is definitely not helping. Sometimes I seriously wish google had all of the answers to all of my boy problems… :D If you guys need anything even advice please feel free to PM me I might be able to relate or I would be happy to try! Don't forget to follow my instagram account olivia_nicole2002!
Review goal: 30!