I sit alone and try to shed this skin that I live in
Trying to clear my vision once again
Rattle Snake Smile ~ Christian Kane
Nate came outside and watched Eliot pace back and forth in front of the cars. He understood Eliot was trying to calm down but he also knew that Katie needed him right now. There was only so much Nate and the rest of the team could do in this situation. When she withdrew to a locked bedroom to get away from Sophie trying to comfort her, Parker picked the lock but Katie refused to talk to anyone.
"I know it doesn't feel like it, but knowing about this man is a good thing," he called out to Eliot, walking down the stairs.
Eliot stormed back over and faced him. Nate froze when the hitter held up his hand but he was pointing to the cabin, not preparing to hit him.
"This man targeted her five years ago! And because she's a good person, she didn't know any better. She broke up with him because of the way he treated people. She trusted him! He used her goodness against her. He probably killed John. And he took everything from her and then tried to kill her!" Eliot seethed. "Tell me Nate, how is that a good thing?"
"Because she has you!" Nate yelled in response. "Her brother trusted you to protect her because he knew you would. He knew you could do what he couldn't do. You said it yourself. Her family was good people. And normally, good people are the ones that end up the victims. But John knew you could do what he couldn't."
"What? Kill the fucker?"
"No! Turn this around so that being good isn't a weakness anymore. He could have killed him or hired someone to do it, but decided to handle it his way. You were the backup plan if being good and honest wasn't enough. He trusted you with something he valued more than anything else – Katie. He knew you were good enough to take care of her but willing to step over the line to take this scum down. And you will," Nate replied.
Eliot took a deep breath but didn't relax a bit. Nate could see his inner struggle so he said exactly what Eliot needed to hear, to remind him that he wasn't just a killer sent to put this guy down. He calmly explained, "Right now, Katie needs to see that her brother wasn't wrong to trust you. That she isn't to blame for his death. She said the first night – you're all she has. We can help you but you're the one she needs to reassure her that there is a reason to hope. Or she's going to end up like her brother. Dead or crawling deep inside a bottle wishing she was. Trust me. I know what hopelessness will do to you."
Eliot's expression was one of total misery. Rage showed in his stance and expression but his eyes reflected the overwhelming pain he was feeling. "How can I give her hope?"
"She loves you, Eliot," Sophie said from the doorway. "She cannot lose anyone else she loves. But you cannot cross that line where you forget what this is all about."
"If I kill this man, she's protected and I get her the revenge she needs," Eliot argued.
"No, it's not about revenge. It's about justice and knowing that she can trust someone again even after such a betrayal. That she can trust herself. Her family tried to protect her all her life. If you kill him, you're protecting her from one man," Sophie insisted. "Who's going to be there to protect her from the rest? She needs someone who can restore her faith in herself."
"I can't do that!" Eliot yelled. "That's not what I do!"
"Yes, you can. But if you won't, John's death, losing her house, the money, everything else will be in vain because the man that took it all away, wins." Sophie held out her hands and shrugged. "If you don't have faith in yourself, he's already won. You might as well walk away now for all the good you'll be doing her. She doesn't need to see you kill him. She needs to see the goodness inside you triumph over him."
Sophie waited for a moment then walked back inside.
"She's right, you know," Nate added.
Eliot ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the sky. "What's your plan?"
"Hardison is already working on gathering intel on this guy. We're going to steal her money back. If that's all he was after, we're going to take it away from him. Then when he has no ground left to stand on, we'll going to make his worst nightmare come true and hand him to the mob on a silver platter. With them, this isn't personal – they just want someone to pay."
Eliot resumed pacing a bit before he cooled off and Nate just let him burn the energy. He knew that younger man had heard what he and Sophie were saying and, even if he didn't like it, it made the most sense. Eliot would do the right thing, Nate was sure.
oOooOo
Katie got off the bed and grabbed her makeup bag so she could go brush her teeth, closing the bathroom door behind her since Parker was still in the bedroom. She looked in the mirror and was disgusted with herself, she turned away to find a washcloth. Her hands were shaky. After she washed her face, she unzipped the bag accidentally dumping half the contents into the sink.
"Dammit," she muttered, picking things up and throwing them back in. She saw the ring sitting in the sink and stopped cold.
She stared at the ring for a few moments. It was a beautiful two carat diamond and platinum Tiffany's ring; every girl's dream engagement ring. And it made her feel sick. She picked it up, barely looking at it, and wondered why she had kept it. Thomas had insisted, of course, thinking he'd change her mind. But she knew she would never do that. Yet she held onto the ring, just to avoid making an awkward situation worse. He'd begged her to stay, pleaded actually. He called her non-stop until she was forced to change her number to get any peace. John had even tried to convince him to leave her alone, threatened him.
Now she knew why. He needed the money. It wasn't heartbreak – it was desperation. She was just the key to her bank account. Thomas needed it badly enough to kill. But he didn't kill her, he killed John. She clutched the ring tightly, the diamonds digging deep into her palm. But the pain in her heart was so intense she didn't feel anything else.
Except rage.
It crept in slowly invading her like some kind of sickness. She felt like she had a fever and she physically hurt, her chest so tight she could barely breathe. Her heart raced and she began breathing heavy.
Visions of her time with Thomas flashed in her mind: the first time they met, their first kiss, his proposal…the first time he met John. Remembering how desperate Thomas was to win John over and how he begged her to stay when she broke off their engagement was too much for her. Something inside her snapped and she smashed her fist into the mirror, striking out at the person who once thought she loved her brother's killer: her. This was all her fault. She might as well have killed John herself.
Katie didn't notice the mirror breaking or the shards opening up her hand and felt nothing when she slammed her fists into the wall. She tore the medicine cabinet open, throwing the contents from it, then ripped the shower curtain down. She needed to destroy something before she destroyed herself.
When strong hands grabbed her, Katie swung around trying to push the person away. She didn't even notice who it was at first - she didn't care - she just had to escape. The fight or flight instinct kicked in and she struck out at Parker. Screaming in her head, she didn't even notice that she barely let a sound escape from her lips. The rage inside her drove her to push the other woman halfway across the room and strike at her when she grabbed her again, harder, tighter. The more Parker tried to restrain her, the madder she got but she couldn't escape the other woman's grasp.
As the two woman crashed down so that Parker pinned her on the floor, Katie's only thought was that she had to find Thomas and kill him before this rage destroyed her.
oOooOo
Eliot showed Nate to the second bedroom and Sophie to the smaller room. Since it had bunk beds it made the most sense to put the smaller women in there than having Nate or Hardison's feet hanging off the end of the beds. He put the box of jewelry back in the safe, staring at the cash for a few moments.
"Why didn't you just call me, you fool?" he muttered to himself before shutting the safe again and swinging the painting back into place.
Hardison seemed to be content sleeping on the couch but he didn't see Parker anywhere. Concerned, he shook Alec a few times to wake him up, "Where's Parker?"
"I think she's in your room," the hacker said before rolling over.
Eliot left him and went into the master's bedroom, his father's former room, on the other side of the house. He was surprised to see that John hadn't touched this room at all. Apparently he didn't spend the night here when he had been there. Country music was playing on an old clock radio. Turning, he expected to find Parker sitting in a chair or something watching over Katie but both women were gone. Panic surged through him and he started to run back down the hall before he heard a sound in the bathroom.
He walked in and found a bloody mess, literally. Katie was sitting on the floor and was rocking back and forth with a look that said she wasn't all together there right then. Parker had her hands wrapped around a towel on Katie's hand and he could see the blood seeping through. The mirror on the medicine cabinet had been shattered, huge chunks of it all over the floor along with everything that had probably been in the cabinet, and the shower curtain had been ripped down. Blood was the walls, floor, and everywhere else including Katie.
Parker glanced up at him nervously and he could see some of the blood on her face and shirt as well.
"What happened?" He didn't move because he wasn't sure how Katie would react and Parker would end up being between them if he did.
"I heard the mirror break and tried to stop her before she got hurt. I think she thought I was going to hurt her or something," Parker explained but her eyes said more. She was protecting Katie from hurting herself and in the process had gotten hurt as well. He couldn't believe this had happened and no one heard the noise!
He took a deep breath and counted to ten before he asked, "Was she trying to hurt herself?"
Parker shook her head but didn't explain. He'd have to ask her questions later. Right now she seemed unwilling to answer them in front of Katie and he needed to see how seriously she was hurt.
"Katie, sweetheart, let me see your hand," he said but Parker's eyes grew wide as she quickly shook her head. It was then he realized that her leg was across Katie's, like she was holding her down. She tensed up as she watched Katie's face closely.
"Eliot is here." Her tone of voice was one he'd never heard Parker use before. It was very soft and quiet and completely monotone, like she didn't want to startle Katie. He put his hand over his mouth as he stepped back. Closing his eyes, he tried to calm down as he felt the fury building inside him again. Any other time he would have punched something but he didn't want to freak Katie out further.
When he opened his eyes she was shaking her head, still staring at nothing. Parker glanced from Katie to him and he realized she was trying to signal him to leave the room. His eyes narrowed and Parker gave him a glare that made it clear that she thought she knew best at the moment.
He tightened his jaw and said, "I'm right outside the door." Backing away, he stepped back into the bedroom. He didn't know what to do, so he sat there and listened to Parker. But she talked so softly he couldn't hear what she was saying.
Eliot pulled his phone out of his pocket and texted Hardison to come in here. He didn't want to deal with Nate and Sophie right now. Hopefully Hardison would wake up. He heard him stumbling down the hall. Before he could say anything, Eliot put his fingers to his lips. Now intrigued, Hardison walked quietly over to the door, glancing in.
Hardison almost stormed into the bathroom before Eliot stopped him, dragging him to the other side of the room.
"Are you just going to stand there? She's hurt!" Hardison whispered angrily.
Eliot glared and snapped back, "They wanted me to leave. I'm not sure what happened but I think Katie tore up the bathroom and Parker stopped her. She had to subdue her from the looks of things."
"Is she trying to kill herself?"
Surprised, Eliot stared at him. "I…don't…I don't know." Frankly, he didn't want to think about it.
The two men walked back to the doorway and attempted to listen. They still couldn't hear Parker but after a few minutes they heard Katie's anguished response.
"You don't understand! I slept with him."
Eliot bounced his head back against the wall wishing he could beat his own ass. Halfway into the thought, he saw Hardison waving at him like he'd gone mad, signaling him to listen again.
"I slept with him. He made love to me. Don't you see? My brother's killer had his hands and mouth all over me and he was inside me…oh God, I'm going to be sick."
When he heard retching sounds coming from her, Eliot had to walk away. He heard Hardison come up behind him but he didn't say anything. He swallowed hard, gasping breaths of air, trying to smother the rage that he thought would choke him. Before he could stop himself, he put his fist through the wall; the temporary release of the fury barely soothing him.
"Keep it together. She doesn't need to see you punching your hand through something, too," Hardison said, putting his hands on his shoulders. "Let's go outside, walk it off."
Eliot grunted and shook his head.
"Parker's got this, all right?"
Eliot turned around and whispered back, "She won't know what to do, what to say. This is Parker we're talking about."
Hardison looked at him strangely. "Do you not remember what Parker did at the orphanage?"
"Those were kids. Unless you're telling me she's been…" he couldn't even finish the sentence.
"Violated?" Hardison replied and Eliot growled and had to take a few breaths to prevent himself from shoving his friend through the wall. "That's what this is about you know? What happened to Katie was more than a violation of trust – he victimized her to the point where it's almost like rape. And no, I don't think that Parker has been sexually violated but when she was a child, her trust was violated in an equally vile way by the man she trusted most. So yeah, she can relate and she's probably the only one here who can."
"Eliot?"
Looking at the door, he saw Parker signaling him over. She stepped back in the bathroom and he followed. "I think she might need some stitches."
Eliot approached Katie carefully. She seemed completely out of it but he didn't want to startle her. Turning to Parker, he said, "Can you ask Hardison to get me the first aid kit? I'd like you to stay with me."
"Sure." She looked exhausted and he felt bad that he'd never thought of Parker as having the emotional ability to do something like this. She constantly surprised him.
"Hey, Parker?" He grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly. "Thanks."
She nodded and went to talk to Hardison. He waited until she returned to approach Katie. When she did, he finally closed the distance between them and knelt down. Mirror glass crunched under his boots and Katie looked at him guiltily.
"I'll clean it up," she whispered, reaching for a piece of glass.
"No, it's okay. I'll clean it up in a bit. Right now I need to see your hands," he reassured her. Her left hand was cut on the knuckles mainly, nothing too serious though. He tried to pry open her fist and she reluctantly opened it, revealing a diamond engagement ring.
"Take it. Please. I don't ever want to see it again," she whispered, dropping it like it had burned her.
Eliot picked it up and handed it to Parker. He knew it was worth a lot of money and he'd get someone to sell it for her so she could at least have the money. He noticed the diamond obsessed thief barely glanced at it before pocketing it like it was something disgusting.
Carefully, he pulled off the soaked towel off her right hand, which was covered in blood. Most of them were smaller cuts across her knuckles but there was a long open gash running from the center of the side of her hand down almost to her wrist. He grabbed a clean towel and continued to check for injuries. Her feet were bare and she had a few cuts on the bottom but none serious enough to need stitches. She had a bruise and small cut on her forehead.
"Did she hit her head on the tub or sink?" he asked Parker.
"I don't think so. I think that happened when I was trying to stop her. I might have done that," she replied.
"She didn't mean to," Katie quickly defended her.
"I know she didn't. I just need to make sure you don't have a concussion and I was afraid you hit it on the tub or something." Eliot attempted to smile lightly at her.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make such a mess." Huge tears began rolling down her face. "I think that's all I can do lately is make a mess of things."
"Katie, what happened to John isn't your fault."
"He was after my money and killed my brother, because I was such a fool and let him into my life. I don't even want the money," she whispered.
Eliot sighed. He wasn't sure how to explain something like this when she's in this state. "Listen to me. He's a scumbag and we're going to take him down. This is not your fault. Now let me help you up so I can get you cleaned up."
"No, just leave me alone. You don't understand." Katie began pushing him away and he could tell she was on the verge of losing it again. When he held her firmly, she tried to push him away even harder.
"No! You know I won't hurt you but I'm not going to let you hurt yourself either!" Eliot held her tightly and lifted her to her feet.
"I'm not trying to hurt myself! I want to kill him! I've been never wanted to kill someone before. He's living off my money, the money that he murdered my brother over. I want him to pay for what he did! He took everything from me! Don't you get that?" she screamed.
"I do. Believe me I do. But you're not a killer. Do you want to end up like me?"
"Yes! At least then no one will take advantage of my stupidity ever again. I never want to be a victim again! I'm tired of being weak and even caring about people!" she yelled, shoving him away from her.
Eliot grabbed her in a bear hug even as she fought against him. She needed to get this rage out, even if she had to take it out on him.
"I hate you! Let me go!" she screamed, beating her fists against his chest.
"No, Katie. It's not me you hate," he said, loud enough that she could hear but as calm as he could.
Eventually she stopped hitting him as hard, each blow hit home with less intensity. She said in between sobs, "I…hate…myself…for letting…this all happen."
"Sweetheart, you didn't let this happen." Eliot put his hands on her face and tilted it to look at him. "Stop blaming yourself. You couldn't protect John or prevent his death. He chose to handle it the way he did. You didn't know there was a problem."
"If he had just told me what was going on, maybe I could have helped. Why didn't he trust me?" The sorrow in her eyes was like a knife in his heart.
"It wasn't a matter of trust. He did it because he loved you. He didn't want you hurt. He didn't come to me either, but I think it's because he didn't realize how bad these people really are. Don't blame him or yourself. Blame the motherfucker that did this to you. But I swear to you, we're going to help you get justice."
"I want revenge."
"No, darling. You're not going to sink to his level." Eliot brushed her hair away from her face. 'Retribution often means that we eventually do to ourselves what we have done unto others.'
'It is in justice that the ordering of society is centered,' Parker whispered from the doorway.
Eliot turned and glanced at her, a little smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. She shrugged. When he turned back to Katie, she seemed calmer so he brought her to the sink and helped her clean up her hands.
Parker went and got a broom, but Eliot took it from her, leaning it against the wall. "You've done enough. Are you hurt?"
"No, her blood," Parker wiped at her face half-heartedly.
"Why don't you get some sleep?" he suggested.
She frowned. "I'm wide awake now and…hungry."
They had driven through the night so it had to be close to eight in the morning. "We didn't stop and get any food," Eliot said. "But the markets should be open by now."
Grinning, she left the room and he heard her telling Hardison they were going shopping.
"I'm sorry," Katie whispered. "I didn't mean it when I said I hated you."
"I know. Stop apologizing, I'll start to get used to it." He kissed her lightly on the forehead before leading her into the bedroom. After she sat on the bed, he began pulling things out of the first aid kit. "I can use Steri-strips on this instead of sutures."
Katie watched him silently. Her energy all seemed spent. Eliot got a washcloth and she cleaned up the dried blood she still had on her, while he put a bandage on her forehead. Then he went down the hall to grab their bags.
"Do you want me to leave while you change?" he offered, not wanting her to feel uneasy. He wasn't sure if what Hardison said about her feeling sexually violated was true or not but he wasn't going to risk upsetting her.
She shook her head and let him help her take off her shirt and jeans. She had quite a collection of bruises on her. He guessed Parker subdued her pretty firmly, but as Katie pointed out, she did bruise easily.
"I want your shirt," she said quietly. He didn't ask why, just removed his shirt and handed it to her. "It's soft and it smells like you," she explained when she put it on.
"Smelling like me is a good thing?" He grinned, then ran his hand gently through her hair. "Are you okay now?"
"I'm so tired. I'm just…so so tired."
He wrapped her hand in gauze then looked at her for a long time. "Promise me something," he replied, sliding closer to her.
"What?"
"You won't try to hurt yourself like that again. I know you're upset but I need you to promise me you won't…"
"I wasn't trying to kill myself or anything, if that's what you're thinking. I was mad. I didn't mean to break the mirror. I just lost control." She tried to shrug it off but she looked down in either guilt or shame.
"I understand. But I need you to promise me it won't happen again. You won't do anything that ends up getting you hurt." Eliot put his finger under her chin, forcing her to face him.
"One condition," she answered.
"What?"
"No matter what, you won't get yourself killed. Even if it means that I end up in jail or Thomas gets away with the money." Her eyes pleaded with him and he prayed he didn't break this promise, fearing how she'd deal with that.
"I'll promise if you do," he answered and she nodded.
"I promise. Let me go clean up the bathroom," she started to get off the bed but he wouldn't let her.
"No, you go to sleep," he insisted.
"I don't want to sleep alone." She grabbed his hand.
Eliot bent over and kissed her tenderly. "Are you sure? I can sleep in that chair so you're not alone. Or Parker can sleep in here with you."
She shook her head. "I just want to sleep in your arms."
Kissing her again, he ran his hands down her back, allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck. With a faint smile, he said, "Let me sweep up the glass so you don't cut your feet then I'll come back."
She lay back, putting her head on the pillow, and watched him until he finished. He took off his t-shirt and jeans, grabbing a pair of shorts before tossing the bag on the floor. He got a blanket that had been in the van, not knowing how long it'd been since the linens in the cabin had been washed. He'd deal with that later.
Katie curled up around him, resting her head on his chest, over his heart. He had forgotten how good it felt to be this intimate with someone. Cuddling wasn't exactly his thing. He rarely spent the night with anyone: too many strings attached plus that awkward moment in the morning where he had to lie and say he'd call her or something. Occasionally, Parker would fall asleep in the van or at Nate's and use him as a pillow, but it was so platonic he didn't count that. But this was nice, comforting. Stroking her hair, he felt a sense of peace wash over him and realized he'd needed this as much as she had.
Before she fell asleep, Katie whispered, "I love you, Drew."
"I love you too, Katydid." He didn't realize he'd said it until it was out of his mouth.
It had seemed so natural, even when he called her by her childhood nickname and she called him by his birth name. Like Sophie had said earlier, he wasn't sure what this meant but he knew they did love each other. He tightened his embrace around her listening to her soft rhythmic breathing.
Quotes:
'Retribution often means that we eventually do to ourselves what we have done unto others.'
Eric Hoffer
It is in justice that the ordering of society is centered.
Aristotle