Chapter 1: What a Mother Knows
I knock loudly against the rough oak wood door of the village hall. The rain is pouring down in torrents and despite my wet weather gear I already feel soaked to the bone. I stamp my feet a few times as I hear footsteps hurrying to the door. It's opened by a short round faced man with greying hair. He looks in surprise as he recognises the insignia of the Scout Regiment on the uniforms of myself and my two companions. "Oh, good evening sirs," he says in the usual country accent. "What brings you to Granarber this night?"
"For now," I reply, "just a need to get out of the rain. We're on delicate business for the military."
"No one in trouble I hope," says the man as steps back to allow the three of us entrance.
"Nothing like that old man," says my tall male companion Victor. "The situation is complicated but you can rest assured we're not here to make any of your villagers mysteriously disappear."
"Well, I should hope not," says the small man with a laugh. "Life's very quiet around here up in the north. Many of our people are poor refugees from Wall Maria five years back. But I shouldn't be talking of such things now. We have a village dance on tonight so everyone's here. I'm normally the landlord of the inn Arnold McArthur. Tonight I am the provider of refreshments. If you'd like to follow me I'm sure there's a few free seats somewhere where you can take the load off your feet."
"Thank you," I say, "that would very nice."
He leads us through a small anti-room and out into a large hall. The walls are a simple smooth creamy colour and the floor is made of boards. There's the occasional window set into the wall but these are all covered by drawn curtains. The middle of the room is clear of furniture and several couples are dancing while three young men play instruments at one end of the hall. The man points us to a small table with three chairs and we all take a seat. He bustles off to attend to another table, promising to be back soon.
"I haven't been in a place like this for seven years now," I reminisce. "I'd forgotten how warm and comfortable the atmosphere was."
"Well, it certainly is, rustic," agrees Marion my other companion, who is eyeing the simple interior with some level of distaste. Marion and Victor are both senior Scouts from the 2nd Company. They've been assigned as my protectors, but I know that handlers might be nearer the mark. They're kind enough to me most of the time. I still catch them staring at me in an odd way though. I don't really blame them for mistrusting me; after all, I have the ability to transform into one of the creatures that's killed dozens of their friends over the years. Their job is to keep me from falling in to the wrong hands, but also to try and contain me should something go wrong. They were handpicked by Commander Erwin specifically for this job.
Marion is from a more prosperous background, being brought up in the city of Karanese as the daughter of a middle standing merchant. She joined the Scout Regiment when she was sixteen and proved herself a skilled warrior. That was about ten years ago. Her general appearance definitely implies her more privileged upbringing. Her blonde hair is always kept immaculate and tied up carefully behind her head. Her clothes are always pressed and cleaned neatly with very few wrinkles in them.
Victor on the other hand is a somewhat more common individual like me. He comes from a village within the interior of Wall Maria. When the Titans overran that land five years ago he along with dozens of others was driven out. He had up until that point served in the Garrison Regiment, but he decided to request a transfer to the Scouts after the break through. He hasn't told me why, but it sounds as if he lost someone dear to him during the Territory Retrieval Operation that occurred a few months later. He talks in calm tones with a casual element to his words. He wears his black hair short with neatly cut sideburns down either side.
Most people look at us in surprise as we take our seats. Travellers to this village must be a rarity as it is, never mind soldiers from the Scout Regiment. The Scouts aren't exactly known for making 'house calls' like this. After a while they all turn their backs on us dismissively and return to their drinks, food or conversation. A small boy however runs over to us. He looks excited to see our uniforms, even if they are covered in water.
"Are you soldiers?" he asks, the awe in his voice evident.
I smile, "yes we are. We're from the Survey Corps."
His eyes grow even wider at that. "You mean you go outside and fight the titans?" I nod. "Wow! You must be so brave to do that, are they scary?"
I pause for a moment. 'The Titans, scary? Hell yes. In fact the 57th Recon Mission a week ago was probably the most terrifying experience of my entire life. How do I tell this boy that in my bones all I want to do is run and hide from them, even with my abilities.'
Fortunately Marion saves from having to answer. "Yes they are. But that's why we have to train for years first to become soldiers."
"Is it hard?"
"Hard?" laughs Victor, "hard doesn't begin to cover it kid. It's one of the hardest things a soldier ever has to do. It's necessary though; if we didn't go through that training we wouldn't be able to fight."
"Have you," stutters the child in a hushed whisper, "have you ever killed any of them?"
"Who the Titans?" I ask, "Not all that many myself, but a few."
"Wow! How many?"
"Seven."
"What about you guys?" he asks the other two.
"Well, I'm not really the best fighter ever," says Marion, "so I've only killed five on my own. Twelve more though if you count team kills."
"Sixteen," says Victor, the pride evident in his voice. "Ten more assists in team combats."
"Yes, and he never lets us forget it," groans Marion.
The boy however is still staring at us in amazement. "That's amazing! Were any of you at the big battle in Trost?"
That makes me feel a little uncomfortable. At Trost I lost three of my training squad mates; Mina, Nac and Thomas. I also saw dozens of others die to the Titans during both halves of the Battle. A little reluctantly I nod, while the other two shake their heads.
"So, did you see the titan boy?"
That raises an eyebrow. I knew news about Eren would have spread to a lot of places by now, but it seems strange to contemplate the idea that he's something of a celebrity among the people. Having known Eren for over six years now, it just doesn't seem to fit him. I look over at Victor questioningly. Technically information on Eren is classified so I have to be careful in discussing him. Victor gives me a cautious nod to indicate that I can go ahead. "Yes I saw him."
"What is he like?"
I think about that for a few moments. "He's brave and loyal, but he's also a bit stubborn when the mood takes him and has trouble controlling his temper. Even with his powers he's still a person like us; he isn't perfect."
The lad thinks about this for a moment. He nods slowly as he considers this revelation. "Do you actually know him?" he asks after a little while.
"Yes," I reply.
"How?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that. Information on him is very top secret."
"Aww," moans the boy in disappointment. "Hey, what are you guys doing here anyway?"
"Official business," says Marion before I can respond. "We can't talk about it. Now run along."
"Aw, okay." The boy hurries away to a group of other little boys and girls in the corner and begins to talk to them excitedly.
"Technically this mission isn't all that official," I point in a low voice.
"Maybe not," admits Marion, "but any information on your past is potentially of great strategic importance to us Matthias. So while this isn't under the ledger, it is important to Humanity."
I sigh, "I think I preferred it when I was just another rookie with a messed up family. Now everything is so important all the time."
"You're going to have to get used to that," councils Victor. "This is who you are now, so this is your life."
"Great."
The small man comes bustling back to us about a minute later. "So, is there anything I can get you gentlemen and lady to drink?"
"No thank you," says Victor. "We would like to know if you know a woman around here by the name of Madeline Quinn."
The man looks at us curiously. "Yes I do as a matter of fact. Likes to keep to herself, seems very gloomy most of the time. She didn't come tonight."
"Where might we find her?"
"In Adlers' house I expect. She's been staying with them since she was evacuated here."
"Right then. If you could just give us some directions we'll be on our way there," says Victor rising to his feet.
"Oh, very well then. It's on the south edge of town. A small three room place it is with a small vegetable garden out the front. There should be a sign on the gate to mark it out as the Adlers' place."
"Thank you. We'll be speaking to you again tonight about some accommodation if you can manage that."
The man's face lights up at the prospect of business. "Most certainly good sir. I look forward to it."
We take our leave and pull our hoods back over our heads again as we step out into the pouring rain. I'm drenched again within only a few minutes of walking. We come a house that roughly matches the description given to us by the innkeeper. Marion bends over to examine the sign on the gate. "Yep, this is the one!" she calls out over the pounding rain. We push the gate ope and walk up the path.
Victor knocks several times on the door and we wait shivering in the wet for it to be answered. The door swings open and woman's voice answers. "Yes, oh my!" she exclaims as she sees a trio of soldiers standing on the doorstep.
"Mrs. Quinn?" asks Marion.
"Yes that's me," she answers, looking at her warily.
"We've got someone who'd like to see you."
"Hi mom," I say walking forwards and pulling back my hood to show my face.
"Matthias!" she cries, rushing out into the rain to embrace me. I hold her tightly and she kisses me on the forehead. "Oh, come in come in out of the rain, all of you."
We enter into a kind of living room where a fire is burning in the hearth. "Sit down please and take off your wet things," says my mother. Marion and Victor do so and sit down on the floor on the other side of the room. I slip my rain cloak off and bundle it up on the floor, before removing my ODM Gear and resting it against the wall. Marion and Victor do not remove theirs' as per the standard. They have to be prepared for combat at all times.
"So, who are your friends?" my mother asks after a few moments.
"Private Victor Sanders of the Scouts 2nd Company," says Victor, standing to introduce himself.
"And I'm private Marion Blumen also from the Scouts 2nd Company," says Marion, also standing. "We've assigned as your son's, escort." She hesitates over that last word, as if not quite sure how to describe their role to her. After all, it isn't exactly an easy thing to tell a woman that your job is to hold her son's leash.
"I see," says my mother nervously looking at me. "But, why does he need an escort?"
I look at the two of them to ask how much I can tell her. "She's your mother Matthias, she at least deserves to know that much," says Victor. "Besides, if your memories are correct she already knows enough to put make a reasonable guess why."
I sigh. "Mom, have you heard about the Stohess incident this far north yet?"
"Yes. Apparently there was some kind of fight between a group of titans there five days ago. No one knows how any titans managed to appear within Wall Sina."
"They were able to appear there because when they first entered the city they looked like ordinary humans. One of those titans is called the Female Titan. She attacked the Scout Regiment during the 57th Recon Mission a week ago, in an attempt to kidnap Eren Yeager. You remember Eren right?"
"Of course. But why would someone want to kidnap Eren?"
"Because he's the titan boy everyone is talking about from Trost. He's the one who sealed up the hole in Wall Rose."
My mother stares at my in disbelief. I suppose that makes sense. Knowing Eren from the brief time we spent in Shiganshina along with my regular letters to her, the idea must seem preposterous. But it's all true despite that. "There's more," I continue. "There were three titans at Stohess. One was the Female Titan, whom the Scout Regiment was attempting to apprehend. The second was Eren's titan. I think you already know who the third titan was." Mom puts a hand to her mouth. I can see in her eyes that she knows. I can see that she knows and wishes it wasn't true.
"I was that third titan. I know now that I'm one of them, that I'm not properly human. I also know that, that I'm not actually your son."
Tears begin to stream down her cheeks and she looks away from a moment. Then she sits down and looks at me. "No," she admits finally. "No you're not. Your father and I tried to have a child for years, but with no success."
"And then one day you found me in the woods."
"Yes. Your father and I enjoyed walking there together at night. That time the snow only added a romantic element. Then there was this great crash and something came hurtling through the trees. It stopped at the edge of the river. Your father didn't want me to go and look, but I was curious.
"There was this huge thing, lying in the snow. Its face, dear god it was hideous. It was around elven metres tall, all disproportionate in its arms and legs. It was sending off a great cloud of steam into the night sky. I knew what it was when I saw it; everybody knew what they were supposed to look like from the stories. Before I could turn and run though, the back of its neck split open and you came out. I didn't know what to make of it but, well, I couldn't just leave a little boy stuck to that thing and freezing to death.
"Andrew tried to stop me, told me that it was too dangerous. I didn't listen to him and pulled you out. You were so frail; you looked as if you hadn't eaten in days. You father said that you were dangerous, that I should leave you there. But I couldn't do that."She chokes up a little and puts a hand to her face. I put a hand on her shoulder gently, and wait for her to continue.
"In the end, I convinced Andrew to bring you back to the house so that you wouldn't die of cold. You slept all through that night and into half of the next day. I thought you might be dying. Then you opened your eyes and asked me where you were. I told you that you were safe. You said that you didn't believe me, that that was exactly what they'd told you the last time. I said I didn't understand what you meant. You fell back to sleep without saying anything else.
"The next day you were more awake and we gave you something to eat. It was rather strange what good table manners you had. It took me aback a little. You seemed to be very, hazy as to where you were and who you were. When we asked you what your name was you said that you didn't know. Then all of a sudden you became panicked and kept asking us where Angela was. Of course we didn't know anyone by that name so we told you there was no one with it here. You screamed and cried and demanded to be told what had happened to her. Then you fell back to sleep again.
"The third day, you seemed to have completely forgotten everything, including the last two days. Andrew and I had been talking about what we were going to do with you. Your father acted like he knew something about you. He even said that if you were who he thought you were that you'd suffered more than anyone else alive. He wouldn't tell me anything though. He said it was safer if I didn't know about it. In the end he said that since no family would be looking for you, that it might be best if we took care of you.
"The very next thing you asked us that morning was, if we were your parents. We couldn't think of any better way to approach it, so in the end we told you that was right. After that we did our best to bring you up. Another strange thing, was that you already knew how to read and write. You even understood a fair bit about mathematics, more than I did at the time."
"You mean, you guys never taught me those things?"
"No. You knew all that when we found you."
"And, and you don't know anything about where I came from? Who I was?"
"No, I'm sorry."
I look down at the floor gloomily. 'Is that it then? Did we come all this way for nothing?' "Mom, what happened to dad? Why did he leave?"
My mother looks at me sharply. "He said that something was about to happen in the Kingdom. He needed to go meet somebody important and help him complete a very important task. When I asked if it had something to do with you, he said that while it was related to you in some ways, it wasn't directly connected. He was supposed to return home in a few weeks time, but he never came back."
"So, he never said where he was going? Did he mention a name for the person he was meeting?"
"He called him the doctor, but that was all. He said that if he didn't come back I was to leave the village and move around once every year until he found the two of us again."
I sigh. "The doctor? What's that even supposed to mean? Doctor what? I don't remember him having any doctor friends."
"No, we didn't know anyone with that level of qualification at the time. In fact the only doctor we've ever met was Eren's father."
"Well, at least I know for sure that my memories weren't wrong. Listen mom, thank you, for everything. There aren't many people who'd take in a monster as their child."
She grabs me by the shoulders. "Now you listen to me Matthias. I don't know who you were before, but I know that right now you are my son, and I love you. I don't care if you're some creature from the pit of hell, I will never, ever stop caring about you." She pulls me into a tight embrace, and for a few moments I rest there in her arms, letting my tears flow.