A/N I didn't use a beta for this one because I was so late so feel free to tell me about any typos!

I've taken more than I've been givin'.
I've taken for granted this life I'm livin'.
I don't know why heaven above
Blessed me with your sweet love.
Though I never tell you what you're worth
It's more than I deserve.
More than I Deserve ~ Christian Kane

Eliot tilted the glass up to polish off his shot. It did very little to effect him. He lifted a finger to signal the bartender to bring him another as Tara sat on the barstool beside him.

"What's your pleasure?" he asked her as the bartender walked up.

"Drinking your troubles away seems to be par for course for this group." she asked, the corners of her mouth turned up in amusement. "I'll have one of what he's having."

The bartender poured her a shot as Eliot finished his off, putting the glass down for another.

"Do you want him to just leave the bottle?" Tara asked as she tossed hers back. She covered her glass with her hand gesturing the bartender to stop.

"Don't worry. I can hold my whiskey," Eliot muttered but stopped after the next shot. "What are you doing here?"

"I just left Nate's. Had to get paid," she answered, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the bar.

"That's seriously fucked up that you're making him pay you…"

"I don't feel the need to work for redemption. Cash is the only way I play, or something of equal value of course." She watched him closely. "You earned your redemption yet? Can you sleep better at night because you don't get paid?"

Eliot glared at her. He still wasn't sure about her, even if Sophie sent her. He had just come to trust Sophie a little bit…Tara, not at all. But it wasn't his job to trust her, nor his responsibility. He left that to Nate.

"Don't concern yourself about how well I sleep at night, Tara." Rising an eyebrow at her, he dared her to continue down this path. She picked up her jacket and slid off the stood.

Leaning over, she said softly, "I could see it first hand if you prefer, Cowboy." Her hand rested on his leg and he could smell her mostly likely very expensive perfume when she pressed against him.

He considered it. He really did. It'd be a long time since he'd been with a woman. Not since…her. Not that he hadn't tried. Plenty of women offered but there was always something about them, one detail that was a deal breaker for him and he always declined. Had been that way for months, he was starting to feel like a monk. There was one that he even went back to her house and ended up changing his mind because of the way she kissed: too aggressive, too possessive, too clingy. Her tirade as he untangled himself from her grips had proven him right, of course.

But Tara was hot. She wasn't the least bit possessive and probably had the same philosophy that he did about sex...or at least the one he once had. He studied her for a moment. Cool, confident, collected, but most likely an animal in the bed – she'd definitely be a nice distraction from his current frame of mind. His gaze lingered on her full lips for a moment before his gaze drifted up to hers. It was her eyes that did him in: the look of cold indifference, the con, the game in them. Yeah she'd give him a run for his money but every moan and move would be too well orchestrated, too calculated. He shook his head and turned away.

"Some other time then," she said. She paused giving him time to stop her. Eliot nodded before returning to watching the game on the bar's TV. He waited until she left before he signaled for another shot, hoping one more would dull the pain.

He needed to get this under control. Nate was already assuming the role of the team drunk. They couldn't afford for Eliot to crawl into a bottle as well.

"What the hell are you doing?" Parker snapped as she sat beside him, taking Tara's place at the bar.

Eliot shot a look of annoyance at her. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Parker grabbed the shot glass from in front of him and pushed it away. "Sober up Sparky, we got a job in a few hours."

"I'm not drunk," he shrugged and glared when Parker ordered him a cup of coffee.

"Sure you're not. How many fingers am I holding up?" She smiled as she held up her middle finger, causing him to growl under his breath.

"Are you drunk?" Alec asked as he walked up.

"No! I'm not…dammit! Leave me alone," Eliot grabbed the coffee and went to sit a few stools down, pretending to be entranced by the game.

"You should just call her you stubborn ass," Parker muttered under her breath but he ignored it. He knew they both still talked to Katie. Parker had dropped enough hints about it. He'd amazed even himself with his restraint in asking about her. And the two of them weren't disclosing much.

"Good, you're all here. We have a new client," Nate announced and Eliot rose from the stool to follow the others upstairs. He was grateful because he needed the distraction. When Tara came in, he barely glanced at her and she treated him the same.

Work…it was the only thing that helped him forget her.

oOooOo

It was Sophie leaving that had unhinged him. When he returned from his sister's to find Sophie gone and the team flailing around without her, Eliot realized how stupid he'd been. But it was weeks before he admitted it to himself. He'd picked up the phone to call her a number of times but always stopped before pressing the last digit into his phone, the lighted display always mocking him before he threw it down in disgust.

She'd never forgive him. No, actually it would be worse than that. She would forgive him. Katie would forgive him; her heart wouldn't allow her to do anything else. But he'd have to live with the fact that she forgave him despite the fact he broke her. She'd give him that haunted, yet distant, look, and knowing that he'd caused her to stop looking at him with open acceptance of who he was would cut him like a knife. She was probably one of the only people alive that knew him that well and accepted him. And he knew, whether she admitted it or not, he didn't deserve her. Her love for him was stronger than he had been and he'd let her down. Even though the team cared for him, and he for them despite his best intentions, it wasn't the same with her. She loved his flaws, while the team tolerated them. Except his flaw of being a coward about his emotions – that was one flaw she'd never accept. And it was the one he was most ashamed of.

Tara really touched a nerve when she talked about redemption and how he slept at night. Since he'd left Kentucky, he'd slept very little. When he got back to Boston, due to the incident with Mikal coming to his apartment to kill Katie, he'd had to find another place. Hardison suggested the condos over the bar but he didn't want to encourage people 'dropping by' so Eliot found a two bedroom condo overlooking the harbor. He even had a professional decorate it. He wasn't sure why he picked one with so much room and so nice. The gourmet kitchen was a plus, even if most nights he cooked only for himself. Then he'd sit on the balcony watching the ships coming into the harbor and think about how much Katie would enjoy it here.

After awhile, he'd started going out at night, finding the seediest bars, and put himself in situations where he could get a fight, so he could beat the shit out of someone. Just to let some of the rage out. Then he went through a phase where he trained and exercised until the point where he could barely drag himself into bed to spend another restless night staring at the ceiling. He started doing side jobs until Hardison confronted him about it when he'd gotten a little careless and made a blip on the radar. Not that he gave a shit what the hacker said but he'd started feeling pretty disgusted with his own actions and stopped.

Then he finally settled into going out at night drinking or to see a live band, always lingering at the background trying to avoid being noticed. Whenever a woman would offer him a drink, he'd coldly ignore her attempts at conversation. He wasn't fit for polite conversation, even with the team. Nate and he rarely talked even though he spent more time with him than anyone else. Both of them knew the other one's reasons for being quiet and didn't expect anything else.

Hardison and Parker both had attempted to talk to him about Katie. He couldn't expect them to understand. Especially not something he wasn't sure he understood himself. He fucked up. That's what it all boiled down to and now he had to figure out what to do next because this…wasn't working.

He felt dead inside.

oOooOo

"It's a bad plan Parker. A really bad plan," Hardison argued, following the thief down the hall to Eliot's condo.

"How else are we going to get him there? He's not exactly going to be willing," she shot back. "Besides, there are no lasting effects."

"When he finds out and breaks my bones into little pieces, it's going to be a lasting effect!" Hardison blurted out.

Parker rolled her eyes as she knocked on the door.

"Did you forget that his best friend was murdered using this same drug? It would just be…wrong to do that to him. Even if we're doing this for his own good. No, we'll have to figure out something else," Hardison insisted.

"Fine, but figure it out fast," Parker knocked on the door again. When Eliot didn't answer after a few tries, she set to picking the lock.

"Whoa whoa whoa…what are you doing?" Hardison looked in both directions.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You cannot keep breaking in, we talked about that. One of these days you're going to catch someone…in an awkward situation," he shook his head, trying to get the vision out of his mind.

"Like what?" Parker glanced at him for a moment.

Hardison just stared in response.

"Well, that will teach them to open the door when I knock. I knocked first!" She grinned when the lock opened with a click. She moved on to the two deadbolts and managed to open them despite one of them being so tricky. It was cute how Eliot thought he could actually keep her out of anything.

Opening the door, she stood stunned for a few minutes. Hardison whistled under his breath as he followed her in.

"This is nice. I mean, it's not just the bare necessities like normal," Parker said as she picked up a sculpture. "It looks like some place Sophie would live."

"He's definitely stepping it up in the classy department. There is even art work on the wall. Oh and he bought a TV finally. I guess I'm wearing off on him after all," Hardison flipped on the TV and found it was tuned to ESPN. Not really a big shocker there.

"Look at this," Parker said from across the room. Walking to here, he saw three pictures on the wall, one of Eliot and John, another of John and Katie, and one of the three of them when they were younger and two adults, obviously Katie and John's parents. "I didn't even know he had personal photos." Parker murmured under her breath. "It seems he's finally…"

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Eliot snapped from the doorway. Both Parker and Hardison jumped then swung around.

"We were…just…uhh…" Hardison stammered but seeing the anger in Eliot's face he lost his train of thought.

"We wanted to see the new place," Parker replied casually as she walked to the kitchen and began looking around, completely ignoring Eliot's anger.

"Then you wait for an invitation. You don't just break in Parker. We've talked about this remember?" Eliot slammed the door and put down the grocery bag he had in his hands onto the kitchen counter that faced the living room. As he unpacked the bag, he growled, "Before I kick you out, what the hell do you two want anyway?"

"You're cooking dinner? Can we stay?" Parker poked her head into his bedroom, still looking around like he wasn't even there. Eliot walked over and turned Parker around, shutting the door behind him, then walking her back into the living room.

"No you can't stay. Get out," he said as he returned to unpacking the bag.

"Why? You got company coming?" Parker began rummaging through the things he unloaded on the counter. Eliot slapped her hand and she gave him a disgusted look before she pinched his arm, then walked away quickly.

"Who I have coming over or what I'm doing is none of your business! I'll repeat what I said for you slow children, what the hell do you want?" he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at both of them.

"We…" Hardison began then trailed off, not quite sure what to say. Parker looked at him for a long time, waiting for him to continue. "Parker needs to talk to you about something," he finally blurted out before he turned around and walked into the living room, a safe distance from the two of them.

"What? What is it? I'm busy and if you're just coming over to annoy me, then don't," Eliot snapped.

"We're going to Cincinnati tonight," Parker finally said. "For…a job. Yeah, Nate wanted us to come get you so we could fly out tonight on the red eye."

"Why didn't he just call me?"

"I don't know. He asked us to come get you. Besides, I wanted to see the new place," she shrugged. Once again she began looking around curiously. "It's nice. And big. Much bigger and nicer than your last place. Why did you get such a big fancy place?"

"It came this way. I liked the kitchen," Eliot answered evasively before putting his food in the refrigerator before they spoiled.

"They don't sell these condos pre-furnished or decorated," Hardison smirked. "Who knew you had style?"

"So, fine, whatever. I got an interior designer. She was hot and so I was persuaded to let her decorate my condo. Why the big deal?" Popping open a beer, he walked into the living room, handed Hardison an orange soda, and Parker a Mountain Dew. 'Like she needs caffeine,' he thought to himself before dropping into his leather club chair.

"Yeah, right. It was a woman. Like we'd believe it was because of that," Parker plopped down in the middle of the couch and crossed her legs.

"Feet. Off the couch," Eliot said, raising an eyebrow. "And what do you mean you don't believe it was because of a woman? I have a long standing reputation of doing lots of things for women."

"Not since Katie," Parker shot back before she took a slow drink of her Mountain Dew.

Eliot gazed at the window intently for a moment before he said, "We're not talking about this."

"Fine then, you listen, I'll talk. You're not the same as you were before her and we're frankly getting sick of it. So if you're too damn hard-headed to realize it on your own, maybe we need to spell it out for you," she replied then glanced over at Hardison. "Right, Hardison. Tell him."

The hacker's eyes grew wide and his jaw tightened. He was obviously thinking quickly how to put things into words that wasn't going to result in his death.

"So you're throwing him under the bus? Why don't you just spill it Parker?" Eliot stared at the blonde.

"Look, you fucked up. Big time. You with Katie and Nate with Sophie. And both of you are such stubborn idiots you don't even see how bad you fucked up. At least Nate tried to fix it. He flew to London to talk Sophie into coming back. She's just…not ready but you haven't even tried with Katie," Parker raised her eyebrows before adding. "Or is this because you're scared what will happen when she forgives you and you have to cowboy up to do the right thing by her."

Eliot shot out of his seat. "What do you know about anything, Parker? I don't see you having any normal relationship on your own! So I suggest you don't preach to me about mine! You don't even know what it's like to have a family or connections…people that can get hurt because of you, because of what you do."

"Now, wait a minute…" Hardison began before Parker jumped out of her seat.

"So? I don't know what it's like to have a family so that's your excuse for how I don't understand what everyone else, but you, can see? I don't have to have a family to know! You'd have to be blind to see, which apparently you are," she yelled back. "No, you're not blind. You're just an ass! You want to sit here and hide behind the excuse of 'she might get hurt' when she is already hurt, thanks to you."

"That's right! Because of me, she got shot and…"

"She got shot because of her ex. But you, you ripped her heart out when you left. She's healed from the gunshot wound, not from what you did. You'd know that if you had called her to check on her at least. But you won't because you know you made a mistake and you're too scared to face it." Parker stormed out of the room onto the balcony leaving Eliot fuming mad.

"She's got a lot of nerve talking to me like that. You know what? I don't need this shit. I don't need either one of you coming down here to lecture me about relationships which you're too scared to do anything about your own. You with the puppy dog eyes and her with the constant…whatever the hell the game is with her. I don't need this!" Eliot got up and stormed into the kitchen, slamming around for a minute before coming back into the living room prepared to rant some more. Seeing Hardison looking at him calmly he blurted out, "What?"

"You don't need anybody, huh?"

"That's not what I said but yeah for the record, I don't need anyone. I'm just fine on my own, always have been," Eliot shot back before dropping back into the chair and glaring out the window.

"You bought this nice big sweet pad and you're trying to convince me that nothing's changed. Would you be okay if I said she was dating someone else?" Hardison watched him closely, noticing how his jaw tightened before he glared at him. "Didn't think so. She hasn't by the way. She's been traveling a lot and doing a lot of things with the new business, trying to get it ready."

"New business? What are you talking about?" Eliot asked, dropping the pretense of not caring.

"You're going to find out tomorrow night at the unveiling party. Parker was lying about where we're going and why. I'd personally rather you went because you wanted to, not because we tricked you," Hardison stood up, dropping the invite on the table in front of Eliot, who eyed it warily. "We're leaving in three hours. Be at Nate's then if you're going. If you're not…well it's probably for the best considering." Walking over to the balcony, he called out to Parker who came in and left without another word to Eliot. Hardison shot a grin over his shoulder before leaving. "You and Parker can make up on the plane."

oOooOo

Eliot sat in his truck outside McRory's for at least an hour, debating the logic of going. He wanted to see her. Whether it was smart or not, he wanted to see her and he needed to be sure she was okay. If she had invited him, or rather had someone send him an invitation, she obviously wanted him to be there. It made no sense to not see her. Obviously his logic about leaving her was seriously flawed. He was surprised when Parker opened the door and jumped in on the passenger side. She didn't look at him, just stared out the windshield.

"So, Hardison said he told you where we're going," she finally said, still not looking at him.

"Yes."

"And you're going or not? Because sitting out here…it's not really clear," Parker finally looked at him and he saw hope in her eyes.

"I'm thinking," he looked down for a moment before glancing in her direction again. "Probably."

"Thinking is what got you into this mess. Besides, you hurt her and she made the first step…it's only right that you go," she shrugged. "I might not know anything about family or relationships but that just seems logical."

Eliot smiled quickly before nodding. "Sorry about what I said. I just…" He began staring a hole in the dashboard.

"You know it's the right thing. Even you can see that now, right?"

"I don't know. But I need to talk to her at least," he said before reaching into the backseat to pull his bag out.

The two of them left his car before Parker turned to him curiously. "What's a hoedown anyway?"

Eliot just chuckled.

There is only one more chapter before this part ends. But here's a video I made for this story!

http / www. youtube .com/watch?v=QAlcCcqIQvU (copy into your browser window and delete all the spaces OR just go to youtube and look for 'TheOriginalAliKat'