Another day, another bandit attack. As usual, the group dispatched the bandits with barely any injuries or harm done to themselves, despite the large numbers of bandits on the roads. As usual, there were no survivors among the bandits. As usual, Elissa mentally bemoaned the fact that there were no patrols on the Imperial Highway for this section of the road.

The really sad part is that until patrols happen here, by tomorrow there will be more bandits to replace the ones we just killed. I'll write messages to Alistair and the banns to keep them informed. They should want to know about this. Elissa sighed. Hopefully they will read the messages and act on them.

Once they finished cleaning up the bodies and set them on fire, they made their way. They needed to travel more ground before it got dark. Elissa hoped that the North Road continued to be well-patrolled, so that perhaps they would be able to make up the time they had lost on the Imperial Highway.

-0-0-0-

By the second day after they had reached the North Road, everyone was starting to relax. They saw regular patrols, nearly all wearing the Cousland crest, and the presence of the armed guards seemed to act as an effective deterrent for the bandits that were prevalent along the shores of Lake Calenhad. Because they were worrying less about being attacked at any given moment, Elissa could pay attention to her people instead of the road. Anything she could focus on to get out of her own head was a blessing; she really didn't need to allow her problems to affect the group.

Most of their group was doing well. Anders, Eric and Oghren tended to walk together regularly and discuss whatever they happened to be thinking of at the time. Elissa overheard a lot of discussion of women and drink, and would frequently notice Eric shaking his head bemusedly when she looked back to see what they were doing. Nathaniel joined them from time to time, when he wasn't walking with Elissa or scouting ahead, and would listen to the antics of the other Wardens with a shake of his head and a wry grin at Eric.

Ragnar and Erna walked by themselves frequently or they walked near Elissa. They would talk among themselves a little, or Erna would talk with Elissa while Ragnar hung back and looked at the road, glancing at the two women from time to time. Ragnar didn't look unhappy; he just kept his thoughts to himself. Erna, once she opened up, was positively chatty, telling stories about when she lived in Dust Town and the exploits of the Carta and various 'dusters' that she knew. She also asked a lot of questions about surface life. Elissa thought that by the time they arrived back at the keep, Erna would know more about Ferelden history and culture than any other dwarf in Thedas. Elissa also thought that she now understood why Ragnar didn't say much; he couldn't get a word in edgewise. The thought made her smile to herself a little before her thoughts weighed her down again.

-0-0-0-

They were approaching the intersection that led to Highever.

Elissa made it a point to ignore the side road, preferring instead to focus on pretending it didn't matter to her. Maybe, if she acted like that road went nowhere, the farce would become reality. In a way, I guess that road does lead nowhere. For me, at least. She did her best to stay relaxed and not let her thoughts get the better of her, like they had done so many times in the past. She was only moderately successful.

She felt a hand clasp hers, and by the accompanying presence she knew it was Nathaniel. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand and she squeezed his hand in response, just as she heard Oghren speak.

"Hey there, Erna. You're looking mighty good today." Oghren laughed, the leer that must have been present on his face apparent in the sound. "What say we go behind those bushes over there and you can get a little taste of ol' Oghren?" Elissa could imagine him waggling his eyebrows at the blatant come-on.

Erna didn't seem impressed. "You wouldn't know what to do with me if you got me," she replied, laughing. "Besides, I'd wear you out and nobody wants to carry you."

"Heh heh heh. That could be fun. Besides, there's plenty of Oghren to go around. I'd like to see you try to wear me out."

"There's plenty …? Oghren, she can smell you from where she's standing! In fact, I'm pretty sure they can smell you at the keep from here! Why do you need to go behind a bush for that?" Anders felt the need to join in. Elissa heard an indistinct snicker that was covered by a cough. It sounded remarkably like Eric.

"Leave my sister alone, old man. I'll come over there and pummel you if I have to." Ragnar was never fond of Oghren's flirtations, if what Oghren did could be called flirting. Elissa was never quite sure. She always thought flirting should come across less like a mallet to the head and more like a whisper on the wind. Then again, subtlety was never Oghren's strong suit.

"Hah! I'd like to see you try that, kid. But hey, I can teach you a few things that'll please the ladies. You should really grow a beard for some of them, but ..." And so they continued down the road.

Elissa looked at Nathaniel and he smiled at her. She managed a small smile back as he squeezed her hand. Thank you. All of you. It's good to be reminded you're not alone in the world, after all.

-0-0-0-

She woke from the nightmare, sweating and shaky. Her eyes had snapped open the moment she had escaped the nocturnal torment, but it took a moment to process the objects around her. She looked at Nathaniel and was reassured to see that he was still sleeping. She must not have been screaming or thrashing. Thank the Maker for small favors.

Another one. This is getting old fast. She sighed silently. At least it's not every night like it used to be. Yet. She gingerly sat up, trying to keep from disturbing Nathaniel, and closed her eyes while she let her breath and heartbeat return to normal. It took a few minutes despite it being a familiar exercise.

I won't be able to go back to sleep tonight. With that assessment made, Elissa donned her tunic, leggings and boots and slipped out of the tent as silently as she could. She crouched by the fire for a few moments, staring unseeing at the flames, before straightening up and looking around. Off to the side, facing away from the fire, she saw Ragnar standing alone. It's the middle of the night, then, if it's his watch.

Elissa walked over to Ragnar and stood beside him. She was never quite sure what to say to the taciturn dwarf; usually he would say what he thought when he was good and ready, and make it short and to the point. So, she waited for him to have something to say. She was not disappointed. After a few minutes, he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You're not what I expected."

Elissa raised an eyebrow at the statement. "I hear that a lot, but I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing."

Ragnar thought for a minute then shrugged. "Erna likes you."

So it's a good thing. "Thanks. I like her too." Elissa studied the darkness beyond the camp. "She seems like she's been a good sister to you. I can see why you try to protect her."

Ragnar suddenly looked down and shuffled his feet. Elissa thought if she could see his face more clearly, he'd probably look embarrassed. "Yeah," he finally said. "She's all right." He turned his head a little so that he was sort of looking at Elissa. "She won't shut up though."

Despite herself, Elissa was amused. "She stops talking when she goes to sleep at least, right?"

Ragnar barked out a laugh. "Nope." He shook his head. "Go listen at her tent."

Elissa was intrigued. She walked over to Erna's tent and listened at the flap. Sure enough, she heard unintelligible murmuring. She walked back to Ragnar and said quietly, "She just can't keep it in, can she?"

He shook his head before looking at Elissa. When he did, she caught the edge of a smile for a brief moment. "Never tell her any secrets." He grinned then, the first time Elissa had ever seen him actually smile openly, then looked back out to keep watch. When he spoke again a little while later, his voice sounded amused. "She's crazy."

Elissa snorted. "Then she fits in here just fine," she said wryly. "None of us is quite right in the head." At that, it was Ragnar's turn to snort.

"Uh-huh." They both stood there, Ragnar keeping watch, Elissa thinking, for some time before Elissa turned to go sit at the fire. As she did, he nodded once. Elissa put a hand on his shoulder briefly before leaving and walking over to the warmth. She put a log on the fire to build it back up a bit, then sat and watched it for the next few hours while she tried to organize her thoughts.

-0-0-0-

It was raining furiously.

The weather had started out well enough that day. It was warm and sunny, and the road and its travelers had been lucky thus far, staying blessedly dry. But Elissa could tell the very moment they had crossed into the arling of Amaranthine's borders by the weather alone. A huge, black raincloud had suddenly darkened the sky at midday, making the day look like nighttime. The only reason the group wasn't completely soaked to the skin was because there was a conveniently abandoned farmhouse just ahead on the road. They got to the front porch of the dwelling just as the sky opened up, the black cloud unleashing its full power on the earth below.

Elissa hung back, watching Erna's face register a look of wonder. Erna held out a hand to feel the rain as it fell. "This is amazing," she said. "I can't believe how loud it is." Even Ragnar looked impressed by the force of nature they were witnessing. The two dwarves just watched the rain fall for several minutes before going inside. Elissa followed them in.

The farmhouse must not have been abandoned for very long. There was copious dust on all the surfaces, but the structure itself was intact and the furnishings were in good shape apart from the dust. Nathaniel was setting up a fire in the fireplace and Eric and Oghren were moving funiture out of the way to make room for everyone's bedrolls. Anders emerged from a doorway across from the house's entrance.

"There were mice in the mattresses, so they're not good for sleeping on," Anders said. "I figure we can move both mattresses to the smaller bedroom and there will be enough space for all of us to sleep." Elissa nodded at him, granting her approval of the idea, and Anders disappeared again through the same doorway. Ragnar followed him.

Before long, there was a fire blazing in the hearth and everyone had staked out their personal space by setting up their bedrolls. The rain thundering down on the roof of the small cottage completed the feeling of coziness inside. Elissa could picture a family scene: a mother tending to dinner as it cooked on the fire, a father who, just barely home for the day, would play with the children to keep them distracted from their mother's work, the little sister who would do her best to keep up with her big brother as …

Suddenly, the room closed in on her. She tried to keep her breathing regular until she could get outside. She closed the front door quietly after exiting the house and moved to the corner of the porch, sliding down the exterior wall of the small farmhouse until she was sitting against it with her knees pulled up. She rested her forehead on crossed arms and closed her eyes as she tried to regain her equilibrium.

"You haven't been sleeping." Elissa's head jerked up. Between the torrential downpour and her own thoughts, all other sound had been drowned out. She wouldn't have heard Nathaniel approach anyway; he was incredibly silent when he moved. He sat down next to her, just barely still under the porch roof, and motioned that she should come sit with him. She moved over and settled between his outstretched legs, leaning sideways against his chest with her feet tucked under her. As she settled her head against his shoulder, he pulled his cloak around the both of them, cocooning them both in the wool cloth. She watched the rain fall down wildly just a couple of feet away as he shifted to make himself more comfortable. She was almost surprised when he spoke again.

"Talk to me." He spoke quietly yet insistently as he stroked her hair. She closed her eyes briefly before opening them to stare out into the fury of the storm.

"He … I lost him once before, you know." She trusted that Nathaniel would know that she was talking about Fergus. "During the blight, he went missing after Ostagar. Everyone assumed he was dead. I was able to handle it then, when everyone else had died and we were wanted for treason. I've barely seen him since the blight, except for the time he spent at the keep, so knowing that he's alive and well should be better than thinking he's dead. But ..." her voice stopped working and she didn't know how to restart it. She settled for shrugging.

"I'm not sure that having constant nightmares is handling it, exactly." Nathaniel spoke softly. "Let it out this time. I'm here." As he put his arms around her, he kissed her forehead and tucked her head under his chin. "I'm not going anywhere."

His kindness and affection undid her. With those words, a near-silent cry welled up in her chest and forced its way up to her throat, then her mouth, bringing with it gasping sobs and hot tears. Nathaniel said nothing else, preferring to hold her and stroke her back and hair as she let wave after wave of grief exit her system. She didn't know how long she sat there, encircled in his arms, crying out her pain, but when the sobs died down she felt emptied. It was a relief, despite the headache she'd given herself.

He reached into his pocket and produced a handkerchief that he used to wipe her eyes and nose. She dutifully took the square of linen and blew her nose as he fished in his pocket again, pulling out another handkerchief. She tilted her head back to look at him as he reached out into the rain, kerchief in hand, and let the cloth get soaked before squeezing it out with his fist. He brought hand and handkerchief back in from the rain and used the cloth to smooth her face and wash away the salt. It felt cool and relaxing, so she closed her eyes, letting her head rest against his shoulder while he took away the evidence of her grief. She sighed with relief as he massaged her temples to calm the throbbing in her head. It didn't take long to fall asleep sitting in his arms.

When she awoke, the rain had stopped and it was dark out. It was a full moon that night, so the landscape was easily visible, everything in sight showing in shades of gray instead of full color. She was still sitting in Nathaniel's arms, leaning against his chest, with her head on his shoulder. She turned her attention to the night sky. The stars twinkled brightly and the moon was almost like the sun in its nocturnal brilliance. The air smelled clean, freshly washed by the earlier rain.

Nathaniel must have been awake and noticed the change in her breathing, for he whispered to her then. "How do you feel?"

She thought for a moment before answering. "Better. Thank you." She sat up and looked at him as he nodded.

"Let's go in and sleep." He fixed the cloak around her shoulders before they both stood. "I'd wager you could get in another full night's sleep right now." When he said that, she suddenly realized how exhausted she was and swayed on her feet. He put his hand on her arm to steady her and guided her to the front door of the farmhouse as he chuckled. "Let's go get you to bed. It's Anders' turn to stand watch."