It felt like forever since my feet were in my pointe shoes, and they welcomed the stiffness, it was their home. I was currently in the Rosewood dance studio stretching my shoes before I placed them one and took my place at the barre. I focused on my turnout before I stretched gently to the sides. I did a series of pliés and grande pliés, and after ten minutes of stretch in feet, calves and thighs, I felt ready to begin. I had been working on my choreography for my audition that was only a month away. I needed to get into his dance studio and have him coach me that was the only reason we moved. I let the music flow through me and my emotions take over as I stood on my pointe shoes and moved across the room. It always felt like I was walking on water whenever I danced, all my worries disappeared and the only thing of importance was nailing a performance piece or a move. I lose track of time and all sense of my surroundings.
"Oh my God, you are a ballerina," I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Kyle from the other night and I smile at him, he looks clean-shaven.
"Yes, through and through, you got a problem?" I smirk at him jokingly.
"None at all, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind a dance partner," he asks and I look at him nervously.
"I don't know if you can keep up with the ballet moves," I say and he chuckles.
"I've been practicing since I was 7," he smiles and I look in shock.
"No way! Why give me so much grief?" I ask.
"I was just messing with you," he says before he takes off his shirt and sweatpants to reveal his tights. We both begin to dance together and our chemistry is so palpable. Our movements flow together unlike anyone I've ever danced with and the feelings are so fresh and raw as the song Cold by Jorge Méndez plays. Its like the emotions extending from his fingertips are fusing with mine as they curl together and he brings me into him before I lean down and lift my leg vertically where I he holds it for a seconds, and picks me up in the position and twirls. Our silence is being filled by so many unsaid words through our movements. I feel weightless in his arms, like a feather as the gush of air spreads onto my face turning in circles. Normally I'd be dizzy, but now I'm anything but. He's expressing the unrequited love of the story as I am breaking down and we both know that we're not alone. As the song comes to an end we're both out of breath and looking at each other.
"Did you feel that?" he asks and I nod.
"I've never experienced that with a dance partner before," I say.
"Neither have I," he looks in shock. "And you can tell your boyfriend not to worry," he breaks the seriousness of the moment.
"He's not really my boyfriend," I laugh and he looks at me in confusion. "Cade is my best friend. He's from back home, but I'm gay," I say proudly and he smiles.
"So I have an official wing-woman?" he asks brightly.
"Looks like it," I say and we exchange numbers.
"Dance with me," he says and turns on To Build a Home by Cinematic Orchestra and we begin sharing different moves with each other (Step Up Revolution Final Dance Scene).
"I had fun dancing with you Emily, I hope we can do it again," he says while I'm packing up.
"You can count on it," I smile and leave him the room. I drive aimlessly back home not really paying attention. Once I park outside I see the girls walking over.
"Hey guys," I smile to them.
"Hey Emily," they say.
"What's up? I was just about to go for a run I say leading them inside my house and up the stairs where I change into my shorts but can't find a clean shirt.
"We were wondering if you wanted to come over for a sleep over later tonight?" Hanna asks.
"Yeah that sounds dope," I smile at them through the mirror.
"Mind if I join you for that run?" I look back at Spencer.
"Sure, let me just get you some shorts and a t-shirt," I say as I flip through the boxes, but can't find any.
"Cade!" I yell and I hear his big footsteps. He comes into the room shirtless and sweaty, I'm guessing from weight training.
"Where are my shirts and shorts?" I ask and he lets out a sigh.
"They're right here," he says going inside my closet and bringing out the box and setting it on my bed.
"Thanks," I smile and he returns it.
"Going for a run?" he asks sipping down the rest of my water.
"Yeah, I just came back from the studio," I say passing Spencer a shirt and shorts.
"How was it? Have you worked on strengthening your core?" he asks and I shake my head. "We'll work on it when you get back".
"It was fun, I ran into that guy from the party, Kyle," I say closing my eyes at the slip and I hear him huff.
"I see," he says crossing his arms.
"You guys want to come running?" I ask the other girls and they shake their heads.
"Yeah I'd love to," Alison responds and they all look in shock before she sets a glare. "Come on Han, Aria, it'll be fun," she says and ropes them into it and I give them their shirts and shorts.
"He's a nice guy Cade and a really good dancer. I mean you should've seen us together, and the best part is he dances ballet," I say excitedly and that coaxes a half smile out of them.
"I guess you can't be all straight dancing ballet as a guy," he thinks he whispers but it comes out so everyone can hear.
"Wow, where'd you learn to whisper, in an airplane?" I shoot back and his cheeks flush.
"Anyways, your dad wants you to call him" he says and I go numb.
"Why? What's wrong? What'd he say to you?" I ask.
"Slow down Nani, call him, he really wants to speak to you," he restates and I roll my eyes knowing I won't get anything out of him.
"What's Nani? I thought your name was Emily," Hanna asks and Cade smiles brightly.
"It means beautiful in my language," he says.
"Is that not your language Emily?" Spencer asks and I frown.
"He would've said our language, but he said my language as if you don't speak the same kind," she observes.
"Oh I speak Hawaiian, but my parents are Filipino and Caucasian, so I also speak Tagalog," I explain to them and they nod.
"Ready guys?" I ask and we head downstairs where I run into my mom.
"Hey sweetie, who are they?" she asks.
"Mom meet Hanna, Spencer, Alison and Aria," I say introducing them.
"Hi Mrs. Fields, we really enjoyed your pie," Hanna compliments and my mom smiles brightly.
"Thanks, it's one of my specialty!" she says and I can feel a full conversation coming on about food.
"Mom, we're going out for a run and I was invited to a sleepover," I say.
"Okay sounds good sweetie, have a good run guys," she waves us off and I set off for the path to the downtown. Spencer has no problem keeping up with my pace, Hanna and Aria fall behind and I'm forced to slow down, Alison seems to be trying to keep up, refusing to let the fatigue show. We're halfway there when Hanna stops abruptly.
"I can't do this," she cries.
"Yes you can Hanna, you can make it, we're halfway there," I encourage her.
"I can't, I'd rather just stick my fingers down my throat," she says and I hope they didn't notice my flinch.
"Hanna let's go, I don't accept quitters, never have, never will! Now get your ass up and run," I say sternly and she looks at me in shock before getting up and running at a faster pace. "See, not too bad, just pace yourself. We all start somewhere Han," I pat her back and move up towards Spencer who has Alison beside her.
"Nice pep talk Coach Fields," Spencer jokes.
"Just the way I was raised," I say and the rest of the run is spent in silence. We stop off at a deli and have a sandwich before walking back to the house.
"Thanks Emily, for showing me that I could actually do something I put my mind to," she smiles brightly at me and I return it.
"No problem, if you ever want to run again just let me know," I say back.
"Alright we're meeting back at Hanna's house at 8, don't be late," Alison orders and we all separate. It's still 6, so I have time to do other stuff.
"Hey Cade," I say seeing him outside working on my BMX bike. It was another form of workout that we enjoyed together.
"Hey Nani," he says focusing on tightening the bearings.
"She's almost complete," I say resting my arms on his shoulders.
"I know, she's a beauty," he admires. "You ready to work on your core?" he asks and I nod. He stands and picks me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist. "Four sets of thirty," he says and I begin to perform sit-ups. It's become a common practice to use each other as gym tools when we couldn't afford to go to the gym back on the island. In the middle of my third set I feel the familiar burn in my abs. After a series of exercises to work out my abs, arms and legs, I was absolutely drenched in sweat. It never really bothered me when people would say how perfect we were together, or stare at us when we'd work out together, but I realized it made it harder for him to move on with people encouraging us.
"Alright go take a shower stinky," he wrinkled his nose at me.
"I could say the same for you," I put my hands on his chest and laugh and he picks me up throwing me over his shoulder dragging me into the house. I ran upstairs and jumped in the shower letting the steam wash away the sweat from today. I knew my muscles would be sore, but it was a feeling I enjoyed more than anything it showed my hard work. I exited the shower to see Cade in my room with nothing on.
"Cade what are you doing?" I yelled slightly.
"I'm looking for a towel," he said calmly even though the situation was anything but. "What? It's nothing you haven't seen before," he rolled his eyes and he did have a point.
"Whatever," I sigh and go to get dressed and by the time he finds the towel in one of my boxes he's already dry. I put on my comfy joggers and tank and pull one of Cade's sweatshirts over me since it's so huge.
"Bye!" I yell from downstairs and see Cade appear at the top at least somewhat decent with his boxer briefs.
"Have fun Nani," he says and I walk across the street.
"It's open!" they yell and I walk inside to see everyone there.
"Damn, you guys already here?" I ask rhetorically.
"It's a shame since you live right across the street," Aria smirks.
"Alright so let's get this party started," Hanna slaps her hand on the table and pulls out bottles of alcohol and beer.
"I got something better," I smile and pull out my stash of weed and wrappers and they all chuckle.
"Oh God Emily, who knew?" Hanna chuckles hard.
"My ex girlfriend introduced me," I said and they smiled.
"Okay everyone take a shot to loosen up," she demands while pouring in the shot glasses. It feels nice to have it burn my throat. I place it back on the table and she's pouring us another one and down it goes again.
"Let's play a game," Alison suggests.
"How about Never Have I Ever," Spencer says and we all nod in agreement.
"Okay I'll start," Hanna says. "Never have I ever kissed someone in the rain," she says and Spencer and I take a shot.
"Last fall, there was a huge thunderstorm and Toby had the idea to travel and I met him outside and there it was," she smiles at the memory.
"It's always raining on and off in Hawaii, it's impossible not to kiss in the rain," I say and they chuckle.
"Never have I ever joined the mile high club," Aria says and we all look at her, but no one takes a shot.
"Never have I ever slept with a woman," Alison says looking intently at me and I down two shots.
"Never have I ever filmed a sex tape," I say and Hanna drinks a shot. "I knew it!" I yell and we both laugh.
"Alright another game, how about Truth or Dare?" Hanna asks.
"Sure, you first," I tell her.
"Aria, truth or dare?" she asks.
"Dare," she responds.
"I dare you to drink a shot of hot sauce," she smiles deviously and Aria's eyes widen.
"Fine," Aria grumbles before completing the dare and her face contorts in one of pain and her eyes water. I pass her a bottle of water that she happily accepts.
"Truth or Dare Spencer?" Aria asks.
"Truth," she says.
"Is it true that you skipped two periods to have sex with Toby in the locker room?" she asks and Spencer's eyes widen.
"How'd you know?" she asks suddenly and we all laugh at her admission.
"I have my ways," Aria answers vaguely laughing at her friend's reaction.
"Truth or Dare Alison?" Spencer shoots the blonde a glare for still laughing.
"Dare," she answers as if it's the most natural answer.
"I dare you to kiss Emily, and no peck, I mean a full on kiss, no tongue though," she says smiling as Alison's cheeks redden before schooling her features to a neutral expression.
"Okay," she says and saunters over to me while I sit back on my hands. She straddles my waist and after a little hesitation I lean in and capture her lips. They're the softest lips I've ever felt and she smells like oranges, oh my favorite fruit. Why did you have to do this to me Alison? I feel myself loosing control as I lean forward and cup her cheek in my hand as the other hand holds her head closer to me and our lips start bruising each other.
"Ahem," I hear from the side of me and we break apart to see Hanna looking at us with a knowing smile and Alison moves away from me so fast it's as if I burned her.
"Truth or dare Emily?" Alison asks after she gains her composure.
"Truth," I say.
"Have you ever had sex with a boy?" she asks and the question catches me so off guard. "Hello, earth to Emily," she says and I notice that I drifted away from the conversation.
"Sorry what was the question?" I ask again hoping she chooses a different one.
"Have you ever had sex with a boy?" she reiterates.
"Yes," I reply simply and I see the girls in shock, all but Alison who's wearing that same neutral expression.
"Oh my God, was it Cade? His body is amazing, it's to die for," Hanna says slightly drooling while fishing for information.
"Geesh Hanna, if I didn't know you were in love with Caleb, I would say you were in love with this guy," Aria jokes with her.
"Answer the question Em," Hanna says ignoring Aria's joke.
"Yes, it was with Cade," I say.
"How was it? When did it happen? Were you guys a couple?" she fires question after question.
"Slow down Hanna," I laugh. "It hurt a lot in the beginning, but then not so much. I was a freshman and he was a senior, it was at one of the bonfire parties our friends have every weekend. We'd grown up together since kids and I hadn't confronted my feelings for girls yet. I was blissfully unaware you could say. So I started high school and I got a lot of attention from all the boys but there was none I liked. Anyways, long story short, I wanted to lose my virginity to a guy I trusted rather than one who would spread my business around school, and my parents loved him. We were together for a year, until I learned that I really like girls. I came out to my parents, friends and honestly he was the hardest. I don't think he still fully understands because he still gets jealous of other guys, rather than the girls I'm ogling," I say and they chuckle at the last statement.
"I knew you guys were too close to be 'brother and sister'," Alison smiles at the new information she acquired.
"Yeah, I never say I'm 100% lesbian because of the time I had with him and sexuality is always fluid, at least that's how I see it, but I'm way more attracted to woman than anything," I say.
"So would you sleep with him again?" Hanna asks curiously and I think about the question.
"I don't see it happening, I would hate to mess with someone's feelings like that if I know I can't return them the way they want, but never say never, it usually ends up happening when you do," I answer honestly.
"So how did he react to your girlfriends?" Aria asked.
"He never really bought up his feelings, but I knew it made him a little uncomfortable because you can't really compete, you can't compare the two. He didn't get along with any of my exes though and they didn't like that he was always around".
"So are you looking to date anyone at Rosewood?" Hanna asks brightly.
"No, I'm focused on my dancing, that's why we moved, so I could be coached by Alexei Sokolov and once I audition for his dance studio group and hopefully get accepted, it becomes my life until I can get into Juilliard or a ballet company, which ever comes first," I say honestly.
"You really want to be a ballerina," Alison looks at me curiously.
"I've dedicated my life to this, broken so many toes, fingers, and ankles, I'll be damned if I don't see this through. It's been all I've dreamt about since I was a little girl," I say and I hear my phone buzzing. "Guys, I have to take this," and exit the house.
"Hey papa," I say and open FaceTime.
"Hey sweetie, I just wanted to see how you were settling in," he responds still dressed in his ACUs.
"I'm doing fine, I went to the studio today," I reply excitedly.
"That's great Emmy, I'm proud of you for following your dreams and never giving up, you make me so proud," he smiles.
"You're the hero dad," I smile back.
"That's a daddy's girl, now I have something to tell you and you have to be strong," he says in a familiar tone.
"NO!" I say sharply.
"Emily, listen to me, it's my duty, I have to go," he says and I look down not wanting to speak anymore. "Now I know how you get, that's why I asked Cade to go with you guys and stay a bit longer".
"Where? Where are you leaving us for now?" I ask harshly.
"Syria," he lets out a deep sigh and I choke back a sob as tears crowd in my eyes.
"It's not fair dad," I say softly.
"Damn it Emily! I'm trying here. I have to go, I'll be in Rosewood in a week before I go to Texas to train and then I leave at the end of the month. This is the life I chose and I'm sorry you're paying," he openly cries now.
"You're going to fight ISIS aren't you?" I ask.
"I can't tell you that, you know," he says and I nod. "Be strong for Daddy, and I'll see you soon," he says.
"Lieutenant Colonel Fields," someone calls him.
"I have to go sweetie, I love you," he says and blows a kiss in to the screen and I follow suit before it disconnects and I let the tears flow freely before I suck them back up and put on a brave face. I stand there for a while and let my emotions settle and my eyes to return back to normal. I really wish my dad wasn't in the military, but he found something that makes him feel whole and he's doing something only few people can, and I had to accept it a long time ago that he leaves for extended periods of time and he may not return at all, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow that lump every time I saw his retreating form.