Pain, that's the only feeling my body could register. I had woken up before dawn to sneak in my house to retrieve my bag. After quietly exiting I revved up my car and made my way to the school and I've been here ever since. I saw the sun come up on my way in and it was beautiful, but it wasn't enough for distraction. I needed to let out my emotions, but the only one that came forward was my anger. I was filled with molten rage at my father and the stupid military, that I was useless and couldn't do anything about it. It felt like I wasn't enough for him to stay, like he was itching to be stuck in some desert instead of with his family.
"You know why you can't nail that move right?" Kyle's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.
"Not today Kyle," I saw through sweat and clenched teeth.
"Your anger is controlling you, not the other way around," he says still not getting the message.
"I said not today Kyle," I say a bit louder but he's unfazed.
"Your clenched teeth don't scare me ballerina," he says before turning off the music and plugging in his own iPod. "This is a song that will fit you right now".
"What is it?" I ask.
"It's Sparrow by Miika Mettianinen," he replies and takes my hand. He hugs my hips from behind and taps my legs to let me know to get on pointe as we cross the room. The music once again flowing through me, I don't make the move in time. "Stop, let go of the thoughts and just dance, your emotions and whatever it is, it's holding you back. Just flow, let the anger extend through your fingers," he instructs before picking me up and I suck in my stomach self-consciously. I try to tune out the fact that my father's leaving once again and calm my heart rate. We look so beautiful in the mirror, so graceful and blended. He dips me back and my hair falls out of its bun after hours of being tossed around. We end with his arms wrapped around my waist and looking into my eyes. "You feel ready to work on something else?" he asks and I nod. This beautiful but sad melody plays and I feel him pick me up as I wrap my hands softly around his head and lean my head back. I close my eyes and let the feel of his breath on my breasts take over. He gently puts me down and we do a triple pirouette that transitions into a Three Double and one Triple Fouettés en Tournant. Before the song comes to an end he asks, "the Cheshire cat lift," I want to say no because last time ended horribly with my old partner, but I'm starting to trust him lifting me in the air. I run a little and he lifts me and pushes me a little into the air as I straighten my legs and once I'm securely placed in his arms I feel safe. He twirls me around until the end of the song and I can't help but giggle like a schoolgirl. "You're beautiful from down here," he says and I blush a little.
"You're not so bad yourself flexing those muscles," I respond back and he moves me around before I'm back on the ground. "Thank you Kyle," I say seriously.
"Not a problem, it's not safe dancing when you're angry that's how you end up with stress fractures or worse, so I'm glad I could help out," he says.
"Hey Emily, we've been looking for you," the girls come bounding into the studio.
"Well hello guys," I say a little guilty. "I just came here".
"You left without saying a word," Spencer said.
"Sorry, I like to get in early practices," I say to them.
"Who's this?" Hanna asks.
"Guys this is Kyle, Kyle these are my friends Hanna, Spencer, Alison, and Aria," I introduce them and he waves.
"Guys, I can catch up with you later, I'm going to be here for a while," I say to them, but Alison shakes her head.
"No, we want to see you dance," she smiles.
"We're going to perfect that performance, I think it'd be a great audition piece," he says and the beginning chords to the Cinematic Orchestra begins to play. I see the girls go off to the side and usually I'm not shy about dancing, but there's a difference between hip-hop and ballet and a party and studio time. I look at him warily and he picks up on it, so instead of speaking he grabs my hands as they sit off to the side in their chairs. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Once I'm standing I feel him behind me as he places his hand around my collarbone and we're once again trapped in the music. "Now instead of the regular pirouette, I want you to do a leg hold pirouette, show me," he instructs and walks away a little bit at I attempt it, but I fail, getting caught up in my emotions again. I remembered the first time I did it back in 4th grade and I just had to show my dad. "Emily snap out of it," he says sternly. "Again," he says and I do it again and again and again until I feel slightly dizzy. "Get out of your anger and do the damn thing," he says and I try it again but fail, so I try to do a triple pirouette and then a leg hold for ten seconds before attempting it. "That's it!" he says once I nail it.
"Sorry for taking so long," I say and he shakes his head.
"It's alright, we get stuck in our head sometimes," he says and I nod.
"Can you put on another instrumental?" I ask and he nods.
"Yeah shared my playlist with you on YouTube, I have to go," he says and packs up his stuff. "But here's one you should definitely listen to," he presses play and runs out the room.
"Asshole!" I yell when I hear the Exorcist theme song, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be to dance to. I stand on pointe begin moving across the room where I transition into a triple pirouette. I nail it with ease before attempting to do a Kitri Grand Jeté. I've been practicing this move for 6 months and I still can't extend my right foot all the way back. I fall on the floor and see the girls gasp and get up but I hold up my hand to let them know I'm okay. I try again and this fall is worse than the last time, but I'm determined. I'm pushing myself to the bone because I want to be the best, when I walk into the audition I want to know my moves like the back of my hands. I try again and again and I feel tears trying to form at the corner of my eyes.
"Stop this!" Cade says bursting in. "I've watched you for the past half hour trying to get this move. You're going to hurt yourself," he says but I ignore him and attempt it again.
"Fuck," I say loudly when I land on the floor.
"Just give up," he says and I glare at him.
"Never," I spit back at him before getting up with a slight limp before attempting it again and again.
"I can't watch this anymore," he says from the corner.
"Then leave, no one asked you to be here, oh wait, that's a lie, my father did," I say angrily and recognition flashes on his face.
"So you talked to your dad?" he asks but gets no response as I feel the anger building up in me. "I see, so that's why you're here hurting yourself. I bet you've been here before dawn..." he says and I try to interrupt. "Don't fucking lie Emily," he yells and I go quiet. He hasn't used that tone in a long time. "I'm tired of going through this shit, I will not go through what we went through back home," he says angrily and I set him a cold glare. I stand up again and limp to the corner before running and attempting it and I thought I finally got it but I feel arms wrap around me tightly.
"Let me go Cade!" I say loudly pounding on his chest.
"No," he says.
"I said let me go! I want to go," I say finally breaking down. "It has to be perfect. It has to be perfect!" I repeat beating his chest viciously.
"Nothing is perfect," he says squeezing my shoulders but I push him away.
"Yes there is and I will get there," I say confidently. "Now I need to get this move before my audition and you can either stand off to the side or you can leave," I give him an ultimatum and he presses his lips into a fine line before going to stand by the girls. I wipe away the little tears and attempt the move. After 7 times of landing on the floor awkwardly, I jump into the air, feeling weightless as my foot touches my head when I lean back and the other is straight ahead. I land perfectly before I let out a sigh. I want to smile that I finally nailed the move, but I'm not happy. Instead I do it again and again to make sure I don't lose it. A melody that I connected with so well began to take over my head and I let my emotions pour through and extend through my fingers. I imagine that Kyle was here lifting me as I perform a series of jumps, the air blowing past my ears between my locks. I transition to a leg hold pirouette, then dropping into regular pirouette and smoothly sliding into a penché when the music finishes.
"Your still so beautiful every time you dance," I hear Cade say behind me. I ignore his compliment and slide into a split bending, pushing and pull my feet as I try to stretch a little more. I stand up and move my legs in rotation before lifting it up and putting it down fast. After a few moments I do the needle move. I hold it for a few seconds before letting it down slowly. I got to the barre and stretch again before sinking to the floor to remove my pointe shoes. I see that my feet are all bloodied and bruised and I suck my teeth at the sight. I pull out my wraps but they're taken away. "Let me," he looks down sympathetically and I nod. He starts from my ankle and once he gets to a sensitive part I feel a tear leave as my other leg starts to shake. "Hold still Nani," he says softly while I bite on a finger and close my eyes. Once he's done with one foot he starts wrapping the other. "Okay done," he pats my knee.
"Thanks Cade," I say before standing and I have a huge limp.
"Girls meet us at the house," he says to them as he picks me up knowing I can barely walk and they nod softly. "I'm driving," he smiles before putting me in the passenger seat. "I found your daughter," he says carrying me into the house.
"Put me down before she sees," I say to him and there's no room for protesting. He sets me down on my feet gently.
"Let me guess, you were in the studio," my mom says coming from the kitchen.
"Of course mom," I smile at her.
"You alright sweetie? You look kind of pale," she says and I know my face is constricted to hide the pain. "Did you hurt yourself practicing? I told you about going to hard…" she begins to ramble but I cut her off.
"No mom, I'm fine just tired," I say lamely and she gives me a look of doubt before I walk normally and begin up the steps, "see".
"Alright, if you say so," she says. "Just go on upstairs, Emily I expect you to give your father a call, and take a shower before dinner," she says.
"I talked to him last night," I tell her and she looks surprised
"Oh, I see, are you okay?" she asks and I roll my eyes.
"Yes mom, everything's fine," I say before going up the stairs, but I can still hear them.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of her," I hear Cade say to her and she lets out a sigh of relief before I hear footsteps following behind me.
"Come on stinky," he says holding his hand over his nose while pushing me into the bathroom. He starts the bath water and pours in some bubbles before sitting on the edge while I sit on the toilet. "Up here," he pats his leg and I put my feet on it as he begins to unravel the wrap and crinkle his nose.
"It's not that bad," I roll my eyes at him,
"Do you really want to be on my end?" he jokes.
"You should be used to it anyway," I smile at him. After they're unwrapped I see the water's almost ready so I try to take off my leotard, but my arms are oddly stiff.
"I got you," he says and removes the straps and pulls it down and takes my tights with it. I step into the bath water and my muscles relax as best they could.
"Thanks Cade, I really needed this," I smile at him.
"So did everyone else," he says holding out my clothes as far away from him as possible and tosses it into the hamper.
"If you wanted a massage all you had to do was ask, no need to work yourself to death to get a free one," he smiles while sitting on the toilet.
"Mhmm whatever, so are you going to stare all night or are you going to get in?" I ask and he has no trouble finding his answer. He strips down and climbs in behind me.
"We haven't done this in a while," he comments and I nod. I hear the water shift as he moves to get the cloth and soap and I feel the substance on my back signaling that he's washing me. He massages my scalp and washes my hair and 20 minutes later we're both clean. I wrap a towel around me as he does him and we walk out to see the girls sitting around my room, eyes shifting between Cade and me. He clears his throat slightly before saying, "I'm going to put on clothes, be back," and exits the room.
"Want to explain?" Hanna asks with a smile playing on her lips.
"We just took a bath," I say with a frown.
"Talk about intimate," Aria breathes out.
"What are you guys talking about?" I ask.
"Taking a bath with a guy you claim to have no feelings for, hmmm kinda suspicious," Hanna says.
"Guys we're just friends, we've always taken baths and showers together," I say not thinking anything of it as I put on a matching red lace bra and panties. I limp over to my drawer.
"When did you have time to decorate your room?" Alison asks.
"I didn't, Cade probably did it," I say.
"Oh my God, you let him touch your stuff?" Hanna asks in shock.
"It's no biggie, she even lets me organize her panties. She's so messy and unorganized that one of us has to be," he jokes before entering the room. He's still shirtless and dripping with water but he has on shorts and adidas slides.
"Hey!" I punch him slightly as he sits on the bed. "Where are my pajamas?" I ask him.
"You don't sleep with clothes on," he says and I nod.
"Yeah, I mean like shorts or something, I can't stay like this," I roll my eyes.
"Sure you can, you don't mind right girls?" he asks and the girls chuckle and shake their head. "I don't mind, they don't mind, so see you're fine".
"Shut up!" I say and ruffle his wet hair while climbing on the bed and resting against the pillows.
"Fine, I was going to FaceTime Matt from back home, I guess I can stay like this," I joke and his face turns to stone. The reaction I wanted.
"Whatever," he says before getting up to get a pair of shorts and a tank top. He throws them at me and I gratefully accept.
"So Cade, tell us more about you," Hanna demands.
"What do you want to know?" he asks and pulls my feet into his lap. He puts ointment and bandages on the cuts and starts to massage them and I can't help but moan.
"Oh my god," I say with a breathy moan. "That feels really good," I compliment and he sends me a smile.
"Well what is your ethnicity, like are you Hawaiian?" she asks and Aria rolls her eyes.
"Nice Han," she mumbles.
"No, I'm Samoan," he chuckles. "But I was born and raised in Hawaii".
"So what do you do for a living?" she asks.
"Well I'm going into my sophomore year at college, I play football at the University of Hawaii," he smiles at her.
"Ooh a college boy, what do you study?" she asks excitedly.
"I'm a double major in Environmental Design and Mathematics," he says.
"Oh God, who likes math? Its like hieroglyphics looking back at you on a paper," she says and everyone explodes in laughter.
"Ah it's not so bad," he smiles.
"So what do you want to do with that?" Spencer asks.
"Go into commercial real estate, my family has our own real estate company and it has been passed down for generations," he explains while starting to wrap my feet up.
"Oh that's so…" Aria was about to say but was cut off by my mom bursting through the door.
"Oh sweetie," she says and lets out a large breath.
"Mom, are you okay?" I say jumping towards her but it turns into a limp.
"Yes, everything is okay, someone's here to see you though," she says.
"What? Who? Where?" I ramble before looking at the door.