Chapter 5, Reflections

We lay there for a while, Kyoya didn't say anything more and I couldn't find the heart to break the silence. The others must have been pretty confused about the chain of events of late but none would be as confused as I was. I cuddled myself deeper into Kyoya's arms and sighed. It would only be a few months since I was being held in Tamaki's after the school fair. How long had he liked me I wondered, and how blind had I been to not notice it?

Sure, there must have been a small attraction. The night he looked after me when it was storming outside it was true I felt safe in his arms, I was glad he was there with me in a dark, forgiving bedroom-
But that doesn't mean I like him anymore than as a friend. When then was it that I started liking Kyoya? The first time I ever saw him was when he was telling me I owed a ludicrous amount for smashing the vase. The stupid smirk that graced his face was one I was now all too familiar with. Every time I slipped up (literally sometimes) and became further in debt it was the same expression. His dark brown eyes crinkled at the side and that effortless shrug which really meant anything but. It was the shrug of 'you can do what you want' on the surface but at the same time his fist would clench and then release, just once, to display his power. He had full control and he liked it.

But then there was the look he gave when he knew he had no power to a situation, when Tamaki was eloping with Lady Éclair, his forehead was pinched and his hand clenched in a fist until he could find a solution. His deep eyes, swimming with gold flecks of light showed how he felt on the inside. It was one of the rare occasions when you could see what he was thinking through his calm mask. I'd seen the look as he left the table only a few hours ago and it sent a stabbing to my heart.

His chest pillowed and then relaxed, his warm breath lightly picking up the thinnest of strands from my hair. Without looking at him I could feel the small smile that played upon his lips, for it was the very same one that played upon mine. Suddenly I felt a whole lot better, my body no longer was racing and it succumbed to his easy vibe. I slowed my breathing to match his and traced over his chest with my finger as I reflected some more.

Once more the twins startled faces entered my mind when I called them correctly by name, there seemed to be something that I would need to resolve. The devilish smiles and the humour they hid behind, often cruelly at the expense of others. Hiding was their specialty especially behind each other. Maybe that was why they were so surprised when I could tell them apart, maybe they didn't want to be told apart.
I used to be very similar when mum passed away, the shell that I built up was huge and to think if someone had just ripped it away in one shocking statement or chain of words…

I could never really tell what each of them wanted, I think Hikaru wanted me to see more of him then Kaoru did, or maybe he wanted to abolish the boundaries for both of them more strongly then Kaoru could even fathom. Kaoru doesn't reflect as much as Hikaru does and would be more concerned about me breaking down his barriers…

Kyoya reached his arm from out under me and pressed his smooth finger to my forehead, which was clenched in a frown.

"You shouldn't worry so much, you'll get wrinkles" He smiled in that way that proved he was a host.

"Maybe I want wrinkles" I replied grumpily at being broken from train of thought. At this Kyoya raised an eyebrow.

"I suppose you'll have a certain character to you,"

"Don't I already?"

"Well yes, but…never mind Haruhi" he sighed exasperated.

"Kyoya?" I asked removing myself from his grip to look him in the eye.

"Yes?" he replied.

"I was just wondering…"

I was just wondering when it was you decided to like me, why me of all people? I am a commoner for crying out loud. What about your family? What will happen now? Will this hurt your relationship with Tamaki?

"Yes Haruhi?" He repeated, brushing some hair from my forehead. Butterflies danced in my tummy and up to my throat. I bit down on my lip and frowned trying to find what I wanted to ask again. He sighed and ran his hand through his jet, black hair.

"I'm going to have to talk to Tamaki soon, no doubt he'll be devastated by my reaction. He approached me a few weeks earlier and I was so caught up in planning finances I barely looked up from my computer, only half absorbing his words. I should have said something then rather than encouraging him. I suppose I wasn't sure of my feelings, you are after all, and don't take offense to this, a commoner"

"No offense taken,"

"Good, well you stood up for me at the fair maybe that meant more to me than it should. Proved that I meant more to you than well…what I had originally thought. Whilst I knew you liked me Haruhi, I couldn't help thinking that you secretly hated me, I was after all, forcing you into all of Tamaki's schemes and making you pay more to stay with me."

"Sorry?"

"Oh…don't worry about it"

"No…Kyoya, did you say you made me pay more so I would not just stay with the club but rather stay with you?"

He grumbled a little bit and when he replied his voice was rough and embarrassed.

"Maybe…"

I thought for a moment, deciding whether I should be angry or flattered.

"They were stupid things I charged you for, an accident and I shouldn't have threatened you so much. I just was afraid you'd leave me…us. I wanted to understand you is all" he said, clearing his throat. I sat up slowly and ignored his hand that went up to steady me. My cheeks felt warm and my limbs clammy still with the sweat of earlier. Kyoya looked worried and was about to start on an apology when I cut him off with a finger to his soft, rose lips.

"Tell me about your family, why did you give the company back to your father, after all wasn't it everything you had ever wanted?" I said quietly, and slipping my other hand under his shirt drawing patterns on his exposed. He looked up at me and smiled gently.

"I suppose I just found something I wanted more"

I grimaced; I knew this was going to be his answer. But also knew it was not the full truth either.

"No, there is something more to it. You can tell me, I'm always going to be here for you no matter what"

"I know Haruhi, I'll tell you another day though. There is enough that has happened today for you to think about without me adding more complex details"

"I want to know Kyoya"

"And you will. Just not today" he said bringing a hand to my cheek and I closed my eyes and sighed at his gentle touch. His hand snaked its way to the back of my head and tousled itself in my hair applying a little force to encourage my head down to meet his.

I pressed my forehead to his and felt my lips part slightly as my eyes closed. His soft lips brushed against mine. I kissed him lightly and turned my head opening both of our mouths. His tongue slid into my mouth and played next to mine as we deepened the kiss. My breathing became really shallow until finally it got to the point where I had to break away, sealing it with a peck on the lips. Mental note, remember to breath.

I pulled back further, startled by a sudden knock at the door. Kyoya looked to me startled and slipped out from under the half of me that had clambered above him. He put his hands on my shoulders and whispered to me telling me to pretend I was asleep. I silently obeyed and sunk back down into the bed and watched him approach the door, combing his hair with his fingers. He turned back around to me when he placed his hand on the door handle and I closed my eyes hoping I was as good as acting as the call of duty required.