Heh, my bias is clear. Die Riley, die. :)

Enjoy!

Riley

She seemed so nice. Normal. Quirky, yeah, certainly not average, if you think that's what I'm trying to say. But I wasn't read the disclaimer, the one where I was warned I was dating the slayer. And that her ex-boyfriend was a murderous fiendish vampire intent on torturing me to death. Her best friend, if I hurt her, maybe. Though she'd probably just hex me.

She was a pretty, blonde, athletic, collage student. So was I. Well, not pretty but, oh you know. But we had so many secrets, ones that even once we both said we had come clean with each other, lingered between us. She was always in love with that damned vampire.

And I had some insecurities about dating the Slayer. Did it bug me that my girlfriend could kick my ass with little effort. Hell yeah. Part of me is always just gonna be a simple Iowa boy. I wanted to be the man to her lady.

She never loved me. I get that now. It was always him. Always Angel. And once I found out about him, man was I upset. It took a little while to sink in because it was a bit of a shock to discover that your girlfriend, the Vampire Slayer, had been in love with a vampire. And needless to say I was even less happy when I actually met him. Buffy honestly seemed surprised that I thought he didn't have a soul and clearly didn't want me to criticize him.

Honestly, looking into the eyes of an enraged, jealous, super-strong vampire was an experience that I could have gone without. Now that I have met him without his soul I think I better understand the difference. Or maybe not. The amount of pain I was in tends to do things to your brain. Though I guess I don't have one here, it is just my soul, right?

Anyway, as many issues as there were between Buffy and me, I began to fall even harder for her. Her mom adored me, her sister seemed okay with me, and her friends were the ones who encouraged my interest in the first place, so they can't have been too upset. (That was another clue I missed, she didn't pick me, her friends did). I kind of become obsessed with her. With the collapse of The Initiative, I lost my focus, she became the thing I based my life around. It wasn't exactly healthy, but our relationship seemed so bright and shiny and right at the time.

One thing I've noticed about Buffy is that, for good or for ill, she tends o draw people's attention to her. When she walks in the room, even as silently as she can do it, you have to look at her. It's like a compulsion, she unwittingly forced you to acknowledge her. People tend to gravitate toward her. She gives our lives purpose and we love her for it. But we resent that she doesn't do the same to us. Everyone close to her, though I don't know if she picked up on it, based their lives on her. We need her, but she doesn't need us. She relies on our support and help, sure, but without us, she still has a life.

Even hostile 17….. That was a good example, someone who totally loathed her became infatuated with her. It was typical, simply because she was Buffy. I think I put her on this pedastool she didn't want to deal with.

Then realized I didn't have her attention anymore, she was wrapped up in her mother and sister. Selfishly, I couldn't tolerate that. And then I started thinking about our relationship. She had never once told me that she loved me. Ever. Then I knew it was the end.

I left. I left for South America. And I met Sam, my wife. I loved her, and she really loved me. Something I know Buffy never did. I was happy, I think. Then I had to go back to Sunnydale.

My God. I never expected to find what I found there. The girl I had been hoping to see to prove I was over her (immature, I know) had died. Died to save her sister and the world. I still can't imagine a world without her. But she had been resurrected. And there was something wrong with her. I knew. I guess I won't ever know what but it still worried me.

You know what else worried me? I still had feelings for her. Old lust, passion, admiration, resentment, envy; they were all stirred up. Then I knew. I would never get over Buffy Summers. It was impossible to do. I still don't know anyone who did. So I decided that I would never see her again if I could help it. It may have been a good decision. Because the last time I saw her, she was watching me die with an avid interest as her demon lover wrangled one last scream from my broken down corpse.

I don't know what happened but I got that Angel had lost his soul again. This time he had turned Buffy and, he gloated to me, he was going to have her forever. I guess even the most monstrous, cruel, inhuman creatures are not immune to her.

I regret ever meeting that amazing, horrible, wonderful golden haired girl.

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