Chapter 11, His Tears Meant More

Angry, I kicked up the dirt with my soft shoes not caring about their lack of shine. I walked ahead of everyone feeling all of their eyes staring into the back of my head. I was frustrated, betrayed and above all sick. Everyone had approached me begging for forgiveness, everyone except the one who had hurt me the most. Kyoya stood to the back of the group talking to the police officers, ushering off other market goers. How dare he be so sure I would steal from him, he thought I was a fraud. That I was as low as that stupid woman in the tent, my bitterness was radiating through my skin. I felt like I had a permanent ring of dark red light around me. It was getting really dark and as we were a way off the main road there was very little light. I heard someone run up beside me, biting my tongue I prepared to yell at whoever it was the moment they opened their mouth. I glanced up out of my thick eyelashes to see Tamaki's strong frame beside me, his face staring forward and his long legs walking slow to match my fast pace. I bit down on my lip fighting back tears, somehow his silence was so much more emotional then if he tried to console me. The others voices had dropped back and without looking back I could tell that we were already a fair way ahead. Tamaki sighed and brushed a few leaves of small trees as we continued down the dirt track. I tried to figure out what he must be thinking; his face for once was giving nothing away. The further we got from the others, the calmer I got and I started to relax my shoulders, which had been stiff ever since the future teller. Sensing my submission and return to calm, Tamaki looked over at me and offered me a small smile. It was sad, but full of hope. I returned it and I hoped that it didn't resemble a sneer, I was still angry and whilst I had nothing against Tamaki I couldn't help my emotions escaping.

The cars appeared a little way off into the distance and I slumped, I really wasn't up for sitting in the car cramped up with the others just yet. As if reading my mind Tamaki delicately took my hand and we walked off to the side taking a small side path that lead into the forest. Grateful I gave his hand a little squeeze. Once again he gave me the small sad smile, and instantly I couldn't help feeling bad. Once upon a time he had confessed his feelings for me and I had dismissed them for a boy who truly believed I would steal from him. Tears welled up in my eyes and I brushed them away briskly hoping Tamaki wouldn't notice. He did of course, but seeing my discomfort didn't say anything, I was grateful for his silence more than he could ever know. He was being incredibly kind to me considering how I had treated him. I reminded myself that the girls would be coming tomorrow and if I wanted a chance to talk to Tamaki, now was the time.

We sat down on an old fallen tree, the stars above us giving us enough light to make out the path around us. I think we must have been sitting looking at the stars for a few minutes before Tamaki opened his mouth,
"I'm sorry Haruhi,"

"Don't be Tamaki, it's not your fault" I replied, finding myself rebuilding up the anger I dissipated just before.

"Not about that silly girl" he smiled, looking back up at the stars. I turned my head, wondering what he meant. His beautiful eyes were shining in the starlight and I wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, but it almost looked like he was crying.

"I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, sometimes I can be so…self absorbed that I lose sight of what others want or need. You need security, but independence more than anything. And I wasn't giving you a choice I was just throwing myself at you ignoring the very notion that maybe you might have feelings for someone else."

"Sempai…" I started, wishing I could take the pain away from him. Sure he was annoying most of the time but right now, in this moment, he was so beautiful and so vulnerable I couldn't help wrapping my arms around him. He smiled again and reached his long tanned arm over my shoulder holding me tight.

"You're like no one I've ever met; you know people. You know me. I know I come across as an arrogant fool but I think the moment I knew you saw past that was the moment I lost sight of caring…" he said softly, I cuddled into his side and he brushed the short hair out of my eyes and sighed.

"You know, I never believed it was possible for someone to be such an ass. I think I knew you were going out of your way to be a pain from the first day I met you" I replied and he laughed softly.

"Seriously though Sempai…you have to know, the thing with Kyoya I think it was just me being caught in a moment. Forgetting what I really neede-"

"You don't need to explain yourself to me" he said softly cutting me off. I pulled away so I could look him in the eyes.

"Yes Tamaki, I think I do. I made a mistake, I hurt you and I hurt myself and I am sorry. I'm going to fix things though, I promise I will," I said firmly and he pulled me back into a hug.

"It annoys me you think you need to apologise," he sighed and I sat quietly.

After a little while he chuckled to himself and I looked up curiously.

"I think it's when you finally love someone you realise how stupid you are" he smiled and forced up another small laugh, digging me in the side. I rolled my eyes not sure if he was referring to me being in love with him or the other way around.

We sat that way for a minute; I took in his strong cologne, his steady breathing and the pure love radiating from every part of him. I sighed and leaned into his strong body, my head on his chest listening to his heart beat. He brushed my hair back and pulled me tighter against him as if he was almost afraid of losing me.

My heart began to catch when his breathing became slightly ragged, his body shook a little and I knew how hard it was for him to stay strong.

"I'm so sorry Haruhi" he whimpered, a small tear rolled down his cheek before he started shaking more. I looked up and moved up so I could pull him into my arms. He cried into my chest and I patted his soft golden hair and kissed his forehead.

"You're never going to lose me Sempai, I promise."

At this he cried harder and I held him closer. I rocked him back and forth crying myself silently at the situation I had found myself in. I couldn't bare it anymore. The stars watched us for a while, the unlikely duo crying together in the middle of a forest. I shooting star flew past and I closed my eyes my wet eyelashes pressed tight. I clenched my fists as hard as I could and wished for everything to be better.

I heard our names being called from a distance and Tamaki sat up briskly grinning his usual cheeky smile except it didn't quite meet his eyes. He moved so fast I almost laughed; I put my hand on his shoulder watching to see if he was going to be okay, he smiled again and nodded pulling me to my feet. He put his arm back around my shoulder saying something about how I was so short and brushed away his tears with his other arm. I bumped him, my natural response from being teased.

As we made it out of the woods I swallowed the lump in my throat and gripped him tight as he led me out of the woods. It was going to get better from now; I could put this behind me. I needed to become more than a girl who owed a debt, I needed to be a friend to those who mattered to me most. Even though I was still incredibly bitter about Kyoya, I bit down hard and stared ahead becoming composed. It was unimportant, the people who loved me knew who I was and this was all I needed.