"You look terrible," Alistair said as he watched Elissa's face. He smiled at her when she raised an eyebrow at him. "And that's saying something, considering we've seen each other battered and bloody." Her friends had just finished leaving the room after their impromptu comedy session, and Alistair was obviously still amused by the entire spectacle.

"Does this mean that you're not angry with me any more?" Elissa asked slowly. She wasn't sure whether or not she should press the issue. Alistair was not, ironically, treating her like she had the plague. "What changed your mind?"

Alistair's face fell a little at Elissa's observation. He looked down at his feet and ran a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture that Elissa had noticed when they were traveling together. "Yes, well. I might have overreacted just a bit." He sighed and looked back up at her. "After Orzammar, all I could think about was what might have happened if you had spared Loghain. And every time I thought of it, I got angry all over again. After all that time watching people suffer and die because of his decisions, being treated like criminals because he said we were, and trying to fix all the problems he created ..." Alistair sighed again. "To have allowed him to try the Joining after that..." He shook his head. "To me, it would have felt like rewarding him for all the wrong he did. But, I guess you knew that already." He grimaced at Elissa's nod.

"That was why I went ahead with the execution," she said softly.

"That's what Alfstanna said too. She asked me what the problem I had with you was, and so I told her about that conversation when you were leaving Orzammar."

"What did she say about it?" Elissa was curious about Alfstanna's response.

"Before or after she told me to grow up?" Alistair had averted his eyes again, this time studying the carpet. "She didn't say it in so many words, but she did start out with 'So, at what point did Elissa do something awful enough to throw away everything you had built with her?'" At this, Elissa's eyes widened, but before she could respond, he continued. "She then reminded me that you were the person who actually followed through with Loghain's execution, even though I was the one who was calling for it the loudest. And then she pointed out that by doing that, you had kept my hands clean of the whole thing and that if it had caused trouble, you were the one who would have been held accountable. After that, she informed me that if she ever did any of those sorts of things for me and I paid her back by ending things with her in front of all of our friends, that I would have several unpleasant things happen to my person." He shuddered a little. "Most of them involved ensuring that Calahad's line would end with me."

"How long ago was this?"

"A while ago now." Alistair looked at Elissa again, this time with an expression of guilt on his face. "I heard you when we found you sick outside the study. I've never hated you."

"You heard that." Elissa's voice was flat. "I," she paused, "I don't think I would have said that if I had known you were there." She looked down at her lap. "Even with how awful that meeting had gotten," she closed her eyes and sighed.

"Ugh, that whole thing was awkward," Alistair agreed. "I was going to have to send someone in for some cheese if it kept up." Elissa looked up at Alistair to find him smiling a little and raised an eyebrow in response. He reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. "I apologize for that too, by the way. I had no idea that things were that ugly between you and Fergus, or I would have held separate meetings." I'm surprised Alfstanna didn't say anything to him about Fergus disowning me. She must have thought that it would settle itself.

"No, you shouldn't have to schedule something like that around our squabbles." Elissa shook her head emphatically as she said this. "You're the king, after all. There has to be some benefit to it other than getting your cheeses delivered to your room." She attempted a small grin. "If we can't figure out a way to work in each other's presence ..." She stopped smiling. "I was serious about stepping down if necessary, Alistair. I trust your judgment on this. If you think we're hurting your rule, just let me know. We've already been training the current Wardens so that they can take over for us without a lot of fuss. We won't leave Ferelden without its best defense against darkspawn, like what happened to us during the blight."

Alistair shook his head. "I don't think it will come to that. I hope not, anyway." He shrugged uncomfortably before changing the subject. "By the way, I'm glad Zevran is on our side. We've had some assassination attempts at the palace, but because of his warnings, we had no problem stopping them."

Elissa sat up straighter. "Is everyone all right?" She was worried now. "What happened? Did you get proof it was Vaughan?"

Alistair shook his head. "There's no proof, but everyone is fine. The first time was the afternoon of that meeting. We had an archer wearing Howe insignia try to shoot me, but since Zevran warned us about the possibility of an attempt, Alfstanna saw and killed him while we were training." He shook his head. "It pays to be marrying an archer. This time, they actually found someone who was built a lot like Nathaniel. Word hadn't gotten out yet that you were sick and that he was here with you."

"We got lucky," Elissa said as she shuddered. "If Nathaniel had gone out that evening ..." She didn't need to complete the sentence. Alistair nodded.

Alistair looked at Elissa intently. "I know he has nothing to do with this. I would have tried to find a way to keep him safe. Anyway, with that warning, we kept extra watches. Zevran and Erlina were helpful, and Shianni helped us identify the trustworthy staff. Between them all, we've found out about two more attempts and put a stop to them before they even started." He grimaced. "There were more of those fake contracts that Zevran told us about at the meeting. They both had your name on them with that fake seal."

"A blessing in disguise," Elissa murmured, and Alistair nodded in agreement. "This would be a lot worse if I still had Mother's signet ring."

"Yes, it would be harder to explain." Alistair looked at Elissa, a question in his eyes. She shook her head, not wanting to talk about Fergus, and Alistair sighed. He actually looked like he was a little disappointed for a moment, but then his expression changed to something … Elissa couldn't quite read what it was. "Hey," he said softly. "I miss talking to you. Do you think we could try this friends thing again?" He blushed a little as he looked embarrassed. "I'll try to be less of an idiot and everything."

Elissa smiled at Alistair. "I'd like that," she said. "I missed talking to you too." They settled in and had a long chat.

-0-0-0-

Two days later, Elissa was still too sick to be out and about, but she was well enough to be completely and utterly bored with staying in bed. The constant stream of well-wishers was finally starting to slow down a little, giving Elissa a chance to breathe. She tried to be optimistic and reassured herself that it was a good thing so many people wanted to see her; her popularity hadn't started to really wane. Yet.

It was near the end of the afternoon, and the last visitor for the day had gone home, escorted by her Wardens to the door before they prepared for dinner. Finally alone, Elissa thought she might shuffle over to one of the chairs by the fireplace for a slight change of scenery and try to read something. She swung her feet off the bed and was preparing to stand when a knock sounded at the door. "Come in," she called, looking down at her feet to make sure they behaved the way she wanted. She was partly successful, managing to stand on her own and stay up, as she heard the door open and then shut a moment later.

"Elissa?" Her head shot up and she actually squeaked a bit as she fell backward into her bed, only barely managing to land in a seated position. She looked to the entrance of the room, shocked to hear the one voice she had actually given up on hearing again before Alistair's wedding. She blinked, then rubbed her eyes, then blinked again. Then she realized she was being an idiot and composed herself.

"Fer– er, Teyrn Cousland! I wasn't … uh … I didn't know that …" Perhaps she wasn't quite composed yet. She shut her mouth, tried to make her brain work, and tried again. "I thought it would be one of the Wardens, sorry." The look on Fergus' face showed how much he believed her poor attempt to cover her shock at seeing him there. "Please, come in and sit." Deciding that maybe she really was still too weak from several days of fevers to walk across the room by herself, she rearranged her own pillows. It kept her from gaping at her brother's presence, mostly, and gave her a chance to process her thoughts around the still-shocked parts of her mind. It didn't take long, much to her dismay, so she took a moment to adjust the blankets as well before finally resigning herself to facing her visitor. She eased herself back against the headboard of her bed and pulled the blankets up onto her lap, then finally looked up to see Fergus situated in one of the chairs that was a fair distance from the bed, but facing it. He was looking at her, his normally expressive face passive and unreadable.

They both sat, looking at each other, each waiting for the other to speak. Elissa's discomfort grew exponentially for every moment that there was silence. Finally, she broke their gaze and looked down at her lap. She was surprised to see her hands twisting there. I haven't done that in a while. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, then the silence became overbearing and she couldn't let it be. She let out the breath before breaking the silence. "Thank you for coming, your grace. I … am honored." That's what the banns used to say when we would visit them, right? Elissa was far more used to the training that she and Fergus had sat through on the etiquette they needed as the more powerful members of a gathering. Being on the opposite side made Elissa aware of how little she had paid attention to the niceties.

She heard a sigh, but didn't dare look up. She was trying to decide if that was because she was more afraid of what she might see or uncomfortable that he was actually there. She concentrated, instead, on willing her hands to still as they continued to move nervously in her lap, when suddenly she saw a large calloused hand rest on top of them to still them. "That always made me crazy. I'd get nervous just watching you fret." Elissa looked up as Fergus sat on the edge of her bed facing her. He wasn't looking at her face, instead choosing to concentrate on his hand covering hers and keeping them hidden. She noted that he didn't look angry this time, although it was really hard for her to read what he was feeling. He must have learned that from Mother, for Father certainly never had learned to hide his true feelings all that well.

He cleared his throat and shifted a little, but kept his gaze downward. "They said that you almost died from the fevers." He barely glanced at her before looking back down again. "You still look pale."

Elissa nodded, mostly to herself since Fergus wasn't looking at her. "I don't remember much from the first few days," she admitted. "Mostly I remember being dunked into freezing cold water repeatedly." At this, Fergus winced. "Other than that, I wasn't particularly coherent." She chuckled a little, and Fergus looked up at her with surprise on his face. "I didn't know that they were worried for my life, but..." She shrugged. "It would have been … anticlimactic … to live through the blight and the civil war and the bloody archdemon only to be felled by a child's disease."

Fergus managed to smile a little bit at that. "You always were contrary."

Elissa grimaced. "Well, I suppose I prefer contrary to wayward." She looked down again. Fergus still had her hands covered with one of his. She didn't quite know what to do about that, so she let it be.

"Yes, well ..." Fergus sounded hesitant, and Elissa looked back at him to see that, if possible, he was avoiding her gaze further. "I talked to Alistair. He told me about why things ended between you two." He paused a minute, but Elissa felt no need to respond, so he continued. "Is it really worth giving up all chance to have your own children, to continue the family line? I thought you always wanted children. Maker knows I could barely pry you away from Oren." He looked as distressed as he sounded. "What happens if you give up everything for him and things don't work out? You'd have nothing." He lowered his voice. "The family line can end over this. Is it really that unimportant to you?"

Elissa looked closely at Fergus. He looked wearier and much older than when she'd seen him last. He's not able to move on past Oriana yet. That's what all this has been about! The realization startled her more than it probably should have. She gathered her thoughts for a bit, then started to talk.

"I need to explain some things, I think." Fergus slowly raised his head and looked at her. "I need you to hear me out so that you understand all of this. Do you think you can?"

"I'll try." Fergus' brows were furrowed, causing a wrinkle between his eyes. It was as close as a promise as she would get, so she decided to explain what she could.

"All right." Elissa took a deep breath and began. "Grey Wardens keep a number of secrets. Important ones. It's out of necessity, but it also separates us from other people. When you combine that with the difficulty in having children and the need to be away from home for long periods of time ..." She sighed. "Let's just say that out of all the married Wardens I've met, only one of those marriages was not … compromised. I'm not really willing to marry someone who will never understand me, especially because I would have to keep secrets from him. Not after seeing what is possible, watching Mother and Father and you and Oriana. I won't do that to someone I pledge to spend the rest of my life with. For that reason alone, I would never consider marrying someone who isn't a Warden. I'd be dooming both of us to misery." Fergus stayed silent, so she continued.

"Even if I was to go against that, it would be pointless to marry for the sake of having children. I can't have children at all." At this, Fergus' eyes widened.

"But Alistair said there was a chance at having children if one of the parents isn't a Warden!"

"Normally that would be true," Elissa agreed. "But in my case, I'm completely barren. I was injured severely when we fought the archdemon, and ..." In this case, words seemed inadequate, so she removed her hands from under Fergus', covered her hips with the blanket and shifted the nightgown so that Fergus could see the scar on her abdomen. Fergus stared at the scar, the vertical line running from her navel and disappearing into the blanket, and his eyes widened further. "The blade ran me through," she continued quietly. "It missed my spine by about an inch." He shuddered and closed his eyes briefly. She let her nightgown drop back down and covered the scar. "So, that decision was made for me."

Fergus' expression showed grief and despair. He looked the way that Elissa had felt when she first found out the extent of her injuries. He stopped looking at her and turned away from her, turning back only after he had schooled his expression into something that appeared more neutral. Elissa waited to see if he would say anything, and after a brief internal struggle, he looked up again.

"I … I don't know if ..." He stopped, took a breath, then started again. "I don't know if I can move on from Oriana. I … what do we do if I can't? The teyrnir … after so long ..." He shook his head. "There is no Cousland heir." He ran a hand through his hair. "I feel like we're letting the entire Cousland family down if we don't continue the family line." He looked lost now. "What do we do?" He was whispering, almost to himself, but she could hear him clearly.

It was Elissa's turn to reach out. She took one of his hands in hers. "We do the best we can," she replied, keeping her voice soft. "You don't have to rush things. I know how much you loved each other, and you don't need to hurry up and produce an heir. If, after a while, you meet someone ..." she shrugged. "If you don't, well, then, it will be what it will be. Father and Mother would only have pushed you because they loved having children in the house. And since you're a man, you don't have to worry about a deadline as much as a woman would."

Fergus grimaced. "I don't want to be some lecherous old man with a trophy wife either." The very thought made him shudder. "I just …" He sighed. "Are you really all right with us being the last of the Couslands?" He looked at Elissa in disbelief.

Elissa shrugged. "I'm not exactly in a position to help out here. So, yes, if that's the way things turn out, then I'll be all right with it. If you decide not to remarry, then find someone you trust enough to take over the teyrnir and train that person." She squeezed Fergus' hand gently. "The one thing I've learned the past few years is that making your own family can be more important than blood."

"Is that what this … thing … with Howe is about?" The attack was so unexpected, so sudden, that Elissa actually recoiled as if Fergus had slapped her. Fergus continued angrily as he yanked his hand away from her. "He's more important to you than me? Than your own brother?"

"What would you have done if it had been Oriana?" Elissa snapped. The words slipped out before she had a chance to consider their impact. Fergus' expression changed from anger back to disbelief before he settled on a wounded look. That could have gone better. Elissa sighed, suddenly ashamed of using Fergus' grief against him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ..." She sighed again. "I'm sorry." She looked away.

"Why him?" Fergus chose to speak again after a brief period of silence. His voice sounded frustrated and tired. "Why did it have to be the son of the man who destroyed our lives? I don't know if I can ever get past that after learning what happened at the castle." Fergus sighed. "I can not and will not forget that it happened." He sighed again. "How can you see his face and not be reminded of that night every time?"

"It did, for a while." Elissa turned back to face Fergus. This was too important; she felt the need to say this to him while looking at him. "But then I realized that if I let Rendon's actions rule me, when he couldn't do anything to me any more, it was then that he would win." She saw his eyes widen. She shrugged. "After that, I took the time to get to know Nathaniel better and learned that not only is he a good man, we understand each other." She paused to let this information sink in. "I love him, Fergus." She ignored her brother's gasp of surprise and continued. "He and I have helped each other get through most of the ugliness in our lives. Together, we're much more than two individuals – I'd like to think we're both better people because of being together. I'd be a fool to throw all that away because of who his father was."

Fergus stayed silent. She waited, letting him have the time he needed to process everything she said. Finally, his shoulders slumped. "I don't think I can accept him in my life, Elissa. There's too much there. I just can't." He stopped looking at her then and studied his hands in his lap.

Elissa understood, so she tried to swallow the disappointment. It made for a rather large lump in her throat. "All right," she said sadly.

Fergus looked up again and studied her face. "You're choosing him, aren't you." It wasn't a question, but she answered him anyway.

"I wish I didn't have to make that choice, but … yes." Elissa watched Fergus sigh one last time before he nodded silently and stood. He didn't look back as he walked out the door.

Nathaniel walked in not five minutes later and took one look at her face before climbing onto the bed, boots and all, and putting his arms around her. "I was hoping that the lack of shouting meant that things had gone well," he murmured into her hair. "That wasn't the case, I take it."

"We talked, so it wasn't a complete loss. I just failed to change his mind." Elissa's voice was muffled, but she kept her face buried in Nathaniel's shirt. His scent and warmth were keeping her grounded. She sighed. "It's done now."

"I'm sorry." He squeezed her gently.

"Me too."