Chapter 15 Friendship

We kissed and I felt the tears rolling down my cheek. My hair was still damp from the pool and his hands eagerly caressed my body. For a second I let down my defences and I almost succumbed to this almost perfect moment but my heart gave way and told me better. I broke away gently.

His dark eyes looked into mine, still solemn but filled with hope.

"Sempai…" I started,

"Yes, my love?" he replied, smiling softly. I frowned at him, and sat back with the meters distance between us.

"We cannot do this. I don't know what I felt for you at the beginning but now I know that I can never love you the way you love me. You are controlling, possessive, jealous, manipulative and always too cool and collected. You're utterly wrong for me in everyway. The past few days have been some of the worst days of my life and as much as I care about you I cannot submit myself to this life. You've treated me terribly and in a bid to speak to me you've manipulated me again without seeing it as something wrong or cruel. I am attracted to you and that confuses me, but I know that I love you as nothing more than a friend and I think it would be healthier for both of us if it remained that way. If I am to be with someone, he would need to be someone who has been honest from the start and not just in his affections but in his intentions and his actions. I'm sorry Sempai, I hope you understand," I said quietly, my voice shook a little during my speech and though it hurt I tried to maintain eye contact.

After all I had been through I couldn't fathom a life with Kyoya even though I would be lying if I said I didn't want to. I thought about forgiving him to reconcile the rejection but as of today I promised myself to be honest with how I felt and to act on it. I could feel my mum smiling proudly down from heaven at my choices and for the first moment this year I was sure of my actions and I planned to stand by them. My mind finally felt relaxed and in tune with my heart.

Kyoya sat in silence for a moment and his eyes betrayed a look of disappointment before he shook his hair and began to wipe his glasses with his t-shirt. "Very well, I understand Haruhi, I hope eventually we can be friends. I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you and I hope for my sake that I can change my ways although somehow I don't think I can ever be the person you would like me to be."

I put my hand on his shoulder and he smiled dryly before standing up and helping me to my feet.

"We should tell the boys to get off the door and stop eaves dropping now," he sighed and smiled a half smile at me. I took a step forward and took a deep breath and chose to make an effort towards our new friendship,

"You mean to say Ootari hotel rooms are not completely sound proof? I will have to have words with the manager about this!" I said mock outraged and he shook his head but I could make out the small smile playing on his lips.

As we opened to the door, to nobody's surprise we were face to face with not only the host club but also what felt like half the hotel staff. I felt the boy's eyes on both Kyoya and me and without our saying anything they read our body language and erupted in to cheers. Honey started singing while the twins danced around the group in a flamboyant manner. Mori placed a hand on my shoulder and nodded. I looked at his gentle eyes and felt humbled and proud of his approval. With a little difficulty I managed to break and slink away from the celebrations to head back to my room. After breaking through the crowd and being thrown back into four group hugs before I managed to get a good run on the twins I made it back to my room, shutting the door and locking the three locks that were on it. I breathed deeply and made my way over to the window, opening it and letting the wind play with my hair.

What. A. Week.

I stripped out of my wet clothes and sat in the western shower for a decent ten minutes letting the hot water cleanse my tense body. I let tears roll down my cheeks; not from sadness or anger but from pure exhaustion and relief. My shoulders felt lighter and for the first time I felt like I would be able to get a good sleep tonight. When I emerged from my shower I saw that it was already quite late and I sat on my bed trying to figure out what I wanted. After all I had been through my initial thoughts were to be alone and here I was, but for some reason it didn't feel right. I was finally at peace, by myself like I was used to but it wasn't sitting right. For whatever reason my heart felt swollen and the longer I stared out the window at the setting sun, the more I realised that what I was feeling was loneliness. It was an emotion I was unfamiliar with and had only really felt as a child or after mum passed. I looked at my hands and examined them in great detail. Yes, I was sure I was me. They were my hands and in the mirror on the far side of the room I recognised my face though she looked tired and withdrawn.

I felt a small smile play on my lips as I discovered that while I watched all those around me change and develop, I, myself, this week had changed. I grabbed my dressing gown and headed out the door. The hallway was silent and as expected none of the boys were waiting around for me. That made me smile. They'd picked up on my mannerisms, they knew me and they knew I'd want space. But here I was walking down the hallway, almost dancing, and heading to a door that if you told me I'd be heading into of my own will a week ago I would have death stared you still you cried.

I knocked gently and before I could knock again the door opened and a handsomely dressed Tamaki stood before me. His blonde hair was dishevelled from our earlier swim and his shower and it hung over his eyes. His eyes were crystal blue and soft, they were welcoming and kind. I stared at his lips expecting them to say anything but they just curled into a perfect half smile that made me believe he knew that I was coming tonight. He stood aside and motioned for me to enter the room and I took a deep breath and walked in. All of a sudden I felt nervous and very vulnerable, an anxious babble of words managed to get out, startling me.

"I just didn't want to be alone tonight, not in a romantic way or anything but I was in my hotel room wanting to be alone and then I realised I was lonely and for whatever reason I started walking and before I knew it I was-"

He cut me off and pulled me into a giant hug, "I know, Haruhi. I know".

The hug was warm and as my small frame was pulled against his I felt safe, happy and like I was home. We were there for at least a minute before he broke and leant down placing his hands on my shoulders, "You okay?" he asked, his eyes more curious then gentle and I nodded smiling.

"I nod, but honestly in what world does Haruhi Fujioka willingly walk into a Tamaki bear hug?" I laughed and punched him lightly, my eyes sparkling playfully.

"What world indeed. I guess it's been a weird week," he replied and grinned a dorky grin before digging me in the side with his fingers causing me to laugh and jump out of his range.

"You've changed" I announced and stared boldly into his eyes.

Unexpectedly he just blinked then replied without revealing any emotion, "you have too."

We stood in a stand off for a moment, silence engulfing the room.

He opened his mouth with a serious look in his eyes before hesitating and opening his mouth. Suddenly he turned and broke the tension by throwing one of the many pillows on his princely bed in my direction. I caught it and stood there shocked before erupting in waves of laughter as I crawled over the bed to grab more and throw them back in his direction.

After the battle of the century, we lay on the floor, still giggling but also panting. It was a really nice moment, our heads nearly touching and our bodies hot and sweaty from the running around.

All of a sudden I felt a rush of emotion and sat up suddenly. My face paled and my hands tensed into fists. Tamaki sat up abruptly at my reaction and looked at me in concern, "Haruhi! What's wrong?" he asked, startled. I sat in silence and bit my lip, my mind and heart were heavy, I felt sick in my stomach and dizzy.

"Haruhi!?" he nearly shouted, shaking my shoulders. I looked up at him before whispering,

"Sempai…I think…I think you're my best friend."

He stared blankly at me for a while before he broke and started laughing so hard he had to lie on the floor, his body shaking and rolling from side to side. My temper quickened and I grabbed the nearest pillow and started smacking him in the face whilst angrily yelling, "It's NOT FUNNY!"

After a good ten minutes he sat up and wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled fondly before patting my head, "I love you too, kiddo."

We sat up most of the night talking, not about anything in particular and our words never strayed to anything that would make us think too hard. We laughed at his vanity and at my hot-headedness and we sat in silence when it was comfortable to do so. Before I realised it we had been talking into the early hours of the morning. He glanced at his clock and I glanced at the door. As if in protest my heart gave a lurch at the thought of returning back to my room alone. I thought about sitting in darkness without his warmth and energy and I felt a small sense of fear. My eyes must have given me away because he sighed and pulled aside the covers of his bed so I could climb under. He reached over and turned off the lamp before lying next to me. He was close enough to see my eyes but far enough that we weren't touching. He held out his hand on the middle of the bed and I smiled into the pillow before meeting it half way. We both grinned and anything that happened after that was lost to me as I drifted into sweet, dreamless sleep.