It may have been the fact that they hadn't seen an Infected for so long that made it impossible for Ellis to stop thinking about the one he had… well… roadkilled that night… But it seemed more likely that his thoughts were unable to quiet down because of one simple fact; he wasn't the loud obnoxious 23 year old who had fought from Savannah to New Orleans several months ago anymore—at least not in the same ignorant way.

When fighting to New Orleans killing Infected had turned into a challenge—a game, really. He had no qualms about tearing bullets into Infectious crowds—and why not? His entire mentality had been 'I can't wait to tell everyone about all this'. But it wasn't until he reached safety that had learned that he hadn't had anyone to tell anything to all along. It had been unchallenged and wishful thinking on his part. And he knew that now.

He didn't have that same childlike attitude today; this wasn't a game anymore. Too many lives had been lost… And worse was the realization that all those Infected he had killed had been people too. They had been brothers and sisters and moms and dads, friends and neighbors… He only hoped that his friends and family received mercy after their Infection—not mowed down with gleeful giggles and cackles by some ignorant child. In fact, he prayed that they had died peacefully—unlike the lives he had taken. Just prayed as hard as he could.

And maybe that was why he cried now—lying there with his face pressed into the pillow to muffle the sounds as he tried so, so very hard to pray to a God he wasn't sure he still believed in. Oh, but how he had started out so strong—asking for forgiveness and for peace, praying for the lives he had taken and for the lives that still remained—but then his mind eventually brought up a question; 'is anyone even listening?'

And at first that question had startled him. He hadn't really thought his faith was shaken, but the more he thought… the more he simply laid there and helplessly wondered, he came to two possible conclusions; there was no God or God had abandoned them. Neither was a comforting thought. It made him feel hollow, misguided, cheated and confused. What then? Who do you turn to after such a conclusion? Who do you ask for forgiveness from? Who do you pray to in hopes of peace?

It was impossible, impossible to ever know for sure if his doubt was well placed. Faith was untouchable, intangible. If it was lost, he was the only one that could find it again—no one could hand it to him as though he had simply misplaced it. And, God forgive him, he wasn't sure if he could find it.

"Ellis?" Ellis let in a little hiccup of breath before trying to will himself to be still. He still trembled and shook as he tried hard to keep his weeping in control. He wasn't fooling anyone—especially not Nick. The older man scooted a little closer, hand reaching up to take the young mans shoulder. He squeezed it gently. "Ellis? What's wrong?"

Ellis swallowed thickly and searched helplessly in the dim light. What to say? How to say it? He shuffled under the sheets and turned himself to face Nick before he buried himself into the others arms. Nick unquestioningly enveloped him, gently caressing his hair with gentle fondness.

Ellis relished the feel of being comforted in silence for several minutes, but he knew he couldn't leave Nick worrying. "Nick…?" he finally ventured quietly. Nick didn't reply, but Ellis knew he was listening. "…Do you," Ellis already knew the answer before he even asked, but still, he couldn't help himself, "do you believe in God?"

Nick let in a slow breath, trying to decide how to handle the question delicately. "Once upon a time…" he answered softly.

Ellis nuzzled a little closer, hands coming up to clutch at Nicks body. They were pressed together tightly, but it was more comforting to Ellis than anything. If Nick was uncomfortable it wasn't obvious. "Did ya stop 'fore or afta the Infection?"

"Before." Nick sounded so nonchalant about it. "Why were you crying?" Well, be blunt. Ellis was easily distracted and if he wanted to know why the kid was upset, being direct was probably the only way to ever know.

"…Nick, we sure killed a lot of people when we were goin' ta New Orleans… I never though' much of it at the time—" Ah, this shit?

"—and you shouldn't have, Ellis," Nick said firmly. "You did what you needed to do to survive."

"Yeah, I know. If I had though' of 'em as people it would have been too horrible… I probably… Probably woulda…" Ended up like Keith. "I woulda… not been able ta do it. But I can think on it now… an'… I feel bad 'cause I probably would of never though' twice 'bout it except tha' I killed tha' poor fella today… an' it reminded me 'bout how many people I've killed."

"For one thing, Ellis; it was a zombie. You did it a favor by killing it. Who knows what the military does when hunting them down. But whatever they do, I'm sure they're not kind about it."

Ellis sighed helplessly. "Nick, I know he was a zombie, but he was a person at one time too. He use ta have a family an' everythin'… an' I jus' feel like I never woulda even though' about tha'… Ya know? Like sat down an' jus' realized tha' damn, that coulda been me."

"What's done is done. You did what you needed to do."

Ellis let out a frustrated noise and clutched at Nicks clothing. "Damn it, Nick! Why can't ya jus' hear me out on this? Wha' it if was yer Ma tha' I killed? Or yer brother? How would ya feel then?"

Well, that seemed to put it in perspective. Nick was oddly quiet and Ellis would have thought he was mad at him for suggesting such a thought, but Nick was still holding him in such a comforting and gentle manner.

Finally Nick sighed. "And what exactly do you want to do about it, Ellis?"

"I wanted ta pray for 'em… But I don' know if anyone's listenin'."

Again Nick was quiet—struggling hard to stay sensitive even when his logic was screaming loudly that now was the opportune time to kick Ellis' nasty God-fearing teachings right out the window. That would save him these sort of conversations in the future if they were both atheist—but honestly, Nick couldn't bring himself to destroy what little… innocence... the kid may still have.

"What do you want to believe?" Nick asked gently.

Ellis shook his head slightly. "I'd like ta believe tha' this whole zombie apocalypse thing was our own doin'… not a punishment from above… I'd like ta think tha' He still watches over us an' hears our prayers…"

"Well, then pray, Ellis. There's no harm in that." Nick pressed his lips to the others forehead. "I'm sure He'll listen."

"Ya think so?"

"Yeah, definitely. But if you start hearing little voices saying that us being together ain't right, you ignore that shit, got it?"

Ellis chuckled, grinning wide as he pressed his forehead against Nicks. "Yeah, man, I'll definitely do tha'. Ya ain't gatta worry 'bout tha' none."

It was at 6:45 in the morning that the military awoke them for some testing. It took them nearly two hours to be cleared and when they were, they were immediately returned to their vehicle (well a vehicle that was similar to their last one but obviously exchanged for one that lacked zombie brains in the grill) and sent on their way.

It wasn't until they were a half an hour out of Montgomery that Nick came to a rather amusing realization: "Hey, Ellis? You know, we never did get to look around the city at all or ask how things were going about." He peeked over to Ellis who was sitting in the passenger seat with the map laying forgotten in his lap as he stared blankly out the window.

The young man shrugged slightly, still not looking over. "I guess we di'n't," he replied absently. Nick frowned as he glanced over. Ellis was being so… uncharacteristically quiet and unresponsive. Odd..

Nicks gaze unwilling returned to the rode. "I say if things go well, we mine-as-well drive all the way to the last outpost. I think it's Charlotte." Maybe getting a real roof over his head would brighten Ellis a little. "We can probably be there by four or five tonight… given we have no…" he cleared his throat, "distractions…"

Ellis smiled slightly—at least that had gotten a reaction. "Okay, yeah… We might wanna do tha'…. Considerin' it ain't tha' far from yer… our house from there." He risked a glance to Nick and he could see that the conman was grinning slightly—but, really, it was hard to tell from what. "Hey Nick? Does it snow in Oak Ridge?"

"Not really. It snows in the mountains though. Why?"

"I ain't never seen snow 'fore…" The young man shrugged slightly. "Though' maybe I'd see some in North Carolina."

"I think we'd have to travel more west for that… And besides, if you really want to see snow, we can go and visit Omaha sooner than April. You'll definitely see some snow then." Nick grinned. "Although I remember awhile back when I was a kid it ended up snowing three feet in mid-April. It was great. We got three days off from school."

"See, Nick, ya do remember things from when ya were a kid. An' 'fore ya were tryin' ta say ya di'n't." Ellis grinned and Nick was relieved that the kid seemed to snapping out of whatever depressive mood he had gotten into—that was Ellis for you. "But, man, we ain't never got no snow in Savannah but we got some pretty bad storms tha' made the schools close. Tha' was always awesome—except, well, when things started ta flood, 'cause tha' ain't ever cool, ya know? But it di'n't happen very often—big floodin', I mean. But school got closed a lot from storms."

"For rain?" Nick asked, confused.

"Yeah, man. Rain. Ya've seen tha' shit 'fore! Don' tell me yew'd wan' yer kids goin' ta school in tha' shit."

"For one; I don't have any kids, nor ever plan to." Nick looked to Ellis pointedly and said flatly, "Ever. And secondly; rain is rain. Snow is a different story. You southerners are just too god damn pampered. There were times when we went to school in blizzards, kid. Blizzards! You try driving in a whiteout. It's absolute shit.

"One time when I was eighteen," Nick couldn't help but realize he was staring to sound like Ellis with his 'one time' stories, but he continued nonetheless, "our school decided to stay open with a coming blizzard—now, I lived about twenty minutes away from the school, not long really, but it turns into an absolute nightmare in bad weather. You'd have killed to still be riding the bus at that time, but I was one stubborn little bastard and it didn't help that my little brother insisted I'd drive him every day. God, we got stuck in a snowdrift for hoooours and all I could do was sit there as my brother bitched and whined the entire time. Ungrateful brat." Nick chuckled quietly before sighing. "Eric never did let me forget that… Ah well, that's Nebraska for you."

"Yeah," Ellis replied quietly. He began to fold the map absently as he spoke. "Ya know, I only seen artificial snow an' stuff, but I think it'd still be cool ta be in a blizzard an' all. I mean, I don' wanna be runnin' 'round in it, but watchin' it from inside would be so cool. An' seein' it all on the trees an' stuff would be real awesome. My Ma went ta Canada once when she was a kid an' she use ta tell me 'bout the snow an' how beautiful it was. I always wanted ta take her back there one day on vacation or somethin' but I… I never really got the chance ta." He fidgeted with the folded map, frowning.

Nick tapped his finger against the steering wheel for a moment—aware that Ellis had gone uncomfortably quiet again. Then an idea struck him. "So, Ellis. It's a nice day out, it's near lunchtime and we're coming up on a nice field. Wanna picnic?"

Ellis flushed slightly. "Ya… ya wanna have a picnic? Now?"

"Sure." Nick shrugged, "If you want."

"Okay… Yeah, sure."

Now, Ellis had to admit—he was incredibly amazed by how that simple little picnic seemed to lift him from his despair. Just sitting there in the sun on that badly worn blanket beside Nick who was doing his best to make their not-quite-gourmet meal into something enjoyable by simply being his witty and sarcastic self was… comforting. It was obvious that Nick was trying very hard to distract him from his anxious thoughts… and really, it was working. Wonderfully.

Ellis may have still not been sure if his God had abandoned him or even existed, but he still had Nick—and he had a good feeling that Nick would always be there; zombie apocalypse or not.

A/N: I figured the whole "God" issue had to come in at one point or another, and because I was feeling dramatic this morning I thought I'd try to work it in. Meh, it's good conflict at least lol

This chapter was paaainnful to write, thus why it ended so suddenly. I couldn't make myself write anymore.

Sorry for not updating yesterday. I was waaay too busy to write. That and family was over and it's impossible to write with family babbling at me all the time. Jesus.