Chapter Six
Bully
The lessons that Kita attended at the school were typical to her last school. She sat at the room in the corner where she had a large space between her and the nearest person. She lived in the shadows, the sunlight from the windows missing her and shining instead on her table, blinding her from other's sight. That was how she liked it. She rarely spoke even if asked a question, and she ignored others when they began to talk about topics to her interest. She just couldn't open up, and it made her feel safe as well as depressed.
It was her second week at the school and nothing had changed. Since she had fallen to her knees and cried outside of the school those days ago she had settled into her reverie of loneliness. This way she could block out the pain that scratched at the barriers.
She sat in her language studies, reading through the notes she had made in her book. Beside all of the work she had drawn little doodles to pass the time, doodles of her fellow bands members. She had Ritsu banging her drum sticks down on the drum set and Yui stroking her fingers across the guitar.
Kita had become absorbed in these tiny sketches, so much so that she completely tuned out of everything going on around her. Because of this, she didn't notice the small group of girls approaching her until the 'leader' spoke.
"Shouldn't you be doing work instead of drawing stupid little pictures like that, new girl?"
Kita's heart almost beat right out of her chest. She snapped her book shut and glanced up quickly to see the tall, pretty, dark haired girl glaring at her with a mean smirk on her lips. Kita lowered her head until her hair covered her face.
"Well?" the girl persister. She bent down to Kita's lever, her hands resting on her book intimidatingly. "You going to answer me, new girl?"
Kita felt the familiar urge inside of her to run and hide, but she was frozen in her seat. She could feel sweat tingling in her palms, her chest tightening as though she were drowning in the fear and embarrassment.
One of the other girls spoke to the head of the group. "I think you should punish her, Suuki. She's being pretty rude, ignoring you like this."
The tall, menacing girl named Suuki nodded her head slowly. "Hmm... I think you're right, Shizio. Maybe I should punish her."
Kita could already see it coming, the fists punching her, the feet kicking her. She could imagine the pain of it all, weak against the pain of being helpless as these girls pummelled her.
Suuki slapped her hand down on the desk in front of Kita, pushing her face closer. "Look at me," she demanded coldly.
Kita slowly lifted her head, her strands of hair falling out of the way. Staring into Suuki's hateful eyes she faced true terror.
"How do you want to get hurt this afternoon?" Suuki asked with fake sweetness in her voice. "I'll let you decisde."
Look for a way out, Kita's mind screamed to her. Find a way out and run!
The class was over and the room was empty of people and obstacles. The door was at the opposite end of the room. Could she make it? Would they grab her or let her run away like a frightened rabbit?
"I don't like quiet people, you know," Suuki continued, leaning against Kita's table and crossing her arms over her chest. "I think it's really annoying."
Kita's mouth was dry. She swallowed, wondering if speaking would help her. Probably not.
The girls began to provoke Suuki, telling her to attack or yelling out insults. Suuki raised a hand and they all silenced.
"I think she's about to faint."
Kita couldn't disagree with her. She felt light-headed, her heart pounding too fast. Her breath came out short and gasping. "Please..." she managed. "Please just let me go..."
Suuki laughed out loud to the chorus of her amused friends. "Let you go? You sound so pathetic!"
That was it. She had to make the move herself. Kita flung herself away from the table, her bag hanging from her hand loosely, and bolted towards the door. The girls whom had not been expecting it took a moment until they shouted at each other and gave chase.
Kita was beyond the point of fainting before long. As she burst out of the classroom and raced past students filing through the hallway she felt the world shudder and blacken for only a moment, then she was running on adrenaline and she was wide awake with terror.
Behind her, Suuki was yelling out swear words and laughing until her voice rang in Kita's ears. Students leapt out of her way. Kita was not the only one to have been targeted by this girl.
There was a point when Kita knew she wouldn't be able to go on, and she reached it earlier than she had hoped she would. She felt her knees buckle and her heart give its last pounding beats. A wave of hot nausea passed through her and she stumbled to a stop. Her hands reached out for something to hold onto and they found a tall, cold locker.
Suuki's cold laughter came a moment later. "Here she is! We finally caught her, girls!"
This is it. That was all that Kita could think as Suuki appeared in front of her. This is it. I won't be getting out of this okay.
"How dare you run from me, right after you rudely ignored me to," Suuki spat, grasping Kita's shirt in her fists. She pushed her hard against the lockers. "How dare you."
Kita felt cold as waves of horror crashed over her. She grasped at Suuki's hands that held onto her shirt and tried to will her brimming tears away. "Please let me go," she pleaded again.
Suuki was having the time of her life. She laughed out again, students behind her staring in shock and pity for Kita. Suuki was getting all of the attention she sough and she barely even needed to try.
"No, I won't let you go. Not until I get my apology," she growled, pushing Kita hard against the lockers again.
"I'm sorry," Kita said quickly, sadness filling her voice.
Suuki shook her head, the grin on her face still present. "Too late." She swung at Kita before she could make a single move and struck her hard in the face.
Everything for Kita went black.
"Kita... Kita...!
Kita began to realise her surroundings again as hands slapped her face urgently. She was not unconscious, but she was lying on the ground. The punch had put her into a state of shock. She blinked to see a ring of students around her and Mrs Sawa hitting her lightly and beckoning her back.
"Can you hear me, Kita?" the teacher asked. Kita had never heard her sound so serious.
"Y...yes," she croaked.
A smile appeared on Mrs Sawa's face. "Good. Here, let me help you sit up." Her arm curled around Kita's back and she pulled her up until she could lean against the locker behind her.
"Is she okay, Mrs Sawa?" one of the students asked.
"Yes, thank you for coming to get me," Mrs Sawa said gratefully. She had been in her office when the girl had practically knocked the door down. She told her that Suuki was chasing a student down the hall and they both rushed to the scene just in time to see the punch knock Kita into her current state.
"Suuki," Kita whispered, her eyes darting around to find the girl. "Where is she? Is she here?"
"It's alright, Kita," Mrs Sawa assured her. "She's having a nice long talk with the principle right now."
Relief surged through Kita, pushing everything else away. It left her feeling calm enough to fall onto the brink of sleep, but she couldn't do that in the current situation. She needed to get back to her lessons. She needed to get out the place of attention.
Kita struggled to her feet, attempting to use the lockers as support. She thought for a few seconds that she could do it, then her strength ebbed away in chunks. She began to slip down to the floor again, the students around her crying out. Mrs Sawa caught her around the waist and hoisted her up.
"Come on, you need to get looked at," she said sternly.
"I'm alright," Kita tried to argue, but she felt her nose sting as she spoke. A warm slither of what she initially thought was snot approached her upper lip. She reached up a shaking hand to touch it with her finger. When she looked down at it she released that it was bright red blood.
On any other day the sight of the blood would have made poor Kita faint right away, but being in the shell-shocked state she was in she could do little more but gaze down at her bloodied finger as Mrs Sawa whisked her around the corner.
"This is going to sting, so I apologise in advance." Mrs Sawa dabbed a wet cloth to Kita's nose that had been split on the very rim. She was right, it did sting, and Kita winced.
Blood dripped freely onto a dry cloth laid on the tiled floor. It had already made a thick blood stain that made a recovering Kita feel sick to her stomach.
"If you need to vomit, let me know," Mrs Sawa said, reading the girl's pale face. "Don't worry, I'm almost done. You shouldn't need anything to patch it up. It isn't really that deep."
Suuki had been expelled. Another teacher had poked her head into the infirmary and told Mrs Sawa, also offering her help. The nurse was ironically sick that day, so Mrs Sawa was taking her job as the teacher with the closest matching experience until the second nurse could arrive from her hour-away home. It was all a stressful mess, but Mrs Sawa stayed cheerful. She released a whoop of joy when she heard that Suuki was being expelled and quickly coughed to cover it up as the other teacher gave her a suspicious stare.
"That girl deserved it, so don't feel bad," she said as Kita fought the urge to sneeze blood. "She's picked on a lot of kids since she arrived here two years ago. She had it coming."
Kita was a sympathetic girl, but not this time. "I don't feel bad," she assured the teacher. "I agree with you if she has done this to others. She deserves it."
"Good." Mrs Sawa leaned back in the chair and pulled the cloth away. She inspected Kita's nose from afar before nodding her head. "It looks fine if not a little red. Tell me, Kita. Why exactly did she attack you?"
Kita told her the tale of the psychopathic Suuki and her wild attack. She included the pictures on her book that she had left in the classroom, and she also added the other student's name in-case it was needed. Once she was finished, Mrs Sawa looked, above all else, disappointed.
"Kita, didn't you try to defend yourself?" she asked, speaking as though she already knew the answer.
Kita lowered her head, wishing again that she could disappear. "No," she answered softly.
Mrs Sawa crossed her arms again and leaned back in the chair. She stared at Kita for some time before she asked her the question she had feared. "What is it that makes you so frightened?"
Kita's stomach flopped and she sought out the bucket. Mrs Sawa passed it to her and she heaved inside the rim. She didn't vomit, but she took the opportunity to think about her answer. She trusted Mrs Sawa as much as she trusted her friend Yui, but there was something about this woman that made her mind persistently want to release information. She was an adult and therefore maybe she had some answers.
Kita lifted her head from the bucket. She was faced with a decision that no longer looked so one-sided. She could tell this woman that she trusted and felt would perhaps have some way of understanding, or she could hide like usual and lose the opportunity that may not come again.
She had to answer swiftly.
She let the words pour out.
"My mother."
Mrs Sawa's eyes widened at the unexpected reply. "What?"
"Mt mother," Kita repeated, her mouth and throat dry. "She's the reason why I'm so scared."
Taking the role of counsellor now, Mrs Sawa leaned forward in the chair, becoming closer to Kita. "Tell me what it is about your mother. Does she... hurt you?"
It was time for Kita to be shocked. "N-no! That's not it. She's too weak to do anything right now..."
"What do you mean?" Mrs Sawa was prodding gently. She wanted the information so she could use it to help Kita, but she was also taking note of the pain it could cause this girl to tell the secret that she kept inside.
Kita knew there was no turning back now. She had said too much. She took a deep, steadying breath, let her words form carefully in her mind, and told her tale.
"When I was really little I learned that my mother was sick. She had a heart attack without warning, and my father rushed her to hospital. I didn't know what was happening, and my father walked out that night with me. He told me we were going home, but he kept on driving and driving, crying at the steering wheel until he crashed into a tree. Neither of us was badly hurt, but he walked out of the car and was lost. I never saw him again. An ambulance was called when a stranger found me, and everything about my mother was explained.
My mother had a series heart disease that constantly put her in critical conditions. Knowing that my father wasn't coming back because of the grieving a dying wife caused, she took care of me at home despite always being sick. Last year she had another attack and is now stuck in the hospital."
Kita finished with another breath. Her hands were shaking and sweat was breaking on her forehead. She swallowed down bile and clasped her hands together. She had done it. She had told her story to someone, and she could feel the weight lifting away.
Mrs Sawa regarded her for another few shocked moments before she couldn't hold it back. "Kita, that's terrible! Someone your age shouldn't have to deal with all of that! And your mother... I understand now. You're afraid of letting people in just in-case something like this happens, right?"
Kita nodded, glad she didn't have to explain that part as well. "I also never got used to her sudden attacks. I guess it made me hyper sensitive to everything, so I tend to overreact and faint or become sick or even end up in shock like today."
"I trust you don't want to share this with the other girls?" Mrs Sawa guessed.
Kita shook her head. "I don't think I'm ready to tell them. I don't want them to pity me or anything, and I don't know how they'll react."
Mrs Sawa nodded. "I won't tell them, but I don't think they would react badly anyway. Kita, they're your friends. You can see that, right?"
"No. I can't see things like that anymore," Kita said, surprised at how close to crying she was. She sniffed like a child and turned away. "I don't understand things like that because I haven't allowed love and sympathy in for so long. I haven't allowed myself to have friends for years."
"I see," Mrs Sawa said, unable to actually imagine how lonely this girl must me. She considered her for a moment, trying to picture the life she had lived in fear for her mother and behind a mental shield that kept others out. It must have been awful, and it still wasn't over.
Kita could feel the teacher's eyes staring at her. She was pitying her, and she didn't want her pity. She straightened up subconsciously and decided to change the subject.
"Umm... Mrs Sawa?"
"Hmm? What is it?"
Kita didn't feel much more comfortable with the next question, but at least she wasn't keeping herself in the centre anymore. "What do they think of me? The girl's in the band, I mean."
Mrs Sawa smiled. If Kita was concerned with how they felt about her than she was definitely on the road to opening up. Yui would be over the moon. "Like I said, Kita, they consider you a friend. They were worried about you when you fainted and they all want to know exactly what I learnt today. They care about you more than you're letting yourself realise."
Kita couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "Thank you, Mrs Sawa," she said. "It makes me feel better about everything. I was worried that I had holding them down."
"Really..." Mrs Sawa knew that in a way, that was exactly what Kita was unintentionally doing. It would be a strain on the club, but they needed her skills, and she needed their friendship. If they worked together, everything could fall into place.
"Kita, I want you to promise me something," she said.
Kita's head flicked up from the tiles that she had been staring at sheepishly. Her cheeks were still red from learning that she did truly have friends that cared for her. "What is it?"
"I want you to promise me that you will open up to them more. You don't have to tell them your secret, but I want you to be more confident around them. Just try your best to be brave and you'd be surprised at how strong you feel."
To Kita it sounded like a death sentence. If she laid herself bare, or bare enough to be hurt, she could face the same emotions she had before when her mother had suffered from her first attack. She would have to leave the shell she was so comfortable in. It was a lot to ask.
"You can think about it if you want," Mrs Sawa added.
Kita shook her head. Thinking would only result in a flat 'no' and she felt she owed Mrs Sawa for listening to her story. "I promise, Mrs Sawa. I promise to open up to them."
"Good girl," Mrs Sawa praised happily. "You won't regret it."
I hope not, Kita thought. I really hope not.