Chapter Eight

School Performance

The day had come faster than Kita could have ever imagined.

She had busied herself with practice, rarely taking a break to eat, drink, bathroom, or sleep. Even then her fingers were covered in band aids from blisters and cuts rewarded from all of the strumming, gripping, and holding she did. The bow for her violin gave her splinters, the guitar strings decimated her fingers, and she held onto the microphone too tightly when she sung which resulted in cramps.

At the end of the day she would fall into the soft covers of her bed that awaited her and would be asleep in seconds. During her dreams she would be facing the fear on stage and a number of things would go wrong. She would follow in Mio's footsteps one dream and fall over the wires to expose her selection of underwear, and the next dream would result in her vomiting all over the first few rows of seats. She would wake in in a cold sweat and stare sadly at the calendar as each minute counted down to the end of the day, and each day passed much too fast.

Now the day was here and she was barely able to stand without feeling as though she world were tilting beneath her. How was it that the other girls were so excited?

Ritsu shovelled down cake after cake, talking with her mouth stuffed full to Yui who couldn't keep the blinding smile off of her face. Azusa and Mio were doing the sensible thing by getting in some last minute practice. They didn't look upset either, but rather determined, their eyes burning as they played together with their screaming guitars. Mugi watched from the side as she tuned in her keyboard and drank tea at the same time.

Kita almost fell to her knees in shock. They were so well prepared, and what did she have to show? Band aids, cramps and cuts.

"Oh, Kitty! Are you excited?" Yui raced over to her as soon as she saw her and dangled a forkful of cake in front of her face. "Open wide. You look like you haven't eaten in days!"

"Have you been eating?" Mio asked a little sternly. She strode over to Kita with her guitar in her hands and got a closer look. Her eyes widened at what she saw. "You look like you're about to faint. Yui, help me get her over to the couch.

Kita felt her cheeks burn at the sudden attention. "No, I'm alright," she said quickly, waving their hands away. "I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Everything will be fine," Ritsu said enthusiastically as she drummed her sticks against the table.

Mugi was armed with a steaming cup of tea as she walked over with her pleasant smile. "Don't worry about a thing, Kita. We'll be right there with you the entire time."

That was the only reason Kita was going ahead with this. They needed her and she wouldn't be a dead weight on their shoulders. She refused to let herself become a burden.

Azusa was looking a little whiter as she glanced at the clock. "Not long..." she breathed, then realised that Kita was shaking from head to toe. She shrugged nonchalantly and put on a fake grin. "Not long until the most exciting event of the year!" She threw her arms into the air and the other girls, namely Ritsu and Yui, cried out in unison.

Mio pat Kita on the shoulder in comfort. "Don't worry. We won't let anything go wrong. Just play as you always have and ignore the people in front of us. Close your eyes if it makes you feel better."

"If I close my eyes I'll faint," Kita said sadly. "I'm going to have to face this though. I won't run away."

"That's the spirit," Mugi said happily. "Just do your best and everything will turn out fine."

Mrs Sawa burst into the room in her usual fashion, breathing heavily as she held onto an assortment of hand-stitched costumes. "Am I too late?" She gasped breathlessly.

Mio was gone, already huddling in a corner as she spied a maid outfit hanging over the teachers arm. Ritsu went to comfort her as Yui ran to Mrs Sawa in excitement. She dove into the clothes as the teacher leaned against the wall to catch her breath again.

"I thought we were playing in our school uniforms," Azusa said as she spied the new pile curiously.

Mrs Sawa straightened with her hands on her hips. "But this is Kita's first performance! It's the perfect time for a new look."

"I'm happy with our current look," Azusa argued, turning to Kita. "Are you?"

Kita was torn between Azusa and Mrs Sawa. She wished she could become invisible and hide from their staring eyes, but she had to answer. "Um... I could probably wear something from that pile and you can all wear whatever you want."

"Perfect!" Mrs Sawa threw an assortment into Kita's arm before she could prepare herself. "This, and this, and this..."

"She only has one body, Mrs Sawa," Ritsu pointed out dryly from the corner of the room.

Mrs Sawa completely ignored her and dragged Kita off into the kitchen where she could change her into one of the many choices she had. Kita glanced at the other girls with terror in her eyes before she was pulled out of view.

Yui had pulled on an bright pink, sequinned dress that hung over her school uniform. She twirled on the spot with her arms outstretched. "I'm so wearing this!"

Azusa shielded her eyes with her hands as the light reflecting from the sequins burned into her vision. "Yui, take that off before I go blind!" she cried.

"No! I'm wearing it on stage!"

"I don't think so." Mio had finally recovered. She stood next to Yui and grasped the dress. With all of her might she fought to get it off of the hyper-active girl with a little help from Ritsu.

Mugi watched the scene from the table where the was brewing up another round of tea. She was nervous about the coming performance that was less than an hour away now, and she could tell that the others were too. They just expressed it in different ways. She loved being observant for it helped her realise other people's emotions, and in this case she didn't feel alone knowing that these girls were just as nervous as she was. Especially Kita. Kita was about to run out of the school.

Mrs Sawa poked her head around the kitchen area and smiled. "Ready to see your sixth member and the transformational she has overcome?" she asked dramatically.

Everyone froze and nodded their heads stiffly.

"Okay." Mrs Sawa disappeared again, then Kita cam rushing out as though she had been pushed. She wore a red skirt with royal blue lining, a golden shirt that sparkled, and a rich red jacket that was pulled over the top. She pulled down at her skirt self-consciously, wishing it had another inch in length at least.

The other girls were surprised that Mrs Sawa ad finally stitched something that they all agreed with. They came over to inspect the clothing closer as Kita turned around obediently on the spot for them, taking all all of the praise and using it to calm her nerves.

"Unfortunately I only have one of that particular design," Mrs Sawa said as Yui looked to her eagerly. "But you can wear whatever else you want."

In the end Yui chose the maid outfit in which she flaunted herself around the room. Azusa and Mio were in their school uniforms, ruining the fun as Ritsu put it. Ritsu was in black and white tomboyish suit and pants in which she looked remarkably handsome for a girl, and Mugi showed her true figure in a tight leather jacket and jeans. They all stood in a row and Mrs Sawa clapped at the sight.

"You guys look great! Everyone will love this look!"

Kita's stomach churned. That meant that they would be watching them closely. She wished she wasn't wearing something so eye-catching.

Ritsu's hand slapped against her back. "Head up, Kita. Everything will be fine."

"Yeah! If worst comes to worst, Mugi always knows first aid," Yui added cheerfully.

Mio's eyebrows rose. "What do you think is going to happen out there?"

Azusa saw Kita's pale face whiten another shade and stepped in. "Don't worry, nothing that bad is going to happen."

"Lucky thing too, cause Mugi's idea of treating a patient with first aid is trying to pour tea down their throats," Ritsu said, smiling as she remembered the time when Kita had fainted. Mugi had gone straight for the tea, her answer to everything.

Mugi chuckled, embarrassed as she tried to hide her current cup of tea behind her back. "I'm not that bad am I?"

No one had the heart to answer.

Kita wondered if you could die from shaking. Her entire body was trembling so badly that she could hardly walk. The others watched her carefully with every step as though she would collapse into a heap at any moment. It didn't make her feel any better.

Mrs Sawa led the way with a spring in her step. She was like the head of a parade, putting on the brightest smile and the speaking in the cheeriest voice. She carried the lightest speaker in her arms as she went over the song choices with Mio.

Ritsu and Yui were on either side of Kita in case she fainted before they even made it to the Hall. They exchanged nervous glances every time Kita's knees buckled.

"Do you want some tea before we start?" Yui asked.

Mugi, it seemed, would be able to hear the word tea through a brick wall. She was beside them in a heartbeat with a kettle and tea cup balanced in her hand.

Ritsu's eyes were bulging in her head. "Where the heck do you keep that tea kettle?"

Mugi smiled sweetly. "That's my secret."

Kita's head was whirling enough without having that vivid imagination. "No, no tea, thanks. I think I'll be alright."

"You think?" Yui repeated worriedly. "Can't you promise me that you'll be okay, Kitty?"

Azusa, walking in the centre of the group with the heavier speaker, turned her head to look at the girls over her shoulder. "Kita, are you sure you'll be up to this. If you're not, maybe Mrs Sawa could play at least the first song so you can watch for a while and calm down."

Mrs Sawa and Mio both stopped to tune into the conversation. The teacher looked pleased with the idea. "I could do that if you want."

Kita shook her head sadly. She knew that they would be disappointed if she couldn't even play the first song, let alone the others. She knew that if she sat out of the first one, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to join in the others. She had to be pushed into the deep and or she would just run away. "No. I can do it."

Mrs Sawa watched her carefully for a moment. "If you feel ill or light-headed before we head on stage, tell me," she said, using her teaching authority voice. "Don't go up there feeling terrible. That's only asking for trouble."

"Okay." Kita had no idea how she would manage to not feel like rubbish beforehand, but she would try to pull this off. She didn't want to have to sit on the sidelines. She would feel terrible. If only her mother were there to watch...

the day before she had gone during the entire Sunday to see her mother. She sat by her side and told her all about these girls and the club, then she played new tune on her violin that she had taught herself during practice. Underlying all of the excitement in her tone and laughter, she was terrified of the coming even. Her mother spotted this immediately, of course.

"Kita..., look at me darling..."

Kita stared at the bed sheets instead. She knew what was coming.

"You're stronger than you think... You just have to... trust yourself..."

Trust herself? That was a skill that was long forgotten. "I don't know how."

"Let the others hold you... and stand by you... You'll feel strong by believing in them..."

Kita took the opportunity now to believe that these girls would be there with her and would help her as much as they could. She believed that if something went wrong, she would be okay because they would take care of her. The feeling of relief that crashed over her was almost strong enough to knock her from her feet and she fell back into denial. If something went wrong she would just be letting the others down. She had to pull this off perfectly.

They reached the Hall and ducked into the back doors that led to the backstage area. It was completely dark, even with the light bulb flicking on. The other performers were in their little corners, discussing quietly. The band stood to the side near the wall where they set down their equipment and relaxed for the time being.

"We're opening up the assembly, so we're first," Mio reminded them all, showing her clear nervousness. She took a deep steadying breath and let it out slowly. She was used to doing this, so she could easily calm herself down now. Kita wished she had taken lessons from her, but it was too late now.

The first speaker was already chatting away on the stage, the curtains behind them drawn. Mrs Sawa turned to the girls for a small pep talk before they would head onto the hidden stage and set everything up.

"Girl's? You know what you're doing, alright? Play as you always have, and I'll be watching especially close in-case anything goes wrong. Trust me to be the improviser." Her eyes rested on Kita as she spoke. "Don't worry about a thing. They all had to start where you are now, remember?"

I doubt they were as weak and pathetic as I am, Kita thought bitterly, but instead she said, "I'll remember. Thanks."

"Good," Mrs Sawa said, sighing with relief. "Don't lose heart even if you make a mistake. Just keep going," she said to all of them before she straightened up. "Alright, let's move this stuff out. I'll help."

Everyone was silent as they shifted the equipment. They were all concentrating hard on the lyrics or the rhythm of the songs. Ritsu tapped her foot on the floor as Yui and Mio sang the words quietly to themselves. Mugi and Azusa tested their instruments as soon as they were plugged in.

"Kita, here." Mrs Sawa handed Kita her violin and rested her acoustic against the chair she sat on. "Good luck, Kita. Don't stress out and be brave."

Be brave. Kita was barely certain of what that word entitled.

The speaker could be heard through the curtains. "Our first performance is by our very own Light Music Club. They will be playing the following songs..."

Everyone ran to their positions and prepared their instruments, doing a last minute tune up or test. Kita ran her bow over the strings quickly and quietly, testing the sound. It was perfect, but her shaking hands couldn't keep the instrument still at her shoulder. She hefted it's position and leaned her neck against the cold wood.

"Everyone almost ready?" Mio asked, glancing back at them all in turn. Her eyes lingered on Kita and she gave her a small encouraging smile. It only put more pressure on the girl to impress them.

"Ready," they chorused, Kita's being the smallest voice.

"Good. Here we go."

One heart in the group of pulsing beats almost stopped altogether as the curtains began to rise. Kita's hands tightened their clutch on her violin. Beneath the red curtain she could make out the first row of younger students, then the second row that looked intensely bored, then row after row of smiling, anticipating faces appeared. So many more than she had expected started back at her.

I can't do this. As usual it was the first thought to grace her mind.

Yui pulled the microphone a little lower to her level and introduced the band. A weight lifted from Kita's chest for a moment. She had time to relax.

"Hey everyone! We're the After School Tea Time band! Um... how are you all feeling today?"

Cheers rose from the crowd and Yui beamed at the reaction. "Awesome! Today with have a new member with us, the new student Kita Asaki!"

Every singe eye in the audience was on Kita. Her heart stumbled then beat hard against her rib cage. Yui wasn't supposed to single her out. She could see Mio shooting Yui a glare, then Yui fought for recovery.

"Anyway, we'd, uh, better get started... right? Um...Ritsu?"

Ritsu nodded her head and rose her drumsticks into the air. As she tapped them together she counted down.

"One..."

Kita's hands trembled so hard she almost dropped her bow.

"Two..."

Her knuckles were white on the violin.

"Three..."

Could everyone see her fear? Could they understand what she was going through?

"Four..."

If only her mother were there watching her...

Five!"

Kita ran the bow over the strings, expecting it to be mechanical as it always was with her years of practice. Nervousness made her movements rusty though, and she had to put pressure into her hand as she moved the bow. She concentrated hard on the notes and remembered the timing of each tone whilst she half-listened to the music around her that led her on the path.

Mio sang out the words to the audience, her voice full of passion in the song of love and longing for an average schoolgirl. Hands flowed in the air and people clapped along to the beat. So far they were pleasing the audience.

Kita's eyes never left the floor. She knew that it must have made her look so terrified, but she knew that if she faced the staring faces she would freeze up and ruin the song. She kept her head down and her hand moving the bow across the strings, concentrating only on the sound she was making and it's place in the symphony of musical tones.

Eventually the song came to a finish and they all stopped for a brief break as Yui prepared the crowd for the second song. There were a total of three, four if the crowd wanted an encore that happened every few performances. Kita began to wonder if she could last that long. As it was she could barely stand. Her fear was draining her of energy and her legs felt like toothpicks. Her hands were numb from holding onto the violin and the bow so tightly. She could feel all of the signs of fainting, such as dizziness and nausea. How could she last?

As Yui blabbered on about the music the Light Music Club played, many eyes stayed on Kita and she knew that she must have been showing her fear. She turned away from the faces and cast her eyes out to Mrs Sawa who stood in the shadows and watched. She had concern printed on her face.

Crap, I'm not going to last, Kita thought bleakly.

Ritsu tapped the drumsticks together again and on the fourth impact they dove into the next song. Mio and Yui sang together as they strummed their guitars, Azusa ran her hands down on the strings to create the main beat, Mugi controlled the background, and Ritsu beat life into the song.

Kita's tone lacked the strength it had and was drowned out by all of the music. She could feel her hands moving slower and slower and counted every tone she missed. She was sure that no one in the crowd even noticed, but the other band members certainly did.

"Kita, what are you doing?" Azusa hissed from behind her. She had a temper when she played. She hated mistakes because it distracted her.

Kita grimaced at Azusa's voice. "Sorry," she whispered urgently. "I just don't think I can..." She trailed off. She didn't even have the energy or the heart to speak. She was almost petrified on the spot.

Mio glanced over her shoulder as Yui took on the lyrics. "What's wrong?" she asked Kita quickly. "Are you alright?"

Now students were beginning to notice Kita. They all watched her as she struggled to keep on her feet. They began to speak quietly to each other in discussions about the terrified girl and how she couldn't even play for more than one song.

Kita had had enough. She could see the world spinning around her and closed her eyes. She didn't want to pass out. That was her biggest fear today, but she could feel herself slowly falling backward...

A hand reached out and caught Kita tightly. She opened her eyes to see Mrs Sawa holding her up on her feet, a weak smile on her face. "Go and rest, Kita. I can take over from here."

Kita didn't wait to see the anger on her band members' faces, nor did she want to face the shocked crowd. The music played on in her absence, and she rushed off into the darkness of the backstage area.

Tears blinded her vision before she even realised she was crying. She stumbled amongst the instruments and stage props, ignoring people as they offered her helping hands. She had no idea what was going on apart from the fact that she had almost broken down on stage, made a complete fool of herself, and worst of all, let her band members down.

The bathroom, her safest, most personal space and haven in which to release the torrent of emotions. Kita headed for it, following the glowing sign on the ceiling until she reached the swinging door. She headed inside, glad to see that it was empty, and rushed over to the nearest toilet where she vomited for all of her worth.

It was some time before the band finished their final song and entered the bathroom. Kita sat alone in her cubicle with the door shut, her clammy hands hugging her knees to her chest as she silently wept.

A knock at the door and Mio's voice alerted her. "Kita, are you alright?"

The answer was so obvious that Kita didn't bother answering.

Yui sounded frantic. "Kitty, please let us in. Or at least one of us. I just want to see that you're alright."

"You did well for a beginner," Ritsu said. "We were really impressed."

Azusa spoke next. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Kita. I should have realised that you weren't feeling well."
"Remember, you're just a beginner," Mrs Sawa added. "You can't be expected to play more than one song with perfection. We should have given you more practice."

"No," Kita said, struggling to control the fury that surged through her. She was mad at herself for making the mistake, and mad at herself for failing to be brave like her mother had said. "It was my fault. I'm the weak one."

"That's not true!" Mrs Sawa said quickly. "You aren't weak, Kita. You just need some help, and we should have offered that."

Mugi's gentle voice was soothing to the dark mood inside of the cubicle. "Kita, have some tea. It will calm you down." She placed the cup on the floor and a moment later Kita's hand reached out and gasped it. She slurped it down and let the warmth flood her chest.

"Can I have another minute alone?" Kita asked, tightening her arms around herself once she had finished the tea. "I need to think."

All eyes turned to Mrs Sawa, a woman of experience. "We'll be right outside behind the stage," she said, leading the other girls out of the bathroom.

"What are we going to do?" Yui asked sadly once they were huddled together near the wall again.

Azusa stared at her feet guiltily. "I shouldn't have spoken to her like I did. Now she's blaming herself."

"You shouldn't be blamed either," Mrs Sawa told her as she leaned against the wall. "She's more frigid than I thought. It's going to be hard to take care of her if she can't handle more than one song."

"I feel bad speaking about her like this," Mio admitted, staring over her shoulder as though Kita would be in the corner of the room, listening in with a tear streaked face. She let out a heavy sigh. "Mrs Sawa's right. We should have assumed that this would happen so we could prepare her better."

"Don't worry about it now," the teacher said as she glanced over at the bathroom with a frown. "The trip is coming up in only a few weeks and it will be perfect to let her open up a little. Everything will be easier then because she'll begin to trust all of you more and tell you when she doesn't think she can handle something. Today's mistake was because of a lack of communication, I think."

All of the girls bowed their heads sadly. They knew that on one side of the field, they were to blame. However, none of them had expected Kita to be such a problem. They had thought she knew enough to stand on her own two feet just like today.

"We won't kick her out of the band, will we?" Mugi asked, watching everyone's faces closely.

They all exchanged glances and slowly shook their heads.

"We can't abandon her now," Mio said.

"Even if she did mess up our performance, she's still our friend," Ritsu added.

Yui looked close to tears, but still bore a smile. "I promised her I'd take care of her anyway.

"So that's what we'll do," Azusa agreed, nodding her head.

"And we'll bring plenty of tea," said Mugi, holding up the kettle that she somehow still had in her possession even through the performance.

Mrs Sawa looked at the group with pride. "Now that is exactly what I wanted to hear."