Chapter Nine

Accidental Words

The pack was well and truly bulging with everything Kita thought she might need. Surely she couldn't be blamed though. It was her first tip in years and she had no idea of the difference between essentials and 'stuff.'

Since the performance that had gone so wrong on Kita's part, she had been nervous around the band members. That had told her that they weren't angry of upset with her and that they should have worked harder to get her ready, but she knew that on the inside they were disappointed. She was becoming a weight on their shoulders, and she had to prove to them on this trip that she could work hard and practice through her fears.

Mugi seemed worried about the trip where the other girls were excited. When Kita had asked what was wrong, she flailed her arms around, saying everything would be perfect... but not too perfect.

Mio translated for Kita. "Every time we arrive at one of her beach houses she tries to make everything seem ordinary so we don't judge her, but her family always have something extreme set up like a cruise or a ready made banquet dinner for us."

Somehow this made a little sense to Kita. She wanted very much for people to treat her like an average person, but even that was humiliating for her. That was where the two were different. Where Mugi was strong enough to survive through her family's desperate attempts, Kita wouldn't be able to live through the embarrassment.

Kita had piled everything into her packs that she was sure she would need, then she added in things she wanted to take, then it became a matter of things she thought she would want when she was there. One pack turned into two, and two multiplied into four. She had just managed to cut down to only three, but the three remaining packs were fit to bursting.

Collapsed on the floor with the weight of the dilemma pressing down on her, Kita felt well and truly foolish, picturing herself arriving at the train station with packs the size of baby giants dragging behind her.

Now she was digging piles and piles of items out of the third and replacing certain things will smaller portions. Finally she was down to two moderately filled packs, and she knew she would not be able to get them any smaller. The last thing to throw into the pile was her acoustic guitar as it couldn't fit in the first bag with the violin.

Kita's mother had never looked so excited for her when she had visited in the morning.

"Oh, Kita... I know that you will... have a wonderful time..."

Kita gripped the frail woman's hand in her own. "I hope so. I'm not very good at swimming, and I hate the sun, and..."

Her mother raised her free hand to her daughter's lips. "Sweetheart... don't let those thoughts... get in the way... Just have a... fun time out there..."

The reality of leaving her mother behind was a hard one for Kita to face. She felt tears beginning to fall as she sat at her side. "I wish you were coming so much! I wish I could know that you're okay while I'm gone!"

"The nurses... will keep you... updated..."

But-"

"Kita, just... enjoy yourself..."

Kita didn't want to leave her mother worried about her, so she promised her that she would try her best to have fun. Now as she sat alone in her house beside her packed things she wondered how she would cope being caged away from her mother. She would have no way of seeing her, and just going by the nurse's word didn't seem to be enough.

"Of mum... Please be alright while I'm gone," she said aloud.

The train came right on time, coming to a stop at twelve in the middle of the day. Mio, Yui, Mugi, Azusa, and Ritsu shouldered their way through the crowd until they reached the back corner of the train where they could talk in peace... and wait for Kita.

"Should one of us stay outside and wave her over?" Mugi suggested, looking panicky as she thought of all the things her family could have planned.

Mio kept her eyes out of the window. "I'll wave from in here. She'll see me."

Ritsu was drumming her fingers against her knee. She'll definitely see the enormous lump on your head."

"Shut up!" Mio barked. During her packing she had tried to pull down one of her favourite novels from the shelf above her bed. It had slipped from her fingers and knocked her on the forehead, giving her an egg-sized lump that Ritsu had noticed the moment she saw her.

"Hey, it's a good thing. I wouldn't have seen you this morning if you it hadn't been for that lump."

"I said shut up!"

"There she is!" Yui suddenly squealed. She sat up on the chair and pressed her face into the window as Mio ans Azusa waved their arms about.

Kita, carrying the two heavy packs, looked like a traveller lost in the desert. She looked around wildly for her fellow band members until something caught her attention. She looked up towards the window to see them all waving at her, Yui's face the happiest in the bunch.

Safe on the train, Kita could finally relax. She had managed to get her packs onto the luggage hold above their heads with some help from Ritsu and was now sitting beside Yui who hugged her tightly.

"I thought you wouldn't come!" she cried. "I was so worried!"

Kita went red. "You messaged me four times this morning asking if I would come, Yui. I don't change my mind on something like this in ten minutes."

"But you could have!" the girl whined.

"Should we discuss the training we will be going through?" Mio asked the group. "Just to prepare ourselves."

"Include the break times as well," Ritsu added.

Ignoring her, Mio started set out the plan. "We'll probably be practising in the evening and night because otherwise I can't keep us all together. For those of us who would like to get more practice in during the afternoons, I will definitely be spending my time in the music room." She turned her attention to Kita. "Is there anything you would like to focus on?"

Immediately, Kita knew exactly what it was she wanted to work on. "Vocals," she said. "When I sing I lose myself in the music. I think there will be less of a chance that I will freak out like I did during the performance if I learned to sing for longer periods."

"Perfect," Mio said happily. "Me and Yui can help you... or just me." Yui was already pulling a bored face.

Ritsu had a matching face. "Why can't we just stay at the beach all day?" she drawled.

"Weren't you listening? You can spend as long as you want there as long as you practice with the whole band in the evenings," Mio repeated angrily.

Ritsu pouted moodily. "Well someone certainly picked a bad time of the month to be travelling."

Mio's face went as red as a tomato and she subconsciously crossed her legs. "Don't talk about stuff like that, Ritsu!"

Kita wondered if it was always like this.

"Don't worry. Everything will be fine once you've settled in," Azusa said reassuringly. "I'll be in the music room with Mio while the rest of them mess around at the beach."

Mio and Azusa would both be teaching Kita on her own? Her stomach filled with butterflies. Yui was the only one she was ninety percent comfortable around, and Mrs Sawa came next at around eighty percent. These girls were still dwindling low on the scales, but what batter opportunity than this one to become more comfortable with them?

Time would reveal how much of a good idea this trip really was.

"Mugi, this is huge!" Ritsu gasped, standing on her toes to capture the enormity in her sight. "I can barely see the roof!"

Mugi, of course, was already on her phone, chatting away urgently to her family on the other line. "I thought it was the smaller one!" she whispered angrily.

Yui was dancing about in the sand before the pebbled path that led to the front door. Her packed bags flew around her as she clutched them tightly in her hands. "This is awesome!"

Kita could barely keep her mouth from hanging open. There she was, staring at the largest, cleanest, pearliest beach house she had ever seen. Of course, the only beach houses she had seen had been in magazines or outside of the car window, but either way she knew that this was special.

Mugi ended her call with a frustrated sigh. As she saw the waiting faces of her fellow band members her anger fell away and was replaced with panic. "No, no, no! It wasn't supposed to be this big! They purposefully left me the wrong one!"

"Don't worry about it, Mugi," Azusa said. "The bigger the better."

Mugi shook her head, her hair whirling around her wildly. "No, you don't understand! It's too much!"

"It's great!" Ritsu, without permission or patience, had flung open the double oak doors and stared at the inside.

Yui peered over her shoulder and let out a triumphant yell. "This is awesome, Mugi!"

"Noooo!" Mugi had collapsed to her knees where she rocked back and forth, her arms tight around her body. "It's too much... too much..."

Kita now understood what Mio had said about Mugi afraid of being judged due to her families amount of money. She could see herself in that same panicky position, but now she realised she had no idea how to help her.

Luckily Mio was used to this behaviour by now. She helped Mugi up and led her towards the mansion. "Come on, we'll have a great time here, alright? Don't worry about the house."

Ritsu's voice came from the inside. "They left us a tonne of food already cooked and waiting!"

Mugi's wail pierced Kita's ears.

The inside of the house looked just as big as it did on the outside. It had three storeys, the first having a wide kitchen with a long banquet table, a fireplace in the spacious living room, and a flat screen TV. The music room was on the second level and was more like a mini gym with brand new instruments already lining the wall whilst the rest of the space was bare apart from some decorative sculptures. The top floor was the private area with bedrooms and bathrooms. Only needing the bathrooms on this level as they would be sleeping traditionally in sleeping bags downstairs, they left everything untouched.

Back down in the main room with their sleeping bags already set up and the giant lunch eaten, the discussion of the current activities began.

Mio stood as the leader with Azusa at her side. "Alright, who is staying here to do some training with me and Azusa? Kita, didn't you say you want to practice vocals with us?"

She nodded her head enthusiastically. "That's right." She stood with the pair, feeling proud for getting down to work right away and showing that she was serious about redeeming herself from the performance.

Ritsu was digging through her bags. She yelled out triumphantly as she pulled out a pair of bathers. "Well I'm going swimming with Yui, right?" she said, looking over to Yui whom was already stripping off her top layer of clothes to reveal her own bathing attire beneath.

"Yeah! Mugi, how about you?" the twin asked.

Mugi smiled apologetically to Mio, Azusa, and Kita. "I'm sure you three will have fun on your own. I'm going down to the beach as well, but I'll be sure to bring Ritsu and Yui back before dinner and practice."

Mio had been prepared for this. "Alright then, go and drown each other or whatever it is you ant to do. Just come back on time."

The three ran down the halls with their towels, yelling out their excitement. They were like a pack of wild animals, Kita decided, but quickly cast the thought away. These were her friends. She shouldn't think like that. Little did she know that Azusa and Mio were thinking the exact same thing.

They headed up to the music room where the microphone stood gleaming like a shining beacon. Mio could barely keep her hands off of it, wondering aloud how much it cost Mugi's parents, how old it it, if it was used often... In the end Azusa had to hold her back so Kita could adjust it.

Now recovered from her hunger for the microphone, Mio sat on the floor beside Azusa. "What are you going to sing?" she asked.

Kita thought for a moment. "I want to be challenged. The song that I came up with is too easy because I know it perfectly. How about Light and Fluffy Time?"

"Good choice," Azusa said. "That one will test you and we both know it so we can help you out."

Kita felt her nerves raging again even though she knew Mio and Azusa a lot better than she had when she first sung in front of them. She repeated this to herself in her head as she started to sing.

Singing, in Kita's opinion, was a way of releasing the emotions inside. Even if you're feeling exactly the opposite, you can always find that little bit of happiness or humour to bring to life with the words. It was a passion that she didn't even know she had until she had joined the club. She had always just done it as a relief, but now she knew the beauty of it.

"Okay, you're doing great, Kita, but the chorus needs to be a lot louder," Mio said gently.

Taking the information on board, Kita rose her tone higher. Her voice rang through the room, but she barely listened. If she did she would lose herself and make a mistake. She concentrated on the next words and let them flow out of her.

Azusa had her own helpful tips. She stood up and stopped Kita at certain points to fix her posture. She straightened her back, loosened her shoulders, and spread her feet apart squarely.

"Remember to breathe," Mio told her, smiling. "We don't want you to pass out, okay?"

Kita neared the end of the song before she reached her first major mistake. She got the lyrics mixed up with those of another song the band sang. She apologised and tried again, making the same mistake. From that point she was frustrated and messed up again and again even as Mio and Azusa mouthed the words to her.

"Alright," Mio said, standing up and moving into Kita's place at the microphone. "Let me sing those lines for you and maybe it will stay in your head."

No such luck. Kita repeated her mistake again, and this time she could hear the frustration in Azusa's voice, her temper spiking.

"Try to focus, Kita," she said with an edge to her voice. She spoke as though Kita weren't trying at all.

Of course, feeling terrible that she had made a fellow band member mad, Kita was nervous enough to mess up the next time as well, and Mio put a stop to the song altogether.

"This isn't working," she sighed tiredly. She looked at Kita with confusion written on her face. "Is there something bothering you? You need to clear your mind."

"I-I'm trying," Kita muttered.

"We need your voice!" Azusa let the words burst out before she could stop them. She clamped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry, but... it just gets a little frustrating."

Kita's worst fears were being realised. She was weighing them down. She looked to Mio who was wearing an apologetic face.

"Kita, maybe we should take a break. How about we go swimming?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful.

"I can't swim," Kita mumbled, another thing that she failed at. She looked up at Azusa who wouldn't meet her eye. That was one person in the band that wasn't happy with her musical skills. How many others would she upset?

As though sensing that her mood was dropping lower with every second, Mio grasped Kita's arm and pulled her towards the door with Azusa trailing behind. "Come on, I'm sure Ritsu will teach you."

That only made Kita feel worse.

The beach was sweltering hot under the burning sun. Kita was glad that she was wearing a two-piece because she felt exhausted through the heat just as she was.

Ritsu, Yui and Mugi waved them over as they swam some metres out in the water. As Kita, Mio and Azusa approached they seemed to notice that something was wrong. Ritsu was the first to drag herself out of the water.

"Hey, uh... did something happen?" she asked, looking at each of them in turn.

Azusa bowed her head as Mio spoke. "Nothing. We just got a little impatient and decided it was time to cool off. No one did anything wrong." She looked directly at Kita as she spoke, letting the girl know that she had tried her best and it was appreciated. Still, Kita felt further than ever from redeeming herself, let alone opening up to these girls. She wanted nothing more than to hide away in a corner.

"I see..." Ritsu took Kita's hand and pulled her across the sand to the water. "Alright, let's get cooled down then, right?"

"Ritsu, she can't swim!" Mio yelled from behind.

"I'll teach her!" the drummer cried back, not slowing down at all even as they reached the water. Kita's heart hammered in her chest and she cried out in fear, thinking that at any moment Ritsu would let go of her and she would plummet into the dark depths and drown.

Yui appeared at her side and splashed salty water into her face in greeting. "Let me help too!"

Mugi was floating on her back with a blown-up turtle keeping her afloat from beneath. She had a steaming cup of tea in her hand and frowned as Ritsu pulled Kita closer towards her. "I only have one cup," she sad sadly. "I'm sorry."

"She doesn't need tea," Ritsu said dismissively. "Do you think she could borrow that floaty?"

Mugi handed over the floating turtle and Kita clambered on, anything to be away from the bottomless water. She gripped the sides tightly, hanging on for dear life.

Yui couldn't help but laugh. "You look more like a cat than Azusa does!" she exclaimed.

Mio was yelling to them from the shore and they all turned as her voice travelled over the water. "Keep her safe! If anything goes wrong, bring her back here!"

"Obviously," Ritsu said, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Kita with an evil smile on her face. "For your lesson today, I will be your teacher."

"And me!" Yui chimed in.

"Me too!" Mugi didn't want to miss out on all the fun.

Kita struggled to find her voice in the chaos she was sure would unfold. "A-are you sure you want to teach me?" she asked, hoping against everything that they would change their minds.

"Absolutely! If we don't then you won't be able to enjoy your time here," Ritsu said.

"Besides," Yui added. "We're your friends. We don't mind."

Mugi nodded her head in a agreement. Her tea had mysteriously disappeared.

Kita gave in and decided that maybe this would be a good thing for her. She kicked her legs out in the water and propelled herself around for a while with the three girls close at hand. It wasn't long before Ritsu took the blow up turtle and returned it to Mugi. "Now I want to see you doing the same thing without the turtle."

With her stomach twisting and her hands shaking even in the warm water, Kita allowed herself to trust in them to save her if anything went wrong, so she started kicking her legs. At first she sank right down and Ritsu had to drag her back up, but the second time she managed to float with Yui and Mugi holding her up. They released her and she started to swim away, but she didn't fall beneath the surface.

"Good progress!" Ritsu said proudly. "How does it feel?"

How did it feel? Amazing. Kita had never been to the ocean before, and she had rarely swam except for at her childhood swimming lessons in her school at the local pool. She felt as though she were flying through the water with wings. It felt so soothing and calming that she forgot all about the mistakes during her vocal training and the anger that Azusa had shown. She felt free.

"This is amazing," she breathed.

"Amazing?" Mugi raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever been in the ocean?"

Kita shook her head, her smile still bright on her face. "No, this is my first time. I can't believe how good this feels! It's like all of my worries are far away..." She floated on her back and closed her eyes, letting the calm of the gentle waves carry her.

"Well you're easily impressed," Ritsu said. "I guess it is relaxing though." She followed Kita's example and laid back to float peacefully on the surface.

I could forget everything like this, Kita thought, a smile spreading across her face. I can finally relax just like my mother wanted, and I can stop worrying about everything. I've never felt so undisturbed before...

It seemed they were just beginning to drift off when Mio's voice brought them back to reality. "Hey, it's time for dinner!"

Kita jumped and thrashed out as she fell beneath the surface. She was in the darkness of the water, unable to make anything out but shadows. For a moment she was frightened again, but as she floated there in the dark, she began to calm. It was just like on the surface, only she felt warmer beneath. It was as though nothing could hurt her in the water, like none of the worries could get through.

Yui fell before her with cloud of bubbles surrounding her. Her cheeks were puffed out with the breath she held. She grasped Kita's arm and pulled her back up to the surface, back up to the painful reality.

Kita took in a breath as the air hit her. She filled her lungs again with the much needed oxygen as Yui poked her head face in front of her.

"Kitty, are you okay?" she asked.

Ritsu had her arms crossed as she floated behind. Mugi looked frightened as though she were facing a drowned victim for the first time.

Kita nodded her head. "I'm fine, don't worry. I just lost my balance for a moment."

As though not trusting her opinion, Yui turned to Ritsu.

"She looks fine," the drummer said. She began wading back towards the shore, keeping her eye on Kita. "Come on, lets go back before Mio is forced to come out here and herd us in."

As they swam back towards the beach Kita wondered what it was about the ocean that calmed her so and made her feel safe. The gentleness was so soothing that she rested her hand on the small waves that pressed against her. She would be coming back here if she needed the release, that she was sure of.

Back at the house, Kita felt the difference between calm emotions and raging emotions. Azusa still wasn't speaking to her, and although she looked as though she felt terribly guilty, Kita knew that she was stubborn, and she also knew that she was right. She was becoming a weight that they all had to carry.

Mio tried to keep the pair away from each other as they helped to cook in the kitchen. She gave Kita easy jobs as though she didn't think she would be able to handle the harder things that she tackled, but Kita didn't blame her. They didn't know anything about her really, so for all they knew she couldn't cook at all.

She missed the sea already and found herself looking out of the window at the sink that gave her the perfect view of the great blue waves. She only stopped gazing out when a giant ocean cruiser swept into the view and a hysterical Mugi pulled the curtains across. She was immediately on her phone, arguing with her family.

Yui was more worried about Kita than any of the other girls. She could see that something had changed. It was a bitter-sweet smile on her friend's face. She had been so much happier out in the sea, but now that she was inside she was faced with the problems and uncomfortable feelings again around these girls that were little more than strangers.

"Kitty, do you need some help?" Yui asked as she stepped into the kitchen. She wanted to stay with her more than anything because she felt that at the moment she needed a friend.

Kita smiled and nodded her head. "That would be great."

"Don't add chocolate to anything, Yui," Mio said. "Kita, keep an eye on her. She's got fast reflexes when it comes to chocolate."

Mio was right. Three times Kita had been caught out with a fat block of dark chocolate in her hands. It as amazing that she could detect it in a house she had never been in before.

Once dinner was cooking, Kita felt exhausted. All of the emotions were taking their toll on her. She was afraid that the girls would no longer want her in the band, she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to open up, she was afraid that she would make more mistakes, and she was afraid that this trip would be a bad experience for her all together.

"Kita? What is it? You look so tired." Yui was watching her closely as she washed the vegetables beneath the tap.

Kita shook her head. "I feel a little tired, actually."

Mio grasped the vegetables that Kita held. "Go and get some rest. Azusa, Yui, and I can finish up in here," she said as she took the vegetables into her own hands.

Grateful for the allowed reprieve, Kita headed out of the kitchen area to her sleeping bag. She didn't bother changing as dinner would be ready soon. She slipped inside for the warmth and soft comfort and closed her eyes.

It was only minutes later that the talking started.

Mio's was the first voice that Kita heard. It rang from the kitchen as she spoke to everyone, including Ritsu and Mugi who were chatting at the table. "She looked dead on her feet. No wonder, too. She's been trying really hard."

Ritsu sighed and placed down the fork she had been fidgeting with. "You're right, she really is trying. Is it enough though?"

Kita's heart skipped a beat. She listened closer.

"Don't say that," Mio said, but her heart wasn't in her words. She leaned against the kitchen bench and shook her head. "Regardless of whether it's enough or not, we need to keep trying."

"We are," Azusa said quickly, abandoning the half-chopped potatoes to turn and stare across the kitchen at Mio. "We're all trying really hard, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm not blaming her for that, but it's going to cause problems for the band."

There was a moment of silence. They all knew it was true. Kita's heart plummeted.

"I don't like talking about her like this when she's sleeping," Mugi said sadly. "I don't even like the way this discussion is going."

Ritsu ran a hand through her hair and sucked in a breath. "Neither do I, but I have to agree with Azusa. She isn't strong enough to grasp her musical skills, let alone let any of us in which is also crucial to being a member of this band. It's going to mean trouble in the future."

"Don't kick her out!" Yui begged, her voice loud. They all 'shushed' her and she sank back against the sink. "Sorry, but I really don't want any of you to kick her out. Please."

"That won't be happening." As always, Mrs Sawa appeared from nowhere. Mio collapsed to the tiles in fright and the teacher had to cover her mouth to muffle the laughter. All of the girls stared at her with bulging eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Ritsu whispered, astonished. "Where the heck did you come from?"

Mrs Sawa shrugged as though it were nothing. "I have my ways. You didn't think you could leave me all alone in that school, did you?"

Mugi stared down at her empty plate. "I'm sorry, I should have invited you."

The teacher waved her hand through the air. "Don't worry about it. All I'm concerned about right now is Kita and her position in this band. No one is kicking her out because you need her and she needs you."

Azusa let out a long breath. "She won't open up to us though, and it's making teaching her hard. I can't handle it when she makes mistakes because she won't let me close enough to become a friend."

"I know," Mrs Sawa said, making them all wonder if she had been watching them all this time. "I know that it's hard, but I am telling you that if you keep trying you'll break through her shell. Once that happens, everything will be fine."

"But how do we do that?" Mio asked seriously, almost desperately.

"Give her time. You never know what the future holds. Something could change everything for the better, and when it does you will thank me for convincing you to keep her."

They all stood in her wisdom and slowly nodded their heads. Maybe it would all work out.

"I feel terrible now. Why do I always get left with saying the hard stuff?" Mio complained.

"Well, it doesn't matter now," Yui said happily. "She's staying with us, and we'll all keep trying to help her out!"

All eyes turned to Kita, watching her as she pretended to sleep. They were all thinking of the same thing. How long would it take for her barriers to break down?

"Too long," Kita whispered to herself. "It will take too long."

Of course, as usual, they were all wrong.

The next day would change everything.