Chapter Ten
Break
Sleep didn't come easily to Kita. She hadn't had a night free of unease or nightmares since her mother had been hospitalised, and that night in the beach house was no different.
She sat up and rubbed her tired eyes. The rest of the girls were sprawled around her in their own sleeping bags, Mrs Sawa being the odd one out wrapped in a blanket as she murmured in her sleep. Kita was sure that there was something not quite right about the woman.
The night was getting darker and darker and the grand father clock chimed midnight near the front door. Not one of the girls stirred, but Kita was already on her feet and walking. She couldn't stand being in the dark room surrounded by the people that she barely knew. She felt too homesick, and her thoughts began to focus on her mother. It made her stomach tie itself into knots.
Ever since the conversation that had taken place before dinner, she had known that this would be a hard night. The band members discussing her future with them had been exactly what Kita had been hoping to avoid. However, it looked like her efforts of opening up were not enough, and neither was her will to use her skills. She was just too weak, too shy, and too afraid.
She remembered how calming the sea had been and strode towards the front door without any thought. Her feet led the way and she followed, stepping out into the night and shutting the door silently behind her. She walked the short distance to the sand, then didn't stop until she felt too tired to walk any further. She sat down on the cold, dark sand beneath the moon and wondered what she could do to be the Kita everyone else wanted to see.
Mum, she thought, looking up at the starry sky. I need you here. I need you to tell me that everything will be alright. She didn't care how pathetic she looked, wishing for her mother to hold her hand through the trip. She missed her too much to keep the thought out of her head. She wished so much that she could be sure that she was okay.
Then, at that moment, she felt it. A freezing hand of foreboding clenched tightly over her heart and she knew that something was wrong. Something had happened to her mother.
In her pocket, her cell phone began to ring. She dug her hand in and pulled it out, shoving it to her ear with a pounding heart in her throat. "Mum?"
No. It was a nurse carrying grave news. It was news that would change everything.
"Is this Kita?"
Kita recognised the woman's voice. It was the kind nurse that filled her in on her mother's condition often. "Yes, it's me," she said, her hands shaking. Something was wrong. So, so, wrong.
For a moment the woman didn't reply. She took in a breath before she spoke. "Kita, are you sitting down?"
"Yes."
"Good. What I'm about to tell you will come as a shock."
Kita's insides seemed to stop. She waited. "What?"
"It's your mother," the nurse said, her voice tight as she told someone the last thing they would want to hear. "An hour ago she had another heart attack. An emergency operation was performed... She died five minutes ago."
Everything fell away.
Nothing moved.
The world was still.
Kita heard a scream and didn't realise it was hers until her lungs ran out of air and stung deep in her chest. She fell to her knees, her mind struggling to keep up with what she had just heard. It couldn't be true. It was all too fast.
It was just too fast.
The scream pierced echoed through the house, waking all of the girls quite suddenly. They stared around at each other, silent questions hanging in the air.
Yui was completely incompetent in the morning no matter how early or late it was. She sat up quickly, her eyes darting around. "Where's the cheese?" she screamed, her mind still stuck in her dream.
Mrs Sawa was more alert than any of them, already on her feet and looking towards the window. She stepped closer and stared outside. All she could see were the shadows of the palms in the small front garden. She couldn't see through.
"What is it?" Mio asked, standing beside her. "Is there anyone out there?"
"Kita's gone." Azusa's face was white as she looked down at the unzipped sleeping bag that lay discarded.
The situation was grave. They all realised now how familiar that scream sounded. Yui was the first to put a voice to the thoughts swirling in the room. "Kita's in trouble."
Mrs Sawa, being the adult, took charge right away. "Everyone, we're going to look for her. Put on your warm clothes and lets head out." She spoke like a commander, making each request an order. "Be quick about it girls. Mugi, does anyone else live around here?"
The beach was private just for Mugi's family. They were some distance from any nearby town as well, at least an hour away. It was a little calming to know that it was unlikely that a drunk had wandered onto the beach, but the tension in the room was still thick. Guilt cloaked each girl heavily, especially Azusa. She stared down at the empty sleeping bag with tears welling in her eyes.
"It's my fault she's in trouble," she said quietly.
Yui pulled her into a hug, shaking her head. "No it's not, Azu-nya. Don't say things like that."
Mrs Sawa had her own words of sympathy. "Don't beat yourself up. Instead get dressed and come out with us to find her. Consider that your redemption."
Azusa, in a tight embrace with Yui, nodded her head. "A-alright, I'll come with you."
The girl's had been thinking well to gather warm clothes. Outside the wind had a chilly bite and swept over them in icy waves. They huddled close together, looking out over the tops of the flowing jackets and jumpers to search for their missing band member.
No words came from Mrs Sawa. She knew that she was responsible for these kids the moment she had turned up in the house. If anything happened to Kita she would be in a lot of trouble, not to mention the weight it would have on her conscience.
The scream was dead in the air, having past but leaving it's eerie ring. They remembered it better now that they were outside and searching for the owner of that voice. It echoed through their minds, a scream of despair and heartache.
"What's that?" Mio's sudden voice caught everyone's attention. They all stopped quickly in the sand and looked to where she was pointing.
There, half-buried in the sand, was Kita's mobile phone.
The ocean waves sighed quietly as they lapped at the shore. The water was alarmingly close by. Mrs Sawa and Ritsu broke away from the group and walked along the shoreline, searching fearfully for their friend.
Azusa was bending down at the mobile. It was a flip style phone, and it was still hanging open. On the screen was a number unknown to Azusa, and as she lifted it to her ear she let out a startled yelp.
"Someone's on the other line!" she gasped, passing the phone up to Mio.
Taking the mobile to her ear, Mio could hear a woman's worried voice on the other end. "Hello? Kita, please answer me! This is nurse Kazaki!"
"H-hello?" Mio said.
Ritsu cried out from the shore in shock. There had been a discovery on the beach. Walking through the water was a shadowy form. They stepped into the waves as they crashed against her. She didn't stop once as though she were in a trance. Twice she was knocked down, and she just pulled herself up out of the water and continued to walk.
Yui was beside herself with fear. She rushed over towards the water with Azusa, Mugi, and Mio, who was still listening to the woman on the end of the phone.
"What is she doing?" Mugi asked, her tone unusually high and tight.
Mrs Sawa was already pulling off her jacket and glasses. "She's either paving a way to China through the sea, or she's..." She trailed off, realising that it was probably something the girls didn't want to hear.
"She's trying to drown herself," Ritsu said, filling in the lost words. She took one glance at Mrs Sawa as though that was all she needed for permission, then pulled off her shoes and her jumper.
"No," the teacher said firmly, already stepping into the light waves. "Don't follow me, Ritsu."
Of course, Ritsu was never one to listen. She stepped after the teacher. "I can swim. It'll be easier with the two of us."
Mrs Sawa turned to glare at her, but there wasn't time to do anything else. She sighed in frustration and gave in. "Don't make me have to save two student's tonight, Ritsu. Please don't make it hard on me."
"I won't," the determined drummer said, and her and the teacher began to race off into the water.
Yui ran to catch up with them, waving her arms in the air and shouting for the speedy pair to wait for her. Mugi caught her around the waist and pulled her away from the water where she fell to her knees and began to cry.
Azusa stood rigid like a stone statue, staring out at Kita as she waded dangerously deep in the water. She watched her carefully, not daring to imagine what it would be like that far out. "It's my fault," she chanted, shaking from head to toe. "It's my fault she ended up like this."
Mio had the phone mashed tensely to her ear as though being on the line with this nurse would make everything okay, that with medical help so close Kita would be fine. She didn't dare think of how far away this woman was. She just kept on talking.
"What's going on?" the nurse asked firmly. "Where is Kita?"
She had a formal way of talking, so Mio assumed she knew Kita personally. "Please, tell me what's happened to her," she pleaded, assuming that Kita had a medical problem. "Why is she doing this!"
Nurse Kazaki could scarcely understand what she was hearing. "What are you talking about? Tell me what's happening!"
Mio watched as the dark smudge that was Kita disappeared beneath the water. Mrs Sawa and Ritsu were still some metres away, and as they saw her sink beneath the surface they dove beneath in pursuit. She swallowed and turned away. She didn't want to see anymore.
"Hello? Are you still there?"
"Y-yes. Kita, she... she's trying to drown herself in the ocean..."
"What!" nurse Kazaki gasped. She took a deep breath and Mio could practically hear her heart beating fast in her chest. "This... this is because of the news. I should have broken it lighter with her."
"What news?" Mio asked, her eyes darting back to the sea just as Ritsu and Mrs Sawa surfaced again, holding a limp Kita between them. "What's going on?" she demanded.
The nurse was quiet for a moment, then she spoke with forced calm. "I don't know how much she has told you, but her mother just died five minutes ago after her operation. Kita must he so distraught..." Her voice broke again into sadness, but Mio wasn't listening anymore. Ms Sawa and Ritsu were swimming up to the sand and Yui was fighting to rush in and help them. Mugi couldn't hold her by herself.
"I'm sorry," Mio gasped, letting the phone drop to the sand so she could run over and stop Yui. She caught her around the middle and dragged her down to the sand as she sobbed hysterically.
Mugi cried on Mio's shoulder as they lay on the shore line, waiting for the worst news as Ritsu and Mrs Sawa swam the last metres. Azusa was standing at the very edge of the water, waiting with her hands clasped together as though in prayer.
Ritsu sagged under the water-logged weight of Kita. She had her arm tight around her as she dragged her through the waves, keeping her head above the surface. She glanced at Mrs Sawa, wishing that she would say something encouraging, but her face was blank as she stepped silently through the waves, using all of her strength to hoist up the lifeless girl between them.
When they dove beneath the surface, Mrs Sawa decided that it was the most afraid she had been been in her life. Watching Kita fall beneath the waves had been almost too much to comprehend, but diving down after her to find her had somehow broken through to her realisation, and the weight of the situation was a heavy one to hold. Now she had the girl hanging half over her shoulder, and she couldn't even check to see if she was breathing yet. It was hard waiting for her heavy legs to drag her to the shore, but it was harder leaving the young Ritsu to guess at what would happen next, let alone the other girls that waited for them anxiously.
Your a teacher, she kept telling herself in her head. You have to take responsibility and fix things, even if it's impossible. Don't let them see a death at such a young age, especially not amongst their own bond.
Could she do it? Could she do the impossible?
The pair were barely at the shallow end of the sea when Azusa came crashing towards them, flinging spray up to the cold wind. She paused as she reached them, having not planned beyond that point, but her logical mind took control and she stood in front of them, grasping Kita's slack arm and pulling both her and the two holding her towards the beach.
Mio and Mugi finally released Yui, confident that she wouldn't drown herself in one foot of water. She raced over to the four as they began to drag Kita. To Yui it looked so uncomfortable for her friend, her face only half out of the water as her body pulled along layers of sand with it. "Your hurting her," she sobbed, but her words were ignored.
Mrs Sawa, showing amazing strength, yanked Kita by the arm and she came almost completely out of the shallow surf. Mio and Mugi had approached and watched from the side with frightened, pale faces as the teacher pulled the newest member of the band clear from the water.
None of the girls knew what to do, including Ritsu. She kneeled at Kita's side, watching her fearfully, waiting to see her draw a breath or move a finger. She did nothing, and she turned her eyes up to Mrs Sawa expectantly.
You're a teacher, the woman told herself again, looking down at Kita with fear clutching her heart. Don't let them all down, including Kita. You told her everything would be okay. The memory jabbed her like a cold knife, but it also gave her the flames of courage she needed. She bent down at Kita's side and laid her ear to her chest, waiting and waiting, hoping and willing.
The girls all watched, all fearing the same fear and panic itching inside. Yui's cries were the only sound in the silence. Ritsu reached out and pat her on the back soothingly, her eyes never leaving Kita's face as though at any moment her eyes would open.
Mio was shaking. Out of everything in the world that scared her, watching a friend who could very well be dead was the worst. Mugi shivered beside her, holding her arms tightly around herself as she closed her eyes and whispered under her breath. Was she praying? Mio reached out and clutched her hand. If she knew how, she too would be praying.
Azusa, feeling more guilt than words could comprehend, couldn't even stand. She kneeled in the sand, her eyes staring as she imagined what Kita's last moments would have been like in the water, drowning. Would she remember the horrible lesson they had taken that day? Would she remember Azusa's anger and impatience. She couldn't bare if after a few moments and loose tears rolled down her cheeks.
Mrs Sawa listened for Kita's heart beat, for that sign that she was still alive. This can't be it, she thought. I can't let it end like this.
A heart beat, so faint and small that Mrs Sawa almost missed it. She listened harder, her ear pressing against Kita's stilled chest. Another beat, now a gentle rhythm, but she needed to breathe.
"Please, Kita," the teacher whispered. "You can do this." She lifted her ear away and held a hand above the girl's nose, waiting to feel the warmth of her breath. Instead, she received a mouthful of water.
Kita coughed up all over Mrs Sawa who had jumped out of the way a little too late. She didn't mind though. The relief was enough to make her laugh out loud.
The girls that surrounded them let out cheers of joy, then rushed in to gather Kita up in a hug. They cried all over each other, but refused to release. They held on as though for dear life.
"Alright, girls, give her some room to breathe," Mr Sawa said, her hands on her hips as she smiled down at Kita. She gave her a small wink. "I knew you could do it, kid."
Kita, who had no idea what was going on, was lost in the moment of reunion. She allowed herself to be enveloped by the girls around her and soaked in the feeling of belonging and the love of friendship... then she remembered the phone call.
Mrs Sawa had Kita's mobile phone in her hand. She checked the screen to see that there was no pending caller on the other line, waiting for a reply. Not yet knowing the details of the conversation, she shrugged and held onto it until Kita was well again.
Yui was holding her arms around her knew newest friend as though she were a giant teddy. "Kitty, you scared me so much!" she half yelled, half cried in her ear.
Kita was in a stunned state, the near death experience and the fateful phone call that had turned everything upside down swirling in her head. It was a dangerous mix. She felt her stomach churning and pushed the others girls out of the way before she vomited on the wet sand.
Mrs Sawa rushed over and slapped her back until the water and other unmentionable stomach contents were cleared.
"Someone pass me a jacket," she said, her hand pressed to Kita's forehead.
Azusa knew that the sacrifice was hers to be made and she made it without any hesitation. "Here." She handed her jacket over to the teacher who then draped it over Kita's shaking shoulders. She would wait for the answer as to what Kita had hoped to achieve through drowning herself. For now, she needed to nurse her back to health.
As a group, they all headed back up to the house. Yui helped Mrs Sawa to support Kita who hadn't uttered a single word. She couldn't even face reality in her state. She was thinking of her mother's death and how the depths of the sea that had swallowed her up seemed to reflect the drowning feeling inside, and in all of the chaos it had caused, it had been so calming.
Inside of the house, Mrs Sawa took Kita to the bathroom to dry her off and change her clothes, leaving the rest of the band members to talk amongst themselves in the main room.
Yui was still devastated, wondering why Kita would try to kill herself like that. "I can't believe it," she gasped, holding her hands tightly together as they shook. She had never faced a situation in which she had to take everything seriously. It had come so naturally to her, but she certainly hadn't enjoyed it.
Azusa was crying quietly to herself on the couch. "What if it was me who-who caused this? I... I shouldn't have snapped at her..."
Mio sat down beside the weeping girl and pulled her arm around her. "It's not your fault, Azusa."
"Than what was it?" Ritsu was on edge. She was practically sitting on the very lip of her seat as her eyes darted from each girl individually. "What was it that pushed her too far?"
Mugi looked so uncomfortable. She had drained three cups of tea and was on her fourth. It trembled at her lips.
Mio shot Ritsu a glare. "Lets stop talking about it for now. Wait until Mrs Sawa comes out and we'll discuss things."
"Do you think she knows?" Yui asked, her voice lacking it's usual hype.
Azusa looked towards the hall, listening to the sounds of a hair-dryer on full blast. "I wonder if she does. Kita seemed drawn to her in some way." She spoke through the tears, but her voice was audible. "Mrs Sawa would be a good confident I guess."
Mio sank back into the sofa, hoping that none of them would bring up the phone conversation she had on Kita's mobile. She didn't want to be the one to tell them the truth, that Kita's mother was dead. She didn't understand it herself, but she didn't want them asking her questions she couldn't answer.She wanted to wait like the rest of them and breathe more sighs of relief that Kita was alive and safe.
"It was scary," Yui said suddenly, her voice haunted. "I've never seen anything like that in real life. I've seen it on TV, but the suspense is nothing compared to reality."
Ritsu was nodding her head, though whether it was in agreement or the need to simply move, none of them were sure.
Mugi cleared her throat before she spoke, not trusting her voice. "It was frightening. I don't think I will ever be able to step foot in this house without thinking of it."
They all fell silent as they realised that this would be harder on Mugi in her own way as this was one of her family holiday homes that she probably spent a lot of time at during the holidays. She still looked calm and strong though, keeping her composure up as she sipped away at her tea.
Mrs Sawa appeared in the doorway a few moments later. She leaned against the frame, her body looking weary from all of the work.
"Is Kita okay?" Yui asked, worried that there may have been a relapse.
Mrs Sawa nodded, pushing her glasses further up the ridge of her nose. "Yes, she's sleeping now in one of the spare beds. I hope that's okay, Mugi."
The blonde nodded her head. Anything at that moment would be fine, as long as she was safe.
"Good. I thought she could use some quiet for the night. Anyway, I suppose I owe all of you an explanation. You deserve to know the truth seeing as she is your friend." She strode over to the couches and sat down beside Yui, getting all of her thoughts in order.
Mio knew that this was her chance to speak. "Um, maybe I could start off until you can sort out everything," she said, leaning forward on the couch so everyone could hear. "I picked up Kita's mobile that she had dropped on the beach and there was a nurse on the other end. She asked me what was going on, and I told her that Kita was trying to drown herself. She panicked and told me that her mother had died after an operation only minutes before." She turned to Mrs Sawa, her own hunger for the remaining answers now growling. "Mrs Sawa, what was wrong with her mother?"
Mrs Sawa bowed her head. "It makes sense now... Her mother didn't pull through..." She jerked, seeming to remember that she was meant to be addressing all of the girls. "You see, she told me the day after that expelled student punched her that when she was little her mother became sick and she would have heart attacks instantaneously since then throughout her life. Her father left and it was just mother and daughter. Last year her mother was hospitalised and has been in the hospital since. She must have had another attack and died in the operation sometime this evening..."
Another moment of silence, each girl thinking their own thoughts. No one was surprised when Yui broke the silence as she always did.
"Is this why she has always been so shy and quiet?" she asked. "Because she was always thinking of her mother?"
"Sort of," Mrs Sawa said. "She was always by her mother's side and shut off from the rest of the world so she could dedicate her time to her. Also, she has become afraid of many things as her mother's sudden heart attacks traumatised her."
Yui's eyes filled with tears. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"She was afraid that you would judge her," Mrs Sawa said gently. "She knows that adult don't do things like that, so she came to me after I prodded her for the answer. Bust trust me, Yui, she truly does care for you. I can see it every day. She looks to you to hold her up as she tries to get to know you all. She promised me that she would open up more, like I said, but this event-"
"Could be the perfect opportunity," Ritsu interrupted. As the others stared at her, she shrugged her shoulders. "Think about it. We can take care of her now and prove to her that she doesn't have to do this alone."
Mio looked both shocked and disgusted. "Ritsu, imagine what she's feeling right now! Do you think she's going to let anyone in?"
"We'll barge in if we have to!" Ritsu shouted, her fist punching through the air. "It may be the only way to teach her that we're here."
Shaking her head, Mio shouted back at her friend. "That's not going to help her any, if we force her to see that were trying to help! Doesn't it sound wrong to you!"
Mugi cleared her throat and tapped the tea cup against the table. It caught everyone's attention and she took her moment to speak. "I believe you are both right. Ritsu, we should take this chance to prove to her that we will be here for her, and Mio, I believe we should be very careful and try our best not to leap on her with our support, so to speak. We should take it easy with her, but also make it clear that we care and that we want to be her pillars of support."
Mrs Sawa let out a tired laugh. "I thought I was meant to be the teacher here. Well put, Mugi."
The blonde blushed and hid behind her empty cup of tea.
Azusa sniffed, the last of her tears falling away. "You're right. We have to help her out through this. It's what I would want if I were in her situation."
Mio released a long breath and gave Ritsu an apologetic smile from across the room. The drummer simply nodded her head. Their childhood friendship gave them the link they needed to communicate without words.
Yui's face brightened up for the first time that night and she bore a happy smile. "I can do that! I did really well on the first day, right?"
"That's true, Yui, you did do well," Mugi agreed. "You convinced her to join us."
"I did, right?"
"Don't get too excited," Mrs Sawa warned, denting Yui's happiness. "Tomorrow you should all act normal and make sure you don't bring it up at all. She'll be in shock, and I'm sure the last thing she will need is help. We'll wait until the shock passes."
"Yeah, I've watched a documentary on a drummer once who lost his family in an accident, and when he was in shock he acted like it never happened. Someone brought it up when he was in this state and he had to face the truth. It almost cost him his life because he tried to hang himself." Ritsu spoke with her arms crossed over her chest and only realised that it was a horrible thing to say until she caught Mio's piercing eyes.
"Ritsu, shut up," the dark haired girl said.
"So does everyone understand?" Mrs Sawa looked tired and was clearly itching to crawl into the bed in the spare bedroom and sleep where she could also keep an eye on Kita.
Everyone nodded, heeding both Mrs Sawa's warning and Ritsu's story.
"One more thing," the teacher said as they all began to slide off of the couch and head to their sleeping bags. She continued as they gave her their attention again. "Don't blame yourselves for this. No one is to blame when things like that happen."
Hearing the strength of her words, the other girls all nodded quickly and agreed not to put the blame on themselves. Azusa stared at the ground hard as though she found it fascinating and Mrs Sawa placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Azusa, that means you too," she said, smiling through her shining glasses. "I don't want you to think that it was your fault, because it wasn't. It was her mother's death that made her head out into the sea, not you."
Azusa didn't realise that she was crying until Mrs Sawa pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her tears away. Blushing, the student slipped into her sleeping bag. "Alright, but I'll try really hard to help her."
"I hope you do," Mrs Sawa said as she rose. She looked towards the stairs, her face sad as she wondered about the emotions Kita must have been feeling when she made that decision.
That night, none of them got to sleep until very late, but they held onto the knowledge that their new friend Kita was safe and alive with them, and that Mrs Sawa was there to guard the door just in case.