Early days

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's not my characters. It's all for the love of my favourite alien...

And: Thanks again for all the kind reviews. It's what makes me get over my nerves and just keep uploading.

Part 8

Spock's point of view:

He had scared her.

That much was certain. He drew in breath and checked him self in the mirror. His formal Starfleet uniform were fitting like it was supposed to. He adjusted the gold collar to perfection and made sure the science-blue fabric was uncreased and lint-free. His thoughts a million miles away, or rather two weeks away.

Since that night he had had the whole scenario running in his thoughts almost all the time. He had berated himself for slipping and letting the human in him control his actions. Especially when he had been so close to regaining his Vulcan mindset.

He had not expected her to be there, in the dark lane, and, when she disclosed to him that she had felt lonely, something in him had jumped at the opportunity to make that connection with her. He had never been so forthright before. The kiss was something he had not foreseen and it had taken him by surprise that she had done such a thing.

He paused at the thought of what had been his first kiss. Strange that something like that should affect him like it had. The total lack of control and how he had completely forgot about the world was something quite new to him and he knew that he had shared emotions with her without being able to sufficiently to control it.

How a human would react when, unprepared, confronted with this sensation, he could not know. However it had seemed to make Nyota very uncomfortable and he could not forgive himself for forcing this on her. He was ashamed of the display of bad manners and poor control from his side. It was only natural that she had not wanted to talk to him since.

Besides, he thought, now that he was on his way to this social gathering, where he was to be recommended for the position as first officer, it was perhaps for the best.

He checked the mirror again; making sure the uniform was tidy and made his way out the doors.

At the admirals ball he quickly presented himself to the right people and made sure they had all registered that he was the best candidate for first officer, and then found a relatively quiet corner to stand.

"Ah, Commander Spock." An enthused voice said behind him. Spock braced himself as he turned. That was the voice of security-officer Moors, a genial, but somewhat shallow character.

"Officer Moors. I thought you had taken leave for the next two weeks." Spock said as he turned, but suddenly had a sensation like the floor had disappeared underneath him. Nyota was standing next to Moors, obviously as shocked to see him there as he was to see her.

Officer Moors was oblivious. "Say, Spock, Have you ever met this young lieutenant? She has some interesting views on the Romulans… And Ms. Uhura. If you want to put in a good word for getting on the Enterprise, you should talk to Spock here. He is in the loop." Moores smiled broadly at the both of them and walked of, not noticing the uncomfortable state of the two people he left behind him.

Spock looked out over the crowd and tried desperately not to betray any emotions.

"Cadet Uhura" he said every inch the guarded Vulcan. "I trust you have enjoyed the completion of your exams and that you are well?"

She held her eyes down cast. "Yes. Thank you. I am done with all my exams…" She suddenly looked up, catching him off guard. "… but I am not exactly well." Her eyes, so expressive, conveyed a sadness and hints of anger. "In fact, There are a few things I would have had happened different, and…" she stopped herself before her voice rose. She shot a glance at some people who stood near, to make sure they weren't listening in.

He moved a little closer to her and lowered his voice. "Nyota. I am truly… sorry… for what happened that night. I believe I was, as the earth-saying goes "caught in the moment", but that does not justify what I did. I assure you, that it was not meant to cause you pain or discomfort" He waited for her to speak, but she only looked at him, her mouth slightly open, her breath shallow and her eyes wide.

He thought that he needed to explain further; "I have but recently discovered that perhaps my human side is not as submissive as I had thought. In fact I have for quite some time felt that a union with a human woman would…" he struggled with how to put his words as precisely as possible without causing offence. "…Be something to be desired…" He felt himself unable to look at her whilst he was explaining his regrettable mistake. "And for almost the exact period of time, I have thought of you as the one with whom I could share this experience. On Vulcan a union is firstly a meeting of mind, and I was not prepared for the strengths of physical sensations when we… touched… that night. I made the error of transmitting some of my sensations to you and I regret that I could not control my emotions sufficiently."

He shot a quick glance at her. She was still not moving. He just needed to say the last bit and then he could go somewhere to meditate and calm himself. "I thank you for letting me discover my error, and for giving me time to… apologize." He almost winced at the last word. It was not usually one that the Vulcans would use. Still avoiding looking at her he made a slight bow and turned to walk away from her. He suspected he was now beginning to feel what humans called "a broken heart".

He made his way out, not wanting to stay at a place where he had felt such strong emotions. Maybe, if this was one of the perks of living on Earth, he might as well go back to Vulcan. At least there he could be centred again. After all he was raised to be a Vulcan and it would be easy to slip into Vulcan society. He could do that…

"Spock!" The voice hit him like a phaser shot in the heart. He heard her call again "Spock!" and the sound of running feet.

He waited. Numb.

She came running up to him. Eyes blazing. "You're an idiot!" she exclaimed as soon as she came near him.

He raised his eyebrow, almost as an imitation of himself, to attempt to look unfazed. However he could not find the words to answer her. He felt the two natures in him tearing him a part. The Vulcan wishing to go away and purge all emotions, and the human part, who wanted to touch her, to feel everything about her.

"I'm not angry that you kissed me, you dope! I liked that I felt what you felt! That's not what this is about!" She said intensely, tears starting to well up in her eyes.

He stood frozen. Staring at her like she had just started talking Ylwidic.

"You didn't say a word to me for almost two weeks after that! What were you expecting? I'm not the one with telepathic abilities here. Couldn't you feel that I was right there with you?"

He was unable to move. His thought process apparently out of function.

"Spock, Say something" she pleaded, her eyes filled with emotions.

He jolted. "I… You… Nyota… You liked what you felt?" he said, needing to hear it again.

She blinked and made a little smile "I loved it… It was just a bit much, to get used to, you know? But it made me feel so secure and wanted. I could never take that as an insult!" She smiled again, tears flowing freely.

Finally he was able to move. He gently took her hand and let his emotions seep into her. All the sadness and desire and admiration he had for her. She gasped and leaned into him.

"Is it to much?" He asked concerned.

"No. no, I just gotta get used to this feeling of feeling twice over." She looked up at him and gave him that crooked smile he had come to look forward to. "Come" she said.