If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job (yeah for summer breaks!) while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them and part of 3.19 for the evening…
A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for being the one to encourage me to keep going with what was supposed to be a one-shot. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review.
Chapter 4: Moments of Clarity
About a month later
The team has been up and working for three straight days with a few naps here and there. Exhaustion doesn't begin to describe where we all are physically and emotionally. My team went into a house last night and it almost collapsed on them. I can't even begin to process that yet. 'Burning Man' was walked through the murder room in pretty bad shape. Provenza said that he jumped into an "angry Julio". One more thing on my plate now… I want to get this interview with the 'Burning Man' done as soon as possible just so I can get a few more hours of sleep – most likely here – before starting the load of paperwork that this case has now generated for me. However, I am not likely to sleep between Stroh being on the loose and Julio getting himself in deeper trouble. My thoughts are just spinning so fast and I'm completely stressed out.
Andy holds back from everyone else who is walking 'Burning Man' to the interview room. It's as if he knows how much is running through my head right now. As he approaches me, I can still smell the smoke on his clothes from last night, which does little to help calm me down. I had managed to get a shower and a change of clothes, but he had not.
"If this psycho is working with Stroh, he's going to tell us," he calmly states. As he puts his hand on my shoulder, he lowly says, "Hang in there ok?" I can feel the thoughts starting to scatter as I know what has to happen next. I smile at him as I bring my hand up and place it upon his and hum quietly. That right there is all I need to get things to calm down around me. With a new sense of peace, I straighten up and enter the media room ready to listen to the interview.
MCMCMCMCMCMCMC
A few hours later, I'm sitting at my desk working on the pile of paperwork that our last case has generated. After knocking lightly on my office door, Andy asks, "Hey. Can I come in? I just wanted to see how you are holding up, Sharon." The sound of his voice helps calm the worry that has entered my body since finishing the conversation with Rusty. I notice that he has finally had a chance to grab a shower and change into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved polo. Suddenly, I feel extremely overdressed. This is Andy, the man who is patiently waiting for me to be ok to say that it is ok that our relationship progresses, not Lieutenant Flynn.
Quickly, I glance towards my other door which is still shut. "Yes. Can you shut the door and pull the blinds?" I reply. I'm a little shocked with my response. However, I want nothing more right now than to have my friend give me a hug as I explain the last conversation that I had to him.
He gives me a questioning look, but hesitantly replies with, "Sure. Am I talking to Captain Raydor or Sharon?" I giggle, breaking the tense mood. He smiles, "Got it, Sharon."
As soon as Andy walked in and started shutting the blinds in my office, it wasn't lost on me that Provenza started clearing the murder room. As he finishes closing the last of the blinds, I move to get out of my chair and walk over to him.
"Hi," I say as I approach him. I'm thankful that he does not feel a need to move away right now. Things have been different since we had that lovely dinner on the beach – not different in a bad way – just different.
"You really are not ok, are you?" I respond with a small hum of acknowledgement. "Come 'ere, Sharon," as he opens his arms. I take the last few steps towards him and let him envelope me in his arms. Immediately, my entire body relaxes and I start feeling how exhausted I really am. All of the sudden the tears just start flowing. Crud! I don't cry in front of people. I usually make it home to the shower before this happens. Once it does, it usually takes a while to get everything out. There is no way that Andy hasn't noticed either so I can't just walk out of the office. "It's ok, Sharon. Just breathe," he whispers in my ear. Yes, he did notice. I just bury my face further into his chest, breathing in his scent, and try to breathe to stop the sobs that are trying to start. The whole time Andy just rubs my back and whispers into my ear telling me that everything is going to be ok. It takes a few minutes until my breathing returns to normal as I let out everything that has been building over the last few days – Rusty having to face Stroh, sending my team into a situation where they almost all died, Julio's anger issues, Stroh escaping, being unable to save the girls, Rusty being in danger again, and realizing that I almost sent the man that I have feelings for to his death. As I am able to finally get a deep breath, Andy whispers in my ear, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Just give me a minute," I whisper. I notice my voice sounds really scratchy. I take a chance to breathe a little longer. He lightly brushes his lips against my hairline, something he has been doing more frequently since our accidental kiss at my door. Slowly, I pull back and wipe my eyes. I notice that Andy is purposefully avoiding looking at me, which I appreciate more than he knows, while holding out his handkerchief for me to use to wipe my face. Still keeping his eyes on the floor, he slowly starts stepping back. "Andy," as I whisper his name he looks up. I'm sure that my makeup is completely destroyed and I look like a total mess since I have slept maybe three hours since Friday morning. "Rusty refused his security detail."
"Oh, Sharon," he murmurs sending a now-familiar chill down my spine. He lifts his head meeting my eyes, "Do you want me or Provenza to try to talk to him?"
"No, he says that it is unfair that he has to be followed around all of the time just because he is a witness, while Stroh gets to go wherever he wants. He wants to be able to put being a witness behind him."
"Are you going to be ok with this?"
I hesitate, "I don't know. Right now, I'm not. Tomorrow, I won't be. In time, I do not know."
Andy reaches out for my hand, which I let him grab and hold. "How about I grab the kid and meet you in the lobby? I am honored that you let me stay by your side tonight, but I also know that you don't want him to see you in this state."
"I don't want to go home, tonight, Andy. I mean, I do, but I don't. I'm concerned about what could be awaiting us when we get to the condo."
"Well, I wasn't going to let you drive home tonight anyway. I would worry about you making it safely home with how exhausted you are. How about I drive both of you home and I stay until you are comfortable? If you aren't comfortable, then I'll just stay tonight – on your couch." His eyes tell me there is a lot more that he would like to say right now, but not wanting to add to everything I'm already feeling overwhelmed with he is holding back from telling me.
"Ok. I'll give you a 5 minute head-start while I pull things together here. Most of this paperwork can come home with me. Can you send the text to the team that they are not to step foot in here until Wednesday? Taylor doesn't want to see any of you before then. I have a meeting with FID at 9am tomorrow so it is going to be a short night." I am really looking forward to seeing my bed tonight. I'm glad that I purchased that air mattress for when I thought all of the kids were going to be staying with me over the holidays. I'm not willing to force Andy to sleep on the couch. It will kill his back.
"Meet ya in the lobby, Sharon. I'll make sure the kid knows what tonight's plan is. Do we need to stop for anything for dinner?" As I shake my head no, he drops my hand and I suddenly feel very cold and lonely. I miss the feel of Andy's hand in mine. This speeds up how fast I clean up and put away everything from my desk. I quickly check the office and make sure that I have packed everything and turn to walk out of my office. I am able to make it to the ladies room without running into anyone since Provenza and/or Andy have completely cleared the Murder Room. I smile as I start to clean up to meet my boys downstairs. My boys. Maybe this can become a regular thing. I like the idea of going home with my boys at the end of a very long day.