If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job (yeah for summer breaks!) while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them and part of 4.01 for the evening…
A special thanks to gingersnapped907 and several others for continuing to encourage me to keep going with what was supposed to be a one-shot.
Happy #ShandySunday! Hopefully, tomorrow will be as amazing as last Monday…
Chapter 5: Close the Door
About Five Months Later
"I'm just looking out for your best interests," Andy says.
"I've been looking out for my own interests for a very long time, Andy. And I don't need you for that," I reply.
"Ok," he replies as he turns away. Turning around, "So what do you need me for?"
"Close the door. Let's talk."
After he closes the door, I realize that this is not a conversation that we want spectators for so I add, "Close the blinds, Andy. Please." He grin gets larger, but he has to know that we're not going to talk about anything really personal here, right? We had gotten closer to needing to have a very specific conversation with Taylor and then Stroh escaped. I had to ask Andy to step back for a bit. If I was going to really let go of the threat against Rusty, it was time to start moving forward with Andy again. But for now, I need to talk to Lieutenant Flynn.
"Lieutenant Flynn, please sit down. There are a few parts to this conversation." I watch as Andy's smirk disappears and his face falls. I'm starting to realize just how right Nicole and Rusty were about office romances last December. They certainly are complicated and I have been putting parts of this conversation off for way too long.
I wait for him to raise his head so that he looks me in the eye before I continue. "The first part of this conversation is dealing with everything with Julio. You have been through many anger management sessions. Also, you are the only other person on the squad who has been suspended for your anger issues. You were not suspended as long as Julio or for what Julio did, but you still have the history and you have never hidden it from them. Julio is looking to see how you react to his suspension and your reaction is hurting some of the work that he has done while out. Your questioning of his return to the squad is effecting how this team is functioning. How would you have felt if anyone on your squad welcomed you back with the same attitude that you have shown through this case? What would have been your reaction if some showed you the same attitude when you came back? I don't need an answer, but what did you need upon your return? You need to take some time and think about those questions and then figure out what you can do to help with this transition."
I haven't seen the look on his face that he has in many years. Not since after we met after the last time that I had to send him to sensitivity training. I struck a nerve. I feel awful about it especially since I know what was behind his actions this time. He cares so much and I won't let him express it. He's waiting on me.
I breathe in and out again realizing that I need to continue this conversation so we can leave tonight and finish this conversation somewhere else. I lower and soften my voice as I continue, "Andy, the second part of this conversation deals with how protective you are acting towards me here at work recently. I need you to back off the protectiveness. When, not if, but when we go to report a relationship, your actions will be looked at as much as mine will." Before he can interrupt me, I continue, "I want to make this work both here and at home, but you really have to back off. Now, how can I help you do that? Just talk to me, Andy."
His jaw dropped as I let him into a little bit of what I have been thinking over the last five months. "Did you just say when?" I nod. "What changed?" he asked hesitantly. It's almost as if he doesn't believe what I just said. My thoughts drift back to a hurried conversation that we had over tea shortly after Stroh escaped where I asked him to back off because I couldn't handle deepening our relationship while Stroh's escape was hanging over our heads.
"This case reminded me that I can't continue to control everything that is going on in our lives. That there are situations that we have to let go of in order to continue on with our lives. Andy, I withdrew Rusty's security detail tonight. I need to let go and we need to start living our lives again. I am happy to continue with that part later, but not here at the office."
"Are you sure you are ok with dropping the security detail, Sharon?"
"Not entirely, but I will be – eventually. Now back to the question that I asked earlier, what can I do to help you be less protective of me at work?"
"I can be extremely overprotective of those I care most about – just as you are. I care about you and want to make sure that you are safe." I can tell that he is holding back for my sake.
"Are you saying that when we deepen our friendship that we aren't going to be able to work together?"
"No, I just think it's going to be something that I struggle with and we probably will fight about a few times. Think about how protective you are of Rusty. You went and put a detail on him despite him requesting none. If I had even thought you were in danger, I would not have hesitated even a minute to do the same for you. It scares me to think that something could happen to you – whether it is losing your job, someone on the team jumping the shark, or you winding up hurt physically or emotionally."
"Ok. I can see your point; however, I have been in this job just about as long as you have. In order for a relationship between us to work, we have to keep it out of the Murder Room. Do we need to not work on the same team?" I ask him a second time making sure that his eyes don't leave mine.
"No, Sharon, just give me some time to work through this. If there is something you can do to help me, I promise to tell you," he continues to hold my gaze.
"Andy, why don't you go finish your paperwork this evening so we can talk about the third part of this conversation over dinner. I think it's your turn to pick where we're eating."
"Yes, Captain. I need about thirty minutes to finish up the paperwork you love so much," he smirks as he gets out of his chair. As he walks out of the office, my gaze doesn't leave his body. Wow! He is really looking sexy tonight and he has no idea what I'm about to drop on him.