Burnett Residence
La Jolla, California
Sunday, July 4, 2004
2121 Hours (local)
The fireworks were done and Harm and Mac were alone on the beach, Trish and Frank having left them some time ago. The sand beneath Mac's toes was still warm from the sun earlier in the day, but the moon and the stars were the only thing overhead now. She was in a pair of shorts and a lightweight button-down shirt, and despite the warmth of the evening air, the ocean breeze sent occasional shivers up her spine. For a long time, she and Harm had just been enjoying each other's company, knowing that she had to leave the next day.
Without thinking about his actions, Harm reached down and picked up Mac's hand, which had been resting between them. "This is nice."
Mac squeezed his hand and nodded. "It has been good."
For several more minutes, the pair just watched the waves roll ashore. A couple was strolling along the beach, holding hands. They paused in their walking to share a kiss, and for a moment, Mac wished she were a part of that pair, Harm making up the other half.
"Mac?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you thinking?"
"Nothing, really." She was quiet for a moment. "You?"
"I think that as soon as the doctors let me, I'll come back east."
"Does that mean you want to come back to JAG?"
"I'd like to."
Mac squeezed his hand. "I hear a 'but' in there."
Harm said nothing for a full sixty seconds. "But I'm not sure it would be the right move."
Mac nodded. "And why is that?"
Once again, Harm was silent before answering, this time for much longer than sixty seconds. He turned and looked at Mac and when she felt his eyes upon her, she returned the gaze. "Do you want me back?" he asked.
"At JAG? Of course I do."
Harm glanced down at his hands. Holding their joined hands up, he asked, "But what about this?"
Mac studied their hands for a minute. "We'll see where it goes." She knew what he was getting at, but she didn't want to keep him away from JAG if that was where he really wanted to be. They would take things as they came, see where the road led.
Harm nodded and looked away. He figured her response would be similar to what she gave him. After many long minutes of silence, their hands still joined, Mac shuddered, and Harm felt it. "Are you cold?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Just a cold chill. I'm fine."
Harm released her hand and pulled her close to him, draping his arm over her shoulder. "This better?"
Mac nodded and Harm could feel the movement against his chest.
Later, Harm looked down and noticed that Mac was looking up at him, her brown eyes twinkling. "What are you thinking now?" he asked.
"Nothing," she responded, smiling softly. She certainly understood Harm's concern for the state of their relationship upon his return home because she felt those same fears. Despite her confident tone towards Harm, she needed someone to make her feel better about the situation.
"Yeah, right. I know you're thinking something."
Mac continued to gaze at him for a moment before answering. "This whole weekend has been nice. I needed to get away from everything back home. And I can't wait until you come home, because I have missed you." She swallowed before going on, "But when you get home, when you come back to JAG, because I know you want to, will it be the same?"
"Will what be the same?"
"You and me. Will you still feel the same way?"
"That's never going to change." He knew that no matter what happened between them, he would always love her.
"What if we mess this up?" she asked.
"We'll try again."
"After the last time, after everything, I don't know that I could try again if this doesn't work," she admitted weakly. She didn't know if her heart could take that kind of pain.
"Then we'll have to make this work," he whispered. He wasn't sure there would be enough of him left to try again either if they failed. He felt just as scared as she sounded.
Mac pulled herself up and away from Harm and looked at him.
"Are you scared?" he asked.
Mac nodded.
"Of what?"
"Of getting hurt again. Of hurting you. Of losing you."
"You'll never lose me, Mac."
"That's my line."
Harm smiled and reached for her hand again. "Would it make you feel better if I said I was scared, too?"
Mac nodded.
"I am."
It was Mac's turn to smile. "Do you think we can?"
"I know we can."
Mac looked away, out to sea.
He watched her for a moment, pondering his next move. "Mac?" he whispered, his voice just barely strong enough to carry on the wind.
She turned back to him, her eyes questioning.
Harm scooted forward, removing his hand from hers. Mac looked away, but Harm raised his hand to her chin and lifted it so that she was looking at him again. She swallowed and he asked, "Is this okay?"
She could barely hear him, but she knew what he was asking. Her breath had left her when he touched her chin and she was waiting for it to return, but as long as he continued to look at her like he was, with such love, such adoration, and such wanting, her breath wasn't going to return. She nodded her head, but only barely.
Harm gently touched his lips to her, so lightly at first that Mac thought it was her imagination. But as he increased his pressure, she knew this was very real. Reaching up with one hand, she moved it behind his head and pulled him closer, increasing still further the pressure of his kiss. His tongue slipped out of his mouth and traced the shape of her lips, running along the seam between them, begging for entrance. As Mac opened her mouth to grant him access, he reached around and pulled her closer to him, nearly pulling her onto his lap. When his tongue slipped inside, Mac let out an involuntary groan of pleasure, her other arm snaking around Harm as she pulled herself to him.
They finally broke for air and Harm asked again, "Is this okay?"
"As long as it's me you're kissing," Mac responded, smiling.
Harm looked down at their legs, now entangled, Mac half on-top of him. "I'm sorry about that whole mess."
"I know. I'm sorry, too," Mac said. "I'm sorry I got so angry that I never gave you a chance to apologize or explain or anything. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer before about what was going on in my life. I'm sorry for pushing you to it."
Harm smiled, "How about we both just admit that we're sorry and leave the whole event in the past, work on going forward from here?"
"Forward sounds good," Mac nodded.
"Good. Then kiss me again," Harm insisted, pulling Mac's head forward again.
She went along willingly.
Harm's fingers tangled in her hair, his other hand ran up and down her back, every once in a while slipping beneath her shirt to feel bare skin. Likewise, one of Mac's hands could be found wandering beneath Harm's shirt, touching his skin. Gently pulling Mac to the side, Harm laid her down on the towel they had been sitting on. They continued to kiss, their tongues dancing to a rhythm as old as time itself. Side by side they lay, exploring each other with their mouths and their hands. One of Harm's legs was between Mac's. She found herself pressing on his thigh and could feel Harm's arousal on her other thigh.
As they pulled apart for a moment to catch their breath, Harm said to Mac, "I haven't felt this good in a long time."
"Since the accident?"
"Before then."
"Since…" Mac trailed off, thinking of so many things.
"Maybe not ever," he whispered as his lips captured hers again.
Long minutes later, Mac pulled back. "Harm?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to go up to the house?"
It was a simple question, but Harm didn't know what she meant by it. It was an innocent question, but the gleam in her eyes suggested there was more than just appeared on the surface. He nodded, hesitant to voice his thoughts and ruin the spell that had been cast over them.
Mac pulled herself away from Harm and got to her feet. She held her hand down to help him up. Once on his feet, Harm picked the towel up and shook the sand out and they walked back to the house, hand in hand.
After hanging the towel over the deck railing, they went inside. Both were relieved to neither see nor hear Trish and Frank anywhere. They didn't so much as care where they were, just as long as they weren't around them.
Still holding hands at the top of the stairs, Mac pulled Harm towards her room. Only then did he show the first signs of hesitation. "Mac, are you sure?"
Mac nodded, smiling.
"It's not that I don't want to," he went on, "I just don't want to mess this up."
"We won't," Mac responded, her words similar to the ones he had spoken down on the beach, implying a confidence she didn't completely feel, but she wanted this, wanted him. She needed to be with him. Kissing him again, she kept him from speaking any more, dragging him into the room. Harm shut the door quietly behind them.
They fell onto the bed together and continued the exploration that had begun down on the beach, deepening it, taking it further. Mac had left the bedside light on earlier and she reached to turn it off, but Harm stopped her. "Don't. I want to see you."
Mac smiled softly and left the light alone. Kissing him again, she lifted the hem of his shirt to pull it off him. They separated so she could bring the material over his head, ridding him of the garment. Their lips met again, but only for a moment as Mac moved to explore. Her lips longed to touch every inch of him, from his ears to his jaw down his throat across his shoulders and around his nipples. She longed to run her tongue through the perfect amount of chest hair across his chest. Taking her time, she did exactly as she wanted.
Harm's long arms reached down and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off her shoulders. Once bare, Harm's hands explored the soft skin of her backside before he pulled her up to kiss her lips again. "Your turn." Taking his time with his exploration, he kissed her over her red bra and down her stomach, hesitating at her belly button. Kissing his way back up, he halted his exploration momentarily to reach underneath her and unclasp her bra. He gently freed her breasts, in awe of their perfection. Leaning down, he lightly kissed one already hard nipple, swirling his tongue around theareole, his fingers rolling the other nipple. After a few minutes of this, he switched, sending his tongue to the opposite nipple, giving it the same treatment. Kissing his way back up, he found her lips again, his tongue slipping easily inside. One of them moaned, Harm wasn't sure whether it was him or Mac.
Rolling them over so she was on top, Mac kissed her way down his torso again, following the narrow trail of hair down south. Reaching the waistband of his pants, she slid her hands up his legs, moving to unbutton his jeans, her hands brushing his hardness. Harm groaned in response. As Mac worked to remove his jeans, he lifted his hips, allowing them to slip off. Mac moved leisurely back up his legs, her hands moving achingly slow, lightly skimming his skin, causing goose-bumps to form. Reaching his thighs, her hands moved up the legs of his boxer shorts, her progress slowing even further. "Mac…" Harm hissed out between his lips. She was going to kill him.
Smiling, Mac slid her hands back down his thighs, moving back above his boxers. As she straddled him, he reached up to touch her breasts. Moving his hands down to unbutton her jean shorts, one of his hands snaked inside, brushing against the lace of her underwear. This time it was Harm that rolled them over, easing Mac's shorts off once he was on top. Kissing his way back up her legs, he maintained eye contact with her. He was drowning in the chocolate depths of her eyes, but there was no place he would rather be.
Harm kissed her mound over her red, lacy, underwear. "Were we being patriotic today?" he asked as he kissed, losing himself in the scent of her arousal.
"Maybe," Mac whispered, arching her hips forward, urging Harm closer. She was going to die if he didn't do something soon.
Moving away from her core, Harm kissed his way up her body, stretching himself across her to find her lips again. His voice a whisper, he said, "I like it."
Between kisses, Mac responded, "I… like… you…" When her simple statement was completed, she flipped them again, placing herself, once more, on top. Her core was hovering mere inches from his organ. Smiling with a devilish grin, she slid one hand inside his boxers and grasped him firmly.
"Oh, God, Mac," Harm groaned. He wanted to yell, he wanted to explode, but yelling would alert his mom and Frank, and exploding now would end their activities before they got started.
Mac moved her hand up and down him, slowly. Finding the drop of liquid already present in his excitement, she spread it around, circulating out from the tip of his length. She had only felt him once before like this, but it was quick and desperate and she had not been able to truly enjoy the experience, or even see what she was doing. But now, Mac was certain she would never get enough of touching this man, pleasing him.
As she pulled her hand away, Harm mourned the loss of contact. The sound he emitted was close to a whimper.
Mac only continued to smile as she gently pulled down his boxers. Raising his hips once again, Harm felt the material slide off him. Spending a moment looking at him, Mac marveled at the sight before her. Lowering her head, she placed a kiss on the tip of his penis, tasting him.
Harm groaned again. Kissing her way down his length, Mac ran her tongue back up like she was licking an ice cream cone. Moving his hands, he gripped her head, urging her onward. He didn't want her to feel like he was forcing her to do this, but he wanted what she was offering. When Mac placed her whole mouth over him, he thought he was going to die in the warm heat that was her mouth. Moving up and down, her tongue swirling around, she stroked his thighs, sometimes hard, sometimes soft, and every once in a while, she would use one hand to play with his balls. He didn't know what she would do next, but if she didn't stop, he was going to explode.
Mac felt him drag her up. Her lips found him, desperately seeking to be connected to him. Rolled them again, he tugged her underwear down as they moved. Once the thin scrap of material was gone, Harm traced the outline of her lower lips with his fingers. Slipping one finger into her slit, she gasped. Sliding his fingers through her wetness, he teased her clit. Harm moved his lips from hers and kissed his way down again, his tongue licking the skin in the valley between her breasts. As he reached the juncture between her legs, he slid one finger further into her, causing her to moan in pleasure.
Tentatively, he reached his tongue out and lapped at her juices. He had tasted her once before, but it wasn't nearly enough. That night, he had wanted to do so much more, take them so much further, but it hadn't been in the cards. Now, it was their turn. Slipping a second finger inside, Harm's tongue teased her clit. "Harm!" Mac called, losing herself in the sensation. Arching her hips forward, she pushed Harm's fingers deeper inside. The spring inside was twisting tighter and it was about to release. "Harm…" she moaned, her knuckles white from her tight grip on the sheets.
Swirling his tongue around her clit, he bent his fingers deep inside her.
"Oh God!" she yelled.
From between her legs, Harm grinned. It was a beautiful sound, one he would never grow tired of hearing. Moving back up, he laid beside her as she came down and was caught off guard when she rolled back on top of him.
Crashing her lips on to his, her tongue invaded his mouth as her center hovered above his erection. She lowered herself, not on to him, but close enough to lubricate him.
"Mac…" he breathed as she broke the kiss.
"Do you want this?" she asked.
"More than anything. I want you."
Mac kissed him again.
Harm struggled for control and rolled her under him again. He was poised at her entrance. Sliding himself along her, he lubricated himself further. Mac moved her hips forward, encouraging him. "I want to feel you, Harm. Inside me."
Harm began to ease himself inside.
They both groaned at the beginning of their joining.
"Are you okay?" he asked, with just his tip inside.
"Don't stop," Mac begged.
Harm slid a little further in, unable to stop himself. "No, I mean, are you okay? We agreed to wait another year." His voice was strained and it was taking all of his self-control to not give in and bury himself completely.
Mac paused at this. Shaking her head, she wanted to cry. "I'm not, Harm. Do you have anything?"
Shaking his head, his heart broke even as he slid further inside. "I left them at home. I wasn't planning on using them out here. Do you?" He knew by the look in her eyes, though, that she was as unprepared as he was. They had come so close, but they were going to have to stop because they weren't covered for birth control.
"I wasn't expecting this to happen," she whispered as she moved her hips forward, unable to stop.
Harm was almost all the way in, and knowing it might be all he would get, he went ahead and pushed the rest of the way in. Hesitating to even think of his mom and Frank in such a manner, Harm doubted they would have any condoms. It looked like they were stuck.
Mac wrapped her arms around Harm, pulling him closer. "I don't want to stop," she whispered. Moving her hips, she emphasized her point, her breathing heavy.
Harm moaned, thrusting in response. Breathing heavily as well, he could smell their arousal, the scent of Mac's shampoo, the smell of the beach. He never wanted to leave now that he had found his piece of heaven.
Mac clung to Harm like it was all she had. They both kept moving, neither willing to call a halt to the experience. Rolling herself back on top, she willed herself to stop.
Mac was bent low over him, her torso pressing against his. Leaning up and kissing her, his hands explored her backside. Reaching low, he clutched her rear end, pulling the skin taut, the action causing her to gasp. "Oh, Harm…"
They were both still moving. Mac didn't have it in her to stop this union. "What if…" Harm began, desperate to continue, "I pull out."
"I could still get pregnant," Mac breathed heavily.
"If that happens, will figure it out. I promise," Harm managed to choke out.
Mac nodded, knowing she shouldn't accept this, but powerless to stop it. Her body and her heart were staging a revolt and refused to listen to her brain.
Harm rolled them over once more and balanced himself on his forearms above her. "God, Mac…"
They continued the slow dance they were engaged in, both of them knowing they were playing with fire. Mac trailed her nails up and down his back while Harm twisted her hair around his knuckles. Their groans, moans, gasps, and hushed words created a song to which they alone danced.
Harm felt the tension building in her and knew she was close, but he didn't know if he could hold off until she finished. "Mac," he breathed. "Let it go."
Her breathing quickened even more. "Harm!" she called as quietly as she could.
Feeling her muscles contract around him, he tried to hold on as long as he could, draw out the pleasure for her, but he knew he couldn't last.
"Oh, God, Harm…" she moaned, louder this time.
Was there ever a more beautiful sound? At the last moment, Harm called her name and pulled out, barely making it. Spilling his seed over her stomach, he collapsed on top of her.
For many long minutes, they lay together, catching their breath. The scent of their union filled the room. Harm breathed in her shampoo, mingled with her sweat, and Mac could smell the traces of his aftershave, also mingling with his sweat. Finally, Harm pulled off her. Neither of them knew what to say.
Mac moved to the side a little and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand. Wiping Harm's seed off her stomach, she carelessly tossed the tissue on the floor and moved back next to him, curling herself around him, one hand splayed across his chest.
Harm pulled her close with one arm under her shoulders. Rolling onto his side, he wrapped his other arm over her and nuzzled into her hair. His voice barely audible, he said, "Love you."
"Love you, too," she whispered back, just as quietly.
Harm moved to slip out of the covers as Mac started to doze off.
Tightening her grip around him, she said, "Stay."
It was all he needed. Harm reached up and turned the light off, content to settle in for the night.
xxxxx
Burnett Residence
La Jolla, California
Monday, July 5, 2004
0733 Hours (local)
Harm woke up before Mac the next morning. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He would have been happy to stay with her, but he knew he wasn't going to go back to sleep, and instead of disturbing her, he decided to go ahead and get up. Sliding out from under the covers, he pulled his boxer shorts back on and walked to the door. Pausing, he glanced back and smiled at the sleeping woman still wrapped in the sheets. She was incredible.
Slipping out of the room, he closed the door quietly behind him and crossed the hall to his room. Shutting that door behind him, he quickly changed his clothes. He went downstairs and was surprised to see his mom at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and reading the paper. "Morning," he said calmly.
"Morning, dear," she called. "Sleep good last night?"
Thinking about the previous night, Harm poured himself a cup of coffee. Before he had even fallen asleep, it had been the best night of his life. Sex had never felt like that before. It had never been like coming home. He knew, without a doubt, that never in his life had he made love, until Mac. Last night he had probably slept better than he ever had in his life. "Yeah," was all he told his mom.
He took a seat at the table with his coffee and picked up the sports section.
"That's nice," Trish said, looking up at him, smiling, her blue eyes twinkling.
Harm met her gaze for a moment before returning to the paper. He knew she knew. How could she not? His bedroom door had been left open all night and he and Mac hadn't exactly been quiet. Hell, he was 40-years-old and he knew his mom knew he wasn't a virgin; she wasn't that naïve. But he wasn't about to discuss his sex life with her.
"You and Mac should go out today," she suggested as she sipped her coffee.
"We don't have a car," he reminded her.
"You could take mine."
"You aren't going to work?" Harm asked, glancing up from the paper, surprised.
"The gallery will survive a day without me."
"Oh."
"Take Mac out to lunch, do some shopping. I think it would be good for you guys to get out of the house for a while before she has to catch her flight."
Harm nodded. "I'll have to ask Mac when she gets up."
"Ask me what?" Mac asked as she entered the kitchen. Her eyes were still filled with sleep and her hair was disheveled, but in Harm's eyes, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
"Do you want to go out today for lunch, maybe do some shopping?" Harm asked, smiling. He wanted to go to her, take her in his arms and kiss the daylights out of her until she agreed to go back upstairs with him and get back in bed, but he also wanted to talk to her before they did anything more public with their relationship, make sure she was okay with everything.
Mac nodded. "That sounds good. We can do that."
Trish smiled. She knew Harm would love to get out of the house and go somewhere other than to see a doctor. Having Mac with him would only make it better.
Mac poured herself a cup of coffee and took a seat next to Harm. Deciding to follow his lead, she acted as if nothing had happened the night before. "Did you have anything particular in mind?" she asked.
"There's a restaurant down on the pier with a great view of the ocean and there are lots of little shops around there."
Mac nodded, smiling. "It'll be fun."
xxxxx
Seaside Escape
La Jolla, California
Monday, July 5, 2004
1307 Hours (local)
They had both ordered salads for lunch. As Mac put a forkful into her mouth, Harm asked her, "Should we talk about it?"
"Last night?" When he nodded, Mac shook her head and continued, "It happened and I don't regret it. I wanted it to happen."
Harm couldn't help but to smile. Even though she had invited him into her room, he was still afraid that she would regret it today. Fearing that she had gotten caught up in the moment and now resented him because he had followed through had made him unsure, but at her words, that fear was gone. "So did I."
Mac smiled as she speared some lettuce and a piece of a tomato, all drenched in salad dressing. "Then there is no problem."
"I didn't say there was."
Mac continued chewing for a moment. "Has this changed how you feel about coming back to JAG?"
"I still want to come back, but…" he trailed off.
Mac shook her head and put her fork down. "Absolutely not. Do not base your career decisions on me. Don't worry about me. Do what you want, what makes you happy."
"You make me happy."
Mac picked her fork up. "Okay, do what makes you happy career-wise."
Harm nodded and took a bite of his salad. "What does this mean for us, then?"
"We are what we are," Mac stated simply.
Harm regarded her for a moment, but didn't say a word.
"Don't ask me what we are, though," she smiled. They had never really been able to put a label on their relationship with each other, so why should now be any different? "But can we get off the topic, please?" she asked, her eyes pleading.
"I guess so, but… why?"
"Last night happened. It was a beautiful thing that neither one of us regrets. Yes, it's changed things between us and I'm not sure how things will be when you come back east. But I feel like it was a step in the right direction, forward, and I'm afraid that if we talk about it too much, we'll analyze it to death, and end up taking two steps backwards. Best to let sleeping dogs lie."
"Good point," Harm nodded as he took his last bite of salad.
They were silent for a few minutes, each enjoying the company of the other. Their server came, Harm paid the bill, and they walked out of the restaurant, hand in hand.
They wandered around the area, gazing through windows and ducking inside shops. Mac bought a new pair of shoes and a lightweight dress to take home. She also got a few little toys for little AJ and Jimmy. As they passed one window, Mac stopped to look in at the jewelry. Even though she didn't say anything, Harm followed her gaze to a simple ring, nothing more than a gold band with a diamond. Knowing what was on her mind, he vowed to make things right and told himself he'd come back one day soon.
xxxxx
San Diego International Airport
San Diego, California
Monday, July 5, 2004
2115 Hours (local)
Harm and Mac stood outside the set of double doors leading into the airport, Mac's bags at their feet. Trish was in the car, the engine idling. "It's been a great weekend," Mac smiled up to Harm.
"Thank you for coming. I'm sorry I made you miss Harriet's party, though."
"No offense to Harriet, but I think I enjoyed this more," Mac grinned, her eyes sparkling.
Grinning back down to her, Harm responded, "Good to know. I'll have to file it away for later use."
Mac laughed. "I have no doubt you will."
Suddenly serious, Harm grabbed her hand and said, "I wish I was going with you."
"You know, about a month before your mom called me to tell me you were in the hospital, I had won a huge case in court against Sturgis and Bud. It had been an uphill battle, so when I got home, I was so excited. I picked up the phone to call you and remembered you weren't home. It completely deflated me, but it also made me realize that I was ready for you to come back into my life. I wanted you to come home. I missed you, and I wish you were coming home now," Mac finished, her eyes threatening to tear up.
Harm squeezed her hand. "I'll come home soon. But if you want to call me, for any reason, call me."
"That goes for you, too."
Harm smiled. "Well, you'll get sick of me calling you real quick," he teased.
"Doubt it," Mac smiled.
For a moment, they only gazed at each other, oblivious to the people moving around them. "Aw, hell," Harm said, grinning. Pulling Mac towards him, he wrapped her in his arms, kissing her passionately.
Mac was caught off-guard, but she quickly gave herself over to the situation. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled his head down to her level. As she slipped her tongue out of her mouth, Harm opened his mouth under hers. Their tongues danced and they quickly became lost in each other. Pulling back for air, neither of them could help smiling. "Wow," Mac said.
"You got that right," Harm said.
"If I get goodbyes like that, I'll have to leave more often."
"You better not," Harm threatened, pulling her close for one last kiss.
When they separated, Mac took a step back, putting some distance between them, fearing that if she didn't, she'd end up with a UA charge against her in the morning.
Harm picked up her bags and held them out to her. "Call me when you get to work in the morning, just to let me know you got in all right."
"Will do." Unable to keep the words from spilling out, Mac said, "Love you, Harm."
"Love you, too, Mac," Harm responded automatically, but still meaning every bit of it.
Mac quickly turned and left without saying another word and Harm watched her go with a smile on his lips. In the idling car, Trish was also wearing a smile.