CHAPTER 6: HUNTER

I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

Instinct.

Vampires were useless without it. I had been useless. Until now.

My nostrils were flaring, easily picking up the scents swirling through the air. I could hear the beating of hearts, the pulse of fresh blood was ringing in my ears. The sound of hoofs on the steep surfaces of the mountain paths begged me to follow.

To hunt.

To kill.

This was so easy. And yet, the sensation of the smell of blood threw me a little. Like I had been desensitized for a long time. It was painful, because it burned. Not like the burn I had experienced before – I'd never feel that kind of desire again, or any other kind for that matter – but it did feel more uncomfortable than I had expected.

Granted, it had been a while since I had hunted. And even longer since I had actually enjoyed the chase.

And I was actually enjoying myself right now. It was a necessity to play the game of hunter and prey, essential to the plans laid out for me.

I needed to find new strength. Not just physically - it was a lesser priority, since I was still fast. But mostly mentally. I could feel the strain against my muscles. It wasn't uncomfortable; it made me feel like I was in control of something. I could concentrate without the ripping pain threatening to cut me to pieces. For the moment.

As I approached the herd of deer - such a simple chase, a minimal hunt not worthy of anything more than an afterthought when it came to the ability of hunting - I realized a small part of me felt an odd sense of unwanted excitement. It bothered me, since I'd given preference to my bleak depressed state for so long, but for the moment, it made me alert enough to respond.

Which was new.

For seconds, minutes, hours and even days I'd been hiding away in my own black solitude. Being a pest to my hosts; the Denali coven. And even more so to my family. They all had tried to tiptoe around me. They had to be sick of me by now.

And I was sick of them. It wasn't fair to feel that way, I knew that. But it was so tiring to have to face them every day. To have to disappoint them every day. I could tell by their thoughts they all hoped I'd feel better eventually.

My family out of concern, Tanya out of hope. The other members of the Denali Coven cared less about my attitude and didn't pay much attention to me. To them I'd always been an outcast.

A true disappointment in the vampire spectrum, I was sure.

Because ultimately that's what I was. I was nothing but a disappointment. And the fact all I could think about were my weaknesses and my pain, only added to the feeling of failure.

How selfish I was. Nothing new there.

Nothing but a downward spiral of self pity and self-loathing. How befitting. Such brilliant punishment. I remembered my monotone life from before but now I almost longed to have it back. Back then, I'd been aware of something other than a hollow in my chest, because I hadn't known that something was missing. I'd gone through day after day, staring at cracks in the walls at Forks High, moving from place to place, feeling like my life would never change. Well, it was one thing to feel that way and another to know your life could have been a certain way, a way in which you were happy and now it was never going to be like that again.

Never was I going to feel alive again.

Something so essential to mankind. To human kind.

Of course, I was barely human. So it made sense I couldn't hold on to the one thing that had made me feel alive.

Bella.

More self pity. Of course. Nothing new in essence, except for a new edge to how I felt.

The only thing different now was the need to act. To protect. Alice's vision had been successful in that sense.

And painful, confronting and wry as it was, was useful in a way too. It gave me a purpose.

I felt the adrenaline rush through me, masking the pain that was tearing me up inside. But masking wasn't healing. It was only temporary that a hint of fake adrenaline coursed through me.

The pain hadn't gotten better. As if pain could ever get better. I thought of how Carlisle would sometimes act as a grief counselor at the hospital for families who had lost a loved one.

I didn't feel like that. My pain wasn't similar to the pain a lover felt when losing his other half through death. A family mourning a member.

My pain was death. It was not just sorrow and grief; it was pitch black, suffocating, life sucking.

Death.

And I was very much aware of how unjustified it was. It had been my choice, all along. My choice to do the right thing. To safe Bella's life and give up my own.

I had chosen death.

It was ironic. Death had chosen me once before, a long time ago, but Carlisle had put a halt to it. Instead he gave me life, albeit immortal and eternal.

And now, by my own admission, my own choice, I had chosen death again.

Not literally – I wasn't that fortunate. I was still breathing and oddly alert while running towards my prey. But the best part of me, - the alive part – was gone.

My heart was gone. Replaced by the hollow.

It felt like I had left it somewhere way back there in the state of Washington.

Forks.

Buried under a floorboard, without the keeper of it knowing how close it was.

She'd never know that I had lied, lied about making it seem like I had never existed. I'd left all the important parts of myself, all but my memories, with her.

As the smell of animal blood – dull and barely appetizing – assaulted my senses – I thought of my purpose. To push back the darkness and focus on what was important.

Bella. Keeping her safe.

Alive.

I owed her that much, after she had given me the same sense of liveliness.

The keeper of my heart needed to be safe and alive. Even if I could never be with her again – which was exactly what I was intending to do – never be with her again, never touch her flushed scarlet cheeks, never see her smile, never feel her warm breath – her lips…whispering my name…

Edward, stay…

I sighed.

I hadn't been able to cheat since Alice showed me the vision. It was like the image of Bella was hiding now, knowing there was a danger lurking. Knowing it wasn't even safe to be a mirage in my head.

I longed to summon her. I wanted to see her eyes bore into mine, even if it was just in my head. Just for a moment I wanted to indulge myself in cheating again.

But now wasn't the time. I had no choice but to concentrate on what mattered.

I breathed in deep and smelled the small herd of deer more strongly. They were close. I wasn't thirsty, but the vision of red flaming hair burned my throat, allowing a growl to escape my lips.

The family was leaving for Ithaca in a few hours. Alice and Tanya had thrown together a little goodbye soiree, one I was desperately trying to avoid. This made my sudden need to hunt a perfect excuse to stay away from it.

I knew my family was still hoping I would join them, though I was quite certain Alice had informed them by now, that was not going to happen, given her latest vision.

The vision, echoing in my ears, flashing through my mind had left me with a newfound alertness. The moment I'd read Alice's mind, seen the vision that was haunting her, my muscles had tightened and the fog of depression had been lifted. I knew this was just a temporary thing that the hollow in my chest would eventually catch up with me again, but for the moment I felt hypersensitive to my surroundings.

I wasn't healed, I'd never be healed. I'd always be broken. But right now, I had something to focus on, even though the subject of my attention was the same subject that caused me to be curled up into a ball most of the time.

But Bella's safety was the most important thing. The reason I had left. Up until Alice's vision of Victoria I couldn't have imagined I'd ever have to protect her from anything but myself. James was dead and all the monsters had left Forks the day I did. Figuratively.

But I had never taken Victoria into account and now I felt foolish for being so callous. I should have paid more attention to her mindset. But I hadn't. I had dismissed her because she seemed insignificant. Because I'd been so focused on James and his mind trip. His threats. Never had I allowed myself to pay attention to Victoria and take a glimpse into her mind.

I had to right this wrong and this was the first step. Feed. Ne the hunter and strengthen myself. And then, I needed some answers. Information.

The deer were no match for my capable hands, my firm grip. I sank my teeth into the wet pulsing spot in their necks, freeing the liquid sensation I hadn't tasted in a while. It went down with ease, heating me to the core.

It reminded me of her touch.

The black hole reacted, expanding. Clawing at me, opening up fresh wounds, new scars. For a moment I hesitated, taken aback.

What I wouldn't give to touch her. To feel her warmth. Her hand in mine.

Her lips on mine.

I shuddered involuntarily. This was not what I needed right now. I needed to focus. Concentrate. Not indulge myself in the rush of the pain. The longing for her intimacy.

I shoved the dead carcass away and sprang to my feet.

Focus Edward! I chided myself.

I needed to find Victoria and deal with her before she could get close to Bella.

Before she would get close to Bella, which would force me to go back to Forks.

But how to find her? Alice's vision hadn't been specific on a location.

She had however shown me Laurent. And that was my only lead.

Never before had I run this fast, almost eager to get back to the people I'd been avoiding for weeks.

***

Entering the house, on a mission to find Laurent, I bounded in on my family and the Denali clan, coming to a halt when I noticed how they were enjoying each other's company by the fire.

Carlisle and Eleazar were engaged in a deep conversation about the Volturi laws, while Irina, Carmen and Esme were talking about re-designing the house. Tanya sat with them but looked distracted. Kate was nowhere to be found but I figured she'd be entertaining one of her human lovers somewhere, immediately repressing the thought.

Alice and Jasper were simply gazing into each other's eyes, privately, lovingly. I'd seen them do it many times before, but now the intimacy of it kicked me.

Something I'd never feel again.

As I observed them for a fraction of a second, I was taken aback by the peace, the solace they all felt in their own way. I envied it. Longed to have it.

Not wanting to get sidetracked by the feeling of desolation, the pain trying to break through my resolution again, I approached Tanya instantly.

I sensed her surprise and anticipation, assuming I was finally ready to confide in her, to have her to comfort me.

Edward is here. He looks better. Maybe he is ready…to let me…care for him.

She couldn't be more wrong.

And I couldn't allow her to even harbor these thoughts, since I was never going to need any kind of support from her. I just needed information.

The others: Irina, Carmen and Eleazar were surprised by my sudden appearance. My own family also wondered why I had suddenly decided to become sociable. The only one unimpressed was Alice.

I caught her rolling her eyes at me, the dramatic nature of my entrance and my demands to have everyone pay attention to me. She was a seer and not one to read minds, but I could swear that, that little sister of mine was often not far from reading exactly what was in my thoughts.

Jasper eyed me with cautioned wonder, while Carlisle and Esme seemed happy that I had decided to join them inside for their final night here.

"Edward," Tanya started. "I'm so happy you decided to join us."

She swayed over to my side, flashing me a bright smile, while she flipped her hair over her shoulder. Trying to be seductive. She traced the planes of my chest with her index finger a she held my dismissive stare.

I shivered internally. It was not the touch I wanted.

"Where is Laurent?" I demanded, ignoring the frown that replaced the smile on Tanya's face. She dropped her hand instantly.

Good, at least she wasn't trying to dry hump me anymore.

"Laurent?" she asked, puzzled. "Why do you want to know?"

Well, his former coven partner Victoria wants to kill my only love. The one I'll never see again. Especially not if either of them kills her. Of course even if I can protect her from that by killing both of them, I won't see her ever again and...

I sighed. So much for not getting side tracked. The hollow was nagging, eating away my insides. I wanted to get this part over with. I wasn't here to chat; I needed to know where Laurent was, so that I could start to track Victoria.

Tonight.

I needed the distraction to keep from losing my mind.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked softly, as he joined me and Tanya. "What's wrong?"

Before I could explain - not that I wanted to, but I supposed that barging in here, interrupting a nice gathering had probably not been the best way to find out what I needed to know- Alice spoke.

"It's Victoria. Edward wants to find her, "she said disapproval thick in her voice. And there was the underlining eye-rolling again.

I was more than a little surprised by her tone though. Earlier, during her vision she'd been convinced that Victoria needed to be dealt with. Now, it was almost as if she didn't want me to go.

"Victoria?" Esme chimed in; her thoughts instantly full of worry. Suddenly I had everyone's attention. Irina, Carmen and Eleazar had turned their attention to me as well.

The only one who didn't immediately react was Jasper. I knew he was sensing the mood and that he was curious about Victoria, but he wasn't going to jump on me right away, which I actually appreciated.

Not like he'd demand anything from me anyway, not at this point. There was still an awkward kind of truce between us. I knew it was irrational to blame him for what took place at Bella's birthday and what could've almost happened but deep down - selfish as I was - I did partially blame him.

And he was aware of this and blamed himself too. We hadn't really spoken since leaving Forks – apart from the one time he had apologized - I knew it pained Alice that Jasper felt so guilty but it seemed to be the only way for the two of us to function.

Both guilty, both remorseful.

I ignored the thoughts of the ones surrounding me and turned back to Tanya. "Where is he? Where is Laurent?" I asked again, my voice harsh and demanding.

Tanya, unimpressed with my threatening tone narrowed her eyes and placed one hand on my chest again. Great. More touching…

But it wasn't a caress. It was a warning.

"Edward," she practically hissed, - I could hear she tried to control her voice. She was clearly not pleased with my demeanor.

"I'd like to point out that all of us here were enjoying a nice mellow atmosphere. And here you are"- she lifted her arm from my chest and gestured to me - "here you come waltzing in, demanding our attention. We've all put up with your behavior, but this, this is unacceptable," she growled.

Everyone was aware of the tension and eyed Tanya and me speculatively.

She had a point. A very good point. And yet, as her eyes blazed at me and her lips repressed menacing sounds, I didn't feel guilty for my self-serving ways.

"Where is Laurent?' I asked again, wondering briefly how many more times I was supposed to ask this before someone, anyone was going to give me answer. I contemplated going outside again and be on my way to wherever.

Except I had no idea where to go. I couldn't exactly go back to Forks and keep an eye on Bella - tempting as it was, I knew I'd slip up if I did - so it was essential I'd go wherever Laurent had headed. That is, if he had in fact gone to meet Victoria. But judging from what little we got from Alice's vision, he probably had been in contact with Victoria.

I took a breath and forced myself to produce a small - pleading - smile.

"Tanya, please. I need to know"

Now I sounded weak. Pathetic. They all heard it, they all realized it. Tanya's frown disappeared and she took my hand.

"He left a few months ago. Irina was devastated," she whispered.

Irina?

By the time I had turned around to face her, knowing I had pushed the wrong vampire for information, knowing it was Irina I needed to ask about Laurent, she was ready to bolt out the door.

"Wait!" I halted her. "Irina, please. Where did Laurent go?"

"I don't...I can't…, she stammered, before flitting out the door.

I wanted to go after her, especially since her mind seemed to be locked down. I caught glimpses of Laurent doing well at first, keeping to our special vegetarian diet, but then starting to slip more often. There was also something about a few phone conversations. Irina had wondered if Laurent was having an affair with another woman.

A woman named Victoria.

Victoria? So he had been in contact with her.

As I made my way to the door, Tanya stopped me.

"Don't." she warned. "Irina is in pain and I won't allow you to make it worse. She loved Laurent and I am certain he loved her. It was that woman....Victoria - the one you're apparently set on going after - who was in the way," she muttered with venom.

I was not at all interested in the trials and tribulations of their odd relationship.

"Do you know where he went? Did he take off to meet up with Victoria?' I asked, almost eager.

Tanya rolled her eyes.

You're so sensitive to other people's pain. Really. Is there a more selfish creature than you?

No. But my obvious selfishness was the one thing keeping Bella alive right now, where it had been the biggest obstacle before. For once my demanding egotistical nature was doing something useful.

Sort of…

"Did he, or did he not meet up with Victoria?" I spat impatiently.

I could tell from Tanya's thoughts that she was close to slapping me. Or biting my head off first and then slapping me.

I knew she'd be protective of her sister's feelings and under normal circumstances I would've acknowledged that and be more sensitive but right now, with my instincts flaring and only focused on finding Victoria, I had little to no compassion.

Tanya shrugged and muttered something about not giving a damn about what I wanted to know.

But her mind, - thankfully - gave her away before she was out the door to head after Irina.

Laurent had taken off just before we had arrived. According to a phone call Irina had - yet again -picked up on, he was going to meet up with Victoria somewhere down south.

Texas.

"Texas," I mumbled, to no one in particular.

"Edward," Esme chided me, her tone cooler than I'd ever heard it. "That was uncalled for."

The word rude flashed in her head.

Carlisle agreed. "You need to apologize. The Denali's have been very hospitable and you've been..."

"Rude," Esme finished his sentence.

"I need to talk to Irina," I stated and turned to follow after her and Tanya.

But Carlisle firmly grabbed my arm to prevent me. "No, you don't," he warned.

"Yes, I do," I spat, trying to pull away.

"Edward, calm down. You need to give Irina some time. Clearly, she is upset," Carlisle pointed out.

I noticed from the corner of my eye how Carmen, Eleazar had disappeared out of the room.

"I don't have time," I nearly growled.

This was what it felt like. Like I was running out of time. If I didn't get to the bottom of this fast, Victoria would end up going back to Forks. Alice hadn't had a vision of her there yet, but I couldn't imagine it to be long before she did. And then, I wouldn't be on time.

"Why would you want to go after Victoria?" Carlisle asked.

Is she heading to Forks, he wondered

"She will. Which is why I have to find her," I muttered

"Scaring Irina in the process is not going to help," Alice scolded me.

Carlisle released me and turned to Alice. "What did you see in your vision?" he wondered.

"Victoria. Flaming red hair. And Laurent. But he's not important. Victoria is the thread," Alice explained.

"And you can't see where she is?" Esme asked.

Alice shook her head. "It's the hair that stands out. But nothing else in particular. She could be anywhere."

"Then how will you find her?" Esme looked at me.

"I need to find out what Laurent did. Where he went," I said.

I needed to know if he did go to Texas, like Tanya's mind had hinted t.

And to be certain, I needed to talk to Irina.

"I need to talk to her. I just need to know where Laurent went," I explained before I sprinted out the door, not allowing anyone to stop me.

Outside, Tanya was waiting. Her face looked calm, but in her mind a storm was brewing.

"Tanya..." I started.

"Don't," she hissed. "Don't even think about going after Irina. She doesn't deserve to be dragged down in your spiral of self pity. And Laurent has hurt her enough!"

For a moment, with a peek into her mind I saw what she meant. Laurent hadn't even said goodbye to Irina. He had just left her. Like she meant nothing.

Her pain was ripping me apart almost as much as my own, because I could relate to it so well.

"I need to apologize," I explained and with that I followed Irina's scent to a few miles away from the house. I half-expected Tanya to follow me and stop me, but she didn't.

I found Irina, sitting on the exact rock I sat when I came here after my first introduction to Bella. The rock I sat on, staring at the sky when we arrived here a few short months ago.

The rock of solitude, abandonment.

I slowly approached her, not wanting to frighten her.

"Irina," I whispered. "I am sorry. I know there's no excuse for my behavior. I shouldn't have pressed. I didn't mean to upset you," I spoke quietly.

She remained silent, only in her thoughts could I read her pain. I was still surprised she had actually cared for Laurent this much. I had assumed it to be a brief thing, something fleeting. From her mind I gathered it had been something much much deeper than that and it threw me.

"I loved him," she whispered.

I still do. And I can't have you harm him.

Of course, she was worried I was going to end up hurting Laurent.

Well, if I'd find him, I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't. Kill him. If he was a threat to Bella than he needed to be dealt with.

"I need to know where Victoria is," I tried to explain.

Because you want to protect the human, she guessed.

The human. Bella. I didn't want to talk about this. I wasn't ready to talk about this. Especially not with Irina. I just needed information and I needed it now.

"Has Laurent told you where he was going?"

No.

"So he didn't go to Texas?"

She looked at me in shock, but then for a hint of a second a small smile flashed across her face.

You got that from Tanya, Irina figured.

"I picked it up from her thoughts," I admitted.

"Are you reading mine?" she wondered.

I nodded sheepishly. "I can't exactly turn this off."

She shook her head, like she was trying to shake off the pain. I realized that was it. Irina loved Laurent and was in pain because of his absence. The abandonment.

It couldn't be compared to what I felt, no pain could compare to the agony of the nagging hollow, but it was pain nonetheless. And that I could respect. Understand. So instead of putting more pressure on her, I decided to be kind.

"Did you ever tell him?" I asked her.

Her eyes met mine and they were wide with confusion.

"Tell him what?"

"That you loved him. That you didn't want him to leave. That you understood why he was cheating," I said softly.

Because he had been cheating. More than she knew. And when she found out – her thoughts were flowing freely now, now that I had broken through her armor – she didn't berate him. She had been fair. She envied him for his lack of remorse at first but then, as he also showed no remorse for being in contact with Victoria, Irina had realized, he was going to leave eventually.

And he had, sooner than she had expected. Without any form of a goodbye.

She looked up at me, grimacing. "It wouldn't have made a difference, "she spat.

"He was never going to stay."

"Well, then he wasn't worth it," I offered. "If he had loved you, he would have stayed."

The words sounded wrong, coming from me. I didn't know the first thing about relationships and I couldn't even pretend to know or understand whatever had been going on between Irina and Laurent.

She sensed this too. "You left your human. I guess you didn't love her either," Irina remarked coldly.

"I left her because of that," I hissed.

The assumption was all wrong. Irina only said it to hurt me. An eye for an eye. To make sure I had no clue as to how she felt about Laurent.

"I know." She sounded defeated.

"And now you want to find this Victoria, so you can protect the human girl," she spoke quietly.

"Yes," I nodded.

And you expect me to help you. Lead you to Laurent so you can kill him.

"I can't have him near….her," I choked. I couldn't say her name. It hurt too much.

"And I can't have you kill him," Irina shot back.

"Just tell me where he went. My main focus is Victoria. I just want to deal with her," I pleaded.

Irina sighed. She rose slowly and then, by the speed of light, so abrupt, she was gone.

But not without an afterthought echoing through the cool air around me

Ouachita Mountains

North-east Texas.

My senses kicked in immediately. I knew where to go now. And there was no time to waste.

But before I could race back to the house to get the Volvo and be on my way, there was another interruption. An unexpected one.

Jasper.

You're really going to do this, he wondered, pondering on my plan as he came to my side.

"Yes," I mumbled.

Need back-up?

Of course, Jasper was more than willing to help, hoping it would relieve some of his guilt. But I knew Alice never allow him to help me and that she didn't agree with the guilt he felt. And I didn't even want him to go with me.

"No."

It's not wise for you to go alone.

I shook my head, I was on my own on this.

"I let Victoria slip in the first place, now I am going to correct that error," I muttered.

"What about me?' Jasper spoke, aloud now. "When do I get to correct my mistake?"

I blinked once, taken aback by the question and the amount of guilt seeping through the words.

It was like it was hitting me now. I knew I was selfish. And the past few months had been the worst. But hearing Jasper's question, or remark or whatever it was that he meant, I knew I hadn't just wronged Bella.

I had failed my family too. On the surface I'd known all this time I was dragging them down with me, for them to allow me wallow in my pain, dealing with my near catatonic state.

"Jazz," I started but he held his hand up to stop me before I could speak.

"You know I am sorry. I told you before. And I am pretty certain you can read it in my thoughts too."

"Though I wonder if you even pay any attention to the mindsets around you anymore," he said.

"It's easier to tune you out," I admitted in a whisper.

So that there's more room to feel sorry for yourself?

It wasn't what I expected him to say, or rather think about.

"Is that what you sense?" I asked.

"That. And a lot of...nothing. Emptiness. Well, before. Now, I feel a hint of anticipation and anger too," he explained.

"This is good. Anger will help you deal," he added.

Jasper, MD. Psych.

"I just want to find Victoria and make sure she won't pose a threat anymore," I said.

"I don't want her near…Forks."

Jasper nodded. "I know. But I think you shouldn't do that alone. I think you need back up."

"I think that should be me," he spoke with conviction.

"You should go to Ithaca with Alice," I countered.

"Alice will understand the need for me to do this," he assured me.

I shook my head. "You're wrong."

"Victoria is a threat. A threat to many people, if she's as vicious as I picked up on," Jasper continued.

You shouldn't try and find her alone.

"You knew?" I asked in disbelief.

"Knew what kind of threat she was?"

"I am not a psychic or a mind reader. But her aura was pitch black. And not just because she is a vampire. James was mellow compared to her. More reasonable, practical. Victoria is passionate"

"You killed her mate. I bet she's going to want revenge," Jasper stated.

And what better way than to kill my mate. Well...former mate.

My love. That would never change. Even if Bella would find happiness and I knew I needed to be happy when she did, she would always be the only one I loved.

No matter what, I was never going to allow Victoria to execute some sort of revenge plan. If she wanted someone dead, she was going to have to settle for trying to kill me.

"That's why I am going to track her down."

"You shouldn't go alone. Really, I don't know if you could take her" Jasper said with caution.

I snorted, but only halfheartedly. I would have no problem with taking down Victoria. All I had to do was head south, to Texas and make sure I'd kill her and burn the pieces.

Easy.

I knew it wouldn't be the same for Jasper. Texas was his birth ground and part of his background. A painful part.

"Why would you go to Texas anyway?" I wondered.

"Are you punishing yourself extra by going there?" I mused.

"Would you forgive me, if that would be part of my motivation?" he shot back

"There's nothing to forgive," I mumbled.

And yet....you blame me. Which I understand.

"I don't. I blame myself. I should blame myself, "I whispered.

"But it is easier to blame me?" Jasper nodded.

"Don't", I warned. "Don't act all understanding. It's not fair."

Jasper chuckled. "Leave me something some guilt to choke on, Edward."

Then he composed himself and sighed. "You know no one in the family wants you to go alone. And I know the territory and want to help you. Two kill easier than one," he pointed out.

"If Victoria is as strong and determined as you claim her to be, than she could hurt either of us. And I can't risk that to be you. "

"But you would risk your own life?"

What life? I didn't have a life. I didn't even have an existence. My days were filled without a purpose and although I was temporarily occupied with finding Victoria, once she was dealt with, I'd go back to my solitary, torn state.

So really, I wasn't risking anything. And if I had to die instead of Bella. I would. In an instant.

"Yes." Undoubtedly.

"If Victoria kills you, that won't make Bella safe. If Alice's vision is correct, Victoria is after Bella. She just wants you to hunt her as a bonus."

"So be it. I don't want you to come with me" I grumbled, starting to get irritated.

I expected more reasoning from Jasper, but instead he put his arm on my shoulder - I had to fight the urge to shake it off, or grab the arm and lift him over my shoulder and throw him to ground,

"If I can't go with you; how will I ever make it right?"

"You protect the family," I told him.

"And who will look after you? You're part of the family too," he told me quietly.

No one. No one needed to look after me. If anything this was my fight to fight.

"I'll be fine," I muttered.

"Carlisle disagrees. As does Esme. Alice thinks we should all go, but Carlisle starts lecturing at Cornell after the weekend. He can't join us. And I don't want Esme or Alice there." Jasper spoke.

Neither did I. I wanted no one there.

"What about you? I was under the impression you were going to take some classes at Cornell a well." I pointed out.

You did pay some attention…

"It's Philosophy. Some call it a lazy study, not at all demanding. I can always start later." He shrugged.

"Jasper, it'll be fine. I am not going to jump her. I just want to find out where she is. If I need back up, I could always call you or Emmett." I offered.

Jasper narrowed his eyes and for a moment he considered what I said.

"I don't know. I really think it's better when..."

I interrupted him without allowing him to finish. "Look, you need to stay with Alice. If this Victoria is as strong as you sensed her to be, especially mentally, than I can't risk her lashing out and hurting anyone. I need to focus on her and her alone. I can't watch your back. "

"You wouldn't have to," Jasper assured me smugly.

I rolled my eyes and hissed angrily. "I am going alone. End of discussion!"

I turn around and took off running, back to the Denali house. I could hear and sense Jasper behind me.

You will call, he demanded.

***

Finding my family at the house they seemed all ready to leave. Esme and Alice were saying goodbye to the Denali's, while Carlisle was packing a few final things in the trunk of the black Mercedes.

I watched their exchange from a distance at first, before allowing Jasper – who had come up behind me – to drag me along to the car, where Alice, Esme and Carlisle were now waiting.

"You're still going alone," Alice accused me.

"It'll be fine," I muttered.

"Edward," Carlisle started…

We can change our plans. I could call the hospital in Ithaca and Cornell University and tell them I can't accept their offers after all…

"Don't be insane!" I growled. "Of course you're all going to Ithaca. You've sacrificed everything for me by leaving….Forks. I won't allow you to give this up too"

Finally. An unselfish reaction. Well, as unselfish as I could get.

"You will be careful, right?" Esme whispered, as she flitted to my side and stroked my cheek, all lovingly. Motherly.

It was still the wrong touch.

"Yes," I said, not knowing if I was telling the truth or not. I wasn't exactly going to Texas to be careful.

Being careful was the last thing on my mind.

"I will see, if you do something stupid," Alice threatened me before she wrapped her tiny arms around me.

I'll keep an eye on her, even if you don't want me to.

"Only in regards to Victoria, "I warned.

"Nothing else"

"You will check in," Jasper demanded again.

"Sure," I muttered.

"Promise," Esme smiled sadly.

I don't want to lose my son

I nodded.

"I promise."

They turned to the car, only leaving Carlisle at my side. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a fatherly hug.

His thoughts had been reserved so far. He didn't disapprove of my hunt. My tracking expedition. He was just worried about me going alone.

"You know I'll be able to take her," I tried to assure him.

Yes. But what if you don't find her, he wondered.

"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it."

"Maybe someone should keep an eye on Forks," he said.

Just in case…

"NO!!" I warned. "We're going to stay away. I promised…her"

"What happens after you kill Victoria? Assuming you will succeed," Carlisle wondered as he released me from his arms.

I sighed, trying not to think about the hollow waiting for me when I'd deal with my brief distraction from the emptiness. When the temporary business of keeping Bella safe from a distance would no longer protect me from my depression.

"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, too."

I know this is long overdue. I am not going to come up with excuses. Some observant people know about my other activities across the web, some may have waited patiently and all I can tell you know, I am back and committed to update on this story at least once every month, but hopefully a little more often than that.

This is one of those chapters where not alot is really going on in terms of big revelations, but it was necessary to get Edward's show on the road. He's off to Texas now.

Thank you for your support!

Happy New Moon Release weekend :)

PS: First lines: From Switchfoot's "Dare You To Move"