Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the New Moon dialogues, parts of the plot and character names. All other plotlines, characterizations, and details belong to the author: Bronzehyperion. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without the author's authorization. ©2009 Bronzehyperion. All rights reserved worldwide.

CHAPTER 7: BOARDING TIME

"I said goodbye to all my friends
And packed my hopes inside a matchbox
'Cause I know it's time to fly"

1571 miles. Give or take.

The distance between Denali and Vancouver.

For a human it would take about two days to travel those miles by car.

Of course, on a plane you'd be there in no time.

But I needed the solitude and freedom of my car a little while longer before I'd give in to the crowdedness of airports and airplanes. Driving was easy, I could basically do it with my eyes closed and still be able to keep the car steady.

At a speed of 200 miles per hour I was clearly breaking speed limits, especially since I needed no stops for sleep or toilet breaks and I was well fed from my hunt the night before. No one was going to stop me. And no one did. I was abiding traffic laws as I drove.

The roads were less crowded than I had expected around this time of night. It was rush hour given the time of day and yet I found myself in no traffic jams. Thankfully.

I made it near Vancouver after nine hours precise. It could have been eight, had I not been forced to pull over twice.

I had Alice and her visions to 'thank' for that.

A distraction from the little concentration I had managed to hold onto ever since I had left Denali. It'd obstructed the need I felt to break free. To flee from my family.

Because like the coward I was, that was basically what I had done. Fleeing them.

Fleeing everything that reminded me of what it was like to have an existence that almost resembled a life.

I was escaping them and their pity. And maybe a bit of my own, always reflecting in their eyes and minds as well.

But who was I to blame my family for my own choices. My own behavior. They were as much better off this way as I was.

I felt relieve that Jasper hadn't pushed to come along and join me in my quest to find Victoria. That would have been too much. I had kept away from Jasper back in Denali, knowing I couldn't bear his guilt over what had happened at Bella's birthday. We'd left things on better terms, but I wasn't certain if I wouldn't snap at him if he'd be around me all the time. It was better that we weren't going to find out.

Now that I was alone, it was very tempting to deepen my solitude, to indulge my desperation and summon her like I had done before.

Since I had left Denali, I'd been afraid, so afraid I wouldn't be able to keep my mind from faltering. Cheating again.

I obviously longed to. In the last twenty-four hours, as the plan to go and track Victoria – and hopefully find and kill her too – I barely had the chance to conjure up the beautiful angel in my mind.

The absence of the mirage had gained me what little concentration I could muster, ensuring to keep the black hole of depression backed away enough for me to actually function and pursue this new found purpose.

Keep Bella safe.

It was easier to think her name in context to her safety. After all, I'd been her vampire angel, her protector before. Before we'd ever been together. And now, as a thin layer of something fragile covered the hole in my chest, I could maintain the role of the martyred selfish hero a little while longer.

Long enough to find Victoria and make sure she would never come near Bella.

Long enough to make sure I'd deal with Victoria before she could come near Bella and I'd be forced to protect her up close and personal.

Back in Forks.

"What happens after you kill Victoria? Assuming you will succeed"

Carlisle's words echoed in my ears. It was a valid question, of course.

What was I going to do?

I had a purpose now and it would serve me for a short period of time, hopefully. But also, tragically.

I was hopeful because I wanted Victoria ripped and burned and I knew that the moment I get my hands on her, I find small satisfaction in her death. I also knew it was wrong to relish in it, but with what little satisfaction I felt nowadays, well make that none – I couldn't bring myself to care about the delicious cruelty I felt when imagining ripping Victoria to pieces.

But then…there was certain sadness, something tragic. There was also a part of me, hoping this feeling, this purpose would last me a while longer than mere weeks. I needed longer; I needed the feeling of not being utterly useless a little while longer.

Bella's safety versus my sanity.

Well, I had already lost my heart so it was a small price to pay to lose my mind completely as well in order to make Bella safe as soon as possible.

I owed her that much.

My phone buzzed again. Third time Alice…it started to seem like she was stalking me.

The first time she had called, I had picked up reluctantly. I had been hopeful and worried that maybe she'd have new information and so I couldn't ignore her, no matter how much I wanted to.

Hopeful, because I needed more information on where to find Victoria. But also worried because I didn't want to hear Alice tell me I was way off track in finding her.

As it turned out, Alice was only updating me on the whereabouts of my family.

She'd wanted to chat.

I'd hung up after twenty seconds. Which could've been fifteen less had she not pretended to have some new information about Victoria.

She had tricked me, that little sister of mine.

The second time I had tried to ignore the call, knowing she was playing me, but my curiosity – who knew I still had some left in me – got the better of me and I had – again reluctantly – picked up, hissing her name as I pressed the green button.

"Alice ..."

"Edward, I just had a vision…"

Right, like I hadn't heard that one before.

And then some, I'd thought wryly.

"Alice," I had muttered, "if you start chirping about how beautiful the trees are at wherever you guys are driving now, I will block all your calls," I'd threatened.

She had bit her tongue and ignored it. "I see something red, like before. Her hair I think. I did see a flash of a road sign. Definitely a Texas sign. I checked with Jasper," she had explained hastily, seemingly hoping I wouldn't hang up on her again.

And I hadn't because she had sounded sincere. But it was little new. Little new to go on.

"That's all?" I had asked quietly.

"So far. What's the travel plan?" she'd inquired.

"I am nearing Vancouver, will be at YVR in less than two hours. My flight for Dallas leaves at nine pm. I'll rent a car there and be on my way heading north–east just early tomorrow morning." I had told her.

"Look, Alice. I need more than a road sign. All I have is Ouachita Mountains right now and mind you, that's a large area to cover and doesn't just cover Texas either," I'd said.

"I know. I'll try to get more," she had promised before I'd told her goodbye before hanging up.

Okay, so this second conversation had lasted a little longer than twenty seconds.

Now my phone was buzzing. A text this time. Which I was thankful for, because I still had a hard time talking to my family knowing they weren't just inquiring and keeping track of my whereabouts but also my state of mind.

I had no lust to be lectured about it.

When talking to them I felt like I owed them more. So much more than the short answers and conversations I was giving them right now. It was better to keep contact to a minimum, even if I was letting them down. I was a disappointment anyway.

I opened my phone and read the text.

Your flight will be delayed an hour. Sorry.

Damn it.

I was fairly certain I had uttered that word aloud. An hour was long, especially when one was impatient. Impatient and not very good with killing time.

It was 7.00 PM now. Three hours to kill before I'd be on my way again.

I pulled up at the airport's underground parking lot, feeling a little strange for leaving the Volvo there. Alice had assured me the family would find a way to make sure the Volvo would end up in Ithaca.

I think the family assumed it would give me incentive to join the family eventually.

I didn't want to disappoint them, but since I always did, it seemed certain there was no possible way I was going to end up on Ithaca.

Besides, I didn't care about the vehicle that much.

The only thing I cared about now was getting on my way, making sure I'd find Victoria.

And then, kill her.

Everything after that was on hold. Not because I had no idea what would happen to me after I had dealt with her.

I simply had no desire to plan anything after that.

My future was now. As was my purpose. Everything after that was black.

Pitch black.

Empty.

***

The benefits of having a vampire mind were, that at times like these when I needed to be quick on my feet to act on what needed to be done, I didn't need much time to plan.

The downside was that when something went wrong, something beyond my own power or doing, I could do nothing but swallow my impatience and hope for the best.

I'd never been good at swallowing my impatience. Nor at hoping for the best.

Especially now.

Since Alice's text had tipped me off, I was rationally prepared to wait an extra hour for takeoff to Dallas when I arrived inside YVR, Vancouver's International Airport.

Silly me for forgetting to prepare for the noises, the words.

The sentences, the mania.

The minds that were attacking me immediately.

Crap. I am running out of time. Where the hell is Gate 15?

Where's Timmy? He was just playing near the baggage carts. I take my eyes off him for two seconds and he's ran off again....Oh, there he is...I am going to...

Omigod, he is almost here. Brian is almost here. Arrival 4 in fifteen minutes. It's been months. I can't wait to see him.

Few more steps. Just have to get through customs. Then I'll be fine. No one's gonna know what I am carrying in my briefs.

Oh no. With the peace and quiet of the Alaskan area, I'd almost forgotten the sounds and swirls of the human mind, but here it was inescapable.

Unbearable.

If it would have been the least bit appropriate, I would have screamed. If my body would be weak enough to be burdened by headaches, this would have become a full blown migraine.

I tried to ignore the whispers, the noises and all the activity around me as I headed for the check-in counter.

The ground attendant was a woman in her early forties, doing more than checking in the small carry-on bag Alice had forced me to take just before I had left – she had basically left a bag in the trunk of the Volvo.

I suppose she couldn't even permit me to stick to wearing one outfit when I was half across the country from her. I think someone – maybe Jasper or Esme – had managed to rein her in and explain clothing would probably be the last thing on my mind when I was hunting Victoria, so she had actually kept my luggage to a minimum. It was not like I cared about clothing the way I used to care about my appearance.

Susan, as the ground attendant was named, flashed me a – what I assumed was a seductive smile.

I wasn't trying to focus on her mind but I couldn't circumvent it. She was thinking of several ways to flirt with me.

My oh my. He is quite a looker. I wonder if he's available. Looking like that, he probably isn't.

It was almost humorous; it reminded me of how Mrs. Cope usually fanned herself over me. But it ached to have this woman in front of me think about my relationship status and so I tried to tune her out as much as I was eager to tune out the rest of the murmur around me.

I was glad when she handed me my ticket, explaining to me where my seat in first class was and that she was going to alert me when it was time to move to the lounge for first class boarding time because that area was being cleaned and wouldn't be available until an hour before takeoff.

I wasn't certain how she was going to find me, but her mind seemed determined to make sure she kept a certain eye on me - I couldn't phantom how but didn't care enough to ask.

As I made it through customs – the male customs official was less forthcoming with his thoughts and friendly tone, he was actually curt and almost impolite. Apparently suspicious on how I looked the way I did.

Another person and mindset I could care less about.

I took a seat in one of the horribly plastic lounge chairs of the larger departure hall, debating if I should simply move closer to the gate or wander a bit. It wasn't so much that I wanted to walk around – people were already assaulting me with their looks and thoughts – but I still had two hours to kill before takeoff to Dallas.

For a brief moment I contemplated why I didn't just drive from Denali to Texas, but that would take me at least 4 days and this was still faster. Plus, with the unlimited resources we had to travel, there was no need to get uncomfortable.

Or rather, more uncomfortable as I already was, sitting here in the crowded departure hall for at least another hour before the more closed off, hopefully deserted first class lounge would be available.

Until then, I supposed I could wander

I was about to get up and reluctantly head to the duty free shops to pass some time and maybe buy myself a book for the flight, find anything to distract me, when my phone rang.

Alice. Again.

She was seriously and undeniably stalking me. If I had been my old self I would have either teased her or called in help and then tease her about that. Not to mention how annoyed it would have made me feel. Actually, I was annoyed now too, so there wasn't much different about that compared to how I felt about her before we had left Forks.

"What?" I spat too loudly, causing a few stares in my direction.

Fantastic. More people watching me.

I was too loud. I was definitely losing the ability to be stealth.

"Nice to talk to you too..." she retorted without a hint of anger.

"Is this a social call, or did you have another vision?"

I could hear her sigh dramatically on the other side of the line.

"Alice," I pressed.

"You are all alone," she explained. "Waiting for an extra hour. I figured you could use someone to talk to," she murmured.

It was a kind gesture and yet, I wished she hadn't. I was fine here, alone. Without someone to converse with. The voices internal and external were already wearing me down. And I really didn't know what to say to her anyway.

"I am fine. There's no need to keep me busy," I assured her wryly.

"Too much time without a sole purpose. It could get tricky, Edward. You might...you know...allow your mind to wander and well..."

She didn't finish her sentence, but I knew what she was getting at.

Too much time on my hands would irreversibly allow me to fall back into my new habit of cheating. Day dreaming of images that were no longer mine to dream about.

"Alice. I am fine." I stated again, hoping she would take the hint and hang up.

Somewhere, buried deep inside me I hoped that maybe this tracking expedition and the purpose it served would reconnect me with my family to a point where I'd be able to handle their concern and their company better.

Maybe the end result, Victoria's demise would give me a certain peace of mind. Maybe that would make me more tolerable.

Though, it didn't seem likely. I was already avoiding the idea of joining them in Ithaca, and whether or not my family would bring the Volvo there as some sort of reason to force me to go there after I dealt with Victoria, it didn't make a difference.

Just like a chat with Alice right now, wouldn't.

I knew I was being unfair, that all of them tried to help me and cared for me. But seeing that love and concern transpired in their words, gestures and actions made me feel all the more unworthy.

And it was a bitter and confronting thing to face. Because I was unworthy. Unworthy of my family.

Unworthy of Bella.

Not in the least because I was allowing myself to wallow in self pity. Which then turned into self disgust. This aggravated me up until a point where I desperately wanted to turn off my phone and simply never answer it again.

"Edward?" Alice asked. "Are you ignoring me?"

Yes. Take the darn hint Alice.

"Look, Alice, this is going to become a very monotone conversation if you keep asking me if I am alright and I keep telling you I am," I told her.

Even though I am far from. Alright. That was overstating my feelings.

I was alert at best. Occupied.

"Fine," she agreed on the other side of the line. "Will you call when you arrive in Dallas?"

"I'll see..." I hesitated.

"Edward," Alice started.

I sighed. "Fine. I'll call."

"Good. The family wants to know how you are doing. Emmett called and I told him about your plan. He was pretty pissed you didn't wait for him to return. He wanted to take the first flight back from Rome, but Rose told him no way. She probably threatened to let him live in abstinence for a while or something," Alice chuckled.

"I'll be fine on my own," I spoke flatly, wondering how many more times I was going to have to tell her I was fine before she'd hang up.

It sounded more unbelievable every time the sentence rolled of my tongue.

"Well, if you need any of us. Call!" she practically demanded.

"Yes, you call too when you have something new for me," I said quietly.

As the words escaped my lips another wave of selfishness hit me. My family was only allowed to contact me when it would benefit me. Not once had I wondered how they were. How Alice was going to execute her plan of tracking down her family with James' video.

But if I asked, I'd give them hope. Expectations I'd never be able to live up to. So it was better to keep quiet and be repelled with my selfishness.

I was about to hang up, when Alice spoke.

"Maybe it won't be so bad…" she whispered. "Maybe it will comfort you to see her."

What? I was suddenly interested in what she had to say.

See her. See Bella. How? Did Alice mean I should go to Forks? I knew she wanted to go back or if she couldn't, at least keep better tabs on Bella. But I couldn't imagine she wanted me to do the same. Then again....this was Alice.

"See her?" I choked, unsure if I actually wanted to know the answer.

"You know," Alice explained. "Like you did before. Close your eyes and envision her," she clarified.

Oh, she meant the cheating. It was strange how defeated I felt at her suggestion. Not only because I knew what it did to me when I closed my eyes and pictured Bella, but also because for a moment I had been lost in the idea of going back to Forks, even if it was to make sure Bella was still safe.

I was not that far away. Ferry from Vancouver to Seattle, driving the rest of the night…I'd be in Forks before morning. Only to see if she was alright. Only to make sure the things under her floorboards were still there.

Only to…

Stop!

I had to reign myself in before I'd allow my mind to snap and make some horrible mistake.

This was too easy. All I had to do was close my eyes and allow the horrible pain to transfer into a sweet intoxicating sensation. If only for a moment I could allow myself to get lost in her smile. Her voice. How wonderful it would be to pass the time that way.

Only for a few moments. I wouldn't harm Bella with that. Only myself.

But Alice was wrong. It wasn't comforting in the least.

The idea of seeing Bella, through my memories or maybe even in person send a guilty thrill through my entire body. The empty black core inside me crippled by pain and numb because I'd been distracted enough to feed the cutting edges, roared and I could hear the imaginary tearing ringing in my ears.

It was so stupid to even think about this. It wasn't exactly beneficial to my mental stability and definitely fed the lack thereof.

I couldn't allow myself to go there. Not right now. There would be plenty of time after I'd get rid of Victoria.

"I can't do that," I muttered, not even caring if Alice was still listening, and hung up.

I switched my phone off completely, wanting no more distractions. If Alice needed to reach me for something that was actually important, I'd find out when switching the phone back on.

Passing time, sitting in the crowded lounge I eyed the walls, the several clocks with international times, the boarding times changing on the flight board.

It was all so feeble.

These people, all going somewhere, waiting for someone. They were lucky and unlucky at the same time. Their fragility was one thing, the only thing fascinating to me.

I heard their minds, their hopes and expectations all wrapped into a neat little package of words dancing in their heads. It should have been comforting or maybe distracting at a time long lost.

Instead it was painful. Painful to see people go about their way, have a life. Have choices and make decisions.

Rationally, I had those choices too, albeit in a different context. But what good did the power of decision do me when the only decision that mattered was the one causing me so much heartache.

Looking around me – I really had nothing better to do and it kept my senses alert and not straying to the idea Alice had planted into my head – I noticed a young woman, sitting a few seats away. I couldn't see her face because she was deeply concentrated on the book she was reading.

Wuthering Heights.

The title threw me a little. I knew it was one of Bella's favorite books and I suddenly had a flood of images and things to remind me of her. Like the lady with the deep blue sweater a few seats to my left. The color didn't look that great with her bronze suntanned skin. It looked much better with a creamy translucent complexion.

Like Bella's.

Or the woman to rows in front of me, who was listening to music on her IPod, seemingly completely entranced, the way Bella would get when listening to music.

The woman with the book resembled Bella far more. She had chocolate colored hair, though it didn't seem shiny and velvet like Bella's. But I wasn't close enough to feel so I had no idea of knowing its texture.

Or how it smelled. There were so many aromas in the air, the scent of blood flowing being one of them, but it didn't make me thirsty one bit

If I moved a few seats, then I'd be closer to compare to see if the girl with book, whose hair color resembled Bella's, would smell like her. Only the faintest hint of course, if any because no one smelled like Bella.

And then I could maybe see the girl's eyes. I already knew they couldn't be as deep as Bella's and that I would drown in them, but maybe...

Stop!

What was I thinking? I was going to stalk some stranger and sniff her hair? Look into her eyes to find a resemblance of something I had purposely left behind.

It seemed I was definitely losing my mind.

Keeping myself in check – well just barely - I sat there. Hoping time would move faster, knowing it wouldn't. I closed my eyed, but that didn't do me good.

Or maybe it did, because as I shut my lids, her smile was there, Enticing me, inviting me to call out her name so she could whisper back to me.

Edward…

Yes, I wanted to answer. Yes, love I am right here. I'll come home to you. I love you, I...

"Mr. Cullen?" a voice near me hesitated as my eyes snapped open; looking into a pair of eyes I had seen before, though they weren't exactly familiar. I was slightly taken aback by the fact I had not hear her approach.

It was Susan, the ground attendant from earlier, who came to tell me the lounge for first class was available since we were less than an hour away from takeoff and it was all clean.

This was good. I knew the lounge wouldn't be busy. It would probably be less than crowded, the only ones traveling in first class being the people who could afford it.

And I was right as I entered the area. The lounge was empty and I knew that passengers traveling first class were likely to end up arriving just before boarding.

An hour later, we were finally up in the air. I was sitting alone and first class was only half full. I had to fight off both female and one male flight attendant by declining any refreshments and shutting my eyes in pretense to be sleeping.

Which wasn't that far off, because like before, Bella's face was there , dancing before my closed eyes, her voice filling my head, the entire flight.

Less than five hours later, early morning in Texas, I arrived in Dallas. I resented having to kill my faux slumber and bury my mirage, because the paint left behind was choking me. I almost welcomed the distractions of having to follow the right order of going through customs to depart the busy airport.

As soon as I was nearing the exit of Dallas International Airport, I searched for a car rental service, hoping there would be something fast for me to rent.

I was out of luck. The clerk only had an old Nissan left, which didn't go faster than 90 miles per hour, which would mean that it would take me at least half a day to reach the mountain peak of the Ouachita Mountains, if Victoria was still there, of course. And that wasn't much to go on anyway, because the area was broad and I had no hint as to where Victoria would be right now. Or rather, in approximately six hours from now.

"Good luck," Chuck, the clerk told me and I nodded in response, not wanting to be rude or draw attention to myself.

I took the keys, my small bag and made my way to the car.

I got in, dropping my bag on the back seat and started the engine.

The purr was brusque, harsh. Old. But not faltering, so it was probably quite the strong car, being able to handle plenty of mileage.

This was what I needed, which made me forgive the fact it was not fast. As soon as I was on my way, I flipped my phone back on.

It rang almost instantly.

Alice. Who else…

"Now what?" I answered coldly.

"Nice to speak to you, too" she spat back.

"Tell me you know where I am supposed to go," I requested dryly.

"I am fine, thanks for asking. We are making nice progress and Carlisle expects us to be in Ithaca tomorrow," she ignored my question.

"Alice," I warned. "Tell me where I have to go next. Tell me you have something."

"Victoria is not easy to get a hold of, mentally speaking. I keep getting these half flashes. But nothing in a concrete and obvious package," she explained

"So I just head north-east and hope to catch her?" I muttered.

That was going to be unpractical and time consuming.

"Remember the road sign I saw in my previous vision?"

"A road sign isn't much more to go on," I intervened. "Texas is big." I added redundantly.

"Hold your skepticism, Negative Nelly. Jasper and I did some poking at my brain and I could envision the sign pretty clearly."

"And?" I pressed.

"Sulphur Springs. I see flashes of a car and a driver with a Dallas Cowboys cap. I think she did some hitch-hiking near Dallas and caught a ride."

"Heading towards Sulphur Springs. When was this?" I asked.

"Can't be that long. I think she was near Dallas for a while, maybe to feed. More variety in snacks there, I suppose." Alice said wryly.

"But now, she seems to be heading back to the more rural, secluded safety of the mountains," she continued to ponder.

"And Laurent?" I wondered.

It would be a lot easier if I only had Victoria to focus on. It wouldn't be that difficult to fight off Laurent if I had to, but I'd preferred having no more distractions.

"No idea. I really think he was just a trigger in my vision. I don't know if he is with her now. Maybe he is waiting in Sulphur Springs. But no new visions about him." Alice told me.

"Alright, so I go to Sulphur Springs then," I stated and wanted to say goodbye and hang up.

"Don't hang up!" Alice warned. Of course, she could see every move I made.

"It was a little touch and go at the airport, wasn't it," she questioned, her tone slightly accusing.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I said.

Of course I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had almost crossed a very dangerous line.

I wasn't thinking about the brown haired girl now. The focus was back on what was important. My newfound purpose. But at the airport in Vancouver, when time had caught up with me and I had been closing the distance between sense and insanity, I had come close to connecting to a human who reminded me of better times, better places and better company.

The best company.

"I wasn't going to harm the girl," I whispered, shame evident in my voice.

Alice signed. I could almost hear and see her shake her head. "I didn't say that you would. I just meant to point out you had a hard time. Which happens especially when you're alone, Edward. I could almost feel you wavering. You were close." Alice pointed out.

She was right, of course. I couldn't even deny it. I was a mess when I was alone. At least, I was a mess when I didn't have a purpose. Then again, I was also a mess when I did have a purpose, as it turned out. Still, for the sake of my own sanity and to make sure my family wouldn't worry and leave me alone like I wanted them to, I had to make sure I'd make no more mistakes around humans.

Not that there was a bigger mistake then the one I had made a year ago.

Introducing myself to Bella Swan.

How close I had been to leaving the airport, and take the ferry to Seattle. It would have taken me less than 12 hours to be back home.

Home.

I sighed, hating how the pain I tried to keep at bay managed to suck the unnecessary air out of me. To cut through my limbs, my skin, my dead insides.

Leaving the hole empty and aching to be filled with the love of the woman I had left behind.

"Edward," Alice called softly.

I didn't answer.

"Edward. I know you want to do this alone, but Jasper would be more than willing to help."

Unlike a few hours before, before I had allowed myself to cheat again. It was tempting in more ways than one now. Having someone beside me would be helpful when it came down to a fight between Victoria and me. Maybe Laurent too if he was still with her.

Plus, Jasper knew how to control a mood. I was certain he could effectively help me to remain in check. Make sure I wouldn't stalk my memories by following things – and people – who reminded me of everything back in Forks. Allow me to close my eyes to cheat.

Not to mention Jasper knew Texas like the back of his hand. That would certainly come in handy.

But then I remembered how the scars on his face made evident how well he knew Texas. They were the bitter reminders of all the gruesome things he had experienced there.

Like the scars tearing me up inside. We both had our reasons to leave our homes behind.

And that was why Jasper couldn't help me. I wanted to go home and shouldn't. It wouldn't be fair to Bella. To my family who I had so abruptly dragged away, even if I hadn't forced them. I'd made them give up on a home, a life and a daughter and sister.

And so I owed it to them and more importantly, I owed it to Bella to stay away from Forks.

Jasper couldn't go home either. His scars showed the reasons why. It would be traumatizing and I didn't want to put him through that. The guilt he felt about what had happened to Bella at her birthday was already enough for him to deal with.

Something I could not make better, because a part of me, the most selfish part – acknowledged his guilt and believed it was deserved.

Also, I needed Jasper to stay with Alice, like Carlisle stayed with Esme and Emmett with Rosalie. There was no reason for them to be separated.

"Jasper stays with you." I finally spoke, "I'll be fine."

"You keep saying that, but how long will it be until you decide to assault someone because they remind you of Bella," Alice said angrily.

"It won't. I'd never do that," I shot back.

"Fine, maybe not. " Alice softened again. "But what about the desire to go back to Forks," she asked warily, probably wanting to be careful to not give me more ideas.

"That won't happen either," I added brusquely and ended the call.

I'd been close today that was true. Close to chasing old dreams. But I had been able to stop myself and now my mind was entirely focused again.

Because in spite of the fact I couldn't go home, there was no reason I couldn't protect it from afar.

Protecting Bella without breaking my promise. Protecting my sanity by distracting myself.

I passed a sign that said "Welcome to Texas. Drive friendly, The Texas way"

I felt my lips curl up into a small smile. It wasn't a happy one, but one of determination.

Victoria. I was going to find her. And she was going to die. And not in the Texas friendly way.

That Edward. He's kind of losing his mind and it'll only get worse, the closer he gets to finding Victoria, or rather – failing at finding her.

The chapters won't always be as long as they usually are, some things can't be dragged on, and that would start to make them boring.

Edward's going from a catatonic state, to having conjured up Bellussions as I call them, to now actually want to stalk his memories through people who surround him. It's a little creative freedom; because all we really know is that he thought of Bella constantly and that he tried and track Victoria but sucked at it. He fares better (aka acts more sane) when he is busy, so hopefully that will give a balance to 'normal' Edward and emo-Edward who is close to losing his mind.

I continue to have the Cullens in this story as well, though their parts are more limited when Edward's not around. Alice, that little pixie is around the most.

So why is Edward travelling to Vancouver first and not flying to Texas from Alaska? Plot device. Vancouver is not that far from Forks and it's like a leading thread in Twilight, where Edward wants to take Bella away to Vancouver at first and then tries to chase James there. He is chasing memories as much as he is chasing Victoria. Plot device, like I said.

The first lines are from a Led Zeppelin song: "Night Flight"

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As always, thanks for your support. R&R please.

Happy weekend.