A/N: As requested… a view from Beckett's side. Thank you all for the reviews and Alerts, you know who you are. :)
All night she had replayed the reunion in her head and she continued to come up empty. It wasn't at all how she envisioned it in her head. There was no romantic reunion, no embracing hug or weak moment of locking lips, there was no I miss you's or confessed heartbreak of absence. No ma'am.
As she had watched him cross the room towards her, something had snapped. Anger. Bitterness. Resentment. A summer's worth of agony and regret. Gina… her face had haunted her dreams for three months. Castle's face, his had left her aching over the previous months, leaving her with feelings and emotions she had suppressed since they'd met. Emotions that she had tried so hard to keep buried in a box, hidden by a wall. The years it had taken her to stop anyone from getting in.
But Castle had, somehow he'd broken it down, smashed it beyond repair and left her standing alone, abandoned as she had seemingly put the pieces back together. Lanie knew the truth. She knew the sleepless nights, the tears on her pillow, the flow of junk food she had consumed since Castle had been gone. Miraculously, she hadn't gained weight, her gym work out had helped some, she was sure.
Beckett had finally decided to cut her losses.
She dressed for work. All the while, her intestines were placing ping-pong against the lining of her stomach. By the time she got to work, her head was spinning. She threw herself into paperwork, a never-ending stack of case files that she had been grateful for over the summer, it was what had kept her sane.
She knew when he arrived at the precinct, because Ryan and Esposito had kicked up a fuss when he walked in, babbling about missing the contacts he brought to the table, it hadn't been as easy to make connections without his name, and they didn't get through to the mayor.
"How's Beckett been over the summer?" she heard him ask the boys. She held her breath as she listened intently.
There seemed to be a life-long pause.
Ryan was the one to answer. "She's been busy," he answered loyally.
Good, Ryan, I won't kill you today.
"She's had it tough man," Esposito continued. Esposito, one more word from you, and I'll click the safety off my loaded gun. "If you mess with her, you'll answer to us. It's good having you back and all, but we gotta protect the girl, you know."
Thanks Esposito, but I'm perfectly capable for looking out for myself.
"Why would I mess with her?" Castle asked sounding deathly confused.
Because that's what you do.
"All I'm saying is, don't make more trouble for her. She'd been through enough. Lay low for a while and don't be…" don't be what? "Basically, don't be you!" he warned.
Yeah, like castle can pull that one off.
Beckett was ready to cock her gun. Her hands shook. A moment later Castle strode into the room, that same air of cockiness and confidence had, that made her want to slap him.
"What's up, Beckett?" he sounded almost sincere. She could tell it was forced, but she appreciated the effort.
Don't let him know how much he affects you, she warned herself. "Hello, Castle."
"How was your summer?"
"Good," she liked. She wasn't going to tell him about the sleepless nights and months of regret. The secret was hers, the one that would have told the world how many times she picked up the phone and dialed information. How many times she contemplated calling the Hamptons and finding an excuse to talk to him, but she hadn't come up with anything. No cases had presented themselves that she couldn't solve on her own, they were simply black and white and she was far too depressed to make one up.
"Listen, I have to take off… I don't want to bug you, so I'll let you get back to work. I'll call you soon," he promised.
Beckett felt a stab of disappointment, but she still had her pride, the only thing he hadn't managed to destroy and she wasn't about to give it up without a fight. Not yet. She wasn't ready.
"Okay," she answered avoiding his eyes.
He turned then and left her alone.
I had to set up the story slightly. But the next chapter will involve the cute, cuddly and havoc-wrecking gift that Castle gives Beckett… I just need some reviews to post it. Happy clicking :)