A/N So it turns out this fanfic won't be limited to a one-shot (it's just too much fun mocking Octavian. If you have anymore ideas… Greek ideas… to torment Octavian, leave me a review please!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the PJO characters, settings or events. All Eos lip-balm goes to Reyna.

Octavian knew the day was going to go horribly wrong when the daughters of Venus started giggling. Because of that, he ran to Jupiter's temple as fast as he could, barricaded the doors and promptly prepared for 12 hours stuck inside.

He suppose he should have expected for disaster to strike today; after all, it was one of the few free days per year that the Legion had "off" (or at least after a few hours of brutal training and in his case, bossing people around). Frankly, he'd been wishing for a few peaceful hours spent decapitating stuffed animals, plotting the downfall of the Greeks, oh, and did he mention plotting the downfall of the Greeks? But nope, now he was fearing for his life.

Outside, he could still hear the little sirens squealing, their goddess of love heritage allowing their giggles to reach frequencies high enough to be barely audible by the demigod ear. Each shriek caused him pain... during the other days of the year, he usually was spared of their torturous wails (save if they were gossiping about some couple called Percabeth) which left him unprepared mentally and physically for the days they let their ear-bleeding screeches ring around the roman camp. When he had previously confronted Reyna about it, she glared at him (no surprise there) and told him she wasn't going to mess with Venus or any of her spawns. When he asked if that was because of Jason breaking her heart and yada yada, she sent her dogs after him which lead to a lovely afternoon being chased until they managed to "accidentally" push him off a cliff. If that wasn't enough, he suspected she was the one who had bribed the children of Mercury to pull a select few pranks on him involving knife-bearing stuffed animals and a toga filled with holes. Needless to say, now that he'd gotten a taste of her revenge, he wasn't going back.

He spent the first hour hiding in a corner of the temple, straining to hear what they were gossiping about. From what he'd gathered, they were playing a game called "truth or dare" and it had since resulted in a break-up, multiple make-overs, a most-likely fatal attempt to seduce Reyna and an overflowing bath-house. Yes, he was not leaving the temple anytime soon.

"Truth or dare, Livia?" he heard Elatha ask, her sickly-sweet voice filled with hidden plans of humiliation. Octavian strained to listen closer, trying to ignore how his heart sped up a fraction of a second at the thought of the First Cohort girl. After all, she was a First Cohort girl. Not some loser in the Fifth Cohort! And he knew she was totally into him. Although, if he was honest with himself, who wouldn't be into him! He was just so awesome!

Said girl groaned, clearly uncomfortable with the giggles that greeted her decision of dare.

"Wait... oh you better not, Ela, I am not becoming bait for pranking that delusional, pig-headed..."

"Yes you are! Oh, and you need to flatter him, and you need to ki..."

"WHAT!"

Octavian, of course, had heard none of that, too deep in thought pondering his awesomeness, and how it was so unfortunate he couldn't date himself.

~ One hour later... ~

Octavian had kept listening as the game went on, not quite paying the same amount of attention as he kept getting distracted with his gorgeous, gleaming reflection on the polished marble floors. Finally, a knock sounded on the locked door.

Octavian didn't answer purely out of fear... errr, honor, that is! Yes, the honor that held him to protect the temple from... whatever was outside.

"Octavian," a feminine voice called out, "I know you're in there."

"Livia?" he called, unsure of whether it was really those Venus scums using their strangely convincing voices to lure him outside. "Is that you?"

"Yes. Now open the bloody door or I'm going to break it down."

Well someone's anxious to see me, he thought with a smirk. She just can't stay away! I'm too amazing!

Quickly, the legacy took down the barricade and opened the temple door to reveal an annoyed and slightly disgusted Livia.

"Oh hello Octavian, your... greatness," she began, the words coming out of her mouth like vomit as she choked them out.

Aw how sweet, she thinks I'm so fabulous she's getting nervous and stuttering!

"Hello Livia! Is my service required, or shall I return to my extremely important analysis of the messages of the gods and saving the world?"

Wow, she looks ready to run away. She must think my work is so important she feels sorry for interrupting! Wait... did she roll her eyes? Nah. She must be cleansing her retina so she can take in my glory with more precision. Yes, that's it!

"Well... I was... dared by the Venus campers to kiss the most attractive and amazing boy at camp. So... ya."

Livia quickly pecked his cheek before running off, leaving a gloating and rather confused Octavian behind. In fact, he was so deep in thought he didn't notice her hurl in a rose bush.

She's so lucky to have kissed me, he thought, but what's that smell?

Sure enough, a strange mint odor hung in the air from her kiss... the scent of lip-balm.

"Oh Octavian!" Elatha's voice rang out charmingly. "Did Livia kiss you?"

"Yes..." he replied warily; you never knew with these Venus campers. What if they wanted to kiss him too? Yuck, they were not from the First Cohort.

"Was it nice? Did it smell minty fresh?"

Octavian narrowed his eyes.

"Perhaps you'd like to see the lip-balm she used."

Elatha threw him a blue circular-shaped lip-balm, which seemed harmless until...

"HOW COULD YOU? A... AN EOS LIP-BALM? NAMED AFTER A GREEK GODDESS? UHH GET IT OFF!"

Octavian, who had long since flung the eos lip-balm back at the daughters of Venus, made a mad dash to the bathhouse, where he was reminded that it was flooded. No matter, he thought, I must get this traitorous greek cosmetic product off my dashingly roman face! He plunged into the water, resembling a drowning kitten as he violently scrubbed his cheek in an attempt to erase all trace of the clear mint lip-product. Outside the rest of the Legion roared with laughter as they watched him flail around. Oh course, that caught the attention of Reyna.

She walked over to where he was still flopping around, before pinning him in the chest with her boots.

"Have you learnt your lesson? Don't mess with me, Octavian," she said with a smirk, and pulled out an eos lip-balm.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," he screamed as she applied it generously to his face.

Please review. Or Octavian will be cursed with chapped lips (by Venus of course) until he puts on the balm.