Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.

Chapter 33

Tig had been slow to wake this morning, groggy and cranky, like he sometimes was if he drank too much before falling asleep; he hadn't talked much this morning either…or at all, really, just doing a lot of staring at things that he saw every day as though something was different about them. Joss had started out talking to him like usual, but after the second time she said some normal, typical, "ready to go to work" kind of thing that got zero response, just an odd stare, she too had just taken a page from his strange book this morning and was quiet. They'd been a few minutes late to work, but there were subtle hints that Tig was slowly coming out of whatever his weird and sudden funk was, maybe because he was at work now and he had to, but whatever, as long he pushed through it. Joss had been keeping tabs on him, still a bit concerned by whatever had happened to him the night before, she'd never seen him just…have an 'out of body experience' like that…she didn't know what else to call it…but she'd never seen him do it before, that was for certain!

Maybe she'd caused his little spell last night? She'd tried so hard to convince him that she'd been talking about Jax, and she was…some of the time…for Jax certainly had been becoming increasingly frustrating, and had no clue about how much hurt he was going to bring to how many people, but it wasn't Jax who was making her worry the way she was. That was Opie…and when Tig had demanded to know what was wrong with her, she had to tell him, but she couldn't tell him that! So she'd swapped their names…ended up getting to vent about Jax a little, which was good, but it didn't do a damn thing to solve her Opie problem. She'd been so sure that if she said she didn't like Jax, that Tig would be so ecstatic to hear that, he'd only focus on that, and not read between any lines she may have inadvertently been putting out there for him to read between: 'she didn't know what to do here…one of his brothers was creating tension, and she couldn't stop it…something bad was going to happen…but that she loved Tig, always, no matter what happened.' But maybe Tig did know what she'd really been saying, and about whom?

This morning when she woke up, and moved to stretch like she usually did when the six o'clock in the morning alarm went off, her elbow moved back, right into Tig's ribs. It wasn't jarring and didn't even wake him but, what was he doing there? There was maybe an inch or two between him and her, no parts of them touched until she'd stretched; but the way he was laying there mimicked the shape of her form, it was like he was…"air" spooning her or something. But she knew it was best not to call attention to it, and particularly not to wake him and let him notice how close to her he'd ended up during the night. Joss carefully sat up, and then went downstairs to make coffee…if Tig woke up in a "mood," at least she'd have caffeine in her defense arsenal. And he'd waken up in a "mood," that was for sure…but just which one this was, Joss couldn't identify. He didn't seem to be angry at her, when Tig was angry at her it was very apparent and nearly boundless in the way he expressed it. But this? No, he wasn't glaring, yelling, hitting anything, or even had that anvil like heaviness of just out and out being incensed with something that had something, or nothing at all, to do with her. Nope, he'd just been looking at her the same way he'd been looking at everything else since he opened his eyes…like he didn't belong in such surroundings.

Eight twelve…they'd been at work over an hour now, and the days weren't getting any easier or relaxed, but Joss had adjusted so much to the pace…plus, the flatbed had pulled away, with Opie in it, so he was out of sight and out of mind for at least two hours, maybe more, and Clay, like every morning so far, had been who grabbed the flatbed keys from the office, wrote Opie's name beside them on the sign out sheet and then walked them outside to Opie, to avoid any face to face situations with him for Joss, and therefore, Tig. Tig, she could hear him literally banging around in various places in the garage this morning, talking a little now…but it seemed he was conversing more with things rather than people. Well, when he had something on his mind, he could be quiet, that wasn't odd…but this…kinda was.

"Morning Sweetheart," Bobby's face suddenly appeared through the opening office door, he carried a Styrofoam cup with the string of a tea bag hanging out of it that he set down in front of her.

"Thank you!" Joss smiled, every now and then, when she sorted out a scheduling mess for them in the garage, or reassigned repairs when something came in that she by now knew certain guys abhorred or loved, they'd thank her with random little gifts from the vending machine. Wow, she hadn't even done anything yet, and Bobby was bringing her tea? Hmm…this might not be a random act of kindness, though…Tig…but Joss played it cool, smiled up at Bobby. Why invite trouble? "Good morning to you also!"

"So," Bobby took a seat in the chair nearest the water cooler in the office. "What's with your old man today?"

Oh God…this wasn't good if the people who had known Tig the longest were asking these questions…but again, why invite trouble? "Well…" Joss nodded; there was no sense in trying to pretend she hadn't noticed if the rest of everyone else had. "He had a rough night last night."

Bobby nodded. "Everything okay between you two?"

"Yeah," Bobby asking that was a total surprise…that's what Jax stood around and did…hmm…Jax must not have been at work yet…but then, his name was on the garage, so, hey, what's was the rush to get here? Okay, if she started to let herself get all annoyed with Jax today, combined with her now usual Opie issues, it was going to bleed into everything else around her, and Tig would be in a straight jacket by lunch. "I mean, we're not fighting or anything, whatever Tig's going through, it's all his."

Again Bobby nodded. "But you have noticed that he's a little…" he searched for the right word that wouldn't offend her…or maybe that wouldn't scare her. "A little 'off,' even for him? It's like he's on some kind of five or ten second delay with things."

Joss sighed, but this time, it was in a little bit of relief. She wasn't sure why Tig was doing that 'delay' thing, but she had seen it before, when he was incredibly distracted by something that, like she'd said to Bobby moments ago, was all inside him, and all his. She was about to say to Bobby that Tig was likely okay…sort of…when she heard Tig's footsteps ambling passed the office door, passing it, but then quickly stopping as he jerked around, realizing he'd wanted to go in there. The door opened, and stayed open for a few seconds…then Tig came in, looked at Bobby blankly, then looked at Joss the same way, said nothing, just stood there, then let the door close behind him, and shuffled over to the chair on the other side of Gemma's desk across from where Joss sat, sitting down, and without a word, collapsed onto the desk like he'd lost consciousness, but it was soon obvious that he hadn't.

"Hey," he said to her, his tone not so much cheerful, but it was still very much a greeting, as if he didn't even notice that his voice muffled beneath his arms that were folded against each other on the back of his head.

"Hey," Again Joss did her best to sound completely normal in talking to Tig, but she could feel the peculiar look on Bobby's face, and before she realized it, she was glancing back at him the same way, but she made herself focus on Tig again. "Something wrong?" It wasn't every day he melted onto her desk like that.

There were a few seconds of silence, no one saying anything, like she and Bobby were trying desperately to communicate with a spirit or something. Maybe they were? Who knew anymore? Tig didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't do anything, it was like someone had pressed the off button, and then from out of nowhere, "Everything hurts," he said, from underneath the lump of…himself. Joss's brow furrowed and her want to just hold him instantly surged, she'd leaned towards him a little, trying to decide if the soft touch of a comforting hand was a good idea, but then Tig startled her by moving his arms apart just a little, just enough that one ice blue eye looked out at her. "I think I slept wrong."

"Okay," Joss stuck to sounding and acting like everything was normal, maybe Tig would start to follow along…but Oh God, he looked like a giant cartoon clam! It was kind of funny, and kind of not. But she gave Bobby a nod like it was all okay…like she actually knew it was, and then got up from the desk, heading to the filing cabinet where she had haunting memories of the first aid kit being there in the top drawer. But she pushed through them, Tig's current crisis outweighing every other one in the world, even her own. She opened the top drawer, finding the familiar old tool box…from that night…with the paper cut…and the…Stop! Tig was going through enough for more than both of them, including Bobby who was a spectator to it all at the moment. Joss found a bottle of aspirins, opening it and shaking four of them into her hand, knowing the only thing Tig would scoff at more than four aspirins was two aspirins. She closed the aspirin bottle, then the first aid kit, and finally closed that filing cabinet too…and it felt good to be moving away from it. Bobby gave her a raised eyebrows look of apprehension as she neared Tig, but Joss shook her head. She was much more afraid for him than she was of him. "Tig," she said softly, this time taking the chance and laying her hand gently on his shoulder, and there was absolutely no response to it, not good, not bad. "Here," she said. "Take these." That was apparently was a comforting phrase he liked, because there was no delay in the way he stuck his supine hand up to take the pills from her, and then unfolded the rest of himself and sat upright for a change. "I'll get you some water," she said, but just as she turned her back to go to the water cooler, she heard crunching over her shoulder. She turned back to Tig and sighed, shaking her head. "Or, you could just chew them up…"

"Hey," Tig said again, absolutely no indication on his face that there was any acrid, bitter taste in his mouth…and there for sure should have been. "You gotta minute?"

Joss could see the shadow of Bobby's hair sort of tremble on the wall in the morning sunlight, he really wanted to shake his head 'no,' but of course he didn't. Not that it would have deterred Joss anyway. She saw more lost little boy in Tig than she did ticking time bomb. "I'm yours, baby," she said sweetly to Tig. "I've got all the minutes you need."

Without any warning at all, Tig got to his feet. "I'm at the bike." He said to her, sounding almost like he was with it again then disappeared out the door, Joss turning to follow him, but before she could, Bobby put himself between her and the door, his hands both up in front of him like advertising that he was unarmed.

"Joss," he said shaking his head a lot now. "Honey, I gotta tell you, this ain't the smartest idea I've heard all morning."

Joss sighed, part of her wanting to just tear passed Bobby and get out there after Tig, half because she knew he needed her, and half because she was afraid he might just wander off somewhere. "I know," she said to Bobby. "I understand what this looks like, and I'm grateful that you're doing what you're doing, but…" how did she say this and not sound like she was telling Bobby to mind his own business? She wasn't angry or offended by what he was doing after all…it wasn't like he was Jax-ing it and going and saying something like, "No, I'll talk to him, you stay here!" and then rushing in with his cape fluttering behind him in the wind. Joss looked back at Bobby, and she smiled. "Look, I've got a lot of big brothers around here," she said. "And if I need any of you, you know I'll yell or scream or come running, okay? But you have to at least let me talk to him first…just because he's really fucked up right now doesn't make me any less his old lady, and there's not a lot of room for big brothers in that."

"Well," Bobby was beginning to relent now, nodding his head and shifted his weight like he was going to get out of her way now, but at the last second, he stood strong in her path again, "How about just a very concerned uncle?"

Though her concern for Tig was running rampant, Joss laughed. "Okay," she said, appreciating the way Bobby did this so much more than the way Jax just took over situations that had nothing to do with him. "If you stand in here, and lean up against the wall like this, you can sorta see where we are through the window in the door." She explained, indicating the spot on the wall…where she hid three or four times a day, peering out at the flatbed to see if it was gone off the lot yet. "If I need you, I'll do like Carol Burnett, and pull on my earlobe, okay?"

Chapter 33; Part 2

Bleh, he shouldn't have chewed up those aspirins! Things were slowly becoming a little clearer now, not so much of a big passel of shapes and noises that came at him from out of a gray mist anymore…but why did the aspirin taste have to be the clearest and most prominent among them? But at least Joss, in her perfectness, had brought him a cup of cold water from the water cooler when she'd come out to meet him. She really was perfect, she had everything, she was beautiful, sexy, way beyond intelligent, patient, understanding, had a style that gave nod enough to his dark-side and kept him so spellbound every time he looked at that shimmering black hair with the flashes of ruby red, the nearly snow white skin, full red lips and those cool green eyes, dressed in the essence of an Egyptian goddess. Normally…well, maybe not 'normally,' but lately, when he thought about all these things, it made Tig happier than he could stand being. It still did make him happy…but happy in a way that had staked him to the ground and trampled him under the hooves of a thousand horses…at least, that's what he felt like today, both physically and mentally, not able to get control of everything that was racing through his mind, just the same fucking question again and again and again, and no one could answer it except for Joss. He knew he l…ov…ed her now…as unsettling as it was…but…he had every reason to! But what the hell did she see in him? Shit! This was why he didn't want fall in fucking love with anyone, not even a damn hamster!

"Hey," Joss gave him a little, nurturing smile as she handed him the cup of water. "If you're not feeling good, why don't you go home? I can get a ride with Happy or someone."

She was so caring and so sweet, how did he compare to that? "I don't know why you're with me and it's making me fuckin' crazy!" Fuck, he'd meant to sort of lead up to that, but well, it was on the table now for sure.

Joss held still, blinking like she was thinking this over or something, but she didn't look scared or anything bad like that, so that was good at least. "That's what this is?" She asked, indicating his mood and behaviors with a wave of her elegant, white index finger, tipped with a black nail bearing the letter "G" from his name. "That's what's making you 'fucking crazy?'"

Yeah, why the hell wasn't she understanding this? Oh…yeah, because she didn't know what tragedy befell his thoughts last night. But she didn't need to, damn it! "Would you just tell me, please?"

"Tig," she was laughing, not hard or anything like she thought he was stupid or something, but why in hell was she laughing? "Sit," she said, and gently pushed him back against his bike, until he did take a seat on it, waiting with his heart pounding in his ears. Joss sighed and looked at him so adoringly, then reached down and held one of his hands, that didn't have a cup of water in it, in between both of hers. "I could ask you the same question."

Huh? "What the fuck does that mean?" He was getting irritated now, he wanted an answer damn it, not something thought provoking! But hey…she didn't know why he was with her either?

"It means that you have worked so hard and so long steeling yourself against anything that might try to touch you in anyway, that there's no way I should be where I am with you." Joss answered distinctly. "Every morning now, I wake up and when you tell me 'good morning,' I can't believe that you even talk to me! We're not from the same places Tig, we just got fucked over in a lot of the same ways, but that's not something that we could really look at each other and immediately see."

Okay, Joss had a point…but how could he twist it into something that sounded like bad news for him? He didn't really want to, but then, he didn't know any other way to respond to what she'd just said. "So…what?" He started; looking at her like that wasn't good enough. "You're only with me because you gotta busted creep-meter?"

"What's a 'creep-meter?'" Joss asked, like he was starting to speak in tongues or something.

"It's this thing I read about years ago, when I got back from Africa, and was falling apart faster than the army could try and glue me back together." Tig explained, wondering why he'd bothered telling her that part, but then, Joss knew more about his tour of duty in Somalia than anyone who knew him now. "It's when someone grows up with trauma and fear in their everyday life, or if they go through something traumatic enough, they lose the ability to look at other people and be able to tell if they're a 'creep' or not, because in their experience, everyone is."

Joss nodded her head, digesting this new information, but in no time, she looked back at him with a level stare. "Again, same question for you, Tig."

What? No…she didn't think that he thought that she was a…oh, this was too fucking confusing. And there were still no answers. "Well how the fuck is this going to work if neither one of us know why the other one is with us?"

"Tig!" Now Joss looked exactly the way she did last Tuesday when the hectic schedule of the garage was dragging her along for the ride. "Okay," she took a deep breath, looked at him again, right in the eyes…which is how all this shit started last night, but fuck, there he was, paralyzed and not able to look away from her. "Do you know why you're with me?"

What kind of motherfucking stupid question was that? "Yes I know why I'm with you, that's why I'm fucking with you, Joss!" He yelled, not having meant to, but it just sorta slipped out.

"Okay, good!" She yelled back. "I know why I'm fucking with you too, Tig, so that's why this is going to work!"

Wow, she'd actually yelled louder than he had! But what had she said? Oh shit…it felt like it might have been the answer too…but he was just so out of it today…wait…he had caught what she'd said, and it was his answer…and it shut him up immediately too. His Joss…she was so perfect! And she was also talking again…but not yelling…she looked kind of…sorry.

"You know," she said as she calmed herself and looked at him with a heavy stare. "I just realized that this thing you've been under this morning is my fault."

"What?" He'd just blurted that out, eyes wide…shit…fuck…she didn't know what he'd been thinking last night, did she? She was only a genius…mind readers weren't real…right? "Joss…don't…"

"No, let me, I need to say this." She said. "And I realize that in saying this, I'm usurping your power, and you feel free to back hand me if you want to, because it's certainly your right to do so, but the truth is, when it comes to how I feel about you, and if I'm happy, that's under my control, and on me to decide upon and express, not you." She sighed, looked so ashamed of herself. Tig was shocked. He'd never expected this conversation…this whole damn morning, to take this turn. "I haven't been doing that, and it turned you into 'this' this morning…and I've been discounting the stress and pressure you're under when it comes to putting your patch on me, too. I guess I just got so caught up in what I am to you in terms of being property, and what's expected out of me, that I just ignored the fact that I could be telling you that you're doing great, that you're really there for me and you're really helping me fit into this new situation, with new people, and a whole new life." She was beginning to look a little weepy, but Tig was too awestruck by what she was saying to be able to even move…he just sat there and listened, and was amazed with each word that came out of her mouth. Nope…no one had an old lady like her…no one! "Oh, Tig, I'm so sorry!" She was weepy, and begging his forgiveness for a trespass he didn't even realize she'd committed. "You are doing great though…better than great, there's no one in any MC anywhere that's better than you! You give me everything I need, and even some things that I could have maybe gotten along without, but that you did go the through the motions and put out the extra effort anyway, and it makes me want to be with you for that alone right there!" Her eyes were on his, sparkling with tears…so pretty even though she was so sad, and Tig dropped the cup of water, reaching out and putting his hands on her hips, drawing her into him. "I should have said this so much sooner than now," Joss continued as he pressed the side of her tear streaked face to his shoulder…realizing too late that he wasn't fighting doing so. "But I didn't, and in a way, I was doing to you what Jax is doing to Tara, and that really sucks!"

"Joss, I…" Whoa! What was he about to say? Not that thing that had unleashed all this bedlam in his head last night! That wasn't something he wanted all out in the open like that! He didn't even want it all inside in the closed up attacks of his fucked up mentality! "Joss…I" Hey! Stop doing that! What the fuck was going on? Well, how the fuck could he get control with her body all up against him like this? He let go of her, pushing her away gently and looked at her, crying as she was. He took a deep breath. "Joss, 'this'" he kind of waved his hands around her and everything she'd said, even though her words weren't hanging in the air to indicate…but they sure were hanging inside him and making him nearly spit out something he was never going to say. "this, the stuff you say that makes everything make sense just when I don't see how anything is ever going to make sense ever again, is why I'm with you, too." She looked at him and smiled instantly, wiping away her tears, but smart enough, perfect enough, not to utter a 'thank you.' Damn…she'd righted him…brought him back from the brink of something that he thought was never going to let go of him. And she was so beautiful…even with those black streaks of eyeliner marking the alabaster of her skin. Tig threw his leg over his bike. He had such an urge to…be with her…which to him only meant one thing, even though it didn't feel like it usually did when he wanted to "be with her." Still, he wanted what he wanted…whatever that was. "Get on," he told her, finding the keys in his pocket and putting them in the ignition.

"What?" Joss asked, looking confused and surprised, obviously wondering about work, but she did as she was told, climbing on behind him into the place that in an strange way, had never been anyone's but hers. "Where are we going?"

"The old dorm," he said, and then revved the throttle like it was some kind of victory cry. "I'm slippin' it to you early today."