Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the New Moon dialogues, parts of the plot and character names. All other plotlines, dialogues, characterizations, and details belong to the author: Bronzehyperion. No copying or reproduction of Fallen Horizon is permitted without the author's authorization. ©2009-2010 Bronzehyperion. All rights reserved worldwide.

CHAPTER 18: THE TRUTH

Midnight.

Far away I could hear a clock softly chiming. Twelve times.

Bella had been asleep for more than twelve hours. After everything we'd been through I didn't the heart to wake her up, even if she needed to come back to reality eventually. For now she needed the rest.

Since it had been the middle of the day when we had arrived at her house, I'd had to wait a while to be alone with her. Those first few hours, Charlie had checked up on her every thirty minutes. Finally, when dinnertime came around and a sports game of some sort was broadcast on the TV Charlie had remained downstairs, leaving Bella to rest. He'd gone to bed at 10.00 PM, checking up on her one more time for the night. He was snoring loudly now, which meant I could be close to her, even if I was breaking his rules.

I didn't care about that, I simply lay beside Bella my arm around her, holding her tightly. I reveled in her warmth and her scent. The accompanying burn in my throat which was easy to ignore.

She was alive, that was all that mattered. The burn would always be a reminder of that. It was no longer a threat, it was a promise. As long as I burned, she was alive and near me. And if I was lucky, she would still want me once she knew the truth.

I remembered the last time I was in her room, watching her. When I'd been so blinded by the glooming darkness that had weighed me down at the prospect of leaving her. The night of her birthday party, when everything had gone so horribly wrong. The events that had instigated my departure. A departure that had broken us both, it seemed.

I sighed deeply as I held Bella in my arms. I could not be certain if she was aware – she'd been quiet in her slumber, not moving or talking like she usually did; I wondered if she had stopped doing that all together or if it was her exhaustion that left her motionless tonight.

Being here now, after everything we had been through in the past few days – escaping death in more ways than one – felt like a grand reward.

One I didn't deserve. But it was inevitable. I was always going to want Bella, need Bella. My midnight sun was shining brightly in this room that had seemed so dark when I had last visited it. I could not leave again, not even if I wanted to. Not even if she ordered me to.

Still, what if Bella didn't want me anymore? What would I do if she ordered me away? Would I do it? Could I do it?

Yesterday, when we'd arrived at her house and her father had demanded I leave she had begged me to stay, the desperation in her voice evident and secretly pleasing me. But she had also been dead on her feet and probably unable to realize what my staying would mean and how that might clash with her new life.

She might feel different once she woke up and was coherent enough to deal with that knowledge.

I pondered on this, my worries consuming me as I held her and when the clock boomed one time, announcing the 1.00 AM mark, Bella started to stir.

She was waking up.

I had no idea what to tell her, nor did I want to frighten her with my presence in her room, but I could not resist the urge to lean in and softly press my lips to her forehead. My lips tingled from the welcoming contact.

"Oh!" Bella gasped, throwing her fists over her eyes. I wondered if my gesture had scared her.

She opened her eyes again, staring at me in silent wonder.

I felt anxious. "Did I frighten you?" I didn't want to scare her because that would certainly get us off on a bad start. We already had enough aftermath to deal with, without me scaring her to death first.

Scaring her to death, bad choice of words.

Bella didn't answer me and continued to stare at me in wonder, until she finally spoke.

Her words were unexpected.

"Oh, crap" she croaked, her voice thick with sleep.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

I tried her words, which gave me little clarification;"Oh Crap?"

Oh crap, as in; what's he doing here, I want him gone. Or was there another meaning? I definitely struggled with finding another explanation behind the brusque sentiment.

She must want me gone. She must be disappointed and possibly angry that I was here in her room. That I was holding her close instead of keeping an appropriate distance.

I looked at her face, trying to find the answer in her eye but then she frowned, sending me into a frenzy once more. She wanted me gone, it was so obvious.

Now would be a wonderful time to be able to depict her mind.

"I'm dead, right?" She moaned. "I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

Or maybe it wasn't that obvious.

Her words, yet again not the explanation I expected made me frown, since I had no clue what she was talking about. Clearly she wasn't dead. I wondered if she knew she was alive or if she truly believed she had passed on. If the latter was the case, she must believe she was in heaven.

Such a strange notion.

"You're not dead," I assured her.

Of course, Bella was not convinced.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she challenged, raising her eyebrows.

I was getting more lost by the minute. Was she sick? Her skin felt normal, not exceptionally warm or betraying a fever and an accompanying delirium.

I tried again.

"You are awake, Bella."

She shook her head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…"

She believed she was dreaming, or rather, having a nightmare. This sort of made sense. If she didn't have a fever-induced delirium than perhaps a state of dreaming could explain why she was speaking in such an incoherent manner.

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." I smiled grimly.

"But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

Bella grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

She made the division between heaven and hell again. Bella still believed I belonged in heaven because I had a soul. Maybe she was right. Being here with her right now, sure felt like heaven. And the fact she pointed out I was with her did not escape e and gave me a hope I should not cling to.

She could still send you away, I warned myself.

I sighed, as Bella looked away towards the window, which I had left open, not wanting to alert Charlie by closing it. It had gotten squeaky again in my absence.

Then she gazed back at me and slowly her cheeks colored crimson in embarrassment.

"Did all of that really happen, then?"

"That depends." I still smiled, not out of joy but because of the twisted irony of it all; Bella believing she was dead or dreaming my presence when it was my presence that had nearly killed her.

"If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," Bella mused. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

Typical Bella, throwing trivialities at me instead of focusing on the fact she'd nearly gotten killed.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

She stretched as I spoke; trying to lose some of the stiffness she must feel after sleeping so long.

"Charlie?" she asked.

Your father hates me and I can't blame him. I just hope you do not share the sentiment.

I didn't tell her that.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window… But, still, the intent was clear." I told her, unable to keep the frown off my face

"Charlie banned you from the house?" Bella asked in disbelief which was quickly melting into fury.

I was surprised by her anger over this fact. Charlie's reaction made sense. He had every right to ban me. I didn't even allow myself some happiness at her anger even if it indicated that she didn't agree with her father about banning me from her house. This meant she wanted me here.

I stared at her sadly. "Did you expect anything else?"

Bella didn't answer, but her eyes betrayed she was livid and it took her a few moments to let the anger subside.

"What's the story?" Bella asked. There was a hint of curiosity in her voice, but also something else, something buried very deep. Something that made me wish I could read her mind right now, so I could decipher it.

But no such luck, of course.

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for… how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days." I thought about it for a moment. There was no story. I hadn't thought of one. I smiled more naturally this time, realizing for once my pre-calculating vampire mind drew a blank. It felt good to feel this...human.

"Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

Bella groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I offered, trying to comfort her.

"So," Bella began, hesitantly as if she was afraid to ask whatever was on her mind. I also detected certain eagerness in there too. Whatever she wanted to ask me might have a displeasing answer for her, I realized. Or at least she feared it would. But she did want to ask.

"What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

"Nothing terribly exciting," I admitted warily.

I was not prepared for this. Obviously, we had plenty to talk about and we definitely needed to, but I wasn't ready to share it all and then say goodbye.

Again.

The longer we kept it friendly and trivial the more time we had together. If she would immediately demand answers to questions that were heavy and emotional, answers I obviously owed her – than she could send me away that much sooner.

"Of course not," she mumbled.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well…" Bella pursed my lips, considering. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she repeated scornfully.

I waited for her answer.

"Maybe," she said after a second of thought. "If you tell me."

I realized I didn't have a choice. We had to start somewhere and apparently we were going to skip trivialities like the weather or the carrier service on the plane ride home.

"I was… hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" Bella criticized. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

Should I tell her about Victoria? I didn't want to frighten her by sharing gory details – not that there were any; Victoria had managed to trick me effectively - and telling her about the hell I'd been in for months wasn't fair either because I could not place a possible burden of guilt on Bella like that.

"I wasn't hunting for food… I was actually trying my hand at… tracking. I'm not very good at it." I admitted hesitantly, careful about phrasing my words.

"What were you tracking?" Bella asked, intrigued.

Of course, she would find this fascinating.

"Nothing of consequence."

"I don't understand."

Of course she didn't understand how could she ever? How could I ever make her understand what these past months had been like? How could I ever make up for putting her in danger like this by allowing Victoria to get close to her? I had failed Bella when I'd left her and even though I had tried to correct my mistake by tracking Victoria, I'd only endangered Bella more.

I owed her much more than simple words and explanations.

"I—" I took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know,"—the words began to flow so fast, because I wanted to get it out, I needed to get it out because I owed Bella so much—"that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria,"—I wanted to hiss as I spoke he name—"would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now—she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there."

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself—I shuddered and y words got stuck in my throat for a second. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for—"

"Stop," she interrupted my rant.

I stared at her, bewildered, wanting so desperately to explain to her, to make her understand. If she understood than maybe she would not send me away. Maybe she could forgive me.

"Edward," I said. Her voice sounded normal, but I could hear the edge. Whatever she was about to tell me, was something that was going to hurt. Me or her.

Probably both of us.

"This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this… this guilt… rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault; it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and—"

Her voice pitched higher, she was about to break down. She didn't finish whatever she wanted to tell me and took a deep breath to calm herself.

This gave me the opportunity to let her words sink in.

Bella thought I felt guilty. Which I did. Bella thought I had gone to Volterra because I felt guilty about not saving her. Also true. But that's as far as her comprehension of my actions went. She thought I felt obligated to her and responsible for her well being. All her assumptions were correct, but Bella didn't seem to realize that I went to Volterra because I refused to live without her. Not because I felt guilt or responsibility. That would have been a selfless reaction. But I had been selfish as ever. I wasn't going to live without her, but she didn't seem to see it this way, even if it was the only truth. I hadn't gone to Volterra to die a martyr; I had simply gone to die.

I had to make her understand.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered, tying to hold back my anger at the absurdity of Bella's misconception.

"Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

"Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then… what are you saying? I don't understand."

She really didn't.

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I said, my voice soft. "Even if I'd had no hand in your death"—I shuddered as I whispered the last word—"even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

The odds were ridiculous. I was the most insufficient being. An immortal who acted on human whimsical, creating chaos and putting Bella in danger. No matter how hard I tried to protect her, even by leaving her, I managed to hurt her anyway. Even from a distance.

"The odds…" I muttered, distracted. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

I'd always found Romeo to be a fool. So callous in his actions when he had believed Juliet had died. His mistakes had ended up killing them both. My mistakes nearly had the same result.

"But I still don't understand," Bella said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

So what? I didn't understand her as much as she didn't understand me, it seemed.

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I was dead?"

Slowly her words sunk in.

That's what she meant.

She thought I would not care if she died? Had she forgotten everything I had ever told her. Every declaration of love? Or did I no longer deserve for her to remember and did she know dismiss those words as lies or pretend I had never said them, complying to what I had wanted for her when I had left her in the woods. Forget me and move on.

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember everything that you told me." There was that edge again, that tone I could not properly decipher. The emphasis so delicate and deliberate.

Of course she remembered everything. Every word spoken from my lips, all lies. She would remember them. Believe them.

I brushed the tip of my finger against her lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a

misapprehension." I closed my eyes, smiling slightly as I momentarily allowed myself to let the way I felt for her wash over me. For so long I had deluded myself, tricked myself with hallucinations which did not do her justice now. Remembering the emptiness I had felt after every hallucination made me intensely sad. And Bella's belief that I didn't care for her added to that feeling of despair even more.

"I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am…"

"Confused."

Hearing her choke out that word made me understand why she didn't. Why it was so difficult for her to believe me. For a second everything I told her, the way I had made her let me go all those months ago in the woods came back to haunt me. The words echoed in my mind.

Bella, I don't want you to come with me.

You… don't… want me?

No.

You're not good for me, Bella

No wonder she was confused now. She had believed my words as I had intended for her to. And now I was claiming the opposite. I didn't have the right to expect her to believe me.

"I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

Bella went rigid at my confession, which shocked and worried me. The last thing I wanted was to push her into some sort of catatonia. I shook her shoulder in hopes she would respond but she didn't.

"Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced. "That was… excruciating."

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye—"

My act had been so convincing. The darkness that had covered my only light had made me bitter and maybe that had made the lies flow easier, because I resented my nature and the differences between Bella and me so much.

The lies. I had worked so hard for her to believe me. But when she had, it had been my heartbreak as well. My pain reflected in her eyes, even if she believed that I didn't care. My cruelty as a device to let her go. I'd been foolish to believe she'd see through my act and equally hurt that she hadn't, even if I didn't have the right because it had been my own doing.

"You weren't going to let go," I whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she whispered through unmoving lips.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I an. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

I knew it was selfish to feel the same hurt as she did. The sting I had inflicted on her may or may not have been worse than the faith she had easily lost in me that day.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!"

Bella remained silent, which worried me. If she didn't believe me, I'd never get the chance to make amends.

"Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking?"

Her response finally came in the form of miserable tears gushing down her pale cheek.

"I knew it," she sobbed. "I knew I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I laughed once—a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head as the tears continued to fall.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered.

"Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," Bella explained, my voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."

How could I make her see? If my words couldn't, than how was she ever going to be convinced that she was awake and that I loved her more than anything with every fiber of my being for the rest of my existence? That loving her was the only sense I had. That it was I who should be uncertain about her devotion, because I didn't deserve her love the way she would forever have mine.

Words weren't enough anymore. They only did damage by confusing her. If I wanted her to believe me and my ultimate truth, I had to show her.

"I'll prove you're awake," I promised.

I caught Bella's face securely between my hands, ignoring her struggles when she tried to turn her head, thinking she felt embarrassed about me kissing her when her cheeks were stained with salty wetness. Bella would be self-conscious like that.

"Please don't," she whispered.

I stopped my lips just half an inch from hers.

"Why not?" I demanded. How could she not want this? Want me. Us. So far her words hadn't been unfavorable to me staying, so why should I not kiss her?

The sting of rejection rippled through me, leaving me to wonder if I was too late after all. If she had moved on.

"When I wake up"—I opened my mouth to protest, so Bella revised before I say a word—"okay, forget that one—when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

She didn't want me to kiss her because she believed I would leave again. This was plausible enough and thankfully something I could easily refute. Because I was never going to leave her again.

And yet, I had to know how she felt. What if there was someone else. I bit back a growl at the idea of who this someone else could be. I knew she had spent time with Jacob Black. And I knew how he felt about her, having read his mind on the subject during prom.

There was also the issue of the pain I had caused her. I'd demanded she'd move on in the cruelest of ways, so it would be unfair to expect her to forgive and forget.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please—just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you."

"Can you?" I whispered.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

Please tell me you still love me.

She stared at me for a long moment, her face betraying anger. She even seemed insulted.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you—and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Her words were glorious, even if I didn't deserve them. I knew she meant for them to sound harsh, throwing in my face the things I had told her when I'd left her months before. When I'd hoped that my departure would change her feelings for me and make her move on to a safer and happier life. But for me they were an encouragement and permitted me an opening to show Bella I had no plans to leave her again.

"That's all I needed to hear."

And then I kissed her, putting me straight back in heaven.

For months I had seen her warm full lips, moving, beckoning me in my memories, in the hallucinations I had stalked.

Feeling them against mine was the most amazing pleasure I had ever experienced. This kiss wasn't like any of our kisses before. Not like our first kiss; this had been wild on treading territory and not like our last kiss which had been desperate and almost unfulfilling knowing I'd never feel her lips against mine again.

I had always been so controlled with our previous kisses, worried to tempt the monster and awaken the bloodlust.

But the idea of getting overwhelmed by my bloodlust and killing Bella had been extinguished because I'd almost lost her.

I needed to get closer and take more from her. Her lips molded perfectly against mine as I held her close. The fire inside me was burning and melted away all the pain and blazed away the darkness with the brightest of flaming lights.

I pressed down, my cool body against hers, as her heart hammered a beautiful rhythm against my chest. Her fingers explored my face the way mine did hers.

"Bella," I whispered in pure ecstasy, reveling in the words, the meaning. She still wanted to me mine. Her lips told me things her mind couldn't. Her heart beat only for me and her warmth was mine to bask in.

She still loved me.

Finally, when her heart was becoming unsteady I pulled away, only to lay my ear against it to listen to it beating frantically.

"By the way," I said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you."

Silence betrayed Bella's skepticism. She didn't believe me.

I lifted my face to lock her gaze in mine. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Not without you," I added more seriously.

No matter what, I had no choice now. Never did I want to go back to feeling the darkness I had felt these past few months. Never did I want to be without Bella again, no matter how selfish it was to stay. I simply could not leave her.

"I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you—keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered.

Her words started to frustrate me, even if she was entitled to doubt my declaration. I had told her I was going to stay but I had made that promise before; she had made me promise to never leave her back in Phoenix, after James had hurt her. I could not blame her for finding my words hard to believe.

But then, how many more convincing did I have to be? Were my kisses not enough? Did my words truly spark that much skepticism in Bella? She had never doubted me before, not even when I had in fact lied to her about my feelings. Why was it so easy for her to believe I was lying now?

"You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked angrily.

"No—not lying." she shook her head, "You could mean it… now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched at the idea. If I stayed with her, I would deliberately and willingly put her in danger, whereas if I left her again, there was only the possible risk of danger. The two wouldn't easily be reconciled.

The predicament didn't change my mind. I couldn't leave Bella and judging by everything she had been through – all the pain she had experienced – I suspected she couldn't move on without me either. Not to mention the external factors of danger; Victoria and the Volturi. Not only was it impossible for me to leave because I didn't want to be without Bella, I also owed it to her to stay and protect her from those dangers as well.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" Bella guessed. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

She had a point. I wanted to do what was right. But right and wrong had different meanings; all was not black and white anymore. I was operating in a grey area now; I had to try and do what was right; protecting her from my nature and do what my dead heart told me which was to never let her go. It was going to be difficult and I couldn't b certain I wouldn't mess up again, but I knew that I had to try. I was too weak to stay away and too resolved to leave her unprotected.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time—and not much of it—before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

Remembering the emptiness – the no-man's-land my mind had lingered in - made me even more determined to convince Bella I loved her. Her kiss had betrayed her feelings for me so I was certain she didn't actually want me to go, but I had to try and make her believe how much I loved her. I would do whatever it took. Plead, beg, and grovel. As long as she would not send me away believing that's what I wanted.

Bella grimaced. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I insisted, glaring now. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I waited to make sure I had captured her full attention, before I started to explain.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled.

But I knew better. I would never get adjusted to the darkness. The emptiness. If she didn't take me back, those feelings would forever blind and haunt me. Until the day she died. And then I'd go straight back to Volterra to die all over again.

"That's just the problem—they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

Her words sounded slightly bitter.

I laughed without a trace of humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the… the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

Being here with her made me feel hole again. The hollow in my chest which had burned for months and months had been healed by the essence of Bella. It was all I'd ever need to feel complete.

"That's funny," she muttered.

"Funny?" I wondered.

"I meant strange—I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She breathed in deep for emphasis. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I closed my eyes and laid my ear over her heart again, listening to the symphony that was designed for me alone. I'd missed the sound, realizing the dull echo of it had been a weak interpretation in my mind for months.

Bella's cheeks pressed against my hair and the intimacy of the gesture didn't escape me. I knew she was coming around. That I was regaining her faith in me. It would take me days, weeks, months and maybe years for Bella to understand my true feelings for her, but as long as she believed I wanted to stay with her, I'd have the chance to make sure she'd never doubt the intensity of my love again. To make her feel it. I'd spend forever making her feel loved.

Well, as long as she was alive.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked, curious again.

"No." I sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with… Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil—and really she came here." I groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears—"

"You were hunting Victoria?" Bella half-shrieked, her voice shooting through two octaves.

Charlie's distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again.

"Not well," I answered, studying her outraged expression with a confused look. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

I was going to find her. Alice's visions had shown that she was in the area and I would not allow her to come near Bella and do any kind of damage. She would be killed. Bella wouldn't have to worry about this. I would not fail her again.

"That is… out of the question," Bella managed to choke out.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after—"

Bella interrupted me trying to sound calm. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?"

"That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

I hated how she still had doubts about my promise that a hint of skepticism remained. I supposed I earned her distrust, even if it pained me to hear it over and over. Also, she had to understand I would not leave but also not willingly put her in danger; I was in that grey area now where I had to try and reconcile the two. Protect her and stay with her.

I frowned. A snarl began to build in my chest, at the thought of Victoria being out there on the loose. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria"—the snarl became more pronounced—"is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty," Bella said, I could tell she was trying to hide her panic. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

Right, "Jake's pack" Jacob Black was a werewolf. I didn't precisely know the timeline of his descending nor how long Bella had been spending time with him, knowing he was a werewolf thus a possible loose cannon in terms of behavior – they were unpredictable and volatile creatures, not very capable in controlling their physical reactions. I did however know there was no way he was going to solve this mess. In fact, it would be better if he stayed away from Bella all together. He may even be a bigger threat to Bella than Victoria and the Volturi because he appeared to be a friend, which meant she felt comfortable around him and may not see it coming when he would – perhaps accidentally – lash out because he was unable to control himself.

I narrowed my eyes as I nodded, agreeing with her. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

Bella snorted. "I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse that a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I wanted to respond to her dismissal and argue with her that she should not be around him, because he was dangerous to her. And while that was a legitimate worry it was also a hypocritical argument, because factually I was just as dangerous to her as he was.

And if I was honest with myself, it was certainly not my only motivation for wanting to keep Bella away from this Jacob. And that argument would be one she'd see right through, perceptive as she was.

I could not even convince myself I was only worried about him being a werewolf and not the fact he was also a friend of hers – one who harbored romantic feelings towards her.

If he had felt that way so many months ago when they weren't all that close, I could only imagine how he'd feel now, after months of spending so much time with her. Bella was amazing and I was certain Jacob Black had not failed to notice. And he must mean something to her as well because she spoke of him with a fondness that betrayed she cared about him.

I doubted Bella would tolerate my jealousy and right now I was in no mood to argue about it. I'd have to push those feelings away and think rationally. And rationally Jacob Black was a werewolf and had the tendency to be prone to juvenile and unpredictable behavior. This would have to be reason enough for her to stop seeing him.

But that was a conversation for a later time.

Instead I focused on what she had said. She had bigger problems than Jacob Black. Bigger problems than Victoria?

What could that possibly be?

My teeth clicked together, and I spoke through them, trying to compose myself from the resentment I felt against the boy. Jealousy was such an ugly human trade.

I experienced it far too often.

"Really?" I asked. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" she hedged.

"All right," I agreed, suspicious.

What could possibly worry her more than Victoria who was close enough to be a threat, crazy enough to be determined to follow through and cunning enough to surprise us in an attack.

"There are others who are coming to look for me," she reminded me in a subdued whisper.

Right, the Volturi. They would eventually check up on her. But I didn't see them as a bigger threat than Victoria. Alice would see them coming, which would make it easier to anticipate their visit and be prepared for it.

I sighed. "The Volturi are only the second greatest?"

That made me wonder what could possibly worry her more than Victoria and the Volturi.

"You don't seem that upset about it," she noted.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again," I added lightly.

Horror became evident on her face and I chided myself for scaring her. I could see fresh tears forming in her eyes and I hated myself for making her cry. I shouldn't have explained myself like that. I should have told her I'd protect her, that there would be no way they'd ever come close.

"You don't have to be afraid," I said, anxious as I watched the tears dew up again on the rims of her eyes. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here."

I took her face between my hands again, holding it tightly.

"I will never leave you again." I vowed strongly.

"But you said thirty," she whispered. The tears leaked over the edge. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

"That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

Alice's promise to the Volturi; her vision that had manipulated them, it would not come to pass. I would not allow it. Staying with Bella was selfish and I'd been selfish since I'd met her. I could not change this particular decision because I wasn't strong enough to leave again, but I would never take it as far as to do the most selfish thing of all: condemn her to an eternal life.

"Is this really…" Bella started, looking anguished.

It made me wonder what she was truly thinking and what the meaning behind her words was, but as ever the silence spoke volumes. Surely she understood why I wanted her to be human, why I couldn't allow her to become an immortal. Did she not understand how precious her soul was to me, how I'd give anything to protect her from losing it? How could she think I'd want to make her suffer through the process of change, which was excruciating? How could she believe I'd want to sentence her to a life as a vampire when I'd be robbing her of every human experience she could have. I was already making her give up enough by remaining in her life. I had to take some responsibility.

But Bella didn't seem to understand and the question she wanted to ask me lingered in the air between us.

"Yes?" I asked, encouraging her to ask.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your grandmother?"

Her question surprised me. Vanities? Was that what concerned her? That I would not love her if she looked older or – in her eyes less attractive? Silly Bella. It wasn't about the way she looked to me, even though she was beyond breathtaking and I was convinced she would always be. It was her heart and soul I craved, and those things were timeless.

I brushed the tears from her cheek with my lips as I spoke. "That doesn't mean anything to me. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world."

Of course…" I hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew me—if you wanted something more—I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

I meant the words. I wouldn't stand in her way if she wanted something else. If someone else would make her happy, if she wanted other things from life, things I could not offer her, than I would let her go, even if it killed me.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she demanded.

Of course I did. But seeing as maybe there was an afterlife after all, even for me, there would be no way I would live on without her. If she would die, I would too. In every way. And if there was a heaven and I was granted passage, than we'd be together in an afterlife as well.

"I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously…"

"Sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left—"

"Let's just back up for a minute," she said angrily.

The hissing soft kitten was back. Harmless but endearing in the way she thought he could be dangerous. Kind of infuriating. She was so stubborn. Always challenging me. It was glorious to have these arguments with her. To feel this alive with her. To have the possibility.

"You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm thirty"—she hissed the word—"do you really think they'll forget?"

"No," I answered slowly, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But…"

"But?"

I grinned while she stared at me warily.

"I have a few plans."

And I did. I had spent the time on the plane, thinking of ways to keep the Volturi in the dark. Alice's gift always provided us with the luxury of being one step ahead. And I would have to talk to Carlisle to understand their customs better and create even more ways to keep the Volturi away from Bella.

"And these plans," Bella said, her voice getting more acidic with each word. "These plans all center around me staying human."

Her attitude was irritating. She was darn callous about her own life. Did she not understand it was impossible for me to make her immortal? That I was already risking to much by staying? Why was she so keen on becoming immortal, why was the idea of living forever even the slightest bit enticing to her? Had she not criticized Gianna for wanting to be a vampire, knowing what the Volturi did in their chambers? I'd hoped that would have put her off the possibility for good. Apparently this was not the case.

"Naturally."

We glowered at each other for a long minute. I wanted so badly to get one glimpse into her mind. The silence was penetrating and uncomfortable.

Then Bella took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and pushed my arms away so that she could sit up.

The motion made me feel rejected and I worried she was fed up and wanted me to leave her after all. Could it be she only wanted me around to become an immortal because the idea was exciting and romantic? Surely it must be empowering to a human. Or was she simply angry for not winning the argument?

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked.

I wanted her to say no.

"No," she told me. "I'm leaving."

I watched her, uncertain of where she was going as she climbed out of the bed and fumbled around in the dark room, looking for her shoes.

"May I ask where you are going?" I asked.

"I'm going to your house," she said, still feeling around blindly.

I got up, easily spotting her shoes in the darkness and handed them to her. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie," I offered as a deterrent.

Bella sighed. "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I suggested, knowing she wouldn't listen.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," I encouraged teasingly.

She moved to her door but I stepped in, blocking her way.

She frowned, and turned for the window.

I frowned too, not wanting her to become reckless - and Bella was prone to doing exactly that – giving in. I was still not sure what she wanted to do at my house. I was worried she was going to try and convince Alice to change her, because my sister had promised her that. If that was the case, maybe I could prevent it from happening if I was there to talk sense into both of them. Maybe Carlisle could help too. He was a reasonable man; surely he'd be able to explain to Bella how dangerous her request was.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll give you a ride."

She shrugged. "Either way. But you probably should be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on which subject?" I asked through my teeth.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know."

"If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?" I asked, each word distinct, realizing what she was going to do.

This was all about her wanting to become a vampire.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

A/N: We're reaching the end. One chapter and the epilogue.

I want to thank everyone who had enjoyed Edward's POV and left me wonderful reviews. I realize there is no real plot, which makes it difficult to write in an exciting way but Edward's "voice" to me is probably more fascinating than Bella's or – Jacob's (SM's biggest fail, to give Jacob a part of her books, like the middle part of Breaking Dawn)

If you enjoy a story that's a lot rougher around the edges and completely different from Twilight, check my new story "Bring on The Wonder" The prologue is up and the first chapter will be posted soon. Bella is a prostitute and Edward's waiting to be ordained as a priest. It's rated M for a reason.

If you enjoy Vampward and HumanBella ala Twilight but with a lot of mystery and a Bella and Edward who at least recognize their flaws on occasion, maybe you'll like "Eternally Intertwined."

If you want Edward's POV of Eclipse, give me some time. I will do it, but it might take awhile.

Follow me on twitter if you enjoy random tweeting and want to stay in the loop of when I update. Twitter(dot)com(slash)bronzehyperion

Enough self-pimping; enjoy your Sunday!