Ok, so this chapter is after "Haunted". Like I promised in the last chapter, Hotch is going to talk to Emily about getting attacked in this chapter, so it's not going to be very light hearted! I'm also going to deal with the way Hotch was acting in this episode (a.k.a like a loose cannon).

It's October 2009. Emily is 39 (I didn't write a birthday chapter for her this time because her birthday falls at a bad time for Hotch) and Hotch is 43.
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"Talking isn't doing. It is a kind of good deed to say well; and yet words are not deeds." – William Shakespeare.
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Emily sighed as she knocked on Hotch's door the morning he was due to come back to work.

She hated the fact that even though they'd been going out for just over a year, that she had to knock on his door... even with her key, the chain he now had in place kept her locked out unless he wanted her in, much like his stoic exterior was shutting her out of his head.

Not that she'd been around at his place much in the thirty six days he'd been away, work taking up most of her time and the fact that he was becoming more and more distant from her also proving a problem.

She heard the television being switched off so she put on her work mask, knowing that he'd be at the door any second, and also knowing that he wouldn't want to talk now.

"Hey." He said to her casually once he opened the door, immediately turning away before she had a chance to reply.

"Hey." Emily replied cheerily, refusing to let his coldness get to her... well it was getting to her, just now wasn't the time to show it.

"What do we know about this case in Kentucky?" Hotch asked, as he went over to pick up his briefcase.

Emily resisted the urge to roll her eyes when he asked this. Not even a 'how are you'... to the outside world they wouldn't even look like friends, never mind a couple!

"There's no connection between Call and his victims. Louisville PD's covered the city, but there hasn't been... and sign of him since he left the pharmacy." Emily replied, faltering slightly when she seen the Foyet case files on the coffee table.

She hadn't seen them last time she was here... then again last time she was here she'd barley gotten into the house before he made up an excuse for her to leave again.

She wanted to say something to him about them... about how it wasn't healthy... but he must have known what she was going to say, because he continued asking questions, butting in when she was about to open her mouth to try and talk to him.

She was so wound up, that she almost forgot about the alarm he'd installed, thinking that he wanted to say something when he told her not to move.

"Ready?" He asked once he'd punched in the code.

"Are you?" Emily replied, not knowing whether or not him coming back to work this early was a good idea or not.

He of course didn't reply, not that she'd expected him to. Despite their relationship she knew it would take a lot more than a simple question to get him to open up fully to her.

~.~.~.~.~.~

Emily felt a lump form in her throat as she walked away from Hotch's apartment when they got home from the case.

He'd scared her half to death, and he hadn't even seemed to care that he was doing it. She'd heard how he'd shouted at Garcia and the woman in the pharmacy, and she had to stand there and listen to him lecture her and Rossi about how they could have caught Foyet, all the while wishing that he'd just tell her how he was feeling.

What had scared her most however was when he'd walked into Call's father's house without a Kevlar vest on. That sight alone had sucked the breath from her lungs and caused her heart to stop.

She didn't think he'd make it out, and when he did, and when she walked out after him she hadn't been able to speak she was so scared, she hadn't even been able to hug him she was that paralysed with fear.

But she knew that they needed to talk, so with that thought in mind she took a deep breath, turned on her heel and walked straight back to his door, knocking twice with force.

"Is everything ok?" Hotch asked once he opened the door again.

Emily ignored this question... even though she had a list as long as her arm of things that weren't all right... and walked back into the apartment, turning and glaring at Hotch once he closed the door.

"Call has Tommy, Aaron, and you have me." She told him, as tears formed in her eyes. "I'm here for you when you need me, and I always will be, but right now all you're doing is scaring me... I know you're hurting, and I know you're scared, but for Christ sakes, you've shut off, from me, from the team, from everyone, and it's scaring the crap out of us... out of me!" She shouted, hoping her message would get through to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I just can't stop thinking about it." Hotch whispered back, looking down when he spoke.

"Aaron," She whispered, walking towards him and placing a hand on his arm, "I know that you can't stop thinking about it, and that's not what's making me angry, in fact I'd be more than happy to go over the case with you when you need me to." She told him, knowing that going over the case was the only thing he could do to stay sane at the moment, "but it's not that, that's scaring me. It's the fact that you're shutting me off, it's the fact that you're not talking to anyone anymore, it's the fact that you're throwing yourself into reckless situations without thinking about the consequences... If you don't kill yourself, you're going to kill me." She told him truthfully, tears rolling slowly down her cheek.

Once Emily finished speaking Hotch looked her in the eye, seeing the pain he was causing her, and for the first time in over a month, he reached out his arms and pulled her into a comforting hug.

"I really am sorry Emily... I know I've shut you off, and I know I've stuffed up big time, but if I'm honest I think I've been doing it deliberately." He told her, as he held her close. "But it's not because I've wanted to scare you... it's because I'm scared... I'm scared that Foyet will come after you next, and that I'll lose you, and I really don't know how I'd cope if I lost you Emily." He admitted quietly.

It was then Emily's turn to look him in the eye, and when she did she dragged him over to his couch, sitting him down gently and moving over as close as possible to him.

"Aaron, Foyet wouldn't dare come after me, he knows the entire country is after him, he knows that I'm prepared so he knows that he wouldn't have the element of surprise, and he also knows that we've been going out for a year, heck we were going out when we went on the case, if he'd wanted to get me he would already, so I need you to stop worrying." She told him reassuringly.

"I know all that... I really do, but I can't help but be irrational about it." He whispered, looking down at his hands which were entwined with Emily's.

"Talking about it might help." Emily prompted gently.

"I know... but I don't know what to talk about first, there's so much." He admitted.

"Start where you feel comfortable, or if you want start at the start, tell me what happened in your apartment." Emily asked him gently, rubbing her thumb up and down the side of his hand reassuringly.

Hotch closed his eyes and took a breath, almost as if it was a cognitive interview that was taking place, though Emily didn't say this, if it helped him to open up it was fine with her.

"I went to pour myself a scotch, after the case, and he came out from behind me. He shot over my shoulder at the wall to scare me, but I wouldn't show it, I couldn't show him fear, I just couldn't let him have that." Hotch told her quietly. "We fought, and he stabbed me once, but I lied, it didn't go black, I was awake... I stared him down as he stabbed me... I counted it... nine times... by the end I could hardly feel it the pain was that numbing... and the whole time he smiled, an evil, sadistic smile. Then it really did go black." He finished, squeezing Emily's hand ever so slightly when he talked about getting stabbed.

"Thank you for telling me that." Emily told him, pulling his hand up and kissing the palm reassuringly.

"Thank you for caring enough to ask." Hotch replied, as he finally opened his eyes, which were a little misty after talking about his attack.

"I'll always care." Emily replied. "What about Jack, do you want to talk about him, or Haley?" She asked after a moment, knowing that he probably would.

"I just feel so guilty." He admitted. "I mean look what I'm putting them through, just as we were all beginning to move forward with our lives, just as Jack was beginning to accept the fact that he only seen me on weekends, and now it could be years before I see him again. Just as Haley was moving on as well, from what I'd heard, she'd even started dating again, and now I've destroyed their lives again... I mean we've been divorced for almost two years and I still have the ability to wreck her life." Hotch sighed.

"I know... but we'll get them both back ,I promise, and then you can spend the rest of your life making it up to them, just like you told them you would." Emily replied.

"I'm also going to make it up to you." Hotch whispered, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

"There's no need to... when you love someone you'll stick by them through good and bad." Emily informed him with a small smile.

"Yes, and when you love someone you shouldn't make them go through the crap I've been putting you through for the last month." Hotch told her sadly.

"Well thank you then." Emily told him, reaching over to give him a hug.

"It's the least you deserve." Hotch whispered into her hair.
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Ok, I do realise that was a pretty depressing chapter, but the next one will be happier. Also just to clarify they started going out two days before Emily's birthday last year (see chapter fifteen!). Well tell me what you thought as always! =)