Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the New Moon dialogues, parts of the plot and character names. All other plotlines, dialogues, characterizations, and details belong to the author: Bronzehyperion. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without the author's authorization. ©2009-2010 Bronzehyperion. All rights reserved worldwide.
CHAPTER 19: VOTE
"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."
For a second I was stunned. It was typically Bella to want to use her mortality as something to vote on. As if it was that simple. All in favour would decide if she would be damned to an eternal life.
But it wasn't that simple. Even if my family would support the idea, it would be wrong to follow through. Bella shouldn't become an immortal and I'd do whatever it would take to make sure she'd stay human.
After the shock had worn off, I felt myself starting to boil with anger, which I had to push down because I knew I didn't have much of a choice at the moment. I'd either give Bella a ride myself or let her risk getting into further trouble with Charlie.
She was going to my house regardless, because that was Bella. Once she'd set her mind on something, there was no way to get her to change it.
So I didn't have much of a choice. Accompanying Bella to my house was my only chance to try and have some control over the situation.
Therefore I decided not to argue with Bella and took her in my arms instead, springing from her window with ease, landing without the slightest jolt.
"All right then," I said, my voice seething with disapproval. "Up you go."
I helped her onto my back, locking her legs securely around my waist before I took off running.
The night was quiet and the air damp. Bella's chin rested on my shoulder with her cheek pressed against my neck. Her warm breath made my neck tingle. It felt heavenly. The contact left little electrifying sparks, causing a small stir inside me, filling me with longing.
It clouded my anger and disapproval of her demand. I wanted her, always. There was no question. But to risk her soul – her beautiful soul, that was inexcusable. I wished for Bella to realize this, but she was so stubborn.
It was difficult for me to grasp why she was so keen on becoming an immortal. I had always struggled with her motivation. Was it because she loved me and wanted to be with me forever, like I wanted her? Or did she long for the kick of becoming an immortal?
Her eagerness was slightly disturbing. I didn't want to doubt her reasons. I knew she loved me. And because she loved me, I should be amazed she wanted to be with me forever and sacrificed so many things for it. But I imagined the attraction an immortal life could have to humans. Maybe Bella was attracted to the thrilled of it as much as she was attracted to me.
As I ran, Bella turned her face toward me, pressing her lips to the cool skin of my neck.
It felt good to have her this close. It melted away the rest of my anger, leaving behind a feeling of helplessness. What if my family would vote in favor of her request? Would that automatically mean I had no more say in the decision? And was it my place to have a say in the first place? I wanted to protect Bella but if she would remain stubborn and my family would support her choice, what could I do?
I tried to shake the feeling and focused on how Bella was wrapped around me, her lips lingering on my neck.
"Thank you," I said, as the trees raced past us. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"
Bella laughed. The sound was natural and effortless. It sounded right. It made me feel warm inside because she sounded genuinely happy. And that's all I wanted for her to be.
Happy.
How could she be happy if she wanted to be damned to an eternal life without fully realizing what the consequences of it were?
"Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."
Her words hurt even if she was smiling. It proved she still believed this was a dream. And if she doubted her lucidness, she also doubted my presence. Doubting my presence meant she doubted me. She still didn't trust me.
"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I murmured, mostly to myself. "If it's my final act."
"I trust you," she assured me. "It's me I don't trust."
Her words puzzled me. What did that mean?
"Explain that, please."
I'd slowed to a walk because we weren't far from the house.
"Well—" Bella hesitated "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could holdyou."
Nothing about her that could hold me? How could Bella believe that? Did she still believe my words of goodbye? Did she think she wasn't good enough? It puzzled me. She was everything I wanted.
I stopped instantly and reached around to pull Bella from my back. After I'd set her on her feet, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, hugging her close to me.
"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that."
Declaring my love to her was all I could do. Maybe it would be enough for her to change her mind.
Though probably not.
"You never did tell me…" I murmured.
"What?"
"What your greatest problem is."
"I'll give you one guess." she sighed, reaching up to touch the tip of my nose with her index finger.
Of course. I was her biggest problem. In a way I was glad she realized this now. And it made sense she had trouble trusting me. It hurt, but it wasn't like I didn't deserve it.
I nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," I agreed grimly. "I guess I've earned that."
Bella rolled her eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."
I waited for her to explain that statement.
"You can leave me," she explained. "The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."
Her words were painful, twisting my face into a mask of hurt. It brought back memories of the months we'd been separated.
"Don't," Bella whispered, touching my face. "Don't be sad."
I tried to smile for her, but it didn't feel very genuine. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can'tleave you," I whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."
"Okay," Bella agreed.
I still felt tormented, knowing that Bella still feared I would leave her and that my attempts to convince her I wouldn't were feeble.
"So—since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" Bella asked, seemingly trying to lighten the mood.
I knew she was trying to distract me and I had to admit it worked – albeit little. I had to laugh at her request.
"Your things were never gone," I told her. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."
Bella's eyes went wide with surprise, a smile ghosting her lips.
"Really?"
I nodded, feeling more cheerful at her genuine enthusiasm.
"I think," she said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time."
"What did you know?"
"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."
Voices? She'd heard voices? It paralleled the visions of her that had plagued me for months.
I remembered the after pain after every vision I hadn't been able to hold onto. I wondered if she had felt the same.
"Voices?" I asked flatly.
"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."
I was curious but I didn't want to pry. It seemed like a delicate subject, because Bella's cheeks were flushed with slight embarrassment. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
"I've got time." I said evenly.
"It's pretty pathetic."
I doubted that. I had secluded myself from my family as I'd stalked the visions of her, forcing my mind to snap so I could keep her.
"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"
Yes, I remembered very well. Bella had risked her life by acting up and doing extreme things. I had no idea if this was her usual flaw in lacking self preservation or if she had adapted to a new lifestyle Alice's visions hadn't made me aware of.
Or maybe she had been as desperate as I, longing for some kind of distraction from the agony.
"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I stated wryly
"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—"
With the motorcycle? Was she about to tell me she had joined a gang – okay that seemed unlikely, though with Bella you never knew.
But riding a motor cycle? Bella, who was prone to danger, had willingly looked for it? Maybe her mind had snapped as much as mine. After all, I too had searched for a thrill; the thrill of killing Victoria.
"Motorcycle?" I asked.
"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."
"No."
"Well, about that… See, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly," she confessed.
"I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt."
"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."
Had she been insane? Risking her life to be close to me. The exact thing I had told her not to do. The thing I had wanted to prevent by leaving. There was only a small part of me that felt loved by the way she had tried to hold onto me. For the most part my mind tried process what Bella told me without jumping to conclusions. But it was difficult; Bella could have gotten herself killed. In fact she almost had…
."You… were… risking your life… to hear—"
"Shh," she interrupted me. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."
She was having an epiphany now? I was hoping it had something to do with how risking her life had been a really bad idea. Better late than never.
"Oh!"
"Bella?"
"Oh. Okay. I see."
"Your epiphany?" I asked my voice uneven and strained.
"You love me," she marveled.
Okay, not the epiphany I expected her to have.
And while it still bothered me immensely that she would go to such great risks to conjure me up in her mind or feel close to me, I was happy she finally seemed to realize I loved her.
"Truly, I do," I vowed.
I took her face tightly between my cool hands and kissed her. This kiss was different than the kiss in her bedroom. The hurt was gone, replaced by the desire to be close to her. Her warm lips melted against mine; erasing all the pain we had both suffered through.
I pulled away when I heard her heartbeat falter and her breathing became unsteady. I leaned my forehead against hers, breathing a little more heavy myself.
"You were better at it than I was, you know," I confessed to her.
"Better at what?"
"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, and followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family—I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I grinned, sheepish. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."
"I only heard one voice," she corrected me.
I laughed and then pulled her tight against my right side and started to lead Bella forward.
"I'm just humoring you with this." I motioned with my hand toward the darkness in front of us as we walked.
"It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say," I told her
"This affects them now, too," she countered.
I shrugged indifferently.
I led her through the open front door into the house and flipped the lights on as we went.
I called out the names of my family with little volume.
"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" They would hear.
Carlisle came up from behind us, his thoughts pleased at the sight of Bella.
"Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"
Bella nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."
Bella gave me a glance as she spoke. I tried to keep myself composed. I knew what she wanted and obviously I didn't agree but I was hoping my family would support me in the matter.
Carlisle followed Bella's gaze, his thoughts alerting me.
She's here to negotiate a deal? I am guessing this has something to do with the vision Alice showed Aro and their demand for Bella to become an immortal? Alice promised to change her.
I wasn't surprised Carlisle knew why Bella was here and that he'd heard about Alice's promise. Clearly Alice had told him.
"Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"
Carlisle led the way through the living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went.
We didn't use the dining room often and I realized Bella had only seen it in passing, but that we'd never spend actual time in there.
Carlisle held out a chair for Bella at the head of the table.
As Bella sat down, the rest of the family filed in. Carlisle sat down on her right, while I took place on her left
Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at Bella, already in on the plot. Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Rosalie smiled at Bella tentatively.
Rosalie seemed to have warmed to Bella now that she had risked her life to save me. But the connection was fragile.
Carlisle nodded toward Bella. "The floor is yours."
I could sense Bella was nervous under the watchful and curious eyes of my family, so I took her hand under the table, rubbing small circles on the back with my thumb.
She peeked at me from the corner from her eye, but I was focused on my family.
Their thoughts were mostly curious but they each had their own opinion on Bella's upcoming request. Alice was mentally bouncing.
Bella is going to be my sister!
Jasper was worried about me. You don't want this, do you?
I didn't respond because I knew he could sense how I felt. Anxious, bordering on angry. Of course I didn't want this.
Though perhaps that was a lie. Idid want this. I wanted to be with Bella forever. But to take her life so I could keep her; that was wrong. I refused to risk her soul. I was already selfish in so many aspects of my existence; this was the one thing I needed to be selfless in.
Emmett was amused and Rosalie surprisingly neutral.
Esme was thrilled to be home again and beamed at the sight of seeing Bella and I reunited. She shared Alice's joy and felt happy at the idea of gaining a daughter.
The only one who seemed lost in his thoughts was Carlisle. Only he knew the true implications of what Bella was about to ask.
"Well," Bella paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"
"Everything," Alice assured her. She seemed a bit smug.
Bella threw her a meaningful look. "And on the way?"
"That, too," she nodded.
"Good," she sighed with relief. "Then we're all on the same page."
Everyone waited for Bella to speak.
"So, I have a problem," she began. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing—something to avoid.
"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that."
She looked at each and every one of us, facing me last. I could not give her a smile for I didn't agree with what she wanted.
"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."
Esme wanted to respond to that, but Bella held up a finger to stop her.
"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then… I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have themcoming here."
I could not hold back the rumble in my chest as she suggested going back to Volterra alone. Bella was so darn callous when it came to protecting herself. Going to face the Volturi alone was beyond ridiculous.
"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."
Bella gave us a timid half smile and beckoned Carlisle to begin.
But before he could I stopped him. I had to provide my family with an alternative. It was wrong for them to follow Bella's lead and assume that the Volturi would be enough of a threat for it to become an issue of emergency.
"Just a minute," I interrupted.
Bella not having anticipated my interruption, glared at me. I raised my eyebrows at her, squeezing her hand in the process. If she was so determined to have her say, she should expect me to do the same.
"I have something to add before we vote."
Bella sighed.
"About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."
I gave them an animated look. This was going to much easier than Bella and Alice believed. They saw dangers because they weren't fully informed. But my gift had given me a bit more insight to the ways the Volturi and their guard operated. And as it turned out, their defenses were surprisingly easy to circumvent.
I placed my free hand on the table and leaned forward.
"You see," I explained, looking around the table while I spoke, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to cine them in." I grinned.
"Which was?" Alice prodded. She gave me a skeptic glance and Bella mirrored the same look.
"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I glanced down at Bella.
Bella shuddered in response, which I took as a yes.
"He finds people—that's his talent, why they keep him."
"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker—a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor? I don't know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances."
"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged.
"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella said flatly.
I was smug and justifiably so. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."
"And how does that solve anything?"
"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," I said, enjoying the moment. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"
Emmett and I exchanged a glance and a smirk.
Nice one, bro he silently complimented me.
Bella – clearly - seemed displeased. . "But they can find you," she reminded me
"And I can take care of myself."
Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward me extending a fist.
"Excellent plan, my brother," he said with enthusiasm.
I stretched out his arm to smack Emmett's fist with my own. I felt triumphant at the idea of having provided them with an alternative. Surely mine would make most sense. It was much less radical.
"No," Rosalie hissed.
"Absolutely not," Bella agreed.
"Nice." Jasper's voice was appreciative.
"Idiots," Alice muttered.
Esme just glared at me.
You can't travel around the world with Bella every time the Volturi look for her. They won't give up. And you know what Alice's vision will bring. Why would you fight it, when you love Bella so much? You should be happy she is willing to do this.
I was riding on too much of a high to let her words affect me.
Bella straightened up in her chair, reminding me this was her meeting.
"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," she said coolly.
"Let's vote."
Bella looked at me, giving me the chance to vote first. Not because she valued my opinion the most – I was certain she didn't want my opinion on this matter at all.
"Do you want me to join your family?"
The question was simple and I wanted nothing more but to say yes. But this wasn't the right way. She shouldn't have to trade in her life to stay with me forever. Fearing the Volturi – which was unnecessary - shouldn't affect the decision.
"Not that way. You're staying human." I said wryly.
Bella nodded once, keeping her face businesslike, and then moved on.
"Alice?"
"Yes."
"Jasper?"
"Yes," he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised—as was Bella, it seemed.
I hadn't expected Jasper to want Bella to become a vampire. But I understood his reason for voting in favor.
It would be nice to feel a bit more normal around. To not have the desire to kill her.
"Rosalie?" Bella asked.
I knew Rosalie would vote against. I was, however impressed with her reason behind it though. It had nothing to do with vanities or jealousy. Rosalie didn't want Bella to give up her human life because Rosalie had never had the chance to make the decision herself.
"No."
"Let me explain," she pleaded, before Bella could move on. . "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."
Bella nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett.
"Hell, yes!" He grinned. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."
Idiot. Of course he would find a fight more important than Bella's life. I hadn't expected him to vote no, but it still irritated me that he was so eager for a fight. I was certain Bella was flattered Emmett wanted her as a sister.
Bella had already moved on, waiting for Esme's answer. This one was easy to guess.
"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."
"Thank you, Esme," Bella murmured as she turned toward Carlisle.
Ignoring Esme's inner bliss at the prospect of gaining Bella as a daughter, I turned to Carlisle. Maybe I had been naïve in thinking that he would vote no. I knew his thoughts would count very heavy. He was the patriarch of the family. If he said no, than Bella would back down.
I had one second of hope, until his thoughts gave away that he too was not on my side.
I am sorry, son. You want to be with her, which I respect and encourage. But this can't be reconciled when she is human. It's too dangerous.
"Edward," he said.
"No," I growled, letting a hiss escape.
How could he fail me like this? He who knew what kind of sacrifice this was. How could he want to inflict this kind of agony on Bella and convict her to immortality?
"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."
I needed to get out of there, before my anger would get the best of me.
I dropped Bella's hand, pushed away from the table, repressing snarls as I stalked out of the room.
"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed.
"Thanks," I could hear Bella mumble.
Pacing in the living room, I tried to calm down, - which seemed impossible, - leaving Bella and my family behind to celebrate what was a ridiculous victory.
I could still hear them in the dining room.
"That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too."
"Dearest Bella," Esme murmured.
Their sincere happiness made my anger spin out of control. Desperate for an outlet, I ripped into halves a sixty inch plasma TV that we had shipped from Korea – Carlisle had it delivered to their house in Ithaca and they had taken it here. Emmett had insisted on it because it had yet to become available in the United States.
Emmett would be pissed now. Served him right for voting against me.
"Well, Alice," I heard Bella say…
"Where do you want to do this?"
Springing into action, I bounded back into the dining room, furious at the idea of Bella being changed right away.
"No! No! NO!" I roared, charging back into the room.
I bended over Bella, my voice raging.
"Are you insane?" I shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"
Bella cringed away, hands over her ears. I felt a twinge of guilt as I say her fright but I had to get through to her somehow.
Easy, Edward, Esme commanded. You are scaring her.
"Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm readyfor that. I'll need to prepare…"
I could kill her. I don't know if I have enough control.
"You promised," Bella reminded her, glaring.
"I know, but… Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to notkill you."
"You can do it," she encouraged. "I trust you."
I snarled in fury.
Alice shook her head quickly, looking panicked.
"Carlisle?" Bella turned to look at him.
Before Carlisle could respond – I already knew his answer – I grabbed Bella's face, forcing her to look at me. She had to know how wrong this was, even if I had to make her understand with force. I would never hurt her, but I was lost for how to break through her stubborn nature. It was like she didn't grasp the severity of what she was asking. And to put that kind of responsibility on Alice, who could kill her, meant she didn't have an inkling of an idea of what she was getting herself into.
Carlisle ignored me. "I'm able to do it," he answered Bella's question.
"You would be in no danger of me losing control."
"Sounds good." Bella's words sounded like a mumble because I was still holding her face.
Desperately racking my brain, I tried to find a way to postpone this, if I couldn't erase the possibility all together.
Then it hit me.
Charlie.
How would he feel if the daughter he assumed had disappeared just a day ago would disappear forever? He would undoubtedly start looking for her straight away. The only reason he hadn't done so in the past few days was because he'd been preoccupied with harry Clearwater's funeral. By the time he'd heard from Jacob Black, we had practically been on our way back.
I knew that Bella – stubborn and determined as she was, would not be able to argue that. It would buy me some time.
"Hold on," I said between my teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."
"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella said.
She didn't understand the full impact of the decision for both her and her family which meant she hadn't thought this through at all.
"I can think of a few."
"Of course you can," she said sourly. "Now let go of me," she demanded icily.
I freed her face and folded my hands across my chest in defense.
"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."
Involving the police would risk exposure. I was certain Carlisle wouldn't allow that.
"All three of them," Bella mocked but her frown gave away her comprehension at the instant ramifications of her disappearance.
"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I said, looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."
"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.
I was almost happy he understood and agreed with my point of view.
Bella seemed lost in thought for a moment, until she pursed her lips in defeat.
"I'll consider it."
I instantly relaxed. I had bought some time. Maybe I needed to show Bella the consequences of becoming an immortal – she seemed more fascinated with the way my family lived, than frightened. Perhaps I should take her with me when I hunted. That might scare her enough to rethink her desire for eternal life.
"I should probably take you home," I said, feeling more calm knowing she was human for now.
"Just in case Charlie wakes up early."
Bella looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"
"You have my word."
She took a deep breath and smiled. She turned back to me and said: "Okay. You can take me home."
I rushed her out of the house before Carlisle could change his mind.
It was a quiet trip home. Bella and I didn't speak. We were both lost in thought.
When we got to her house, I didn't pause. I dashed up the wall and through Bella's window. Then I pulled her arms from around my neck and set her on the bed.
I paced back and forth thinking of something to secure a way for Bella to remain human. Or, if there truly was no way to change the future, to buy me more time.
I needed a trade, something to negotiate my position. Something that would make Bella more willing to buy me more time.
"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," Bella told me.
"Shh. I'm thinking."
"Ugh," she groaned, throwing herself back on the bed, pulling the quilt over her head.
Seeing her covered up like that and huddled away was unacceptable. Plus, I wanted to show my affection after being so forceful at the house.
I lay down beside her, flipping the cover back. I brushed some stray hairs from her cheek.
"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now… tell me something."
"What?" Bella asked, unwilling.
"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"
"You." Bella said skeptically.
I shook my head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."
I had a pretty good idea of what Bella wanted. I sensed that it bothered her that I didn't want her to become a vampire. She wanted me to want her to become a vampire.
"I would want… Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want youto change me."
I figured as much. She wanted my approval. And the one way she would be certain, was if I changed her myself.
"What would you be willing to trade for that?"
"Anything."
I smiled faintly, and then pursed my lips. "Five years?"
Bella looked chagrined. Clearly she wasn't going to give me more time.
"You said anything," I reminded her, knowing she would protest anyway.
"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human—for me, at least. So, anything but that."
I frowned. "Three years?"
"No!"
"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"
"Six months?" She offered.
I rolled my eyes. "Not good enough."
"One year, then," she said. "That's my limit."
"At least give me two."
"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere neartwenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."
It wasn't that she was unreasonable. Yes, wanting to become immortal and trade in her soul was something I could not comprehend but I knew the age difference bothered her. Self-conscious as she was, it would make her feel uncomfortable. I supposed that from Bella's clouded human point of view her desire to become a vampire made sense.
I thought for a minute. The age difference would be an issue, so time was out the window. If a year was all she'd give me than I might as well let Carlisle change her after graduation. It didn't matter much if it as a year or a small month.
There had to be something, something that would put her off, even if it was only a few years.
If she wanted me to change her than I needed her to make a commitment to me.
And what better and more effective than the one thing that would bind us as eternally as immortality would.
Marriage.
If Bella wanted to be with me forever, I wanted the ultimate declaration of love and unity from her.
"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll just have to meet one condition."
"Condition?" her voice went flat. "What condition?"
My eyes were cautious—I spoke slowly. "Marry me first."
Bella just stared at me, waiting. "Okay, what's the punch line?"
I sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."'
"Edward, please be serious."
"I am one hundred percent serious." I gazed at her to gauge her reaction.
"Oh, c'mon," she said, an edge of hysteria in her voice. "I'm only eighteen."
"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."
Bella looked away, out the dark window. I knew she was trying to control her emotions. Maybe what I was doing – suggesting marriage - was wrong. I knew she was against it, due to what had happened with her parents. But that was my testing ground. If marriage was too much for her, if she didn't want to commit to me that way, than becoming an immortal and be my mate forever seemed absurd. I knew it wasn't the commitment she feared – she had proved that she was willing to do anything for me by saving my life in Volterra and risking her life by staying with me regardless of my killing nature – but it showed she had no comprehension of what she was getting herself into.
Marriage was a big step. Immortality was much much bigger.
"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."
"Interesting choice of words."
"You know what I mean."
I inhaled deeply. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment."
My voice was disbelieving and Bella knew that.
"That's not it exactly," she hedged. "I'm… afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."
Bella and her priorities. She was afraid of what her mother would say; yet suffering through days of pain from transforming into a vampire was a piece of cake in her eyes. She'd rather give up her human life than to face her mother's possible disapproval.
"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than getmarried." I laughed darkly.
"You think you're joking."
"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then—"
"Well," she interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"
I smiled. "Sure," I said, calling her bluff. "I'll get my car."
"Dammit," she muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."
"No deal," I said, grinning. "I like thiscondition."
And I did. It started out as a plea bargain of sorts, but the more I thought of it, the more it made sense. I wanted to spend the rest ofher life with Bella, so marrying her would be wonderful. I wanted us to be tied in every human way. The couples in my family had all celebrated their union in various ways, including marriage and I wanted the same.
"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."
"If that's what you really want." I shrugged, smiling lightly at her.
"You're impossible," she groaned. "A monster."
I chuckled. "Is that why you won't marry me?"
Bella groaned again.
I leaned toward Bella; staring straight into her eyes – and getting lost in the sensation. It was all so clear to me. I wanted this; I wanted Bella to be my wife. I wanted her to say yes.
Please, Bella?" I breathed.
Bella stared at me for a few moments, before shaking her head.
"Would this have gone better if I d had time to get a ring?"
"No! No rings!" she very nearly snouted.
Bella? The thoughts belonged to Charlie who had woken at her loud cry.
His thoughts seemed worried. He was afraid she was having another nightmare.'
His mind flashed to the months when we'd apart. How he had woken up every night from her screams.
I had a lot of damage control to do. I'd sing to her every night; hold her close to erase all her nightmares.
"Now you've done it," I whispered.
"Oops."
"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said with resignation.
Bella looked at me in shock and I realized she was scared I would leave her again.
"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I offered.
"No," she whispered eagerly. "Stay. Please."
I smiled and disappeared just before the door opened
"Morning, Dad." I heard her say as I bend myself into the small space.
"Oh, hey, Bella." He sounded embarrassed at getting caught. "I didn't know you were awake."
"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower," she told him as I heard her muscles flex as she was sitting up.
"Hold on," Charlie said. "Let's talk for a minute first."
He had a lot of questions. She is going to tell me where she has been. And then I am going to ground her for the rest of her life.
"You know you're in trouble."
"Yeah, I know."
"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when—or if—you were coming back. Do you have any idea how… how…?"
"Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"
She'll be better off with her mother. Less ways to get into trouble. No boyfriend to put her through hell.
The irony of his choice of words was not lost on me.
"Because I won't go."
Stubborn Bella.
"Now just one minute, young lady—"
"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too—but that won't make me to go to Florida."
"Would you like to explain where you've been?"
This better be good.
"There was… an emergency."
Emergency? Is she joshing me? Did Edward set this up? I bet he did. He is wrong for her. I don't trust him.
No kidding. The way he had technically banned me from his house made that very clear.
I needed to do a lot of groveling with Chief Swan before he would be able suppress the urge to shoot me. Not that it would help him much, but the intent was clear.
"I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."
"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…"
Hmm, she was really telling him that?
Jumping off a cliff, Bella? Did she want to kill herself? Damn, maybe she needs counseling.
"I guess I didn't tell you about that," Bella choked out. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to… L.A., to explain in person."
Los Angeles. Not a bad choice for a location. But Charlie was sputtering in his mind, trying to comprehend what she was telling him. His conclusions were jumbled and angry.
I knew it. She was suicidal. His absence brought her to a breaking point. I should have kept a better eye on her. This wouldn't have happened otherwise.
"Wereyou trying to kill yourself, Bella?"
"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."
Charlie seemed relieved.
I better talk to Billy about the cliff jumping; I don't want to dredge up a bunch of bodies.
"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he barked.
"All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word—"
Bella interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding."
Leaving Bella was a misunderstanding. That boy has a weird way of dealing. I can't believe Bella is falling for that crap.
"So is he back then?" Charlie sounded angry and his mind was displeased.
"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I thinkthey all are."
"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."
It made sense that Charlie was trying to protect his daughter.
"Fine," Bella agreed. But her voice gave away she didn't agree at all.
"Oh." He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in surprise.
Huh? I thought she would put up more of a fight.
"I thought you were going to be difficult."
"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"
Charlie's mind exploded. Move out. Has she lost her mind? That kid is wrong for her. He is planting things in her head.
Not so much, his daughter was just very stubborn.
"Dad, I don't want to move out," she said in a softer tone. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"
"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."
"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am."
She said it with confidence.
"Not under my roof," Charlie stormed.
"Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight—or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."
"Bella—"
"Think it over," Bella insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I reallyneed a shower."
Charlie was reluctant to leave but he relented. His mind was as angry as the way he stormed out of the room and down the stairs.
As the door closed behind Charlie, I moved to Bella's rocking chair, the moment she stepped out of bed.
"Sorry about that," she whispered.
"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."
I knew Charlie loved his daughter and that he had every right to be angry and concerned. I didn't want to cause a rift between them. Who knew how much time they had left together? If Bella got her way, she would soon be separated from him. I wanted her to spend her time loving him, not fighting with him.
"Don't worry about it," Bella dismissed it as she gathered her bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that."
"Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" she said, pretending to be shocked.
"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"
Of course she would. And while I knew the risks of an accident prone Bella under our roof, the idea thrilled me more than it admittedly should.
"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" she grinned. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"
I prayed Charlie wouldn't kick her out. I knew he wouldn't either but Bella's eagerness bothered me. She didn't want to marry me, but she did want to be an immortal. Talk about strange priorities. Most girls dreamed of a wedding, not of becoming doomed.
But Bella wasn't ordinary. Quite the opposite.
"So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered.
"You know you don't really believe that."
"Oh, don't I?" I fumed.
"No. You don't."
I started to speak to correct her but Bella cut me off.
"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't—you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right,'"she reminded me triumphant. "There's hope in you, after all."
For once, I was speechless. Hope for me? How desperate I wanted for that to be true. Maybe she was right, I remembered how it had felt to catch her in my arms as she ran into me, trying to save me from exposing myself. I'd believed I was dead and in heaven.
"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" Bella suggested. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."
I got up slowly and put my hands on either side of Bella's face. Much more gentle than before.
"Forever," I vowed, still a little staggered as I stared into her chocolate eyes.
"That's all I'm asking for," Bella said, and she stretched up on her toes so that she could press her lips to mine.
And in that kiss I found my answer. Maybe I wasn't ready for Bella become an immortal right now. Maybe I needed the time I had promised her to make her trust me again. In a way I needed to learn to trust her too. Trust that she knew what she was doing.
But a few things I was certain of.
I loved her and I would spend every moment showing her so that she would never have to worry about me leaving her again.
I wished she would say yes and become my wife but the idea was probably too much to process for her at the moment.
I had patience, I could wait.
More than anything I simply wanted to be with her.
Forever.
A/N: there's still an epilogue left. Thanks for all the support. I appreciate it :)
Almost weekend, have a good one.