"Show me that again," Gwen said.

Merlin chuckled, then turned the candle flame into butterflies. Smiling, Gwen leaned back into her pillows and sighed, trying to ignore the throbbing behind her eyes. Gaius had said it was the combination of stress and working too hard and ordered her bed rest. Despite the urging of Leon and Merlin, she had refused initially. Resting meant free time and free time meant time to think about all she had lost - Arthur, Elyan, Gwaine, her father - and that was something she didn't want to do. But when, on her way to the council room, she threw up her breakfast, everyone was insistent she rest and refused to listen to her. In the end it was easier for her to give in.

"How does it feel to have so much power in you?"

"It's scary at times but other times, when I'm able to use the power to help, to do something good, the feeling can be amazing." He smiled teasingly at her, "Like now. Making you smile."

A tired laugh escaped her. "Are you sure -"

"I checked earlier. Leon is dealing with the village session. Percival is in charge of training and I'm sure the council will survive without you for a day."

She curled her fingers around his. "Thank you. I just worry, that if I'm not on top of everything, things will start to go wrong again and - it's just that Camelot is all I have."

"Get some rest. You're going to have a long day tomorrow, with the guests." Merlin's fingers brushed gently against her forehead, pushing her curls back. "I'll bring lunch for you in a while. And yes, I'll check on everything."

"Thank you."

The smile he gave her was tinged with sadness. "It's the least I can do."

Once the door closed quietly behind him, Gwen closed her eyes, letting the exhaustion she'd been feeling over the past few days take over her. Merlin was right - Camelot would survive without her for a day, she thought just as sleep claimed her.

When she opened her eyes, the sun had set. In the corner of her room, shrouded in shadows cast by the candles lit in her room, was Merlin, his head buried in a book. He must have heard her move because his head snapped up.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Most of the day." Merlin closed the book and walked over to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Rested. And hungry," she laughed when her stomach rumbled. "I don't suppose you want to sneak down to the kitchens with me?"

"And annoy Cook? Of course."

In the relative darkness of the corridors, their hands entwined as they tiptoed and avoided the castle patrol. It felt almost like the past, when they were servants whose only responsibilities were to their jobs. The kitchen was, thankfully, empty when they finally reached it. Gwen was peering inside the larder when sudden nausea swamped her and she stepped backwards into Merlin's arms.

"What's wrong?"

Splaying a hand over her stomach, she took a shuddering breath. "Smoked meat," she gulped, trying to stop herself from throwing up.

It didn't work.

Back in bed, Gwen watched silently as Gaius examined her. Merlin hovered in the background, a frown on his face.

"Merlin, get me some ginger flowers," said Gaius. "Go on." When Merlin was reluctantly gone, Gaius looked seriously at her. "When was the last time you bled?"

Taken aback by the question, Gwen struggled to remember. She'd been so caught up with ruling over Camelot that she hadn't taken note of her monthly bleeding. "Before Arthur died," she said, realising that it had been almost two months since her last bleeding. Then it dawned on her. "You think I'm pregnant."

"The signs point to it. Merlin will probably know a spell to check." He gave her a slight smile. "Congratulations."

Gaius continued talking, telling her how to take care of herself, what she needed to eat to remain healthy but Gwen wasn't listening. A million contradicting thoughts crowded in her brain. She had a part of Arthur growing in her. She was going to be a mother. Her child would never know their father. She couldn't bring up a child on her own. How could she be a mother and rule a kingdom?

Merlin burst into the room, ginger flowers in his hand. "Found them. You really need a better system of organisation - what's wrong?"

Gaius raised an eyebrow at her.

"Gaius thinks I might be pregnant." It was her voice but it sounded so distant to her.

The ginger flowers fell onto the ground, then a huge smile broke across Merlin's face. "You're pregnant," he repeated in hushed awe. Then he grinned and whooped. "You're pregnant!"

His glee was infectious and Gwen finally smiled at the news. "I'm pregnant. Oh Merlin." Her voice caught. "I'm having Arthur's child." Unconsciously, her fingers drifted towards her stomach.

"I know. It's amazing."

"Amazing," Gwen repeated as she placed one hand gently on her stomach, almost feeling like she could feel the new life in her, a new life that was part Arthur. She smiled again, despite the fear that thumped in her heart.

The cool water lapped against his back, soothing out the aches in his shoulders. He watched with mild amusement as Amber splashed around in the shallow part of the lake. Her blatant enjoyment of the lake made up for the vague sense of discomfort and dread he felt in it, a feeling that was exacerbated by the memories he could feel trying to burst out of the locked box of his mind without any success, no matter how hard he tried.

"Mum says you're going away for a few days." Amber splashed her way next to him. "Where are you going?"

"Camelot."

Her eyes widened at that. "Can I go too? There's a pretty castle there and everyone says the Queen is beautiful. I want to meet her. Maybe she'll make me a princess and then I'll get a horse and -"

"No, you can't go."

"Is it dangerous?"

Kay nodded.

Amber let out a loud sigh. "Everything is dangerous. Will you bring the Queen a present from me? Mum says she's sad because the King died."

"Of course. What are you going to give her?"

"I don't know. What do you think a Queen would like?" Amber twirled in the water. "Do you think she'll want some wild flowers? I could pick some of the yellow and purple ones that grow near the forest."

"I'm sure she'll love anything you give her."

"Great! Come, I want to go over there." Pointing at the deeper end of the lake, Amber grabbed his arm and pulled him with her. "They say Queen Guinevere used to be ordinary like me, but the King fell in love with her and made her Queen. Isn't that nice?"

He stilled. Guinevere. The name tugged at his heart and something stirred in his memory.

"Kay! Are you listening?"

He looked down at Amber and smiled. "Of course Amber."

"I don't want you to go."

Startled by her sudden change in mood, he blinked. The slight pout and the anguish in her face almost made him want to tell her he wouldn't go but if he went to Camelot, he might find his family or at least more about his past. "I'll come back," he said but there was no sincerity behind his words.

Amber bit her lip. "My dad said he'd come back but he didn't."

Kay simply hugged Amber tightly.

Later, as he held the hand of a slightly more cheerful Amber while walking back to the tavern, Kay let his thoughts wander to the name Guinevere again. Was he a loyal subject of hers? Or did someone important to him just happen to share the same name as the Queen of Camelot? What was this Queen like?

The latter he posed to Muriel at dinner.

"I've never met her myself but some of the merchants who come here say she's warm and kind. She was a servant before and now she's Queen. Without the King by her side, people wonder if she can maintain the peace that the King died for."

"She's not a good Queen?" Kay wasn't sure why but that thought annoyed him.

Muriel shrugged. "I wouldn't know. But she was a servant before. And -" Brom's voice dropped and Kay had to lean towards her to pick up the rest of the sentence. "I've heard rumours recently that the King's manservant is back and he's magic. The Queen hasn't said anything but people claim she wants to make magic legal again."

"Oh."

"Yeah. After all the damage and destruction magic has brought to this land, she wants to make it legal. King Arthur would turn in his grave."

The feeling of discomfort hit him again, but he ignored it. Instead, he turned the subject away from the Queen, enquiring instead of the best way to get to Camelot.

"I know you're a brilliant swordsman but you best be on your guard. The road to Camelot can be perilous and there are still remnants of Morgana's army around. With some luck, you'll bump into the Camelot knights on your way and you won't have to make the trip all the way to Camelot." Muriel pushed a mug of mead towards him. "Amber is going to miss having you around. Told you not to entertain her so."

Kay smiled. "What about you, Muriel?"

"Nah," she chortled. "Why would I miss the bum who's been sponging off me?"

"I chopped all that damaged furniture into wood for you."

Muriel rolled her eyes and picked up some dirty mugs from the counter, depositing them into the sink.

"I stopped that fight between Greg and Johnson. Repaired the roof. Even did your washing up last night."

Tossing a dirty rag at him, Muriel shook her head. "What are you trying to do Kay? You know you've become like family here. Now go away before I really get sad at you getting yourself killed on the way to Camelot."

"Ah Muriel," Kay laughed. "You know my sword skills are better than any you've seen before. It's not going to be easy to kill me."

"Kay," she said seriously. "I hope you find what you're looking for in Camelot."

"Me too."

AN: Thank you for the encouraging comments! I really enjoy writing this fic although it hasn't been that easy. I suppose it's sort of a fix-it fic.