Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.
Chapter 37
"Hey, you know what I just figured out today, driving over here listening to the radio?" Joss asked, looking across the table at Tara, who was anxious and uptight, having already said she hated "knowing this kind of stuff," and Joss knew that neither she, nor Tara, were supposed to know any of it. Jax obviously ran his mouth about club business to Tara, and that was something Joss just couldn't believe; it was sacrilege, and Joss wouldn't be part of it. But Tara…it really was bothering her, and Joss wanted to make her feel better somehow. It was terrible that Jax had told Tara this, not only for the club, but mostly for Tara! No one should have to carry this around, unless they were an integral part of planning it and making it work anyway, and one more time Joss was so angry with Jax. Tara still had another five hours on her shift at the hospital, Joss with her new license, and her "new" Explorer, had driven over to meet her for lunch in Saint Thomas's cafeteria after getting a call from Tara, saying she really needed to talk to someone. But Joss never would have figured it would be about this.
Tara shook her head, looking at Joss over the rim of a coffee cup, expecting Joss to say something about Mayans, or ATF, but Joss was out to distract from that, not add to it, "that song by 'ZZ Top,' the one that goes, 'I know a girl who lives on the hill, she won't do it but her sister will…,' that one?" Joss asked, and Tara nodded, but looked strangely at her. "I always thought the title and the chorus was 'Two Snake Boogie,' but it turns out it's 'Tube Snake Boogie!'" Joss sighed. "Wow, for so many years now, I've had such a different image of what they were implying in that song!" She laughed.
It took a few seconds before Tara laughed, just sitting there across from her looking at Joss with a 'why are you telling me this' kind of look. Then finally she did laugh, a little, briefly, but Joss could tell she was still full on worrying about the club's intentions, and Jax's place within them both. Damn…Joss was going to need to be more direct in this, and she knew it was going to sound like she was pointing out Tara's inadequacies as an old lady, no matter how she said it. "I really can't help but worry what happens if this thing goes badly…I don't want Jax in jail again! That was the hardest thing we've ever been through!"
"Tara, you're worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet." Joss replied, and one more time, looked around the cafeteria to see if anyone was listening in on their conversation, because Tara had been talking about it all like it was some new salon she'd tried that had cut her hair wrong.
"But I know it does happen, Joss!" Tara replied shortly, frustration and panic in her voice, "you haven't lived through that yet, but I have, I've seen my man go to jail, I know sometimes things fall through, and when they do, everyone falls with them!"
Joss looked back at her, her feelings a bit hurt though they shouldn't have been, Tara was just venting her fears, and Joss knew that, saying a "thank you" to Tig that she knew he couldn't hear, for never telling her anything about club business…she didn't want to live with the fear of losing her man…though in a way she was living with it…Opie…she had to remove him before Tig, in his overzealous protectiveness, did something that would ultimately mean she'd be without him. And Tara thought she had problems?
Tara was now looking over at Joss and grimacing, reaching over and taking her hand. "I'm sorry!" She said, shaking her head. "I didn't mean to yell at you, this just all gets me so…crazy."
Joss nodded, "don't worry about it," she smiled understandingly, but Joss knew that was nowhere close to "crazy;" crazy was firing until a slurry of bone and brains whirled around her, and she'd watched part of her father's jaw hit the wall behind him, and then unloaded the rest of the clip into his God damn dick and balls. That was crazy, and she knew it was going to be making a return. But she couldn't think about that now, she couldn't give anyone any indication that she was putting the pieces in order, her thoughts constantly trying to formulate the right trap to lay, how to get it done and over with but have none of it lead back to her, or Tig. That was the hardest part…the "accidental" scenario, but there was no other way. She'd figure it out though, she wouldn't rest until she did. She loved Tig, and she'd do anything to protect him, even from himself. She looked back at Tara; that was her immediate problem, helping her friend get out of her own head…but damn Jax for locking her up in there to begin with! "Tara, this isn't your 'shit,' and because it isn't, you need to let go of it."
"But how can it not be? If effects Jax, and what effects him effects me, and Abel!" Tara's hand was on her chest, pressing so hard that her fingers were turning white around the beds of her nails. Her voice grew much quieter then, she leaned over the table, almost whispering, "I can't just sit back and trust that ICE will have a flawless immigration raid on the Mayans, that ATF will come swooping in to remove and protect their informants, and while ICE and ATF sit around having a governmental pissing match, our guys are putting on stolen Mayan cuts and preparing to isolate, follow and hijack the vehicle that'll be carrying Sta—ATF agents and three Mayan rats?" Tara shook her head again, her face as white as her fingers had been. "At best, that ends in a shoot out, and I could lose Jax forever then." She started to sigh again but then looked hard at Joss. "We both could lose them forever!"
Oh no, there was no way Joss was losing Tig! She hadn't even truly heard Tara's last statement; she was too enraptured by the word "shoot out." What if Opie took a stray bullet; a headshot? Just, "bang," and before anyone knew it, he was dead…counted among the casualties, no questions asked. It would be tricky though, Joss wasn't some sniper or something. Tig, it wasn't that she didn't worry for him, but she had faith in his abilities to not get arrested, or shot. But she had other things to think about, other answers she needed. She focused on Tara again, kept her voice low, telling herself she was comforting a friend. "Well, first of all, I'm sure if anything like that goes down, it'll be in some secluded place, where not a lot of back up will be available for their quarry."
Tara didn't even answer, pulled a pen from her white coat pocket and wrote on her napkin, "Abandoned logging camp," then shoved it over to Joss, who read it and nodded, Tara pulling it back again, crumpling it up and then stuffing it down into her half full bottle of iced tea, gone forever. "Okay," Tara said, "I maybe didn't think of it that way when Jax mentioned the location."
Joss nodded…the location…she was thinking of a lot of things herself, but she looked at Tara again and smiled, though it was difficult to do it and say the words she said next. "I can't believe Jax just…tells you this stuff. I don't understand that, but whatever the reason is, if he's telling you, you just have to hear it and then forget it. You can't live like this, Tara."
Tara's brow furrowed and she looked strangely at Joss, half like she was sorry for her, and half like she feared something was wrong in her own relationship. "Tig doesn't—"
"No!" Joss realized she'd answered too quickly and matter of fact-ly. "And I don't ask him.
"Well," Tara shrugged her shoulders, looking even more like she thought something was wrong between her and Jax, and was searching for something that might mean there actually was nothing wrong at all. "I guess you can't, can you? He 'owns' you, you can't do anything unless he says you can."
The way Tara's voice wrapped around the word "owns" made Joss's fingers unconsciously curl around the hem of her patch beneath the table, holding tightly. "That isn't it." She said, impressed with how casual and friendly her tone still was. "I know to you this whole 'property patch' thing seems very black and white, like some kind of 'master and slave' deviation. But it's so much more complicated than that, Tara. I know Tig is in charge, I know I have to listen to him, I know that whatever he says is what I have to do, or not do. But I also know that if I follow his lead, and I listen to him, then there aren't going to be any problems between us, because there won't be any reason for there to be. I know what's expected of me, and I know he's there if I ever need him, and I know he's going to make sure that wherever I am, here having lunch with you, around the club, or even alone with him, that I'll always be respected and safe."
Tara was looking at her speechlessly, and Joss could feel her heart beating a little harder in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, Tara was beginning to understand. But then Tara shook her head, like resisting what she maybe wanted to at least contemplate further. "But, he 'owns' you." Leave it to Dr. Knowles to be stuck on that one word.
"Yeah, he does, but Tig's end of 'owning' me is a bigger chunk of responsibility to take on his part than it is on mine, and requires him to sacrifice a lot in order to do this right and not look like he doesn't give a shit about something he's chosen to advertise is his!" Joss stopped for a moment, knowing she hadn't meant to sound so hard-charging with her words. She took a breath, re-centered herself. "How a man treats his old lady, particularly his property, influences how the club views him and respects him. If his brothers notice a man isn't keeping up his 'patch', then they start looking at how he takes care of other things, like his cut, his bike, himself…and they start to question how much his status in the club means to him if he isn't giving proper attention to everything else that's his." Joss was so proud to be schooling Tara on this, but at the same time, she hoped that she hadn't been making Tara feel like what she had with Jax wasn't meaningful. It was, Joss knew that, but it just needed some…direction. She'd given Tara the facts, but now she really should tailor this to something personal, just to make it sound like she'd been talking about her and Tig only. And they worth talking about…the two of them so traumatically fucked up and unable to cope with life as most people lived it, but when it came to the patch on Joss's back, they did everything right. There was no other place for them in the world but here, and Joss would fight, would kill, to keep that. "That Tig is willingly taking on all that extra scrutiny to have me in his life…well…I don't know if I can accurately describe how it makes me feel to mean so much to somebody."
Chapter 37; Part 2
Tig was laughing from across the table at her, separating the chunks of chicken from the peas and carrots in the potpie Joss had made for dinner, not really meaning for her to notice, but doing it out his anti-vegetarian spite nonetheless, even though it wasn't her diet they were discussing. "So that's why you want a gun, isn't it?" He asked, reaching for his beer now. "In order to fix doctor bitch, you need to take out Jax?"
Joss rolled her eyes as she stabbed an olive on her plate. "I never said anything even remotely close to that."
Tig laughed again. "Hey baby, you don't have tell me how it is, I never heard anything!" He had to pause a moment because he was laughing so much, "they find the body, I won't know a damn thing…I'll be all, 'no, I didn't notice anything strange…I thought he always had that hole in his forehead, I thought he was part whale or something.'"
"Tig, that isn't funny!" And it wasn't…not with what Joss was planning…or had pretty much planned at this point, thanks to Tara.
Tig was about to disagree when his cell rang, he held up one finger to Joss and grabbed the phone from off his belt. "It's Clay," he said, then flipped it open, putting to his ear. "Yeah? Oh man, is she okay? No, she should get checked out, might be something pulled in her back, and she doesn't need to be in that kinda pain later. Yeah sure, I'll be out, leaving in the next two minutes, tell Gemma I said not to worry about anything, and to feel better fast."
"What happened to Gemma?" Joss asked wide eyed and heart in her throat before Tig had even flipped his phone closed again. He was standing up, finishing his beer.
"She's okay," he said to her first. "She hit a deer out on near the old logging camp, the SUV's pretty fucked up, and Clay's taking her over to Saint Thomas's cuz she's got a little bit of neck and back pain." Tig reached for his cut, putting it on and grabbing his keys out of his pocket. "Clay wants me to go get the truck and tow Gemma's vehicle back to the shop, so I'll be back in about an hour, I guess."
Joss nodded, so relieved to know that Gemma was fine, but disappointed that Tig was leaving. "You want some company?" She smiled at Tig. "You just got home; I haven't seen you all day."
"Na," he said, walking over to her. "I'll be back soon, promise," he said then smiled a little himself. "I'll make it up to you later, baby." He leaned down and kissed her, pulling away much faster than Joss was ready for him too, then turned to leave. "Hey, while I'm gone, get everything that isn't chicken out of that stuff you made, it'll be better that way." He smirked at her then walked away.
It wasn't long after Tig had left, Joss not even finished her olives and rennet free feta cheese, before there was a knock on the door. What a strange occurrence. Unless someone knew her and Tig, then they didn't know there was even a house back here. So, it had to be someone she knew at the door, and with Gemma's accident so recently happened Joss feared that something awful had been discovered at the hospital, and someone was here to give her the news in person. She jumped up from the table and ran to the front door, as though her haste was somehow helping Gemma to pull through. She yanked open the front door, and got the shock of her life. Opie!
"Hey, is Tig around?" He asked her, kind of leaning in the doorway with that non-threatening menace he always had.
"No!" Jesus Christ! What was he doing here? Why was he asking for Tig to begin with? It was pretty obvious that they didn't like each other. But Opie forgot about Tig and was looking at her now, shifting his weight comfortably as he let his eyes drift over her from feet to head.
"Hear about Gemma?" He asked her, making no move, not backwards or forwards.
"Yes, so you can get the hell out of here!" Joss growled and started to shut the door, but Opie punched it right out of her hand and leaned towards her.
His eyes were mean and level, his voice flat, he wasn't going anywhere. "I think if you really didn't want me here, that would have been the first thing you said to me."
He was still only in the doorway, his feet having not crossed the threshold, but he was leaning closer and closer to her, Joss getting angrier and angrier, so angry, she couldn't even form words, her teeth clenched, waiting for that familiar feeling of something letting go, something running wild within her that she couldn't control. Opie was getting closer to her and closer, but his feet were still outside the doorframe…how was he able to do that? Maybe because he hadn't been the one who moved, she had, decreasing the distance between them, staring up at everything he was, he was about two inches taller than Tig, about ten years younger, a little stronger, but she didn't care, it didn't matter in the way it should have. She hated him, she hated him so much it was like she wanted to devour him, just rip him up into little pieces and shove them into her mouth and grind him up, little bits of him dangling between her teeth…
And then he was in her mouth, his tongue fighting so furiously with hers neither one of them could breathe, Opie's hands gripping her at her waist and her ass, Joss's arms locked around his neck, would have probably been strangling him if she hadn't been kissing him at the time, pulling him through the doorway now, into the house, collapsing onto the foyer floor with him above her, her claws slashing not at his skin or eyes, or the vulnerable sutures in his face, but at his jacket and shirt, Opie tearing them off for her with one hand as the other grabbed the hem of the t-shirt she wore and yanked it over her head. It was all she wore, and before Joss knew it he was in her, nowhere near as big and wonderful as Tig, but fucking her just as hard.