Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, but if Murakami-sensei is willing to share I would be more than happy to own Ryuichi (fantasizing of the things I could to to him) Oh, Tony and Takeshi are product of my imagination.

Warnings: None here. Aside for some foul language everything else is pretty mild.

A/N: Hi everyone -waves- So here I am finally updating, sorry if I took so long, I've been having horrible migraines. I'm somewhat lucid right now (migraine pills sends me into deep coma) so I better make this quick. To all of you who had been following the story, reading and reviewing, thank you. To my wonderful beta Inu-midoriko, a gigantic thanks and lots of chocolate.

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Chapter 8: Bittersweet

Yuki sat in his empty apartment, looking around and thinking of what was and what could've been. Every square inch of the place he called home had a memory, every room, every piece of furniture, everything had a memory of him and Shuichi. Some were happier than others, but still, they lingered, making Yuki's heart ache.

It didn't matter that not one thing remained of Shuichi because in his mind they were there. The strawberry scent shampoo in the bathroom, the candy hidden in the third shelf in the kitchen, the stack of CD's next to the stereo, all of it was still there. He could still hear Shuichi giggling… or sobbing. He could still smell his scent on the bed sheets after their lovemaking… and the metallic stench of blood after he had…

In the past months he had more than enough time to think and, in a way, repent for everything he did to the singer but that wasn't good enough. He needed to let Shuichi know how he felt, he wanted to try and mend their relationship if it was at all possible, but how?

'Tohma', he thought, 'he should be able to help.' He dialed his brother-in-law's number. He had helped him in the past so this time it shouldn't be any different. Right?

"This is Tohma Seguchi."

"Tohma," he said, "I need your help."

The blond immediately went into mother hen mode, "What is it Eiri?"

"You think… could you… I need to see him." he finally said, "I have to talk to-"

Tohma knew well whom the blond was referring to, "Listen to me Eiri, the best thing you can do is forget about him." his tone was different, he was opposed to the relationship in the beginning but this sounded downright strange.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean exactly that. Stay away from him. Trust me in this, please."

"Just forget it," Yuki hung up the phone, 'Stay away from him? Not now'.

He needed someone…

The novelist picked up his phone again and looked at the number he was about to dial, "It's a gamble but, what the hell do I have left to lose?" he listened as the phone ringed holding the device tightly.

"This is Hiroshi."

Yuki took in a deep breath, "Nakano, it's me Yuki."

--

Yuki was brewing some coffee when he heard a knock on his door, "I must have sounded pretty pathetic," he told the red head standing at his door.

"Pretty much," replied Hiro sarcastically.

"Coffee?"

"Why not."

Yuki closed the door after Hiro had entered the residence; Hiro followed him to the kitchen where the novelist was pouring the coffee in two mugs. The guitarist watched Yuki go around the apartment, grabbing his cigarettes and an ashtray. He disposed of the beer cans that lay around, 'Did he call me to watch him do house cleaning?', he thought, Yuki walked back to the kitchen and took a seat next to the guitarist, offering him a cigarette.

"Look," Hiro spoke first, lighting his cigarette, "I'm not sure what exactly you want, or why you think I can or will even consider helping you," he noticed Yuki searching his pockets for a light so he flicked his lighter and extended the flame to the novelist, "but I'm here and I have some time to spare so I'll listen to whatever it is you wanna say. Now talk."

Yuki took one long drag of his cigarette letting it fill his lungs before blowing the smoke out, "How is he? I mean… is he-"

"Is he still in love with you? I don't know. Is he okay? I don't know either. He's… I don't know, weird. What can I say; he scared Fujisaki shitless the other day… I just feel like I don't know him anymore, and it's all thanks to you." the red head eyed the novelist accusingly. "On top of that I found out today that we are still under NG's label thanks to Tony." Hiro noticed the question in Yuki's face, "That's right, you don't know… Tony is Shuichi's new man, you know the one that picked him up at the airport."

'So that's the fucker's name.' he thought, "Are they together, you know, like we were."

Boy was Hiro going to enjoy this one, "Nah, they're way better. Tony treats Shuichi like you never did, he's not afraid of telling him that he loves him, he doesn't run away when Shuichi is too much to handle, he doesn't cheat-"

With a crash Yuki's cup landed on the wall leaving a coffee trail running downwards, "I get it! I'm a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be looked at! I get it okay? You don't need to remind me."

"Whoa," Hiro was surprised at the blonde's sudden outburst, "you might be human after all." he said sarcastically, "Listen man, do you have any idea of how much he suffered because of you? Of course you don't, I'll tell you anyway. Thanks to you, he stopped being the happy kid that I knew all my life. About a year before he left, he started to miss work and when he did show up he reeked of alcohol. He would fall asleep in the middle of rehearsals and he even stopped dodging K's bullets and told Seguchi to fuck off. It's like he had a death wish or something. I'm sure you must have noticed it too, didn't you?"

Truth is he had noticed. Shuichi had stopped crying and begging him stop drinking and start his therapy sessions again. He stopped questioning him about his infidelities; he wasn't intimidated anymore and he fought back, even if it was subconsciously. And Yuki also noticed that he had started to drink. He would disappear at times showing up days later, disoriented, either wearing the same clothes or someone else's not only smelling of beer and smokes but also sex.

In a particular occasion Shuichi had left the NG building on a Thursday sometime after four. He had called the author asking him for a ride but Yuki, of course, refused and delivered a load of insults to the singer. Shuichi simply hung up. The novelist been the conceited person he was thought that Shuichi would hail a cab and come home to be insulted all over again.

Wrong.

He hailed no cab and he did not come home that day…or the next day…or the day after that… He walked in on the Sunday, past one in the afternoon, glazed eyes, his hair was a mess, and he wore the same shirt from Thursday. The pants, that was a different story, Yuki knew those were not his; they were at least a size bigger. That's when he realized that Shuichi was sleeping around, like he was.

The novelist shook the memories out of his head, finally answering, "Yeah… Nakano I need to see him, I have to talk to him."

"Ha, like that's going to happen"

"Tell me where he lives, I'm sure he'll see me."

Hiro laughed, "Sure, just tell me what kind of flowers you like."

Yuki had no idea why that was relevant, "Why?"

"So that I know which ones to bring to your funeral."

"Are you high?"

"No, not at all," the guitarist tried to compose himself, "if you go anywhere near Shuichi, Takeshi will kill you, or seriously wound you. Which ever fits his mood," he said nonchalantly.

"Who?"

"Right, I forgot you are way out of the loop. Takeshi is Shu's bodyguard; think of him like K, but silent and mysterious, tall with broad shoulders, short dark hair, tanned skin, extremely hot… I mean dangerous, very, very dangerous." Hiro blushed and mentally cursed himself for saying that aloud.

"Okay, that was awkward." said the writer, "do you have any suggestions or are you having too much fun at my expense?"

The guitarist picked up his helmet, "Listen, you're a writer, a romance novelist for cryin' out loud. Why don't you do something you're good at? Write. Write him a letter since you are not the best at talking. If it helps - and again I don't know why I'm doing this - I'll be willing to give it to him, I'm going to his place today at around five o'clock, call me and I'll stop by."

The novelist accompanied the red head to the door, "Nakano," he paused.

"Don't sweat it," he knew that the writer had already spoken more than usual, and that a simple thanks would feel like acid in the novelist's tongue, "Just don't fuck things up. And don't get used to me helping you, this is a one shot deal, it may help me accumulate some good karma."

"Fine." Yuki closed the door and lit another cigarette, "Write, he says. Easier said than done."

The blond walked to his study sitting in front of the computer, "Nah," he said closing the laptop, "it would look too cold and impersonal." Yuki opened a drawer and pulled out a note pad and a pen.

Dear Shuichi:

I'm sorry for everything

"That's no good," he tore the page out.

Shuichi:

I still love y

"Argh," he crumpled the piece of paper.

Dear Shu:

Why don't you come back home with

"Fuck! I sound like an ass," he yelled while ripping the page into little pieces.

'Think Eiri, what do you really want to say?' Yuki sat with his eyes closed, regretting yesterday. He thought of today, and hoped for tomorrow when he felt a stray tear rolling down his cheek.

"Now I know what it is that he needs to know." picking up his pen he wrote the most important words of his life.

--

Tony opened his eyes expecting to see Shuichi lying next to him; instead he found an empty space where the singer was supposed to be. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and put them on. The photographer started to panic, thinking that Shuichi was having second thoughts about a relationship or maybe…

"Stop been so negative." he told himself.

But how was he supposed to be positive when he was the only one in love? When he didn't know where Shuichi's heart was, or what he felt for him. Was it gratitude? Was it a crush? Or was Tony a replacement for Yuki, like some convenient fuck in the meantime?

Shuichi sat on the couch writing on his notebook when he felt Tony embracing him from behind the couch, "Hey," he said, "the bed feels too cold if you're not there."

Shuichi extended his arms behind his head to encircle Tony's neck, "I've only been gone for a little while."

"I know but I missed you already." said the older male nuzzling the singer's neck.

The singer couldn't help but feel strange. Yuki never missed him, he never said 'I love you', and he definitely never, ever cuddled.

Shuichi shook the thought out of his head, after all this wasn't Yuki. He would not compare such a wonderful person with him. "Then I'll have to make it up to you." the singer turned enough so he was able to pull his lover down in a passionate kiss.

When their lips parted he looked straight at Tony's eyes. They were so full of love, so full of hope, but they were also full of need, a need that was not physical but emotional. "Tony, I…" 'Why can't I say it?' "Tony, I think I…" he tried again but couldn't bring those words out.

Tony knew well what Shuichi was trying to say, he also knew well why he couldn't, "You don't," he said, and although he was still smiling, in his eyes Shuichi could see his pain. Tony kissed the top of the singer's head, "I have to get ready, I have a meeting with Seguchi this afternoon."

Shuichi watched as the photographer moved farther from him. He quickly jumped to his feet walking towards his lover, reaching for him, "Tony I…" he started to say when he was interrupted by Mizuki, who handed Tony the phone saying it was a call from Spain.

Shuichi just stood there as Tony spoke in spanish, "This is Antonio… when?… and what happened with Delia?… no, no, no, that's no good…" he cursed, at least Shuichi understood those, "…then I have no choice… yeah…okay… I'll be there as soon as I can… of course she's fired… aha… see you soon… bye." he cursed again, Shuichi wasn't sure if he should try to comfort the man or just do nothing.

He reached to the photographer, "Is something wrong?"

For the first time Tony glared at the singer, "Yes something is very wrong!" he yelled.

Shuichi flinched.

"Please, just let me be." Tony turned his back on the singer and continued walking to his bedroom.

He sat on his bed with his elbows on his knees staring at the floor when he saw smaller feet occupying the space between his own, "Sorry I yelled," he said, keeping his head low.

"No, I'm the one that's sorry," Shuichi closed the distance between the two, "I'm sorry for causing you such heartache and for not been able to love you as much as you love me." Tony wrapped his arms tightly around Shuichi's waist and buried his face on the singer's abdomen but didn't say a word, "You are special to me and I don't want you to be sad because of me." the hold around his waist got tighter, "Please don't hate me," his words came between sobs, "if you're patient I'm sure one day… I promise that I'll keep trying. I promise."

Tony lifted his head and Shuichi saw that he was trying to hold back tears. The singer placed a very tender kiss on his lover's lips, "I want to love you with all my heart. I want it to be yours."

The older male felt how sincere those words were and he pulled the singer by the shirt and said, "What have you done to me?" in tears, before trapping the singers lips once more, mixing the salty tears with the bittersweet kiss.

--

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