Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from "Sons of Anarchy." They are the property of Kurt Sutter and Fox Network. No money is changing hands in the writing, reading or distribution of this story.

Chapter 41

Opie was looking at her again, from behind the bar, which was kind of like their anniversary spot…it was the very first place Joss had seen him ever in her life, and Joss liked to think that was the last place she'd ever see him too. He was standing over there, talking to Chibs, but Opie was so fucking tall, he was able to look right over top the Scotsman's head and stare at Joss as much as he wanted to. Yeah, keep on staring, motherfucker…it would be the last time he did!

"Did you like, have something going on with that guy once?" Happy's Lauren asked, also noticing the attention Joss was getting from Opie. "He's hot! Doesn't look like all that much until the shirt comes off, but when it does…whoa!" She smiled and fanned herself with her hand, but then stopped and looked at Joss like she felt silly. "But I guess maybe you know that, huh?"

"What?" Joss nearly gasped. Shit…is that how Opie was looking at her? Like there'd been something between them that he fondly remembered, or maybe even hungered for again? God damn it…that was only a dream she'd had, right? Of course it was! And now other people were noticing that Opie looked at her, and they were reading shit like what Lauren had said into it? Fuck! Of course, it hadn't helped that Lauren was of the two people that had seen Joss elect to stay back and be alone with Opie at the party a week ago, like it was nothing. But that's exactly what it had been; nothing! "No! I've only ever belonged to or been with one reaper man! I swear to Christ!" Whoa! She hadn't meant to sound like she was throwing herself upon the mercy of the court!

Lauren looked at her like maybe she was trying to hide something. "Okay," she said awkwardly, but took a sip of her beer and relaxed. "Look Joss, I like you, and so I don't care if you had or have something going with him, it's okay."

"No, it really isn't!" Joss quickly replied, tangled in her anger and panic, how could anyone even imagine she'd do that to Tig? How could they think she'd betray the man who was everything to her? It was such a despairing thought that the rumors may get to be just that if Joss didn't take Opie out. She had to. And now she was so blinded and deafened by the tragedy of the whole situation, she hadn't gotten proper control of her tone, but making herself do that now, took a deep breath, sneered at Opie, then turned back to Lauren. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just that talk like that around here, when you're patched, can get you into a lot of trouble, okay?"

Lauren nodded. "Now I'm sorry," she said. "And thanks for that warning, I mean, who knows, I could have a patch of my own some day."

"Really?" Joss smiled, looking away from Opie's stare one more time and just ignoring him now, or trying to, "things going really good with Happy, huh?"

Lauren nodded excitedly. "Yeah, they are!" She smiled, looking all mushy and delighted. "It must have been the shamrock inked behind my ear that brought me the luck I needed to get a guy like Hap!" She took another sip of beer, her eyes finding Happy across the clubhouse, who was embroiled in some seemingly hilarious conversation with Tig. "My killah from Tacoma!" Lauren beamed proudly as she watched him laughing with Tig. "He's so one thing on the outside, but then there's this other part of him that makes me chocolate waffles for breakfast and gets up at five in the morning to take a walk with me before I go to work." Lauren's smile couldn't have gotten any bigger than it was, but then something tugged at it a little. "Of course, I had to listen to how he once killed someone with a waffle iron, and during one of our walks he showed me where he'd dumped a body a few years ago…but still…"

Joss shrugged. "Tig surprises me with flowers every now and then," she said, then rolled her eyes. "The all-weather proof plastic kind," she raised her eyebrows at Lauren, "from cemeteries!"

Both girls looked at each other for a few seconds as if trying to decide who had it the creepiest, but before any verdict could be reached between them, they both burst out laughing. Lauren took Joss's hand, raising both Joss's and her own in victory. "We are sooooo lucky!" She said, and they burst out laughing again. "But really, what's the coolest shit that Tig has ever given you?" Lauren asked then smiled again. "And you can't say your patch!"

"Hmmm," Joss mused, it was an interesting question, but it wasn't a fair one for her to try to answer. Tig didn't really give her 'things,' at least, 'things' were not his greatest gifts to her, and Joss knew there was no way in hell that Tig would want her to sit here and be discussing how he opened up to her, how he let her know things about him that no one else did, that the brick wall he'd built around himself was still very much intact, but only now, Joss was inside of it with him. No, she wouldn't say that, Tig would kill her, and how did she even describe what that was anyway? What was the coolest thing he'd ever given her? That Tig wouldn't mind her talking about? She'd really have to think about this one. "You first!" she insisted to Lauren.

"Okay," Lauren smiled, and looked over at Happy for a moment with so much admiration in her eyes, Happy noticing she was looking at him, and then blowing her a kiss, which made Lauren smile even more than she was. "This is going to sound really stupid," she said to Joss, then blew her man a kiss back, Happy pretending to catch it, then stuff it into his mouth, chew it up and swallow it then pat his stomach, Lauren laughing at him. "He gave me a rocking chair."

"He did?" Joss couldn't believe it. Happy? Gifting a piece of home furnishings? How strange! She looked over at Happy, envisioning him in some sort of frock coat, with woolen trousers, a top hat on his head as he lugged a hand-carved rocker home to his beloved Lauren, who sat in her hoopskirt and taffeta dress, doing needlework. "Wow, I never figured him for an old fashioned kind of guy like that."

"He's not," Said Lauren, then began to shake her head and giggle like mad. "He's not!" Joss looked at her, waiting almost patiently for what that meant as Lauren fought to get control of herself enough to explain. "He gave me the chair so we could…" Lauren began to giggle again. "Sorry," she said then settled herself once more, keeping her voice low now. "It's a sex thing, he sits in the chair then I get in his lap, facing him…with my legs through the arms of the chair, and his…you know…you know where," she nearly began giggling again. "And we…rock the night away!" She half sighed, fighting off the laughter as she said it.

"God damn!" Joss gasped, but not because she was offended. She looked over at Tig again…how incredible would it be to sit astride him like that, their bodies that close, hearts beating against one another, mouths fused, just enjoying the closeness of one another's bodies as the chair did all the work? Oooooh! "I think Tig owes me a rocking chair!" She turned to Lauren and they both laughed again.

"I'll suggest to Happy that he suggest it to him for you!" Lauren smiled then gave Joss a little tap on the arm. "Okay, it's your turn now! What's the coolest thing Tig's ever given you?"

Joss smiled, laughed a little, her eyes squinting with naughty glee. The conversation had taken 'that' turn, and this was one thing Tig really wouldn't object to having get out about himself! "Well, you really wanna know?" She asked Lauren. "I mean, do you really wanna know?" She giggled, then took a quick glance at her man, his many ringed hand sitting leisurely against his thigh as he talked, unaware of what Joss's eyes searched out.

"Yeah!" Lauren replied excitedly, knowing this was going to be good.

Joss giggled again then took another deep breath, cleared her throat and sat up regally. She was the one with seniority here, and she was going to sound…mature…as she said this, even if it was terribly terribly high school girlish of her. "Tig is…well, let's just say any BIG promises he makes you, he can definitely keep!"

"Oooooooooh!" Lauren straightened her posture too. "Really?" She asked, and tried to steal a glance over at Tig without Joss noticing, but Joss noticed immediately…not that she minded…her man was something special, and he deserved to have women hungering after him for reasons that didn't involve needing someone killed. And huh…Tig had not so much confessed to having been with Lauren in the past, but he'd said he "maybe," and that "he didn't remember." But if he had been, Joss was pretty sure Lauren would have remembered this about him…it was something no woman ever forgot about a man! Joss smiled, Tig was hers, but it was satisfying to know that once again, between the two of them, she had the seniority of knowing more about something in SAMCRO. Lauren looked back at her, the devil in her bluer than blue eyes, making Joss understand what she was about to ask, and she was so eager to answer. "So…seven?" Lauren asked suggestively.

Joss shook her head, feeling herself start to want her man a little too much, and now wasn't the best time, he was busy with the guys, the hit on ATF and the Mayans went off tomorrow, and Tig needed to relax with his brothers before it all went down. But she looked back at Lauren and proudly said, "more like eight and a half!"

Lauren's eyebrows rose this time, clearly impressed, and intrigued. "Wow…" she answered. "So the rumors are true, huh?" Lauren then laughed, and so did Joss, not ever having fully realized that Tig may have had some other type of "legend" around these parts. Lauren started to laugh again, impishly. "That's a pretty big gun…did he have to register it?" And once more, both the girls cackled with laughter, unable to stop, until…

"Joss!" Said a familiar voice, as though its owner had been standing there for awhile, waiting to be acknowledged, Joss finally looking up and seeing Tara before her.

"Tara!" Joss jumped to her feet, immediately hugging her friend. "Wow, what are you doing here tonight? You didn't even say you were coming!" A quick glance over Tara's shoulder during the embrace revealed Juice and his Lauren, in a quiet corner, Lauren against the wall, her hands roaming over the reaper and rockers of Juice's cut as they made out, Juice's strong back all but shielding her from everyone's view. Joss began to smile, she and Juice's Lauren had such a great day together…and all of sudden that made Joss feel terrible. "Oh my God!" She exclaimed, letting go of Tara and looking at her. "I am so sorry! I never called you back today!" And she hadn't…her cellphone had been in the truck while she and Lauren were out riding, and then when Tig showed up and made it pretty clear he wanted her home to do some 'riding' of his own, the messages on her phone were the furthest thing from Joss's mind.

"Yeah, well," Tara sort of huffed and rolled her eyes. "I only called you like four times," she said, as if implying that wasn't enough to suggest she'd really needed to talk to Joss. Shit! Joss felt terrible, this truly hadn't been any time to not call Tara back…not with the way she'd sort of lectured her on property patches the other day. Tara was very intelligent, in fact, that was one of her downfalls, she just didn't know how to use it, or how to let go of it, and to have been schooled by someone, newly arrived on the SAMCRO scene that Tara had been trying to figure out for the last year, who was also nearly half her age…well, it just wasn't good for their relationship, Joss knew that. And now she hadn't answered Tara's call, or called her back on top of it all! Fuck…Joss was such a bad friend!

"Oh Tara," she said, looking down and shaking her head. "I'm so sorry, I was just so busy today, went horseback riding with Juice's Lauren," she explained, gesturing over to the couple still hungrily at one another against the wall, "that's Lauren, but she's got a mouthful of Juice, as it were," Joss smiled, hoping to distract Tara's hurt feelings, but it hadn't worked. "Oh I'm just so sorry, Tara! I am! And this is my other friend, Lauren," she pointed to the mocha skinned, curly haired girl next to her, wanting to introduce Tara into this little circle, to try and make her seem welcome. "And she and I just got talking and laughing so hard, that I didn't see you—"

"No," Tara tried to sound like it didn't bother her, but it obviously did. "I understand, you were busy, having a good time with your…" she looked uncomfortably at the Lauren Joss was currently with, "other old lady friends, who automatically fit into things around here."

Okay, Joss had screwed up, she knew that, and she was trying to apologize, but the longer it went on, the more and more she began to feel so depleted by Tara's attitude. "Tara, please don't be like this!" Joss begged, reaching out and grabbing her friend's hands. "It's not like that, and you know it isn't." She had more to say but something stopped her, the oddest feeling of something brushing her back as an object was set down beside her. A bottle of water had appeared on the table, and the cuff of Opie's leather jacket once more grazed her back, touched her patch, and seemed to move much slower over her body than it had to, almost lingering there like he had thoughts of pulling her firmly back against his chest, as he finally pulled his arm away.

"Still looking out for you," he'd whispered into her ear, making Joss instantly turn to glare fiercely at him, but all she saw was the reaper on his cut as he walked back over to the bar, gone, too far away to say anything to that wouldn't be noticed.

Tara stared at her wide eyed. "What was that?"

Joss sighed; she'd dropped Tara's hands, her own becoming fists. She looked back at Tara imploringly, she couldn't handle this all at once, not with so much she'd have to live up tomorrow for the good of the club and the good of her and Tig even more. "Tara, there's just been so much on my mind lately," she half whispered to her, wishing she could explain it all, wishing she could confide this to someone, but there was no vessel to hold this knowledge other than herself, but Joss could hold no more. "And that was a big part it."

Tara was still looking so shocked though. "But, I thought that with a property patch—"

"Tara!" Joss suddenly yelled, realizing all too late that she had. Great, first she lectures her then doesn't return her calls, and now she was yelling at her. Yeah, Joss was a great friend. But she was completely fettered here and now, nothing could be explained, but Joss made herself promise to tell Tara about this one day…when she'd understand why the decision Joss had made regarding Opie was the only one she could make. She hoped that Tara would get to where she would understand her dilemma and her solution some day. Okay, that was a good plan for 'some day,' but how did Joss fix 'now?' She looked at Tara again, feeling like she was on the verge of tears, and realizing in a sudden horrifying epiphany, that she didn't want to kill Opie. She just wanted him to stop it, to let her and Tig have what they had, didn't they deserve a little happiness after all they'd been through, both separately, and together? Who was Opie Winston anyway? A normal guy, a normal guy who liked her; a normal guy who expressed his concerns for her, a normal guy whom her mind had invited into her dreams…but, nothing had happened, nothing that gave Tig the right to kill him, but still put Joss in the position of having to. But how did Joss even know Opie deserved to die? Could she live with it after he did? Oh fuck…this is what she'd been so afraid of…losing her nerve.

No, she wouldn't think about it, it was like anything else, if she thought about it and worried over it, she'd only give it the power it needed to become something paralyzing. But…she didn't want to kill Opie…it was there now, a full term realization of how she felt about what she had to perpetrate. "Tara," Joss said again, her voice so much quieter and much more down trodden than before, realizing that Tara was all she had right now, her very first and therefore, the friend who'd been with her the longest! She had to fix this between them. She had to! But Opie…her sense of duty and premature sense of guilt were pulling Joss apart. "I'm sorry…I just…well, let's start this over, can we?" Joss asked, knowing that this attempt to apologize was anything but what it should have been, but she just felt so emotionally exhausted, had nothing left to push out the words and feelings that were needed between her and Tara. "I'm glad you're here, what brings you out?"

Tara's expression clearly looked as though she was expecting more than that, and she should have, but in her grace, Tara just shook her head a little, and tried to make herself smile and call a truce. "I got thinking about what you said the other day, about how the old lady, and how the way her man treats her, can really influence that man's recognition within the club," she said, but fidgeted as she did, like she didn't really believe it, or just didn't know how to make that happen. "So today at the last minute, I got thinking, 'I'm a doctor!' that should boost Jax's value up near the top, right?"

Oh no…no no no…Joss felt herself start to shake her head, but immediately stopped herself from doing anything that would seem disapproving. It wasn't easy, Joss's emotional strength was about topped out at the moment…it was all too much…just way too much on her to try and figure out, compensate for and justify. But Tara…well, she was trying…but what the fuck? She was moving in the wrong direction! Thinking of herself as something high and mighty walking among these lowly folk. She was a 'doctor,' everyone should probably bow down to her; she was the only 'doctor' in the room…that alone had Jax's election to President sewn up for sure…his old lady was a 'doctor'…no one else here could probably even spell 'doctor.' No, stop…don't think that way, or something bad would happen…Joss tried, struggled, fought to get those thoughts out of her head, but it wasn't easy, she was waning in strength…there were any number of tactful responses to what Tara had said, but Joss was far too thinly spread emotionally to tap into any of them; her MC common sense was standing up inside of her and shouting, "you stupid bitch, Tara! It's that attitude that's going to ruin Jax, and you, within this club!" But based on the sudden onset of blank faces around her, Tara's foremost of all, Joss came to realize that those words had been much more than just a private thought. Fuck!

Chapter 41; Part 2

Tig had sensed there was some kind of tension between Joss and doctor bitch tonight, though he'd only looked over at them a time or two. It didn't bother him, or surprise him; he'd tried to tell Joss that doctor bitch was unfixable. But she'd refused to believe that, holding to the noble bonds of friendship that Tig knew were only going to leave Joss with a broken heart. But, Tig hadn't even tried to stop Joss in her crusade to save doctor bitch, because he knew he couldn't. All he could do was watch and make sure doctor bitch didn't somehow drag Joss and her loyalties into a bad place within the club, and then be there as a shoulder to cry on when it all went to shit in Joss's hands. From the looks of things, it was getting there too. Fuck, why tonight of all nights? There was a lot on him tomorrow, and the last thing he needed was having to play nursemaid to Joss's hurt feelings all night. Fuckin' doctor bitch…this was really her fault! Why did she have to show up tonight?

Actually no, it was Jax's fault. He had to know he'd made a poor choice of old ladies, and he had to know the club hadn't exactly cozy-ed up to Tara either; that was evident if Jax just bothered to examine how quickly Joss found her niche and was met with nothing but adoration bordering on the scale of that which Gemma herself received. Jax had to know these things, and instead of trying to get his old lady under control, or just get a new one who knew the rules, he decided to bring doctor bitch out tonight? Well wasn't that fucking wonderful? Just what the club needed on the night before they had to take out ATF and the Mayans too!

Joss was feeling it all herself, Tig could tell that from across the room. He'd seen the look on her face; he'd seen her hands clutched into fists. He'd been sitting there, talking to Happy, and half ready to watch a girl-fight erupt, knowing what side he'd be on, but wondering how long he'd let it go on for. He'd love to see doctor bitch get her ass handed to her, that was exactly what she was in need of, but Joss…when she went spider monkey…whoa…there was no telling where that might end against someone who wasn't strong enough to get control of her.

And doctor bitch wasn't looking happy at all, whatever Joss had said had really twisted her shit, and doctor bitch had just folded her arms over her chest and cocked her head in that classic, "No you d'int" pose. Wow, something was about to go down, between his Joss and Jax's doctor bitch! How fucking stupid did that make doctor bitch? Challenging a patched old lady? Tig's patched old lady? A patched old lady that the club would do handsprings for to boot…Jesus fucking Christ, doctor bitch…look around, go introduce yourself to Hob-bitch, she was cool! Take a few notes and think about this! And then, much to Tig's disappointment, it seemed as though doctor bitch had done just that.

She'd suddenly sighed, literally thrown her hands up and then disengaged from Joss, turning and walking away from her, Joss watching her walk with a mix of anger and sadness on her face, sinking back onto the couch with Happy's Lauren, who put her arm around her shoulders the moment Joss covered her face with her hands, most likely crying her eyes out now. Shit…this wasn't the ending Tig had expected, not here anyway and this soon. He sighed, he had to get over to Joss and start mopping this up, do what he could to get her right, tell her it wasn't her fault; that some people just couldn't be saved, no matter how much anyone wanted to save them. He needed to fix Joss now, so he didn't spend all day tomorrow worrying about her while he was in the trenches, fighting for their way of life together. Tig got off of the stool he sat on beside Happy, saying he'd "be right back," and went to take a step towards Joss, but something stopped him. Doctor bitch herself!

"Hey," she said to him, and looked absolutely pissed, but not scared and put off like she usually was the moment Tig entered the room she was in. It was surprising, but also a little amusing in a disgusting sort of way. What? Coming over here to him to complain about his old lady had suddenly given doctor bitch a pair of balls? What a lousy, stupid, worthless cunt! Tig half sneered at her, but it didn't back her down; she obviously had something to say. Doctor bitch glanced back over at Joss then over behind the bar at Opie, and once more at Tig, like meaning he should connect the dots. Her face beyond serious, her voice level and informative, whatever it was, doctor bitch had no qualms about saying it. "I think there's something you should know…"