A/N: Hi there. Nope, I'm not dead, at least I don't think so ::checks herself:: Sorry I've taken so long to update, I've had a lot going on at the same time and my damn computer was refusing to work for me ::sighs::

Anyways, I'm here with a new chapter, I hope that you find it at least readable. As always a big thanks to my lovely beta Inu-midoriko for all her help.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my yummy cup of coffee, my insomnia, and my love of Yaoi. Gravitation doesn't belong to me.

Warnings: None at the moment

Chapter 9: Secrets

--

The sound of footsteps could be heard from inside the apartment, they got closer, each with a distinct clanking sound of the buckles that adorned the - no doubt - expensive biker boots. Hiro opened the unlocked door, "You called me just in time," he told the novelist, "I was on my way to Shuichi's."

Yuki sat on his sofa, cigarette dangling on his lower lip. He picked up an envelope from the coffee table. The novelist took a long drag from his cigarette; he looked right at the boots that announced the guitarist arrival, slowly exhaling the smoke he moved his eyes up Hiro's legs, noticing how tight those leather pants were. "Here," he said removing his eyes from the red head before the situation got awkward, "this is for him."

Hiro took said item. It wasn't anything fancy. A plain white envelope with the words 'To Shuichi From Yuki' in very nice handwriting, "You actually did it," he said almost sarcastically, "and it only took you a couple of hours. I'm impressed."

"Fuck you." he retorted, earning a glare from the red head, "I know, I know… I'm just tired." he said rubbing his temple. His eyes were bloodshot, but it didn't appear to be from tiredness.

"Have you been crying?" the guitarist asked, arching a brow.

"Why do you care?" barked the blond.

"Whoa, now I'm sure my end is near."

" What the hell you babbling about?"

"Nothing," he chuckled, "gotta go now." he tucked the letter in his jacket's front pocket.

As the guitarist exited the apartment Yuki called his name. The red head turned around to face a Yuki he hadn't seen before. In his, face guilt was etched, and he said "Thank you."

Hiro waved a hand and disappeared into the elevator, smiling to himself and thinking of how Shuichi would react to this Yuki.

The novelist walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, in search for a beer, when he remembered, "That's right, I don't drink anymore." he chuckled and started brewing a fresh pot of coffee.

He remembered seeing Shuichi at the airport, kissing another man, being touched by someone else, and enjoying it. He tried to give the man a face but couldn't, he was too far away and that Tony was giving his back to Yuki.

He then remembered how weird Tohma acted when he said he wanted to see Shuichi; "I guess I should pay him a visit later."

--

Shuichi sat on Tony's bed wrapped in a blanket, watching as the older male prepare a suitcase, "So, you're leaving." he asked with a tad of sadness.

"I have to," he tried not to look at the singer. This was already too difficult.

"I understand," Shuichi slid his jeans on and picked up the rest of his clothes from the floor, "I guess I should clean myself up. Hiro will be here any minute." he smiled a fake smile and left the room. Tony still didn't look, busying himself with tossing items in his suitcase.

This time around Shuichi didn't care for a shower, he just wiped himself clean and threw on a pair on clean pants, the singer could hear Tony asking for his private jet to be ready first thing in the morning, "He really is leaving," he whispered running a damp hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to suppress the tears. His body trembled and all of those feelings started to surface. He felt betrayed, abandoned, and unnecessary. He felt his lips dry from thirst but it wasn't water what he craved, "I need a drink…" he shook his head,his grip on the sink got tighter, "I can't… I can't go back to that."

Shuichi took deep breaths, which he released slowly and his eyes closed. He gripped the sink tightly and whispered, "I can do this, I can do this…" over and over again.

And while those words paraded in his mind an image started to form, it was the same image as before, but now it was clearer.

He could see a man asleep, his body barely covered by the sheets, his back was to Shuichi. He had messy, copper colored hair reaching to his nape, and his exposed skin looked almost too perfect, too alluring. He knew that that man wasn't Yuki, but he didn't remember was who he was…

There was a knock on his bathroom door snapping the singer back to reality, "Young master," said Mizuki, "your friend has arrived."

"Tell him… Tell him I'll be there in a minute," he looked at his reflection staring back at him with eyes he had not seen in a while, eyes that were cold and empty. There was no joy, no hope. Nothing… again. Just empty eyes.

--

Shuichi walked down the hallway until Hiro was in his line of vision, "Hey," he said dryly.

"Hey," the red head looked at his friend, "Am I interrupting anything?"

"Nah," Shuichi flopped down on his sofa, "did you bring my stuff?"

"Yeah, one of your guys is carrying it." Hiro watched his friend staring at the wall across from him, "Is something wrong Shu?"

"Not really," he signalled Takeshi to put the boxes by him, "Tony's going back to Spain."

"What?! Why?" the red head said in shock.

Shuichi counted the boxes, "Is this everything?"

"Shuichi…"

"I'm not sure, something about him leaving some woman in charge of his affairs. Apparently she didn't do her job well," the singer rummaged through the boxes, "something about breach of contract… anyway the point is he has to go take care of his things… besides I can't keep him from his business. That would be selfish of me…" he shrugged.

"Shu…" Hiro contemplated his friend's face; he knew that by the sound of his voice the singer was sad but his face showed no sign of it.

The singer opened the first of the boxes; it was labelled 'Music'. The things inside were obviously related to music: CD's, lyrics written in anything from paper to napkins. He smiled as he read an old song, it was one written when he was fourteen, not very good at all.

The second box was labeled 'My life'; it was filled with old pictures, scrapbooks, school stuff, etc. He showed Hiro a picture from when they were still in middle school, "Your hair was ugly," he teased.

"If you show that to anyone I'll kill you." Hiro warned snatching the picture from his friend who giggled like he used to long ago when he was happy. Before Yuki clawed his way inside the singer's heart.

Sometimes Hiro wished he could turn back time, back to when they were in high school and music was just a dream and Shuichi's only worry was to make it home in time or avoid falling asleep in class. Those were good times. But he had to go to that god forsaken park and drop his lyrics. And Yuki just had to pick them up and say one of his damn comments. That night was the beginning…

"Ouch," he yelled, rubbing his leg, "what was that for?"

"You were spacing out," the singer said waving the scrapbook that he had used to smack Hiro with.

He moved on to box number three, labeled 'Keepsakes', this one had lots of things he had collected over the years: Nittle Grasper memorabilia, tickets for Bad Luck's first concert, one of Ryuichi's rings, little things with big meanings, "Hey, d'you remember when we snuck out to see their concert?" Shuichi handed him one of the various Nittle Grasper posters.

"How can I forget, when I got home my mom pulled my hair in all directions and beat the hell out of me. Boy was she angry. I was grounded for the rest of the school year." Shuichi laughed, remembering that he too got his lights punched out by his mother and his sister.

Tony had walked out of the room but when he heard Shuichi laughing decided not to intrude, he stood in the hallway far enough so he wouldn't be seen.

Shuichi got to box number four, the one he hesitated to open, the one labeled 'Life with Yuki'. He traced the words on the cardboard box with his finger, "Nostalgia is a terrible thing," he said, taking a deep breath as he opened the box.

The singer pulled out his coffee mug, the one he brought with him when he moved in with Yuki, only now it didn't have a handle. That mug had gone through a lot. Under the mug was one of Yuki's books it was signed 'To my strawberry baka with love from Eiri' he traced the words with his fingers before placing the book on the coffee table. He pulled an old button up shirt from the box, "I wore this after…," he paused to press the fabric to his face, inhaling deeply, "…his cologne…"

Tony felt his heart skip a beat.

"It's not gonna do you any good to remember him." Hiro told his friend. He now struggled with whether if he should give the singer the letter or not.

Shuichi placed the shirt alongside the book, he took out a few other things. A picture of Yuki sitting in front of his computer, an empty heart shaped chocolate box, and his jewellery box. Inside the orange box were a couple of rings, a few bracelets, a watch, two gold chains, a platinum one, and a locket.

He opened the small trinket to reveal a picture of him and his ex, "I got this for my birthday," he told his friend, stroking the small picture, "it was in our second year together, our 'good year.' I insisted on taking a picture so he asked a girl to take it for us," he smiled, "and at the last second he kissed me." he closed the locket and placed it with the rest of his jewellery in its box.

Tony pushed himself off the wall quietly, he was now certain that he had to leave Shuichi to think about things and sort out his feelings. It hurt him, but he refused to have Yuki's leftovers. He wanted it all. All or nothing.

Shuichi got more agitated wiping away his tears roughly with the back of his hands. He kept tossing items here and there until, "Bingo," he said, the singer started to pull bottle after bottle of medication lining them up on top of the table, "damn, the Paxil is empty." he threw the bottle over the sofa, "Did you bring any of my old clothes?"

"They're in the suitcase. Shu, what the hell are all of those?"

"Medicine, duh." Shuichi rolled his eyes, he then opened the bag and looked through the items of clothing, "I knew it," he said, "My orange shirt is missing, and so is my pink vest and my brown leather pants."

"Shu, I asked you a question."

"And I answered it." he glared at Hiro, "I'm missing a box,"

"It's probably up in the attic. I have been fixing up the place, I'll bring it to you tomorrow."

"Mhmm," Shuichi was putting everything back inside the boxes, "that's fine."

Tony came carrying his luggage, handing it to Hisashi to be put in the car; Hiro took this as his cue to leave. But he still had to give Shuichi the letter, deciding that it wasn't his place to interfere, "Hey Shu, I think I'll be going now," he hugged the singer when he saw Tony turn around to talk to Hisashi, "read it when your alone, it's from Yuki." he whispered on the singer's ear, sticking the letter inside his pocket.

Shuichi opened his eyes as wide as it was humanely possible, but didn't speak. Hiro smiled at him warmly, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"A letter from Yuki? But why?… Why now?" He felt his body tremble. Standing still in the same spot.

The singer heard the door close, and then there was silence. He looked around and saw Tony, his lips were moving but he couldn't hear him.

Silence.

Tony looked at him. His eyes were sad, Shuichi tried to say his name, he couldn't.

Silence.

Slowly he heard something break through the quietness within him.

Ba-dum.

It got louder.

Ba-dum.

His face felt moist. Why? Was it because Tony was leaving or because he had opened that box?

Was it because of Yuki?

No.

It wasn't possible. It was over. "Tony," he whispered. The older man looked at him, "He can't go, not now." he didn't notice his body moving towards the photographer, or the tears streaming down his face, "Take me with you." he said wrapping his arms around his lover's waist. Not wanting to face his past alone.

Tony returned the hug, "Not this time," he kissed the singer's forehead, "this time you have to do it on your own. While I'm gone I want you to think and make your choice." he released himself from Shuichi's arms, "Takeshi is staying with you, so you should be fine, okay?" he smiled. "I love you more than anything, Shuichi, but I can't make the choice for you."

Shuichi stood still as Tony placed a kiss on his lips, "I'm going to see Seguchi now, I have to go over the details with him before I go." Once again he heard the door close, and although he wasn't talking, inside he could hear himself screaming.

--

Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated.