When he closed his eyes, Arthur could still recall the feel of having Gwen in his arms, the way she moved over and under him, the scent of her desire. With her, he felt like a King. With her, he felt as if he'd found his home, something he'd been searching for from that moment he woke up in the forest. If there was one thing that he was sure of, it was that he belonged with her, and if being King was what he needed to do to, it was what he was now determined to do.

Something settled in him as he made that decision. Despite his fears and nerves, it was the right thing and he couldn't wait to see Gwen again to tell her.

He pulled out one of the thick books that Gwen had and tried to read it. If he was going to be King, he needed all the information he could get.

Thankful she hadn't ran into anyone on her way back to her chambers, Gwen nodded at Sir Brom, hoping that with the dimming lights, he couldn't see her clearly. Darting into her chambers, she stopped, allowing herself some time to catch her breath.

Guilt, doubt and fear plagued her. The sex had been good, great even. The familiarity of Arthur's body and taste both arousing and comforting. Only, at the end, Arthur had called her Gwen - not Guinevere like he always did - and that illusion she'd built in her head shattered.

"You look like you've been in a tournament."

Gwen screamed.

The door was flung open and Sir Brom rushed in, sword drawn. "Your majesty! Is everything alright?"

"Why didn't you tell me Merlin was waiting inside?"

"I wanted to but you rushed in before I could, my lady. I'm sorry." He bowed deeply.

"It's fine. You can leave." The moment Sir Brom left the room, she turned to Merlin, hands on her hip. "You scared me! You can't just sneak into my chambers like that."

"Did you just come from Arthur's room?" Merlin asked, eyes narrowed.

"That is none of your business." Looking at herself in the mirror, she realised with a sinking heart that the fact that she'd just had sex with Arthur was written all over her messy hair, her swollen lips and the red mark on her neck. She would have to wear something with a high collar tomorrow.

"It is if Arthur isn't who you think it is."

The brush in her hand fell with clatter to the floor. "What do you mean?" she asked, looking at Merlin through the mirror.

"I went to the Crystal Cave today."

"I know that."

"There has been no prophecy of Arthur's return. The druids there know nothing of Arthur returning to the living."

Picking up the brush gave her time to think. "You said the crystals weren't always the most trustworthy," she said carefully.

"The crystals don't always tell the whole story but they don't lie. Arthur shouldn't be alive."

Her hand gripped the brush. "What are you saying Merlin? Just because your magic didn't know Arthur is alive doesn't mean he isn't Arthur."

"Gwen -"

"What have I done?" She stumbled to her bed and sat at the edge, feeling it sink when Merlin sat next to her. "No. You're wrong."

"I know that you're still raw from losing -"

"Don't patronise me Merlin. I may not have magic but Arthur was - is my husband and he is Arthur." The breath she took calmed her a little but her mind still spun with thoughts. She needed to be alone. "If you don't mind, I had a long day and I would like to rest."

Merlin looked like he was about to say something but shook his head instead. "Just be careful, Gwen. I don't want you to be hurt."

"Good night Merlin."

Once the door shut quietly, she crawled into bed and buried her face in her pillow. Doubts plagued her you've used this construction before - had she just made love to an imposter, someone who meant harm to her and her kingdom? Even if Arthur meant no harm, he obviously wasn't the husband she had loved so. As these dark thoughts running through her head, she fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

Morning brought with it renewed determination. She knew deep in her bones this was Arthur - she could feel it in his touch, see it in his eyes and she just had to get him to remember who he was. Then she would show Merlin that this was really Arthur and not some conjured up spirit Merlin seemed convinced he was.

"A picnic," said Merlin blandly as he reached for an apple. "You want me to arrange a picnic for you and him."

As usual, she sat in her chambers eating breakfast with Merlin although the events of the night before meant that the atmosphere was slightly strained.

"I would like that, please. I know that, as Court Sorcerer, such duties -"

He waved a hand. "It's not about the duties. It's about the fact that you want to go on a picnic with him."

"I don't see any harm in it."

"I can't let you go alone," he said, the apple forgotten. "What are you trying to do?"

"I really didn't expect you to. Also," she smiled, ignoring the warning in Merlin's tone, "it won't be terribly accurate for us to have a picnic without you lurking nearby."

Gwen watched as Merlin struggled to say something, aware that he probably thought this was a bad idea. Finally, he said, "I don't like this. You shouldn't be playing at being husband and wife with him."

"His name is Arthur," she said as calmly as she could, pushing out the memories of that night in Arthur's bed Merlin's words had conjured up. "And I am going on a picnic with him. I would like you come along."

That she was speaking to him the same way she spoke to her subjects clearly annoyed Merlin but he just nodded. "Of course my lady."

"Merlin." Feeling guilty at her manner, Gwen placed her hand over his. "I know he is Arthur. I can feel it."

"Maybe it's the baby. Maybe that's what you're feeling."

Her hand immediately flew to her stomach.

"Maybe it's the baby that's making you feel this way. I mean, you're pregnant and this person looks like Arthur, seems to be Arthur and it's just something you really want."

She scoffed immediately. "You think I'm making how I feel up?"

"No, I think that perhaps you're mistaken. The feelings you have for your child being misplaced onto that - Arthur."

For a moment, Gwen entertained the idea that Merlin was right. It was convenient that Arthur was back now, when she was pregnant and just as conflict started breaking out along the borders. Then she thought of the night before, of how every touch had been familiar and she shook her head firmly. "Let's make a deal. You continue to look into how and why Arthur is back and you let me try to help him with his memory. And until we have proper answers, we won't attack each other."

It took a while but Merlin stuck out his hand in agreement. They finished breakfast relatively amicably, avoiding the topic of Arthur.

The next time she saw Merlin, he was squatting outside Arthur's room, painting on the floor some strange spiral pattern. When he noticed her, he quickly signalled for her to be quiet. Curious, she squatted next to him.

"What are you doing?"

"Drawing."

She frowned and bumped him lightly. "I can see that. Why are you drawing on the floor outside Arthur's room?"

"I need to carry out a test."

"On Arthur?"

He nodded. Then before she could ask what test he was planning to perform, he stretched out an arm and muttered a spell. The spiral disappeared in front of her eyes, much to her awe. Magic still amazed her.

The door swung open and a bemused Arthur looked down at them. "What is going on?"

Standing, Merlin dusted his hands on his trousers and said, "We were just checking for woodworms."

"The Queen and her Court Sorcerer are checking for woodworms?" Arthur looked at them suspiciously.

"Gwen is particularly good at woodworm hunting," said Merlin smoothly.

Arthur caught her eye and she shrugged, trying to stop the memories of their previous night from flooding her brain.

"That's a good skill to have," said Arthur.

"Very," agreed Merlin.

They stood in an awkward triangle of silence until Gwen could bear it no longer.

"Actually, I wanted to invite you on a picnic." She wanted to walk to him but was unsure if she should walk over Merlin's circle of magic.

Arthur was surprised, pleasantly so, she realised when a bright smile appeared on his face. "That sounds like a great idea. But wouldn't it be rather public?"

"Oh we won't be able to ride out together but you and Merlin will go together and I'll ride out separately. No one would look twice at Merlin riding with a mysterious, hooded figure."

Merlin's lips twitched at that but he said nothing.

"Well," replied Arthur, "if you're sure, then I would love to go on a picnic with you."

Gwen smiled at him, her smile only getting wider when Arthur returned her smile with one that she knew was meant only for her.

"Right, now that that's settled, we have a town visit to get to and perhaps, Arthur, you'd like to step out of the room for us." Merlin gestured for him to walk across his now-invisible spiral.

"What?" Arthur's eyes sought hers out and in an attempt to be helpful, she nodded and smiled. That only made the furrow between Arthur's brows deepen. "Is this part of the woodworm hunting?"

"Yes!" "No."

Shooting Gwen a warning glance, Merlin smiled again. Gwen was certain Arthur could see how blatantly false it was. "See, there's a ritual."

"A ritual," repeated Arthur. "For woodworm hunting. Should I even be living in a room with woodworms?"

Ignoring Arthur's questions, Merlin pressed on. "And you know how three is a mystical number."

"No I don't."

It was supposed to be terribly serious but laughter bubbled out of Gwen. Trying to mask it, she covered her mouth and coughed. Both Arthur and Merlin stared at her.

"Well," Merlin continued. "Three is a mystical number and Gwen and I have already crossed the threshold so I just need you to cross it too." When it seemed that Arthur wasn't about to move, Merlin hurriedly said, "please."

"You're ridiculous. You're not even making any sense." Arthur rolled his eyes but walked across the circle of magic anyway. Gwen watched the whole thing with bated breath, wondering if Arthur would burst into flames, glow, or disintegrate even. It was a mix of relief and disappointment that she felt when nothing happened. She glanced at Merlin. Perhaps only he could see the effects of the circle.

His face was blank.

"That's it?" asked Arthur.

"Yes. Thank you for your help."

"Wait, you're not going to explain -"

"Oops. Time is a ticking. We have to go to the village now Gwen." Casting a quick apologetic smile at Arthur, Gwen let Merlin drag her away from him.

"Well?" She whispered once they turned the corner.

Merlin sighed. "Nothing. I guess he's not a shade."

Tamping down the urge to say 'I told you', Gwen simply smiled. "Today looks like a great day for a picnic."

Of all her duties as Queen, Gwen loved visiting the various towns around Camelot most. It reminded her of home and family and it was always heartening to see the changes she and Arthur implemented take effect. Despite the wars, the towns within the city walls had been thriving and truth be told, the war and demands for food and weaponry had kept the economy going, especially since it was the towns bordering Camlann which bore most of the destruction. And now, as Camelot funded the repairs of the various towns, things were bustling.

Her arm linked with Merlin, she stopped and spoke with various people, some simply enquiring on her well-being while others telling her about their grouses and unhappiness. Beside her, Sir Brom conscientiously took notes.

After Mary, the resident grouch, finished her litany of complaints ranging from the weather to her disapproval of young children running around in the mud, Merlin squeezed Gwen's arm. "I don't know how you bear her. Nothing is ever right with the world."

"She just wants someone to talk to," said Gwen, remembering when her father would send her over to Mary to help her with her chores. "After her husband died, she's been all alone. Although admittedly, she used to grumble about everything even when I was a child."

They walked on, occasionally stopping so Gwen could pick up a bolt of cloth or a piece of freshly baked bread. The route they took was the same every time and eventually they came to Gwen's old home.

She hadn't been inside since Arthur's death, unwilling to face the memories within. It was bad enough that she had to live in the castle, a place in which Arthur was imprinted in every wall and corner, but at least there, he had been both King and husband. In her small home, he had been just her husband. It had been their sanctuary, unintentionally created when their attempts at intimacy were interrupted three times in a night and she had jokingly suggested they go to her home in the middle town for some privacy.

"Do you want to go in?" Merlin asked, his eyes searching her face, when, she hesitated by the door.

Slowly, Gwen walked up the dusty path and pushed the door open. Four months and everything still looked the same - the bed Arthur had insisted they put in when he refused to sleep on 'that hard rock she called a bed', the little kitchen with, ironically, royal plates, the well-worn table where she once compared Arthur to a pig.

There were fresh flowers in a vase on the table. Purple wildflowers, the kind Merlin used to pick for them.

Merlin shrugged when she turned to look at him. "I thought that if one day, you were to return, it would be nice to see fresh flowers."

"Oh Merlin," she said, kissing his cheek gently, chuckling when she saw the spreading blush. She sat down, emotions suddenly welling in her. Merlin sat with her.

"Arthur's isn't a shade," he said after a while. "Which means he is really alive."

"You believe he's Arthur now?" Gwen couldn't keep the hope from her voice.

"No. I don't know. I believe he is human."

Gwen stretched her legs out, rubbing her thighs. She wasn't sure if she was simply doing too much or if it was because of the baby but her body got tired easily recently. "He's Arthur."

"I know you want to believe that, and maybe he is. But we still don't know why he is back and who brought him back. And that worries me." Merlin looked intently at her. "Surely you can understand that."

She could, only she didn't want to. She didn't want to know why Arthur was back. She didn't want to know what the Old Religion was planning. She just wanted him to regain his memory and be her Arthur. She wanted her old life back, the happiness she'd managed to build within it, not this empty shell of a life.

"Why do they have to meddle? Why can't they leave us to live our lives?"

Merlin didn't answer, only put his arm around her and held her. Laying her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry.

AN: I'm sorry that I am taking so long with the updates. But I promise that this fic will be finished.