T H R E E.
Heartbeat.
ELI.
It's not like me to be nervous. Or any other connontation of the word. Nervous, anxious, on edge, whatever. It's just not like me. So how in hell am I supposed to justify the fact that my heart is beating like a parakeet's hyped up on crack. Oh right. It's because I'm driving halfway across the province to find a girl that probably hates me, mainly because I dated her, almost got her killed by her own date, and then effectively dumped her and refused to talk to her, all in the span of about twenty-four hours.
We couldn't even make this work for one fucking day. So what makes me think this is going to last as long as I secretly want it to?
We'd been on the road for a good two hours and the same thoughts had been circling around my mind for the better part of that time period. I tapped my fingers rhythmically on the steering wheel and glanced over at Adam sitting in the passenger seat. He had insisted that we make a "man stop" at the Mobil Station down the street from the Dot. I had assumed he meant to make sure we would have enough gas, but instead he promptly bought four bags of chips, and two two liters of Mountain Dew, stating that "this is just the beginning", the latter of which he was now passed out cradling.
I smirked at his immaturity and nudged him with one hand.
"Adam. Adam, get up." I muttered impatiently. He awoke with a start and looked around hopefully.
"Are we there yet?" he asked before taking an obnoxiously large swig of soda. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair.
"Nope." I stated, popping the 'p', "We're still about an hour out. Just thought that sleeping beauty had slept all they needed too." Adam groaned and collapsed back into his seat.
"You do know that Sleeping Beauty gets woken up with a kiss right?" He whined, shoveling another handful of Doritos into his mouth. I gaped at him.
"What?" he protested, "Do you have any idea how many Disney Princess movies and products I have addressed to 'Gracie' in my closet?" I shook my head at him and looked back out at the road.
"And you didn't burn those in the bonfire because...?" I asked. Adam looked down at the bag of chips in his hand.
"Because my mom thinks they'll be worth something someday. It would have been awesome to watch Sleeping Beauty's face melt off, though." he added thoughtfully.
"So not the point, man." I remarked satirically, "Anyways, did Clare text you back yet?" Adam had been texting Clare on and off all afternoon, trying to figure whether she would fall back into my arms or attempt to punch me in the face when we showed up on her grandmother's doorstep. At this point it could go either way. Adam gave a spectacular yawn and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
"Yeah, about ten minutes ago she said something about how she was going to help her grandmother make brownie." he recited monotonously. I glanced at him.
"Is that it?" I asked disappointedly. Adam rolled his eyes and checked his phone again.
"Oh. Yeah, about halfway down it says, I'm sorry I'm going to commit suicide in about twenty minutes. Thought you'd want to know." he responded sardonically. I glared at him before focusing back on the road.
"Hilarious Adam. Really charming." I countered, gripping Morty's steering wheel tighter. Adam shrugged.
"You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were whipped, so because I do, I'll just say, that while you act all tough guy Eli with a heart of steel, you're actually a ginormous, mushy fluff ball." he said simply. I glared at him again.
"Only for one person though." I muttered. There really wasn't any point to arguing with him. I'd already said so many lovesick things to Adam in private I really didn't want to hear his reasons.
"Yeah. Three guesses who." Adam put a finger under his chin in mock thought, "Could it possibly be the girl we're driving half way across the province to see?" I rolled my eyes and Adam took a giant gulp of Mountain Dew, finishing off the last of supply.
An hour later and we still weren't there yet because of the six pit stops we had to take.
clare.
Once Gram had left me alone in my bedroom, I stared down at my phone, scrolling aimlessly through my contacts. Who was it that I really wanted to talk to right now? I paused briefly on Alli's name, before continuing to move down my contact list. Alli was my best girlfriend, but I was lying to myself if I said that nothing had changed between us.
Ever since the start of this term, she had been so wrapped up in Drew and Jenna that she had almost neglected me completely. In a moment of complete bitterness last weekend, I had considered that she should look at what that had gotten her, before quickly erasing the thought from my mind.
I scrolled past Eli's name altogether. I hadn't been able to get him out of my head all week, and I ached to hear his sarcastic banter, but I wasn't emotionally ready to face him yet, even if it was just in a text message. I needed to take baby steps, I needed to go slow, whereas Eli tended to take steps that were comparable to an elephant, and move with the speed of a jet. I would be kidding myself if I said I could handle that right now.
Adam was a safe choice. Adam was a constant, and he wasn't going to push me into talking about things I wasn't ready to. If anyone knew about feeling like all of your wires were crossed on the inside, it was Adam.
Quickly, before I could change my mind, I typed out the message and hit send. While I was at it, I decided to send an e-mail to Darcy. Most likely it was a lost cause considering she hadn't even responded to my last few, but while I was rearranging my life, I might as well make another attempt.
Hey Darce,
So how is saving the world going? It must be working out pretty well since you haven't responded in a while. I'm on winter break at Gram's right now. She says hi.
I paused my fingers over the keys and ran my hand through my hair in frustration,trying to think of something else to write. Darcy hadn't been home in well over a year and it was getting harder and harder to find things to make conversation with. There was just so much she didn't understand.
The next hour I spent alternating between texting Adam and writing long paragraphs to Darcy and then deleting them. It felt good to text Adam again. It had only been four days, but it had seemed like forever.
Eventually I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, where my grandmother was getting out the supplies to make brownies. She winked at me when she saw me.
"It's nice to see you downstairs. Did you start mending things?" she asked. I set my phone down on the counter and helped her pull out one of the brownie pans.
"Yeah. I've been texting Adam for the better part of an hour." Gram nodded, and started to crack the eggs into the mixing bowl while I poured the brownie mix.
"The transgendered boy?" she asked absently, measuring out the vegetable oil. I spun around in the process of preheating the oven.
"Yeah. Gram, about the things I told you, especially Adam..." I trailed off. If my parents found out even the partial story of my life these past few weeks, I doubt they'd ever let me out of the house again. My Grandmother laughed and shook her head at me.
"Don't worry, Clare, all of your secrets are safe with me." She winked again and finished dumping the vegetable oil into the batter. I felt myself relax instantly.
"Thanks, Gram. For everything." I told her sincerely. Gram turned around and enveloped me into her arms.
"You're welcome dear. I know it may be hard to hear sometimes, but I feel that the truth is important, and needs to be said." she paused for a moment and let go of me to find the mixer, "But only if you can back it up with chocolate afterwards." she added, her eyes twinkling. I laughed wholeheartedly and took the mixer to plug it in to the wall.
"I must agree." I responded.
An hour later, we were sitting at the kitchen table with a plate of half eaten brownies, talking about things normal teenagers talk to their grandparents about, like my classes, and memories from when I was little. Eventually, the conversation died down, and the plate of brownies was pushed to the side in place of two cups of evening tea. It was one of the many things I look forward to when I come to Gram's house. She brews the best irish tea I've ever tasted. She always jokes that it's an ancient recipe that her mother stole from a leprechaun. Darcy and I used to love making up stories about how she'd done it.
"Gram, were you ever so mad at grandpa that you never wanted to see him again, but at the same time knew you couldn't live without him?" I blurted out. I had no idea where the question had come from, but there it was, out in the open. Gram's eyes were twinkling as she answered.
"Between you and me Clare, all the time." she answered simply, "But if anything,dear, it only made me love him more." I felt myself blush, and blinked a few times. Gram laughed and patted my hand reassuringly.
"Clare, I don't think that means that you love him." she told me, "But I do think it means that for right now, the two of you need eachother." I tugged anxiously at a lock of my hair and let the thought roll over in my mind.
Did I really need Eli? In my heart, I knew that it was true, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to awknowledge it just yet. After KC, I had been all for the "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" mentality, and had all but sworn off of relationships. And then I met Eli. The boy who dressed in all black, listened to screamo music, had more baggage than even me, and drove a hearse of all things. If my parents could have picked one boy that I absolutely, could not date, even if hell froze over and pigs flew over on ice skates, it would have been Eli. The boy that I now needed more than any other person I had ever known.
"Clare?" Gram's voice broke through my epiphanies for the second time that day as she peered out of the front window, her expression a mixture of extreme shock and euphoria.
"Yes?" I answered nervously, worrying my lower lip between my teeth.
"What type of car did you say that boy drives again?" she asked carefully. My eyes widened and I leapt up from my chair, nearly knocking it over in the process. Bolting over to the window next to my grandmother, I gazed out the window just in time to see two boys emerging from a very familiar hearse.
"No..." I breathed, watching as they made their way up the front walk.
The first one had something off about him that I could see from even a distance, he was taller, but it was the delicateness of his features that set him apart from the other. The second was shorter, but his dark appearance made up for anything his height took away. Just the sight of his face made my heart beat a tiny bit faster, and I could feel my face heat up as a reflex, preparation for the teasing sarcasm to come.
The pair reached the front door in a matter of seconds, and a moment later the doorbell rang through the house, echoing in my bones. I glanced Gram, who winked and gave me a look of encouragement before opening the door.
The blue eyes met the green, and any intelligent thought or witty comeback I had been preparing evaporated. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Adam scratching the back of his neck nervously, and the corner of Eli's mouth quirk up in salutation.
"Miss me?"
So baby keep my heart beat b-beat beat beating.
You're the soul reason i keep believing
A/N- So there's a cliffy, sorry if this felt like a filler because it kind of was :/
1. Updating. So labor day weekend is now over & I have to go back to school. yay (note the sarcasm). Anyways, this means the real world has to become a priority again. I will try to update at least every other day, but depending on homework and other things, I may end up doing more or less than that. Please bear with me.
2. The conversation between Eli and Adam was really fun to write :) I hope you guys liked it, hope you liked the chapter ending, because I really struggled with where to wrap it up
3. Canadian readers- Was I right about the distance from Toronto to Kingston? I google mapped it, but I wasn't sure.
4. Thank you for all the reviews,alerts,favorites! I appreciate them so much!
5. Song was Heartbeat by Stereo Skyline. Not sure it fit as well as the other two did, but I tried. Next up is Say By John Mayer
Hope you guys have a great Monday (ha. Is there such a thing?)& please review!
Sydney