Ok so the next few chapters aren't going to be as fluffy as my previous chapters... just thought I'd warn you! So this is after the episode "Solitary Man".

It's March 2010, Emily is 39 and Hotch is 44.
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"Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the one who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell." - Frederick Buechner
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Hotch was glad it was the weekend... in fact he was ecstatic that he finally had the weekend off to spend with Emily, and Jack, and the threesome were planning on going to the zoo because Jack had been wanting to go since he'd seen a documentary about monkeys on TV.

He rolled over in bed to find it empty, which oddly enough had been happening every morning since they'd gotten back from the trucker case four days ago.

Hotch quietly crept out of bed, knowing that whatever Emily was doing she stopped whenever he woke up, and he slowly made his way towards the study, where light could be seen streaming through the slightly ajar doorway.

He peeped through the crack in the door, and spotted Emily sitting in the black, stainless steel swivel chair, reading something that was shining at her from the computers screen.

"Emily, what are you doing?" Hotch whispered, pushing the door open swiftly and quietly, and causing Emily to jump in her seat dramatically.

"N-n-nothing!" Emily stammered, as she regained her wits and closed the internet tab she'd opened, before Hotch had a chance to read what she'd been googling.

"Emily, you do realise that I can get Garcia to find out the exact sentence you were reading if I wanted to... so please, just tell me." Hotch informed her, worrying slightly at the fact that she was hiding things from him... they'd only been engaged three months!

"Please don't." Emily pleaded quietly, a look of fear growing on her face, at the thought of Hotch finding out what she was doing.

"Then talk to me... please." Hotch begged, hunkering down in front of the seat so he could be at Emily's level.

"I... I can't." Emily responded, sounding almost shell shocked as she spoke.

"Emily, I'm you fiancé, you can tell me anything." Hoch reminded her, shocked that she was acting like this.

Rather than respond, like Hotch had expected her too, Emily stood up and walked towards the door and out of the room, reaching up to wipe her eye before she left, causing Hotch to worry about her more.

He got up from his kneeling position and followed her, looking into their room first, before walking into the living room and finding her sitting on the couch.

"I never wanted to have to tell you..." Emily whispered, once Hotch entered the room, not even giving him a chance to speak. "I just wanted it to happen... then we'd be happy, and it wouldn't matter." She told Hotch cryptically, her voice barely audible.

"Em you're scaring me... please, just talk to me." Hotch pleaded, as he rushed over to the couch and sat in front of her, taking her hands into his own.

Truth be told she was scaring the crap out of him. She was acting oddly, and he couldn't help think of Haley, and how their marriage had ended, and Emily wasn't even his wife yet... was he really that much of a workaholic, that he could drive two women away?

"You know what happened to me in Rome, right... and about how Matthew helped me... helped me... get rid of it." Emily whispered, looking down at where Hotch's large strong hands were smothering her small delicate ones.

"Of course, of course I know... but what does that have to do with things?" Hotch asked, now even more worried, as he knew any talk about Emily's childhood was bad, whether it was about what happened in Rome or not.

"Remember the day I moved in here." Emily continued, ignoring Hotch's question. "Remember when you and the guys were making the bed and you said you wanted more kinds." She elaborated.

"Of course I do... but I don't know what you mean." Hotch whispered, a niggling feeling in the back of his mind telling him that he did know what she meant, but he chose to ignore it.

"Well I do too... I want kids Hotch, I want a house full of happy little kids, I want brothers and sisters for Jack, I want cousins for Henry, I want grandkids for my mum and dad, I want to be a grandmother some day as well, I want to watch over my new born baby as they sleep, I want to kiss boo-boo's better, I want to pace the floor at night waiting for them to come back from their first date, I want to cry when they graduate, I want to cry even more when they walk down the aisle... but I can't Aaron, I can't!" Emily whispered, her voice never wavering as she confessed this, even though large tears began to form in her eyes and crawl down her face.

"Please Emily, what are you saying... that you can't have kids, or that you can't have kids with me?" Hotch asked her pleadingly.

"The doctor I went to in Rome wasn't a very good one Aaron... I don't think... I mean it's unlikely I'll ever... I may never have a child." Emily finally told him, giving a defeated sigh and falling against Hotch's chest, shaking as she let her tears flow.

Hotch was in shock at this to say the least, and he didn't know how to respond, as he wrapped his arms around her and ran his hand up and down her back letting her cry against his chest.

"There's bound to be a way Emily, there's always a way." He whispered once Emily had regained her composure and had sat up in her seat again, wiping the remaining tears off her face.

"Well that's what I was doing online for the last few days." Emily informed him. "That little girl who was being adopted before everyone found out her dad was a serial killer... well it got me thinking... there's so many kids in the world who don't have family." She told Hotch cautiously, testing the waters of this conversation.

"You want to adopt?" Hotch questioned, not surprised at this decision... even before they were together Emily had talked about bringing Carrie home to live with her.

"I don't know... maybe?" Emily sighed, looking up at Hotch. "It's a big commitment, and there's a lot of work involved in it." She added, wanting to make him aware of the undertakings.

"There's a lot of work in raising any child Emily adopted or not." Hotch reminded her with a smile.

"So you're ok with this then?" Emily asked, a little shocked that Hotch wasn't asking more questions, or why he wasn't having a more negative reaction.

"Emily I want to have kids with you, whether they're biologically ours or not." Hotch informed her, watching as the smile grew across her face. "And I agree, there are kids in the world who need a loving family, and even though we may not be the most conventional family in the world, we're definitely the most loving." He added with a smile.

"Thank you!" Emily beamed wrapping her arms around Hotch's waist and hugging him tightly.

"Anything for you my dear, anything for you." Hotch replied, kissing her head.
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There, I know, I know Emily may never have kids! But having an abortion that young is bound to damage her physically, so I made it realistic... and just a little more interesting! Please tell me what you though, and thanks for all the reviews! =)